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theartofmedia · 5 years

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The Art of Review: YIIK: A Postmodern RPG

I have been sitting here for about two hours with this tab open, trying to find out how to properly introduce this. At the time of writing this (May 7, 2019, 10:02 PM), I have just finished watching YIIK several hours ago. However, I have been doing just about everything to avoid actually writing about it, because I have no idea how to ease the reader into this.

YIIK is so reprehensible that I created this segment--”The Art of Review”--because I needed to talk about this game. I needed to explain just why this game fails on every single account, and is so blatantly offensive. Initially, I was going to do a piece on something creator Andrew Allanson had said about games and his protagonist, Alex. It had to do with character development, and a common criticism was Alex’s sheer lack of it; naturally, I decided to watch a walkthrough online in order to see this for myself first-hand.

I was not prepared for what I saw. I have never had to take as many breaks from any media before due to sheer anger at what I was witnessing. I have never seen a game that fails in every single sense, that is regarded as such high art by its developers. Except maybe David Cage, but he’s a topic for another day.

YIIK: A Postmodern RPG is one of the worst pieces of media I have ever had the displeasure of viewing... probably in my entire life. I wish I was exaggerating.

Before I go any further, I would like give immense credit to GrandmaParty and the others at the Something Awful forums for doing an LP of the game with commentary and cutting out the fights. GrandmaParty graciously linked the thread to me--which is full of sources that I will also be linking to throughout this piece--and made the entire game tolerable enough for me to power through. It wouldn’t have happened without you guys, so thank you very much for extending a hand to a small creator trying to get her footing in the world. <3

I will also be linking to the various episodes of GrandmaParty’s LP with timestamped links to show particular scenes or dialogue. I’ve heard that one Andrew Allanson likes to say that people doctored screenshots of his game to make him look bad. Sorry, but I don’t like being accused of forgery, so I’m going to just preemptively strike that claim down.

Now then. This is going to be a big, long review. Allow me to tell you how we’ll be separating this.

We’re going to have two main sections: a non-spoiler review, and a spoiler review. This is mainly due to the fact that a lot of the game’s issues come from its mess of a story, one that can only be understood fully if you’ve seen it through to the end (and its multiple endings).

But let me be clear here.

DO NOT BUY THIS GAME.

Don’t buy it for a laugh. Don’t buy it to see how bad it is. It’s broken, it’s offensive, and the creators and proven themselves time and time again to be genuinely awful and prejudiced people. Do not give these people money.

The non-spoiler and spoiler sections will be divided into subsections, which may also have subsections of their own.

With that said... let’s begin my review of YIIK: A Postmodern RPG.

Non-Spoiler Review

Plot:

The plot of YIIK (it’s pronounced like Y2K, but I’m going to pronounce it as ‘yick’ personally) follows Alex, a freshly-graduated college student, and the strange events that begin to occur once he returns to his hometown of Frankton. He follows a cat to an old factory/hotel, where he meets Sammy, a young woman who appears to live there. When she is taken by some mysterious creatures in front of Alex, he begins a journey to try and find out what happened to her, and begins to make discoveries that could endanger the very fabric of the universe. In theory, at least. In reality, the story is an absolute clusterfuck of vague metaphysics, and the rules of the world were never clearly established, so everything just becomes an incoherent mess.

Characters:

The characters are bare-bones at best and absolutely insufferable at worst. Alex especially is infamous among critics and detractors of the game for his arrogance, ignorance, underlying racism/sexism we’ll get to that, and lack of properly-written development. I’m not going to go into full detail with Alex just yet--there will be an entirely separate post on him. Something also to keep in mind that general consensus appears to be that Alex is an author-insert for Andrew Allanson. Whether that is or isn’t true is frankly up to the viewer, but there’s no definitive proof of it.

(Oh!!! Quick thing!! This image here keeps circulating around--this person is not Andrew! That is someone named Cr33pyDude on both Twitter and Reddit! He just so happens to look like the main character. Don’t rag on this guy, everyone, he doesn’t have anything to do with this shitshow. <3)

Most of the other characters are bland and underdeveloped, but all have potential to be better (Rory especially, in my personal opinion) if they were in the hands of a better writer. The female characters, though... either they are fawning over Alex, being written as nagging and overbearing, or having so little significance that taking them out entirely would change nothing. Don’t worry, we’ll get to that. Other NPCs are forgettable, and enemies are out-of-place monsters that hold no consequence to the story.

Writing:

And the writing--dear god the writing. The writers don’t know the phrase “show, don’t tell.” So frequently would Alex monologue about nothing. Upon coming back from seeing a woman get taken by supernatural creatures, he goes home and reflects--only to go on a tangent about his mother. Immediately after that, he goes on a rant about p/o/r/n/ when sent an email and how girls that he used to go to school with wouldn’t be doing “particularly unladylike” things. And the entire game is like this. Alex will go on pseudo-philosophical rants to himself, and they reveal nothing about his character except that he thinks he’s better than everyone else. He’ll also frequently describe things as though talking to someone--while this does get explained later, it still is completely frustrating when the narrative says “I said this and she said that” instead of just having dialogue or actions between characters. A lot of the dialogue doesn’t exactly... sound like anything a human would say. It’s stilted and unnatural.

Graphics:

The graphics are... bad. Really bad. The style is supposed to be a throwback to old-school, very polygonal games, but environments lack any and all actual texture, making them incredibly flat and uninteresting at best and painful for the eyes at worst. Everything is extremely colorful, but in the sense of neon colors. Everything is so bright and vibrant, and there is barely a place where someone’s eyes can rest--it’s balance in art. Brightness like this needs to be contrasted with darker, more muted shades, or else it just hurts to look at. The viewer’s eyes need places to rest, and the muted shades allow them that reprieve. You don’t get that with YIIK. It’s just a constant bombardment of colors and lights, to the point where if you are sensitive to these kinds of things, you may not want to look even at game footage unless you’re prepared. The character portraits are fine, even if some expressions are odd, but the in-game chibi-esque models are... bad. Really bad. They’re so uncanny and unsettling, and their expressions almost never change. (Also Alex has detailed teeth and it’s just as horrifying as you might think.)

Music/Audio:

The music is. Awful? It’s awful. It’s genuinely really bad. Case in point: one of the boss battle themes. You can hear this poor guy trying so hard to put power behind his voice, but it just sounds unnatural and strained. (Also he clips the mic at some points, and the balancing in general is. Bad.) He’s out-of-tune and occasionally off-beat, and it just makes for a very unpleasant listening experience. And a lot of the music is like this, being just an assault on the ears. The one real exception to this is the track ��Into the Mind” made by one Toby Fox, presumably before he made Undertale and was doing freelance work. (He has since deleted his tweet promoting it. Screenshot of the tweet here, courtesy of @GameTheoryRejects.) The audio in general is poor, with irritating sound effects, occasional distorted audio that’s supposed to be scary but is so poorly done that it just hurts to listen to, and voice acting that’s lackluster at best and utterly emotionless at worst.

Gameplay:

Full disclosure: I did not personally play the game. But just looking at it shows how irritating, slow, clunky, and repetitive it is. Each character has a minigame that you play in order to attack, defend, use special attacks, and even run away. These minigames, unlike in something like the Mario & Luigi series, are slow, drawn-out, and completely break up the flow of the fight. And none of the other characters matter then anyway, because turns out if you max out your LUK stat, you can use a particular move that hits all enemies and completely one-shot them from critical damage. (And this move can even glitch out the game in some cases!) The menus are crowded and visually uninteresting, making everything sort of meld together. (Another minor criticism: YIIK has a tendency to put the player in unwinnable fights. You are never aware of what fights are winnable and which fights are designed to kill you. More on this later.)

Speaking of gameplay, the leveling system is... bizarre and tedious. You get EXP, but you don’t gain the ability to level up (yes that is an ability you have to gain) until a couple hours into the game. Leveling up is done in the Mind Dungeon, which you access from save points, and you have to go through doors that increase the stats you assign it. There are four doors per floor, and when you go to the next floor, you and all of your teammates (even if you haven’t met them in-game) level up. Sounds simple, right? Well. It’s slow and repetitive, and NOTHING HAPPENS. You walk in a door. You walk out the door. Rinse and repeat for 70 floors. (280 doors, by the way.) Here’s GrandmaParty doing this for an hour to get an idea of the tedium that this induces. You get to play a minigame when you banish certain enemies, but that serves less as ‘spicing up the gameplay’ and more of ‘adding more steps to this already-boring section.’

So to recap: Flat characters, word-salad plot, painful prose flat-out ugly graphics, backwards gameplay and leveling system.

Tl;dr: Game bad. Don’t buy it.

... This ends the non-spoiler portion of the review. And also the section where we start to talk about some... sensitive topics.

As such, I am going to issue a legitimate trigger warning: the following pieces talk about suicide/depression in detail, as well as physical & domestic abuse situations.

And a small content warning for those who aren’t legitimately triggered by these subjects but still feel uncomfortable reading about the following: homophobia/transphobia; sexism; racism; and the actual use of a real-life woman’s death as a plot device. No I am not fucking kidding about that last one.

So. Let’s get into the real shit about YIIK.

Spoiler Review

Plot:

Let’s start with the plot. There isn’t really a driving force for this plot; initially, it’s finding Semi “Sammy” Pak (well, everyone except Rory says “Park,” even though all of the written lines say “Pak,” so that’s great) after she is taken by mysterious figures. However, as the game progresses, the search becomes less about finding Sammy until she’s just a footnote, and becomes more about... meandering around the world going from one goal to another while fighting things. (The game points this out, but self-awareness doesn’t excuse the fact that it happens. Especially considering the upcoming plot points...)

Then the metaphysics start--people have been trying to decipher this world’s rules for a while with little success, so bear with me, I’m going to try to make as much sense of what we’re given as possible.

There exists a “place between places“ known as the Soul Space. It exists between parallel realities. A person can actually will themself into the Soul Space via... depression? One character, Vella, says that another character, Rory, left his body when he “surrendered himself to his misery” following the death of his younger sister, and explained herself that she fell into a deep depression as well before entering the Soul Space... but it’s not dying? Or it can be? Here Rory asks The Essentia 2000 oh we’ll get to her don’t you worry if dying means you enter the Soul Space. She says that it’s complicated. Her explanation boils down to, “if you care only about material goods and not about your bonds, when you die, you will cease to exist. If you don’t care about materialistic goods when you die, then ehhhhh???”

Also, if your reality is destroyed but you go into the Soul Space, you can become a Soul Survivor (aka the not-Starmen, seen in the cutscene with Vella and Rory linked above) and get stuck in other’s realities as you try to find a physical body. Also, people share a Soul across parallel realities--meaning, parallel versions of yourself would share the same Soul. But they’re not the same people. They have different lives, races, genders, names, but they share the same “Soul.” Only one person with that “Soul” can exist in a reality at a time, hence the form that the Soul Survivors take if they enter a reality where another person with that “Soul” lives. If, however, that person with your “Soul” is no longer in that reality, you can retake physical form and essentially take their place--though not as them, but as you.

And if you go into the Soul Space you apparently understand the secrets of the universe and are beyond normal human follies.

