#i lost most of my photoshop skills over the years.

[kas-e]

Futility

Resistance isn't futile.

What started with printed propaganda a hundred years ago eventually morphed into programming through tube televisions, then to computers, and now to phones.  The change we've witnessed since the turn of the century is unprecedented, yet ironically hardly noticed.  The globalization of social connectivity has cast a strange cloud over our collective spirit as human beings.  At our core we are the same people born into the world as our great grandparents, but our attention spans are far shorter and are being held hostage by the same corporations that built the modern world.  Our minds are weak in the face of advertising, and the spirits of those who succumb to the new normal are numb - which accounts for a staggering percentage of earth's population.  This is no big conspiracy, this is no new world order plot.  It is simply what happens when people are presented with the shiniest of toys, exhausted from being overworked and underpaid, and brainwashed to the point of complacency.  

I used to smoke a lot of weed.  I remember knowing wake and bakers who used to pull a chalky bong hit the moment they woke up.  Everytime I did it myself, my day was shot.  My mind was fogged, and well, just off.  But the impulse, the idea, and even the need, I deeply understood.  Many humans, myself included, every single day before even getting out of bed reach for the phone and scroll a bit.  Before coffee, before breakfast, we get that hit... and it taints our day, and puts the mind in a place that is sometimes, well, just off.  Everyday when we wake up we have a choice, but it's so easy to reach for the phone.  It's so easy to surrender to the impulse of our new commonly shared addiction.  Nobody would dare relate their phone use to the fentanyl addict bent over on the corner, or the alcoholic at your job, but it's not so different. They both steal your time, mess with your mind, and have negative consequences when abused and misused.  How do you act when you've lost your phone?  That sinking frustration, that paranoid panic, that's a feeling that addicts are all too used to, and now you've had a lick of that lollipop too.  But it's ok, it's normal, no big deal.  We're cyborgs, not junkies...

Our youth is pacified into adulthood now because of these devices.  Social skills are lacking in the face of the past, and are steadily on the decline.  Humanity has been shaken up by this new tool, and the shakedown still has a while to unravel.  

It's certainly not all bad because despite the weirdness and negativity, the silver lining does shine bright.  There is no excuse for an artist not to do their thing because we've been presented with the most powerful creative tool fathomable.  Imagine Mozart with Ableton, Salvador Dali with Photoshop, or Ansel Adams with a Nikon and a laptop.  

When I started shooting photographs, digital photography was just starting to make waves, so I shot film for a year or so.  I paid for every shot and every step in the process - which was slow, tedious, and time consuming. The gear was clunky and heavy and breaking all the time.  Now I can blast off thousands of shots in a day with a reliable camera and glass engineered so well that it's almost incomprehensible.  I can shoot at night without a tripod.  Some photographers hike with their entire kit on their back, throw a card the size of my thumbnail into their laptop, and process as many shots as they want in the matter of minutes in a tent on the summit of a mountain.  Not to mention, now cameras are essentially free since the tech on phones is approaching a quality that will soon rival that of a camera.  I'm already starting to feel like a relic, but I, like many others, live for the process and will continue to do so.  

Now, to resist is to live.  When I'm dealing with my camera I haven't a single thought about my phone.  It pulls me into the moment and makes me present.  When I'm on the road, I use the maps, but that's about it.  In today's world, the only thing that is futile is you, if you can't find the wisdom and value in what it means to resist.  

[vaelzz]

It's a bit ironic finding this in an old folder of crude idea sketches. I remember having so many different ideas for things I wanted to do but I didn't have the skill to actually do any of it. So I decided to learn art and painting digitally but I couldn't focus for the life of me which is funny because that whole ordeal is how I discovered I had ADHD. I could barely force myself to do it even if I shut off all distractions and isolated myself. The part that's ironic is that I became adequately medicated with Vyvanse since December and now I can actually focus. That means I could finally learn art like I wanted after all those years after beating myself up over it. I improved drastically in a short period after starting medication. Except I felt sort of demotivated due to AI art now becoming quite prominent so spending 10-20 hours in my bedroom on a computer screen in Photoshop felt even less rewarding and there are all these different things I want to learn but need to choose between. So wasting that amount of time to make something that barely anyone cares about isn't worth my time in the slightest. In a way I do feel sort of sad that I just didn't stick to photography and what I was doing. The issue I had was this sense of an imposter syndrome because I'd take my own photographs and then paint over them digitally in Photoshop with my Wacom. It felt too easy after awhile and I started to beat myself up for it and I felt quite talentless. It was this odd halfway between photography and painting and later on with advancing filters some people would assume it was done via an app so it felt like it discredited any actual work or effort I had put in. Now it's the exact same with any digitally made art form with how far AI and diffusion based models have grown so that alone has completely destroyed any motivation I have for manually making digital art in a painstaking manner so all I've really done is complain about it and gatekeep myself from making art with diffusion based models because "it's too easy". I realise I did the same thing with photography so I've finally decided I'm going to try and get over myself and make the switch to making art with diffusion based models. I've been learning it for the past week and it's not actually a magical masterpiece generator. (most of the time) So it does still require a bit of work put into it but given how my brain is wired it fits me perfectly really and in a way it's exactly what I wanted when I first started art because meaning and expression is more important than the actual tools used to create it. In a way I do partially feel ripped off for wasting all those years but honestly that isn't exclusive to art but rather my overall mental health but the knowledge and skills I gained are still quite helpful and beneficial for using these models so all is not lost. TL;DR i try make stupid brain think less n just make art ig

[if-confessions]

I feel down about lack of artistic skill. So many IF authors are knocking it out of the park with their UI designs and promo images, and I'm here getting stressed out on canva struggling to even make a nice looking simple "game updated" banner with text on a background. are there guides anywhere on how to make these banners? are they really needed to get people's attention? (they feel like they are... the most popular blogs seem to have loads of shiny visuals that are really pretty but I just don't have the skills right now...)

Hey Anon!

Don't feel down...

This is really not something that happens overnight. Sure, some artistic talent will help start you off, but it is still a skill. One you can learn. But like all skills, it takes time to nourish and make it flourish. (and that amount of time needed will depend on the person.)

Also, Graphic Design is a very broad field. In the IF community, it will often embrace two different things: the UI, which requires learning a programming language (CSS) and the assets (including promo images), which requires learning about aesthetics, a graphic program, etc... These are very different skills to learn.

So you will make mistakes along the way, everyone does. It takes quite a lot of trial and error (with a lot of error) to get it right, then to get it right and quick. That's part of the learning process.

And, I can't lie and pretend innate artistic talent won't take a big part of making this process easier. Knowing how things should look, nicely or easy on the eye, is very helpful to make the whole process faster. As well as having studied those skills before starting making IF content (like in school/uni, or having learned by spending decades in a fandom making those weird little edits and banners for your forum signature that you spent hours making sparkle....). Or, in some cases, the author was able to get assets directly from someone with those skills (as paid content).

I don't know where you are on your IF journey, but don't despair. I know it's hard not to compare yourself to other authors and their skills (I know I do that, and have to remind myself not to do it), but you don't know how far they are on their graphic design journey. Maybe they struggled like you, once.

I know I did...

... and I still do!

This post is getting quite long, so I'll share my lil bit of experience below.

I've been on the internet for a while (when Forums were the thing), and learned a lot of those graphic stuff through graphic design-help forums (some where full on forums, others were just sub-channels, but you got to learn from someone with knowledge, that was cool). Also didn't realise then the use of images. I def used copyrighted images when I shouldn't have... the early naughties were a different times (and so was I, being 12 and all...)

But, before starting IF, I hadn't touched Photoshop or other Graphic Design program for about... 15 years? I had lost a lot of skills in that time. I had to relearn a lot of things (as well as learn some new ones, CSS had never been in my wheelhouse).

It used to take me hours to make banners and the such. I fawned over other creators' ability to make gif (which is doable on Canva), or have the perfect aesthetics to match their project (and their drawing skills...). For CRWL, I spent days on Canvas editing the main banner, because it didn't look right enough. I've re-done that one a couple of times, and I am still not happy with it.

Even after almost two years of doing this regularly, I still struggle. I can spend days/weeks on a UI to make it look nice and have the right palette, only to realise when it's published that the sizing messes up for some people. And I still spend hours on those Coming Soon posters (and then forget I have night light on my devices, so it messes with the colours). And have we talked about the time spent trying to find the perfect picture to use (on copyright free websites)? Though for smaller projects, I might slap two things together and call it a day. You can't go wrong with a simple colour background and a special font.

[sjakscha-art]

This blog serves as a storage basin for all of my art and art related projects, dating back to June 2017.

I reblogged the work I have done over the years to this blog, accessing my main blog @marmalademouse and several of my side blogs @darker-truths @ghoulboysoath @and-then-she-was-the-darkness

Almost all of my here collected works are related to media fandoms (e.g. Game of Thrones, NBC’s Hannibal, Watcher Entertainment etc.).

Most of the here presented artworks are photo edits, vector graphics, a hybrid of these two and some traditional work (pencil drawings). Recently I tried my hand at video editing and making GIFs as well. In the end I’m not limiting myself to a certain art form. I use whatever inspires me and overall I’m always curious and happy to learn new skills or even reactivate long-lost abilities (e.g. building miniature models).

Although many posts on this blog are tagged with “photoshop edit” I usually use free graphic software, like Gimp or Inkscape.

Concerning future posts: There will be works I only post here (things, which don’t relate to a certain fandom), but other than that I will continue to reblog my work from the above mentioned blogs.

Some of the posts on this blog were made upon request and are tagged accordingly (#request).

[emrobinson03]

My Book - CANT Ban US!

CANT Ban US! Is the idea I came up with because I did a drag story time at 3 Auckland libraries for children. I got lots of backlash emails spammed from haters both uni and personal emails, Messenger, Facebook, Instagram etc and now they are investigating into all the hate and backlash n might cancel all the events in future years. I also got the idea because drag in many states in the US are passing bills to ban all drag queen performers. They also are passing bills to ban transgender people.

(Finn Gerring, Miss Carprise)

this image was taken as a joke before I performed. My friends were being annoying so I took a photo oh my make up. This make up was done in 30 minutes when my make up takes a long time to do originally. I didnt think I would use this image but Emil liked it and I had a look at it and I started to like it a lot.

I talked about this image in my last post but I just wanted to say That I also think the colours and the background comes together in the photo. I really like my make up.

(fields, cody coochie)

the image of fields after their shower with their hair up in a shirt dancing the first photo to start off all the other drag performers. I took the photo in the moment and it was a slay photo.

I took a photo of fields in the shower in their drag. The image was over exposed but I edited it on photoshop. Its not my favourite photo of them but it was the best one out of all that I got on my camera. If I had time i would have shot it again and done better lighting and thought of positions and areas for photos

Reign Bowman

Reign Bowman is on of my favourites I love their shirt in this photo its really good going with the title of the book. I also would reshoot this photo as its not in a good place as where I would want it. The black background. I also would change the lighting and position of them in my second photo

AURA ENVY

Aura envy is a drag super star used to be known as Feta their drag has changed a lot over the years with make up skills dancing creative ideas etc I wanted to capture them in thwir performance because they are a non binary drag performer which I am too. They are really photogenic normally on stage but I don't think I got the right angles for them on stage because I dont like the photos as much as I do of others I did a big shoot with them on the 3 sd cards I lost but thats okay I still got to put them in my book which I wanted. I would definitely reshoot these photos if I could. I love the reaction and pure happiness on kitas face.

Lady Armilade

Lady Armilade is a really cool person and performer and I got to capture there ultimate crazy energy they bring to the stage at first I didnt think I would be able to get any good photos because they had too much energy on stage and was running arounf basically but I got a few really goood ones. I like how bright their wig is in the photos and the colour pop from the outfits just fit together so well.

