#i love the energy of these pics so much. absolutely sick show + really great crowd. so much fun

[ratboyugly]

sweet pill at first unitarian last friday ❤️❤️

[bathmatblues]

rule: tag 10 people you want to get to know better

i was tagged by: @thebrighteststarsxx (thanks!! i love it when people do this :D)

name: nat

gender: female (tbd)

star sign: sagittarius babeyyyy

height: 5'7" but i might be growing?? it's not ideal

age: 18

wallpaper on my phone: a really cool sunset pic i took out the front of my house and it's like pink and orange and the trees and the house across the street is silhouetted in black and just ugh i love sunsets

house: officially on pottemore i'm a gryffindor but i feel in my heart i'm a ravenclaw (even tho i'm like not really book smart ig idk lmao)

ever had a crush on a teacher?: not romantically but i have looked up to a couple of them and it's mainly bc they supported me expressing myself and i think that's really dope (cough cough my junior english teacher and my junior history teacher)

coolest halloween costume: OKAY when i was 8 i went as albert einstein whom i LOVED at the time (he was also a hyperfixation bc i had done a school project on him in which i had to dress up and be him to present lmao i still have the vids) and i thought it was so cool but when i went walking around trick or treating people kept thinking i was mark twain and i- it still haunts me to this day

favorite 90s tv show: quantum leap (it started in '89 but technically ran into the 90s) (i also don't like friends that much for personal reasons)

last kiss: literally my cat yesterday he's been such a sweetheart lately bless his 14 y/o soul 🥺

have you ever been stood up: not officially but sophomore year i had a friend who took me to homecoming leave me for other friends and i was really upset so i guess that (but now we're good and he realized what happened lmao)

favorite pair of shoes: i LOVE my converse high tops and i even stole my brothers old ones which were newer than the ones i've owned since the 6th grade, but i can also say these boots i thrifted for $10 at goodwill that are absolutely to DIE FOR and they're so comfy and they go great w my striped socks (this whole paragraph screamed "i'm gay")

have you ever been to vegas?: yes. multiple times. we don't really talk about it 😬

favorite fruit: UGH mango or pineapple i'm in love w the tropics

favorite book: forever standing as this is the outsiders by s.e. hinton

stupidest thing you've ever done: well now i've done a lot of dumb shit in my day so it's hard to pin it down but two things that stick out to me are that time when i drank three monster energies in two hours and only ingested twizzlers which led to me feeling very sick from a caffeine overdose for multiple days, and piercing my own ear while in quaratine

all time favorite show(s): schitts creek, the good place, criminal minds, and superstore

last movie you saw in theaters: fuck uhhhhh it might've been parasite back in february but that makes sense bc i was so fuckin busy after that lmao so yeah it was parasite

i tag: @christianemo @dramaqueenfromtatooine @archduke-trans-ferdinand @artromantiic @bookishfawn and anyone else who feels like it lmao

(again thank you for tagging me!! it always makes my heart light up when i see these things 🥺🥺)

[toxiicpop]

nervous: a Logan Elliot fic

this story is for my pal @wybrose who has entertained me prattling all fucken day about her absolute babe of a character Logan Elliot whom I love and adore!!! and made this sick banner image for the story when I asked for a pic of him!!! some of the sketches done during the discussion of this idea literally killed me so yeah!! here!!! enjoy!!!!!

Logan Elliot was cool, calm, and collected in the face of danger. Logan Elliot wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. Logan Elliot was currently dashing into Hot Topic to hide before the girl he had a crush on saw him wandering aimlessly through the mall.

Did she see me? I don’t think she saw me. Fuck, I hope she didn’t see me. He nodded at the guy behind the counter and headed directly for the back corner of the store, where he hid behind a clearance fixture as best as his six foot three frame would allow. He couldn’t see the front as well as he'd hoped, but as long as he kept watching he’d see her before she was halfway through the store and maybe he could make a break for it-

“Finding everything okay?” Shit, the guy from the register had followed him and was eyeing him with a healthy amount of suspicion.

“Nah, yeah. Someone out there I’m trying to avoid,” Logan said. “Mind telling me if a girl in a yellow sweater comes in?”

“What, you mean her?” The employee tipped his head toward the door. Logan straightened up as much as he dared and caught a glimpse of her.

“Shit.”

“Need me to distract her?”

“You mind?” Logan breathed a small sigh of relief when the guy- James, his lanyard said- shook his head. “Thanks. I owe you one, mate.”

“Hey, welcome to Hot Topic! We’ve got some great promos going on right now.” James rambled a bit about a few of their deals and Logan saw his chance while her attention was on something else. He stayed ducked down past fixtures heaped with accessories and clothes until he was beyond the middle of the store, then straightened to his full height and tried to walk casually to the door. Holy shit, it’s working. Only a bit further until he could disappear back into the mall. He had less than twenty feet to freedom when he heard her call “Logan?” He froze, thought Oh, fuck me, and slowly turned to find her waving excitedly.

“Logan, it is you! I was down with my friends at Cinnabon and I thought I saw you come in here!” She bounded up to him with a giant smile and hugged him. He could feel the flush spreading across his face and he prayed it wasn’t noticeable.

“Hey! I didn’t see you, sorry. Been a while, yeah?” he said, his voice much, much calmer than he actually was. His heart, on the other hand, was beating so fast Logan was sure it was going to physically leave his body. He shifted his weight from side to side to try and redirect his nervous energy.

“God, it’s been forever. What are you here for, anyway?”

Logan panicked. “Oh, couple shirts.” He grabbed one at random out of the baskets in front of him. “I like this one, I think.” He unfolded it to take a look and immediately blushed to the roots of his hair. In his rush to escape, he hadn't noticed he was standing right in front of the juniors size shirts. Worse, the one he had picked up was white with a manga speech bubble design that read “Senpai will never notice you” printed in black. Oh my god. Why?

She giggled. “Now I know you’re messing with me. That would never fit you!”

“Wanna bet?” he found himself saying. Oh no, he was trying to be smooth.

“You’re on!” She laughed. “Excuse me sir, could my friend use your fitting room?”

And that was how Logan Elliot, reigning WWE Universal Champion, found himself in a dressing room trying to shimmy himself into a shirt at least a size and a half too small and far too short. After a lot of coaxing he finally managed to get into it completely and he chanced a look in the mirror.

I’ve made a terrible mistake, he thought.

It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was almost skintight across his chest and arms. The hem barely hit the bottom of his ribs, never mind approaching anywhere near his belt. His abs and the deep V lines on his hips were on full display. Logan realized with dawning horror that he had, essentially, crammed himself into a crop top.

