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notnctu · 4 years

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switchin’ lanes - l.jn | ridin’ club

━ welcome to the ridin’ club smut series

genre ➠ slow burn, smut, pwp???, fluff (if u squint) wordcount ➠ 8.3k details ➠ fem!reader, streetracer!jeno, badboy!jeno, college!au, ━ where you and jeno are in a relationship, but not with each other. warnings ➠ explicit language, cheating, flirty banter, alcohol consumption, drugs, yall at a party, physical fighting (not with you), mentions of cuts/bruises, hickeys, drunk public dry humping, thigh riding, fingering, oral (f/receiving) synopsis ➠ If your boyfriend didn’t decide to join such a stupid unofficial club, then maybe you wouldn’t be in such a sticky situation where Lee Jeno is literally knuckles deep in your sticky situation as he drives you home. Or maybe if your boyfriend actually touched you, then you wouldn’t be seeking it from someone else, who can’t keep his hands off of you. taglist ➠ @rabbit-doyochi ; @darkneogotmyback ; @im-lame-irl ; @p-mini ; @niniluvsmarkhyuck ; @saniahmichael ; @jaehy9ngs ; @danyxthirstae01 ; @jaehyunoos ; @pikijaemin ; @suhweo ; @dearlyminhyung

a/n ➠ hi yall its author doie❀!! i hope you enjoy the series pls leave me feedback lmaoo ill literally take anything. we also hit a milestone for followers and honestly its so crazy to know how quickly this tiny sideblog has grown! we’re so thankful that yall follow us, thank u for lovin us and we will try our best to put out more content!! also through the lens hit 1k notes how is that even possible like wow im speechless thank u for everyone who left such kind comments i treasure every form of feedback :)

The heavy double doors of the classroom stare tauntingly at you. The evening setting in, painting the sky with strokes of orange and pink. You managed to remain complaint free the entire day, until your forgetful boyfriend canceled on you because of a club meeting. A meeting for an unofficial club on campus because it is illegal to street race. A club consists of delinquents that are obsessed with cars and steal your boyfriend away from you.

This is the fifth time this week that your boyfriend stood you up or coincidentally forgot your dates. You can’t remember the last time he physically stood in front of you and not through a phone screen. However, it is not completely the stupid club’s fault that your boyfriend has neglected you.

He truly is the worst boyfriend ever. He blames everything on his bad memory and does not prioritize you in his life. He loves one thing --- his car. You could be lying in a hospital bed, and he wouldn’t care to check up on you.

So why did you stay with him? Because you’re scared of being alone? Possibly, but it is a can of worms that you did not want to open just yet. Sex is definitely not the reason you stay with him. He hasn’t touched you sexually since the first and now, last time you two slept together.

You try your best, to only be waved off with a yawn. He doesn’t compliment you. He doesn’t look at you lovingly. He doesn’t even kiss you for longer than two seconds. You are a toppling tower, ready to crumble at any given moment.

The anger in your body fuels you as you pull the door open to reveal several men in leather jackets chatting away with each other. One by one, they all begin to lay their eyes on who abruptly interrupted their joyous conversations. Your eyes scan the room full of intimidating men, whose auras cause a shiver to run down your spine.

Your boyfriend is nowhere in sight, given that there are plenty enough guys who have the ability to cover him. You walk into the open space and the entire mood of the room shifts.

Heavy cologne and a deafening silence fill the air. One particular male, who has been eyeing you the entire time, gets up and walks towards you.

“Are you lost, baby?” Scoffs and chuckles sparsely cover the corners of the room. The unknown male has a jarring cut on his eyebrow, matching a small bruise on his upper cheekbone.

“I’m looking for my boyfriend…” Your weak voice trails off from the sudden attractive male intimidation. The tall man peers around the room, crossing his arms.

“If you are this beautiful woman’s boyfriend, please fucking come out now. It’s very rude to keep your girl waiting for you!” Initially, his low throaty shout startles you. A heavy heat falls on your cheeks when you register his choice of adjectives.

The whole room falls silent once more, before your pitiful boyfriend steps out from between two bulkier men. “Hey babe, what are you doing here?” His eyes nervously bounce around the room, a shaky laughter erupting from his gut.

“Sorry, Jeno. I didn’t mean to cause such a scene. I didn’t even see her come in.”

Like a trigger, you remember your intentions for storming in uninvited. Jeno gauges your flaming reaction to your boyfriend’s apologetic words. He nods, not out of acceptance of the apology, but out of disbelief.

He pulls your boyfriend by the collar of his white shirt and your eye widens at the condescending tone that causes your boyfriend to cower, “I’m not the one to apologize to.” With a careless toss, your boyfriend ends up shaking in front of you.

“Jeno is not the only one you should be scared of.” You whisper angrily to him as the rest of the room continues on with their previous chatter.

Your boyfriend rolls his eyes, “listen, Jeno’s been arrested before. You don’t want to get on that man’s bad side.”

Your eyes wander behind your boyfriend’s hunching shoulders, catching Jeno steal peeks at you too. There is no interest in the other rambling male that stands in front of him. He just wants to check you out a bit more.

He is the hottest person you’ve ever gotten the attention of. You feel flustered, and a bit flattered at his lingering gaze. His brown hair is slicked back messily, giving you more to admire. Jeno is an absolute cliche from a bad boy fanfiction. He is unreal, and the odd chance that he can’t keep his eyes off of you, is also unreal.

But with a light nudge from a blue haired fellow, Jeno’s eyes peel away from your’s. They exchange a few words, which then propels Jeno to hurriedly put on his slightly tattered leather jacket.

You lick your lips to the sight of his body lines as he stands up to follow his friend, but not without another look back at you. Noticing your stare still on him, he bids you a tiny wave goodbye with a smirk to die for. And like that, he’s gone.

“Are you listening to me?” Your boyfriend’s voice finally reaches your reality. Your focus shifts to the obviously irritated expression on his face.

“I guess, I’m not. Don’t fucking stand me up again or I will key your car.” You aren’t actually those kinds of girls, but your boyfriend didn’t take a threat seriously unless it involves his highly treasured car.

And like Jeno, you also make your exit out of the steamy room. The chilly night brush against your unknowingly hot cheeks. Then, you take yourself to the only unhealthy coping mechanism you can think of: a place of free alcohol and no boyfriend.

It takes you a few months to completely stop caring about your dying relationship. You figure how easy it is for your boyfriend to do it, so you make the same decision.

He spends his nights with his friends he made from his club, and has totally become a self proclaimed car enthusiast. You lose yourself in copious amounts of cheap alcohol at your local parties and it’s almost like you stop sulking over a man who kisses his car goodnight.

While being alone did not bother you as much as you had been dreading, the sexual frustration is a completely different issue. You are absolutely drooling whenever your eyes find Jeno in the crowds of sweaty bodies.

If there is one good thing that came out of your boyfriend’s membership in that club, it had to be Lee Jeno and a few other notable people who attended the same parties as you.

He became a very close acquaintance, and you had learned some very important names associated with the Ridin’ Club. Na Jaemin, Lee Haechan, and Huang Renjun. But the three could not compare to the kindhearted Jeno that makes butterflies stir in your lower abdomen.

Over the months, you also had learned rather quickly that your sexually clouded mind had tricked you previously into thinking that Jeno’s stares were full of lust for you. His girlfriend makes it clear that it isn’t the case.

Although you have caught the couple making out several times when trying to use the bathroom, your feverish, impure attraction toward Jeno never calmed down.

“You’re looking very tempting tonight, baby.” Jeno’s beaming eye smile greets you, even after completely undressing you with his gaze. His arms are wide open to embrace your warm body.

The parties are always too hot to wear a fully clothed outfit. You often settle for a cute tank top and a short skirt to prevent your legs from collecting extra moisture. Jeno, without a fail, shows up in black jeans that clad his lower half, tucked with a simple white shirt. His tattoos and toned arms being on full display for you to admire.

“Better make sure your actual baby doesn’t hear that.” The loud beats of the music make Jeno’s chuckle almost inaudible, but his expression remains cheerful, as per usual. “Did you get into another fight?”

The fresh wound cut through his smooth complexion, which will eventually join the rest of his collection of fading scars. He mindlessly grazes over the new bandaging and dramatically winces. Clearly concerned, you grab his hand away from the injury. “Don’t touch it, stupid.”

His smile curves into a sly smirk, as he intertwines your fingers and kisses the back of your hand. “It doesn’t hurt at all.” His chest heaves into a fit of giggles, “just wanted to see you care for me.”

Groaning, you shake his massive hand off of your’s. “Very funny. I should start charging you for my attention.”

“Name your price, I got all the money in the world for you.” He winks, while lightly pinching your cheek. You are lying to yourself if you thought you could ever stay away from him. Jeno stirs up a part of you that craves the cheesy nicknames, flirty comments and the undivided attention.

He motions you to follow him into the mess of people. Almost as if he’s a god, the crowd parts for you two to walk through without unnecessary extra bodies. The fear that settles in many individuals’ chest is understandable.

Like your first impression, Jeno is a complete walking fanfiction trope. He negotiates better with his fists, usually with good reason. The guns of the Ridin’ Club, though, his friends are very much to be feared as well. They will not hesitate to run someone over, if given the heated situation to do so. And most definitely, you can count them to be backing up their fighter, Jeno.

You had not been mindful before of the chatter that regarded the secret Ridin’ Club. They are notorious for fast paced very illegal races in the middle of nowhere destinations and tempers that aren’t meant to be provoked. Besides their intimidating aura, it melts away after getting to know them.

Lee Haechan, the most annoying brat, but has the strongest, the most loyal bond to his boys. He’s also notably funny, often making you laugh with an exchange of banter.

Huang Renjun, the whiniest and initially quiet boy, but grows to be one of the loudest and will chew you out if anyone dares try engaging in verbal combat.

Na Jaemin, the flirty playboy who always has a swarm of girls, but the gentlest man with a soft spot for cute things.

And finally, Lee Jeno, the owner of your nights. He is the friendliest of them all, despite him being the toughest one. While his stare can kill, melting away his layers reveal the warmest heart. Not that Jeno is the only one to show initial interest in you, but he is the most considerate to the people he holds close to him.

He has taken care of you for many drunk nights and watched protectively over your intoxicated figure in the crowds. He makes you feel safe and seen, which are some of the many reasons you are entirely attracted to him.

“(Y/N)!” Jaemin’s scream pierce your ears the moment the blueberry catches your eye. He excitedly nudges the other two boys, who are busy pouring drinks into red cups.

“You’re going to make me spill it, idiot!” Renjun grumbles, but looks up to see your dazzling smile and tremendous excitement. His own smile grows, “so the life of the party finally decided to say hi.”

“Hi, my fanclub. I appreciate the long awaited greeting.” Your over the top, sarcasm causes all of them to chime loudly. Haechan hands you a cup and wraps his arm around your shoulders.

Jeno joins you at your side and the five of you clink your drinks to the ceiling. A fit of yells over the music and a competition of who can finish first. As per usual, you set your cup down after draining the entirety. The others are still chugging the burning liquid down their throats.

Haechan coughs after dropping his cup onto the counter. His face is twisted with the most disgusted contour, “I don’t know how you do it, (Y/N).”

“I already drank more than you guys, so it just tastes like water now.” You scream over the loud music. Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun toss their empty cups into the sink.

At this rate, you are completely blindsided by the effects of the alcohol as your legs give out to gravity. Jeno catches you quickly, holding your elbows and your head is placed on his shoulder. Jaemin chuckles lovingly, before helping Jeno balance you against the island. Your head feels heavy on your shoulders, as the room spins in front of you.

“You good?” Haechan pats your head gently, whispering close to you.

“I---” You try catching your breath after being winded. “--It’s hitting me now.”

Jeno wraps his arm around your lower waist to draw you close to him, “want to go sit down?” He mumbles into your hair. You nod, Jeno and Renjun supporting your limp body to walk over to the couch.

The dark living room is lit up only by colorful led lights, but it is not enough to make out much of anything. Everyone is in their own world, dancing and socializing within their own selves. The two men set you down on the cushion, but your impulse catches onto Jeno’s wrist before he leaves. Renjun is already lost in the crowd.

“Can I sit on your lap?” You pout cutely, all the shame in your body has been displaced with courage. Jeno’s eyes soften at your sudden request, and kisses the top of your forehead.

“The throne is all yours.” He says as he sits at your side and pulls you on top of his thick thighs. His arm is loosely dangling around your waist, resting on top of your thighs.

The intimate position causes your mind to wander into dark thoughts. His strong, sturdy legs feel delicious against your clothed core. While you’ve been in this position once before, you could never forget how protected, yet very horny it makes you feel.

“What’s on your mind, (y/n)?” Jeno’s deep voice brushes against your bare shoulder and you feel his chest press against your back. “You’ve been pretty silent tonight.”

You turn slightly to face him, “if I told you, I’m scared it would ruin things between us.”

“There’s nothing in the world that can hold me back from you.” He is always so quick to spill such alluring words. His soft lips graze lightly on your skin as his sparkling eyes look up at your expression.

All it takes is one more tiny kiss on your arm to get you grabbing his face, drawing him into a steamy, long awaited kiss. Surprisingly, he kisses you back, open mouth and tongue lapping with your’s. His hands reposition your legs to where you straddle him. Your faces dive deeper into each other’s as the kiss continues to intensify.

Jeno’s lips still have a hint of alcohol, but he mostly tastes like mint gum. And they are comparable to a cloud, the softest lips you have ever made out with. It is like kissing pure heaven, completely different from your boyfriend’s two second pecks. Jeno devours you in a needy way, like he’s been waiting to explore the wonders of your lips.