Twinkubus

Twinkubus is an amazing performer I met them twice recently and got to photograph them at our most recent show we were apart of at ding dong. Their make up was soo cool and so was their costume I just couldnt not photograph it I saw them on the pole dancing and I just asked them for photos I was going to use the photos of thsm on the pole but It just didnt look right in the book so I decided to do the one where hes posing on the ground and the close up of thwir face and hands holding the pole. I really like the way the background is really dark compared to their make up and clothes

Kita Mean/Anita Wiglit

I photographed Kita mean and Anita wiglit talking to eachother and looking at one another its a really cute photo of how strong their bond really is. Both kita and anita were on Rupauls Drag Race Down under Kita Mean is the true winner of season 1 they both hosted a tv show 2 seasons of house of drag basically Auckland vs Wellington queens and kings it was great. I really like the single photo of kita mean they like it too. They ended up posting it to all social media accounts they have and tagged me in all it was just fabulous I gained so many followers and supporters of my photography n art. I wanted to choose a single of Anita too but there wasnt one in focus which really sucked. This would have to be the best people I shot in this whole photoshoot. They appreciated all the photos and helped me grow as an artist

Flor

Florr is a amazing Latina Drag Queen that I love so much Ive seen her grow her drag over the years and she gives me so much love and confidence. I liked photographing them but the lighting wasnt what I hoped it was too bright and their wasnt much led lights where I photographed at Vesbar. I would like to definitely shoot them again in better lighting. I really like their concept of make up wig costume etc in these series of images but in front of Leds it would have looked so much cooler because the wig was glow in the dark and her green eyelinger was UV reacting.

Kourtney

Kourtney is amazing their drag has improved so much because they are so confident in drag its crazy. I have known them for a few years now because they are my drag mums sister so my drag aunty and they've seen me go through the worst and the best make up of my drag journey. I loved capturing kourtney in the middle of talking to harry it was just so real becausr they werent posing and they didnt notice me taking rhe photos and they ended up loving them. I liked how I took the image of thwir wig and not their face its just something different which I loved. I also didnt have the best lighting there not much leds but it worked and i got some images. I also really liked how their dress sparkled in the image.

Trinity

Trinity is a transwoman and a drag queen. Trinity has been arounf the auckland scene for so many years and has been an inspiration to many other transwomen and drag performers. I dont know trinity that well but she is really kind but she can be very sassy. I wish I could have gotten some more photos of them in much better lighting but it just didnt happen. Trinitys outfit also glowed in the dark same as her wig so it would have been cool to get some photos outside when it was dark but I didnt think of that or had the idea at the time which I wish I did because they could have been really cool ideas.

[dissociiated]

who can i pay to make me a promo. seriously.

[melodyalanaroster]

Dear @chinomiko,

When I first started playing My Candy Love on New Year’s Day in 2013, I was simply a 17 year old girl who was starting the second half of my Senior Year in High School. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I certainly had no idea where I’d end up. At the time, I was just looking for a new anime style site to call my internet home after the destruction of TinierMe. In my search, I stumbled upon your site. I had never played a dating simulator before, and I fell for your art style, so I decided to give the site a shot. It didn’t take me long to bond with Nathaniel... He was a kind young man, who loved to read, and had a tortured home life... Even though the torture at home was different between him and me, I still felt like I had found a character I could recognize... Hell, I did the same thing with Ken... My bond with Nathaniel was just so much deeper... 

Then I graduated High School... I had no college prospects, and no idea what I even wanted to go to college for (still entirely don’t know).... My issues at home were getting worse, my love life was far from perfect, and living in Texas can be kind of ruthless on those who aren’t following the status quo... Even with going to the United Kingdom for 5 weeks, things still didn’t get better... And of course, the death of my childhood cat, Luna, in 2014 made things worse... So, I started focusing my free time on the game.... Working like crazy to get up to date with the episodes and bonus episodes, editing pics, and even writing fanfics... It became my escape from real life.

That did not change when I met the love of my real life in 2015. Despite entering into a relationship that is still going strong, I needed an escape from the hell my abuser was putting my family and me through, from the shitty job that I had gotten (and still have as of this letter), and from the hell that a really rare disease that had kicked on in my mother’s immune system had begun to put her and my family through. No amount of talking to people in my inner circle in real life helped... And there were times where it felt like the only emotions I knew were anger, sadness, and fear... It was during this time that my main MCL OC, Melody Alana Roster, came to life as what she is today... A strong, smart, beautiful, powerful, woman who goes through some of the worst hell imaginable and ends up living a life of peace with the man she loves (Nathaniel).... When my abuser’s time in my family’s and my life was ending and she was going “all out” on me? I thought of what Alana and Nathaniel would be doing during the newest episode of the game. My job putting me through mental and physical hell (it’s a very demanding job)? I daydreamed about Nathaniel and Alana. My mother’s disease progressing and making my mother put my grandmother and me through hell? I would go in my room and write a section of my story or edit a pic when I could. Hell, My Candy Love became so prominent in my life as an escape that when my abuser’s daughter came back at me (this time with my boyfriend’s ex friend), one of the things she’d say to me was “All you do is sit in your room and write fanfiction.”... I needed something and My Candy Love and it’s fandom was something I enjoyed that kept me in my room (where I felt safe)... To this day, my boyfriend understands why I’ve put so much time and effort into it... Why I’ve spent so much money on it (AP, Gold, commissioned pics, and items)... It was a light in what felt like a sea of darkness in my life...

Now, I’m going to clarify something here... What is written in the last paragraph took place over the course of 5 years... Of course, when I get to the point of 2020, its easy to guess some of the reasons why I continued to focus on My Candy Love... However, I have an added reason.... Not only did the pandemic bitch slap Texas mid March, but about a week before that happened, on March 10th, my mother succumbed to the secondary infection brought on by her disease... And I had to grieve... Of course, when the pandemic hit about week later, I was told by society that I didn’t have time to grieve... As I am a grocery store worker... Which, I still tried to use My Candy Love as a means of escape... It felt like life was going “Yeah, you’re free from your mom’s disease, now here’s one that YOU could bring home to your grandparents and kill them with simply by going to work!”... Because, I’m sure even you know how poorly America has handled the pandemic... And Texas is one of the worst states when it comes to that...

I’m not saying this to make you feel sorry for me... Not in the slightest... I’ve leaned on my family, friends, and boyfriend for everything, so it’s not JUST My Candy Love that got me through all of this... I’m telling you this because My Candy Love and what I’ve done for it has helped me with it all immensely. I thought I had lost my passion for writing while I was still in school, even though my favorite teacher was encouraging me to continue... And here I am still writing my MCL fanfiction... Not only am I still writing my fanfic, I’m getting it turned into 1 copy of an actual book for my shelf when I’m done... When I took photography in High School and wasn’t good at photoshop, I thought it would never be a skill I’d use... And, yet, over the course of my time with MCL, my photo editing skills have improved DRASTICALLY... Sure, I can’t really edit real life photos... But I can make stuff for MCL avatars and such...

I mean, if someone had told me 8 years ago that I’d be so invested in this game that I’d have a body pillow of my favorite love interest, a folder of commissioned art, a blog with over 1,300 followers, an Instagram with nearly 300 followers, a custom plushie of my favorite love interest, a Discord Server with around 200 people in it... That I’d be the Vice President/Club Photographer of the US version of a fan club... That I’d make friends throughout the world in the fandom... That my editing skills would become as good as they are now... That I’d be working on the biggest writing project I’ve EVER worked on... And that I’d cry at the last episode the same way I cried during the Season 8 finale of Scrubs, the series finale of iCarly, Matt Smith’s regeneration in Doctor Who and the ending of Deathly Hallows Part 2... I would have told them that they’re crazy....

Yet... Here I am... I’m turning 26 years old in July... And all of that has happened... In real life, I’m still dealing with the pandemic, I’ve celebrated my 5 year anniversary with my boyfriend, and I’m even preparing to move in with him... Yet, online, I’m still VERY invested in your game. I’m still a long way from finishing my OC’s story... I still want to edit pics for Nathaniel and Alana... And I’m going to be contemplating playing the new game for a while... I’ll still play events... As long as Nathaniel is around, I’ll be there to greet him with a smile... But I don’t know about your new project...

All that being said.... There’s one MAJOR thing I’d like to say to you, Chino....

THANK YOU!

Thank you for everything! For all your hard work in this story... It’s far from perfect, but I still enjoyed the majority of it... For creating Nathaniel, the holder of my 2D heart.... Seriously, thank you for creating him... I have anime crushes, but I don’t love them as deeply as I love Nath.... Thank you for your art! Its amazing! You’re in my top 3 favorite digital artists... The others being Drachea Rannak and Marco Albiero... Thank you for all the work you continue to put into the game that a lot of us have, kind of, grown up with.... I wasn’t really a kid when I started playing, but I do consider myself to have “grown up” with it... Thank you for all of the other love interests... For Castiel, Kentin, Armin, Lysander, Priya, Rayan and Hyun... They’re not the ones I love most, but they’re all interesting characters... Thank you for Candy... While she and Alana greatly differ from each other, Candy was the heroine in a story that gave birth to Alana... Candy is far from perfect, but I’m glad her story ended well.... Thank you for creating the game that brought this fandom into existence... While the fandom can be VERY toxic at times, there are a lot of amazing people in it... They have become some of my dearest friends...

While the entire My Candy Love team at Beemoov deserves my gratitude... I feel like you are the most deserving of it... Because, without you, My Candy Love would not exist.

I look forward to seeing My Candy Love’s future... Either from the sidelines, or from the middle of it... I will see it’s future...

Thank you ChiNoMiko.

All my love and respect,

Melody Alana Roster

[dustofbrokenheart]

The Covenant: Tech Guy

Reid Garwin x Reader

Word Count: 3,826

Summary: After renting a laptop from your campus library, you run into a download problem. A call to Library Tech Services for help introduces you to Tech Guy. Good at his job, but with questionable people skills, you learn to work with him. It certainly helps that he has an attractive voice.   

This was not good, not good at all. It was less than an hour to midnight, the sun long since having set, and time seemed to pas faster, not slower, the later it got.

Now, you considered yourself to be pretty good with technology, perhaps not a computer genius but good enough to be able to troubleshoot most of your problems. It was pure bad luck that the night your capabilities failed was the night before you had an assignment due in Graphic Design.

Your own laptop had been ruined after an accident in the library had left the screen nothing more than a web of shattered fragments, but thankfully the library also carried laptops for checkout which saved you from having to fork out money that you didn’t have to buy a new one. You thought that checking out a laptop would be a quick fix to your problem, but you underestimated how high their demand was.

The librarian you spoke with at the circulation desk put you on a waiting list much to your disappointment and you left the building empty handed, unsure when one would become available.

The answer was six days later, the night before you had something due.

When they left a voicemail on your cell phone around seven o’clock to tell you that it was ready for pick-up, you immediately hopped on a bus bound for the library. The anxiety should have been somewhat alleviated because you could actually start to work on it now but when you got back to your dorm room and opened it up, another problem presented itself: the program you needed wasn’t installed.

Bad luck 1 – You 0.

Every time you tried to install it a message would pop up prompting you to enter an admin username and password in order to start the process. You had never seen that message before and innocently tried your own username and password. When that didn’t work, you tried three more times just to be sure.

Next stop was the internet, everyone’s favorite place to ask questions. You ran a quick search describing the problem and read through a couple of chat room threads. Disappointingly, nothing really applied to the situation at hand.

In hindsight, you shouldn’t have spent so much time trying to fix it because all that came of it was a lot of wasted time and you still hadn’t installed the program. You really didn’t want to take another trip to the library tonight if you could help it.

Frustrated and stuck you opened up the library’s webpage to see if there were any answers to be found. They didn’t but you did find the phone number for Library Tech Services, which was miraculously open even this late in the night.