Confused yet? Me too, and I wrote this damn thing. The worldbuilding is so vague, and the players aren’t given set rules that the world plays by. Even when the more surrealist elements of the game start to appear, there should still be rules. Perhaps nonsensical rules, but rules nonetheless. Instead we get talk about Souls and parallel realities, scenes of bright colors and strange imagery that never gets explained or really acknowledged (other than a mention of them being “breaks in reality” like, once), and some plot twists that imply... a lot.

Let’s talk about the characters before we get to the ending.

Characters

Besides Alex, there are five major characters in YIIK:

Michael, who is Alex’s childhood friend and who doesn’t really have much relevance between the beginning and the end of the game. No, really, for the middle portion of the game, he doesn’t really do anything. He hangs around, that’s about it. He gains relevance again during the end of the game where he goes into the Soul Space and becomes Proto-Michael, and that... happens, I guess. I think it contributes to the revelation later on about reality breaking.

Vella is... a strange character. A strange character forced to contradict herself because the plot demands it. She’s shown to be a character who takes no shit, but also bends at the first flimsy apology Alex gives her. She is compassionate to someone like Rory, but spends most of her time calling out Alex. (And yet, somehow, they fall in love???) These notes I took previously on Vella’s first appearance show how what kind of walking contradiction that Vella is as a character:

”Stop creeping on me while i’m at work”

”Okay I’ll go to the house of two strangers who i just accused of perving on me, in the middle of my work shift, to look at these pictures of me on this website i’ve never heard of that can’t go wrong”

”So let me tell you about this traumatizing experience i had with a supernatural creature, saying how emotional and painful it was without any emotion in my voice”

”also i’m not going to tell you how I got to where the supernatural creature was because it’s very personal and I don’t know you and revealing that would make me vulnerable”

”By the way I’m going to give you my number as well as this other number for a training dungeon basically because I like you two”

... yeah,

Rory is probably my favorite character out of this dreck, and he deserves so, so much better than being in this shit. He’s a quiet scene kid who initially gets roped into the plot with the disappearance of his 12-year-old sister--turns out, however, that she killed herself, and Rory struggles with the resulting grief, trauma, and depression that follows. He’s a sweet kid who’s a pacifist, is teaching himself how to make games, knows a lot of random bits of information about many things, and overall deserves so much better than this game. Sorry Allansons you’ve lost your Rory privileges he is My son now

Claudio and Chondra... are just kind of there? Claudio’s a stereotypical weeb. Chondra is the “sassy black girl”/little sister type (which is later revealed to be even stranger, because she’s apparently a graduate student). They don’t have much outside of that, and that’s a shame, since they had a lot of potential to be really good. However, they also seem a bit... tacked on and included for diversity’s sake, as both of them mention racism at some point, and... yeah. The game isn’t very graceful with that topic, as I’ll soon get into.

There is also the character of Panda, who appears out of nowhere in the factory/hotel and is never questioned. It becomes very clear that he’s a figment of Alex’s imagination, and is Alex personifying him as his sort of “conscious“ when he is, in reality, only a stuffed bear. He only talks when Alex is alone. A lot of people really don’t like him, but I will admit that I got mildly emotional when he drifted away in space near the end--but only because I myself make stuffed animals and dolls, so nearly any stuffed animal holds a place in my heart. However, I can very much see why people wouldn’t like him at all.

Anyway.

The Fucking Ending:

So everyone just kind of meanders around for the middle portion of the game until surprise! On New Years’ Eve the world is going to be destroyed. Not just the world--the entire reality. And it’s going to be Alex’s fault, somehow. Also Sammy--who Alex becomes obsessed with--Vella--who is an explicit love interest for Alex--and an android--the previously-mentioned The Essentia 2000, who Alex has a dream about and immediately becomes infatuated--with all turn out to be the same person! Why pick between love interests when they can all just turn out to be the same person?! Also, Sammy was taken by apparent demons because her Soul was in the process of going into the Soul Space, and the creatures the took her were actually the other 2/3rds of her Soul that had already gone into the Soul Space and they were just collecting the last piece. I think.

The game turns into a watered-down version of Persona 3, where you have about a month--from Thanksgiving until New Years’ Eve--to train and get strong enough to stop whatever is going to destroy reality. (The actual Y2K thing is mentioned about halfway through and serves little relevance other than to mark when the end of the world is, since Y2K isn’t actually the cause of the world ending). Then there are some weird plot twists about how reality has been breaking for a long while (this was briefly foreshadowed in Alex going to Michael’s house only to be told that Michael doesn’t live there, and then going to another house where Michael is) and it makes a lot of things really confusing?? And then New Years’ Eve comes where everything is really breaking. Turns out the end of this reality is caused by a meteor with Alex’s face on it a la the moon from Majora’s Mask, no I am not fucking kidding. And it moves around like an inflatable arm-flailing tube man, no I am not fucking kidding.

And then everyone dies. No, really, this is an unwinnable fight. You die. Your entire party dies. Their reality is destroyed.

Alex wanders around the Soul Space for a while until he finds other versions of himself, and various “dark versions” merge together to create the Proto-Comet (’proto’ being the suffix to describe the end product of parallel selves merging together to form one entity). Alex follows the comet around as it destroys reality after reality until...

He finds one that hasn’t been attacked.

And gueeeeeeess what?

You, the player, are a parallel version of Alex. So he enlists you and another party of parallels (using the names you were supposed to input in the beginning) to destroy Proto-Alex. Here, you meet a spectre who is very obviously Sammy Pak, and she says that she’s sorry that Essentia “used her to get to you,” and you hug her.

Eventually you do get to Proto-Alex, as well as a different form of Essentia. Turns out that Essentia lied to you about Sammy and Vella--turns out, Essentia IS you. Well, Essentia is part of Alex, and she tricked Alex into destroying Proto-Alex in order to free herself from the “Soul” that they share. So you can choose to fight Proto-Alex, and if you do, you lose. Again. The boss fight in unwinnable.

And then this... really weird section happens with the character of Roy from Two Brothers, Ackk Studios’ previous game that got pulled from Steam due to bugginess and crashing. Roy basically says that people were “trying to stop his quest” (aka critics) and that Alex shouldn’t give up. (Note that this is a complete non-sequitur to anyone who doesn’t know who Roy is, where he came from, or the story behind the game being pulled.)

After that, you control both the player avatar given and Alex in order to “unplug” Proto-Alex and Essentia, which will make them “whole”? It basically means that all the versions of Alex will merge together into you, the player.

Then the game ends.

At least. Kind of. There’s more than one ending.

But... we’ll get back to that in a bit.

There are many questions the game raises without answers. Why was Sammy bleeding and screaming for the Soul Survivors not to take her because “you promised you wouldn’t move me again!”? Who actually is Vella? Why did no one question Essentia and Vella being in the same space if it was already said that they couldn’t be? Who actually is Sammy? Why is she a ghost and not a Soul Survivor? Why were Proto-Alex and the other “dark Alex”-es trying to destroy realities? Why does Proto-Alex look different than the other Alex-es, who look relatively similar? Who actually was the voice on the phone--it was implied to be Proto-Michael, but he didn’t exist when those phone calls were made? Is Claudio and Chondra’s missing younger brother actually a version of Alex, as this clip implies (esp. w/ the anime shirt)?

Good luck getting answers, because we sure as hell don’t get any.

Also--glad to know that the entire month of training that you spent the latter half of the game doing was all for naught, since the last two major fights you’re in are unwinnable. There are four minibosses to fight, so it isn’t all for nothing, but still. You don’t even get the satisfaction of killing the final boss. You pull a lever and he and Essentia get weirdly electrocuted.

One more thing: the twist of “Essentia lied to you” made a metric fuckton of exposition in her Mind Dungeon utterly pointless, and also feels like a flimsy excuse to absolve Alex of blame for the shitty actions of his parallel selves--more on that later.

So let’s touch on some controversy now that we have gone over the rest of this incoherent mess of a plot.

Elisa Lam

One of the most famous controversies of YIIK is the use of Elisa Lam’s death to propel the story. This is true--the creator admits that he “was very moved” by Lam’s death.

For those not in the know, let me give you a brief summary of the case of Elisa Lam. (Yes this is going to be primarily from Wikipedia but it also has news sources cited for it.) Elisa Lam was a 21-year-old Chinese-Canadian student who was reported missing at the beginning of February 2013. On February 17th, the workers at the Cecil Hotel in Los Angeles (where Lam was visiting) discovered her nude body in one of the hotel’s water tanks after guests complained about the taste of the water. The police released footage of Lam, from the day of her disappearance, acting strangely in an elevator, appearing to be hiding from something, pressing elevator buttons, and gesturing and talking to no one. There was controversy surrounding her death, as people wondered how she could have locked herself in the water tank, and how the police could rule her death as accidental. People have suspected that it was due to paranormal activity that she was acting like that, or others said that she could have been having hallucinations (as Lam was diagnosed with bipolar and depression). Her death was quickly spread through internet circles as some paranormal myth.

YIIK incorporates this as a huge part of its starting plot.

Semi “Sammy” Pak is very clearly inspired by Elisa Lam. The two bear striking resemblance to one another, being young Asian women in their early twenties with straight black hair (even parted in the same place)--and this photo from the LA Times shows that Lam wore rounded glasses, like the ones Sammy wears. (Lam is Chinese-Canadian, while Sammy is stated to be Koren-American. Sammy is also 23 when Lam was 21.)

This photoset from JamJamJamJamuel shows the biggest criticism of YIIK: the recreation of the elevator video. It’s obvious by the angle and some of Sammy’s movements that this was, in fact, meant to emulate the elevator video of Lam. The game also shows that people are less concerned about Sammy as a person and more about the mystery of the elevator, like the internet stopped caring about Lam as a person and more of a supernatural myth.

However, there’s more than just this.

There’s a weird... almost fetishistic nature when the in-game protagonist talks about Sammy. Alex describes his meeting with her as “intimate” (they met for like. an hour), calls her “my Sammy” when comparing his story to the story of the news, says that he “misse[s] her. I didn’t know her really, but I felt like I did.” And the very next line is uh. “In the unreal twilight hours, in-between sleep and waking, she slipped into my dreams, got tangled in my thoughts, like the blankets tangled between my legs, her brain melting with mine.”

... Gross, to say the least.

And yes, by the way, Sammy basically becomes a love interest. That’s not completely disrespectful and disgusting to the actual human woman that the devs never met or anything at aaaaaaaall.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.

Rory basically goes on to describe a “creepy urban myth” about the water tower near his town. You can imagine what that leads to. It’s a beat-by-beat retelling of the finding of Elisa Lam’s body, except they make it a “nameless girl,” and the writers basically insert their opinions of how it was definitely a murder and the police called it an accident.

More tasteless than a fucking saltine.

OH BUT WAIT THERE’S EVEN MORE.

Near the end of the game, you find the ghost of Sammy Pak. Since she’s not a part of Essentia, it seems that Essentia used her form to get to Alex. She says that she’s sorry and that she’s going to go back ‘home’ now, and you hug her.

But that’s not even the worst of it.

Allow me to tell you about the second ending.

Second Ending:

YIIK has more than one ending--both are considered canon. Ending 1 is the one described above.

Ending 2, however...

Just before leaving the house for the last time, in order to get this second ending, you have to look at the computer in Alex’s house and read this post. It implies that you need to go find Sammy. (It also has some things to say about postmodernism but that’s for another day.)