“How’s it look?” she called from the other side of the door.

“It's... something,” he muttered.

“Let me see!” she insisted. “I wanna see!”

Logan stared at his reflection. Well, there was no backing down now. Only way out was to own it. He threw open the door.

As soon as she saw him her hands flew up to cover her mouth. Logan was pretty sure he was a shade of red never before seen by man, but he still leaned against the doorframe and struck a pose complete with kissy lips. She almost screamed with laughter, dissolving into hysterics as he flexed, strutted, and spun around to shoot her a flirty peek over his shoulder.

“Oh my god, it’s perfect,” she said when she could somewhat contain herself, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. “You’re a riot. And you don’t look half bad!”

“Y-you really think so?” Logan hated the waver in his voice.

“For sure.” She looked him up and down a little more slowly than he expected. “Very 80s, but not in a cheesy way. Shows you off really well.” Wait, was she blushing?

“I’m buying this,” Logan said abruptly, and whipped back into the dressing room.

A few minutes later, after a lot of struggling to get back out of the damn thing, she waited for him just outside while James rang him out with a knowing smirk on his face the entire time.

“You’re sweet on her, huh?” he said just loud enough for Logan to hear.

“Not a word, mate.” Logan took his receipt. “Thanks for your help though.”

“Good luck!” James called after him with a grin. Logan shot him a two-finger salute with the hand not holding his bag.

When he joined her outside, she smiled up at him and asked, “Where to next?” God, she looked so pretty. And she seemed to like him even though he was a big stupid ball of nerves every time she was around. Seemed as good a time as any to ask her out. He took a deep breath.

“You, uh… you wanna grab some dinner maybe?” he said in a rush.

“Are you asking me on a date, Mr. Elliot?” She was still smiling, gazing up at him through her lashes with the cutest shade of pink coloring her cheeks.

“Depends. Were you checking me out in that shirt earlier?”

She laughed and tucked herself under his arm. “Date it is.”

[punk-rock-pixie]

1-85

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I mean, I won’t lie and say it gives some personal points, but like I won’t date you if you’re a douche, no matter if you look good or not. 

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

I mean, you don’t NEED to be in one, but it is nice to have someone care for you

3. Are you a virgin?

yup

4. Are you in a relationship?

I am yes

5. Are you in love?

I think?

6. Are you single this year?

Well for like the first month I was

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yeah. Even if I’m polyamorous, I won’t act on it if they’re not cool with it

8. Describe your crush

They love birds and also is a witch. We love a lotta the same stuff.

9. Describe your perfect mate

A storyteller, share at least a few interests. Someone I could talk non-stop to or just become a total tree stump. They understand to a good extent how I work and put the same effort in that I do. On the superficial side, I’m partial to the more butch/masc presenting people and possibly taller. 

That being said the person I am dating is actually a few inches shorter than me lmao

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not really, but I feel like there can be a connection, but love takes time.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

I dunno. I haven’t given it much thought.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Depends on the extent????

13. Do you get jealous easily?

I’m kinda jealous, but idk

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

I mean,,,,, yeah???

15. Do you have any piercings?

Just my ears

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Nope

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Only like small pecks. I’m not much on PDA more than like hugging or hand-holding

20. Do you shower every day?

every other day

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I should hope they do????

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Maybe

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I mean, duh?

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I’m happy with it yeah.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Not that I know of???

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

YUP. THEY MANAGED 5 PEOPLE IN THE ONE MONTH OF DATING

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

I wanna make myself look more masc

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Oh yeah. I’m not someone to cry a lot but like?? I’ve had my days

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

mhm

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

HHHH

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

BUDDY

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Most people I’ve kissed are older than me

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yup. Ended poorly

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yup

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yeah. 

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yeah

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Didn’t I say I was a virgin literally in the first few questions

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Depends on the mood I guess

43. How long was your longest relationship?

6 months and they left me for someone else

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

6???

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

I didn’t have my first kiss until 2014

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

BOI

47. How old are you?

Old enough to have chronic back pain and complain about technology apparently.

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I mean I’m sad, but like…. I’m not gonna try to manipulate them?

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

They understand my emotions and are wildly compassionate. NOT TO MENTION HOW TALENTED THEY ARE AT MAKEUP AND UKULELE?

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Maybe, but I wouldn’t really let them back into my life?

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

I don’t think I’d do EVERYTHING for someone, but there is someone I’d do a lot for. 

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Some friends I dropped recently. We brought out the worst in one another, and I felt like it was time to leave and try to put more energy into other people. I don’t think the friendship was a waste of time at all. We just grew into very different people and did more fighting than being friends, and I wasn’t gonna stay in a friendship like that. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

So far they haven’t voiced it so??? I don’t think so?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Absolutely

55. Share a relationship story.

We were in a long distance thing a few years back. We started off as friends and I realized I had feelings, but we waited until the con we met at to make things official. As I was leaving he asked if he could write something about me and he wrote a full 8 pages. Additionally, at our next con, I was super sick (we didn’t know until later I had mono) and almost fainted. He stayed with me the whole time, and, even though I told him it was possible I had mono, he risked it and still kissed me. 

I don’t blame him for not having feelings for me after that. I think we rushed in and were caught up in the obsession, which lasts about 4 months. I was sure of my emotions, and he wasn’t. It’s ok. We knew what we were getting ourselves into to an extent. We’re still distant friends, I think? No hard feelings.

56. State 8 facts about your body

1. I hate it

2. It manages to put away food like it is no one’s business

3. I can wiggle my ears

4. I am very lactose intolerant and get bad stomach aches, but don’t care

5. I can crack my wrist on command

6. Somehow I can get 3 hours of sleep and still function

7. He a tired man

8. My hair and nails grow fucking fast

57. Things you want to say to an ex

Wherever you are, hope you’re doin okay. Sorry things didn’t work out

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

1. Common grounds of interests/morals

2. Be ok with my mood swings and fickleness when it comes to affection

3. Being a storyteller. I love creativity so much?

4. Passion. Someone who is passionate about something (IE hobbies, special interests, etc) is just??? really attractive????

5. I have a thing for people taller than me? Idk

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

Check my “pixie pics” tag (and maybe like or reblog lmaooo)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

a year and a half???

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Usually eyes and their hair

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Being creative and make a project like inspired by me I guess? Idk. Do something unusual. Of course, I am all for cliche, but like being unusual is really cool.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Consensual stimulation of sex organs? Idk

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Being with someone without you’re partner’s/partners’ knowledge and consent

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

WHat?