Punching in the numbers you dialed and waited for someone to answer and when they did, it was short and to the point. “Library Tech.”

“Umm, hi… my name is y/n and I’m having an issue installing a program on my laptop rental.”

“Hmm. What’s the problem?” Again, not much to go on but the you could admit that tech guy’s voice sounded attractive.  

“Well. I clicked on the install button, but as soon as I did a message telling me that I needed admin permission to continue flashed on my screen.”

“Did you try your university username and password?”

“Yes.”

“Did you double check that you typed everything correctly?”

“Yes.”

“Did you try Google?”

“Of course, I did,” you answered with exasperation. He snickered and you felt your hackles rise. You called the number to get helped, not to get laughed at. Attractive voice be damned.

“I promise I exhausted every trick I know, I’m not stupid. But I do have something to finish tonight so if you can help me out here, that’d be great.”

For a split second you felt bad for being short with him but the aggravation was quick to return. He was the one providing terrible customer service… why should you feel bad calling him out on it?

He must’ve gotten the hint because he cleared his throat and started being serious. “The library puts restrictions on its laptops because they don’t want people downloading stuff willy nilly. What do you need to install?”

“Just Adobe Illustrator.”

You heard him typing on a keyboard in the background. “Sounds okay to me. I’ll just give you the admin credentials so you don’t have to make a trip over here tonight.”

You started to say thanks until you processed the end of that sentence. “Wait, what do you mean by that?”

“Normally we require people to come in person to fill out a form. Once the request is approved, a person is supposed to enter in the admin stuff, but I’m going to give it out over the phone to save you some time.”

His words left you speechless. You had no idea there was a whole process to do something so simple as install a program; you should’ve asked more questions before you walked out with it. It was a good thing to remember for next time. And the earlier guilt returned, too. He was being so nice now, bending the rules so you didn’t have to make another trek on the bus, which was quite frankly a gamble after dark.

You thanked him profusely, the tension draining from your shoulders. Once you told him the laptops id number and he was able to confirm that it was rented out to your account, he shared the username and password with you.  

With baited breath, you typed in exactly what he told you to and couldn’t help the happy noise that escaped you when it worked. It was impossible that tech guy saw your chair dance through the phone but he laughed again, making you question if he somehow knew anyway.

“Thanks, you’re a life saver!”  

He cleared his throat and said “Glad to be of service.” Then he hung up without another word.

You pulled the phone away from your ear and looked at it blankly. What the heck was that about? Thinking back on the conversation left you feeling very confused but you threw yourself into getting your images drawn up on Illustrator and soon lost yourself in the work.

You ended up staying up late well past your normal bedtime but the deadline was enough motivation for you to push through the drowsiness and yawns. Around 3:30 you finally finished and emailed it to the professor so you wouldn’t have to worry about it in the morning.

Sleep came easy that night and you vaguely remembered dreaming about tech guy’s voice which was utterly ridiculous. He hadn’t even mentioned his name, for goodness sakes! Plus, he was so hard to read, bouncing between jerk and nice on a whim. Nope. You were not going to stoop to finding out who he was. Not a chance.

After yesterday’s incident, your first course of the new day was to go grab a cup of coffee. You weren’t an easy riser on a good day, even less so after being up until the wee hours of the morning and caffeine was going to be essential for powering you through your classes.

Your go-to place was a campus coffee shop two blocks down from your dorm. It was still winter but you found that as long as you bundled up, the walk over went quickly and the cold air worked wonders for organizing your thoughts. But the real reason it was your favorite was not its closeness, it wasn’t even for the coffee; it was because of the heavenly pastries they made daily. The croissants, the eclairs, the danishes… they were all excellent. None was above their banana chocolate chip muffins.

A little bell chimed as you opened the door and the blast of heat from inside the shop felt nice against your chilled cheeks. The familiar worker at the register looked up and smiled when they saw you. “Hey, y/n! Should I start working on your cappuccino order?”

“Yes, please!” You approached the counter, removing your gloves to make it easier to take out your card from your wallet. A gleaming dessert case also caught your eye and you tried to glance over discreetly. As subtle as you tried to be, the cashier knew you too well after serving you for the past couple of years.

“Oh, sorry. We’re out those again.”

“Again?” you questioned sorrowfully.

He gave you a sympathetic shrug. “They’re very popular, they always go fast.”

It used to be that you could get your hands on a banana chocolate chip muffin whenever you wanted one but the secret must’ve gotten out to the rest of campus because you’d struck out for the past weeks. With a dramatic sigh, you settled for a chocolate croissant. It was no muffin but it was something to tide over your stomach until lunch.

“You know,” you started conspiratorially, “How can someone be so talented yet stupid simultaneously? If that no-good-baker bothered to make more of them knowing how fast they sell, this wouldn’t happen.”

You had never actually met the baker that was the source of the yummy pastries. In fact, you’d never even seen him and only knew that he was good at what he did and that he never came out to the front of the shop. There was really no reason why you ragged on him that morning other than you had major plans for that muffin that now had to be put on hold.

The cashier chuckled as he rang you up and looked back at the door to the kitchen for a moment. “I’ll pass along the message.” He slipped the croissant in a brown paper bag and handed it, along with the travel coffee cup, over to you.  “Have a good day. See you next time.”

You accepted it with a “You, too,” and were out the door to catch the next bus to your class.

*** 

Later that week, you ran into a familiar problem with the laptop. This time you needed to add Photoshop but figured that it shouldn’t be an issue now that you knew the password. So when you typed in the exact same thing as last time and the computer told you it was incorrect, you dragged a hand down your face and groaned. Well, you weren’t going to make the same mistake twice.

Swiveling around in your chair you grabbed your phone and called the Tech Services line again. The only thing that would make this even better would be if tech guy answered again, that’s how your luck was going that week. And sure enough, “Library Tech Services.”

You refrained from groaning again. Out loud anyway. “Hi, it’s y/n again. I was the one who called about the admin credentials Monday night?”  

“What’s up?”

“I’m trying to install Photoshop right now and it’s telling me the username/password is incorrect, which is impossible because it’s what I used the last time.”

“Right. We had to change the password for our monthly maintenance, it’s a security thing.”

“You’re kidding,” you said surprise coloring your voice. “Any chance you can share the new one with me?”

“Technically, I wasn’t supposed to give that to you last time.”

It was time to turn on the charm and convince him like you managed to previously. As you pleaded with him to do you this favor he interrupted you.

“How bad do you need it?”

What was wrong with you that hearing him say that put your mind in the gutter? He definitely hadn’t meant it that way when he said it! He was much chattier this time around so you were able to appreciate his voice better and his voice just did it for you.

You cleared your throat. “It’s not an emergency this time, no impending next-day deadlines, but I do want to get working on this new assignment…”

“Okay, okay. You’re lucky I like you.” That was news to you because you didn’t get that vibe based on the last call. It was nice to hear though. Some clicks sounded from the other end of the line and you waited silently for a few moments before he was ready to say the new password.

“Whew, we’re good to go,” you updated him as the Photoshop installation started. Another moment of silence passed.

Finally, he said a quick, “Good.”

You weren’t caught off guard when you heard the click that signaled he had hung up. Unlike the last call, he hadn’t seemed rude and he did mention that he liked you. Maybe he was just an awkward sort of guy, despite his killer voice. That might explain why he worked an IT job, weren’t those kinds of guys supposed to have terrible people skills?

You worked with Photoshop for a bit and when you reached a good stopping point, you got ready for bed. That night you laid awake for a while, unable to drift off to sleep. Instead, you replayed the conversation with tech guy over and over in your mind.

He was very helpful when he wasn’t giving an attitude and he this was the second time he had bent the rules for you. That pesky word ‘like’ kept rattling in your brain and you started to wonder if that nice voice belonged to a nice face. Furthermore, was there a chance that he found your voice attractive as well?

***

Sunday morning on a college campus seemed like a smart time to visit the coffee given that most of campus wasn’t up yet, which increased the chances of you getting your hands on a banana chocolate chip muffin. Maybe even two or three if you were honest, to make up for the past several failed attempts.

The sun hadn’t been up long when you opened the door, the little jingling bell announcing your presence. A barrage of delicious aromas caressed your nose and to your extreme delight, one of the scents you detected was a banana-chocolate combination.

You walked up to the counter and the cashier smiled as he told you good morning.

“So… can I get three banana chocolate chip muffins?”

He merely smiled and started working on your cappuccino. “Of course. Reid just finished them so they still in the kitchen, piping hot.”

Reid must be the baker that was responsible for the muffins as well as responsible for never making enough. “Finally! This is a long time coming for me.”

“I passed him your message, I think he took it to heart.” He handed over the drink and turned to go to the kitchen. “I’ll be back with the muffins.”

He pushed the door open and for a split second you caught a glimpse of a side profile belonging to a blonde guy. He was too far away to distinctly make out any facial features but he had nice shoulders framed by his black tee and obvious blonde hair that was hard to miss. He looked cute to you, at least from a distance.

Those two details were the only things you took note of before the door closed, effectively blocking you from more staring. Too bad. It was totally ridiculous to think about but tech guy’s voice would be a good combination with baker guy’s looks.

You picked at the lid of the coffee cup while you waited for the rest of your order already anticipating how they would taste. Your plan was to only eat one this morning and to ration the rest, but you were honest enough with yourself to know that you might enter a feeding frenzy and have all three finished by lunch.

When the door opened up again your eyes searched for the seemingly cute baker but there was no sign of him. There wasn’t a chance to get down about it, however, because a smile lit up your face as soon as you saw the medium sized brown paper bag that held the muffins.

“Reid says these are especially for you,” the cashier said as he lifted the bag over the register.

You were quick to raise your hands to take it from him and made sure to thank him as you left, not questioning why Reid, a person you’d never met, would make a comment like that, figuring that he was referring to how you complained that the muffins were always sold out.

The morning air was especially cold as you trekked back to your dorm, your breath condensing into a fleeting, frozen cloud around your face and the only thing keeping your hands warm was the cappuccino you held between gloved hands. Still, the trip to the coffee shop was definitely worth it and you were hoping that it was a good omen to start the day off with.

***

Perhaps you were still experiencing the high of the morning victory at the coffee shop, but later on that night while you were working on homework once again, you started thinking about tech guy again. There wasn’t any need to call him; you now had both Illustrator and Photoshop on the laptop and there wasn’t anything else that you needed to install.

Still, you debated calling him. Not because you needed to but because you wanted to. Which was weird, even to you, but you had missed him the past couple of days, bad people skills and all. After the second call, you felt even more confident that he wasn’t as condescending a guy as you had first thought him to be. And you wouldn’t mind getting to know that awkward version of him better.

The hard part was you literally knew nothing about him other than he worked the night shift at the library. You didn’t have a name, a face, not even a work schedule to confirm whether he was working tonight or not. Reid must’ve been serious when he told the cashier those muffins were made especially for you because there had to have been a secret dose of recklessness mixed in there. How else would you explain this strange, and potentially creepy, call you were about to make?

The dial tone rang and you took a deep breath, not sure how this would turn out. On the fifth ring, someone finally picked up. “Library Tech Services.”

You laughed in relief. Tech guy was the on the other end of the phone. “Hey.”

“Hey, y/n. Having another crisis?” On one hand you felt a little embarrassed that you no longer had to say your name for him to recognize your voice but on the other, the possibility that he enjoyed talking with you, too.

“It may come as a surprise but I can get through a day without having a tech issue that needs solving.”

“Oh, really?”

“I swear.” You crossed your heart even though he couldn’t see you.

“Well, what do you want then?”

Time to be brave. “Actually, I called for you.”

“I would hope so, I’m the only who works this shift meaning I’m your only option.”

“No, um, I meant I wanted to tell you thanks for helping me out with installing that stuff on the laptop. You were a lifesaver.”