However, you pull away when you feel the vibration of his phone against your inner thigh, almost like a wake up call. As if all the liquid courage disappeared, you blink back in shock at Jeno’s plump wet lips. The thought of his girlfriend crosses your mind, and maybe slight guilt for your own boyfriend fills your system.

You quickly start getting up from his hot body, “fuck, I’m so sorry..” But his hands pull you back onto him, your legs finding their way open above his thighs again.

“Don’t be, I’ve always wondered what your lips would taste like.” A smirk, then a hearty chuckle relaxes your contracting nerves at the potential of a ruined friendship.

“But, your girlfriend..” Your tiny voice trails off and Jeno picks up your chin. His fingers rubbing along your jawline.

His eyes do another lap around your features. He admires your averting shy eyes, your beautiful lips, and how they all come together to make a stunning you.

There is no doubt in Jeno’s mind that he is very attracted to you. He knew it the moment you barged into the club meeting. You are his type of woman, a good mixture of confident and timidness. You like to have some fun, and aren't afraid to be bold. Not to mention, that you are incredibly hot and every time you flirt back just makes him melt inside.

“She won’t care. She hooks up with people all the time.” It puzzles you, all this time you had been holding yourself back from Jeno because he has a girlfriend. All to find out that the relationship isn’t as serious as you thought it to be.

“I know, it doesn’t make sense. But we aren’t two people to be tied down, but at the same time, we like each other enough to want to stay together.”

Your confused expression causes Jeno to laugh and ask, “what’s the dilemma with your boyfriend?”

Rolling your eyes at the mention of your boyfriend, you sigh, “it’s like we’re still together, but we aren’t at the same time. We’ve abandoned the relationship unknowingly.”

Jeno runs a warm hand up and down your thigh, while he listens intently to you. He nods, grabbing your waist to pull you over his groin. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“No, he’s a shitty person and an even shittier boyfriend. We literally haven’t fucked for the past year. I’m practically a virgin again.” His hand automatically gives your thigh a light squeeze.

Jeno’s eyes light up as you quickly cover your mouth out of embarrassment. A devilish smirk raises his cheekbone, and lust clouds his mind. Gauging his reaction, your cheeks turn hot.

“We’ll have to change that, don’t we? My baby must be all kinds of frustrated. Tell me, do you like when I touch you then?” Jeno drops in tempo, usually when he wants to be more intimidating with a deeper voice.

You clear your throat intending to speak, but you can only nod your head in response. “C’mon, (Y/N). Use your words, like a big girl.” Even with the loud music and continuous chatter, you can hear Jeno‘s taunting whisper.

His words tickle your collarbone as he runs his lips against your neck. Your heart is pumping rapidly at the turn of events, as if the possibility of having something beyond a kiss from Jeno is more than possible at this rate.

Jeno enjoys your small whimpers as he marks your neck with purple love bites. Right in the center of the crowded room, Lee Jeno is just casually giving you hickeys.

“Yes, I love that you can’t keep your hands off of me.”

Almost immediately, you can feel his lips curve into a smile on your skin. Pop! Jeno marvels the darkness against your skin in the mood lighting. A small part of him hopes you do end up seeing your boyfriend sometime soon, so he can see who you really belong to.

“How about we try touching like this?” Jeno pushes you down hard against his pelvis, the veins on his hands becoming evident from the grip and the tiny drawings permanently staining his fingers.

You gasp the moment you feel Jeno’s hip begin to move underneath you to the beat of the song. He rolls your hips rhythmically to match his speed. His clothed hard on can be felt through the only barrier you have on --- your panties.

The thin fabric is soon drenched in your juices after the continuous friction up and down his length. You throw your head back to every bump against your clit, the electrifying feeling enact more of your wetness to puddle.

You can’t believe you were grinding against Jeno in the middle of a full party, as if his friends aren’t a few feet away. It is a good thing that your skirt pools around both of your waists to conceal the dirty deed underneath.

Jeno’s lip escapes under his top row of teeth as he rubs his clothed length against your barely covered pussy. He can feel his jeans dampening from your wetness and his eyes roll to the back of his head from how the feeling of wanting you consumes his body. He really becomes uncontrollable when it comes to you.

This is the most sexual activity you have had with another person for over a year. Jeno just looks absolutely heavenly intoxicated with lust, and your mouth waters at how big his cock must be. You can feel his length the harder Jeno rolls against you, and it is definitely bigger than your boyfriend’s.

You are trying so hard to stay quiet and unnoticeable, but the pleasure seeps out every crevice. Jeno is trained on you as your hand reaches up to cover your mouth, the muffled whimpers escaping your lips uncontrollably.

“I’m so close.” You admit, your body jolting every time his jean button grazes against your sensitive bud.

Jeno moves you over his thigh, forgetting his incredibly hard dick straining in his jeans. As long as you are satisfied, he can care less about his own pleasure. A low scream erupts from your throat when he flexes against you.

His thigh is much more stable, with more control for consistency. You quickly notice the dark, wet spot on his jeans and you blush even harder. Your underwear clings onto you from the excessive moisture, but Jeno continues to help you finish.

The strands of hair cover your face, but Jeno needs to see your fucked out expression. He is taken aback when you start riding his thigh faster, grinding harder without the aid of his hands.

His mouth hangs slightly open in awe at your neediness, he truly did not know the extent of your sexual frustrations. Oh, but how he is incredibly turned on by you getting off on him.

“I want you to cum for me, you deserve it.” Jeno brings you in for another passionate kiss. The mixture of his tongue sucking harshly on yours, and the friction on your clit are more than enough to reach your climax.

Your legs clenched tightly around Jeno’s thigh. The small knot in your stomach that built, drops like the beat playing in the background. The feeling of white is familiar, but it is more intense than when you would touch yourself. You are finally receiving the pleasure from someone else’s touch, someone who wants you to unravel for him.

Jeno pulls away from your lips, kissing down your neck and collarbones as your chest heaves for air. His palm soothes your shaking legs as your climax subsides. You fall into his arms, and he laughs. The reality that you two just did that publicly registers in both of your minds.

Digging your shy face further into Jeno’s shoulder, he whispers lovingly, “let me drive you home.”

“Are you still drunk?” The muffled question tickles Jeno’s neck.

“I think you beautifully cumming on my thigh sobered me up.” He jokes and you quickly cover his mouth. Your heart practically stops and you hope no one else heard him.

It is silly that you are now self conscious, as if the whole room didn’t just watch you and Jeno grind on the couch. But, the feeling of embarrassment and regret lingers in your stomach. You mentally thank the dark room for concealing both of your identities.

“I’m sorry for your jeans.” A pout begs for forgiveness as you stare at Jeno’s beaming smile. He takes your hand off of his mouth, not forgetting to give your fingertips a lingering kiss.

“I’m sorry for your boyfriend. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” Jeno parts your hair from your neck, admiring the marks he left on you. A small sense of pride builds inside of him, accompanied by a tiny bundle of possessiveness.

“Let me say goodbye to the boys and I’ll take you home.”

Nodding, Jeno carefully lifts you off of him and onto the cushion. He leans over to kiss your cheek. As he gets up, you see the darker shades on his jeans from your doing. However, Jeno is completely unbothered and continues to find his friends.

Now that you are alone, you feel a bit nervous that someone would come up to you and talk about what they saw. Checking your phone, your screen blinds you with absolutely no notifications from your boyfriend. Going on social media is worse, as you scroll to see that your boyfriend posted a photo.

It is a photo of his hot, red polished car. He obnoxiously posed squatting next to the front wheel, his lips puckered up and kissing the rims. With a caption that makes every regret in your body disappear, “with my one and only.”

The phone is tossed somewhere else, wishing to delete the image from your memory. Your eyes wander around the room, when they spot a suspicious man sneakily dropping a small pill in an unattended drink. He, then, looks up and catches your stare. Caught red handed.

But the male smugly smirks, “you’re going to pretend you didn’t see that, like how half of this room pretended to not see you grinding on Jeno.”

“You’re complete scum, I can’t believe you just roofied someone’s drink.” You yell in utter disbelief at the unwavering man. His disgusting smirk changes into a menacing smile.

He approaches you, his height allowing him to tower above. You gulp, scared at how he can easily overpower you at any second.

“And what are you going to do about it? What? Jeno didn’t loosen you up enough?” His revolting hot breath beating down your nose, invading every corner of your personal space.

Before you can find any insult to speak back, his figure goes flying sideways and out of your face. It’d be a lie to not admit your heart skipping a beat at the sight of Jeno’s clenched fists and locked jaw. His sharp gaze watches as the stranger gets up from the ground, inflammation already growing on his left cheek.

“Dude, what the fuck!” He shouts angrily, holding his cheekbone as he winces at the pain. Immediately, the conversations are replaced with gasps, and small whispers at the sight. People gather around the living room to see the commotion. Even you are unsure how to react to the sudden fight.

The other man lunges at Jeno with full force, but Jeno stops him by grabbing the man’s collar, “this,” Jeno punches his lip, busting it open, “is for dropping a roofie in someone’s drink.”

The stranger groans at the impact, but still gets up with a fist straight for Jeno’s gut. Watching Jeno take a blow is much more difficult than you had been expecting.

He crouches over from the punch, but quickly regains his composure to put the man in a headlock. A few more gasps erupt and wonder if you should stop him before he does something unnecessarily stupid.

“This,” the man squirms to try to get out of Jeno’s iron grip, “is for disrespecting my babygirl.” And with a shift snap, the male falls limp and unconscious.

A surprised intake of air and Jeno peers up at your scared expression. He calmly walks over to you, ignoring the swarm of people that had gathered around the scene. He can only see one thing — you. Jeno’s wandering eyes try to read your expression, but all he sees is a terrified girl.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, are you okay, (Y/N)?”

Blinking blankly for a few moments, you are mortified at the laying body, “what did you do to him?”

Jeno looks back at the stranger casually, “I put him to sleep for a bit. He’ll wake up in about 20 minutes.”

A rush of reassurance washes over you knowing that he is alive and Jeno didn’t just kill someone in front of you. You exhale all the anxiousness and nerves,

“thank you for stepping in.”

“I don’t fight without a good reason. You are more than a perfect reason to fight for.” He pinches your cheek cutely, and his tough exterior fades away yet again.

His famous eye smile that warms your insides is back as if the scary, intimidating expression didn’t exist a few seconds ago. Jeno’s good sides only appear with you. Nevertheless, you are happy to know how special you are to see them.

“Violence is never the answer.” He nods, only taking it for a grain of salt. “Are you okay? It looked like stringbean knocked some wind out of your gut.”

The teddy bear thrusts himself forward into a fit of laughter, his head resting on your lap. His melody lights every dark corner inside of you. “He did get a good punch in there, didn’t he?”

His rumbling laughter stops, and he peers up at you. “I can’t believe you were still worried about a complete asshole.”

Scoffing, you break the shared gaze. “I’m a compassionate human being.” Jeno stands up, extending his hand for you to take.

“I know, you’re the best kind of person.” He genuinely means it with the way his tone remains quite stern, eye contact unwavering. He is revealing more of his intimate parts, and in return, you wish for him to see your’s.

Silence drowns out all the commotion between you two. Jeno grows shy at the way the galaxies reflect in your stare. “I--” Never once, did you think you would witness Lee Jeno stammer over his words. “I-I, let’s-- I want to take you for a drive.”

To Jeno, a drive to him is equivalent to your hand in marriage. Even his own girlfriend has never been on a drive with him. It is a big part of his personality, given that he is a crucial member of the Ridin’ Club. However, out of all of them, he is the last one to flaunt his hobby. It is special, almost sacred to his entire being.

“Me?” It is the dumbest question to ask, but you really want to clarify his intentions. Before this night, you two were barely considered friends. You two never saw each other outside of the late night parties.

But now, Lee Jeno wants to take you on a drive. It makes you wonder if the desire of companionship is mutual, that he too pines to further your relationship.

“I’m not looking at anyone else,” Jeno still waiting for your hand and holding an intense eye contact. His heart lays exposed for you, just right on his sleeve. An innocence paints his usual intimidating aura, “let me show my special girl, what is special to me.”

He must possess some magic because he knows every way to make you swoon. And like that, your palm meets his and he locks his fingers between yours.

The moment you enter Jeno’s striking, eye catching car, you automatically relax into the leather seats. His pristine car matches his personality --- simple, but captivating. Your boyfriend’s car is the exact opposite, which is why you never enjoy sitting in it.

Jeno has pieces of himself that scatter his car, like an adorable small plushie that watches out the back window. A beaded lanyard dangles from his rear view mirror. It even matches his scent of a deep ocean breeze.

Unlike your boyfriend’s obnoxious details, Jeno did not have a light up stereo that flashed annoyingly to every beat drop in a song. Instead, a sweet lilac color illuminates at your feet, along with his.

“You like what you see?” Jeno catches you astonish at the tiny aspects of the interior.

“Of course, it’s yours. It’s exactly like how I would imagine it to be.” Jeno is proud, hearing you praise his car. Even he can admit, it is a bit weird to be so connected to an inanimate object.

Nevertheless, his car, racing, driving became a huge part of his life. And unlike his friends, he feels rather shy and slightly embarrassed for being such a geek.

But hearing you actually appreciating the small details of his car when you probably hate every aspect of racing due to your boyfriend’s doing, it makes him feel very happy.

Maybe happy is an understatement, more like overjoy at how you freely can recognize the things that make him content. You respect him, and are mindful that as mundane as a car is, you know that it is something important to him.