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

Fuckin long-ass paragraphs STORYTELLING

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Like I said, I love the cliche. Take me to a museum or the park, but even like staying home (If we’ve been seeing one another for a while) and hanging out is cool too. If it’s a first date, something where we can get to talk and know one another

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Probably on the ace spectrum. As for romantic pref?? FLUID AS FUUUUCK

69. What turns you off?

Being rude???

70. What turns you on?

CREATIVITY MAN. IT IS GREAT

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

Fuckin???? I don’t remember my dreams sometimes. Most of them are pretty tame

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

BUDDY NEVER HAD SEX

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Writing a poem or song is super cute??? Or like when I’m feeling as depressed as I am now, just showing up to my house and kidnapping me for a bit for like a trip to the beach? (Shoutout to my friend Cici who has been a big help all weekend and did just that today??)

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Being taller than me and also eye color/hair idk. 

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Refer to 73 where my friend Cici came to my house today WITH ROSES AND FOOD and drove me to the beach and treated me to a few hours of escapism and dinner. She’s a real one. She as well as my sister and my s/o have been helping me through this terrible month. 

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I stayed up all night with someone to help them through a tough time

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

If you’re under 18 be careful. If you’re over 18 as two consenting adults, you’re pretty much fine. If you’re a pedophile, fuck right off, mate.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think I literally ate dirt as a child???

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

A lotta my friends are getting signed on for top surgery and possible HRT, and like, I am very happy for them, and also I feel like garbage because this is something I’ve wanted for YEARS

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I told my sister today

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Pj Liguori, Ethan Nestor, Chris Evans, Hugh Jackman, and Amy Nelson

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My sister

83. Who was your first kiss with?

Someone I was friends with a while ago at my first Fanime. My first real kiss was with my ex girlfriend

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

He sexually harassed his other boyfriend (I was friends with this other guy and we almost saw one another after we broke up with our ex fun fact)

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Yeah probably

[todokori-kun]

WELCOME BACK!

 <3 I really missed you, and it’s so great to hear you had fun! (and omg yes so ready to see all those beautiful pics)

Yaaayyyy join me in MCU feels hell. And oooh, you have a ship for the fandom now! Like, Stoki’s still my favorite Steve pairing but Stony’s really cool too…you know I ship almost everything XD (also am I the only person who sorta hated almost everyone by the end of CW? Like, of course they’re still my favs and there are still some cinnamon rolls, but, come on. Why couldn’t you all just get along ;-;)

Speaking of Illumi, do you know that Hisoka/Illumi is an incredibly popular ship in the HxH fandom? Probably because both of them are so horrible that they have like 0 friends other than each other. Nobody else wants to hang out with these losers. (Chrollo tolerates Hisoka and the adults in Illumi’s family seem to spend enough time with him to give him orders, but that’s about it.) It’s a trash ship with two trashy people and tbh I love it XD

So continuing with the eye jokes, imagine. Hisoillu version of Helpless. Hisoillu version of Satisfied.

“Look into his eyes and the sky’s the limit”

“Intelligent eyes in a hunger-pang frame”

(I know you did thise one before but still) “But when I fantasize at night, it’s Illumi’s eyes”

just, I’m imagining animatics for this with the ‘camera’ zooming in on Illumi’s dead fish eyes every time the lyrics mention them. It’s hilarious and also mildly terrifying

(though I guess if we’re actually making a Hamilton AU Hisoka’s way more likely to do something like Say No To This…)

idk if I’d want to be a parent either really LOL. Kids are adorable but I don’t think I’ll ever be responsible enough to raise one…

If Ishida makes a plot twist or something about it being someone else pretending to be Hide I'm actually gonna get mad. Dude. Not only would that bring the Hide feels right back it’d just make absolutely no sense omg

(also you read the new chapter, right? So, let’s talk about Juuzou and that huge death flag)

I’ve heard of Soul Eater and considered reading it but it’s not really the kind of thing I’m into…artwork’s cute, though, and Death the Kid seems like an interesting guy so maybe someday XD

AGH I’M ACTUALLY SORTA JEALOUS BECAUSE WOW I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW TO WATCH THAT LEGALLY HERE IN KOREA. (unless I ask my dad for help but he doesn’t like manga/anime at all, so…) But yes, I’m really happy Lizzy finally got her moment this time! Now anime-only fans can’t complain about her being a ‘shallow’ character so hopefully there’ll be less fighting over Lizzy in the Kuro fandom :D

FINALLY. Fellow Death Note fan <3333 Who’s your fav? Do you have any ships? Are you done with the anime??? :D (also do you know…you picked a really interesting time to join the DN fandom. The American live-action movie just came out and it sucks so freaking bad, like I haven’t even watched it yet and just from the reviews/clips, here’s what I got:

-They turned Misa into this Harley Quinn-type character. Only without any depth.

-Light/Misa is an actual canon ship, like, it’s not abusive or one-sided like it is in the anime/manga, it’s just…a thing. Light loves Misa. Misa loves Light. It’s like every cringey high school romance movie ever, only with more murder

-They freaking bent the Death Note rules just so Light could get away with all sorts of ridiculous stuff

-L cries, L rants, L is overly emotional

-Light tells L where he hid a page from his Death Note. Light doesn’t deny being Kira. Light shows Misa his Death Note when they like barely know each other and she’s still a complete stranger to him. Light acts like an idiot.

-Oh sure, he’s Kira, God of the New World, but he still cares about going to prom with his girlfriend and making stupid faces as they pose for pictures

-So much unnecessary gore. Heart attacks are Kira’s thing, Light isn’t that emotional about his kills, he doesn’t care as long as the 'villains’ are dead, so why???

-Apparently Rem does not exist. Sayu doesn't exist either. Light’s mom is dead (probably so he can angst over her)

-Light Turner. Light TURNER. Out of all the surnames they could have chosen…

-And now, for the most unforgivable sin:

How dare they not include the Potato Chip scene)

And then random things: JJ and Light have the same voice actor. Yurio and Mello (imo…have you met Mello yet?) could be long-lost twins.

Also:

I’ve fallen into Steven Universe hell and now I’m imagining so. Many. Gem AUs. Have you ever heard of SU?

(look:

1- don’t stress about the messages, and come on, I’d never get mad at you over something like this! You’re way too awesome.

