#i know dirk and barbie is old news

[skaianettechsupport]

if Dirk watches My Little Pony (which he does) and reads Pony Pals (which he does) then it is my opinion that he also watches classic Barbie movies. them shits are FULL of weird horse content and they have the right vibe for him to get invested i think

[cobycobsy2k]

Alternative, Season 2, Episode 15: "School Crush"

Pleasantview Public School

Angela and Ella were talking about everything they were going to do over the weekend.

Ella: Wow Angie you're lucky your parents signed you up for ballet classes with me!

Angela: Obviously Ellie! Although I imagine that your mom did enroll you in those piano classes… How boring, by the way, how long does detention last? My mom will find out that Lilith got into trouble again.

At that moment the twins Mandy and Mike Caliente-Bachelor arrive who came to bother the girls.

Mandy: Wow, wow, it's Angela Pleasant and Ella Goth! What a loser! Good thing you're NOT going to my super barbie girl pool party!

Ella: First of all we didn't even want to go anyway, could you go show off somewhere else Mandy?

Mandy: Ugh, see ya Silly! My mom and dad will help me throw the best party in the world!

Mike (while giving the black-haired girl a hug): Sorry Ellie, you know Mandy can be an airhead, and even more so with all this party stuff, see ya!

Ella: Mike is kind of cute, too bad he has such an idiot sister like Mandy!

Angela (Confused): Mike Cute?, Did you freak out Ellie?, eww…Mike doesn't even know where he's standing…

Ella: Ahh but you like Dustin! Aren't you jealous? ha ha

Angela: What happens is that Dustin is a true gentleman, he is super sweet and kind, from time to time I help him with homework!

At that moment Dustin, Dirk and Rose arrive.

Dustin: Hey girls!

Angela and Ella: Hi Dustin! Hi Dirk and Hi Rose!

Dirk: And where is Lilith?

Angela (rolling her eyes): She's in detention, oh look, she's already out!

Rose: Mandy invited me to her "Super Barbie Girl Pool Party" at her house, and I'm not going.

Dirk (Annoying her little sister a bit): And also remember the "little joke" you pulled on me!

Rose: Sorry, it was just because she was bored and you wouldn't let me watch TV!

Dustin: Hey Ella, you look so pretty today!

Those words made Ella blush, who was looking at Dustin with a little smile, on the other hand Angela was petrified when she heard that.

Angela (Trying to get Dustin's attention): Dustin I'm having my soccer practice today! Will you come see me?

Dustin: Sure Angie!

Angela had a crush on Dustin since they were both 5 years old, although Dustin also felt the same way about her, he was also beginning to have a crush on her friend, Ella Goth.

Later

Dreamer family home

Rose and Dirk had invited Lilith to spend the afternoon with them, while the three of them were talking, Darren and his new wife Gabriella (Rose's biological mother and Dirk's stepmother) were talking.

Darren: Wow, kids grow up so fast! It seems like yesterday when Dirk was 2 and Rose was just born haha…

Gabriella (hugging her husband): Yes dear! I'm really happy to be with you and our children! By the way, if you knew who called me yesterday.

Darren (Confused): Who?

Gabriella: My cousin Aldric called me, he told me that his baby was going to be born soon, I'm really happy for him! Don't you remember when he, Almeric and my sister Lola got drunk at our wedding?

Darren: Yeah haha! It was all a lot of fun!

At that moment Dirk and Rose arrive, who were talking about Mandy's party.

Dirk and Rose: Hola Mamá, hola Papá!, ¿Que tal les ha ido hoy?

Gabriella and Darren: ¡Hola hijos!, How was your day today guys?

Rose: Good! I was invited to a "Super Barbie Girl Pool Party"…

Darren: Really Rosie? Honey, our daughter was invited to a party! What about you Dirk?

Dirk: Ehmm, I didn't get an invite, but I think I'll go with Rose.

Gabriella: Sounds good son! It sounds good that the two of you go and enjoy a nice moment!

Later at the Bachelor-Caliente family home

Mandy was giving her "Super Barbie Girl Pool Party" not to say "Little Jacuzzi Party", she and Mike together with her parents Dina and Michael had bought some things to make everything fun.

Rose (Whispering to Dirk): Wow… And this is what we're supposed to be here for?

