#i mean he sure as hell smarter than einstein but u get what i mean 💀

[thaliasthunder]

aslan jade callenreese wearing golden wire framed glasses you will always be in my heart

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

The Skaian Bride

Caliborn: SO, IT IS DOWN TO YOu, AND IT IS DOWN TO ME

Roxy: *steps forward*

Caliborn: IF YOu WANT ME TO KILL MY SISTER, THEN PLEASE, KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

Roxy: let me explain-

Caliborn: THERE’S NOTHING TO EXPLAIN. YOu’Re TRYING TO KIDNAP WHAT I’VE RIGHTFuLLY STOLEN

Roxy, *gently stepping forward*: mayb we can reach an arrangement.

Caliborn: THERE WILL BE NO ARRANGEMENT, HuMAN PERSON, AND YOu ARE KILLING HER WITH EVERY STEP

Roxy: but if we can’t get no arrangement, then we’re at an impasse

Caliborn: I’M AFRAID SO. I SAD AS IT MAY BE, CAN’T COMPETE WITH YOu PHYSICALLY. BuT YOuR WOMAN HEAD IS NO MATCH FOR MY BRAINS

Roxy: ur that smart?

Caliborn: LET ME PuT IT THIS WAY: HAVE YOu EVER HEARD OF EINSTEIN? HAWKING? STRIDER?

Roxy: ye

Caliborn: MORONS.

Roxy: srsly? then in that case, i challenge u to a battle of wits.

Caliborn: FOR MY SISTER?

Roxy: yeah

Caliborn: TO THE DEATH?

Roxy: sure y not?

Caliborn: THEN I ACCEPT.

Roxy: sweet. then pour the juice.

Calliope: don’t i get some say in all this?

Caliborn: NO

Roxy, *pulling out some powder*: sniff this, but don’t touch.

Caliborn: I SMELL JACK NOTHING.

Roxy: what ur not smellin is called iocane powder. it don’t smell or taste, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadlier poisons known to man, troll, or cherub

Caliborn: HMM.

Roxy, *pouring the powder into the juice behind her back*: alrite, where’s the kill juice? our battle of wits has begun. it ends when u decide and we both drink, and find out who’s rite and who’s ded.

Caliborn: BuT IT’S SO DAMN SIMPLE. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DIVINE WHAT I KNOW OF YOu. ARE YOu THE SORT OF HuMAN WHO WOULD PuT THE POISON IN HER OWN GLASS OR HER ENEMIES?

CALIBORN: NOW A SOMEWHAT CLEVER PERSON WOuLD PuT THE POISON IN THEIR OWN GLASS, BECAuSE THEY WOuLD KNOW THAT ONLY A TOTAL CHuMP WOuLD TAKE WHAT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE. uNLIKE YOu, I’M NO CHuMP, SO I CAN CLEARLY NOT CHOOSE THE DRINK IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. BuT YOu MuST HAVE KNOWN I’M MORE CLEVER THAN THAT, YOu WOuLD HAVE COuNTED ON ME BEING SMARTER THAN SuCH A SIMPLETONS TRICK, SO I CAN CLEARLY NOT CHOOSE THE DRINK IN FRONT OF MY HANDSOME FACE

Roxy: soooooo…… u’ve made ur mind then?

Caliborn: NOT EVEN CLOSE. CAuSE IOCANE COMES FROM ALTERNIA, AS EVERYONE KNOWS. AND ALTERNIA IS POPuLATED ENTIRELY BY CRIMINALS AND BACKSTABBERS. AND SCuM LIKE THEM CAN’T BE TRuSTED AND THEY KNOW IT, LIKE YOu AND ME. SO I CAN’T TOuCH THE DRINK IN FRONT OF YOu.

Roxy: truly, u have a dizzying intellect -_-

Caliborn: WAIT TIL I GET GOING! NOW, WHERE WAS I?

Roxy: troll land

Caliborn: YEAH YEAH ALTERNIA I KNOW, SHuT uP. ALTERNIA, SO YOu MuST HAVE SuSPECTED THAT I WOuLD EASILY PARSE OuT THE POISONS ORIGIN, SO I SuRE AS SHIT CAN’T TOuCH THE DRINK YOu GAVE TO ME

Roxy, *antsily*: ok now ur just stallin

Caliborn, *laughing like a lunatic*: YOu’D LIKE TO THINK THAT WOuLDN’T YOu MISS SMARTY PANTS? YOu’VE BEATEN MY BRuTES, WHICH MEANS YOuRE STRONG FOR A HuMAN. SO YOu COuLD HAVE PuT THE POISON IN YOuR OWN CuP AND MAYBE GOTTEN BY ON YOuR STRENGTH TO SAVE YOuR SORRY ASS. SO THE DRINK IN FRONT OF YOu IS NO GOOD. BuT YOu’VE ALSO BEATEN CROWBAR WHICH MEANS YOuRE NOT QuITE AS STuPID AS YOu LOOK BECAuSE YOu’VE DONE SOME STuDIES. AND IN LEARNING ALL THAT CRAP YOu MuST HAVE LEARNED HOW MORTAL HuMANS REALLY ARE SO YOu WOULD HAVE PuT THE POISON FAR AWAY FROM YOuR MuG, SO OBVIOuSLY MY DRINK CAN’T BE WHAT I PICK!

Roxy: ur tryin to get me 2 tell u somethin, it’s not happenin

Caliborn: uNFORTuNATELY FOR YOu, IT HAS WORKED! YOu GAVE EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE YOuR WEAKSAuCE POISON IS!

Roxy: then pick already jeez!

Caliborn: I WILL, AND I CHOOSE OH SHIT WHAT’S THAT BEHIND YOu?

Roxy, turning around: huh whats what?

Caliborn, *switching the cups around*: DAMN I COuLD HAVE SWORN I SAW SOMETHING. WHATEVER. HEHE.

Roxy: whats so funny?

Caliborn: ILL TELL YOu IN A BIT. I MADE MY CHOICE, YOu DRINK FROM YOuRS, AND I DRINK FROM MINE.

Roxy: cheers bro

*they both drink their juice of indeterminate poisoning*

Roxy: u guessed wrong lil man

Caliborn: AAAHHAHAHHHAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHA!

Caliborn: YOu ONLY THINK I GuESSED WRONG YOu SIMPLE BITCH! THAT’S WHAT’S SO FuCKING FuNNY! I SWITCHED THE GLASSES WHILE YOuR BACK WAS TuRNED!! YOu ABSOLuTE FOOL!!! YOu RuBE!!!!

Caliborn: YOu FELL VICTIM TO ONE OF THE CLASSIC BLuNDERS! THE MOST FAMOuS IS”NEVER GET INVOLVED IN A LAND WAR IN SKAIA.” BuT ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS WELL KNOWN IS “NEVER BET AGAINST A CHERuB WHEN DEATH IS ON THE LINE!!!”

Caliborn: AAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Caliborn: *DIES*

Calliope: thank yoU for that. he was getting rather obnoxioUs.

Roxy: no prob bob

Calliope: to think all that time yoU poisoned yoUr cUp and risked dying jUst for me

Roxy: o no they were both poisoned. I just spent the last few years building up a tolerance for poisons

Calliope: ......

Calliope: roxy, what the hell?