Silence becomes the majority of the ride out of the quiet, suburban neighborhood. While Jeno’s eyes remain focused on the road ahead, you are concentrated on him.

He drives with one hand on the wheel as he rests his elbow on the middle console. His eyebrow creases here and there. It is the most normal, mundane activity anyone can do --- drive. That is all he is doing, yet the effect it suddenly has on you can not go unnoticed.

Abruptly, with the rev of the engine and a press on the gas, the car practically flies on the empty freeway. It catches you off guard, causing you to hold onto the grab handle. Jeno peeks over at your shocked figure, and smiles to himself.

“Relax, (Y/N).” He calls your name, reaching over to rub your thigh as a way to calm your anxiousness. Automatically, your hand grips onto his for support and the other one drops from the handle.

Exhaling, your eyes are trained ahead. The car is moving so fast that you can’t even make out anything around you. Everything becomes nothing, but colorful streaks against a dark background. The gravity against your chest feels crushing.

“How-- How fast are you going?”

Jeno glances at the speedometer and intertwines your fingers into his own. “I don’t think I should tell you that, you might actually have a heart attack.”

The window rolls down and you are hit with rumbling wind, “I know you’re scared right now, so stick your head out the window and take a deep breath.”

You look at him in pure fear, “what?! I can’t even move, let alone stick my head out the window!”

Jeno shakes his head, “trust me. Please, trust me.” He needs you to experience the same thrill he does. His own adrenaline is through the roof, out the entire atmosphere of the vehicle. The amount of joy he is experiencing became tenfold now that you are sitting beside him.

You trust him and very meticulously, go against the wind. Your hair crazily dances along with the rush and your eyes water from being dried out. Adjusting to the pressure, you also stick your hand out the window. It whips backward, but you feel the wind slip between your fingers.

The rise in heartbeat and excitement pump through your veins. The beauty in the white streaks that create a runway, it is nothing but you and the open space. There is no other way to explore it, except at a high pace. You understand why Jeno loved it so much.

Jeno bounces between the road and half of your figure out his window. Your eyes are closed initially, before you barely squint open. Tears fly by with strands of your hair, but you start to move your hand to physically feel the thrill pass between your fingers.

Then he sees it in the side mirror: the sweet curve in your lips he loves the most and the wideness of life in your eyes. It only makes him press the gas harder.

“That was incredible! You should take me riding with you more.” You marvel at him as he starts the route to your place. It is complete playfulness that hints in your tone because you are aware of how sacred these are to him. Nevertheless, a part of you still hopes he agrees to do so.

Jeno nods, “only because I like you,” He pauses, gauging your reaction with his side eye gaze, “a lot.”

Your heart sinks to an unsettling place in your stomach. Jeno could not possibly be serious, however, his tone no longer matches the playfulness of your own. It almost seems like he is telling the truth. But you didn’t want to believe that.

Your eyes make a full circle before settling at the disappearing sidewalks, “stay in your lane, Jeno.” It is to keep the mood still light, you and Jeno aren’t ones to be serious.

His hand has been on your thigh for the whole night, whether it be out of habit or comfort. His touch is always welcoming and warm, but suddenly, you feel the small squeeze on your flesh. Turning your attention on his face, you can see how a smirk has grown.

“But yours seems much more fun.” Immediately, your stomach leaps with somersaults. Your throat gets dry and tight, not anticipating that response.

“Beside, you can’t act like we both haven’t swerved. It was barely moments ago that you were cum---”

“---No need to further explain.”

“And I’d proudly do it again.” His voice drops several decibels and his hand slowly snakes it’s way up your thigh. All the while, his eyes still on the road ahead.

You gulp as every heartbeat constricts your throat. Lifting the ends of your skirt higher to expose more, you secretly want Jeno to cause your legs to shake again. “D-Do what again?”

Jeno perks up to the sweetness of curiosity in your tone. He pulls up to a red stoplight, being able to finally look over to your innocent face and needy hands gripping the cute, thin fabric. He stares deeply into your eyes, “make my baby cum.”

Similarly to the stoplight, you give Jeno the green light to pull your panties to the side. You spread your legs wide as his finger massages your pussy lips. He gets dangerously close to your erect clit, barely skimming over it.

A needy, yet delicate moan escapes your lips and Jeno’s jaw tightens. He’s more upset that he’s missing the view of your legs spread, open mouth in ecstasy, half lid eyes all in the passenger seat of his car. He hopes for another red light, just so he can peek over at your delicious figure.

“Jeno, please touch me.” Your voice is airy and desperate. He hummed in response, completely withdrawing his hand from your core. However, you catch his wrist and bring it to rest on your inner thigh. “Please.”

The distinct beg in your tone drives him crazy. As he dips his finger into your sudden wetness, a shiver runs up your spine. Right when he applies minimal pressure on your bundle of nerves, you jolt and close your thighs around his hand.

One touch already feels too good to be true, that finally someone, Lee fucking Jeno, is actually touching your nakedness. Peering down, Jeno’s arm is flexing in between your legs. His veins popping ever so slightly and his tattoos paint his smooth skin.

“Open your legs, babe.” His low devilish chuckle rumbles in your lower abdomen. “Let me give you the lovin’ you’ve been deprived of.”

You shudder at his cadence and slowly pry open your legs. Jeno stops at a red light and gets to see your reaction as he rubs you in a fast rhythmic pace. A soft cry yelps from your throat and you have to grip the handle to keep yourself from spazzing out any further.

Almost like a trance, he doesn’t notice that the light turns green. He’s locked into the sight of your contorting body. Your hips have a mind of its own, yet again, as Jeno feels you rolling deeper into his touch.

“Poor baby, you’re so touch starved that you can’t control yourself.”

“It feels better when you do it.” You whine, your lip being bruised from your biting. But your eyes notice the green illumination and you blink over at Jeno.

He is practically drooling at the sight of you, his eyes are trained at your needy hips and dripping wet core that soaks his fingers. You stop every urge to steal more kisses from him.

Jeno briefly recovers from the trance and steps on the gas. He takes this opportunity to ease a finger into the core, causing you to exclaim and squeeze around his digit. “Oh fuck, you’re so tight.”

“More, Jeno.” The way his name rolls off of your tongue makes his heart flutter and his dick to raise in his jeans. Without much hesitation, he slowly slips in another finger and you moan at the stretch. Pumping and curling, he ensures that you are enjoying every action.

His fingers curl against your plushy flesh and your legs spread wider for him to go deeper. You’re a moaning mess when he curls up to your sweet spot, rubbing his fingertips quickly. The familiar queasy feeling builds in your lower regions, and Jeno becomes merciless with his fingers.

He guides them in and out of you, feeling your tightness release and invite him back in. The sloppy wet noises fill the car and drown out the engine. Your half lidded eyes bounce at Jeno’s unbothered figure and the entire scene seems absolutely unbelievable to you.

One hand on the wheel. The other knuckles deep in your pussy. Eyes focus on the road ahead. A comfortable man spread. His hair is messy from the long night.

It is all too unbelievable, that Jeno’s already giving you a second climax of the night when you could barely get one in a year before. And he loves touching you as much as he loves driving.

However, the guilty raises as fast as the ball of tension in your gut. You two pull up in front of your apartment building, while Jeno’s tugging his fingers against your flesh aggressively. In a split second, you hold onto his wrist to stop him.

He shifts into park when the car settles into a spot and peers over to you. A curious expression daunts onto him, rather concern that he might have been too much. “I’m starting to feel guilty.”

Jeno nods, and retrieves his fingers out of your dripping core. The feeling of emptiness causes all the built up pressure to dissipate.

“I understand,” he begins, but pauses at the sight of your sticky juices glistening on his fingers. Your eyes widen as he licks them clean, a soft moan escaping from the back of his throat.

The small action spikes your heart rate and you rub your legs together. With a pop! Jeno hums delightfully, “baby, you taste so good. I’m a little sad I won’t be tasting more, especially directly from the source.” His lustful eyes glance down at your thighs and back to your profile.

“I’ll walk you up to your apartment.” He says way too casually, unbuckling his seat belt. A mixture of emotions are running through your head. There is guilt, but lust is too powerful to ignore, especially when it’s Lee Jeno. The damage is already done, right? It’s not like it wasn’t moments ago that you humped him in the middle of a party.

“Wait,” your hands find themselves gripping onto his leather jacket tightly. Jeno gently reaches over to release your strong grip and replaces the leather with his hand.

“Yes, babygirl?” Jeno’s round, friendly eyes meet yours. The lust clouded darkness is no longer there. His hand feels hot and somewhat rough.

“I’m going to break up with my boyfriend, so promise me, you’re not going to dip out of my life afterwards… I don’t need you to be anything more than a friend. I just can’t lose you too.”

He turns around in his seat to face you comfortably. “I don’t think you’ve noticed, but I can’t stay away from you, let alone have the ability to leave you.” He reassures you with a soothing and calm tone. His thumb draws circles around your knuckles. “I’m always going to be your friend, whether or not I know how you taste.”

“Do you still want to try it … you know, from the source?” You shyly ask, an innocence embodying your gaze and voice cadence.

Jeno raises an eyebrow, a smirk on his lips. “I’d love to, only if you let me.”

Instantly, you shift to get on your lower back. Jeno watches as you excitedly position yourself open for him and actually finds your eagerness quite adorable. Your left leg bends behind the driver’s seat and your right rests on the dashboard.

He hooks his arms underneath your thighs to pull you forward towards him and your whole body slides against the leather. With a slow lift, your skirt reveals your drenched panties. Rolling them off and tossing them to the back seat, he lays eyes on your still dripping pussy. Jeno takes a second to admire your flower, this being his first time he’s seen such a private part of you.

“You’re beautiful, you know that right?” He chuckles deeply, before his tongue licks a long strip up to your clit. You exclaim out of the tingling pleasure that seized your insides.

He flattens his tongue against your bundle of nerves, flicking and circling. His finger enters your pussy again, curling up to rub at the same pace he is licking. The pure sight of Jeno’s head in between your legs is enough for butterflies to explode.

His sole motive is to make you feel good. There is nothing else in the world that he wants at this moment beside pleasure to overtake your body. Jeno eats you out like he hasn’t had a meal in months. His mouth wraps around your clit. The mixture of his flicks and sucks cause electric bolts to run down your legs.

You get more wet as Jeno pumps his finger in and out of your hole. Your juices are practically dripping onto the interior of the car, but Jeno doesn’t care.

He fucking loves it. He loves the taste of you lingering on his tongue. Your breathless moans. Your waterfall dripping on uncontrollably. The view of you unwinding because of him. Nothing can be more perfect.

Running your hands through his messy locks, you press him closer into you. A devilish smile draws on his face as he flicks his tongue side to side. “Oh, fuck! I’m.. so c--close.”

Your back arches upward into Jeno’s mouth, feeling his muscle lick harder and faster on your throbbing clit. He adds a second finger, and the simultaneous stimulation practically throws you into another dimension. The pleasure overtakes your entire lower half, your legs trembling from pure ecstasy as you approach your orgasm.

“Don’t stop, I’m going to---” Then, Jeno pulls away and shoves his tongue into your warmth. A gasp hits the air as he also continues to rub circles on your sensitive nerves. His tongue fucked your pussy incredibly skillfully and deliciously. With this switch, your legs violently shake and try clamping together.

However, his strength holds you wide and open for display. A low grunt follows suit as his dark eyes zone in on your contoured facial expressions. Then, the white light blind you once again and the ball of tension unravels itself on Jeno’s tongue. Squirming and screaming, your hips buck forward on their own.

It is close to being too catastrophic, this being the most intense orgasm you’ve had after a whole year. Nevertheless, the satisfaction is right on the tips of your toes and you greedily indulge in the euphoric moment. Jeno feels your walls squeeze around his muscle as he laps every last bit of you up.

He is absolutely addicted to your juices, making sure he catches every drop. Finally pulling away, he wipes the extra drip on the back of his hand. Jeno blinks at your raising chest and limp legs. Chuckling, his warm hand massages feeling back into your body.

“Do you want me to carry you back up?” His hoarse, raspy voice wakes you from your post orgasm daydream. You flutter your lashes at him fondly and happily nod at his offer.

Getting out of the car, Jeno walks over to the passenger side and your arms rest nicely around his neck. His palms support your butt, but also smoothing your skirt over to cover your decency. A poke against your outer thigh makes you realize that Jeno is strained against his jeans.

“I can take care of you too.” You pout cutely at Jeno, but he shakes his head.

“It’s not about me tonight. It’s about you.” Leaving a soft kiss on your cheek, his eyes turn into moon crescents from his lovable smile. The kind, friendliness makes an appearance again.

Or so you think! In a sheer second, Jeno’s deep voice rumbles your stomach and his hooded eyes pierce your soul, “next time though, I’m fucking you real good, babe.”

You hum in response. Saliva collects in your mouth, already looking forward to more of Jeno. But a chilly draft brushes up your exposed area as Jeno carries you up the flight of stairs.

“Wait, Jeno… I don’t have my underwear on.” The ‘Level 3’ sign is in view as Jeno turns to walk.

He only laughs and shrugs nonchalantly, “it’s better that way anyways.” Without another word, he continues upward to your floor and you playfully punch his solid chest. In all honesty, that’s not going to be the only time you leave behind your panties in his beloved car.

Your hatred for the notorious Ridin’ Club subside after such a wild night. If anything, you owe it all to your shitty ex-boyfriend for joining such a ridiculous club. Without him and the club’s existence, who knows if Lee Jeno would’ve still swerve into your lane.