Dirk (Whispering to Rose): It would have been better to stay home…

Mandy and Mike: And now, we're going to sing a SUPER iconic song that everyone should know!

At that moment the two turn on the radio and begin to sing a little out of tune, the only ones who applauded were Michael and Dina.

Dina: Bravo Mandy!! Show all these losers who's boss!

Michael: My kids will be the next popstars in all of Simnation!!

[feekins]

tagged by @fosterthebucky

what was your last :

drink: milk last phone call: a customer bc i was trying to let them know their food was gonna come a lil late but they didn’t answer so 8) last text: “.......ALSO THAT” last song you listened to: I Fink U Freeky by Die Antwoord last time you cried: last Wednesday bc anxiety attack :)

have you ever:

dated someone: yup been cheated on: yyyyyyyyup kissed someone and regretted it: lmao yup lost someone special: y u p been drunk and thrown up: thank fuck, no list three fave colors: ridiculously vibrant purple, barbie pink, neon yellow

in the last year have you:

made a new friend: yup fallen out of love: nope laughed until you cried: so much met someone that changed you: i mean, probably found out who your true friends are: can’t find out what you already know <3 found out someone was talking about you: yup kissed someone who follows you: nnnnnnnope

general:

how many of your followers do you know irl: ppppppprobably at least 10? mostly from Ye Olde Homestucke Dayes do you have any pets: yup, my brown tabby cat Charlie do you want to change your name: P L E A S E what did you do for your last birthday: had lunch with ppl from my second job, hung out around the house, went out to dinner with the family at our favorite Italian restaurant, and had ice cream pie at home =u= what time did you wake up today: 8am what were you doing at midnight last night: dreaming about rly weird shit name something you CANNOT wait for: i wanna plant my lithops seeds and see them grow into lil butts like now last time you saw your mother: just now what is one thing you wish you could change about life: i wish i didn’t have so many reservations when it comes to letting potential new friends in what are you listening to right now: some show on the DIY Network have you ever talked to a person with the name tom: maybe??? what’s getting on your nerves: insurance company that won’t fking pay enough to fix my gotdamn car door 8) most visited website: youtube

nickname: fee relationship status: taken zodiac sign: gemini pronouns: they/them fave tv shows: Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, Good Omens hair color: brown/dirty blonde long or short: short height: 5′ 5.5″ do you have a crush on someone: nope what do you like about yourself: i’m more resilient than i realize tattoos: eeeeeeeventually??? righty or lefty: righty first surgery: whatever tf they did to fix the giant gotdamn gap that used to be between my two front teeth first piercing: ear lobes first best friend: a neighbor i haven’t seen in like 28 years first sport you joined: swim team first pair of shoes: baby stuff lol idk

right now

eating: about to get me a mothafuckin icyyyyyyy or otter pop or whatever tf y’all call them drinking: nope listening to: still stuff on the DIY Network want kids: FUCK no! career: basically lots and lots of assisting

which is better:

lips or eyes: eyes hugs or kissed: hugs shorter or taller: both romantic or spontaneous: neither jfc planned things are gr9 nice stomach or nice arms: i??? don’t care??? sensitive or loud: depends on context hook up or relationship: relationship troublemaker or hesitant: again, depends

have you ever:

kissed a stranger: yup drank hard liquor: yup lost glasses/contacts: yup sex on a first date: fuck no broke someone’s heart: yyyyyup;;; had your own heart broken: 2 much :) been arrested: nope turned someone down: yup cried when someone died: um yeah????? fallen for a friend: yup

do you believe in:

yourself: yas miracles: yup love at first sight: i believe that is called infatuation santa claus: EVERYONE IS SANTAS. kiss on the first date: i mean, you do you angels: yup

tagging @roughkiss and uhhhhhhhhh anyone else who wants to do this?

[sekamehu]

Well, okay

What i said yesterday turned out to be completely blatant lie bc i just finished reading the meat route, in a single, continuous 6-hour gulp. Long stretches of texts and me dont mix well, but i just wanted to get it over with. I'll try to read the candy route within a week or so if my time and brain permit.

Uh, i got a few questions, the most prominent one being: What the fuck did i just read?