2-  I don’t really know what to say 'cause I’m bad at comforting people, but ugh, it sucks to hear that school’s tiring you out! Queen Luna’s gonna get through this, though. I mean, you’re great at so many things and you’re freaking smart and…this is awkward but maybe you understand Evans Language by now? XD Guess I’m just trying to say that I’m sure you’ll do great, and if you ever need someone to talk to I’m (almost) always free *hugs*

3- Um. So, other than tumblr, I think the only way I can talk with you right now is if we email each other? The email address I used this time is my real one (or rather, my dad’s, since I don’t have one of my own yet…) so maybe we can talk about this more through email and find a better way to contact each other? If that’s ok with you can you send me a message there?)

P.S:

I’ve started college and have no idea what I’m doing

*slams head against keyboard* guess who managed to get sick. It’s only been a week since school started. Whatever, I’m still going to school, but I woke up breathing like a fish on land, bc asthma. Yay.

I’m definitely gonna upload the pics today!!

Okay, but one thing I’m wondering about, is How? Not in a malicious way or anything, I’m genuinely curious to why you ship Stoki (and where it began). Was it that redemption fic you told me about or did you ship it before? 

Tbh, I didn’t hate the characters in CW, I hated the situation. Because there’s so so much pointless conflict that could easily be solved if everyone sat down and talked like normal people. But nooo we have to go around attacking each other. ((ALSO CAP’S LETTER TO TONY, I AM DEAD))

I’ve already learned (and experienced) that shipping is a very weird and unusual thing, so I’ll be honest and say I’m not even surprised that ship exists. At least it has some basis XD

I’m actually tempted to go through the lyrics of the whole musical and find every single eye line there is, only to replace it w Illumi’s eyes.

Not only zooming in on the eyes, the word itself is louder than the rest XD man if only I could draw…

Tbh I’d say I’m responsible enough (HA, that’s more or less a lie), but I’m honestly way too irritated with the little ones to be able to have one of my own. My cousin recently celebrated her 3rd bday and I was stuck looking after her during the party, bc all the adults were talking among themselves and I swear to god, I haven’t moved that much since I had to run 2km for PE. Where do they get their energy. Not to mention the adults thought it would be a good idea to leave me w her, because I’d already drunk 3 glasses of wine (i was bored and not allowed to do anything other than stare at emptiness or look after a 3yo). Turns out my tolerance isn’t that bad after all.

Lol let’s be honest, Ishida would totally do that. He knows the fandom would riot and that’s the whole point.

All the death flags. Tbh I don’t know how I feel about it. It’s obvious that either Touka or Juuzou are probably gonna die and I wan’t neither (If I have to choose tho, I’d rather Juuzou survives.) Also Naki. HNNNNNNGH

I think you’d actually like the manga? It takes a pretty dark turn compared to the anime and deals with lots of mental issues (the whole theme of the later volumes is Madness). Also, lots of death XD Well, the artwork changes drastically, so which one are you talking about XD

The girl in the coat (left first pic, middle 2nd) is the same person for reference. Death the Kid was one of my first anime crushes. The guy has OCD and is a total badass. 

MUHAHAHAHA I think someone uploaded the Lizzy fight to youtube so you can probably find it there, but I am in love. The animation is beautiful, so that’s also a huge plus. All in all, it was handled really well.

Death Note

So last I’ve watched is ep 25, aka the one WHERE L DIES. And i am not okay. I am nowhere near okay. Nope. Not at all.

Oh i’ve heard all about the adaptation. Tbh I find the whitewashing hilarious. Setting the movie in America removes so much of the series’s logic, so why? L being the way he is is probably my favourite mistake. They took the best character and ruined him completely.  POTATO CHIP SCENE NOOOO But my question is: did everything go just according to the keikaku?

Have fun w SU! I’ve watched it for a while, but gave up at some point. I might pick it up again if I have the time ^^ Word of advice, watch out for the fandom, they’re among the most toxic ones I’ve ever encountered. One time, they almost drove an artist to suicide because she didn’t draw Rose ‘thick enough’. So yeah.

What did I do to deserve you as my friend TT^TT Thank you so so much, those words mean more than you can imagine.

Um. Looks like we’ll be staying here, because I never, ever check my mail, despite getting school assignments there, so yeah. If we used mail, you’d probably get a response every leap year.

How does the education system work in Korea? Like, at what age do you start going to which school?

Also, I’ve told you about Mystic Messenger? I think you’d like the newest update, because damn, it’s creeping me out. Also, it’s in Korean, so + ((My thoughts during the prologue of the new route: Nani the fuck))

[halalhyungwon]

Hopefully you get the rest you need Tawa💕! Do you have any fun or interesting concert stories🎫? Cos I have a few that I can share. And if not concert then maybe some travel stories🚉? - EXO-L anon

I hope so too, but knowing me I'm gonna go to sleep at like 3 am LMAO

ooh um I could talk about my first kpop concert!! and i guess it's lowkey also a travel story lol bc it was my first time driving to a different state

((I'm gonna attempt to put a read-more here but knowing tumblr it probably wont work whoops))

i went to see vav last august (nearly a year ago omg!) and it being my first concert I didnt know what to expect but I wanted to go all out!! i ordered a bunch of fanmade banners and a fan, and got VIP tickets so I could get the hi-touch + group picture.

my friend and I probably got to the line about 3 hours before the doors were supposed to open to the venue? there wasnt a super long line but there was still plenty of people there (I get so proud/happy when I compare it to their more recent concert because there was SO many people the line was much longer and the venue was so much more packed) I think it was really my first time being around so many people who avidly liked kpop?? I was so excited to be able to gush about my biases to other people and people were blasting vav and other groups' songs and we were all singing and dancing along. the energy was just!! really good I loved it, and loved seeing all the different types of people coming? I saw people who were around my age and people who were like. kids lmao. and also parents just coming along with their kids, but then parents who legit stanned vav along with their kids lol

since we were early and we had time before the doors opened, my friend and I walked around to find something to eat (we hadn't really eaten since that morning before we left for new jersey) and stumbled upon this little Italy festival? or something like that. there was tons of food and it was pretty cool. had we not had to go to the concert we probably wouldve wanted to check out more of it, but we really only got food, ate, then walked back to the venue.

i dont remember how long we stood in line but it wasnt terribly long? and at one point one of vav's staff came around to record the line and had us saying stuff like "vav saranghae" or "fighting" or something idr. (theres a vav behind episode where they showed it and you can see me :') but I dont remember which episode off the top of my head lmao)

the venue staff was a bit disorganized and we waited a bit longer than we were supposed to and I'm pretty sure it was lightly raining at one point? but once we got in all those inconveniences were forgotten bc omg I was about to see vav!! and tbh the fact that I was going to see them still didnt seem real to me until I saw them walk onto that stage!! like it was such a weird experience of having people that you've only ever seen behind a screen, suddenly are actually right there in front of you..

the concert was absolutely amazing and I screamed my heart out, and I lowkey feel bad for the girl who was standing next to me bc I really didnt shut up lmaoo being able to experience so many if my favorite songs was so incredible and gave me a new appreciation for the songs that werent always my faves. I know they had little parts where they talked and goofed around but I dont remember much other than screaming any time jacob did anything 💀💀💀 they did a couple special stages where they performed things for the first time, and at the time señorita hadn't come out yet but they performed it for us!! and I just felt so special bc we were their first US stop and we were some of the first fans to get to hear that song 😭😭 they also did a couple covers and they are just really fun group on stage omg I love them

after the concert they had VIP & VVIP people get lined up for the group photos. when I was in line I was talking to this girl and her friend and they were really nice I kinda miss them pdgsksh i ended up giving one of the girls my st. van banner bc hes her bias and she had issues with getting her banner. since I had a banner for each member (and most importantly, my biases lol) I didnt mind giving it to her! plus she just looked so happy when I gave it to her 😭

the hi-touch went by way too quickly and I'm sad bc I barely remember my experience with seeing ace & jacob and they're my whole biases,, I just remember that ziu legit grabbed onto my hand and that geumhyuks smile is the most mesmerizing thing you will ever see and I think about it everyday like I still cant get over the fact that he smiled at ME, eye contact and everything 😭😭😭😭

I think one of the best things about the concert was that after the show and group pics, they let you take individual, Polaroid pictures with any member(s) (at a price of course but,, it was only 10 dollars per pic!!) the first person I went to was Jacob which was kinda nervewracking bc i mean he was my main vav bias and I was still trying to get my head around the fact that he was real!! for the pics there were poses you could choose from, and the one I chose was with us holding hands 😭😭 and then I awkwardly asked for a hug and he obliged ;;-;;

I went to take pics with geumhyuk and,, idek know what to say without just repeating myself but I'm telling you he has the most beautiful smile ever. after we took the pic he said thank you but in my mind I was like,, no,, thank YOU 😭

next I went to take pictures with ace and omg i really dont know what it is about his eyes but to me they are absolutely STUNNING like you can literally get lost in them omg hes so gorgeous okay anyway moving on-- it was almost his birthday so I wished him a happy birthday and!! we hugged!! we're practically best friends now right? (I'm kidding..or am i?)

after ace I took pics with my baby ziu!! hes so funny which I mean I bin knew but it was fun goofing around with him. i was wearing a pin with his face on it so when i walked up to him he was like "that's me!" hes so precious 😂😂🤧😭😭

after this I realized that my Polaroid with Jacob didnt develop well, so I asked a staff member if I could retake and they were like sure! so I went back in line to get my snapshot with Jacob. since I had a second chance I was thinking of changing up my pose with him, but he I guess he remember the pose I did before and once I walked up to him he just immediately took my hand and i just gdjfgdkg?? 😭😭😭 my heart melted... and of course as I walked away I dropped like all my stuff and everyone in a 7 foot radius was like oh no!! 💀💀💀 but I scrambled and picked my stuff up, thanked Jacob and scurried out of there skdgdkh

(oh and I shared my pics here)

since I was in VIP I got to take my pics before the general admission people. my friend was in GA so I had to wait for her outside bc the staff werent letting people wait inside the building. and then it started raining. like really hard 😭😭😭 I'm blessed I didnt get too sick bc I think I was outside for like half an hour. but at one point a kind soul did hover their umbrella over me which I really appreciated :((

after my friend finished up we went to 7-eleven to grab some snacks and then we got an uber back to our hotel, where we showered and ate our ramen and did face masks

the next day since we were close to New York we drove down to the city and walked around some cute shops. we went to the saem shop and they had a bunch of seventeen posters and standees up so I was geeked the whole time 😂😂

honestly it was a really great experience to have as my first kpop concert, and just first concert in a long time. I'm really grateful I got to have the experience ☺️

[monolid-monologues]

TMI meets TMO. (as in, sharing Too Much Info will Talk Me Out of heartbreak, maybe?)

#6.

And yet another week flies by..with nothing to publish. because i haven’t been writing over the week.

Actually, plenty of writing, but, very personal writing. Where it was not happening: my tinyletter drafts. Where it was: my yellow moleskin journal i lug around everywhere. And THESE DAYS I really mean everywhere every day because…………….. well………………… WELL. WELL, HERE:

Let’s start with some context.

My last Mainstage production at UC Davis before graduating was the great beautiful and miraculous The Bluest Eye. I kid you not, I felt in my BONES how much this production would affect me. I needed to be in it. I had conflicts with another show overlapping rehearsal/show times. I got cast (joy!!!!!), then dropped (NO!!!!!!!). I caused a lot of ruckus and trouble lol. I insisted I NEED TO BE A PART OF THIS. My gut was one thooooooousand percent right. I wish this kind of ensemble experience for every student theatre artist. In this show, I enjoyed the presence of the most colorful mothafking cast i’ve ever seen in a play. We understood the importance of our work and the importance of each other in this work. We threw ourselves into shared purpose. We created and held a treasured space for love and chaos. We brewed so much love it was like a drug in a league of its own; we gave and received so much energy together we were all bonafide high off each other’s presence.

This show was selected to participate in a festival and compete for national awards and recognitions. Like 1 of 30 across the country. Part of me cannot believe a theatre production from UC Davis Major University for the Sciences was invited to this robust/artsy-theatre-program-school-type-shit festival. But also, part of me knows how special what we put on was, is, will be. The life-sized puppets, the ensemble work, the story, the purpose — we shared something rare, relevant and powerful. White Theatre Be Shooketh.

As you can tell, i’m fiercly in love with this production. And the point of this context is that we are now reuniting to put this show back together and take it to Oregon for 1 week this FEBRUARY!

and i’m getting to my point now....

That spring, i told you, i knew being in this show was going to impact me beyond words. But what i could NOT have known. What i never expected. What has been haunting me for months: Falling in love with someone in this show. I couldn’t have known that someone I’d never known before this show was going to shake. me. to. my. core. In meeting this person, knowing this person, falling in love with this person, and letting go of this person, i have undergone and am still getting through a terribly overdue re-awakening of my independence.

It gets really messy okay. For me to go INTO it, i need to go into my my open relationship, my relationship with my then partner of nearing 5 years (who was set to move in with me in the end of spring, closing the gap on our LDR), and my trapezing around town with this person I just met. The short version is this: I was careless, reckless, and naive; ignorant of my partner, ignorant of my needs, and of my own spiritual well-being. At that time, with just that person by my side, i felt fucking invincible. But I was being real clumsy.

Fast forward to the end of that spring — my partner moves back in with me, i tell this person we need to just be friends now, and everything feels wrong. I’m lying in bed with my partner, crying my eyes out because i hate letting go of this person. My partner is finally back home with me and I’m crying my eyes out because the truth was i have never felt for anyone what i felt for this person, and that included my partner. This is, of course, when i realize my partner and i need to break up.

I’m dumb in love with the most awful timing — it is absolutely not the right time for me to “be with someone” — and the most obstinate hubris — “I can handle the drama”. The relationship between me and this person is becoming increasingly tumultuous. I feel distance; I feel coldness; I feel confused. I keep biting my tongue; I keep second-guessing myself; I keep killing my impulse. I keep telling myself this is what I want! I want HIM! But what the fuck do I know about what i need? I haven’t been single in 5 years. I can barely recognize myself. There’s so much self-discovery to do. I had no business trying so hard to be with someone, when i didn’t even give myself the chance to consider what it meant to be alone.

I was absolutely in need of time with myself. Time for myself. time alone. alone. alone. alone. alone.

I understood this when I spent the following summer in Vermont. off grid. in frequent solitude. and the fellowship of a beautiful few.

I nearly forgot it when i came back from Vermont, and started trying to be with That Person. Dare i admit i became desperate? I opened myself wide open to you, in such haste, that I nearly hallowed myself of all my hard-earned and beloved sacred energy to make any kind of space i could so that you would fit. so that i could maybe possibly somehow someway make it fit, make it work. Obvious spoiler: it didn’t work.

When i was trying to make it work, i was someone different. My best friend had never seen me in such a state: so in love with someone, and so unable to get a grip on myself. Sitting across from me, or soothing me on the other end of the phone, she is shocked to witness me so paralyzed, so fearful, so insecure. She wants the best for me and i don’t care, i just want him. As I run this back through my memory, I am shocked too. I’m a little embarrassed but mostly deeply empathetic towards myself then: i needed to be alone, but i couldn’t let go. Whatever i was trying to have…Whatever i was holding onto…was suffocating my life. And I insisted on being choked and being fine.

How did this become the cliff notes to my love life? I want to share with you the magnitude of this person’s affect on my heart, so that when i say: I HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN FOR THIS FESTIVAL

you understand

the

storm

resurging

in a place i thought was healing.

I was healing. I was letting go molecule by molecule. I was steaming off the memories layer by layer. I was cutting myself off from dangerous dwellings. I was doing my god. damn. best. to thoroughly leave this person in the past where this whole thing belongs.

Yet, The Bluest Eye is reviving for at least one more stretch in February. I’ve just come back from Davis (last night Sunday); we had our first full meeting and puppet rehearsal. This is to say, i saw the guy, in the flesh, and spent the whole week prior bracing myself for it. In the spirit of self-effacing honesty: i nearly didn’t go. But i decided it is a test of strength and it is a test of independence and it is allowing my craziness to overcome my insecurities. I was going to be in a room with this guy for 5 hours and dig my nails into myself, stay loyal to myself, and be Who I am unyieldingly. I felt really good about it when i left. I proved to myself that i could be the open and loving person i am even if the guy wrenching my heart is 5 feet away. 

Being so distracted and confused by the pain and longing that i missed the opportunities to exchange energy with the rest of the room around me would have been my biggest regret. 

As i said, i left feeling quite good, proud, and at peace with my vulnerabilities.

Maybe i’m not 100% recovered, but i’m clearly, very clearly, in the THICK of recoverING, and i am truly growing, and moving forward step by step by step. 

In Davis, my good friend tells me: “if it’s not good for you, it’s not love”. Before I left for Davis, my best friend reminded me: “you’re trying too hard to fill in the blanks.” I’ve learned: “You can’t give what you can’t give.” (More familiar is the saying: you can’t give what you don’t have.)

To be completely honest, this beautiful show getting this beautiful chance at national recognition has ripped open such deep, old, ill-healing wounds in my heart. with a GIANT sigh, i am re-facing re-surfacing emotional ghosts, hurled back into combatting some very volatile mood-swinging emotional crises. In my personal journal this week i worked up a motherfkn STORM. My journal may as well be dripping from all the gel pen.

and meanwhile, my tinyletter’s been blank blank blank blank empty dusty blank………… and somehow, addressing my lack of tinyletter-ing, has revealed a very private part of my life. it is true: i was very busy private journaling, i didn’t have steam to write for the blog.

now i feel kind of sick this is the story for this week, i mean this is what came out, but this is all “VERY PERSONAL TERRITORY KEEP OUT”’. it’s honestly sort of unfortunate that this week’s letter has be to about my love life.

well there we go anyway.

Wow, Well, To leave on a more caustic, casual note~

THOUGHTS I KEEP COMING ACROSS AS I USE HINGE............

so many Del Playa/Newport, suit wearing, beer touting, IM ON A BOAT white bro motherfuckers (this is the first demographic i kept seeing on my recommended. happy to say hard passing each and every one of them has changed the algorithm).

why tf is pineapple on pizza such a hot topic lmao

BUT WHAT’S THEIR ENERGYYYYYYYYYY LIKE??????!!!!!!

But how old are these pictures man *scrutinizing any available time stamps*

Oh, :O HE’S………not the cute one in the pic………….

Pictures say 33 but profile age says 23, iooonnooooo sir

weird flex weird flex weird flex

if you think they’re 20 miles away from you, always add 20 more…………..

am i having an averse reaction to your profile because you remind me of someone? ~_~

am i really attracted to your profile because you remind me of someone? ~_~

ARE THESE SHENANIGANS THE BEST USE OF MY TIME???????????

It seems this is what comes out of me when I have nothing prepared to write about...

Nothing like rashly revealing too much info to motivate a better, more though-out next week. LOL. 

wish me luck, and see you then.

* * *

i’ve committed to being vulnerable in writing every week. if u want it straight shot to your inbox: https://tinyletter.com/rose-artrat

previous letter:  #5.) God Bless a Good Mess

for random thoughts, random questions //

http://monolid-monologues.tumblr.com/ask

[bruceeves]

“Work # 965: Him & Me”

HIM: What’s up Butchie? ME: Up and at all day and now I’m off to bed . . . alone :-( . . . HIM: I know what that's like far too well. ME: It's a bugger the single life. HIM: I’ve been single for 20 yrs. I’m reaching out for friendship, boys, men, and of course subs ‘n slaves. I know I don't want to be single anymore. I’m tired of it. ME: I was with a guy for years and we got married on out 25th anniversary . . . and then cancer decided to pay a visit. I’ve been single now since 2004. HIM: I’ve been single since I was 24, I’ve been since 1996. I was with an 18 yr old. He was lovely; he hooked up with an older mature guy, stable and money. HIM: Sorry for your loss. ME: Thanks, I’m over it now (sort of) I guess. HIM: That's good. It’s good to share. ME: It is. I’m Bruce btw. HIM: Hi Bruce. Marty here. ME: Hiya Marty, I’m in Toronto, you're at which lake? Ontario has a lot of them. HIM: Ontario is blessed with lakes and water. I’m at the height of the Ontario watershed, I’m on Lake Temagami. It’s an artist’s paradise. I also hold my own art shows and invite guests. ME: Do you curate as well? HIM: I have thought of doing that, I also looked at a grant for that I saw a grant for $50 to $70,000 for that. Wufff. ME: You'd have a good chance of getting it too because of your location. I’d not applied for arts funding for years and years but I’m going to submit to the Ontario Arts Council this year in the Senior Artist category. What kind of work do you do Marty? HIM: I paint but won’t claim it’s my forte not even for a millisecond. I create in cloth, leather and use fur as well.im also mixed race Native and White. So a lot of my work has a Native influence. I bead as well. Make simple jewelry. I do leather craft, and my fave works are with quills and bark. I also make touristy things like organic dream-catchers, drums and the like. HIM: Do you have a big cock? ME: Being mixed-race gives you a leg up in the arts grant department and I have a average sized cock (cut) and you? HIM: I can work the First Nations angle till death. I’m above thickness with average length. HIM: Cut. ME: That sounds tasty! If you check out the O.A.C. site they explicitly say priority is given to aboriginal artists. My grandmother's grandmother was Cree, but I wouldn't dare . . . HIM: LOL ME: Could I see some more pics? HIM: I have a status card if that helps, I live on rez too. HIM: Did you see my pics in the profile??? If so that all I have. HIM: Do you know the Asspig site? ME: I’m just a standard member so I can't access anything but the most public pics. I know that site yes. The status card and rez would be helpful indeed. HIM: Here’s a few. HIM: Many people come to the rez to buy arts and crafts and I help them spend their money. ME: Nice looking fella . . . . HIM: Thanks. ME::-) I’m going for a walk now – I’ve got to get out of the house. Talk to you later Marty . . . HIM: Later. ME: Back . . . but I’m going out for the evening (nothing exciting). HIM: That's OK I'm at a dinner meeting. ME: My evening turned into a dud -- I went to a screening and it was sold out! HIM: Ahhh shitty. Hate that shit. ME: I know, but it got me out of the house for a bit and I had a nice chat with the filmmaker who's sort of a friend so at least he knows I tried to see his work. There may be a future screening so all's not lost. HIM: That's good to hear, do you have contact info for him or the screening, can u reserve a seat??? ME: It's the Images Festival and its all first come first serve :-( HIM: Ah SHITTY. ME: It's no big deal. How’s your week going Marty? HIM: Busy, busy, busy, and I love it, making a few extra bucks for hydro bill. ME: Same on this end -- I'm chained to the computer for the next few days (and not in the good way) to plow through a whole lot of stuff -- I’d prefer to sit in my back yard and watch the flowers grow, but . . . . HIM: I’m looking at the ice surrounding my island, wishing for hot weather, time to start boating, lovely break up, countless ice crystals clinking on the shore line, the loons haunting cries, the eagles, the moose the bear etc... love it. ME: Sounds fantastic (except for the ice) I’ve got a nice big garden and everything is starting to pop up now. HIM: I’m about 500 km north of you. ME: I’m beginning to hate the city – if I didn't have a back garden I think I’d go nuts. HIM: I hated the city a long time ago. I love living on the lake. ME: I’ve never learned to drive, so moving to the country would be a problem. HIM: Well I know how to drive, I have driven around the island, although it’s kind of not legal. I’ll take keys off people if they had a few drinks. ME: Why is it not legal? Good that you're the designated driver though. HIM: I don't have a driver license. ME::-) I can see how that could get you into a bit of trouble . . . HIM: True. ME: Have you ever been caught? I hope not. HIM: I was pulled over by the police more than 20 years ago as a DD without a license. He didn't even ask for a drivers permit. ME::-) My dad got stopped by the cops once because he was driving too slowly – they thought he was drunk. He was just looking at the farms and scenery . . . :-) HIM: Shitty but it’s nice to see the countryside. ME: Yes, I grew up in the country north of Toronto. HIM: Very nice, what area? ME: Newmarket – it was a tiny town when we moved there, my dad was born there but moved away, now it's huge and not so great. But when I was there I wanted out, there was nothing there for a gay kid. HIM: I guess not, yeah that area really developed. ME: It's pretty awful now. HIM: It’s a shame the lands around Toronto are built up, it’s the best farmland in Canada. The first 400 km with in distance of the CN Tower is the best farmland in Canada. Sprawled up ugly fucking houses. ME: hopefully the green belt has stopped that. HIM: It’s too bad Toronto and surrounding area didn't build up first and then out. I hate those houses especially in the Maple area near Wonderland. Fucking ugly houses with all those foreigners living in them. ME: Toronto is very sprawling, it's a result of not being hemmed in by geography – but the lessons have been learned and the city is now becoming more intensified and vertical (which in itself causes other problems. I lived in NYC for many years and HATED IT there, but as far as livable cities go Toronto is up near the top. Off for my daily walk now . . . HIM: Yes Toronto is one of the world, this I already know. I lived there for 7 years. ME: How long ago were you living here -- I moved in 1978 and came back in 2001. HIM: I was there 1996 to 2003. ME: We could have crossed paths. HIM: Probably. You are familiar looking, by chance did you ever have a boyfriend named Allan and he worked at Bubs Subs, Church and Wellesley. ME: No -- I’d come back to Toronto with my man John in 2001 and we were together until he died in 2004. HIM: Sorry to hear of your partner’s death. ME: It was quick -- he was sick for only six months. HIM: Wow. Sorry to hear that nonetheless. HIM: BTW you have nice pits. ME: Thank you very much! HIM: I love pit hair.... especially thick, burly belly and chest hair. HIM: What are you into sexually? ME: Actually I’m sort of vanilla. HIM: Oh sorry. I’m anything but vanilla. ME: What are you into? HIM: Leather, rough, all left black, navy, red, yellow, grey. ME: I understand all the colours except grey. HIM: Bondage. ME: That's right, now I remember. HIM: I’m into more than that. Love nasty raunch, too. ME: I’m mostly a kisser and cocksucker, boring I know. HIM: They can be good too. ME::-) You're too kind. HIM: I love guys who suck and swallow. Wooffff. ME: I do both. HIM: Nothing like a good service pig to suck a nice cock and bring him to completion. ME: I also like 69ing and then mixing the cum together on our tongues. HIM: I loveeeeee 69. I can get sucked off for hours without cumming but I tend to blow quickly if I 69. ME: And cum eating? HIM: I’ve only eaten cum once from another guy. ME: Mine tastes very good. HIM: That's nice...... I really don't get much action round here, but I do crave to suck cock and fuck. I would suck yours and swallow it. I know I wanna suck. I wasn't much into sucking when I was younger. ME: I’d let you suck my cock anytime :-) HIM: LOL I’m sure. You shooting neg or poz loads? ME: I’m clean, negative. HIM: I hate the line, I’m clean. It’s like anyone else who has been infected in some shape or form is dirty. Its dehumanizing really. I’m poz. Wanted you to know that. ME: Sorry my mistake – you're right. I’m not one of those idiots that run for the hills when they hear poz. HIM: That's good. ME: I lived through the darkest days of the epidemic in the 80s and 90s when I was in NYC. HIM: Wow. That’s very impressive and sad at the same time. ME: It was absolutely horrible, HIM: You made it though and yuu are strong for that. I think it was created in a lab and used to depopulate. ME: That's crossed my mind and the minds of many others as well. HIM: Sure it’s just a branch in the plan to depopulate the world. ME: There was an overt attempt to stigmatize gay men in the '80s and '90s and I’m not entirely sure that that has not gone away, it's just less hostile and aggressive. HIM: Well the ‘80s was harsh as a teen and the ‘90s were pretty gay. ME: That whole period was really hard for me, especially because I was living in a place that I hated, it got better when I came back to Canada but then was almost immediately followed by tragedy. It’s good now though. HIM: Yikes. ME: I came back to Canada in 2001 and in 2003 both my mother and my partner were in the same hospital at the same time. HIM: I’m sure it feels a bit of relief to share the grief. But sometimes you gotta think does the person need or are able to hear it, how will they feel afterwards. I don't wanna hear any more depressing energy from you. ME: Fine, my life is good now. HIM: That's good. ME: Yes it is, except for not enough money and no boyfriend, it's perfect. HIM: LOL I hear you. ME: Such is modern life, I think. HIM: I ain’t a fan of modern. ME: 21st century then. HIM: I love my life in the bush. ME: I like my back garden – it's facing away from the city, it's quiet, relaxing. HIM: That's always nice. I had a shitty apartment and no garden or yard in the city.... I miss my friends, music, men and the convenience of food. My yard is now Lake Temagami, have a look-see. ME: That's fantastic. HIM: I’m so blessed to be here and love it so much. Although there’s no gay community here, I’m wanting love and have considered moving, I’m thinking south-west New Mexico or Palm Springs, California. ME: Are there any larger small towns nearby that may have a fledgling community? HIM: The nearest bigger center is North Bay. HIM: Really funny I connected with a slave last night from North Bay. ME: How far is that away from you? HIM: A little over an hour away. ME: That's not too bad at all -- I’d imagine North Bay has some sort of gay community, or am I wrong to assume that? HIM: It’s closeted, its small and although there is a rainbow church. ME: Sounds old fashioned but it's better than nothing -- in a lot of ways Toronto is kind of closeted too. HIM: I’m a Satanist now. ME: Oh? HIM: yes it’s been about 5 months of the dark side for me, I love it. ME: That may narrow the community a bit. HIM: I don't care. Since my change it’s been hotter, already had a boy visit me and more on the way. Its working for me 100 fold already. Today is the 50 year anniversary of the church of SATAN . . . HS. I rejoice in the darkness. ME: What does it offer that you can't get elsewhere? HIM: I don't need to explain it to you. ME: OK. HIM: That's good. ME::-) HIM: Butchie . . . pick a subject, fetish or kink. ME: Fetish. HIM: What’s the hottest fetish out there? What’s fetish mean to you? ME: I just got in and I’m sort of drunk -- I’ll think about this. HIM: LOL where did u go??? ME: I spent many hours at The Black Eagle . . . fetish-wise I sort of have a thing for muscle worship. HIM: AHHH LOVED THE BLACK EAGLE. DOES IT STILL HAVE THAT RANK ODOUR TO IT? ME: They've installed a dance floor . . . a dance floor!!!!!! HIM: Wow. ME: Yes, I was shocked. HIM: Wow. ME: It’s just like any ordinary bar now. HIM: I heard they even allow females. ME: There were none there yesterday and I don't think there's a female washroom, so I’m not sure. HIM: I had heard awhile back females were allowed. ME: Apparently 1/3 of Woody's customers are now women. HIM: When I left the city, the scene was still somewhat sacred. ME: I haven't been to Church Street in years. Sunday night was the first time in forever, and it was pretty ridiculous. HIM: LLLOOOLLL. ME::-) The Eagle has a dance floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIM: Yes you told me earlier, I still can’t believe it. Wow. ME: Neither can I, I just keep repeating to myself inside my head -- a dance floor? a dance floor! a dance floor? a dance floor! . . . HIM: OK we both know it, now we can both accept the sacrilege. ME: I will never darken their door again  HIM: LOL ME::-) morning . . . HIM: morning Butchie. ME: I’m out in the garden all day today. HIM: Good for you. ME: Did a lot of veggie planting and then I had a nap. HIM: That's a good days work. ME: And it's going to be warm from now on plus rainy – I have more to put in but the stock isn't in yet. I like gardening, it's relaxing. HIM: Of course it is, gardening is amazing. ME: My back is so sore now though. HIM: Good. ME: YEAH? Then give me a massage. HIM: It means you’re alive. ME::-) I’ll finish the rest of the planting today. HIM: Don't ever complain to me when your white and male and living in North America..... you could be a nigger starving in Africa. Or a woman in the Middle East with one arm because her other hand was chopped off for stealing a loaf of bread because she was hungry and trying to feed her babies. ME: I’m not complaining about anything and the rant is uncalled for. HIM: Frankly, I don't care about your gardening when this is a sex kink site. Have a nice life Butchie. Don’t message me again.

April 17-May 6 2016