You go outside... and she’s hiding behind a tree outside your house. No I’m not kidding. (Granted, this is the part of the game where reality is beginning to break apart, so.) She also says “I love you” which, given her “inspiration” by Elisa Lam... yeah. That’s not creepy and tasteless at all. And it also doesn’t make any FUCKING SENSE BECAUSE ALEX KNEW HER FOR AN HOUR AND NEVER SAW HER AGAIN.

Okay, okay, anyway, if you go back into the house and leave through the back entrance, you’ll be taken to the world map. Your destination is the KNN--the Korean News Network, where Sammy had been employed before she vanished. The faceless NPCs only refer to Alex as the name you put in at the beginning of the game, so presumably, everyone from this point forward is now talking to you, the player. (Also everything is pink. Really pink. For no real reason unless it’s “””symbolic””” of something?) You wander around for a bit, doing menial tasks, until you finally get to a pink version of the room you first met Sammy in. She calls you on a phone and tells you that she’s sorry for dragging you into this mess (because Alex/the player went looking for Sammy in the first place), and that she “has a solution” to prevent Essentia from using Alex any more.

You find yourself in front of an elevator, the same elevator that you rode with Sammy when she disappeared. She calls you on the phone again and says that if you go through the elevator doors, there’s no turning back. If you step through, you see the spectre of Sammy again, and she wants to show you where she’s been. You hug her, and she says that she’s so glad that she met you, “even if it was just a game. We’ll be together in your waking reality one day, I’m sure of it. For all I know, we may already be.”

... Roll credits!

No. Seriously. That’s the second ending. You, the player, (presumably) go into the Soul Space with Sammy for eternity, and Sammy basically gives you a love confession (after all she says “I love you” before anyway).

Need I remind you all that she is based off of a REAL-LIFE WOMAN WHO DIED THAT NEITHER OF THE ALLANSONS KNEW?!

Hi, yes, sorry, I’m fucking livid about this. Not just because of the disgusting use of a real-life woman’s death in your game, not just because they fetishized her and turned her into a love interest, not just one of the endings--which is a canon ending--had her telling you she loves you and having you go off with her...

... but because this game has been in development since 2013.

Elisa Lam wasn’t even dead for a fucking year.

Yes, other media has cropped up about Lam’s death, and I think it’s just as tacky and tasteless as this. But these guys had so much time to change it, to have someone say “hey maybe you shouldn’t do that,” and it happened anyway. The sheer lack of respect that the Allansons have for not just Lam but also her still-grieving family is astonishing, and it genuinely makes me sick. My thoughts and condolences to the family of Elisa Lam, having to deal with the press, internet conspirators, and people like this. I hope that they all can still find some sense of peace, even with all of this going on.

Racism:

So this game can be really, really fucking racist sometimes. Let’s start with the more explicit dialogue.

In the very beginning, Sammy calls Alex a ginger, and he says “that’s our word.” He’s equating “ginger” to a derogatory slur.

Here’s the next instance, with Alex referring to Vella--an Asian woman--as “vaguely ethnic” and “exotic.” (He doesn’t face consequences for this, either. Just a slap on the wrist of “don’t talk about race.”)

Later on, Chondra talks about race in an actually not that bad rant about how “I bet if [my brother] had been a beautiful white woman, everyone would have cared that he vanished.” This actually is somewhat insightful, as... well, it’s rather true. POC, when it comes to investigations, are often pushed aside, ignored, or given the least amount of effort. And then Chondra also calls out Alex’s lowkey racist fantasy of “being the white knight swooping in and saving the exotic Korean girl.” However... that’s it. Alex doesn’t get any insight from that, or rethink his reasons on why he wants to save Sammy.

And that’s where we get into Claudio and Chondra and the more implicit racism in the game. Neither of them have much in terms of personality--Claudio likes anime, Chondra is there for quips. Neither of them have any significant arcs, nor do they serve much story purpose beyond being extra party members and talking about race--which feels racist in and of itself, just to have characters of color there to talk about race. (Claudio even goes into an extensive rant about how it’d be racist to think that he knows how to pick locks, but he does know how to pick locks, just not the type that they need open. It comes out of nowhere, is utterly unwarranted, and is completely against the rather chill persona that Claudio has had up until then.) Their characters had a lot of potential to be good! However, much like every other character, they’re very underdeveloped.

(Also, if you have either Claudio or Chondra in your party when you get attacked by cop enemies, they will only shoot at either of them, you know, the only black characters in the main party, and my god I wish I was kidding.)

And then... the love interests.

Sammy is a Korean woman. Vella is an Asian woman of unknown descent. The Essentia 2000 has shown that many of her parallel lives are women of color. All of them are love interests for Alex, the white hero. Yeah. And the game calls it out, but no actual repercussions are given!

Speaking of these ladies...

Sexism

This game is really fucking sexist. Like, genuinely, it’s really sexist.

I think a lot of Vella’s contradictory character comes from this sexism and seeing her as a love interest rather than a character. Though she calls out Alex and is upset with him most of the time, she still accepts his weak apologies very easily--apologies that seem very manipulative and insincere when almost immediately after, Alex tries to convince her to let him into her Mind Dungeon, and if you take that as a metaphor than it gets even worse.

As well, Vella’s backstory includes her being used by a much-older man. What can you do after she tells this traumatic story about her being used by a man? Kiss her. And she doesn’t even get upset or angry with you; she just blushes and says to head back to the others. Because that’s not gross and manipulative or anything. That’s not taking advantage of a vulnerable woman at ALL.

The only female characters of importance that aren’t lusting after Alex are his mom and Chondra--I’ve already mentioned that Chondra has little story importance and personality, and Alex sees his mom as nagging for asking him to get groceries, gets angry at her when she says that she lost her job and asks him to get one to support the house (please note that she paid for his and his sister’s college educations in full, including semesters she didn’t plan for), and gets annoyed with her freaking out when he went missing for five days.

So yeah. The game doesn’t have the highest view of women.

But let’s talk specifically about Essentia. Essentia mentions that Alex has hurt her in parallel realities--but it’s okay, because they’re parallel versions, not actually him! And Essentia reveals that Alex’s parallel was the person who hurt Vella! But it’s okay, because she’ll love him unconditionally no matter how much he hurts her. It’s... really reminiscent of domestic abuse. And it frankly doesn’t matter that Essentia turns out to be a part of Alex and that any of the story of Vella or Sammy isn’t true; the game frames it as perfectly okay that it might have happened. It’s okay that parallel versions of Alex have hurt parallel versions of Essentia, because she loves him. It’s incredibly twisted, and it’s honestly a dangerous message to be sending.

(Also, in a very weird instance of sexism against men, out of all of the parallel selves that Essentia shows Alex, the only man is extremely hostile and violent towards Alex. It’s... kind of weird, honestly.)

Depression/Suicide:

Oh boy. Oh fucking boy.

A little background on myself.

I’m two years into my undergrad for a Psychology/Criminology double major. Classes I have taken include classes about pathologies of the mind and mental health (Psychopathology of Childhood, Developmental Psychology, Personality Psychology, Seminar on Positive Psychology, and of course Basic Psychology to be specific). I have also been clinically diagnosed with anxiety/depression, and both of these are genetically based, meaning that I have lived with them my whole life and will continue to live with them. (I am medicated, for anyone wondering. The meds are the only way I can function at a normal level.) I have felt suicidal before, I have had friends who have been suicidal before, and I have talked others down from self-harm or suicide. I’m not an expert, but I know a thing or two about mental health, depression, and suicide.

This game... this game doesn’t fucking get it at all.

(Just a quick thing: the game makes an OCD joke. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder jokes aren’t funny, folks, since people who have it are affected by it all the time to the point of it often being debilitating. Just wanted to mention it a) to give you an idea on how the game handles mental health and b) because it really doesn’t fit anywhere else.)

Most of this surrounds the character of Rory, as he clearly suffers from depression and suicidal thoughts, as well as feeling grief surrounding his sister’s own suicide. When this is revealed, you know what Vella says to “comfort” him? “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. I understand what you were feeling. 'This depression is unbearable.' 'I can't take it anymore.' The 'depression/pain' part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can overcome it is up to you. You decide if you're going to keep going. Your sister is dead. Nothing can change that. [...] You can't help but feel the pain, but you can get through the suffering. That will go away. Look, I understand that it's easy for me to say. I'm not the one whose sister is dead. But you have to understand that I am telling you the true reality of the situation. You're playing with some otherworldly dangers here!“

Let me break this down to show you why this is not something to say to someone who is traumatized and in a deep depression due to the loss of a loved one.

“[W]hether or not you can overcome it is up to you.” This puts full responsibility of overcoming grief and depression onto the person suffering from it, which is not okay, and not true. Rory lost his 12-year-old sister to suicide! Very recently in the game’s timeline, as well!

Vella is basically telling him “it’s your job to get over your grief and depression.” Putting full responsibility on someone for feeling depression and grief is disgusting. If someone is grieving, what they should do is reach out. If they aren’t, reach out to them. Don’t let them suffer alone. Suffering like this is not a choice. People don’t choose to suffer.

By saying that suffering is “optional,” it subtly blames the person suffering for their own suffering, which makes their chances of getting better plummet. So frequently will people suffering from mental disorders put the blame on themselves for “not trying hard enough” or “being broken” or “not being good enough” because they think that this is all their own fault, and they won’t seek help, because “it’s all my fault.”

Now, when someone is in recovery? Yes, they should definitely try--even if it’s in small bits at a time--to to learn to cope with their disorders in healthy ways. However, when in recovery, the person is assisted by therapists, friends, family, and possibly medications. They aren’t alone. They aren’t alone, and are often guided by those who know how to help them and want to help them. The responsibility isn’t pushed solely onto them. One doesn’t “get over” being depressed. They learn to cope. They learn to accept it as a part of them, rather than all of them, and learn that they are more than their depression. The suffering never truly goes away; it can lessen, though, and a person can learn to live with it.

Some people may defend this by saying that the Allansons lost their mother very recently, and this is how they handle their grief. I lost my father in February of last year. I know this type of grief. And just because that’s how they handle their grief, that doesn’t mean it’s a healthy way of coping, nor the type of coping mechanism you should promote in your game. (I will admit that my own methods of coping weren’t great, and that I’m trying to improve on that now.) There’s a quote that I heard somewhere that goes something like, “grief never really goes away. We just learn to live with it.” That suffering doesn’t ‘go away.’ It ebbs and flows, some days being bearable, and other days not.

But that’s not the end, friends. Oh, far from it.

At one point, you can flat-out tell Rory to “stop being depressed. Being depressed is a choice.” It is noted to be the “wrong” choice, however, Rory barely reacts to it, making it not seem like the wrong decision. I don’t feel like I need to explain why “depression is a choice” is a take colder than the depths of space. Depression’s not a choice, folks. Hell, I would love it if it was, I would love to stop the fatigue, the emptiness, the lethargy, the lack of motivation, the irritability, the messed-up appetite, the fucked-up sleep patterns, the fits of crying. That would be fucking great. But I can’t. BECAUSE IT’S NOT A CHOICE, YOU WALNUT.

Okay, okay, sorry, back on topic. So let’s say you’re mean to Rory. You wanna know what happens?