Lets just say that this is a hilariously big chunk of text that still didnt make me care about what homestuck has become. I dont know, i dont think ive REALLY cared about hs since maybe 2013 or 2014. I stuck along for the ride out of morbid curiosity and loyalty to an old fandom that was important to me during my teen years. But. Like. That was a long time ago and i have long since plucked my faves out of their original context and i smack them together like barbie and ken dolls on the regular in my context of choice bc that is truly my passion.

As i was reading, i couldnt help but notice how.... hollow it all felt? Forced? Maybe its just me having drifted so far from what Homestuck Proper is, but i really struggled to believe a single thing that happened. I dont know these characters anymore and their actions ring meaningless to me. I really...really dont care if this is now canon or not. It didnt grip me. It just made me -laugh- at the sheer, forced ridiculousness of it all. It was so theatrical it was impossible for me to take anything seriously as being part of the real canon.

Im not sure what the purpose of all that was, but im not taking a single smidgen of it and accepting it as being canon. I dont like earth c stuff at all to begin with. So. Ive long since disconnected myself from whatever homestuck's ending was and this new content isnt doing a very good job of reeling me back in.

Homestuck stopped being homestuck years ago. This...thing we got is not homestuck. Homestuck stopped being homestuck the moment hussie grew tired of his creation and let the story end the way it did.

Idk. I feel hollow but it might also be the raging depression.

But also: i take MY omniscient narrative hand and pick dirk strider up by the scruff of his neck and give him a spanking of his lifetime and then drop him off to sit in the naughty corner on his reddened buttocks until he's a good boy again.

(Dont @ me saying he was never a good boy or something of that caliber. I am NOT up for Serious conversation/analysis. All ive ever been in this fandom for is Laughs and Brotherfucking. Shoot me in the head, fandom police.)

...wow that was a big pointless post but i might as well yell into the void.

[amtushinfosolutionspage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Western Conference Edition

No doubt you were starting to panic about where you were going to get your NBA summer vacation news from. All the signs were there: clammy hands, general malaise, the inexorable urge to always be swimming, your skin paling as if winter had set in and the color was seeping from your skin, even though it’s still the beginning of August. Well, rest easy and put those cutoffs back on, friend, because NBA Summer Vacation Watch (SVW) is back.

We pick up at the obvious yin to the last edition’s yang, the Western Conference. But I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news: the NBA’s Western Conference is terrible at summer vacations. I mean really bad. For a supposed juggernaut and the alleged superior conference, you’d think these guys might understand the concept of work hard, play harder. Alas, the majority of the golden West’s All-Stars appear to be allergic to saying adios to the gym and aloha to an ocean sunset. I know no such allergy, so I soldier on.

Kevin Durant

Might as well start as strong as possible: Durant went to India! Technically this was a work trip but I’ll let it slide, mostly because Kevin Durant deserves to do the funny pose of looking serious while pretending to pluck up the palace from a distance. There’s something to be said about the entire UNESCO World Heritage site being under construction, like the scaffolding around the Western Conference as it strains to have a good time, but that has nothing to do with Durant and does not belong here.

Rating: According to the UNESCO rating system, Durant has saved his conference’s SVW status from ‘Delisted’ to ‘In Danger’—bonus for the protective slippers complementing Kevin’s shoes.

Russell Westbrook

You can always count on Russell! The Brodie, a new dad, went to Cabo with his family. Please scroll through so as to drink in his bucket hat on a boat, his ability to get a quick game of two-ball pickup in without making it “a thing,” and pockets-out swim trunks, because he is so relaxed. Hashtag WhyNot.

Rating: An elevated Cabo experience with nary a Señor Frog’s in sight.

JaVale McGee

JaVale may very well be in his own living room here but I could have sworn it was the OR, for how my heart exploded!!!

Rating: Cardiac arrest!

DeAndre Jordan

A tarp-off DeAndre partied with Diplo—an automatic deficit—but my friend ran into him a few days ago in Venice Beach and said he was nice. He also had a lot of bracelets on, a sure signal that he’s got his mind in the game (summer vacation).

Rating: Dubstep over a Jimmy Buffett song.

Nick Young

Swaggy P met a dolphin and wasn’t into it but gave it another shot in the spirit of summer vacation and cetacean relations.

Rating: Couple rapid clicks and a few shrill squeaks.

