#i live alone rn i cant have a big PEM im not doing another survival week unable to feed or clean myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

natandacat · 1 year

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btw im feeling a lot today bc my neighbor is having a bbq and i really wanna go but i had to lie and say i was working bc everyone there is a hardcore party goer and theres too many covid cases rn so even in an outdoor setting i would need to mask and that crowd would be super weirded out by my n95 and also it would suck bc i wouldnt even be able to eat. anyway. being at risk is like living in purgatory while 99% of the population literally doesnt care.

#I WANNA DO DRUG WITH MY NEIGHBOR AND INSTEAD I HAVE LONG COVID #i think the universe is spitting on me #the levels of restraint i need to have to remind myself that its not worth it #i kinda have to keep thinking about the infection and the bad relapses #even though its super traumatizing lol #bc if i dont force myself to remember i would just go bar crawling like tonight ngl #but then i remember being too weak to moan #and how terrifying those hours were #i remember the days where ive been too weak to move in my bed too weak to breathe without effort #and it kinda kills the urge lol #but it sucks!!! that i have to think about this all the time!!#i wanna forget those horrible times fr but the pandemic is ongoing #the mental fortitude i need to survive this fr.#just bitching #medical cw #i live alone rn i cant have a big PEM im not doing another survival week unable to feed or clean myself #im NOT lol #last year was harrowing and this time around i am more prepared and i WILL not end up at the bottom of the hole again #sorry i need to give myself this pep talk bc i hear the music outside and fuck i wanna drink and smoke weed 😔😔😔😔😔😔

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