He kills himself. And according to this user, the story doesn’t change and barely acknowledges Rory after his death. (Obviously there’s not footage out there of the characters mentioning that Rory committed suicide. However, the developers themselves commented on the previously-linked Steam forum post confirming its legitimacy. This is so unbelievably fucked up. Suicide is already a topic that should be handled with care, but having a main character commit suicide and have that death have no impact on the story? I don’t even have words for how deplorable that is. (Doesn’t help that the game basically pushes whether Rory lives or dies onto the player, which is also disgusting, because I don’t think the developers had the insight into suicidal ideation to know that it’s a multitude of factors that lead to suicide, and not just one person being )

(Sidenote: here are the links to the National Suicide Prevention Line and the Crisis Text Line in case anyone needs them. Please take care, friends. <3)

[Addendum: as I was working on this review and listened to the podcast linked a little further down, Andrew Allanson had this to say at 2:08:47: "When you make an unlikable character, people expect Sherlock Holmes or Dr. House. They want flawed heroes, but only to the extent that they’re beautiful and intelligent and slightly Asperger-y."

Thank you for basically saying that having Asperger’s Syndrome is an unlikable trait or makes people unlikable.]

Anti-LGBTQ+

So let’s talk about the prejudice against non-straight and non-cis people!

Andrew Allanson has been rather fucking clear about his prejudice against trans people and non-straight people. In the “The Dick Show” podcast, starting at 1:45:45, Andrew Allanson was interviewed by the commentators. I will be providing timestamps of quotes since I can’t directly link to them.

(Sidenote: I was listening to this podcast and waiting for Andrew’s pa rt to start, and one of the commentators was talking about Women’s History Month, and saying “If a woman doesn’t have a man, she’s going to expect the government to be her man. That’s just the way they’re wired.” [1:44:24 - 1:44:31]. Yeah. That tells you the type of people who run this podcast and the type of people that Andrew decides to associate himself with.)

[1:52:15 - 1:52:] “... we made the mistake of asking the player, ‘what name did your parents give you?’ And it turns out that that is a very offensive question. Because some people, um, are trans, and don’t use the name their parents gave them. So immediately the game is targeted as being transphobic. [...] So we wanted to basically create a character off of the player in the game, the first thing we ask you ‘are you a boy or a girl,’ ‘what’s your name’, and people were so bent out of shape over this. Look, I’m sympathetic to trans people, I understand why it upset them. But the problem was when we apologized, that wasn’t good enough. People then took it and said ‘what else can we find in this game to prove that it’s offensive?’”

So here’s the thing: that... is lowkey transphobic? Because it’s like you said, these people don’t use the names that their parents gave them. You’re asking them, intentionally or not, to deadname themselves. There’s a reason they call it a “deadname.”

Later on they ask, “which of these do you identify with?” and show a male figure and a female figure. Which frankly, is alright.

And then they changed it in an update to “what do you look like?” which feels like a very direct jab at trans people, especially the ones who were upset by the initial question relating to names.

Oh, and then there’s this part (I only know DIck and Andrew’s voices, I’m afraid I don’t know the third, sorry m8).

[1:54:35 - 1:55:10]

Andrew: So you play as this guy, Alex, you just come home from [college, audio cut out here], you’re an entitled asshole--

Dick: You get points for stomping queers, as I understand it, that’s the game, right? You go around and--

Andrew: The goal is to establish the white ethnostate.

[unintelligible as others laugh and talk over each other]

Dick: --you have a little ‘gaydar’ in the corner and it points you to the nearest homosexual, and then you go, y‘know, “Hammer [X]”

Andrew: It’s - it’s - yeah, it’s a hack-and-slash.

Dick: If you buy the game they send you a special overlay you can put on your controller that turns all the buttons into ‘K.’ So it’s not ‘A’--

Andrew: Yes!

Dick: --Just ‘K,’ ‘K,’ and ‘K.’

Andrew: Just ‘K,’ ‘K’--yeah, exactly, exactly.

So we not only have the mockery of gay folk, but also mention of murdering them (whether in a joking fashion or not, this still isn’t fucking funny and not something to joke about, especially if you are not LGBTQ+ yourself. And to my knowledge, none of these men are).

And that’s just from the creator himself, as well as the first few minutes of the game.

Let’s talk bout The Scene.

What is The Scene? Well, it’s the scene where Alex and Rory talk, where you can tell Rory that “depression is a choice.” Should you be kind and supportive to him, you know what you can do? “Try to kiss [him.]” And there’s art for it. There is literally no reason for this to be here other than “haha it’s a guy trying to kiss another guy, gay people are funny!” It seems to be an attempt at humor, but it fails... rather miserably.

The Legendary Third Ending

I call it “legendary” because no one knows if it actually exists or not, because people can’t find it, regardless of the hints given by the developers.

Andrew, while doing “The Dick Show” interview, mentions that he put DIck Masterson (the host of the show) into the game in the third update [1:45:56] , and that you have to give Dick a pair of aviator glasses, where he will give you a red pill [1:47:15 - 1:47:33]. Dick is also found in Chapter 4 of the game [1:47:40].

The devs also tease it on Twitter, saying that it’s “sad and challenging to complete”, and they give vague and unclear hints that don’t seem to help even the fans of the game--after all, no one has found it, apparently. Even the YIIK Discord (though this is just hearsay) has been losing steam in trying to find this ending.

I think it’s a testament to the quality of the game when one of your major three endings is nigh-impossible to find. (For the record, I feel the same way about how PT went about its ending, and how arbitrary it felt to do these very specific things that the game barely tells you about.)

Miscellaneous Other Things That Don’t Fit In The Above

There are a couple other things that irk me about this game, so time for a rapid-fire round!

You can kiss Rory, who’s implied to be a senior in high school (due to this talk of college). So he’s, at best, 18. Alex had 5 and a half years of college (the game says “five and a quarter” but unless I’m mistaken colleges work in semesters not quarters,), so he’s probably 23-24. Yeah. (There’s also the issue of consent--when you kiss Vella she just blushes and acts more docile, while with Rory, he rather vehemently rejects it. So women just accept an unwanted kiss? Hm.)

You fight a flasher as a miniboss. Because sexual harassment is hilarious. (And if neither Michael nor Rory are 18 yet, then there’s the possibility of minors being involved. YEAH.)

The title card is intentionally glitchy af and it hurts the eyes, honestly.

If you go through New Game+ and go to the 70th floor of the Mind Dungeon, Alex will basically talk to himself about some things:

It mentions that “crows are ugly.” You fool. You absolute buffoon. Crows? Excellent. Very intelligent birbs.

This is basically “hey we suck, but so does everyone around us, it’s fine”

This game unironically uses Wonderwall lyrics in an emotional scene, like I know it was popular and not a meme in the 90s but my guy, you gotta think about the connotations with the audience you’re releasing this for,

“I sighed as the elevator began to shake, vibrating with motion.” Thank you for using three words to describe the elevator shaking,

The One Thing That I Liked

Surprisingly, there is something I liked about this game. Not solely in concept, not in its potential, but in its actual execution.

It starts on the day of New Years’ Eve. It’s dark outside and inside. Alex suddenly starts getting many random calls, some from people he knows, others he doesn’t. Some voices are distorted, some aren’t. Some are talking to him, some aren’t. And they’re quick little calls before they hang up, and Alex barely says a word. He can’t leave the house, and keeps getting phone calls that get more and more distorted as time goes on.

That? I think that actually really works.

It’s a more subtle way of showing reality breaking: getting calls from people, both friends and strangers, that are slowly getting more and more broken, and you can’t do anything. You’re trapped in your house, you can’t see outside, you don’t know what’s going on. You can’t help your friends, even when Michael screams for your help. The slowly deteriorating stability of the calls are your only indication of what’s going on outside.

And for me, that works. It was the one section of the game that I felt legitimately invested in. So, kudos to the devs for that one.

Conclusion

YIIK isn’t just bad. It’s offensive. It’s ignorant, it handles serious topics incredibly clumsily, and the worst of it is that Andrew Allanson considers it to be ‘art.’ (If you’re wondering why I didn’t talk about the “video games aren’t art” quote, don’t worry. That’s going to be its own essay.)

YIIK fails on every level, from technical to storytelling. Please, I beg of you, don’t give this game money. Just go watch the LP.

You may have noticed that I didn’t talk much about the “postmodern” aspect of the game, nor much about Alex as a protagonist.

Both of those are going to be their own separate essays.

This wild ride still ain’t over, folks. Hang on.

#yiik a postmodern rpg #yiik: a postmodern rpg #yiik #andrew allanson #yeehaw #holy shit this one is SO LONG but im so proud of it

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salvaation · 7 years

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(Titantale pt1)Just thought of an idea, what about attack on titan x undertale (Titantale)? The monsters are the titans & the humans(Not the ones in the manga)built walls to keep them safe as Asgore waged a war on humanity, their size, strength & magic wiping many humans out until they were finally able to fight back when the gear was invented. Time passes & they're left in peace till the fateful day where the outer wall is destroyed allowing smaller monster to enter & devour/kill citizens

Titantale pt2)Frisk’s parents are killed, but they still remain merciful. They join the survey corps when they’re older to protect civilians, somehow never killing. Frisk is looking out over the town on the outerwall when a monster appears behind them(Sans)(who is being lifted up by papyrus to see over the wall despite paps being tall enough to barely look over) who places his hands on the wall, grinning down at them. Chaos erupts, in the chaos & confusion paps (accidentally) kicks a hole in the wall Titantale pt3)allowing smaller mons to enter, following Asgores’ orders to kill civilians(Paps & Sans were only meant to observe for Toriel, not break the wall open). Death & destruction follow, but Frisk never kills, only saves. They also save Sans & Paps from other scouts which causes them to get knocked into San’s mouth which snaps shut, saliva pooling from their taste, before being pushed around & tasted. Sans nearly swallows, but pulls them out. Both parties are frozen before Frisk escapesTitantale pt4)Paps & Sans escape, but Paps does seal the hole he caused, preventing any new monsters entering. The remaining mons inside are killed, whilst Frisk helps the remaining citizens before being captured and thrown in prison for being a traitor (saving the skele-bros). A couple of weeks later they’re being held for a public execution, injured & starving from guards disgusted with them. They insist they did no wrong, that the tall one was crying & displaying emotions, etc.Titantale pt5)Just as they’re about to be killed a boney hand surrounds them, shielding them from the attack before being picked up, screams & shouts sounding out at Sans’ sudden appearance. He’s livid at the soldiers, but concentrates on saving Frisk, swallowing them despite their pleas so they could heal, but make them think they’re dead so no one will look for her, before leaving. They were interesting & deserved to be rescued, he also wanted to know them better ~Shy anon

Aaaahhhhhh your ideas are always so amazing, I had so much fun with this one!!!!!

Frisk knew the monsters outside were dangerous. Many times larger than humans, with magic that allowed them to overwhelm even the strongest armies. And for reasons no one inside their Barrier could understand, they would eat humans.

The thought terrified her, especially after the fall of their first line of defense. She had lived in a town of Barrier for a long time - the past generations hadn’t been the most inventive when it came to names, the three walls being named Barrier, Home, and Surface. The Surface was the innermost sanctuary, hundreds of miles from the lands that had fallen to the monsters centuries ago. It was the land of privileged and elite, the richest of the rich. Home was where most of the remaining population lived, being the greatest area of land that humanity still claimed.