Paul George

Remember Paul George, back at the beginning of the summer in the first edition of NBA SVW, fishing alone? Our dude certainly chilled right out as soon as the ink on his OKC contract started to dry. Amsterdam, Ibiza—I like this because it shows me Paul has friends but I love this because, in his own words, he’s become “one hell of a jeu de boules player now.”

Rating: Euro Trece seems chill.

Karl Anthony Townes

The big KAT met some kittens!

Rating: Two lil’ lions and a timber wolf—we basically bought a zoo.

Dirk Nowitzki

Can someone tell Dirk there are actual new bikes now that are made to look just like the one he’s clearly stolen from an old farm shed? And that they can be properly sized to his body?

Rating: A case of sore knees or a possession of stolen property case.

Andre Iguodala

Golf is a boring way to spend any time off, let alone summer vacation, but I’m taking what I can get here because Andre is barefoot in sand with some water up to his ankles.

Rating: A double bogey on a poor substitute for a beach.

C.J. McCollum

C.J. watered a hole in Johannesburg and looked very happy about it.

No, C.J. helped to build houses in his downtime around the NBA Africa game and shows us that sometimes it’s important to use your downtime to help others, even if the rest of your conference colleagues are completely blowing their summers.

Rating: Heaven just now confirmed they are missing one angel.

Marc Gasol

Oh, interesting, all the Brothers Gasol topless and water-adjacent but with a convenient crop so we can never know if they are wearing socks or not, as is their wont.

Rating: I’m going to go ahead and guarantee this a six dripping wet tubesocks out of six.

Troy Daniels

Troy Daniels caught a big fish on his birthday, maybe the biggest fish. This is a great opportunity for my longstanding nickname for Troy to finally catch on: “The Not Really Old Man and the Deep Three.”

Rating: One point for every shade of blue you can count on Troy and his helpers, double points for his double-width bucket hat, tripled by the fact that it’s his birthday, so roughly a rating of 84—the water temperature of Playa Del Carmen in August.

Patty Mills

As loyal readers know, we’ve already leaned heavily on Patty Mills this vacation season and will clearly continue to need to do so as long as the majority of the Western Conference cast stays lousy at summer vacation. Patty is simply incredible at summer vacation. If he keeps this up, he might even single-handedly reverse my stance on Australia and going there.

Rating: Throw another gigantic, ancient crustacean on the barbie, brumby. We’re all comin’ to Oz!

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Western Conference Edition syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

[flauntpage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Western Conference Edition

No doubt you were starting to panic about where you were going to get your NBA summer vacation news from. All the signs were there: clammy hands, general malaise, the inexorable urge to always be swimming, your skin paling as if winter had set in and the color was seeping from your skin, even though it's still the beginning of August. Well, rest easy and put those cutoffs back on, friend, because NBA Summer Vacation Watch (SVW) is back.

We pick up at the obvious yin to the last edition's yang, the Western Conference. But I'm afraid I've got some bad news: the NBA's Western Conference is terrible at summer vacations. I mean really bad. For a supposed juggernaut and the alleged superior conference, you'd think these guys might understand the concept of work hard, play harder. Alas, the majority of the golden West's All-Stars appear to be allergic to saying adios to the gym and aloha to an ocean sunset. I know no such allergy, so I soldier on.

Kevin Durant

Might as well start as strong as possible: Durant went to India! Technically this was a work trip but I'll let it slide, mostly because Kevin Durant deserves to do the funny pose of looking serious while pretending to pluck up the palace from a distance. There's something to be said about the entire UNESCO World Heritage site being under construction, like the scaffolding around the Western Conference as it strains to have a good time, but that has nothing to do with Durant and does not belong here.

Rating: According to the UNESCO rating system, Durant has saved his conference's SVW status from 'Delisted' to 'In Danger'—bonus for the protective slippers complementing Kevin's shoes.

Russell Westbrook

You can always count on Russell! The Brodie, a new dad, went to Cabo with his family. Please scroll through so as to drink in his bucket hat on a boat, his ability to get a quick game of two-ball pickup in without making it "a thing," and pockets-out swim trunks, because he is so relaxed. Hashtag WhyNot.

Rating: An elevated Cabo experience with nary a Señor Frog's in sight.

JaVale McGee

JaVale may very well be in his own living room here but I could have sworn it was the OR, for how my heart exploded!!!