“I try.”

“Seriously! I definitely would’ve missed one graphic design deadline, potentially two if you hadn’t come to the rescue.”

That seemed to get his attention. “Is that your major? Graphic Design?”

“Yep. Don’t I give off bumbling artist vibes?”

“Hmm you seem pretty confident to me but there’s nothing wrong with that. My grandma was—” He started that sentence but abruptly cut off and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Are you saying I remind you of your grandma?”

“Shit,” he grumbled. “My friends told me to stop bringing her up when talking to hot people.”

“Don’t sweat it, she sounds like she was awesome so I’m honored. But back to the part where I’m hot… do you really think so?”

“Obviously. Do you think I hand out library secrets to every person who calls? Your voice is strong and you sound super smart so I tried my best to be cool with you.”

“Okay but future tip: hanging up on people and not telling them your name is rude, not cool.”

His embarrassment was tangible through the phone and you let him sweat momentarily before speaking. “Luckily for you, I like dorks such as yourself and am willing to look past it as long as I get your name.”

“It’s Reid. Reid Garwin,” he rushed to say.

Now that was interesting. You fell back on your bed, your brain trying to make connections. The name while not super common, wasn’t rare either and what were the chances that you met two of them on the same day. If Reid with the nice body and tech guy, er, Reid with the nice voice were one in the same, you wouldn’t be upset. Quite the contrary.

“Reid as in Reid who bakes my favorite sugar fixes on campus?”

“One in the same. You seen me there before?”

“Only once,” you reveal. “When I went to pick up some muffins this today.”

It was his turn to laugh. “Wait. Are you saying that you’re that customer who called me stupid the other day?”

“…Maybe.”

“They don’t let me out front cause I’m ‘too much’ for people but rest assured that the door isn’t that thick. I feel like an idiot for not recognizing that it was you though.”

The revelation that Reid was baking a tech hero, a winning mix by the way, thrilled you all the way from your head to your toes. At the moment you didn’t even care that he heard you calling him names at the coffee shop although you were sure the mortification would set in later.

“Would you like to go out sometime—”

“You do want to go out with me sometime—”

The two of you spoke at the same time and when you realized that the other had read your mind, you both giggled.

“After you,” you assured him.

“Shit, would you like to go out sometime? There’s a restaurant downtown that’s really good and I promise not to bring up grandma Garwin again.”

The plan was to pretend to think about it but your excitement overrode your brain and you said, “Deal as long as you promise to tell me more about her, not less.”

He started to answer you but stopped suddenly and you could vaguely hear him getting scolded by someone, reminding you that technically he was still on the clock.

“Sorry,” he grumbled, “The librarian on duty told me to stop flirting and get back to work. Stop by the coffee shop tomorrow though and we can talk more.”

You said your good-byes and rolled around your bed, the comforter thoroughly rumpled by the time you stopped. It seemed that your luck may be turning around for the better.

_______________

Thanks for reading my most self-indulgent piece to date. Also my longest! Reid may consider himself to be mister cool, but he is also an awkward bean who would make a great tech guy. It's also my first time experimenting with moodboards, let me know what you think :)

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Circe Invidiosa

Circe Invidiosa has 11 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files stories at her website. Some of my favs I’ve recced here before, like Make It Worse and Slap a Goatee On Me and Call Me Evil. She also made a bunch of X-Files collage art, including some cover art for fics (hers and others), which you probably saw if you were reading fic back when authors posted fics on their own websites where art could be shared. Big thanks to Circe Invidiosa for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Well, it would surprise me if people did read my fic. As it happens, I don't hear much feedback from my fic these days. Probably because the bulk of it is on Gossamer and my own site rather than AO3. Also, I was never a BNA. I worked a lot behind the scenes – hosting other authors' sites and making fanart and dustjackets. I think that's what I'd be remembered for, if anything.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience?

I miss the collective excitement and discussions we had as groups. When you got in with a group in the XF fandom, you felt like you knew everybody there. Now the fandom feels a little faceless except for the people I still follow from my old groups.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Most of my experience was on Yahoo Groups. I joined Scullyfic while it was still there and then E-muse when it became an e-mail list, which I'm still a part of. I was part of several Yahoo Groups (can't remember all of them now), where I'd post my fic, RealPlayer slideshows (remember those?!), and collages. I never really took part in discourse because I'm shy and don't think anyone cares about my opinions (still don't!). The e-mail address I used for those groups was purged a couple of years ago, so I've lost all those messages.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

My take away is that fanfic made me a better writer, thanks to having some great betas, and it made me a better professional writer for it (my real-life work is writing but not fun writing) because I learned to take criticism.

I also used to make a lot of fanart, collages and dustjackets for fic mostly. My big take away from that was that I really got into graphics and I got super proficient at Photoshop, which helped my own artistic endeavours and photography. I didn't realize how much skill I had developed until I've had to help someone with their graphics or photo editing.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

My mother was watching X-Files before I was and she was raving about it. I don't have a great relationship with my mom, but one thing she was usually right about was TV shows. It's where I got my love of Sci-Fi.

I think the first episode I watched was Ice, which definitely hooked me. As for when the shipping started, I remember we were watching Lazarus, and when Mulder was yelling at Lula (I had to look that up) about hurting the hostage Scully, my mom said, "Oh, he's so in love with her." And I was all, "What?! Pfff." But then I could not stop thinking about it. And then I thought about it way, way too much.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I was in my late 20s, and it was around the end of S7 and I kept thinking about what if these two dumb idiots actually talked one day. And I kept thinking about dialogue in my head about what they'd actually say. The internet was still in its infancy back then, but I'd seen fan sites here and there. So I decided to search around to see if other people were talking about it and thinking about it like I was. I was such a noob I'd never even heard of fanfic. Imagine my delight when I discovered it. I found a few stories and thought, 'Well, I can do that.' And I wrote up my first story, found a place to post it (wasn't Ephemeral the best?), got some kind feedback, found a really nice person (not sure she wants to be named since she used her real name in the fandom back in the day) who encouraged me a lot and directed me to all the e-mail lists and Yahoo Groups that I needed to be on, and then, Bob's your uncle, I wrote more and more.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Periphery. Most of my experience in any fandom is now on Tumblr because that's where my attention span is. Show me pretty pictures and funny stuff. I am old now and don't want to think hard.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Veronica Mars was my next fandom experience. A number of my XF friends got me hooked on VM. The VM fandom was a LOT younger compared to the XF fandom. When I joined the XF fandom, I was the kid compared to most of the other fans who were all goddesses and royalty in my eyes. But in the VM fandom, I was in my 30s and the rest of the fandom were all in their early 20s if not younger. It often showed, so I stayed out of discussions and just posted my fic once I started writing it. I took a new handle (invida) when I started writing VM fic. Just in case these kids felt like my writing sucked, I didn't want it getting back to the XF fandom that I’d branched out and failed spectacularly.

By then fandom experiences had moved over to LiveJournal. I never really got involved in the discourse or the fandom fights. I knew what people were saying and where the schisms were, but I was all about the fanfic and the pretty pictures. Most of my LJ friends just discussed the episodes and posted their fic and that was good with me.

What got me writing fic for VM was Anjou's brilliant VM fic Into the Blue. Seriously, if you love VM S1, read her fic. Just so beautiful.

VM was also where started writing a WIP, which was a wild trip. I wrote a much-loved WIP called Damn, Damn the Circumstance which people still ask me about finishing to this day. Someday…*wistful sighs*

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Scully. She was everything! Lapsed Catholic, degrees in science, skeptic, always trying to work within the rules but still not taking crap. Yeah, she was the best.

Veronica Mars was great until she wasn't. I have a lot of issues with her beyond S2. And don't even talk to me about S4. For me, S1 was the best, I enjoyed the movie, the books were okay, but nothing else happened after that. NOTHING.

And the first character I ever loved was Princess Leia. She was also everything to me growing up. I wanted to be her. I still do.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Now and then. Not as much as I used to. I sometimes have it on in the background when I'm doing other things. Back before the pandemic, my BFF and I would have get togethers where we would play Scrabble, eat a lot of candy, and binge several XF episodes. I miss doing that. Hopefully, we will get back to that soon.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I am not an active XF fanfic reader right now. I will read any stories my friends put out. Otherwise, I only occasionally read some I come across on Tumblr in my feed, but I am not seeking them out. I will beta for any XF author who asks me as well.

I am reading fic in other fandoms though – Endeavour, Broadchurch, Sherlock…huh, I'm just realizing that's a lot of British stuff. I have been really into British detective series for the last few years.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I used to run an XF fic recommendation site called How Will It End usually with at least one other person (I went through at least 4 partners on that project because I'm a control freak). We'd compile our recs and then I'd post them on my site. We'd also feature authors we really liked and interview them. Not unlike these interviews!

I'm terrible at giving feedback/comments. So I solved that problem by making a rec site. That way I could tell authors I loved their fics by recommending them. I didn't have to comment, I'd just say, 'I'd like to rec your fic'. And then they'd get promotion. Win-win. Back in those days, the fandom would absolutely roast you for promoting your own fic, so to get on a rec site was a big deal. Not that I had a popular rec site or anything. But I think authors really enjoyed being asked.

All that to say I've liked a lot of fics. I can pull up the archives of HWIE and show you all the faves I liked. :)

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Back in the day, E-muse would hold Improv Challenges, where other members would give you a prompt that you had to include in your fic. I was always really proud of the stories I created from those challenges (No Earthly Means and Elephant in the Room if you want to read them).

I enjoyed writing Dead to Rights which is an XF/Dead Like Me crossover because I loved the challenge of writing a crossover. It was the first crossover I ever tried writing even though I only recently published it.

Otherwise, I like re-reading In a Graveyard, Importuning Life for Life, and Some By Virtue Fall. Of my more recent fic, I like Slap a Goatee on Me and Call Me Evil because the premise was ridiculous and I think it's funny as all get out.

Probably my favourite of my VM fic was Stay Outta Riverdale. Because: 1. The title is a Simpsons reference who doesn't love a Simpsons reference? And 2. I think I was hilarious throughout it.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I'm always open to writing more fic (and, of course, I don't mean my WIPs…don't look at me like that). Lately, my only motivation has been from writing prompts on Tumblr. I haven't had anyone give me a prompt in over a year, so here we are. I have snippets of dialogue in journals and word documents that have never found their way into stories. I'd be happy to dust off any of those and shoehorn them into a new story.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

The last fanfic I wrote was a mini-fic over a year ago (with a prompt from Lilydale!). I've written a bit of original fiction but I haven't been able to finish it. Otherwise, I do have a number of real life hobbies which are where my creative outlets lie now.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Lately, challenges and prompts. It used to be from wanting to see more from a scene. I really had a thing for fill-in-the-blanks or scene continuations. And sometimes my motivation is just plain old spite. :)

What's the story behind your pen name?

Circe Invidiosa is the title of a painting by John William Waterhouse. Love the colours and the absolute malice on the face of the subject. It felt like a good pen name – the envious witch. That's me!

I chose it when I posted my first XF fic (which I cringe to read now, ugh so terrible) without knowing there was already a Circe in the fandom. Whoops. I tried to go by the full Circe Invidiosa or Invidiosa as much as possible after realizing that (invidiosa is my url and my username on a lot of sites, etc.). Now I think that I've been around long enough that it doesn't matter as much but I still like it.

As I said, I took the name Invida for the VM fandom which is just a shortening of Invidiosa.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My significant other knows and that was quite a reveal (oh how awkward). However, the SO has been very supportive and has read all my stories since the reveal and sometimes betas them. The SO also wants us to collaborate on writing some original fiction but we haven't found a project that works for both of us creatively or timewise.

My BFF knows because I dragged her into the online fandom. We've known each other since we were 14, but our love of XF really solidified our bond in our 20s. She wrote some short but sweet fics under the penname Helen Quilley which I bullied her into posting, and we wrote Of Ladies Most Deject and Wretched together. She is mostly embarrassed that she wrote fanfic now but we still fangirl together.

No one else really knows other than fandom folks I've met in real life. And some friends know I've written 'short stories' but I don't elaborate. I work in a stodgy, uptight industry where anything fun or actually having a life is frowned upon.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Over the first lockdown, I got my shit together and got my fic site, invidiosa.com, up and running again. My site houses fic by Rain (now @doctorhelena on Tumblr and AO3), Helen Quilley, ML (who I miss so much), Folieadeux, Shelba, TLynn, Oracle, Piper Sargasso, Diehard, and me. And I made all their dustjackets (except Folie's). The site got hacked a few years back and it was so much work to get running again that I put it off for years and years. I still feel terrible that I did not get the site back up before ML passed away, especially when ML had asked me about it a few months before she passed.

Anyway, all my XF fic is here: circe.invidiosa.com. I have 3 of my newer XF stories on AO3. And my fic-LJ also has some of my stories. Some of the newer stories are on Tumblr but the tagging is so erratic that I'd have to list several tags before you'd find them all. I don't know why I haven't moved everything over to AO3. Probably laziness.

I'm @invidiosa on Tumblr. I'm still on E-muse. I'm still on LJ. I'm always reachable by e-mail (invidiosa at gmail).

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Thanks for reading, writing, and commenting. It is always appreciated.

(Posted by Lilydale on January 5, 2021)

[askaceattorney]

Dear 91teivos,

Mod Vera: Thanks! Everyone in the world is going through some kind of existential crisis, so it made sense for the AA characters to join the party! (And since it was another follower who gave us the idea, we might just keep that idea in the think that after all...)

Dear dawsongfg,

Mod Vera: No need to apologize! We like to space out letters from specific people a little, but we’ll answer as many as we can!

(Referenced Letter)

Dear Bluedragoncody,

Co-Mod: Don’t worry.  I doubt they’ll have much luck against the Ace Attorney crew, even without the Proto Badger.  They have the ultimate weapon against despair in their arsenal, after all.

...They’re doomed, aren’t they?

I can’t make any promises, but if I ever gain enough skill in the art of animation (which has been a dream of mine for a long time, it turns out), I’ll keep that idea in mind.

Dear skibot99,

Mod Vera: Probably Tumblr bein’ weird. (What else is new?)

Dear sheeeesh,

Mod Vera: Mods get brought on as needed, as you can see with the arrival of Mod Edgeworth! Also, DGS2 is one of the few AA titles I’ve never played, but rest assured. Where there’s a letter, there’s a Mod who can answer it!

Mod Edgeworth: To add to Mod Vera, even if you weren’t accepted during any mod applications, that doesn’t mean you have lost all chances. I applied early January and lost to Mod Vera. Regardless, Co-Mod informed me that, even though I was rejected, he saw my potential and kept me in mind for if I was ever needed. Now, here I am.

Just because you get rejected, that doesn’t mean it’s game over. Show that you have potential and make yourself known by sending letters to us. That is what I did, after being rejected. I made myself known to the mods by sending letters. We do read them and they tell us how much you know the characters and games of AA more than any application. Of course, you must also follow the guidelines. That just goes without saying.

Co-Mod: I think my actual words were something like “Don’t tell anyone, but you were my second choice.”  But yeah, what they said is true -- becoming a Mod here, like many things, may or may not happen to you, but you can definitely increase your chances by waiting patiently and demonstrating your potential.

As for DGS2 letters, I’m afraid those are still off-limits unless you know of a way to play or watch the game in its entirety, translated into English.  I guess I could check to see if the Dai Gyakuten Saiban 2 channel finished translating...

(Translation: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!  ...D-Don’t tell me?!)

...Okay, looks like I have some watching to do.  Don’t know how I missed that.

So, uh...  That part in bold was what I was going to say.  Now that both games are finally getting an official English version, all I can say is, hang tight!

(Previous Post)

Dear Inferno again,

Co-Mod: Yeah, I agree.  I was just joking around.  For anyone who didn’t catch it, that was a reference to Sbemail #108.

The event’s technically over, but we’ll answer the rest of the April Fools’ Day letters when they reach the bottom of the queue.  I’m as eager to see Trucy’s reaction to the news (after the stunned silence) as anyone else, after all.

(Video in Letter -- Strong Language Warning)

Dear Ella,

Mod Edgeworth: 

I can’t see the first link and....

How did you find this masterpiece and where can I play this game?

Co-Mod: We don’t check for direct messages on Tumblr, if that’s what you’re referring to, so it wouldn’t have made any difference anyway.  You can always send links in your letters, of course.

(Previous Post)

Dear Inferno,

Mod Edgeworth: That mad lad would be me and thank you. 

I like to put my heart and effort when answering these letters. With this one, I figured you wanted to see Trucy in costume, so I just searched up an image on Google for the Ancient One’s costume, a sprite of Trucy and a bald head to put on her. The rest I photoshopped on GIMP. 

We’re still going through letters from January. Hopefully we will get the rest of yours soon enough.

Mod Edgeworth: Thank you very much. Your support and the others’ support that have liked, commented and reblogged it mean a lot. As you have stated, a majority of the fandom seem to consider him the worst. I’d like to think it’s because how AA had created this villain of a character to be universally hated was pure genius. Not even the Phantom gets this much hate… and that’s saying something.

Unfortunately, I’d like to keep my real identity outside this blog a secret. I write a lot of letters here and I don’t want to break the spell for anyone. Think of it like a Disney theme park. The cast that play the characters will never admit their true identities, outside of family and close friends, to prevent the experience from being ruined. I want to do the same as a Mod. I don’t want to break the spell of writing to your favorite AA characters. This blog had helped me through my tough times and I want to help everyone else as a mod.

However, I will answer your letters and, if you post anything on your account, a mysterious friend I know may linger and give you a like ;)

(Previous Letter)

Dear Ali S. Fakenamington,

Co-Mod: Beautifully so.

(Previous Letter)

Dear Sinyove,

Mod Edgeworth: That letter was made in 2012 before AA5 and AA6, which was WAY before I became a part of the AA fandom. I’m certain a lot of us were not here when this letter was made, except maybe Co-Mod, but you’ll have to speak with him about this. I will say that the mod that answered this is no longer working here... I think. At the very least, I haven’t heard from him.

That being said, AA4 or Apollo Justice was the first AA game I’ve ever played. Despite all of the hate I saw towards that game, I still loved it regardless. Though, having not played the trilogy, playing the tutorial of AJ was a pain in the ass. I remember going to YouTube to find out how to beat it, because it was so hard. I also played it on PC.

I do see where The Mod was coming from. Had the two sequel games never existed, Apollo Justice would have more holes than my brothers’ socks. My only critique is that Phoenix wasn’t any better either with having Mia babysitting him during almost every trial AND investigations. Hell, Phoenix needed Mia to know how to talk to a kid, talk to a perverted old man, almost gave up in most of his trials in the first game and never conducted a trial without Mia until Turnabout Goodbyes when Maya literally couldn’t summon her. For the most part, Apollo was doing fine on his own without Phoenix, with only Trucy assisting him for the two middle trials, only almost giving up once and Phoenix having assisted him during times when Apollo was not in a normal situation (like when the criminal turned out to be his own co-council/mentor or when he had to lead a trial that included the Jury System). That’s more than Phoenix ever did on his own in the first two games and I think Apollo deserves more credit than he got in that letter in my opinion.

For me, Apollo Justice is one of those games you either like or you hate. I love it for what it is. My least favorite AA game would have to be Ace Attorney Investigations, the first game. The second one is my absolute favorite.

Co-Mod: Sadly, I haven’t seen or heard from the Mod in a while, so it may be time for us to declare him MIA again.

Erm...  Sorry, poor choice of words.

I’m fairly certain I wasn’t around 5 years long ago, but I have to say, Capcom did a great job of making Apollo and his story more interesting over time.  He may not be Phoenix, but he certainly carried his legacy forward pretty well, both as an attorney and as an Ace Attorney protagonist.

Now, WHAT ABOUT ATHENA ALREADY!?

Dear BDC,

Co-Mod: It fits like a glove, if you ask me...although it also kind of reminds me of 101 Dalmatians.  And thanks for that bit of info!  I never get tired of watching people enjoying the fun dialogue and plot twists of Ace Attorney, so I might have to look him up.

I’m not sure I feel the same about watching Dahlia’s voice actress, though.  I’m sure she’s a nice person and all, but the thought of hearing that voice for so long...  *shudder*

(Previous Letter)

Dear dawsongfg again,

Co-Mod: I wasn’t trying to say that natural deaths can’t happen in the Ace Attorney universe, just that most deaths aren’t what they seem.  I knew right away that Archie Buff’s death was no accident, for one thing.  Waaaaay too much of a coincidence, know what I mean?

-The Mods

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hey!! 👋🏽😄 I know you said in your last rant about SK8 and Reki and Renga that you were one of those people that always looks up and learns from others, but after your last Langa edit, I just wanted to remind you how immensely talented you are. I might have not seen your first attempts at editing, but I know how it looks like when you're barely starting something, and I'm sure everyone is proud of the progress you've made and many people looks up to you as the level of skill they want to achieve. You're doing amazing! 💖💖💖

Hi, my love!!!!!! ASDFSDFGHG that’s soooo sweet, thank you so much for saying this, it really means the world to me <3 Oh, haha I’ve deleted most of my old videos so it wouldn’t hurt anyone’s eyes lmao T_T I’m still a bit nervous each time I’m uploading my vids to the day to be honest, even with so many subs rn, but at first I really didn’t have any supporters at all and my god I sucked at this, but I guess the love for my fav ships was stronger apparently haha. So I always get silly happy at each nice comment and feedback, so thank you seriously. 

I really love love love vidding, Idk why but when smth comes out the way I wanted it’s a super addictive feeling for some reason, but many times I just looked at the final result and just threw it in the trash and started over and my god how many times SonyVegas crushed and didn’t autosave the project. I’m like Suga now, I’m pressing the save button each 2 minutes, cause don’t want to lose anything xD Being someone’s inspiration is truly an honor to me, I’ve got some messages that hit me too hard. Still feels weird bc I’m like “but do you know that I can’t even use photoshop tho, how do u like me now then?” lol.

I’m always drawn to talented characters, bc they amaze me, esp the humble ones. Like those who hate Haru or Lanaga just buffle me honestly. I understand that they’re pretty and talented and everything, but they’re also the sweetest and loveliest human beings, so like...??? And I adore those who don’t whine and get what they want. I just can’t help it. I’m a strong believer in the fact that "you can do anything if you put your mind to it”. So far it worked in real life so suck it lol.

People are also saying like Langa doesn’t deserve to win this and Haru doesn’t deserve to be in Olympics, like Langa didn’t snowboard since he was 2 and Haru wasn’t swimming every day since he was born. I’m like.. and you need to check in the mirror if your face is a shade of green. BTW I’ve also been in a professional sports for quite a long time since I was a little kid, ballroom dancing and adored it back then, and I did not get jealous at ppl who were talented than me, I was watching the tapes actually with a popcorn. And oh god those large competition events when you sit there for days and give it all, but then you’re like 296 out of 1000. Why was I proud instead of being sad? Idk xD It was fun.

So thanks for liking the vid, cause I even regretted uploading it a bit yesterday. Sadly everyone already knows that we lost this fandom to the middle schoolers being extra, so they do not care for anything each episode except for this ship, so that’s what I got for posting a just Langa vid:

And etc. and that just made me sad, cause I do not like such fandoms, like it’s not even related to the video, that I’ve been making... with love.  Also thanks for the "sama” title, I’m flattered, but editor only wants to vid matchablossom for now, so like there’s no need for any warnings. I’ve been in such horrendoes fandoms, that I’m immune to this. I also in fact didn’t know some keep ruining Langa’s page and saying that he steals Reki’s screen time... cause he’s aparently the only main character...? ...lmao? I didn’t even know Langa can be hated tbh. I wasn’t really ready for all the drama that followed me making a vid about him.

I’ve already deleted some comments, cause I’m like what this even has to do with the vid about Langa? No, I am not obliged to make a vid about Reki, too. What if I post a matchablossom vid, everyone will only start commenting “do renga”, cause fuck your efforts? I’m like... I hate such fanbases, seriously. I do not even know where this is going, but their fans are already pissing me off. I’m still trying hard for this to not affect my point of view about the ship, cause it’d be kinda unfair to them, but its getting harder each week istg.

And I maybe can’t take requests, but I love when some try to get me addicted on their ship with passion and great arguments. It happened to me with some nice ppl. But def not with agression and stupidity haha.

Cause apparently its one of the fandoms where you can’t NOT care for the main ship, even if you accept it for the only possible Langa ship (cause he doesn’t give a shit for anyone else, so like what’s the point), but it doesn’t do anything for you. I’m like... thanks for threatening. This will make me on board ASAP. Like it’s not the epitomy of love to me... I’m sorry? LMAO 

Some anon even sent me a “you’re dense” (literally thats it) ask after that Reki ask. I was tempted to write smth like “oh I’m sorry, this is the most epic love story of my life and his character is the most complex in the world and he’s the best friend and the most inspiring human being that ever hit my screen. can I become undense now? xD”. But you know I do not know if they’d realise the sarcasm and my pride sadly never allowed me to sell my life values for a bunch of 12 years olds to love me lol

My sister always laughs and jokingly says “but you’d probably get much more subs if you made a vid about this or that, but at what price that would be lmao”. Cause yeah, I never could make myself vid smth I do not like, cause I love vidding and do not want it to be associated with things I do not like, plus it’ll most likely turn out ugly, if I do not care. My mom says that she can feel love I put in my shipping vids that’s why she loves them. I really don’t think she’s wrong. But that also kinda makes me an idiot technically, cause I’m not into many of the popular ships, and some popular animes I just find really basic. 

Also I’m like 100% sure it ain’t happening, but even if they miraculously suck each other’s dicks while sitting on a skate board, I can still have the rights not to care at the end. Like did I sign some form where I’m obliged to love each and everyone canon gay ship even if it’s not what I like? Like gay is not the type of love in relationships. You can only care about his ass like Lan Zhan for example or you can only care about your ass. Like that’s different types of relationships, and whatever you like you like. So get all the way of people’s backs, please.

Also do ppl know that you do not need to be blind to the bad sides of the characters in your ships? Or you just gonna be like “I suddenly can’t see” for forever.

So really thanks for such wonderful message and liking the video and for the boosts when I need them and not being an ass to me if I’m not being obsessed with smth, when you like it. (like I think we have different ship in bnha, right? but we’re still doing great tho, thanks for being an angel <3)

I still didn’t expect this becoming a Voltron 2.0. situation tho. We in our twenties see everything differently, I guess. I do get extra about “their love is everywhere”, but I do not get extra by anonymously attacking ppl, threatening creators and yelling “queeerbating psychotic blind assholes if these two aint fucking by the end of the season I’m shaving my head and jumping out of the window and shoot the director. you do not ship it HARD? YOU DUMB FUCK. THAT’S THE BEST LOVE STORY IN THE WORLD”. Like damn, take your blinders off and see the world, kid. Firstly, it’s definitely not, secondly, ppl see love differently in general and at each age too.

Ah, also you must kill Adam, cause he’s a pedo apparently. Like he ain’t even a threat to your ship, unless you’re blind, but they’re still at it, like they do not know that this kind of age difference is literally nothing for an anime? And that there are canon ships with a huger age difference left and right, too. It’s like its their first time approaching an anime or smth. Like in anime world character can literally kill 1000 ppl with his bare hands and bathe in their blood and we can still stan them, depends on their story, ok? Also Langa couldn’t care less for his advances, so like separate Adam from your ship pls. Like, fuck off, if someone is interested in his character. Yeah, he’s a weirdo for reasons, but anime kind of weird do not apply to real life. Stop acting like you’re some purist, when later you’re gonna ship smth else and it suddenly will not apply. Also rules do not apply to animes, everyone knows they do not apply. These are not western cartoons, my god. And 24 years old flirting with 16 year old is defiinitely not the weirdest shit anyone has ever seen in the anime. Chinese BL has characters who were 14 and 30 when they met and happily married. Also FICTION is not life. Literally no one cares. If you’re scared for your saint eyes, do not watch animes, you’re gonna have a heart-attack from what you can see there. Also we’ve seen gayer bromances in animes, who are just bromances, so pls do not shoot anyone if it’s not canon.

So basically I was kinda pissed yersterday, cause fuck them for ruining the tag, but after chatting with my hommies and your ask, I’m okay again, I just have to avoid this fandom and stick to a tight community xD. I just got used to my nice fandoms and forgot for a bit about the precautions you need to take if you’re in one of those. You know. Who make a circus out of lgbt, instead of supporting it, and make other ppl hate being in fandoms.

P.S. sorry for this partially unrelated rant, your messages really always make my heart bloom, so thanks for supporting me, and I know you’re proud of my progress, too <3 and this makes me happy. LY

[chidoroki]

TPN ch180

(spoilers! i'm so broken)

I didn't want to be right. I didn't want to actually believe that Emma was lying. If anything, I thought she was just lying about staying with her family when they crossed over to the human world, knowing she would be separated, but this.. oh my god. This girl knew ever since ch143 that she was going to lose her memories of her family and straight up lied to them about it. Granted, only a few days passed from when she returned from The 7 Walls up until they all crossed over to the human world, but still, I.. don't know how to feel. I knew since the prison break she had great acting skills so I'm impressed that she managed to pull off yet another wonderful performance, but wow.. I really hoped she wouldn't! To keep such an important and life changing secret from her family, who are all so important to her, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her knowing this while dealing with the entire capital attack and GF plantation raid. Fighting so hard and succeeding in achieving a bright, happier future for everyone but herself.. ow, my heart.

Some people are fine with the memory loss, others aren't. If anything, at least she's the only one who forgot? I think it would've been worse if everyone else forgot about Emma instead, so having the promise only hurt her is fine.. well, it's not, clearly, but you get what I mean.

And if demon god wasn't on my nerves enough already, the little prat decides to basically photoshop every family member out of the photos Emma kept this entire time. I'm touched she still had the photos in her possession, but now this upsets me so much. Upon seeing the first set of raws and learning Emma lost her memories, I hoped that she could possibly remember them by looking back at these photos if she still had them. But no. Demon god doesn't want me to be happy or get my hopes up. It would've been such a cool idea though. We know Ray originally requested the camera because he needed to strobe for the taser, but he continued to take pictures, not only to keep up the act to prevent Isabella from getting suspicious, but to give said photos to Emma because he knew how important their family is to her. I would've loved it if something so important from the first couple arcs came back at the very end to help Emma regain her memories.

Not only that, but demon god also got rid of her id number? Like.. really? I don't know why that bothers me so much but it does. I know the id brands just proved that the kids were meant to be nothing but food. Of course I know that they're all so much more than that and I should be happy Emma lost hers, because it truly means she's free, but the number was a part of her you know? It would've been fine if every cattle child lost their identifier, but since it was only her it makes me think demon god wanted it to be that much harder for Emma to remember her past and family. That's what bothers me. That even now, after they all crossed over and don't have to deal with demons anymore, demon god still has the audacity ability to make Emma suffer. If she still had her number, I'm sure she would've questioned it, much like Ray did when he was younger (my mind thinks back to ch28, that one memory of him looking at his neck in a mirror). Maybe she would've realized that the people in her dreams also have the same neck numbers, if only faintly. (it must be so weird for Demizu to draw Emma now and not include her number after all this time)

That leads me to wonder if Emma has questioned the rest of her appearance yet. I would assume she's still missing her left ear, since her hair is still covering that side, so does she ever wonder about why it's missing? What about the scars on her body? We personally haven't seen them, but you can't tell me her back and abdomen looks perfect and clean after getting stabbed by Lewis. Yes I know, scars heal with time, but the scar on Lucas' face was still recognizable after 13 years. Same with Zack and his many unfading scars. So does Emma question where hers came from?

Moving on, a month passes and still no memories, however Musica's necklace seems to be the cause of Emma's vivid dreams, like it somehow brings life to her feelings. We see the necklace constantly, not only because Emma wears it, but on volume covers and other color pages as well. It's always been shown off as this important item and yet it hasn't really served a purpose yet. Emma recieved the necklace back in ch51 and the only thing its done so far was show her that one old vision at Cuvitidala in ch101. It'll be a real easy way to solve everything by having the necklace just conveniently bring back her memories, so I get why some people might not like the idea, but at this point I'd be fine with it.

Figures she would end up in the human world with someone who can sympathize with her pain. Old dude lost his family due to war but at least he can remember them. He asks if Emma would want to see her family, if they're alive, and she remains unsure and lost. She doesn't know who these dream people are to her, why they call out "Emma" or why it makes her feel better.

This panel.. this one right here is what breaks me. Our girl is so upset and she can't even understand why. We know why you're crying hun, it's because you miss your family. Your memories may have faded but your feelings for them still live on with you! I have no doubt that love you just as much too! My poor girl, someone send me her location so I can go and hug her!

Emma might have given up trying to remember who she was and live a new life, but if she did encounter her family again, I hope she would be excited to meet them as new people. Maybe they could all start over. Over time they could gently remind her of her past, and if Emma truly can't remember, I hope they'll accept her regardless.

And a name change? I'm.. mmm frustrated. Yeah it makes sense since she couldn't remember hers and would need a new one anyway, but aahh, really? No id identifier, no memories, no name; it's like she's a new character. I was never a fan of the amnesia trope, like she's such a great character and gets built up wonderfully, and now it's like you reset her to zero. Yeah I know, deep down she's still the happy go lucky girl we all know and love, who's strong and capable to still smile even now, but.. man, idk anymore. This whole chapter hurts me.

There's a dim light at the end of the tunnel because we get a glimpse of Ray, Gilda and.. at first I thought it was Don but that person is way too short, so Phil? Regardless, I gotta give them some credit. It may have been a couple months, (remember, old dude said he could't call for help until spring and there's flowers in the ground now) but they've already managed to find where she might be in this new, large world. Please, turn around though! She's so close to you guys, she's right there! Notice her antenna or something, I beg you!

Demon god said that even if Emma met her family, she wouldn't remember them, but I still have small hopes. Emma claim's she stopped having the dreams and given up trying to remember her past, but maybe that short amount of time believing in them was enough. Aside from the necklace which connected her feelings to her unconscious mind, the five sense can also recall memories. Perhaps if she heard her name now, outside of a dream, something in her mind will click. Maybe she would get that warm feeling again she once longed for. Sense of smell and taste are usually most effective in bringing back memories so maybe just being near them or having them cook for her could also help. I know the sense of touch usually works for when you personally touch something, but if it's possible to also recall memories by being touched, then please, for the love of god, let Ray pat Emma's head again! He's done it countless time over the years.. can you imagine if upon meeting and learning that she has no memories, Ray is just like "no worries, you're still the same Emma to us," and while he pats her head, she's like wait hold up, major deja vu, I feel like I felt something like that happened before. I'm probably only getting my hopes up real high with that idea (since old dude just patted her head and nothing) but bro.. I would honestly cry if something so simple and nostalgic as a head pat helps Emma remember her family even the tiniest bit.

And yes, I'm worried Norman isn't around. Please don't let me be right again by having him stay behind due to his health issues. Just let him be in another search group somewhere else okay? I'll accept that. It's odd he wouldn't be working alongside Ray but whatever, split your best minds up to create equally powerful teams, that's fine. It only worries me because now we might not get one last full-score trio hug like I originally hoped! I swear having a hug like that as the very last panel of the series would've been perfectly fine with me after everything that just happened. But now.. aahhh, we'll see.

I can't believe the series ends next week. There's still so much I want to see and know. I pray there's a happy ending for everyone. I want Emma with her family. I want her to remember them. I want one last full-score trio hug. Shirai, don't let us down! You played with my feelings so much within the past year, so please make all the stress and tears worth it! Give me an ending that will satisfy me so much that TPN replaces Black Lagoon as my favorite series! Go ahead, I dare you! Ya see that beautiful panel? Give that to us and not have it be a fantasy! (pretty please??)

[belareaderfmp]

FMP Evaluation

For my final major project I chose underground/overground as my flipside theme. I thought that this would give me a good opportunity to explore light with overground and dark with underground. This stark contrast would make an eye catching piece of work. I chose war as the topic within this flipside theme. This enabled me to explore wartime underground bunkers which led me to look into the cold war with the nuclear explosions and the effects of nuclear war. This has a personal resonance as my dad’s godfather, my great grandfathers cousin (Uncle Ken) was the pilot of the plane that dropped Britain’s first h bomb.

Out of all of the artists I researched during this project, there were three that impacted and inspired me the most. I researched Kathe Kollwitz who was a German artist during the war who did wood block prints studying people who have been affected by war. From this artist I have taken the stark black and white effect from her work. I think it is very effective and fits with the flipside theme. I also admire the way she managed to convey the strong emotion and the horrors of war in such an apparently simple way. This influenced my final three pieces. Shown above is one of her works. Secondly the artists Iri and Toshi Maruki who lived in Japan throughout the world wars and cold war who were both personally effected by the Hiroshima explosion. This husband and wife artist duo created ‘The Hiroshima Panels’ which are a series of fifteen painted folding panels which they completed over a span of thirty two years. I admire the intensity and emotion that their works convey. Their work is mainly black and white images with the blurry coloured background of the flames which I have done something similar for my final outcomes with the black drawings and the background coloured. Shown below is part of their work ‘The Hiroshima Panels’.

The artist Henry Moore also inspired me with his series of wartime drawings which are displayed at the Tate, more specifically his piece ‘Tube Shelter Perspective’ which shows lots of people almost looking lifeless all lined up sleeping in an underground tunnel. This inspired me for one of my final outcomes where it has a tree and underneath it is people sheltering in the London underground. The people in this are hard to make out a bit like his work.

I was really excited to look further into ‘Operation Grapple’ for my wider world research. This was the operation for testing Britain’s first H-bomb, it was interesting to explore the sense of pride that a member of my family was involved in a recent part of this country’s history with the flipside of being horrified that a relative was involved in the creation of a weapon of mass destruction. For research I read the book ‘Operation Grapple’ which was written by Uncle Ken (Group Captain Kenneth Hubbard). It was amazing to learn some of the behind the scenes of the RAF and their operations and I can personally relate to some of the things he is talking about with flying these planes as I just started having flying lessons myself last September. Below is a picture of uncle ken’s plane during the operation, as well as picture of the mushroom cloud from the H-bomb.

In researching wartime bunkers, I was interested to find out just how many were created and could be lying undiscovered under the countryside. A man discovered one in his garden under what he thought was a drain cover, which was left forgotten. This is what inspired my image of the bunker underneath the tree. It is also interesting that many bunkers are used for displaying artworks/turned into galleries. There was one German bunker in the Channel Islands that was excavated a couple of years ago after being filled in in the 1960’s and they uncovered some purple painted flowers on the wall done by one of the soldiers. Shown below is the picture of the flowers in the German bunker as well as the hidden bunker under the Middlesbrough back garden.

In this project I have experimented with new techniques, processes and materials. For example Line drawings/pen scribble drawings, layered tracing paper images, making boxes/3d work, woodblock prints, mandala designs, 2 handed symmetrical drawings, using the layout app to mirror images, collage, images with light – using photographic paper, taking photos and learning how to use photoshop more. As I chose to do layered tracing paper images for my final outcomes, I have been using tracing paper a lot. I really like this style because it allows you to try out the images in lots of different ways because each image is on a separate layer. Also in doing this technique I have become more confident in experimenting with colour, as for the backgrounds of my outcomes I used neon pastels which worked really well for the explosions.

For the FMP, because I work in black and white a lot, I have learnt to use it in many different and interesting ways to convey thoughts and feelings. But also adding hints of colour to give depth and feeling. Looking back now at all of the work I have done, the ones that I feel were the most successful are the pen scribble drawings. I like the freedom of the marks in contrast to my final outcomes that were made with more careful and defined lines. Most of my work is done very precisely and with clear lines, this was my favourite workshop in college as I wasn’t worried about messing up (which I do too much with my work).

My initial outcome idea came from a drawing that I did in my sketchbook having brought ideas together from different workshops for example Hannah’s layered tracing paper workshop with the idea of a floating world. My first outcome, building on from my ideas from the sketchbook, developed into an image of Birmingham cathedral in ruins following a bomb attack. I am fairly happy with the overall image, I like how the mountain being upside down can form a floating world, but I feel like the flames were dulled down too much as just a block colour from being scanned in. I went onto develop two other pieces with a similar idea, I think that the one with the mushroom cloud worked well but again the colour of the explosion was dulled down, so the image lost some of the detail. The third outcome I don’t like as much, I like the images but I think that it is too plain in the background. I also developed these outcomes further by taking sections of them showing more of the detail up close and changing the hues/saturation of them in photoshop.  

1. Thoughts, experiment, man-made

2. Destruction, historic, devastation

3. Inferno, senseless, ruin

4. rumble, beauty, rock

In this project, I have learnt new techniques like the photographic workshop outcomes and also the pen scribble drawings. From this project I feel more confident with starting my pieces and making bolder marks. I am now more open minded with trying new styles, techniques and thinking of new ways to look at art and what it is. In my proposal I said that I wanted to do layered tracing paper images for my final outcomes as I thought that they make strong, bold images and I think that I was quite successful in doing this. I succeeded in producing larger scale images, my final outcomes were produced in A3. This project has taught me a lot of new things both creative and technical skills, which I will definitely take further and I am looking forward to what new things I will learn next year. 

[beckinblack61]

Welp.

How ironic that after hoping to write daily, I forget to post the day after starting. Oh well. Was this a lofty, stupid idea? Yes, highly likely. Am I considering deleting my account after no more than 5 days since making it? Possibly. Will I? Probably not.

So, may this post make up for my missing yesterday’s.

Today’s Topic: Careers?

At one point in time, as we all are when young, I had everything planned out. I knew that it was my goal to attend an Ivy League school and become a certified public accountant. And then, I wanted to be an astrophysicist immediately after reading Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Astrophysics for People in a Hurry. That was all in either 7th or 8th grade, during lovely middle school, just before heading off to high school, where everyone thought we would suddenly become confident, cool, and sure-footed, and set out on our individual destinies.

Then high school came along and through wrenches into all of those plans. I’m a current senior who is graduating in only a few months. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve panicked over the thought of having to choose a career, a major, or area of study. The question of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” suddenly became real and terrifying. For a while I thought about pursuing a career in art. Then my lack of any art skills and confidence proved that unlikely. I’ve thought about a career in writing, although similarly that idea is completely out of the window now.

For a little while, between a month or a year, it really felt like I had no purpose, no place in life where I fit confidently and successfully. I felt like college would be a total waste and that the idea of a “career” simply didn’t fit me. Frankly, I felt like a failure. I believed I hit my peak early in high school or even middle school as the student with straight A’s who was on every teacher’s good side. I was that kid who was called “gifted” early on and doomed to then only live to fulfill other’s expectations of me. Straight A’s became a standard, not anything great but just what was expected from me, and anything less, even a B+, meant I was suddenly “giving up” in my mother’s eyes. If I wasn’t outperforming the majority of my classmates, I was nothing. I’ve panicked a handful of times to the point of breaking over lack-luster grades. And me, being extremely unathletic, introverted, unsocial, and quiet, was defined only by my grades, by my academic success. I had nothing else to my name.

I realized this, and I felt lost. Throughout my life I’ve been told that I would be great at whatever I tried to be, by a lot of people. But, whenever I tried to picture myself in a career or at a job, I was never, ever, confident in myself, and I hardly ever felt passionate about the idea of a specific career path. Again, as I’ve said, I really felt like I had peaked early and was only on a path headed downhill from then on.

Thankfully, quite recently, I’ve seemed to have broken out of those destructive mindsets, and am doing a lot better mentally than I have been in the past few years. I couldn’t really tell you what changed, but a few things somewhat come to mind. 

As of recent, I’ve become a lot more confident with my gender identity and sexuality, albeit I’m not out of the closet yet. I think not understanding that before added to the stress of picturing myself at a career, especially since now I know, somewhat, who I picture myself as in the future. If I pictured a feminine girl at a career, of course I would feel uninspired by it, regardless of the career but because of the person I thought I had to be, since I now know I’m not meant to be a feminine girl.

Also, I’ve become for comfortable with the idea of failure. Of course, I don’t want to fail or anything like that, but I’m okay if I do. It’s only human to at some point or another, if not even frequently.

This ties into the previous two I feel like, but I’ve become ready to learn about myself. I used to think I had to already know who I was, what I wanted to be, what I was destined for, before even becoming it, if that makes sense. Now I know that I have to try something before knowing if I’ll like it or not, at least in most cases. I’m open to discovering if a career fits or not through trial and error, no matter how long it takes.

Somewhat similarly, I’m okay if what I want to do or become isn’t who I’ve been. It’s okay to change, no matter how drastically. It’s okay to realize that you’ve become uninterested with something you used to love, and realize that you love the idea of pursuing something else.

So, let me tell you of my current ideas/plans, and maybe later down the line we can see how accurate I was. Currently, I plan on attending a public university (so not an ivy league.) I think I want to major in English and possibly minor in Creative Writing. I feel like I’ve settled on the idea of pursuing a career in the publishing and printing field of books. Either a publisher’s assistant, a copy editor, or someone who helps literally print and manufacture books, I’m not sure, but they all sound appealing. I know I love books, but that can be a topic for another day. I could go on and on about my relationship with them.

What’s ironic about this is that my school currently offers a class in which you learn about publishing, printing, binding books, and everything about printing presses, among other things. And, I missed the opportunity of taking this in-hindsight-perfect course because I chose a different program where I learn about digital media, how to build webpages, write code, use Photoshop, Illustrator, and other Adobe software, learn how to animate, etc. Albeit, these will no doubt be useful in some cases with my current idea of a career path, as the two programs greatly overlap in some areas, so it’s not a huge waste of time, and I do enjoy what I’m learning, but the fact of the matter is is that with what I’m currently studying I “should” pursue a different career path, but I’m okay with the fact I have interests elsewhere.

Am I disappointing my parents by attending a public university? Funnily enough, no. My mother is extremely glad that I want to go to a somewhat local college, which a few of my relatives currently attend, making her even more comfortable with it, and she would never have let me go states away to Yale, Harvard, or the like anyways, which is a whole other issue that I will save for another day.

And with that, I bid you adieu. May we see if my current plans come true or change overnight, which is always a possibility.

Best regards,

              Briar

Sunday, November 15, 2020, 10:12 AM

P.S.

In hindsight, I realize I’ve technically not missed a day of writing, as I ended my last writing after the hours ticked past midnight, leading to the start of a new day from when I initially commenced writing. How charming is that.

[addictedtostorytelling]

Hello, there! Addicted- that sounds like an appropriate name kkkkk-, I would like your advice on one subject. I want to make a gif from a movie, "Fear" do you know it? I have it downloaded on my computer, Which program you advise me to use? I never made one before, so I'm pretty lost here.

hey, @mementovive!

you can call me aj, if you prefer. 😉

as far as gif-making goes, i make most of my gifs from dvds, but the process is pretty similar to making them from downloads, from what i understand.

the programs i use are:

handbrake (to convert files to mp4 format)

windows movie maker (to cut and manipulate the mp4 files down to the right scenes and sizes)

and adobe photoshop cs5 (to make the actual gifs)

the process itself is kind of involved, so i’ll put the instructions after the “keep reading,” if you’re interested.

__________

i suppose i should preface this post by saying i have a pc, and i have no idea if any of these programs work for macs.

so.

to make gifs, i start in handbrake, where i take the following steps:

(note: if your video file is already in mp4 format, you can skip down to the “windows movie maker” part of the tutorial.)

select the source from wherever i have the video file saved.

“browse” to find the destination where i want to save the converted file and save it under whatever file name i want.

select the “high profile” preset from the right-hand menu.

make sure the cropping is set to zero in all directions. (if a change to the cropping is needed, select “custom” in order to do so.)

make sure that the “anamorphic: none” and “modulus: 16″ size options are selected.

hit the “start button” up top and wait for the video to convert. 

the bigger the file is, the longer it takes to convert. 

(i typically try to only convert short clips, a few seconds or minutes in length at most, to avoid crashing the program.)

i then move to windows movie maker, where i select the little filmstrip icon in the center of the screen to import my newly-made mp4 file:

once the mp4 file uploads, i use the slide rule on the filmstrip to select where i want to crop the file. then i hit the “split” button and delete the excess video material i don’t want. 

since photoshop balks at longer files, i usually limit each clip to no longer than 25 seconds in duration. i also try to leave some extra frames before and after the scene i actually want to gif, as photoshop tends to shave off of a second or so from each clip when you upload to start giffing. 

after cropping the file down to the size/length i want it to be, i click on the blue “file” tab at the top of the program, select “save movie” and then the “recommended for this project” setting on the sub-menu. i then save the file to my preferred destination.

i am now ready to go to photoshop and begin giffing.

to open my intended mp4 file, i go to the “file” menu, select “import,” and then select “video frames to layers” from the sub-menu.

i then select the mp4 file from whatever destination i saved it to in movie maker.

at this point, a pop-up menu called “import video to layers” appears, like so:

if i want to gif the whole clip, i select the “from beginning to end” option. otherwise, i click “selected range only” and use the slide rule on the video viewer to select which portion of the clip i want.

in either case, i make sure that the “limit to every” box is checked, like so:

i typically choose 2 frames, as doing so makes the gifs smoother. 

(the higher the number of frames selected, the more gaps there will be between frames, which translates to the gifs ultimately being choppier.)

i also keep the “make frame animation” box at the bottom of the pop-up menu selected.

once i have selected everything i need to, i then hit the “ok” button, at which point photoshop creates an animation timeline at the bottom of my screen.

from here, my next tasks become

cropping,

sizing,

coloring,

and sharpening

my gifs, in that order.

my first item of business is to delete any extra frames i do not wish to gif from the timeline. i do so by selecting said frames in the timeline and clicking on the little trashcan icon at the bottom of the timeline, near the scroll bar.

once i have the frames i actually want to work with---which may all be for one gif or for multiple gifs i intend to make into a set---i click on the menu icon on the right-hand side of the animation timeline.

doing so opens up a pop-up “actions” menu.

i then select “select all” from the actions menu, which highlights all remaining frames in the animation timeline.

next, on the “layers” widget on the right side of the screen, i select all layers, making sure that they’re highlighted, and press CTRL + G to put them into a “group” folder. the name is this folder is unimportant. (photoshop will automatically name it “group 1.”)

i then return to the animation timeline, where, with all frames still selected, i click on the little black arrow at the bottom of a frame (beside the timestamp that says “0.03″ and select “other.”

i then input a set delay of 0.09 seconds and click “ok.”

now i select the crop tool from the tools widget on the left side of my screen. i use this tool to cut away any framing around the gif, like so:

next, i click on the “image” tab at the top of the screen and select “image size.”

the size of image i want will depend on what kind of gif(s) i’m making. if i am making a single gif or large gifs for a “stackable” set like this one, i make it no wider than 540px. if i am making a gifset that is two gifs across, then no wider than 268px. if a gifset that is three gifs across, then no wider than 177px. 

if i adjust my gif to the width i want and the height ends up being less than ideal, then i undo the width adjustment, input the height i want, and then crop the gif to the proper width (manually) using the crop tool rather than the “image size” menu, as doing so prevents skewing.

in any case, once i have the gif the size i want it to be, i start on coloring.

honestly, coloring gifs is the most artful and least scientific part of the whole process. the tools for doing so are found both in the “layers > new adjustment layer” tab at the top of the program and in the “adjustments” widget on the right-hand side of the program, adjacent to the layers widget.

there are lots of good tutorials on coloring available for beginners, both on tumblr and on youtube, so i recommend reading/watching a couple, just to get a feel for what all goes into the process. 

once you have the basics down, you kinda just have to play around to find what looks good to you. some gif-makers use psds, some color by hand.

i tend to have kind of a “base set” of coloration that i use and then go by feel on a lot of stuff, favoring bolder colors where i can, though i am still striving to achieve the kind of beautifully vivid hues expert gif-makers like @panchostokes create.

seriously! check these out. they’re gorgeous!

in any case, after coloring the gif comes sharpening, which is another process i suggest you check out tutorials to learn.

tbh, sharpening is one of my weakest skills as a gif-maker, and particularly as i most often make gifs of 90s and early 00s shows, which tend to have low resolution and therefore need a lot of work; in addition to using tutorials, i’ve been playing around with my own sharpening “recipe” lately, but i haven’t hit on the perfect admixture just yet.

once i’m finished with the gif---cropping, coloring, sharpening---i go to the “file” menu in photoshop and click “save for web devices.” 

before saving, i make sure that the lower left-hand corner of the pop-up shows that my gif is under the current tumblr gif size limit (to ensure maximum image quality).

at present---as of september 2020---the current limit is 8mb.

however, most gif-makers try to keep their gifs under 5mb, when possible, as tumblr compresses larger gifs, ultimately lowering the quality by changing them from .gif to .gifv files.

if i find one of my gifs is over the size limit, then i go back to make the gif smaller---by cropping it---shaving off the extra mbs. 

finally, i check to make sure that the “forever” looping option is selected, so that my gif doesn’t stop running after its first play-through. 

 once i have everything as i like, i click “save.”

---and that’s the basics of how i make gifs.

of course, mine is neither the only nor best way to make gifs, and i’m sure that more seasoned gif-makers reading this tutorial are probably side-eyeing my process 👀 👀 👀.

there are undoubtedly easier ways to do things and methods that achieve prettier results; this process is just the one i’ve developed through trial and error, so it’s the one i stick with.

note that i also didn’t say anything here about adding text to gifs, but that’s something else you can learn how to do through more thorough tutorials than this one.

my best advice for aspiring gif-makers is to find a gif-maker whose work wows you and see if they have any tutorials or tips; i personally learned almost everything i know about gif-making from this very excellent tutorial @everynineyearsandthirtyfourdays posted years ago.

anyway.

good luck giffing fear! 

i hadn’t heard of that movie before, but i see that billy plays a role. nice!

feel welcome to send more questions any time.

[elysiumwaits]

[Image Description: It’s a square image of music notes across a blue background in retro pink, purple, and yellow. The text says “Let’s Get Distracted! Part One,” and it’s obvious that Ely made it themselves in like five minutes.]

Let’s Get Distracted! 

Part One

When it comes to dealing with things that we can’t actually change or improve, distraction is key. Going over things again and again is distressing, because there’s no actual problem to solve, no solution that’s going to appear the more that we think about it.

Distraction doesn’t mean that we’re ignoring things, or that we’re choosing to be uninformed. Distraction is a good way to stay sane in the middle of devastating anxiety, because panic isn’t going to help anyone at all. It is perfectly fine to find something to get obsessed with, to use this time to learn a new skill, or even just work on getting through the day without losing your mind in the barrage of awful news that keeps happening.

So here are some fun things to do that are free (at least for a little bit) to hopefully help you kill some time and try not to get bogged down with anxiety. For this first list, I tried to grab a variety of things that people may not have known about. Later, I’ll be putting together lists that might require supplies (for crafts), or may lead you to links to cheap entertainment. This one, though, I’ve tried to keep free for you - or at least stuff with a good free trial!

Most of these are for use in the browser or on your laptop. A couple of things also have phone apps (but I’ll be doing a list of games/apps later specifically for phones). I personally have a Chromebook, so I’m not the person to talk to about software for games and such, but if anyone wants a list of fun free/cheap games on the Switch or PS4 or Steam, let me know and I’m happy to make recommendations!

Some Things to Get Distracted By

Neopets - Yes, they still exist! They’re still pretty fun, too. Plenty of flash games, plenty of light-hearted stuff. Clearly aimed for children, but just as enjoyable for adults too, especially if you’re looking to kill some time and bask in some nostalgia.

Flight Rising - Pet site where you breed dragons! Older audience than Neopets, with a heavy creative side.

HexRPG - Incredibly in-depth Harry Potter fan-roleplay site. Attend classes, roleplay on the frankly insane amount of forums, enjoy the events and contests. Great for writers and artists, honestly just plain fun.

4theWords - A browser-based game for writers! It’s the one that I use, and I really enjoy it. Defeat monsters with your word count, participate in events, post on forums, and play through the game. First month is a free trial, and after that it’s around $4 a month! (My referral code is: MVLRL19774)

Duolingo - Okay, everyone knows about the app, yes. Free language-learning. But the browser site is also amazing, and this is an excellent time to dig into learning that language you’ve always wanted to know. I’m using it to brush up on my Japanese so I can talk to my extended family without as much of a language barrier.

CrunchyRoll - A lot of the anime is actually free-to-watch with ads, and they have a mobile app! You can sign up for free, make your watchlist, get really into a great anime (the new Fruits Basket is pretty good), or even take a trip down memory lane and watch something like Rurouni Kenshin or Cardcaptor Sakura!

Good Mythical Morning - A YouTube series by a couple of best friends that is, frankly, utterly hilarious. If you’re looking for hilarity that isn’t completely wrapped up in video game streams or a specific niche, GMM is a great place to find some laughs. I highly recommend the Post Malone nursery rhyme video!

Libby - This one is US-centered, I believe - sorry! Libby is a free ebook/audiobook library operated by Overdrive that works with your library. You can loan out ebooks and audiobooks based on what your library has available, and a library card is required. You can hook the app to your Kindle and send books to read from your phone, or read them directly in your Libby app. A lot of the most recent, popular books have holds that can last a while, but there are plenty of things to read all the same. Right now, I have Gideon the Ninth and The Babysitters Coven checked out! *this is an app, I’m not sure about a browser edition

Pixlr - Free image editing! I lost Photoshop CS5 when my last laptop bit the dust, but I love using Pixlr to make graphics like phone wallpapers, icons, tumblr headers, and more. Pick a classic book and a color palette, or some stills from your favorite Disney movie, and get creative. Also great for moodboards.

NotAlwaysRight - This website is all about dumb customers. I think it’s pretty safe to assume that if you’ve worked with people at all, there’s something here to laugh about. On top of that, they’ve been operating for years, so there’s a bunch of material, as well as sister sites like NotAlwaysWorking, NotAlwaysRomantic, and NotAlwaysLearning, among others.

Alrighty! That’s all for this one, but I have a few more planned over the next few days.

If there’s a specific recommendation for distraction that you’re looking for, or you just need someone to talk to about all of the anxiety and everything happening so much everywhere, my inbox is open and I’m here for you!