Barrier was the outermost wall, where the poorer citizens were. Frisk’s hometown was a wall district named Ebott, a small town jutting from the main mass of Barrier with its own defensive wall surrounding it. Not the most secure place, but no one inside the walls had seen a monster for almost a century.

Of course, the humans weren’t completely defenseless, cowering in their walls. They had a military, comprised of three main branches. The Mages, humans who possessed magical abilities and were thus most fit to combat monsters, was the most dangerous position. They were the only ones to journey outside the Barrier, in hopes of regaining the world lost to them.

Their expeditions had an average mortality rate of 40 percent. No one in their right mind would want to join them, and so the Mages were constantly in need of recruits. Though a child Frisk knew was insistent on joining them, as he would constantly announce to anyone who asked.

The second branch was the Keepers. They maintained the walls, and also were generally made up of magical humans, though these people didn’t have powers as strong as the Mages. Their responsibility was to keep guard at every gate and checkpoint along the walls, and to protect citizens in case of a breach. But that would never happen - no monster had ever penetrated the walls in the centuries since they’d been erected, and it was likely none ever would.

The last branch, and the most hated by common people, was the Guard. They were theoretically the most elite of soldiers, tasked with maintaining order in the Surface and protecting the king, though everyone knew they were lazy, slovenly cowards. None of the Guards ever saw anything larger than a street fight, and most of them couldn’t even use the gear every member of the military was provided with. At one time they had been descendants of the people who had built the walls, royal of blood if not birth. But by now anyone who graduated from boot camp with good enough marks could join.

Those who lived in the outer rings could only ever dream of seeing the Surface, a marvelous paradise that could only be found in stories outside that innermost sanctum. Frisk had never understood the allure of the Surface, though. She had always wanted to protect people, and had decided early in life that she would become a Keeper. At least, once she was old enough to join the military.

But her dreams were brought to frightening reality when the Barrier was broken. A monster more powerful than any seen before or after destroyed the gate of Ebbot, and Frisk had seen countless innocents die that day. She had managed to escape, finding refuge in Home, but from then on humanity knew what it was to be truly afraid. Her own parents had died in the attack, and she had left everything she knew behind to be taken by monsters.

When she turned thirteen, the girl signed up to join the military. The training camp was long and difficult, but she was pleased to meet some new friends.

The boy she’d known from Ebbot was there too, as determined as ever to join the Mages. Frisk wondered how he could still want to go out and fight - he’d lost his mother in the attack as well, and had barely escaped with his life. But she didn’t look down on his dream like many of the other recruits.

The trainees were divided up into seven groups, depending on their magical focus. Each type was fueled by a certain trait, and by working to strengthen that trait they would become powerful magicians.

Frisk was in the same group as that boy. She was more than a bit surprised - she didn’t think her magic would be based on Determination, she’d thought it would be Kindness, or possibly Patience. But she didn’t complain - the instructors knew what they were doing, after all.

The teen didn’t make it a point to talk to the boy. He was so intent on his goal of bringing back what humanity had lost he never stopped to think of mercy as an option. Frisk didn’t think he would get very far if his first thought was to fight.

After two long years the cadets finally fit to become soldiers, and their class spent the last night as a group in a border town of Home, celebrating and saying their goodbyes in preparation for the division the next day.

Most of her classmates were going to become Keepers, if they didn’t score high enough to join the Guard. Only a handful expressed a desire to join the Mages - the angry brunet boy and his two friends were the only ones that she could think of. Frisk said her goodbyes to those who would be leaving to the other branches, and went to bed early. The party had left her exhausted, and she wanted to be rested for the next day.

None of them could have guessed what would come with that new dawn. It had been a beautiful day, a few of the cadet squads were on the wall going through their daily routine that would be necessary if they were to become a Keeper. She had paused in her work to look out over the town, smiling as she wondered what new adventures awaited.

“Holy shit!” Someone yelled, prompting her to turn.

She froze on the spot, eyes widening as she stared at the impossible sight before her. A monster was peering over the wall, teeth fixed in a terrifying grin. Its gaze fixed on her, standing mere feet from its face. If she tried, she could probably touch it.

“What are you doing?? Sound the alarm, man the cannons! Frisk, move!”

Someone grabbed her by the arm, roughly yanking her away from the monster. It watched as she stumbled, falling to her knees as her shaking legs gave out.

Looking up at whoever had pulled her, she saw the boy from Ebbot, the one set on being a Mage. His face was set in a look of grim determination as he shouted orders to the rest of them, all frozen in shock like she had been.

He turned, looking at her and nodding. They were the only two Determination mages on the wall - the strongest branch of magic available to humans.

The other members of the squads were working quickly, bringing the cannons around as others gathered the ammunition. But they weren’t fast enough - a horrifyingly familiar ear-splitting sound came from below.

The gate had been broken, and the monsters could enter the city.

“Sound the alarm, now!” Frisk yelled, already scrambling for her flare gun. As a squad leader, she was provided one for emergencies. This definitely counted.

A red plume rocketed into the air, visible for miles around. The monster had disappeared - a skeleton type, her mind distantly noted - but there were more coming.

“We have to get the people out - it’ll be a slaughter! My squad, start evacuating those closest to the wall. The Keepers have been alerted, and hopefully the Mages haven’t left for the expedition yet.” She instructed. If they have, there’s nothing we can do but retreat to the Surface.

Her team nodded at the orders, hurrying to clear the buildings nearest the destroyed gate. She was shaking, she realized.

“Nice job, didn’t think you had it in you, Frisk! You’re a great leader, now let’s make sure these people can evacuate safely.” The boy - Eren, she suddenly remembered. His name was Eren - said, before shouting orders at his own people. “My squad, prepare to engage! Don’t let anything past the gate, they’re bottlenecked there and it gives us the advantage!”

“Don’t die.” She whispered, too faint for any of them to hear as they leapt into the fray.

Frisk had to protect the people of the town, she couldn’t let another innocent be killed. Not again, never again. She was sweating, barely managing to stay on her feet as she swung through the town, the familiar shzzz-fwip of her gear echoing in her ears.

She saw a squadron of Mages descend on a group of monsters, the emblem of their branch emblazoned proudly on their uniforms.

Maybe the day wouldn’t be completely lost, if the Mages were still here they might be able to reclaim the town.

Reaching a building some ways above the chaos, she stopped for a moment to rest, breathing heavily from her exertion. She watched as the Mages took down monsters, wincing whenever one of the massive beings collapsed into dust.

She may not like them, but she still didn’t like the thought of killing anything, even monsters.

As she watched, she saw the skeleton that had been peering over the wall. It was smaller than she’d anticipated - those walls were huge, and the skeleton was maybe forty feet tall. But there was another skeleton near it, this one somewhere between sixty and sixty-five feet, if she had to guess.

She saw a trio of Mages descend on the taller skeleton, magic sparking around them as they prepared to fight it. She saw the shorter skeleton turn, a look of what she could only call panic on its face before it vanished, appearing directly near its companion.

That one could be dangerous. A teleporting monster - she’d heard vague stories of them before, but no one had ever seen one. Frisk watched as it drove the three Mages off, its magic creating a flashing halo of blue and yellow in one eyesocket.

But she was more concerned about what she’d seen earlier. The monster had clearly been upset, but from everything she knew they weren’t emotional creatures - they only sought to hunt humans to extinction, with no regard for anything else. And it hadn’t killed or eaten those Mages, merely driven them away.

She was confused, but she wanted to see more of this strange monster. Without much further thought, she swung across the buildings toward the pair of skeletons, coming to a stop not far away. She watched them interact, curiousity growing as everything the two did defied all she knew about monsters.

Another group of Mages descended on them, these clearly more skilled than the ones before. Without thinking she launched herself towards them, standing between the squad and the pair of monsters she’d been watching.

“No, wait! These ones are different, they don’t act like any other monster we’ve ever seen. They haven’t hurt anyone, and they showed concern for each other.” She yelled, spreading her arms and planting her feet on the roof.

“What are you talking about, rookie? Get out of the way, that kind of behavior is going to get you killed!” One of the Mages replied scornfully, marching towards her with a grim scowl.

“I can’t let you do this - it isn’t like anything I’ve ever seen. We can study them, find out more about them! We don’t have to kill them, there has to be another solution!!” The girl replied, unaware of the massive footfalls behind her.

“Move, kid! If yer not gonna fight, run back to the inner wall and let the adults handle this!!” The Mage yelled back, shoving her out of the way.

The soles of her boots skidded across the roof tiles, finding no purchase as she tilted over the edge. She flailed frantically, trying to regain her balance, but fell despite her efforts, reaching towards the Mage that had shoved her and sent her tumbling.

She landed on her back, sprawled on a surprisingly soft, slimy surface. The girl lay there for a few seconds, stunned by the fall, before realizing that she was staring at a massive set of teeth. From the inside.

Frisk screamed in panic, reaching towards freedom a split second before ivory fangs snapped shut, barely missing her arm. She cried out, the force of her recoil sending her sliding back from the slick ooze coating everything around her. Complete terror filled her, adrenaline flooding through her veins as she clawed at the wall of teeth holding her captive, tears filling her eyes and streaming down her face to mix with the blueish slime she was quickly covered in.

A squawk escaped her as she fell onto her face, sputtering and coughing in surprise before she was pinned against those massive teeth, face pressed against the hard surface. She struggled, trying to at least turn to fight back easier, but couldn’t even manage to push away from the monster’s teeth.

Tears ran freely down her face. She was going to die here, there was nothing she could do to fight against an opponent so much larger and stronger than her. Falling limp, she didn’t even struggle as it pushed her around, simply waiting for the end.

Fear made her stiffen when she was squished against the top of the thing’s mouth, and she screamed senseless pleas upon feeling herself begin to slide. But it didn’t swallow her, though it could have so easily. Once again she was pushed towards the sharp fangs, pinned as the monster swallowed around her.

She shuddered, trying not to think, but she couldn’t help it. It was just a matter of time before she went the same way, nothing but a helpless morsel sent to burn in a monster’s belly.

“Please, I never wanted this I just wanted to help people I’m sorry I’m sorry I don’t want to die, someone please help me I don’t want to die like this.”

A scream slipped from her mouth as she suddenly tumbled backwards, landing hard on her back. The impact knocked the wind out of her and she lay gasping for breath for a few seconds, eyes still firmly shut. Finally she managed to fill her lungs, choking and coughing as she breathed.

“sorry.”

Her eyes flew open at that single word, growled from a voice far deeper than any she’d ever heard. She was frozen, staring up at the monster looming above her, its face cast in shadows that made it seem like something from a nightmare.

It was the skeleton type from before, the one she’d tried to stop from being killed. The white lights of its eyes were fixed on her, staring with as much intensity as her own terrified gaze. She trembled in fear, seeing huge digits curling up around her in the corners of her eyes. It had her - literally - in the palm of its hand. There was no way she could fight this.

An eternity of silence flashed by in a second, as she was suddenly dropped a short distance to the ground. The monster continued to watch her, hesitating for several minutes before pushing her with a finger.

The spell broke, and she scrambled to her feet, trying to get as far as she could from the behemoth. As she ran, she heard that deep, growling voice speak again.

“go.”

She didn’t look back, running as far and as fast as she could until she finally ran out of breath, collapsing in a hidden alleyway. It was some time before she was discovered, this time by a handful of her fellow recruits. She vaguely recalled being lifted from the ground onto someone’s back, the person carrying her to the muster point as her mind reeled from the experience she’d suffered.

A brief view of the destroyed gate stuck in her mind—it had been closed off with an unnerving lattice, a portcullis of bones spread far enough that humans could pass through on horseback, but close enough that no monster could squeeze in. Where had such a thing come from, she briefly pondered in passing.

“Frisk Deitez, you are under arrest for treason against humanity.”

“What??”

* * * * * * * *

Frisk shivered in the cool, dank air of the dungeon. She’d been down there for what seemed like weeks, but it couldn’t have been that long. Without a window she couldn’t know for sure, though.

The guards were cold and cruel, refusing to feed her much other than bread and water. She was starving and cold, but all she had was a hard wooden bench and a thin blanket.

“Please, I don’t know what you think I did, but I never would have betrayed us all!” She pleaded, shaking hands clasped around the bars of her cell.

“Shut up, you filthy traitor.”

That was how all her attempts at conversation went. She never even got a visitor down in the cold stone jail, locked up alone in the dark.

The door squeaked horribly, making her wince at the sharp sound. Footsteps were heard on the stairs, coming down to the row of cells deep beneath the earth.

“Come on. Take the traitor, it’s time for her trial.”

Frisk was roughly dragged out of her cell, handcuffed and kicked by the guards. Even though she couldn’t imagine what she could have possibly done to warrant this treatment, she still went quietly, stumbling from pain and weariness. The group arrived at the court after a few minutes, the girl barely able to walk straight. But she didn’t have to walk, at least, being chained to a post in the center of the room before everyone.

“Frisk Deitez, you stand accused of treason against your fellow humans and providing aid to the enemy. How do you plead?”

“Not guilty! I don’t know what you’re talking about, what did I do??”

“Your charade does not fool us. Testimony from several Mages placed you interfering in an attempted kill, blocking them from doing their job and speaking for the defense of monsters. How else could your actions be construed, except as betrayal of the highest order?”

“No, you - you don’t understand! Those ones were different, they showed emotion. They were concerned about each other, and didn’t try to hurt anyone, they just wanted to get away.” She tried to explain, before a loud bang made her flinch and fall silent.

“So you admit to interfering in the work of Mages? And yet, despite your insistence that these particular monsters made no attempt to harm any human, one of them nearly ate you, correct?”

The brunette teen was silent, her mouth hanging open in shock.

“N-no, I- One of the Mages pushed me, and I fell off the roof. It caught me, but didn’t try to eat me - it let me go, pushed me away from the fighting. How can you explain that as the actions of a mindless, ravenous beast?” She argued, pulling against the cuffs on her wrists desperately.

“You are found guilty of providing aid to monsters, interfering in the work of senior soldiers, and attempted betrayal of humanity. The sentence for your crime is death.”

The courtroom was so silent she hardly even dared to breathe. How could they accept this? How could her friends watch this without speaking up, let her be slaughtered like so many before her?

She was numb as another pair of guards released her from the post, yanking her to her feet and dragging her out of the building. Her mind vaguely registered the sight of the latticed gate, sunlight streaming through the gaps in the bones as they stopped before it.

Of course. For her crime, she would be sentenced to death.

By monsters.

Frisk struggled as the soldiers pushed her towards that entrance, fighting frantically to avoid the certain doom beyond. One of them laughed cruelly, sneering at her. “Why so scared? Weren’t you just telling that story about your monster savior, maybe it’ll come rescue you before you’re completely torn apart, eh?”

She let out a choking sob as they shoved her through the bone fence, falling on her face in the dirt beyond. Her whole body trembled in fear as she slowly sat up, looking back at the men who barred her from re-entering the safety of Home.

“Please, I-I didn’t mean to do anything! I just wanted to help, please don’t let me die.” She cried, tears blurring her vision.

“Better start yellin’ fer yer monster buddy, girlie, cause here they come.”

A shadow fell over her, blocking out the sun as she sobbed in the dust of the road. She didn’t even try to fight as a hand reached down, fingers curling around her to pluck her from the ground.

Somewhere behind her she heard shouting, but she was unable to pay it any mind. Her limbs refused to respond, stiff and numb from terror and mind clouded.

Frisk tensed as the monster touched her, fingers larger than her body curling over her and blocking out both light and sound. She was so scared, but she couldn’t get her body to work like she wanted it to.

“Please, I don’t- I don’t want to die, I never wanted- I was just trying to help, this isn’t what I thought would happen.” She whimpered quietly, already knowing her pleas would fall on deaf ears.

A low, growling hum made her flinch, ducking her head and raising her bound arms to try and defend herself from whatever was coming, but nothing happened. Looking up, she saw that she’d been taken by the smaller skeleton monster - a small relief, as at least this one hadn’t outright tried to kill her. It had pushed her out of the dangerous areas, after all. Maybe it was here to save her - wasn’t that a ridiculous thought.

But as she watched, it quickly raised a finger to its mouth in a shushing gesture, glancing between her and the gate below a few times. Confusion struck her, the girl just staring dumbly at the behemoth’s actions. It had been weird before, but this was a whole new level of strange.

There was some twisted sense of relief when it lifted her closer to its face, grip shifting to pinch the back of her shirt between two bony fingers. She squirmed, kicking at the empty air as it looked at her, brown eyes staring right back in confusion. Then it opened its mouth wide, and let go.

Frisk screamed, flailing wildly from the short fall into its maw. Her mind was blank, the only thought her desperate need for survival. She was even weaker than before, though, hunger and injury sapping her strength within minutes. The brunette could barely squirm when the monster pressed her against the roof of its mouth, but she still pleaded helplessly as she began to slide back.

Nothing she said seemed to affect it, as with a final, solid gulp she slid down the behemoth’s throat into its gut. She didn’t even have the energy to cry anymore, just trembled in fear as she curled around herself for a little comfort.

The analytical side of her was making studious observations about this skeleton’s insides, but she couldn’t be bothered to pay any attention to it. What good would it do anyone anyways, she would die without being able to tell anyone after all.

Her exhaustion, both emotional and physical, took its toll, and she finally gave in to unconsciousness, eyes closing as her breathing slowed to the soft rhythm of sleep.

* * * * * * * *

He was careful with the girl, not wanting to hurt her after going through all that trouble to get her. She was the only human he’d seen who would argue to the defense of monsters - Toriel would want to see her, and he was curious.

After sending her down to his stomach - more of a holding space beneath his ribs made of magic, really - he turned towards the gate. He could sense the souls of two humans hiding in the shadows, and gave them a cold, menacing glare. It sickened him that they had so little compassion as to be willing to watch a child die. Even though she was safe, they couldn’t know that, and they had laughed at her cries for mercy.

He was disgusted with humans. So cruel and callous, even towards their own kind.

With a final growl directed towards the slimy cowards he turned, leaving the wall towards his home, where his brother and the exiled queen waited.

It wasn’t a very long journey, at least for him with his shortcuts. If the humans tried to follow him, it would take near a week or more to reach the hidden place, but he was there in a few hours.

Upon entering their hidden home, he quickly made his way to the couch—monsters weren’t the uncivilized savages that the humans seemed to think they were, they had perfectly normal homes and lives much like the little creatures, but on a far greater scale.

There wasn’t any sign of his brother or Toriel, so he kicked back on the couch to take a nap. They’d wake him up when they got back, and so many jumps drained him and left him barely on his feet.

Besides, he couldn’t do much with the human until they arrived. Might as well rest.

* * * * * * * *

Muffled voices.

She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she could tell there were two people talking. One had a deep voice, that seemed so familiar, but she couldn’t place it. The other voice was soft and warm, it sounded like home and safety and love. That voice was so gentle it almost made her cry, it was like coming home to a hug from her mom.

The girl was comfortable, laying on a soft, plush surface. Not like any bed she’d had, and certainly not like the ones in the barracks - little more than a wooden plank with blankets thrown over it. She was surrounded by the softness, cradled gently and perfectly warm.

Frisk shifted slightly, trying to alleviate a painful pinching numbness in her arms, but couldn’t move her wrists from each other.

The voices stopped, silence reigning for a brief moment before the deep voice spoke again, but this time she understood.

“i think she’s awake, tori.”

Why was that voice so familiar, but still so strange? The confusion was making her upset, but she was still so sleepy, and this weird bed was so soft and warm…

A startled yelp escaped her as she suddenly fell, landing on a hard and unforgiving surface after a brief tumble. She groaned, rubbing her shoulder where it had hit the ground - ? - and slowly blinking her eyes open.

Frisk froze, panic flooding through every inch of her body at what she saw. Two monsters, a skeleton and a - goat? Yeah, close enough - goat loomed far over her, casting an ominous shadow. The girl stared up and up and up almost impossibly high to take in the behemoths.

She was shaking horribly, acutely aware of the absence of her mobility gear on her hips. But even if she’d had the gear, she doubted there would be much she could do.

The skeleton lifted her up closer despite the terrified whine that she made, its fingers curling slightly around her. The movement made her head spin, vertigo setting in as she wobbled precariously in the giant beast’s palm.

But it just sat her on a flat surface, hesitating slightly near her before pulling its hand away. When she failed to stand up, wobbling for a brief moment, it reached towards her again, but she let out a frightened cry and hid behind her bound arms. An explosive release of energy made her look up, eyes widening at the ruby bubble that now surrounded her.

Of course, she only managed a shield after she was captured by monsters. Typical. But the clear walls made her relax somewhat - at least the gargantuan creatures couldn’t directly touch her.

“s’at better? m’not gonna touch ya f’ya don’t want me to, but i can understand the bubble too.”

Frisk’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped at the words, staring at the skeleton monster. She must still be asleep, there was no way that had just happened. Everyone knew that monsters couldn’t talk. She squeaked in confusion, still staring but with less abject terror and more existential confusion.

“whassat look for? never seen a talkin’ skeleton, heh?” The giant folded its arms on the surface she was standing on and rested its skull on them, peering down at her from a less extreme height.

“What the hell is going on? I’m dead, right? I’m dead, or in a coma, or something, there’s a perfectly logical explanation as to why there’s a talking monster here when monsters can’t talk.” The girl rambled, running shaking hands through her hair as she dropped her gaze to the ground below her.

“mmm, nope, nope, and well. surprise?” It grinned at her, closing one eyesocket in a wink. “now, any other questions?”

The goat placed a hand on the skeleton’s shoulder, glancing down at it before looking at her. She flinched at the firm stare, feeling guilty as if she’d been caught stealing from the cookie jar.

“Hello, my child. I apologize for frightening you, it was not our intention.”

That was the nice, motherly voice she’d heard before. Just hearing it again made her tightly wound muscles relax, calmness seeping into her bones at the sound.

Then a sudden memory popped into her mind like a bubble.

“You ate me, how am I still alive?? And what the hell, if you can talk why hasn’t anyone ever mentioned that?”

The skeleton lifted a finger, waiting for her outburst to finish before replying.

“question number one, yes i did. monsters run entirely on magic, as opposed to you little humans who are mostly matter. we can’t get any energy from anything without a certain magic-matter ratio, which luckily excludes you guys. so we can eat you without causing any damage. and question number two, because most monsters don’t think of you guys as very intelligent either, so they don’t try to talk to humans. most monsters, meaning pretty much everyone except us three.”

She sat quietly, thinking over one part of the explanation that stuck out.

“Three?”

“Yes, child. Sans’s brother Papyrus is part of our little rebellion, however he is not here currently.” The goat answered.

“O-kay…” She was quiet for a few more seconds, before asking another question. “Why don’t monsters think we’re intelligent? We talk a lot, and built the Walls.”

The skeleton, who was apparently named Sans, stretched a hand out towards her, causing her to flinch back to the far side of her bubble. But he didn’t try to grab her or anything, just held his hand up next to her.

“kid, you’re smaller than my little finger. do you guys ever consider that maybe bugs can talk? it’s kinda the same thing.” He replied, wiggling his fingers for emphasis.

Frisk scowled at the comparison, folding her arms tightly across her chest. “We’re not bugs.”

“yeah, ya kinda are.” He was grinning again, holding his thumb and forefinger right in front of his face as he boxed her in. “so tiny.”

The goat had left her view a few minutes ago, which made Frisk feel slightly uncomfortable. She was all alone with Sans, who had apparently had no qualms about eating her - even if she was safe, it still didn’t seem like something anyone would do to another person.

And that feeling certainly didn’t go away when he leaned forward, grin widening until he reminded her of a cat in an old story she’d read.

“yer starin, pipsqueak. wanna take another look, all up close and personal? promise i don’t bite.”

Frisk shivered, already pressed back against her little bubble and helpless to move farther away as he yawned widely, giving her an excellent view of the inside of his mouth.

“really, ya shouldn’t tease me like this, tiny. all that red’s makin’ me think of ketchup, an’ i’m awfully hungry…” He loomed over the girl, grinning widely as she trembled in fear, her eyes wide and unblinking.

She jumped when he leaned back, laughing hard and wiping at his eyesockets. “aw man, ya should’a seen yer face! stars, that was hilarious, whew.”

Tears sprung up in her eyes as she realized it had just been a cruel joke, the fear still in her making her tremble as she tried to glare at him.

“Y-you can’t just do that to someone, that’s not funny! Do you know how many friends I’ve lost to that fate? Don’t joke about it!” She yelled, hands balled into fists in her fury.

Her outburst got an immediate reaction. He stopped laughing and stared at her, the white dots in his sockets vanishing into empty pools of black as a malevolent air settled in the room.

“who said i ever thought you were a person?” He said, voice low and threatening. She quailed, shrinking back from the frightening display before her. “the only reason yer not dead is because you spoke up for my bro an’ me, got it? yer kind has murdered people i care about, so don’t go thinking i have any kindness to spare for you. i can do whatever i want, whenever i want, and you can’t stop me, got it?”

She nodded quickly, hardly daring to breathe as he leaned back again, lights reappearing in his empty sockets.

“I never wanted to hurt anyone, even monsters… I only joined the military so I could help people.” The girl said quietly, shifting her wrists against the rope tied around them. It was tight, and chafed painfully against her skin, leaving angry red marks beneath it.

“yer different, i’ll give ya that. but yer still on thin ice - i only saved ya cause you were interesting.” He grumbled in reply, glancing over when she let out a pained hiss.

“here, lemme help with that.” She flinched away at his words, recoiling from his outstretched hand with fear evident in her stiff posture.

“m’not gonna hurt ya, an’ besides - yer gonna need both hands fer what i’ve got comin’.”

Reluctantly she lowered her shield, the shimmering red bubble fading into nothingness as she braced herself for whatever he was going to do.

He scooped her up in one hand, pulling her closer so he could focus on the knots that bound her.

Frisk stared up at the skeleton’s face with a cautious sort of curiosity. He was certainly interesting, and as she watched his face twisted into an irritated scowl as he tried to figure out how to get her free from the ropes.

A low growl startled her, making her jump and pull her arms away from his scrutiny. He glanced up at her face, pausing for a moment before gesturing for her to hold out her arms again.

“stupid thing… can’t hardly see the knot, don’t think i can untie it. are you gonna freak out if i try something else?”

Well that wasn’t ominous at all.

“Depends on what it is.” She replied, trying to read his expression and failing.

“m’gonna break the rope, okay? don’ worry, i’ll try not ta catch you in with it, but no promises.”

Reluctantly she agreed, watching as he held out one bony finger and carefully slid it between her arms. It felt like she was hugging a tree, her cheek pressed against the cool surface as she waited anxiously.

With a little snick, she felt the rope fall slack as he pulled his finger away from her, slicing clean through the rough knot. It fell away from her arms when she withdrew, rubbing the raw spots on her wrists and wincing.

“alright, tiny. lunchtime.”

Frisk blanched, staring at him with wide eyes at his words. He stared right back, unable to hold back a snicker.

“no, not you. yer hungry, right? s’been a long day, an’ tori’s an amazing cook.” Sans elaborated, looking at her in a silent query.

“O-oh… yeah, I- I am.” She stammered, ducking away from his stare.

“alright then, hold on.”

Maybe she could get used to this, she thought. A faint smile crossed her face when she smelled what the goat - Tori, apparently - had made.

Maybe she could.

#titantale #post

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hotaroll · 7 years

Note

All the ice cream flavors plz >83

chocolate: when was your first kiss?

with my parents when I was a young sapling :0

french vanilla: how old are you?

20 (I need my canes)

cotton candy: three places you want to travel to? (Already Answered)

strawberry: a language you wish you could speak?

speaking with marine animals would be cool

coffee: favorite cosmetic brands?

none? xD

mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors?

indoors definitely, outdoors if it’s cold enough to wear winter clothes though

cookie dough: do you play any instruments?

I used to be able to play the piano, xylophone and the flute. (and I suppose any other percussive instrument). Until I graduated high school...

rocky road: favorite songs at the moment?

Best of Persona Series Soundtrack

Undertale PS4 Menu Theme

healing (ALBUM) by in love with a ghost

Shawn Wasabi - Otter Pop (ft. Hollis)

Everybody Wants to Love You by Japanese Breakfast

No. 1 by Noriyuki Makihara (槇原敬之)

butter pecan: favorite songs for life?

Viva la Vida by Coldplay

Any Cover by Sapphire (aka StrawberryCreme)

Persona 4 Secret Base (Naoto’s Dungeon Theme)

A couple of endings from one piece ;;u;; 1 2

cheesecake: what's your zodiac sign?

Aries!

toasted coconut: the beach or the pool?

I enjoy the deep end of the pool and the shallow end of the ocean :)

chocolate chip: what's your most popular post?

Hmm just checked and of course it would be the Yuri on Gay Ice fanart xD

bubblegum: books or movies?

Animated Movies! Otherwise books, but I’m down to watch anytihng if I’m not alone xP

pistachio: manga or anime?

If I haven’t read the manga yet, then anime!

salted caramel: favorite movies?

Ghibli : Castle in the Sky (pre-Disney English dub), Princess Mononoke, , The Cat Returns, Spirited Away, The Wind Rises (the japanese dub wasn’t what I was used to, but it felt authentic!)

Sci-Fi : Gravity, Interstellar, Looper

Anime : CCS: Sakura Goes to Hong Kong, CCS: The Sealed Card, Wolf Children, Summer Wars, The Garden of Words, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Your Name

birthday cake: favorite books?

I’ve answered this one before in a different ask game/challenge so I’ll write ones I haven’t shared before:

Alif the Unseen by G. Willow Willson

The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

moose tracks: favorites for manga?

Magi by Oshtaka Shinobu

Food Wars (Shokugeki no Soma) by Saeki Shun, Tsukuda Yuuto and Morisaki Yuki

Kekkaishi by Yellow Tanabe (aka Ierou Tanabe)

Baby Steps by Hikaru Katsuki

The Breaker + The Breaker: New Waves by Jin-Hwan Park and Geuk-Jin Jeon

Double Arts by Naoshi Komi (got cancelled early ;;w;;)

orange sherbet: favorites for anime? (Already Answered)

peanut butter: favorite academic subject?

Arts xD

black raspberry: do you have any pets?

I have some pet goldfish and tetra fish, I don’t usually name them though

mango: when and why did you start your blog?

I don’t remember the exact date since I’ve deleted posts from my main blog since then, but I believe it was before September of 2016. Only used it to reblog animal selfies and art references lol

mocha: ideal weather conditions?

Not too windy and not too sunny, so Spring/Fall weather but without the rain and humidity :3

black cherry: four words that describe you?

smol

chunky

dittoairheaded

tired

neapolitan: things that stress you out?

(first of all what kind of flavor is this xD)

People

academics

job searching

..but I try not to let those get to me >

raspberry truffle: favorite kind of music?

I don’t have a specific genre or artist that I automatically gravitate to (except Sapphires covers oh boi her voice is great owo;;;)

chocolate marshmallow: favorite brands of candy?

I thought it said “favourite brandy candy” damnit

I LOVE KITKAT

and anything that’s similar in texture xD

.... wait you’re saying chocolate isn’t candy...? oAo;; !

toffee: a card game that you're good at?

... does Goldfish count?

lemon custard: do you eat breakfast?

Sometimes...

dark chocolate: turn ons?

dark chocolate

fudge: turn offs?

fudge

wishy-washiness (is that a word? well it is now xD)

^yo that means I turn myself off, which isn’t that far from the truth

peach: how do you relax?

How do >0>?

praline: a popular book you haven't read yet?

Hairy Pots >w>;;;

Faults in Our Stars

I really want to finish Ready Player One by Ernest Cline though, It’s been collecting dust lately

superman: do you like sweaters?

hell yea boi that’s my aesthetic

cherry: do you drink tea or coffee?

tea!

dulce de leche: an instrument you wish you could play?

the oboe or the cello

blackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

with my sister sometimes (when we make fun of watch anime together)

ginger: a new feature you wish tumblr could have?

idk I don’t use tumblr that much

blueberry lemon: favorite blogs?

they already know who they are (I’m not lazy or anything, no sir not me)

almond: favorite mean girls quote?

what’s a mean girl? like a female version of this guy?

butterscotch: what color are your nails right now?

nail colour

cinnamon: have you ever been confessed to?

(*lies on the ground contemplating*)

blue moon: have you ever had a crush on someone?

cappuccino crunch: do you take naps?

whenever I can

mint: the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?

Barf in front of my kindergarden class

brownie batter: do you like sushi?

HELL YEAH THAT’S THE SHIT BOI

key lime: where do you want to be right now?

If you know me then you already know owo

red velvet: do you wear prescription glasses?

HAH that’s also my aesthetic

green tea: favorite flavors of ice cream?

chocolate

vanilla

Black Sesame

#you took away all the fun for other people man #jkjk xD #pdubbery #man that took eonss #asktheditto

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eternaltchotchke · 7 years

Photo

Aight and here's all the shit I got plus all the badges I could find for the years I've been to Sabo.

I'll put a read more about like. Everything because I admittedly wanna talk about it, like Sabo as a whole because like I said in my last post, I think that's gonna be the last Saboten I'm going to...at least unless I do a booth. But that's besides the point. So yeah read more if you wanna read all my nostalgia shit. Stop here if you're good, lol. I’m warning you, it’s fucking long AF.

2009: My second ever convention. I actually got to go because a friend of mine got tickets for her birthday and she invited me to go with her. I was, like, the kind of person I think her parents wanted her to be like? ‘Cause at the time I was a nerd, but I was introverted and I think they were under the impression that I was a good christian straight girl(™) and well. Lol, neither of us were. This was way before I ever tried doing cosplay, and well, technically I did a really shitty Misty at PCC that same year, but like. OMG. It was terrible. I think this was the year I did a ‘lolita?’ outfit? But really it was just me trying to be edgy. It was kind of cute, but man, I would never wear it today.