Rating: Cardiac arrest!

DeAndre Jordan

A tarp-off DeAndre partied with Diplo—an automatic deficit—but my friend ran into him a few days ago in Venice Beach and said he was nice. He also had a lot of bracelets on, a sure signal that he's got his mind in the game (summer vacation).

Rating: Dubstep over a Jimmy Buffett song.

Nick Young

Swaggy P met a dolphin and wasn't into it but gave it another shot in the spirit of summer vacation and cetacean relations.

Rating: Couple rapid clicks and a few shrill squeaks.

Paul George

Remember Paul George, back at the beginning of the summer in the first edition of NBA SVW, fishing alone? Our dude certainly chilled right out as soon as the ink on his OKC contract started to dry. Amsterdam, Ibiza—I like this because it shows me Paul has friends but I love this because, in his own words, he's become "one hell of a jeu de boules player now."

Rating: Euro Trece seems chill.

Karl Anthony Townes

The big KAT met some kittens!

Rating: Two lil' lions and a timber wolf—we basically bought a zoo.

Dirk Nowitzki

Can someone tell Dirk there are actual new bikes now that are made to look just like the one he's clearly stolen from an old farm shed? And that they can be properly sized to his body?

Rating: A case of sore knees or a possession of stolen property case.

Andre Iguodala

Golf is a boring way to spend any time off, let alone summer vacation, but I'm taking what I can get here because Andre is barefoot in sand with some water up to his ankles.

Rating: A double bogey on a poor substitute for a beach.

C.J. McCollum

C.J. watered a hole in Johannesburg and looked very happy about it.

No, C.J. helped to build houses in his downtime around the NBA Africa game and shows us that sometimes it's important to use your downtime to help others, even if the rest of your conference colleagues are completely blowing their summers.

Rating: Heaven just now confirmed they are missing one angel.

Marc Gasol

Oh, interesting, all the Brothers Gasol topless and water-adjacent but with a convenient crop so we can never know if they are wearing socks or not, as is their wont.

Rating: I'm going to go ahead and guarantee this a six dripping wet tubesocks out of six.

Troy Daniels

Troy Daniels caught a big fish on his birthday, maybe the biggest fish. This is a great opportunity for my longstanding nickname for Troy to finally catch on: "The Not Really Old Man and the Deep Three."

Rating: One point for every shade of blue you can count on Troy and his helpers, double points for his double-width bucket hat, tripled by the fact that it's his birthday, so roughly a rating of 84—the water temperature of Playa Del Carmen in August.

Patty Mills

As loyal readers know, we've already leaned heavily on Patty Mills this vacation season and will clearly continue to need to do so as long as the majority of the Western Conference cast stays lousy at summer vacation. Patty is simply incredible at summer vacation. If he keeps this up, he might even single-handedly reverse my stance on Australia and going there.

Rating: Throw another gigantic, ancient crustacean on the barbie, brumby. We're all comin' to Oz!

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Western Conference Edition published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[amtushinfosolutionspage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Western Conference Edition

No doubt you were starting to panic about where you were going to get your NBA summer vacation news from. All the signs were there: clammy hands, general malaise, the inexorable urge to always be swimming, your skin paling as if winter had set in and the color was seeping from your skin, even though it’s still the beginning of August. Well, rest easy and put those cutoffs back on, friend, because NBA Summer Vacation Watch (SVW) is back.

We pick up at the obvious yin to the last edition’s yang, the Western Conference. But I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news: the NBA’s Western Conference is terrible at summer vacations. I mean really bad. For a supposed juggernaut and the alleged superior conference, you’d think these guys might understand the concept of work hard, play harder. Alas, the majority of the golden West’s All-Stars appear to be allergic to saying adios to the gym and aloha to an ocean sunset. I know no such allergy, so I soldier on.

Kevin Durant

Might as well start as strong as possible: Durant went to India! Technically this was a work trip but I’ll let it slide, mostly because Kevin Durant deserves to do the funny pose of looking serious while pretending to pluck up the palace from a distance. There’s something to be said about the entire UNESCO World Heritage site being under construction, like the scaffolding around the Western Conference as it strains to have a good time, but that has nothing to do with Durant and does not belong here.