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otterplusharchive · 4 years

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rey! do you have any recs for kdramas? i have never watched any, but i like lovable characters and romance ? thank you in advance!

I DO IN FACT HAVE DRAMA RECS HII not all of these will be kdramas, but ill start with the kdramas ive watched and enjoyed and ill include all the warnings for them that i can remember off the top of my head and a brief synopsis for u!

kdramas-

1. weight lifting fairy kim bok joo

this was probably one of the first kdramas i saw people post about in like 2015 and i watched a little bit of it in 2016 but then only just got around to finishing it last year. the basic gist of it is its about a young sports college weight lifter, kim bok joo, centering around her navigating through her life and trying to figure out who she is and what she wants in life and what she wants to be. her romantic interest in the show is a swimmer and they have a sort of rivals to friends to lovers, he is SO in love with her and its adorable. i absolutely loved the side characters in this show theyre all so fun and kim bok joos best friends and weight lifting team are especially delightful. my main warning would be that this show addresses eating disorders and theres a lot of mention of both weight gain and weight loss, theres also a plot point early on where kim bok joo has a crush on her eventual love interests older brother but it gets resolved and the older brother literally goes "i didnt realize you had a crush on me and if i knew that i wouldnt have been so friendly with you, it would be completely innapropriate for us to be in a relationship". overall its a really sweet and emotional fun show but if you have issues with weight talk id skip this one

2. tale of the nine tailed

this one is really recent from last year and i didnt expect to be so hooked by it but boy howdy did i get attached to all the characters and the wild plot. it feels hard to explain the plot but basically a nine tailed fox named lee yeon is living in modern day seoul and is working for the underworld finding paranormal spirits/creatures/other rogue foxes that are causing havoc on the world, hes resigned himself to living this life while waiting for his girlfriend who died tragically 600 years ago to come back to life because he traded his status as a mountain god in order to ensure that her soul would one day be reincarnated. a plucky investigative journalist named nam ji ah figures out that hes not human and shenanagins ensue because she looks exactly like his dead girlfriend oooooo whatll happen. the plot beyond that gets really wild and its hard to explain and is easier to just watch. if u enjoy paranormal adventures this one is good. my one big complaint and issue with this is that the immortal mountain spirit meets his original girlfriend when shes a child and she continues to visit him off and on as she grows up which is Hm I Dont Like That! but thankfully the present time romance our female lead meets him when shes about 30 if im remembering right. also warnings for general fantasy violence, references to child abuse, animal death, and abandonment issues

3. extraordinary you

HUGE unreality warning for this. if you have issues with feeling unreal or have paranoia/delusions about not being a real person id avoid this one just because of its premise

ok i know i said tale of the nine tailed was a hard plot to explain but BOY extraordinary you is even HARDER to explain. because its so wild but so good. its about a girl who realizes that she is literally a side character in a comic book, and the story becomes her trying to change the story to save her character from dying but it becomes a lot more than that. the romance in this is literally tooth achingly sweet and the show itself is very pretty, i loved the side characters in this one and the show was engaging and interesting to watch it became really layered and meta. super reccomend this one honestly. my main issues/warnings that i can remember off the top of my head were just one character being the classic controlling boyfriend stereotype, bullying someone specifically for being poor, unreality like i mentioned before, and then at the very end there was this love interest for a side character who got reincarnated from a past piece of writing that they had been in and put in the comic but she was a student and he was the school cook which is weird but thankfully they like barely interact at all and theres no real romance he just like recognizes her and its barely a thing at the end of the show but its still weird

4. mystic pop up bar

big warning for suicide, sexual harrasment (which is framed as being bad and the guy whos harrassing the girl literally gets thrown off a roof)

i havent finished this one yet and thats mainly because im not emotionally ready because this one makes me soooo emotional. if you like found family this is a good one. its about a pop up bar run by a woman whos been tasked with solving the problems of a certain amount of people in order to atone for her crimes in the past before dying, shes able to enter the dreams of people and solve their issues using the information she gets in the dreams. paranormal shenanagins ensue, she acquires a son and a husband and it kills me its so fun and quirky and fun despite handling dark themes and peoples problems. also very sweet the found family murders me

5. kingdom (netflix original)

i literally am not going to be able to watch any other zombie media because kingdom and train to busan are the best pieces of zombie media ive ever seen. warnings for gore and violence and just general horror aspects.

i absolutely love this one its so thrilling and well done, i love the acting and the way that this show looks its absolutely gorgeous. a zombie plague breaks out in joseon period korea where the emperor has died and then was brought back to life by the queen and her father in a ploy to try and keep their family in political power, the crown prince must find answers. a lot more happens and its very dramatic and good i love the characters in this one

cdramas

1. the untamed. if you follow me and you havent watched the untamed im begging you to watch the untamed. literally one of the most beautiful stories ive experienced in my life i am not joking when i say i cried multiple times over it. the main characters are canonically gay in love and have a son together please watch the untamed. handles a lot of dark themes, heres a tw guide

2. the sleuth of the ming dynasty

this is another one i havent finished but its fun so far, very gay, found family, food, and solving murder mysteries during the ming dynasty

3. hikaru no go (also known as qi hun)

havent finished this one, there is some propaganda about hong kong in the first episode but as far as i know thats the only instance of something like that in the show

this ones about the game go and so far its very sweet and fun, local boy awakens a ghost who was a master of the game of go hundreds of years ago and eventually is persuaded to learn how to play go with the aid of the ghost. im really liking this one so far its very cute and i love the characters in it. if youve watched the untamed nie huaisangs actor ji li is in this one!

4. the legend of yunqian

this ones very short and on youtube, all the episodes are about 5 minutes long and its a lesbian time travel fantasy adventure with a happy ending! funny and cute

jdramas

1. cherry magic

please please please watch cherry magic. the premise sounds very much like a weird yaoi kind of thing but trust me on this. trust me. it is so heart warming and sweet and i was so emotional about it and the growth of the main character.

adachi gains the power to read peoples minds on his 30th birthday based off a urban legend that if youre a 30 year old virgin that youll become a wizard. after gaining this power he accidentally finds out that his extremely popular and handsome coworker has a crush on him, and shenanagins ensue along with adachi having blossoming feelings in return. this show was really refreshing in a lot of ways, adachi is a main character who like.. is unsure of himself and insecure in a very kind of realistic way, he closes himself off and is afraid to reach out to people and through the course of the show we see him slowly come out of his shell and realize that hes likeable and lovable and that people want to be around him and its so nice to see. my main complaint about this show is that i dont really like the background couple, but otherwise this is a very sweet and refreshing gay romance that has a happy ending!

some others that i myself havent seen but that ive seen people talk about a lot and that i want to watch eventually:

- the legend of fei (cdrama)

- the wolf (cdrama)

- gaurdian (cdrama, not the kdrama one called goblin)

- healer (kdrama, i did watch some of this one but it was in 2016 and i never finished it so i barely remember any of it but i do remember liking it)

- nobody knows (kdrama)

- its ok to not be ok (kdrama)

sorry this is so long but i hope youll be able to find a drama u enjoy!!

#long post

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yikeen · 4 years

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oh is it mari compliment hour ... i was SO excited 2 write with u on goro and i'm so excited to write with u again here !!! every time i see u on my dash or in my dms i'm like 👉👈🥺 bc you are so much fun to talk to ! got that cloudleslie brainrot and if not for u i literally would not have made leslie jGNDMGDFJGK ok goodbye

CUPID I’D LTIERALLY DIE FOR YOU OH MY GOD... im so happy we reconnected again i was so shy but you’re honestly SUCH a dear and so funny and talented writer and artist n incredibly sweet😭 i was waiting for the right moment to go off about how much i admire the way you grabbed leslie n went hmm you are my oc now actually becus all the thought you’ve poured into him, his characterization, little mannerisms, his background....like i genuinely forget he’s a minor chara i’m serious KJTEGJ.. i get so excited when we write its unreal esp since i rly love your writing style and the way you’ve captured his voice🥺 OK ILL STOP NOW JUST KNOW I LOVE U AND LESLIE AAAAAAA

#reuinlies #*rules playing in the bg as i go off about how much i lvoe you* 🥺#''if not for u i literally would not have made leslie'' TELL ME WHY DID THIS MAKE ME TEAR UP?#save.

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ask-art-student-prussia · 6 years

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You’re one of the only Hetalia art blogs still active that I absolutely love! Do you know any more of them?

Actually!!! I spent the past week sitting on this question, but im finally able to compile (most of) i have a bad memory and theres just so many, you see) the hetalia artists ive admired. ill write up a little blurb on each so you can know what to expect

warning, this is super long

I’m going to list my fav Prussia focused artists first:

@theknoflook is SO SO SO good at capturing the worn/rough-round-the-edges Prussia and they’re 100% the BEST at drawing the aged feel of him. They draw a lot of characters with human imperfections, it’s just such a RAW emotion I feel from each drawing.

@maplevogel I’ve admired since I was like,,, 13. You have no idea how much I want to be able to draw like them. Their watercolour illustrations are KICKASS!! They have such a sense of mystical-ness to each piece, everything is so unreal in what they draw it gives me such a sense of calm-ness. Constantly they’re using watercolour to it’s full extent, im EXTREMELY floored and always have been.

@mieudiary is another person ive admired since i was a absolute baby. Their art teeters on anime-realism and their use of lighting, shading and blending is SOOOO GOOD. They’re able to make their characters so real yet overly gorgeous lol. They’ve got the best damn detail in form/muscles (flesh) ive ever seen.

@kisamesfacioplegia is LITERALLY DRAWING RENAISSANCE PAINTINGS OKAY. Their art is always refined and carries the same aura as those huge paintings you find in museums, with extremely good storytelling and illustrations. Best historical prussia and germany on this site imo.

@carnagekiid (i dont know if they do aph anymore but their recent work is JUST AS GOOD) has the cutest modern interpretation of gil and is my fav. i personally am not a fan of like,,, the “ideal” canon prussia, and the way they draw emotion/use of colours (for all their work) with prussia has that like,,, UMMF of character, yknow what i mean??? they focus on ruspru i think but idk lol

Okay those are just the best prussia’s ive seen, heres some more general hetalia artists that focus on other characters

@payadraws is quite possibly my FAVOURITE HETALIA ARTIST???? IF NOT AT LEAST IN THE TOP 3 BC THEIR STUFF IS SO GOOD AND STYLIZED PERFECTLY. their linework is stunning, and colouring has that tone over all of it that harmonizes the whole piece. The way their utilize their style in everything is PERFECt, idk how to use words for it, just take a look. Their austria/switzerland is deadass on-the-money.

@tomato-bird Literally how does one even manage to do this. theyre professional and it fucking SHOWS. Each composition, each stroke of their pen, it shows dude. Their art has like,,, the emotions, the feeling, is really well executed and they have so much attention to detail it blows my fucking mind. like ,,, this gives of hard renaissance level mastery vibes

@paperdrawsshit is SO GOOD at using that like,,,, the form/silhouette of characters. like,, the shapes they use, the flow of each pose, the hands, ALL OF IT SCREAMS PERFECTION. Each drawing has such flow and structure at the same time, and each character has such a pretty fashion sense. Excellent use of lighting and i strive to be as good as them in drawing people

@jackce THIS ARTIST HAS LIKE.,, SUCH A CLEAN CUT ART STYLE ITS GORGEOUS. Each drawing has the smoothest lines and the characters have distinct features. Their prussia, italy and germany styles stand out so much because of the way they draw the noses, jaw, features etc. Like they look like screenshots out of a professional 2d animated feature. Seriously.

@starstray (not sure if they draw hetalia anymore but i need to tell yall about them anyway) has such gorgeous like,,, composition. like if you dug through a collection of paintings from the renaissance you’ll find a few of theirs scattered in their. The use of like,,, linework paired with the way they colour is so perfectly executed. its so balanced im shaking

@amazing-prussia has the cutest, quirkiest style with what they draw. the hair/clothes are so stylized and fluid and i love them so much!! Each drawing looks so quick and perfected, every time I see one of their pruaus doodles i fucking DIE.

@glass-soda has such gorgeous illustrative style. It’s so unique and the way they colour and draw people have this wonderful POP to it. The colours are so balanced and bright, its so SO!!!!!! LOVELY. LIKE,, IDK HOW TO KEEP FROM RAMBLING ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM JUST LOOK.

@ask-risorgimento-italy (ack, dont know their main sorry) Their illustrations are so well done, you can see the thought and practice in each character!! and i love the “realistic” feel to it. I say that about characters who dont have like,,, idk “anime hair”?? but not only the hair, the clothes, the form, the ENVIRONMENT. THIS ARTIST KICKS ASS WITH THEIR ENVIRONMENT BUILDING. LOTS OF DEPTH. ABSOLUTE LEGEND.

@hetapolis !!!!! THEIR ART IS SO CLEAN AND SKETCHY AND BEAUTIFUL. OKAY. Shading/colouring is GORGEOUS. and the way they draw each character to be distinct and have unique features ITS SUPER PROFESH AND LOOKS AMAZIGN!! I admire their style so much yall got no idea

@thedisappointedidealist12 has REALLY GOOD LINEWORK/STORYTELLING. LIKE WOW. Every time i see something theyve drawn im shaking bc the pacing and execution is AMAZING. Everything about the way their art looks is super balanced and you can see the exact emotion each character is expressing.

@captainjellyroll OKAY. THIS PERSON. LEMME TELL U BOUT THIS. FIRST OF ALL. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAV ANIMATORS. THEYVE BEEN MY IDOL SINCE I WAS 11. Their work has so much energy, colour, and you can see the thought in each composition. I love them so much,,, each drawing has its own burst of energy!!! i want to be able to be like them when im older and live with like 5 cats.

@tea-artblog (they dont draw hetalia much anymore but their recent art is 100% worth looking at) OKAY. YALL. This is one of the people who’s art i looked at constantly when i first joined!! Their art is so like,,,, balanced and has just enough contrast and the colours???? EVERYTHING WORKS SO WELL. The eyes/expressions are SUPER CUTE.

@sully-s ANOTHER ARTIST WHOS STYLE IS ONE OF MY FAVS. It’s super fluid and the colours are perfect!! Each character has their own uniqueness I cant express my love of how perfect their lighting/colouring is. Their illustrations are straight out of a movie art book, its so GORGEOUS. and the environment REALLY has depth!!

@ask-victorian-austrian (dont know their main ack sorry!!), THE LINEWORK IS SO DETAILED AND CLEAN. I love the way they draw clothes/fashion, its all so detailed and gorgeous and you can feel the weight of the cloth and the lace and everything okay???? Seriously I love all their blogs, they have a bunch, and you should check out all of them!

@amoxesyoew HAS SUCH CUTE DRAWINGS!! The style in their characters’ hair is so flowy and the way they draw faces and eyes have this adorable quality to it!! the pureness of the emotions they draw are really prominent and i constantly just DIE because of it! I love love LOVE the gercan they draw too

@arschbiene THE WAY THEY DRAW FACES??? SPOT ON. The colours are SO spot on and i love the POP they give. The shading?/? SPECTACULAR. And each doodle is super cute and like,,,, when people say each drawing has a story behind it?? I FEEL THAT WITH THEIR ART OKAY. HIGHKEY.

@ekinoksin ???? HELLO??? THIS RENAISSANCE VAN GOGH MICHAELANGELO MASTERMIND OF AN ARTIST IS LIKE THE SAME AGE AS ME>????? I just foudn that out. BUT the way their art has so much depth!!!! THE BACKGROUNDS??? THE ENVIRONMENT?? ITs ALL EXTREMELY WELL DONE. And they have this texture to their art that makes it look just like historical paintings its so good!!! Im SHOOK.

@alfredtalia WORM. THeir characters all have structure and expression and everything about it has such like!!! UMFF. The way they draw certain things,, theres minor details!! and you may not notice them!! but they ADD SO MUCH!! Everything feels like it has attention to it, and it is so well balanced!!

@avlerie (again, not sure if they still draw hetalia but their art is really pretty) the way they add texture/detail to their art is SPECTACULAR. The hair???? the bodies??? It seems so structured and well drawn!! THE EYES THO. THE WAY THEY DRAW EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT GET ENOUGH

@elhuesoardiente DUDE IDK HOW THEY COLOUR/DO THEIR SHADING. BUT ITS SO UNIQUE AND GIVES THEIR ART THIS EXTRA LAYER OF DEPTH. The art is so gorgeous with the way they do their lighting, and everything about it has balance and harmony im just shook

@ask-2p-uk no idea how someone can even pull off art like they do. the lines/colours ARE REALLY WELL INCORPORATED to EACH DRAWING. The way they draw expressions?? is so unique??? like i love the hair too, it has this flowy-ness to it!! EVERYTHING about their style is so colourful and pretty and unique i just ghhghghg dont know how to explain it, just LOOK AT IT.

@lucerna-lunam the way their shading is,,, the “mystical”-ness of their art??? ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. IDK How they manage to draw stuff with such like,,,, sparkle to it. But their lighting is really well done, the EYES are so gorgeous! even the way each drawing is textured!! It comes together so perfectly!!

@suckmyicelandick THE WAY THEIR HAIR IS DRAWN??? SUPER SHINY AND GORGEOUS. I love the way their draw their characters, the hands/face/hair is so stylized the second you see their art you just KNOW its drawn by them. The eyes are super detailed and its so pretty im just sobbing i love their style

@aph-lithuania OKAY one of the first hetalia artists ive ever seen when i was new. THEIR ART IS SUPER PRETTY. The colours are really smooth and THE WAY???THEY DRAW BODIES?? THE FIGURES ARE SO WELL PROPORTIONED????!!! Everything about it is so cute!!!

@ask-mr-luxembourg BRUH??? HELLO?? COLOURING, LINEWORK, PROPORTIONS, EVERYTHING IS 10/10. Seriously they way they draw hair has such texture, and the way the bodies are drawn are so good. everything about them!! and the eyes?? DEADASS KILLED ME. Their art has seriously so much detail and i just DIE every time

@ellmovy HOW DOES ONE EVEN MANAGE TO DRAW CHARACTERS AS WELL AS THEM?? Each character has distinct features and like,,, the hair is always stylized and it looks SO GOOD????!!! The amount of detail they put into drawing small things like eyebrows and freckles add so much to the overall piece like WOW

@haeko9page THIS ARTIST. HAS THE CUTEST ART EVER. Their comic strips are seriously so adorable and has really good pacing! Each time they draw comic strips, the frames are so varied and it comes together SUPER WELL. Idk how to explain this, but like,,, the “camera angles” and the way they draw expressions/character interactions go together like peanut butter and jelly!

@kyotemeru-arts (they dont draw hetalia much but i love their art so much) dude the flow?? of the poses their characters have?? the flow of the characters themselves?? SUPER WELL DONE LIKE WOW. Also the way they shade and highlight things ?? like using more than one colour?? THAT REALLY MAKES THEIR ART POP. I LOVE THE WAY THEY CAN PERFECTLY DRAW FLUIDITY IN THEIR ART.

@frukmerunning GOLLY GEE DO I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY BOUT THEM. Just the way they draw faces, eyes and like,,,, bodies in general,, ITS ALL SO PERFECTLY BALANCED. The way they manage to make sketches look incredibly refined and capture the movement in each drawing???? LIKE IVE ADMIRED THEIR ART FOR SUCH A LONG TIME ITS BEEN 300 YEARS

@miss-ostrich-art BRUH how does one manage to draw ???? like them??? the way their characters’ forms and muscles can be seen but like not overly detailed??? they have the PERFECT amount of detail in each drawing, and the expressions!! the way they draw noses and facial structure and *italian hand gesture* PERFECT.

@maryluis THEIR EXPRESSIONS ARE SUPER DYNAMIC!!! AND THE POSES HAVE SUCH FLOW. Also did i mention the amount of detail they put into minor things?? like WOW. Seriously i think out of this list i like the way they draw expressions the best. Also this might be a weird thing to focus on, but the way theyre able to draw the interior/background/angles of things are INCREDIBLE.

@cioccolatodorima YOOOOOOO THIS IS LIKE THE FIRST ARTIST I SAW WHEN GETTING INTO THE FANDOM. ONE OF THEM AT LEAST. Their non-hetalia work is actually my fav and i want to do just what they do when im older! I love their illustrations, and their way of drawing characters/character design (ginjinka of mr.kitkat are my favs). The way their lighting looks, is SO pretty and the linework is ABSOLUTELY STUNNING. their art blog (not just hetalia) is @rainbow-taishi

@ask-badlydrawnseborga lemme tell yall about a thing. i love how funny their art is, and like,,,,, i know its “badly drawn seborga” but the way the hair flows and the proportions,, everything about it is SO nffhhklahjdj polished. LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BC THEYRE SUCH A MEMELORD BUT I GENUINELY HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR THEIR SKILLL

@sabrow3 NOT ONLY IS THEIR ILLUSTRATIONS SUPER CUTE, IT HAS GREAT PROPORTIONS AND DEPTH. I love their attention to detail in clothing and historical things, and like,, the line work is AMAZING. Seriously, I want to be able to draw as well as them, its incredible how the amount of work and effort is shown in each drawing.

@buruzaitama !! The way they draw characters has like,,, this level of realism and the way they do their lighting just pushes that to the next level. I don’t know how people can pull off drawing realism yet still make it so unique that i can instantly tell that a piece is drawn by them, but this artist IS SO GOOD AT THAT. LIKE WOW

@inkodoodles Okay their “1 hour drawing challenges”? IM FLOORED ANYONE CAN DRAW THAT IN ONE HOUR. The have such detail and flow and movement in each drawing! And the lighting they have is so soft and calming, it lends itself to each piece REALLY WELL. Whatever emotion each drawing is supposed to give is conveyed to a tee

@heyheyartman BRO the style??? is so fucking UNIQUE AND ICONIC?? And the way they manage to pace comics and storytell is sO GOOD. Like,,, the way they can use shapes for each of their characters is so refined and stylized i love it. Their use of colour seriously KICKS ASS and im floored every time i see their work.

@merasgar their art is so detailed!! and the backgrounds/environments are so soft and gorgeous to look at! I have like,,,, no idea how you can pull off such beautiful hair and eyes in each drawing!! They draw a lot of rochu and like,, the features look so PERFECT for the characters ghhghghg

@yosb ALRIGHT LISTEN UP THIS ARTIST SERIOUSLY HAS ONE OF MY FAV STYLES. It’s so refined and you can see the distinct features of each character. The style isnt realism but the characters FEEL REAL. They have such a perfect way of paying attention to details and putting in proportions/facial features to each character im so amazed and love their work so much

and of course i want to include @paachubelle though theyre working on their own project ( @the-otwya-project ) now, they’re one of my like,,,, friends that i made on this blog through hetalia ask blogs and i figured id like to include them on this list. Idk how people can draw in pencil with such detail and everything but they do it EXPERTLY. The line work is always so clean and the shading is always so well done!!

of course, im very clumsy and forgetful so i know i forgot some names but i cant remember things!! Either way, these are some of my all time favourite iconic hetalia (and non-hetalia) artists!! I want to be able to draw as well as them one day!

#diamondsketcher #admin post #zonkeywave

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208-archive · 5 years

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what are a few things you love about each member of day6? i’m in a loving day6 mood and you’re one of my fave blogs so i wanna gush about them 🥺

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 how to start ... first of all dowoon comedy genius he's so funny like during his flower viewing vlive when he said something like 'come on guys i may be stupid but im not That stupid' and omg when he posts pics and videos of his pets 🥺🥺🥺 and how he posts everything both on instagram and on twitter like does he have his accounts linked can u even link ig and twt idk also the fact that he shares practice videos all the time is so cute i know he thinks he still needs to improve and that kind of drive and passion are great but i hope he knows he's an amazing drummer 🥺 jae ... omg i could listen to him talk forever like idk what it is about him but i just want to know what he has to say even if he has to make 10 google searches before saying it and even after all of that he still doesnt exactly know what he's saying im just like :+) thats interesting because of hdigh ive had his 'thats interesting' and his laugh stuck in my head so i guess there's that too :/ ... but jae's just so personable like his presence on social media really makes it feel like he's so close to us and it seems like he feels like he's close to us too ?? idk its cute 🙈 wonpil's so comforting bro omg 🥺🥺🥺 and reassuring 🥺🥺🥺 and encouraging 🥺🥺🥺 i love the way he talks too because u can sense the amount of thought and heart that goes into everything he says but also he's so goofy just like the way he does things is so funny like when he runs across the stage just to do some tiny shenanigan or saying he's gonna run away right before a concert and then actually making a run for it During concerts but omg once the concert's over he stays on stage longer than everyone else he lingers for a bit and waves at mydays some more 🥺 sungjin ... when he says that mydays are their friends my heart does a backflip and jumps through a ring of fire but the fire doesnt burn its just a pleasant warmth and omg he was concerned that mydays would go out to look for restaurants and foods so he stopped tweeting his daily menus 🤧 he's reassuring and comforting too but in a different way like kinda like that feeling u get when u come home after a long and hard day and u know its behind u whereas with wonpil its like ur still out living through that long and hard day but there's a little voice in the back of ur head telling u to keep going until u finally get to where u need to be if that even makes sense 😳 now youngk ... why did i leave him for last omg as if this isnt long enough already idek what to say about him like he's so ... and my phone's suggesting cute beautiful sexy but anyway he's so charismatic 😳 like his stage presence is unreal even just in photos and videos u can tell that its crazy but when u see him actually standing in front of u ... 😳 and he's so hardworking i feel like kinda like dowoon he thinks he still has a long way to go but like if he keeps going we're gonna need to start building intergalactic bridges to different planets and solar systems there's no room on our tiny planet for that much talent and that goes for all 5 of them they're all so talented and they keep improving !!! rapidly !!! they never stop !!! its so exciting i love being a myday and getting to witness their growth as musicians and their bond as friends and their affection for mydays im getting literally physically teary eyed like i love them so much ive said this before but ill say it again if i ever die the only thing i want written on my gravestone is my name and that i was a myday nothing else no daughter sister wife bullshit just myday

#feel free to tell me what Ur favorite things about them are 🥺

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evannalily · 6 years

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Gold Frame Earrings from Newlook

Good Afternoon everyone and a very Happy New Year to you all! I hope you all had a wonderful night full of fun, joy and surrounded by family and friends to ring in the new year! I myself was laid up in bed with the flu for most of it so mine could have been that little bit better but otherwise I was just thankful to actually be out of bed and able to eat on actual new years night so it could have also have been worse but Im on the mend now! Todays post is the first post of 2019 and one I haven’t done in a while which is on one of my own looks that I had for a night out in December and if I’m being really honest that night was the first in a long time that I actually 100% happy with how I looked on a night out and felt really confident in myself which I think is a feeling I will be bringing with me in 2019!

My 2018 ended with a good few memories as I had a pretty sociable December . Including myself and Éimear going to the INEC in Killarney to go see Hozier and Gavin James who were unreal! For anyone who doesn’t know who Hozier is he’s an Irish singer/songwriter from Wicklow and I would definitely recommend going to see him because he is just amazing live! I always love going to see singers live and have them sound the exact same as they do in audio instead of them sounding a bit different because the voices are enhanced on the audio to sound better. Definitely check out his music because he is genuinely just so good! Gavin James is also an Irish singer from Galway who is also really good to go and see!

Myself and Éimear also went on our glam girls night out where we also met up with Himself and a couple of his work buddies and it was this night that I am honestly so happy with my look.

Look of The Night

https://www.newlook.com/row/womens/clothing/tops/black-one-hundred-percent-slogan-t-shirt-/p/616789201

https://www.newlook.com/row/womens/clothing/skirts/black-cotton-mix-mini-tube-skirt-/p/506885901?comp=Search

https://www.newlook.com/row/womens/accessories/jewellery/gold-textured-rectangle-earrings-/p/614185393?comp=Browse

https://www.prettylittlething.com/black-pu-pointed-ankle-sock-boots.html

https://www.newlook.com/row/womens/accessories/belts/black-leather-look-circle-buckle-hip-belt/p/591190501?comp=Browse

The look its self was pretty simple and was my classic all black colour scheme (another thing I’m going to start changing in 2019) and was just perfect. I love when you just throw something on last minute and it ends up being you’re favourite look of all time. The t-shirt is pretty basic and you can find slogan t-shirts in virtually any high street store at the moment as they are really trendy still and it was also long enough on me that I kind of created another layer under the skirt which is always handy just incase like me you have a little fear of things being a bit transparent. The skirt is actually another one that I had at home but I have included a link to a similar one here for you but its just a basic black tube skirt as I like my skirts to be a bit higher around the waist as I just feel they suit me better. You can’t see the boots in this photo but I do have a picture of them up on my Instagram and they are literally the exact type I was searching for for ages! I have another suede high stiletto pair that I have had for years and they are starting to get on a bit now and have seen a fair share of nights out so it was time to start getting their replacement ready and these are amazing. They literally tick every box height (which is scary high to look at but I love the height without a platform sole) , style, colour, comfort and of course are pointed toe. The earrings are again really trendy at the minute and are relatively easy to find but it does depend on the size you like. Usually these square frames are on the larger side but these ones are actually a mini version available from Newlook as well as the bigger size too. They are lightweight as well which is always a bonus as heavy earrings are a curse on your ears after a while. I just finished this look with a plain black leather jacket (more black I know) and thats it. A simple look for nights out without the fuss.

2018 : A Year In Pictures

As we are now in the new year 2019 I have decided to share some of my photos month by month from last year 2018 on some of my highlights from the year gone by. I definitely had a year filled with ups and downs, changes and trips but these photos are a reflection of all the good times from last year and if you can I would make an album on your phone or in a scrap book that you can look back on in years to come so that you can remind yourself when you’re feeling a bit low or in a sticky situation that life hasn’t been all bad and that you have had some great times in your life even if it is something as simple as just watching movies with friends. Heres a breakdown of my 2018!

February – Éimear and I travelled up to Dublin to go see Dermot Kennedy in the Olympia Theatre and I will honestly never forget it. It was the best concert I have ever been to because his music is so emotional, touching, beautiful and mesmerising. We are going to see him this year as well which I cannot wait to do again!

April – Himself and I went on our kind of annual holiday to Portugal to Albufiera where we have been before but this time we did do a few new things one of which I have definitely never done before and that was a Fish Pedicure. If you don’t know what that is its basically these tiny little fish that eat away at dead skin cells so you soak your feet in the water with them and they basically just clean your dead skin cells away. Don’t worry they are tiny fish so you don’t actually feel anything except maybe a slight tickle which is more of a funny sensation than scary (unless your Kim Kardashian West in that clip where she completely freaks out at the tickle feeling of a fish pedicure).

June – Himself and I went over to England for just under two weeks to mind my aunties house for her and as he had never been to London before I was excited to show him all the touristy things like Buckingham Palace, The London Eye and the Natural History Museum. We did one thing I had never done before (that I can recall anyway as I may have gone as a very small child) and that was go to the London Aquarium. It was really cool in there and they do have really interesting things to see so I would recommend going there if you are in London! On our way to the Natural History Museum we did see a few lamborghinis being driven around for demonstrations too which he was only delighted to see.

September – In September Himself and I attended a wedding in Tralee which was a civil ceremony as they didn’t want a church wedding and it was honestly one of the nicest wedding I have been to. As much as I respect peoples religious choices of a church wedding it was just really nice to not have the same prayers and routines and to see them have their children involved, have their own readings and quotes spoken and it was just a really nice romantic wedding. I did however end up spending two days getting broken glass out of my hands from an unfortunate table breakage but we won’t talk too much about that!

December – The whole month of December was one of my highlights to be honest. I started with our annual staff party which was really fun as we went for dinner and then just made a night out of it. Next up was my birthday which I didn’t actually do anything for it but Himself did have roses delivered to me at work for it which was a nice surprise even though I had a feeling he was going to do that as he was being a bit sneaky in town the day before and he did the same for my 21st birthday a couple years ago but it was still a lovely surprise! After that came came the Hozier show which was amazing as he just has such a great voice and is amazing to see live. Then literally two days after that myself and Éimear went out for our glam girls night and met up with himself and couple of his friends as they were on a staff night out too. Then obviously there was Christmas which was our usual family tradition of dinner with my grandparents, lots of food and a movie. Then a few days after Christmas myself and Éimear headed out to the INEC again to go see Gavin James perform and literally about two days after this I ended up in bed ill for nearly two days and was only just up an about on new years eve and able to eat so I literally have not one photo from the night but I did discover my 88 year old granddad is a fan of George Ezra’s Shotgun and my nan is in love with Michael Bublé

February – Dermot Kennedy Olympia Theatre Dublin

March – Myself and Eimear on St. Patricks Night

March – Snowy house bound days with Cookie

April – Albufeira, Portugal with himself

May – Finally bought a new car

June – England with Himself

August – Got my first set of the prettiest Ombre gels at NailsbyErika

August – Was reunited with an old school friend at a wedding

September – At wedding with himself

October – Halloween Costume Party in The Grand with Gillian

December – Christmas Staff Party

December – Himself had flowers delivered to me at work for my birthday

December – Hozier with Eimear

December – Out on the town with Eimear

December – Holly waiting for her gifts from Santa on Christmas morning

Decemeber – Gavin James with Eimear

Well thats my 2018 summed up so lets see what 2019 brings! Speak to you soon!

Ever yours

Lily

December Roundup : Last Look At 2018 Good Afternoon everyone and a very Happy New Year to you all! I hope you all had a wonderful night full of fun, joy and surrounded by family and friends to ring in the new year!

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theshireisburningg · 6 years

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Why do you love the queens you love? (Like individually)

AHHH this is something i can go on about for ever because i am sappy and love love but ill try not to ramble lol !!

Im just going to do -all time faves- because i love all of them a lot and can talk about like 20 of them rn

ADORE: adore literally makes me the happiest person ever its WILD and amazing? And danny is veeery similar to me which is why i think i love him/adore so much because i see myself and get a lot of confidence from it!! And also shes just a fucking badass whos going to take over the world with music and i am so so v proud. love of my life forever and always and the best person ive ever known

KATYA: fuckin katya is the best thing to ever come out of the drag/drag race imo shes UNREAL there is no one else like katya but in the best way possible?? I watch interviews/listen to the podcast for ever and i never get bored because her mind is magical and incredible and i will also cry over katya always because so much love and happiness

#On a less serious note i would sell my soul to make out with adore or katya #answered

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egobangin-tonight · 7 years

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#spookgrumps #shipgrumps #siren!dan #weretiger!arin #egobang #here #accept this word vomit at 6am #dan is a loveable person who just loves alotta ppl #loves!!

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jewel-s-blog · 4 years

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about me + bias list

hi there, I’m jewel :)

she/her/hers ・ 20 ・ kpop (writing) blog

Yes, Jewel is my real name although my parents admit I was supposed to be named elizabeth but changed their minds last minute after I was born how cute and I’m currently in university. I study political science and japanese for those wondering (because yes, I am japanese and it’s helpful when you live in hawaii to have that degree yk?). If any of this stuff is even mildly interesting and you have any curiosities, pls feel free to ask me!

I try to write some things when I can, so feel free to take a look at my masterlist. I also read A LOT of fics on this site, so also peep my recs if you feel like it. Warning: its mostly fluff and angst and almost always includes smut but there’s some really good stuff worth reading still!

Feel free to talk to me :) i don’t have any kpop friends irl :( all my friends are locals smh

I try my hardest to be active as much as possible but it’s taken me over a year to finally get used to tumblr lol marklee and i both struggle with complex technology i guess Of course, there are times when I get busy with college and will probably seem to drop off the face of the planet exam season kills but now that I’ve been in quarantine for a month, I figured now is the best time to start building an active tumblr routine.

That’s all for now! Keep reading below for my bias list :)

xoxo, jewel <3

Bias List

Before I begin, I will warn that this is basically a giant NCT shxtpost. With LOTS of hyperlinks for educational purposes and absolute crackhead-ery. I’ll eventually make a separate list for other groups I stan, but this blog is mainly NCT and this is already so long so I’ll leave it as this. Enjoy!

Biases are bolded in the beginning of each unit, so you can skip everything after if you don’t wanna see my ramblings following it.

A/N: After biasing nearly every member in NCT/WayV I’ve settled for now on my biases for each unit. This will most likely rotate fairly regularly as I literally fall in love with a different member every day cited here. solo stan? I don’t know her.

ULT

Jaehyun *ahem excuse me i mean*

Johnny Suh, it’s official. Don’t know how to explain, but I love everything about him. In the end, it’s always him. damn i sound like y/n thoughts but istg it’s true From SM Rookies to NCT Life to MV behinds, he’s the one. But I’ve also come to realize that I find myself most relatable to him as a person and I think that’s why no one else can trump him wow narcissist much jewel It’s kind of just my gut feeling. It also helps that hes the fluffiest tall, muscular tight booty hottie on the planet. See this black on black dance practice for further scientific explanation even in this jaehyun trying to wreck me so badddddd

Not gonna lie, I HAD IT BAD FOR MARK LEE still do and yet Johnny overcame that. If mark lee were my first love, johnny is my soulmate.

UPDATE!

Lee Jeno has officially been added to the ult list. *See the entirety of my april activity on my sns accounts if you would like to see how this happened haha :)

NCT U

im in love with him bc he literally reminds me of my boyfriend -- i like chill guys ok

Taeil is my little teddy bear who looks great in red hair and has a voice form heaven. Evidence? Here you go. He didn’t stand out to me much in the beginning because I was either deaf or blind but after Chain, the game was OVER. +moon taeil in shorts?? serve them thighs honey. Love you bebe tomato <3

BUT Doyoung is the #1 bias wrecker here because have you seen his cover of beautiful on masked singer?? have you?? if not, let me educate you. Also his collab with Sejeong?? Literally the cutest MV ever, perfect for Christmas, listened to it every year since it’s release.

Listen to Coming Home - NCT U for further scientific evidence that NCT has top vocals in the kpop industry.

NCT 127

THE Jung Jaehyun. For reasons that need no explanation. but ill give it anyway smh

After watching the performance of herin and jaehyun singing a whole new world I knew that was it for me. (I still watch it once a month for my jaehyun-related health and to honor SM’s biggest loss, seo herin and ji hansol but thats for another conversation) back to jaehyun His vocals are unique in NCT and bring a nice color to their songs, the man looks good in literally anything, and I’ll probably say this about every member, but I love his dance style--body rolls for days sis. Definitely my ideal type, which my boyfriend is 100% aware of; no secrets in my relationship ofc which explains the wreckage. Pretty sure 81% of the fandom gets wrecked by him daily, so I think I’ll stop here.

NCT Dream

Renjun. why? i just think he’s neat but no really, it was this performance (ok actually this got me ALL SORTS OF WRECKED) and this fancam that had me falling in love with him but were gonna ignore the fact that I get bias wrecked DAILY by all the other members GOd-tier vocals, personality for daysssssss, variety KING HUANG RENJUN. Safe to claim that I go into renjun feels about 3x a week. Check my twitter for proof. +dnyl renjun was a blessing and I sometimes cant believe that it actually happened. How do I explain?? He’s literally the best boy, but when he gets all worked up....let’s stop there before I have to go to confession again.

But for fun, lets list why I have biased every dream member at some point shall we? (in no particular order) Dream might just be my ult group, songs always bop, members at star quality

mark- yes i am including mark bc he was the reason i even started stanning dream dreamies leader since mmc days, mentor, A1 rap skills, ad libs go crazy, unparalleled dancing style, hardest worker, cutest watermelon advocate ever, all around amazing person can you tell he used to be my ult? + he’s a good christian boy and my catholic *ss has to confess my sins for being a simp for him 24/7

chenle- vocal GOD, most steady live vocals in kpop, laugh to die for

jeno- i cannot resist his eye smile i wanna cuddle and onstage charisma-2:54 “let’s goooooo” and i alskfdfjlkdldkfa.

jaemin- “other than my members, i don’t have any friends” and yet he’s literally the most caring and wonderful little puff in existence fight me pls dont im a pacifist

heachan- idk why but donghyukie feels like he could be my best friend and also cant stop staring at him in their dance practices his body proportions are unreal and his vocal ad libs?? don’t even get me STARTED on heachans vocals

jisung- he is my son, but also my son’s vocals?? MWAH that voice got me second guessing if he’s really my son

WayV

Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul another member where it kinda just....happened? In the end I was like “damn, when did you sneaky bugger get in my heart?” He’s got a similar vibe as Johnny AND DO NOT COME FOR MY THROAT FOR SAYING THAT THATS MY OPINION Like Johnny, I see myself in Ten. There are so many reasons why I love Ten, so I’ll make it simple and provide them to you.

Reason 1 - Performance/dance he just hit different, he’s THAT good. Reason 2 - vocals the amount his vocals has improved?? UNMATCHED. Reason 3 - INTELLECTUAL (still trying to find the clip of him talking about different kinds of love) Reason 4 - multi-lingual KING ok so this vid is him struggling in mandarin, but imagine, you speak thai and english and learn korean to debut and all of a sudden your agency says “ok learn chinese now.” MANDARIN IS ONE OF THE HARDEST LANGUAGES TO LEARN. Reason 5 - bad b*tch he just radiates bad bitxh energy in everything he does, and I appreciate a bad bitxh

BUT I love wayv’s chaotic energy and chemistry so much that I literally love them all dreamies watch out

+special shoutout to xiaojuns vocals in Love Talk

+kun being a dimpled zaddy (jaehyun&kun type CONFIRMED)

+lucas holding binoculars like THAT @ 1:10

+yangx2 doing THIS (prepare to be blown away)

+hendery being a the best teacher

+winwin BEING WINWIN THE DANCE GOD

+winwin AGAIN and with Ten here i don’t even think i have to say that i tweeted about this everyday for a month and im still not over it. This specific dance really allowed winwin to shine even though ten is my bias. It really allowed others to see the fruit of his classical training even in modern dance which he never trained in. Not gonna be repetitive and SCREAM say that he’s underrated, because we all know that already. Just show winwin some love, ok? thank you.

And so finally, we’ve reached the end. Phew, this took me almost 5 hours to put together because I definitely got carried away. For those who made it all the way to the end, thank you, I love you. It’s so messy and I don’t have the mental capacity to do anymore editing but I hope you got something from this massive post <3 Feel free to let me know what you think! xoxo, jewel

#jewel-s-blog about me #jewel-s-blog bias list #jewel-s-blog

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guksuu · 7 years

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tag games [pt.2]

i’ve been tagged in more games so here is another post w them (i don’t mind being tagged in them, so don’t feel bad when tagging me! they’re actually fun to do!!). ill probably do the photo ones this weekend so im sorry if u tagged me n i havent done them yet jdhgjfd

tagging: @dem0nakki @denimin @minhyyk @galaxychae @0hui @xiiumiins @sehunnified @kihyuns-husband @princesssjoy @mvpgyu @aegyojin890 @sleepyw0ns @michinholang-i @d0ngsichengs @bunnyjins & anyone else who wants to do any of these! (dont be burdened to do this lmaoo)

kpop url songs tag

tagged by the angels, @lastnamesuh n @whaaattheflower !! thank u!!

g - GO by b.a.p

u - u hoo hoo by block b

k - ko ko bop by exo (i dunno why its so hard to think of songs for ‘k’ LMAO)

s - stay by mblaq (jdkgfd i miss them sm :/ )

u - untitled 2014 by gdragon

u - 言行一致 (언행일치) [un haeng il chi] by seventeen

10 questions about kpop tag

i think thats what it is called? thank u to @actualprinceravi n @fluffyzelo for tagging me!

FIRSTIES group i listened to: suju! group i knew the members’ names of: mblaq bias: cheondung from mblaq song that made me emotional: cry by mblaq (yall this song will legit make u cry)

TOP 3 fav male groups: yall i stan so many groups.. fav female groups: 2ne1, blackpink, dreamcatcher fav solo artists: sik k, paul kim, dpr live who i want to see go solo: woozi, hyungwon, mark tuan fav songs of all time: stop it by b.a.p / cry by mblaq / 짜장면 by myteen biases: im a loyal OT STAN FOR EVERY GROUP I LOVE fandoms: waAAAY TOO MANY choreographies: breathless by astro (the part where they do the star is so unreal) / if you do by got7 / overcome by nu’est

ULTIMATE bias group: UhhHhH too many male bias: UhHhHHh OT female bias: dont rlly have any (i need to stan more gg :-( asap)

15 tags about my bias

O THIS ONE IS GONNA BE HARD but im gonna try it anyways jdkgfdg. thank u to @nottechae for the tag!!

rules: write 15 tags about your bias!

1. #HE’S LITERALLY A RAY OF SUNSHINE

2. #such a sweetheart like what did i do to deserve his angelic self :-(

3. #wow like the amount of soft he is...i just want to hug him so much!!!!!

4. #he really out here...actin all cute n stuff..tryin to make me softer than mochi

5. #when he’s rude i am in pain UGHSDGJS

6. #give the boy more recognition bc he rlly works so hard for himself n his group

7. #no one touch me im emotional over this

8. #im gonna say it again...HE IS SOFT n it makes mE SO JDFGDFGS

9. #watch me as i hold my world in my hands *has picture of him*

10. #his smile..so bright!!!! it makes my heart all warm n fuzzy

11. #how did i get so lucky????????????????????

12. #woops there goes my heart..he has stolen it again

13. #bitchdf i am at loss for words bc he RADIATES TALENT & VISUALS & JUST EVERYTHING

14. #his laughter n dorky self...i just love SO SO MUCH!!!!

15. #my love! my star! my angel!

#ill get those photo ones done ASAP!#TYSM N ILY TO ALL THE PPL WHO TAG ME IN GAMES!#if this messes up ur notifs im sorry ://///#TIME FOR ME TO GO TO SLEEP #tag: game #celestial mutuals

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celestialallstars · 5 years

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Episode #16: “Well, this is the end folks.” - Stephen

I WANT TO QUIT

I AM GOING TO QUIT

MICHAEL DESERVED BETTER HE WAS MY FUCKING F2 AND BEST FRIEND IN THIS GAME AND IM SO FUCKINF MAD I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN THIS FUCK THIS CASST SO MUCH I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING

#FuckChris

FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST

EITHER IM QUITTING OR IM WINNING OUT OF SPITE WATCH THIS SPACE

Feel like pure shit just want Michael back

Bryce messaging me like “hey bowling ball” SHUT UR FUCKING FACE BRYCE DO NOT START TRYING TO TALK TO ME RN I AM MAD AT YOU

I MADE FINAL FIVE AND I HAVE AN IDOL I LEARNED MY MISTAKES IM MAKING FINAL FOUR I BEAT MY PLACEMENT WOOO I makin sure history dont be repeating doe

Alrighty, I am hoping that one of Chloe or Zach leaves this round. I dont know how the idol is going to go but I think Chloe's the safest bet for us as I still feel Zach could have it. Still, I can't risk a Loris situation so I would prefer it if Stephen won immunity. I do feel bad for him and I just hope he still trusts me even if I lost a little last night. Right now I think if Crystal Clear is the F4 then it could do a lot of good if anyone but Bryce wins it but I hope Stephen is wanting to go to the end still now

So, THAT happened. Chris lied and sided with Bryce and Zach instead of splitting like we planned! Greeaaaaaat.

He says it happened shortly before tribal, but when he told me his reason, he said it was because of Michael attempting to make an F3 deal, which is something that happened the day before.

I did have an interesting chat with Zach where he said me and him are essentially seen as Chris and Bryce's +1's and our chances of winning sitting next to them might be pretty low based on that perception. Obviously I want Bryce out before Chris, but I need to start realistically thinking of cutting Chris at some point. He did go behind my back here and staying blindly loyal despite that just seems foolish. He said he'd use the idol on me this round which is great and all, but if Bryce wins immunity... well... what are my options? Honestly the best case scenario is me or Chris winning immunity just so we can be sure about playing the idol on the one who loses and voting Bryce out.

I hope that bad scenario doesn't have to play out, but let's just say at this point I think Zach and Chloe are my best possible F3. Which is interesting considering I just tried to get Zach out!

It does kinda suck to hear Michael say what he said. I get he was upset but like I dunno. It didnt help but at the same time I don't feel too bad knowing that he made an f3 without me in it. My hope was that it makes the others think more on NOT bringing me to the end so I want to use it to my advantage as much as I can to still win it all if its possible

This vote has been so messy it's ridiculous. I know Chris has the idol and is likely playing it on himself, so I'm trying to get Zach and Chloe to throw their vote on him so me and Chris can decide who goes. I was considering actually voting him out for a bit but I don't think that's feasible without their being an imminent reason for him to use the idol on someone else.

So I told Chloe and Zach the plan, and I told Bryce the plan was Chloe and used idol-fear as my fake reason. Hopefully it's a strong enough justification for him to buy it and just vote for her, but he's immune so he personally has nothing to fear tonight. It's been a hard day and I hope everything pans out as I expect and I'm not on the bad end of all the plans LOL.

im in f4 wooh but no chance at winning i think im gonna be blindsided by zach tonight so thats fun if chris goes im legit over but idk how to fix that i ened to make sure chris votes stephen with me but idt he will

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Chloe: How does michael leaving impact the game?

Michael leaving the game probably means it’s a bit more open for people to make moves and shake things up even more which is TERRIFYING. In my eyes Michael had a lot of control over people that was going unnoticed.

go to an optometrist queen

im trying to do stuff but who knows oh well LOL SDGMLKDSGKDSGKDMSKGDSK i want chris out but he probs has idol all i know is unless theres an idol nullifier i be makin f4 tho

________________________________________________________________

Chloe is voted out 2-2-1. She becomes the eighth member of our jury.

Watch Chloe’s exit interview take place below:

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Welp! I've survived probably my closest call all game. I wish I could make it to the end while being targeted a bit less but I can settle for this. Anyway, selecting Chloe to be my target ended up being the correct decision, since she was the only person other than me who could be targeted. I'm so close to the end again, and the people still in don't see me as much of a winner threat. I hope they're wrong sksksksksksks

I think winning this immunity challenge and being the reason Bryce goes home could boost my odds quite a bit, but I need to be ready for the possibility of not winning the immunity challenge as well. Still, I have F2 deals with Chris and Zach, so that's another reason to avoid wanting to choose between them here. No reason to make anyone madder than they need to be.

I guess a lot is riding on the last comp and I enjoy it because it does show how it isn't clear cut as far as what will happen next.

ok so results in 2.5 hours and i know im not winning its so sad but its just sth that i have to face. i tried my hardest at endurance but fell alseep. before and after.. i have no brain. counting? literally my least fave thing on orgs the actual anxiety it gives me is unreal. winterbells???? anyways. the puzzle prob the only thign i can do alright at and i just know zach beat me at it too. and like just like my og season i feel like if i dont win i go home.at least there i dont think maynor would have voted me but here i dont have a maynor and i will get 3-1'd even tho i dont think its the right move like ugh this is so sad i rly just wanted to show i deserved my win and my spot on all stars and i cant even win final immunity its so embarrassing why do i even play orgs this will be my last mark my WORDS going out on one of my fave orgs ever will be cute anyway yay wooh haha im so random...

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im so sad like im depressed this sucks im gonna get 3-1'd for WHAT why wont zach take me what could i have done differently except be better at immunity like ive had no agency since f9 rhys blindside and its like that has been annoying but it was always with the end goal being yes i may not have gotten to play how i wanted to but at least ill make ftc how cute. but i dont even get to do that and its like ppl just say i was a shield well i have feelings and i dont like being used as a shield why am i so melodramatic its literally an online game but im just tired of being used and thrown away and so what if ive listened to liability 10 times since i woke up this morning that has nothing to do with me feeling like im a toy that ppl grow bored of.

Its been one heck of a rollercoaster but I have a little faith for this last tribal. I was sad to have lost the final challenge but I feel it can perhaps help my overall game if Im able to make it to the final three. With that in mind, its time to enact my final plan. While I have openly acknowledged Bryce's threat level to people I sorta was in need of certain things falling into place- Zach winning was the first part even if it would have been nice for Stephen/myself. Now is the part I pretty much spell it out for him that taking Bryce not only equals less jury votes but also could take votes that Zach would have since Bryce is viewed as the stronger of the duo. I basically have to make Zach be fully on board to get out his biggest threat to winning.

________________________________________________________________

As for Bryce, it was nice to play with him but I do hope he is serious about voting Stephen because it then guarantees that not only am I safe but that I can get him out. Alas Justice4Mitch has never died but if I can pull it off after basically convincing Bryce I was not against him while also just painting Zach as a necessary meat shield then I have a chance! I dunno how it would go down with the jury but thats moot until I see "18th person voted out and the final member of the jury...@Bryce"

So I made a bit of a mistake last night. Zach won immunity and I assumed it was pretty clear Bryce was gonna go 3-1 no strings attached, and I told him my reasons for voting him. Bryce isn't giving up though. He came up with a plan with Chris to get Zach to put his vote on Chris, and then the 2 of them vote me out. It's not the craziest idea I've ever heard which is why I think I made a mistake telling Bryce the truth.

Knowing this, I went to Zach and told him everything about this plan. Hopefully it makes Zach too gun-shy to consider voting for Chris and, since I don't think he wants me out that only leaves Bryce as an option. I wish I was immune and had nothing to worry about but here we are! If Bryce can dig himself out of this he'll have a really good shot to win though. And Chris/Zach have to be aware of that.

youtube

im livid im depressed and my hair is such a mess.

this is likely my penultimate confessional [that is lengthy] so here we go.

i won immunity. im so happy. I MADE FINAL TRIBAL!! even if i lose, i still made it here, in an allstar season - which is just phenomenal. top 3 out of 21... WOO! and i beat my placement and improved my game (in my subjective opinion) and so i feel like i got what i wanted out of this game. i didn't even need the immunity tbh but.. it's just a relief to have it because it secures my game and allows me a bit more control than the average person at F4.

when it comes to the vote, i think the frontrunners are chris + bryce. i think neither are a cut-and-dry win, but i think they are the two people that the jury is currently praising to a degree. it's also known that those two are on the chopping block for this round, and i believe i'm in a swing vote position (stephen/chris voting bryce, bryce voting chris - i can tie it or send bryce home).

this is where it becomes tricky. i love all these people, especially bryce. he's my best friend and we've been through this game hand in hand. i would love to see him win, and i would prefer him as a victor over stephen/chris (no offence to them, just as personal taste obviously). but, i think he's an obstacle for me come FTC. the jury has perceived me to be his goat (or just a follower of his), and while that's not true (both bryce and i have played briefly separate games and have taken some control at varying points), perception matters a lot. like, it's not reality - but it is critical to who wins this game. so i think i need to do my utmost best to reverse that perception.

my main strategy throughout merge (and i mentioned this in early confessionals) was to highlight bryce as a bigger threat [giving him another challenge win, hyping him up to people, etc.] so that in our inevitably perceived duo, he would be the bigger fish to fry. while at times this failed (ie f8 when I was the target of the split vote), i fixed it by ensuring jared's elimination because he was the person keeping bryce alive and that was awareness!! woo!! but overall, with the whole "shield strategy", it becomes redundant imo if you take that shield to FTC. bryce, as someone who's been consistently targeted (him and i both tbh), if he gets to the end, that becomes so impressive. even if he hasn't made many moves or whatever, it's that underdog-like story that likely ensures him the gold in my eyes. i would love to see him win!! he's the best candidate (on a personal level) to be sandra diaz-twine (though he's being so fat to me right now, as i am to him though). but i feel like my prominent strategy only ever comes into fruition if i eliminate him, and that's where i'm leaning (and he knows that).

while chris could win (or even stephen, i won't exclude him), it's all a risk. if they do, then good game!! but i think ive played to a great standard and have proven myself, and i've shown divergence from bryce and others and while some moves failed, i attempted to be flexible and that in and of itself speaks a lot! woo!! this is a deserving final four imo (higher than average for most final ours). this allstar season has been hectic, every vote being so diverse, so regardless of the final outcome, it's an achievement that us four made it here.

i could be majorly misinterpreting this game as a whole, but who cares. chris and stephen are both great speakers, so it'll be a tossup in that regard, but i just have to do what's best. maybe i vote out chris though. i'm torn, and it's not because of what anyone has said, it's just an internalized conflict that's like... do i vote out my best friend but i think it's smarter or do i vote out another threat and just hope the jury can recognize that i had a stronger game than perceived.

i think i know the answer though. and i hope that when he (BRYCE LKSDGLKSD i love him im on call with him ill link a pic below) goes to jury he can be my cheerleader... bc i lav him. if not i understand. but I HOPE he doesn't hate me remotely seriously because i value our friendship immensely... but i didn't come here to play for second. will i get second (or third)? sure. it's possible. but at least i didn't *play* for it, if that makes sense.

link to bryce on cam suffocating himself with a pillow in response to me potentially voting him out: https://imgur.com/BgFRtsK

that's all. MAYBE I DONT WRITE ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL AND LONG AND MY FINGERS ARE CRAMPING. but that's it. love yawls. mwah.

IM SO DEPRESSED IM GETTING 3-1 HOW DO I HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL GAME WHY AM I THE WORST PERSON TO EVER PLAY THE GAME WHATS THE POINT OF PLAY 77 DAYS IF I CANT BE A TWO TIME WINNER I RUIN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I PUSH THROUGH MY EPISODES OF SADNESS TO TRY TO WIN AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BC IM AN UNLIKABLE AND NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO ME IN THE END LIKE THATS SO CRAZY ITS INSANE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613389489154293780/634539770583973888/unknown.png

________________________________________________________________

i thought most betrayed was jared to me but turns out its zach to me

________________________________________________________________

Bryce is voted out 3-1. He becomes the ninth and final member of our jury.

Watch Bryce’s exit interview take place below:

youtube

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Ahhh I cant believe I made it to FTC. Its pretty surreal to have actually made it after everything's that happened! I am so nervous about FTC because I know a lot of people may not be thrilled to see me and I have to do a lot lf convincing...but this is where I have to try to give everything my all and hope it will work out!

Well, this is the end folks.

My final confessional of All-Stars. Will it be my final Celestial confessional? Who knows. All I know at this point is that my speech is ready and I'm speculating as to what questions I will be asked and what my answers will be. Finally being at the end of an ORG is so surreal but winning this thing after all the nonsense would be so sweet.

Making it to the end with Chris is great too, even if I kinda wish he was just on the jury supporting me. This is our second time playing an ORG together but the first time we played we both went pre-merge, so this really is a big deal for us.

I'm proud of the game I've played though, and I want to make sure that comes across tonight. Even if I ultimately end up losing I won't let myself be called a goat or "just playing for FTC". I came here to win from the very beginning and by the end of the night everyone is going to know that.

I am so nervous for this FTC that I don't think I'll do that good, BUT I'm gonna put on my acting abilities and pretend I am confident and own everything I can! It's do or die and I'm not ready to be six feet under yet!

________________________________________________________________

So I'm very happy with myself when its all said and done! This was such a journey for me in that whether I win or lose I feel satisfied with myself because I had highs and lows and learned things- wishing my fellow finalists the best of luck and huge thank you to the hosts for allowing this to even exist here :)

________________________________________________________________

Zach wins in an 8-1-0 vote!

#episode #shinebright

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nickshares · 7 years

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you’re the best

and im sorry that all of this happened. but i cant emphasize enough that this isn’t your fault. honestly none of this is your fault. sure there can be some moments when i really do wish you could have something differently. but baby honestly those are few and far in between. trust me on that please!

(trust is a word that im going to be using a lot in this post so get used to it. cool.)

i know i told you all of this on the phone but its always nice to have it written down as a reference. plus, writing makes me feel better about everything. no no no. im not being all emotional and sensitive right now. you know why im not like that? because no reason to. honestly, every time i have acted that way, i didnt need to.

let explain:

when i look back at all the times when i would get emotional over something, i would always use the same excuse. that excuse that “oh its just because i love you so much and i dont want anything bad to happen.” but like why would i even think like that? why couldn’t i just put the same faith in you that you had in me. i dont think that you’re not emotional. i really dont think that at all. the thing is that you show emotion when you need to and when its necessary. you don’t need to create unnecessary commotion, bc its exactly that, unnecessary. sophia i admire that so much about you. i want to actually be more like you in that sense. you’re so down to earth and, like i said before, that part of you is just so admirable!

here is basically my thought process in a nutshell:

(you gotta forgive me in advance bc just writing this is really embarrassing and im like ahh why am i like this but this is what goes on)

like i said before, we never feel like anything is wrong when we are with each other bc i dont even bother acting like that when you are with me. im so preoccupied with admiring your presence and your beauty and everything else about you that its really just not worth when we are together in person. but i’ve noticed that it only gets this way when we are away from each other. and i saw it in your eyes and in your expressions that the thing you feared was that this was this was how it would be if you accepted me back. you feared that things would forever stay this way. and when you said that you dont know what went wrong and you dont know how to fix it and you dont know if it could be fixed, well you had every reason to say that. at that time i played the victim when i totally shouldnt have. sure on the surface, that sounded crude and harsh. but when i dove deeper into it, i couldnt avoid how im at fault for mostly all of this. the reason im at fault is bc i would always put the blame on you. whether i was joking or not that was not cool of me. at all.

i cant even imagine what i must put you through. im act so sensitive over things that have no business being reacted that way. like today, i wish i would have realized this sooner, sooner as in the second you told me that you didn't love me as much. a statement like that is too radical to have been said for no reason at all. there was absolutely a reason, you just didnt know of it. i did. but i was to prideful to admit it. you weren’t loving me the same bc i wasn’t allowing you to. i wasn’t acting my normal self. i wasn’t being me. i wasn’t loving you with that pure love that brought us both unbreakable happiness. i think it was just bc i was scared. but the thing is. i shouldnt have been. i think this all started, like i said, with that first arguemnt that we had. i just felt so hurt at that moment and i was scared that you wouldn’t love me the same. and its funny bc that’s exactly how you were feeling to. now trust me, i know with my entire heart that its so easy to love you the same. im sure of it. the reason im so certain is bc i did. when you and i together, sophia you make the world stop spinning. all that i could think about is you and my whole world is about you. but i wouldn’t allow that to carry over whenever we weren’t together. that was the only thing that was different. whenever you’d leave, id always put you into situations that would force you to convince me that you still did love me the same. but i did that constantly, and that was my issue all along. its funny. i would ask you to put your pride aside and just wanted you to apologize when really you had nothing you should have apologized for. in reality, it should have been me. i should have been doing i that i was asking of you.

today was just the day where i took you to your breaking point. you know? i don’t blame you at all for that sophia. please don’t feel sorry that you felt that way. oh i understand what you mean by its not easy loving me sometimes. i was offended at first but i really shouldn’t have been like at all. i thought that “oh wow how could she say that about me as if i could change that about me” but sophia its so simple. the key to that is literally just trust. its not that i didnt trust you before, its that i didnt trust you enough. i act like i have no reason to trust you when really, cmon i have every reason to trust you. you have yet to give me a reason not to trust you. i want to say i dont know why i would act like that but i think i have an idea. like ive said before, everyone likes to have assurance. i cant thank you enough for blessing me with unbelievable loyalty and astonishing love. sure i received some assurance when i would test your promises or when i would put you in those situations– like being difficult on the phone or over text or pretending to leave or anything stupid like that– but that wasn’t really any type of assurance either of us could benefit from. the thing with this approach is that it was the most imminent. i knew immediately that you loved me. it was the most demanding way however, and i could tell by looking back now that it was a lot that i put you through.

you know that drake (ew) line where he says that “you know that if you wasn’t you, you would be dissing you.” well that fits me so perfectly its unreal. if you acted the way ive been acting towards you recently, i have no doubt in my mind that i wouldn’t have loved you the same, as well. i would have gotten annoyed and frustrated with every little thing you did, just as you did with me. the only thing is, i would have reached my breaking point a whole lot sooner. i commend you, actually no, i applaud you for literally dealing with me for this long.

you made the right decision in telling me you felt that way, but i just made wrong decision in choosing to react that way. i could honestly say that i overreacted. and i was too embarrassed to admit it. i knew what the problem was; ive been acting really female. but i was just to embarrassed to tell you that that was the case. so i did everything in my power to avoid admitting that to you. doing so only made a bigger mess for myself and for the both of us. instead of playing the victim, i should have just admitted that i was the problem but i had too much pride to admit it. pride is seriously gonna be the death of me and me and me and me and me and me.

im serious pride is such an ugly thing to posses. i had a lot of it. pride is a terrible thing to own bc it makes you feel like you're infallible and that nothing is ever your fault. but that’s never the case. there is always something you could have done differently that could potentially make things easier for everyone.

this is where you come out of play for a second and it became more of an internal conflict. i was so used to having things my way that i didn't know how to change it. i felt lost and clueless about how to make things better. i was actually doubting that it would be possible, just as you were doing. i did know this, i knew for a fact that i wanted things to get better. you were right when you said that flowers dont make everything better (you were wrong tho if you for a second thought that it would stop me.)

this is going to sound really strange, but i didn't know what else to do but ask God for help. i always mask God with the universe whenever i talk about that with you bc i guess im just too embarrassed to mention that to you; of course it was bc i had too much pride.

it was hard at first actually, i didnt want to “pray to God” bc i just felt too embarrassed, you know? i was thinking, on the off chance that there even was a God, i didnt want approach him out of nowhere and ask for help over something so stupid. but i was really desperate bc like i said, i knew i wanted you so much i was willing to do anything.

all i could think about was this video.

click on that above and you’re gonna see what i think saved me. i was just inspired i guess so i just talked to him. nothing too over the top. nothing too out of hand. all i asked was for us, as a couple, to realize what we are failing to realize and for us to just be happy. you kissed me goodbye which made me so incredibly happy but after that i didnt really think much of it

until i went home. and ill be damned.

now im not trying to make you a believer or anything but im just going to be honest with my personal experience. i dont know what religion is right. i dont know God’s name or what form he comes in. i dont even really know how to talk to him that well but i dont think it even matters. i just believe there has got to be a higher power. someone or something that has a purpose for everything and everyone. someone or something who knows why we’re here and what is going to come after we’re gone. someone or something that put you and i on this earth together for a reason. someone or something that i should thank. and someone or something that i could ask for help when things seem helpless. thats just how i feel. i dont know how you feel about that but thats between you and him. all i want to say is that you should talk to him too.

i know you’ve probably forgotten all that i’ve told you by now but thats okay bc im going to give you a short and sweet recap:

I’m sorry

None of this is you’re fault

Please forgive me

I’m still keeping my promise

No more games

My pride is aside

Things will get better, I promise

You’re still the love of my life

You should talk to him

Please marry me

Thank you

I love you

I hope that this only makes our love grow stronger and that this is just another chapter in our relationship, one which will last a life time.

Nick

June 16, 2017

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