2010: So this was senior year of high school and the con was actually at the Hilton just down the street from my school. It was my third convention and I got tickets for my friend and I invited my cousin, but he got food poisoning on one of the days he was going to go, so I ended up soloing it for the rest of the weekend. I went as Miki from Shugo Chara and...it was...bad, lol. I tried making the hat, and well, it was a craftfoam hat and everything else I just kind of found around the house. I don’t remember much else from this con to be honest, just that...I went as Miki for at least one day.

2011: This was the year that I got a lot more into Hetalia. I had just graduated from high school and was still kind of...figuring myself out. I dragged an, at the time, friend there with me to a Hetalia cafe and that was fun. I think that was the first time I’d had a con squish? Crush??? The America was mega cool and ooh, I know that was also the year I went to the Eyeshine concert! I was really into Johnny Yong Bosch’s voice ‘cause I was watching Code Geass and Bleach at the time, and well. I like voice actors a whole bunch? And the concert was really cool and I still have the video I saved from it...and yeah. Good times. Actually, p great times, heh.

2012: This was the year I finally went with con friends! God, it was such a good time because for once I had people to hang out with the whole weekend. I’d met a good majority of them at the last PCC and one of the main people I remember is Maddi who’s still one of my best of best friends. There’s also Sabby and again, one of the best friends a person can ever have. We weren’t close at the time, but I do have a pic with her in it? So. She was there. And I think one of the people in it is Hanna who is an awesome person and I love her so much. She’s great like, the coolest person and dang it all, I love my friends?

And then there are a lot of people that I hung out with at the time that...admittedly, I want to forget. One of them, I hate so very very much. Because they were a toxic person and terrible to my best friends and fuck, I wish I had actually stood up for my friends when I was younger and called out some of the shit they pulled because I should have. But. Well. Hindsight...and then the other? Well, I don’t hate but...I guess thinking back on things? It’s awkward and I was awkward and man, that was a...time. I see ‘em sometimes and it’s like, sweet bajeebus you haven’t changed at all.

There was a lot of shit that happened on the last day and like, one of it was there was a panel that didn’t go well and then the other was someone was kinda mega rude to a friend? And while yeah I understand their stance on things, they said things in a rude way that just...could’ve been said a lot better or at least in a kinder way.

But as a sidenote, that was the year I got Laboon! And I still have him, and I still love him. He’s a good whale.

2013: ...this was...the year of kind of an end to some things. But, the beginning of some really REALLY great things. This was the year I became really good friends with Jed, who is like, one of the best of best friends a person could have. He’s such a cool dude, and nerd, but also cool and I might not say it often enough but I’m really lucky to have become his friend. I gotta say that for all my friends, especially Sabby, Maddi, and Jed. I love y’all so much and really, I can’t imagine what my life would be like without y’all?

Anyway, this was the most stressful con I had ever been to. Admittedly? The first day was p good, I went as Cecil (here we go, Cecil version 1 lol) and Jed was Carlos and we had a good time all around. Theeeen Twitter ‘cause at the time, there was a lot of like...sonas for the websites and I was like, I have all that, I’ll be twitter! ...but I ended up having to wait a….long time for my friends to arrive and god, there was just...nothing but drama that day. It was not good.

Day 3 was 1000% better because me and Jed went back to Cecil and Carlos and all around that was just a dang good time. I think someone had actually told me that I was their headcanon Cecil? Which like. Literally made everything that weekend so much better because I was using my real hair (which at the time was sort of long) and I played up my brown skin. There were quite a few other Cecils, but from what I could remember, most of them were the blond white ones and that kind of helped me stand out.

Oh, and that was the first year we attempted flower crowns! Well, I tried, I literally got two garlands of roses and wrapped them around each other. We lost them on the first day, but another Carlos and Cecil found them, which was hilarious to me and I was really glad that happened actually, hah.

2014: HELL.

2015: --god no do you really wanna know about 2014? Okay one sec.

2014: So. I didn’t wanna pay for a ticket. I REALLY didn’t wanna pay for a ticket because also I was flat broke and honestly cons were so far out my price range at the time I shouldn’t have done it.

I did it anyway.

So 2014 was the year of volunteering and doing panels. It was also the first year we did a photo shoot, which was really fun and Maddi’s and Sabby’s were great. I still do love the ones we did for me and Jed, but there was something really nice and bright about the X-Ray and Vav stuff. To be completely honest? I don’t remember much like, for specifics of the con, just that we did panels and that I met a p cool Garrus cosplayer (who still cosplayed the same Garrus at PCC this year, and from the looks of it, it didn’t seem he made it at all more comfortable and I was like, DUDE. MAKE IT SO YOU CAN FREAKING SIT HOLY FUCK).

I’ve admittedly been going back through all my social media accounts to see if anything could jog my memory, and the only thing I remember clearly was that someone thought I was master chef in my Geoff cosplay and that was funny to me.

...I was also apparently America for a day. Which was p alright because I was admittedly a dang great America. Funny story, the only reason I know I was America was because someone from my past recognized us and snapped a pic. I’m like, looking at it and it’s just so funny to me that it turned out as good as it was for like, a really quick throw together thing.

2015: SHIT I HAD TO GO BACK TO MY OLD SHIT TO SEE WHAT THE HELL I WAS AND I FORGOT I THREW TOGETHER A CASUAL!DORIAN FOR THAT. Good fucking god, that’s hilarious, I was always somehow left tiddy commitee...even though it was a v casual Dorian, I guess I just had the right amount of hair for it, lol.

Also, it was the year that we did a panel for the Ladies of Hetalia and then we also did a Youtuber Let’s Players panel with prizes and I only remember spending the night before making those prizes, but the one that everyone really loved was the Geoff picture, which also was a fucking pain in the ass to make because would you be surprised that that picture was really hard to find a good enough quality one to print out? The best thing was though, that I kept running into the people who won the picture and I think some sort of cult formed around it. I’m not sure. I worry for that picture frame sometimes…

I think that was also the last time I cosplayed Cecil. Sabby was my Dana, which I mega appreciate her for, and I took a lot of liberties on my outfit...and based it much more heavily on the weirdness of Cec rather than the button up and tie version that was really popular. It was more fun just to do a Cecil cosplay TBH, and I actually can’t tell if Jed was there or not? I’m also not sure if Maddi was either...uhhh, most of the stuff I can find are selfies of me and Sabby which...I’m not sure of a lot of details actually.

2016: Man, that was the year of Undertale, Dragon Age, and Hamsteak. Er. Homestook. HOMESTUCK. Also the year I got a really nice camera to take pictures with. It was really fun because I got some great pics of our God Tier outfits and I’m still p happy with my Dave cape. Special thanks to Jed for making 99% of that hood. I still owe him a fuck ton.

This was also the year that me and Sabby went to a really fun quiz panel with an awesome Mettaton who is still p dang cool. I wasn’t sure if there was another this year? I don’t think I was able to make it to it, and I know that there was just so much work put into it, I was super blown away.

I also brought back Fen one last time, and that was fun. I dabbed for a dude and that made him super happy, then I just fucked around for the rest of the con. Ooh, also there was Naruto running. Late at night because also, sometimes you just gotta be a fucking loser with your friends. We...kind of started a whole thing? And I feel a little bad looking back on it? But it was at least, at first, just me and Hanna that Naruto ran down the empty hallway to Haruka Kanata and that was just. Such a fun time.

We did another photoshoot that year too, got some legit pics for hamsteak cosplays which was awesome. Then I had a lot of fun editing them. I’d say there’s more to say for this con, but...not really. Oh, but we did spend a lot of time in the activity lounge? Which I love the activity lounge ‘cause they have crayons and hang up your drawings on the walls and I did a ‘great’ drawing of Dave and Karkat that someone took home.

2017: So here we are, eight years later. To be honest? I was actually sort of dreading this con. There was so much just...not happening and I was feeling kind of eh...and I should’ve definitely gotten more done on Gabe but I didn’t. So instead I did Boxerwatch which was still fun, and my armor actually held up really fucking well. Which I was mega happy abound.

Saturday was kind of...a time. Like, I wanted to have fun, and I know I looked cool AF? But it was so hot and humid and I was in like, three layers of clothes and craftfoam and I didn’t bring a change of clothes. Which was stupid on my part. But! Jenny lent me her hot dog costume? Which literally made my day and it turned the whole thing from an /eh day to a THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER sort of time. I’m not gonna lie, I love wearing those mascot sort of costumes because the shenanigans you can have while wearing them. It’s just so good.

Sunday was awesome because I got to hang out with Clyde, Sam, Ray, and I met Keyboard who is p dang cool. Also, I met my hello new person quota of one, so, double accomplishment. On top of that? My armor held up ridiculously well that day and so did my shitty painted on beard and I was literally. So fucking comfortable. I know I was missing a fuck ton of things for Gabe but it worked out alright since I went with a mega casual version. I’m definitely gonna make sure I can wear that jacket anywhere I go though because I love it a bunch? And it was mega comfy. Plus I’m thinking of making the shoulder pads something permanent to the jacket so I could have my own Gabriel Reyes jacket to just. Wear and feel cool in. Well, not cool. More like fucking sweltering because also I live in AZ.

Monday was just a casual day. I think I’m coming down with something and I wasn’t gonna kill myself by wearing Hanzo so, I edged it up. I was kind of really bummed because the Eyeshine concert was cancelled and it was sort of the main thing I was looking forward to all weekend? But I think Sabo might have messed it up p badly because on the website they set it for Sunday at night, which would’ve been perfect ‘cause then all three of us could’ve gone. But the schedule moved it to Monday and I was sad ‘cause it was their farewell tour...and I kind of felt like it’d be just...one of the perfect ways to end my time going to Sabo.

And so yeah, that’s kind of it? Like, I definitely did have fun over the years, there was stress AF during some parts, but then there were some really really great times. I’ve sort of...lost a lot of interest in anime since I started going, and while I will admit, I do still enjoy watching it, I’m so choosy about what I like and what I’ll watch that a lot of the main things available at Sabo don’t interest me nearly as much. There’s one more anime cosplay I wanna do, and admittedly it’d be really freaking easy to pull off...just gotta get the stuff. But other than that single cosplay, I just...I would like to focus on different things. Plus, it’s just so hard to get stuff together because of the timing of it all. Working as a teaching assistant means that I have very little time during those weeks leading up to the con to do anything. The week before was kind of hell, as I had to stay on campus until at least 5:30 most days and god, I couldn’t work on really anything. That and I didn’t have the mental capacity to work on Gabe over the summer, plus I’d planned to have Cyberninja!Hanzo at least started but that just couldn’t happen.

But anyway, that’s it really! This turned out a lot longer than I meant for it to be and I’m probably going to cross post this onto my DeviantArt. So thank you Saboten-Con, it’s been one helluva ride. There were some ups, downs, turns, and spins and while some of those times really really sucked...there were many others that were just so great and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

#long post technically #sabo2017 #thx for the memories sabo i had a great time #also i apologize to any of the tags this pops up in #i talked a lot about stuff and cosplays and it's probably gonna show up in too many tags im so sorry

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