Rating: According to the UNESCO rating system, Durant has saved his conference’s SVW status from ‘Delisted’ to ‘In Danger’—bonus for the protective slippers complementing Kevin’s shoes.

Russell Westbrook

You can always count on Russell! The Brodie, a new dad, went to Cabo with his family. Please scroll through so as to drink in his bucket hat on a boat, his ability to get a quick game of two-ball pickup in without making it “a thing,” and pockets-out swim trunks, because he is so relaxed. Hashtag WhyNot.

Rating: An elevated Cabo experience with nary a Señor Frog’s in sight.

JaVale McGee

JaVale may very well be in his own living room here but I could have sworn it was the OR, for how my heart exploded!!!

Rating: Cardiac arrest!

DeAndre Jordan

A tarp-off DeAndre partied with Diplo—an automatic deficit—but my friend ran into him a few days ago in Venice Beach and said he was nice. He also had a lot of bracelets on, a sure signal that he’s got his mind in the game (summer vacation).

Rating: Dubstep over a Jimmy Buffett song.

Nick Young

Swaggy P met a dolphin and wasn’t into it but gave it another shot in the spirit of summer vacation and cetacean relations.

Rating: Couple rapid clicks and a few shrill squeaks.

Paul George

Remember Paul George, back at the beginning of the summer in the first edition of NBA SVW, fishing alone? Our dude certainly chilled right out as soon as the ink on his OKC contract started to dry. Amsterdam, Ibiza—I like this because it shows me Paul has friends but I love this because, in his own words, he’s become “one hell of a jeu de boules player now.”

Rating: Euro Trece seems chill.

Karl Anthony Townes

The big KAT met some kittens!

Rating: Two lil’ lions and a timber wolf—we basically bought a zoo.

Dirk Nowitzki

Can someone tell Dirk there are actual new bikes now that are made to look just like the one he’s clearly stolen from an old farm shed? And that they can be properly sized to his body?

Rating: A case of sore knees or a possession of stolen property case.

Andre Iguodala

Golf is a boring way to spend any time off, let alone summer vacation, but I’m taking what I can get here because Andre is barefoot in sand with some water up to his ankles.

Rating: A double bogey on a poor substitute for a beach.

C.J. McCollum

C.J. watered a hole in Johannesburg and looked very happy about it.

No, C.J. helped to build houses in his downtime around the NBA Africa game and shows us that sometimes it’s important to use your downtime to help others, even if the rest of your conference colleagues are completely blowing their summers.

Rating: Heaven just now confirmed they are missing one angel.

Marc Gasol

Oh, interesting, all the Brothers Gasol topless and water-adjacent but with a convenient crop so we can never know if they are wearing socks or not, as is their wont.

Rating: I’m going to go ahead and guarantee this a six dripping wet tubesocks out of six.

Troy Daniels

Troy Daniels caught a big fish on his birthday, maybe the biggest fish. This is a great opportunity for my longstanding nickname for Troy to finally catch on: “The Not Really Old Man and the Deep Three.”

Rating: One point for every shade of blue you can count on Troy and his helpers, double points for his double-width bucket hat, tripled by the fact that it’s his birthday, so roughly a rating of 84—the water temperature of Playa Del Carmen in August.

Patty Mills

As loyal readers know, we’ve already leaned heavily on Patty Mills this vacation season and will clearly continue to need to do so as long as the majority of the Western Conference cast stays lousy at summer vacation. Patty is simply incredible at summer vacation. If he keeps this up, he might even single-handedly reverse my stance on Australia and going there.

Rating: Throw another gigantic, ancient crustacean on the barbie, brumby. We’re all comin’ to Oz!

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Western Conference Edition syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

[flauntpage]

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Western Conference Edition

No doubt you were starting to panic about where you were going to get your NBA summer vacation news from. All the signs were there: clammy hands, general malaise, the inexorable urge to always be swimming, your skin paling as if winter had set in and the color was seeping from your skin, even though it's still the beginning of August. Well, rest easy and put those cutoffs back on, friend, because NBA Summer Vacation Watch (SVW) is back.

We pick up at the obvious yin to the last edition's yang, the Western Conference. But I'm afraid I've got some bad news: the NBA's Western Conference is terrible at summer vacations. I mean really bad. For a supposed juggernaut and the alleged superior conference, you'd think these guys might understand the concept of work hard, play harder. Alas, the majority of the golden West's All-Stars appear to be allergic to saying adios to the gym and aloha to an ocean sunset. I know no such allergy, so I soldier on.

Kevin Durant

Might as well start as strong as possible: Durant went to India! Technically this was a work trip but I'll let it slide, mostly because Kevin Durant deserves to do the funny pose of looking serious while pretending to pluck up the palace from a distance. There's something to be said about the entire UNESCO World Heritage site being under construction, like the scaffolding around the Western Conference as it strains to have a good time, but that has nothing to do with Durant and does not belong here.

Rating: According to the UNESCO rating system, Durant has saved his conference's SVW status from 'Delisted' to 'In Danger'—bonus for the protective slippers complementing Kevin's shoes.

Russell Westbrook

You can always count on Russell! The Brodie, a new dad, went to Cabo with his family. Please scroll through so as to drink in his bucket hat on a boat, his ability to get a quick game of two-ball pickup in without making it "a thing," and pockets-out swim trunks, because he is so relaxed. Hashtag WhyNot.

Rating: An elevated Cabo experience with nary a Señor Frog's in sight.

JaVale McGee

JaVale may very well be in his own living room here but I could have sworn it was the OR, for how my heart exploded!!!

Rating: Cardiac arrest!

DeAndre Jordan

A tarp-off DeAndre partied with Diplo—an automatic deficit—but my friend ran into him a few days ago in Venice Beach and said he was nice. He also had a lot of bracelets on, a sure signal that he's got his mind in the game (summer vacation).

Rating: Dubstep over a Jimmy Buffett song.

Nick Young

Swaggy P met a dolphin and wasn't into it but gave it another shot in the spirit of summer vacation and cetacean relations.

Rating: Couple rapid clicks and a few shrill squeaks.

Paul George

Remember Paul George, back at the beginning of the summer in the first edition of NBA SVW, fishing alone? Our dude certainly chilled right out as soon as the ink on his OKC contract started to dry. Amsterdam, Ibiza—I like this because it shows me Paul has friends but I love this because, in his own words, he's become "one hell of a jeu de boules player now."

Rating: Euro Trece seems chill.

Karl Anthony Townes

The big KAT met some kittens!

Rating: Two lil' lions and a timber wolf—we basically bought a zoo.

Dirk Nowitzki

Can someone tell Dirk there are actual new bikes now that are made to look just like the one he's clearly stolen from an old farm shed? And that they can be properly sized to his body?

Rating: A case of sore knees or a possession of stolen property case.

Andre Iguodala

Golf is a boring way to spend any time off, let alone summer vacation, but I'm taking what I can get here because Andre is barefoot in sand with some water up to his ankles.

Rating: A double bogey on a poor substitute for a beach.

C.J. McCollum

C.J. watered a hole in Johannesburg and looked very happy about it.

No, C.J. helped to build houses in his downtime around the NBA Africa game and shows us that sometimes it's important to use your downtime to help others, even if the rest of your conference colleagues are completely blowing their summers.

Rating: Heaven just now confirmed they are missing one angel.

Marc Gasol

Oh, interesting, all the Brothers Gasol topless and water-adjacent but with a convenient crop so we can never know if they are wearing socks or not, as is their wont.

Rating: I'm going to go ahead and guarantee this a six dripping wet tubesocks out of six.

Troy Daniels

Troy Daniels caught a big fish on his birthday, maybe the biggest fish. This is a great opportunity for my longstanding nickname for Troy to finally catch on: "The Not Really Old Man and the Deep Three."

Rating: One point for every shade of blue you can count on Troy and his helpers, double points for his double-width bucket hat, tripled by the fact that it's his birthday, so roughly a rating of 84—the water temperature of Playa Del Carmen in August.

Patty Mills

As loyal readers know, we've already leaned heavily on Patty Mills this vacation season and will clearly continue to need to do so as long as the majority of the Western Conference cast stays lousy at summer vacation. Patty is simply incredible at summer vacation. If he keeps this up, he might even single-handedly reverse my stance on Australia and going there.

Rating: Throw another gigantic, ancient crustacean on the barbie, brumby. We're all comin' to Oz!

NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Western Conference Edition published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv