#i need this shit HD BRUH

[targaryenhues]

Saltburn Spoiler of Michael Gavey (Ewan Mitchell) in a suit

[girzapata6]

Guess who got their glasses today? :D

[likethecatiam]

I Just Watched The Crow and Here Are the Thoughts I Had

Is this supposed to be like New York?

Devil’s Night huh

I can’t seeeee

I paid $4.28 for HD do I need glasses

Oh okay it’s better

Alright alright I see her where is He

No he’s not lying, she lives doesn’t she?

Oh nice style

Oh…

Are they the guys?

Oh, these sound effects…

Damn just. Alright

Awww he took care of her

Rise! Arise!!

Is that Nickelback???

Chaotic flashback scene

Sir, no, excuse me you cannot put on makeup/face paint and THEN a shirt that tight no what sorcery is this

Alright gettin into that real shit, I see you crow

Oh we huntiiing

Oh just fucking SWAN DIVE YES

Beat his azzzz

Baby slap

No get tf up and kill this man

Knife dodge

Knife Slap

Knife CATCH

Warehouse party

Who is this vampire lookin fuck?

Her makeup is…Bold

Girl get out of this bar

Oh that’s your mom? Damn

Ooo stole that coat, lookin spiffyyyy

God you’re so hot

Watch me heal

Shit on you is correct sir

God you’re so HOT

That’s a lot of knives

Punch him in HIS mouth fuck you “detective”

Are we burning?

Oooo one hand shotgun

Are We Burning?

Kill him, dafuq

Oh okay, leave one alive yes a messenger

Yes it isssss

WE BURNING

WE BOOMING

Kinda awkward cut to that but whatever

Nah, I like you both don’t be enemies

Oh I didn’t even notice the guitar

I like your riddles, handsome man

A hot mime from hell you mean

Fuckin Armand lookin fucker

Oh burning eyeball, fun

How do you know what order they went in??

How’d I know that was going to happen?

Oh you’re so young

I don’t even know I feel about that but it’s melancholy

I think? It’s a bittersweet emotion for sure

Piecing it together, my man?

Crow friend! I love this. I really fucking do

She’s gonna die from overdose isn’t she?

God you’re so fucking HOT

Oh you’re gonna diiieeee

Mr. Window Maaaaan

Fuck, do that thing with the light bulb again

Owie a booboo hahahaHAHAHAHAHA

Keep shooting, the same thing is gonna keep happening

Listen to his riddles!

You died from That? Bitch

Girl what’re you gonna do?

He’s telling you to be a better mother, pay attention

Oh, hey, Fucker

That’s your favourite saying, huh

Oh you’re not dead, okay

Hurry up Eric, he’s on his way and he got that gun

Oh damn, that’s a lot of needles

You can “Shh” out of my window any night

You’re very calm for-Oh. Oh so you know

Bruh this could’ve been something great, secret partnership

My preferred Batman and Commissioner Gordon

Heart to heart time~

Smoking is bad, I’m already dead so it’s fine if I do it but you don’t do it

*Fiance

Will they believe you?

Who are you? Like, actor wise. You look so fucking familiar

Yeah I don’t know who you are

Oh gross, !nc3st wtf

They are twisted, yes

Spin kill? Spin stab?

Yeah, spin stab. Oh and then shooty bang

Kitty!

Oh you’re playing the guitar I thought that was the soundtrack

I see that open window

I see that crow!

Eric buddy where you at?!

Was that green screen/edited in???

Psycho fuckers

You are very unhinged, sir

Oh hell yes

Your death

Oh passenger, okay that works too

“You hit my car”? Lmaoo

How’d I know that coffee was gonna get spilled

These streets are too tight for a car chase

Okay that line made me laugh

High speed collision!

That’s a lot of explosives

Yeah you do. Yeah you do. Yeah you did. Yeah you did! It is. It is!! He came back yes he did!

Later Fucko!

Nah, he doesn’t deserve this music

Okay but this fire crow does, crank it up!

Nobody noticed this giant un-dug grave until him??

Oh, so that’s why it’s Devil’s Night

Well, at least she’s trying, I can give her that

I was having a good day and you ruined it, Detective

Punch him in the mouth!

Where you goin, girly

If you keep this up sir I’m gonna have to start calling you Louis, you handsome handsome pyro

Kitty!! Wish my cat were that nice

Have you always had an undercut?

Is he gonna show? Is he?

I gasped. I did. I’m serious. Yes, hugs are good

Oh geez just kill him already

You look like James Franco? Maybe? Is that why I find you familiar?

Officer friend

Oh no don’t break your guitar, sweetheart noo

Oh wait who was that chick I saw for half a second on stage she was kinda hot

She looks so uncomfortable in that top and those pants

Is this your entire gang, then?

I don’t care about what you’re saying but I’m sure it’s stupid and psychotic

Hiii Eriiiccc~

Crow friend!!!

Ain’t not gentlemen here but continue

Oh shit, nice jump and sit

His face is way hotter than yours Armand-James-Franco

Kill em all

Nice slice!

Good thing he left that blade vault open

In case you have forgotten, this is Brandon Lee son of Bruce fuckin Lee he knows how to fucking fight

Have a nice fall~

Holy shit is right

Ooo that fall looked bad, you good, sweet boy?

Officer friend!!!!!

Don’t just run!

Yo, who the fuck is she????? What’s her deal? Seriously

No, sweet boy, don’t look so small, nooo I wanna give you a hug

Awww innocent children. I feel it is very unsafe for them to be out like this in Devil’s Night

Sarah don’t sleep next to graves

They’ll always be right in your heart Sarah, it’s okay

Sir, stop being this fucking cute okay

Oh shit no. No, not Sarah

SARAH!!!

Eric get the fuck up. Go save Sarah. Eric!

Oh damn that’s hot—Sorry serious time Gotta save Sarah

Not the crow!

Yeah, Aw Fuck is fucking right!

Not the fucking crow!

OFFICER FRIEND!!!!!!

Nice dive Eric

Bitch put the bird down

Yo, ACAB for sure, but this man. I don’t want this man to die

It’s okay, Eric sweetheart, we gon get your invincibility back, don’t worry

No do NOT fucking die I stfg

Lady, I don’t think that’s how that works

Yeah just watch as it gouges out her eyes, I’m genuinely okay with that

God, where is your waist

Sarah hold on sweetheart

Behind you!

NO!!!

Fuck you!

Hell yeah! That’s gruesome as fuck but I’m for it!

If both of you die and I’m gonna be so upset

If you live, fuck you, you Will live

Yeah he does that, it’s normal

Noooo I don’t want it to be overrrrr

Shelly! Oh you’re very pretty!

Damn, I kinda wanna cry now

My final review: Started off kinda rough, but by the time I was thirty minutes in I was all for it. I’m actually so upset I didn’t watch this movie sooner. Also, definitely feeling the loss of Brandon Lee. Great actor, awesome dude, truly upsetting. We could’ve had something great and it was all cut too short. I’m thinking about reading the comic, will definitely look into that. I fucking loved this movie, it was such a great time.

Once again, I will not be watching the sequels because No :D

[firemblem-fics]

every monastery student as out of context quotes i have from my friends

a/n | sorry i just can't write normally today i'm trying doe i'm doing this for inspo

also uh this is really just me showing y'all my funny quotes and i can just imagine this character with this quote kinda thing pls don't take it seriously

black eagles

edelgard: "i don't have time for body shots, [name], im a LESBIAN"

hubert: "why are you crying" "[edelgard] says she hates me"

bernadetta: "either i'm sweating or i peed myself" "you can't tell?" "i don't know man i'm trippin ASS"

linhardt: "bitch shut up!! no one is asleepin' "

caspar: "you wanna hear good music? listen to madonna. a classy bitch."

dorothea: "my tits enter the room before i do"

petra: "he's a big bear." "who's a big bitch?"

ferdinand: "women don't need rights because i fuck men"

blue lions

dimitri: "my clothes are baggy and layered to hide my horse dick"

annette: "ugh is he really still alive? in this economy?"

mercedes: "that's geraldine. i hated her. she's dead now."

felix: "i might be gay but these hands bisexual baby i'll fight anybody"

sylvain: "i take the morning after pill like it's a vitamin"

sylvain pt 2: "why are you here? the brothel's down the road."

ashe: "his dad adopted him from the clearance section" 

dedue: "im a giant. fe fi fo FUCK"

ingrid: "i had a filet mignon" "i don't eat fish."

golden deer

claude: "you never tell us how you feel." "... when's the last time you really looked at your butthole"

hilda: "FUCK HER imma put her in a nursing home and i hope nobody adopt her"

ignatz: "im simply THROBBING with knowledge."

raphael: "he's muscular but you can still tell that's not the arm he beats his schmeat with"

lorenz: "ah, children screaming. doesn't that make you happy?"

lysithea: "you think i'm a 12 year old virgin? WRONG, im a 16 year old virgin"

leonie: "im gonna date every man you like. even your dad. how are you gonna feel when i'm your new mom, huh?"

ashen wolves

yuri: "what goblin are you talking to?" "YOU MOTHERFUCKER"

balthus: "i don't know what the FUCK goin on here but my pp itches"

hapi: "you think you're the shit? wrong, you're just regular shit."

constance: "it's so weird to be outside. im in the sun, soakin up them HD rays"

others

male byleth: "you get detention for saying the f word" "bruh what the fuck"

female byleth: "we usually make fun of her but her dad just died so we can't right now"

rhea: "this isn't a democracy, fuck face."

shamir: "i'll just use my lunch money to buy a bottle of vodka instead"

catherine: "im the reason the block party turns into a glock party"

hanneman: "hey hey HEY don't touch your grandma like that"

flayn: "what grade are you in?" "i-i don't know"'

seteth: "only god makes mistakes"

manuela: "im a doctor. first name brief, last name case. dr briefcase"

jeritza: "i have no time to be snorting cocaine off of someone's dick."

i will tell y'all that 70% of these have come form my mouth if u wanna judge my character on that alone

[astoryofalove]

Bruh all these posts shitting on aerith's big reveal and apparantly holding back on Tifa because they're "saving the best till last" is so funny. Tifa will more than likely be revealed in June with everybody else and there isn't any big reason behind it. Don't ruin aerith's moment, they chose her to be shown first because they obviously thought it would add the most hype. At best they're keeping Tifa under wraps because her design has probably gone through drastic changes or something. So stupid

i agree that tifa will be shown with the rest of AVALANCHE at e3, so there’s no need for all the “f*ck aerith” comments. especially since they’ve literally seen tifa in HD loads of times. aerith’s had a few minutes in advent children and crisis core and that’s pretty much it. seeing tifa in HD -again- doesn’t have the same hype/importance to them as seeing aerith for the first time does for us. 

that said, i find it super funny that we get the aerith reveal after C/loti won that valentine’s day poll in february. so either the twitter poll was some random staffer that had no backing from the devs (like i said), or the devs saw the results and said

[emgay]

bruh nobody told me nyx came out with a lighter shade of their hd concealer ???? shit boi i need swatches

[minijenn]

My brain’s buzzing with the E3 excitement on this night so here’s all of the shit I’m manifesting, both Nintendo and otherwise, even tho 99% of it will not happen/will never happen, and I’m an wishful idiot: 

Breath of the Wild 2 Trailer

Age of Calamity DLC Trailer

Metroid Prime 4 Trailer

New 3D Mario

Zelda 35th anniversary stuff 

Part of that ^^^^ Oracles remakes in the same style of the Link’s Awakening remake

Breath of the Wild 2 Trailer

Metroid Prime Trilogy Switch 

New Kid Icarus/Uprising on Switch 

Sora for Smash 

Breath of the Wild 2 Trailer

Mario Kart 9

Crash for Smash 

Wind Waker on Switch 

New Spyro game???? (Crash got one so why not)

Kingdom Hearts 4 Teaser (even though I dread that at the same time) 

Breath of the Wild 2 Trailer

Any Kingdom Hearts related announcement in general 

^^^^ Maybe a KHUX console version??? So I can actually play the damn thing????

Skyward Sword HD has some special other mode in it that justifies the damn game being $60 

Nintendogs???? On Switch??? Like bruh please??? 

Breath of the Wild 2 Trailer

New Nintendo IP I’m actually interested in :| (I.E. isn’t Multiplayer focused)

Paper Mario Collection (First three games) on Switch 

Or Mario and Luigi series on Switch (even tho Alpha Dream is dead shut up shut up shut up) 

Nintendo 64/Gamecube Games on Nintendo Switch Online somehow 

BREATH OF THE WILD 2 HHHHHHHH NINTENDO PLEASE YOU COULD ANNOUNCE LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE BUT I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS GAME ITS BEEN 2 YEARS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

[allbaymusic]

Saucey

ABM: How’d you get your stage name Saucey? Saucey: Dope game, some nigga gave it to me, he said like, what he say, he said, bruh; you a ugly ass nigga, but for some reason, you get all the bitches. You a Saucy ass niga! I just guess that’s what it is, it’s just the sauce. ABM: That’s dope. So what inspired you to actually make music? Saucey: Um, you know poetry, a good way to vent, get a lot off my chest, real situations, get that shit off my chest. Fuck it, diary to a real nigga. ABM: Ok, so lets say you hit a certain pinnacle in your career, who are some of the artists you would like to work with? Saucey: Locally, I would like to work with anybody that can I vibe with, somebody who has lived that similar lifestyle, you know. Shit. Maybe Philthy Rich, or J Stalin. HD, definitely HD, he spits a lot of real game, I like that, he keeps it real. ABM: Definetly Saucey: When it get to mainstream: I mean, French Montana, Kevin Gates, I really fucks with their music. I like their style. You know what I mean. ABM: Tell everybody about your album “That’s So Saucey”. Saucey: That’s So Saucey , That’s So Saucey!  I mean its all about myself, its all about me, it’s a introduction to myself, a six track introduction, listen to it, ya know what I’m saying. Get to know who I am. ABM: Whose all on it? Saucey: We got my artist my nigga, my artist Isaac Ware, I got Boo Banga from the Bang Gang, um who else, Riah Love, she features on “Put a Bow On It”. That’s my single. ABM: Talk about “Put a Bow On It”, who shot the video, tell us about it? Saucey: I put a lot of work into “Put a Bow On It”, that’s my baby. I put a lot of time into that song. I wanted someone who would kill the video, so I had to rock with Stewy Films. ABM: Got cha. Tell us about your label and your artist roster. What is the name of your company and who are the artist? Saucey: LPE. LazyBoy Paper Entertainment, we got King Keem, Yung Mar, WhyD, Isaac Warend, Stack Paypa, Queen Bri, and BetzyBaby. That’s just to name a few. We still building, definitely still building, everybody on there solid, everybody ready to work. All I gotta do is call, they just one call away. ABM: What is it like leading a group of hungry artists as a CEO, while helping other artist flourish? Saucey: Man it’s nice to have artists who follow you because they believe in your dream. They’re not following you just to ride the wave. They’re following you because they actually believe in you. They’re backing you up, you know hopefully you can give them what they need out of it. Like, especially what I need, I’m trying to please myself but at the same time, I know what they want as well. I’m trying to give them the same thing, the same opportunity. ABM: That’s dope. Do you have any travel plans or shows coming up? Saucey: No, not right now. Right now I’m just working on visuals and content and music and you know just trying to put the work out there. Features, that’s what I’m working on next. I’m sayin’ anybody willing to work holler at me. I’m not hard too find. ABM: So what’s next for Saucey?  Do you have another project coming? Saucey: Definitely, ahh man, I got songs out we just gonna figure out, which ones to put where. Saucey: That’s dope. Any last words, shout outs? ABM: Shout outs, shout outs. Shout outs to the LPE Gang nigga, shout out to my label. Shout out to the niggas that been sticking with me. Shout out to Ian from All Bay, you know what I’m saying. I got much love for you, love and respect. Shout out to Plizzy from Payday Studios, you know what I’m sayin! Shout out to everyone who really been supporting a nigga, and understand what I’m trying to do. Read the full article

[abcmerpaderp]

reunited

so i locked myself out of this account awhile back, and i realize i [mostly] come here when i’m at my lowest. at first it was a good idea for me to not remember my password so i wouldn’t be able to come back here an reread my old posts & whatnot. Now that i’ve regained access and start briefly looking back at my most recent posts, i cringe and couldnt even continue to scroll down anymore.

and so why did i feel the need to come back? the last time i wrote in here wasn’t even that long ago, it was at the end of winter quarter of my junior year.now i’m near the end of my fall quarter of my senior year, still within 2017 but for some reason i felt like so much has changed and i’ve faced some of the biggest difficulties within these past few months that broke me down to the core. i feel like the strong foundation i built myself from the winter quarter of my 1st year to now is completely shattered. i’ve been in a really vulnerable place these past few months and it’s been incredibly hard for me. it’s hard for me in that i feel the need / and have the only option of supporting myself -- with my job and the position i’m in, i’m expected to be a pro at counseling, a pro at mastering and encompassing all healthy habits of self-care, self-love; with what i study, there’s nothing else i should know better than mental health; and with everyone’s perception of me as the happy, optimistic person -- all of these makes it so hard for me to seek solace in others. 

and so with that, i became that same person that i started college with -- a person that kept everything to myself, because i felt embarrassed, ashamed, weak, and there’s nothing i hate more than being vulnerable and weak around so many successful, productive people. 

i don’t even know where to start because these past few months have been an emotional rollercoaster and me just digging deep and writing it all out isn’t going to be as easy as i thought:

1. my backpack was stolen

-- my backpack, which had everything valuable to me -- my laptop, my wallet, etc. was stolen during my second-to-last, yet most successful, thousand dollar event that i hosted and worked sleeplessly on. i was scared because all my shit was stolen, but i was also sad because my laptop, which costed my $780 (covered by a scholarship) had a lot of memories on it that i didn’t upload to an external source. now, this sounds toxic and unhealthy, but i’m a person that keeps all memory keep-sake things, even if some of them were related to past relationships/friendships. so, in that laptop, i had a lot of pictures from a brief, happy yet toxic period that i had with someone who’s important to me. i never uploaded the pictures onto any social media, and i never thought to use google photos, and now all those pictures/memories from those 4 months are gone. i think about it in that it’s a good thing because it was such a toxic period and i deserved better, but i woud still like to have those pictures with me. second point, my mom’s fortune teller knows this very well about me, but i’m a person that stresses day & night over finances. i’ve called my mom crying about the stress of college, LA, etc so much over these past 4 years. trust me, i know i’m lucky than others because essentially, in the end, i am and have had the opportunity to be in LA for the past 4 years, but there’s been a lot of emotional baggage/ guilt that i’ve felt knowing that my parents do everything [which may include lying] to give me the ease of being here -- every year, my dad would tell me about all the new cars that come out and asks me if i needed a car yet and that he’s been having enough/been prepared to get me a car and that i shouldnt worry about anything; he would ask me if i needed more money to spend, and if i did, he was just a few phone calls away; he would tell me that if i ever missed home, to just buy a plane ticket home regardless of the price. however, my parents know i’m hardheaded and they know that i refuse to use their money and all the money i’ve been using these past 4 years have been my own. it wasn’t until my laptop was gone that i had to ask my parents for help. everyone told me “just get a macbook, it’s worth it” yadiyaya, but bruh, if i could afford a macbook for the beginning of college, i probably would. i woul get a macbook in a heartbeat. when i hd to buy my second laptop, i bought a PC first because it was cheaper, and after my parents spent hours lecturing me, telling me to stop being cheap and stingy and hardheaded, that they said they would “lend” me money to just buy the most up-to-date apple laptop (of course, i didnt cus that shit is 1k+) idk, this is hard to explain in words but there was a lot of pain in the fact that i had to buy a new laptop because i was basically wasting 1000 that was unnecessary and stupid. it just broke my heart and it’s unfair because i’ve never never never stolen anyting from anyone; i’ve never stolen anything from a store, and i dont know what the fuck i did to deserve getting my backpack stolen. it just breaks my heart because im a firm believer of karma and as much as i do have anger for people, i never wish the worst for people. alot of things also spiraled from my backpack getting stolen. i lost my passport even though i was leaving the country in 6 weeks and bitch i needed my passport. so my passport was another $200 that i had to drop and a lot of traeling to the passport agency to have to deal with. idk there was a lot of bullshit tied to my backpack getting stolen and i was just at my lowest point and ready to go home for that quarter.

2. my grandpa passed away. and oh my god, i honestly don’t even know if i can write about this. yes, i know, people pass away -- it’s a part of life. but for me, it was just incredibly incredibly difficult and all the memories from that week were so vivid -- i was full of fear, sadness, regret, shame. it’s very hard for me to go into detail right now because it’s still very sensitive to me, but i just want to say i’m really grateful for my grandpa and all the things that he did for me when i was younger. he took care of me while my parents were at work, him and my grandma would take me to the bus to school. my grandpa knew no english what so ever, yet he bought me a fisher-price toy that had the alphabet, and i would press on each letter and it would tell me the letter and a word example for that letter; he bought me paper and pens to let me draw and practice my abcs; he bought AND MADE toys for me because my mom didn’t believe in buying us toys; and i never realized how important and relevant it is until now, but he was a preacher, he was a narrator, and he always, always talked about his history, his stories about Vietnam, and how how how important it was for kids to know history and for kids to go on with education. and look where i am, from high school to now, i’ve always been involved in SEA stuff and i never realized how much my grandpa played into that. and now, i teach others of the importance of knowing our parents/grandparents histories and teaching others how education for us allows us to uplift our community. there’s a lot more i have to say but him passing away was hard and continues to still be really, really hard for me. i cried probably every week in japan, and on his 30th day, i did praers in japan, i called my mom crying tell her what to tell him, i told jimmy what to tell him for me. i wished i could have been there for him, and i’m really really angry at myself that i couldn’t. and even when i couldnt be there for him, he still visited me while i was in japan. he told me even when i’m incredibly stressed, he told me that everything will be okay and that i’ll be able to get through it. i couldnt be there for him when he needed support the most, yet he’s still able to be loving and supportive enough to reassure me. gong gong, i’ll always hold my childhood memories with you deep and close to my heart.

3. a slap into reality -- me thinking i’ve been the best version of myself, the good and supportive friend to all my friends only to realize i’ve been nothing but full of myself and my own illusions; me realizing the terrible person that i actually have been and my lack of awareness and sensitivity to those around me. how tf am i a counselor if i can’t even be there for my friends? me wanting to be there for everyone, while also being scared to reach out and ask the hard questions or even taking the first step. this further led me to being more disappointed in myself -- not being there for my grandpa, not being there for my friends -- how can i say i want to help/support others when i’m the biggest culprit in hurting those around me? 

4. and then there’s me, being vulnerable, and letting others care for me only to realize that i should have never let anyone care for me in that sense to begin with; i’m better off carrying my own emotional baggage than letting someone know my emotional baggage, then disappearing and realizing that my baggage with them was just dumped into the dumpster. please do not let me open up to you, do not let me tell you about my insecurities, do not allow me to trust you, do not allow me to cry to you, do not let me do/share my happy things/activities with you if you’re not going to be in my life for the long run. (this has always been a problem for me, and i know ive been trying to work on it but it’s so hard) but one of my biggest flaws?? idek what to call it -- but one of my biggest things is that i don’t let myself be loved; i dont let others care for me or show me any affection. sure, maybe a piece of that has to do with the fact that i feel undeserving of love (i know, i know, i need to love myself and realize my worth yadiaya, but it ain’t easy) but it’s also because if i let you into my life, i’d do my best and exert all my energy to support you, make you happy, etc (even though, going back to point #3, i’m clearly not good at it). i put so much work into building a wall between me and the world, so please don’t make me tear down years of hard work for something/someone that is just only temporary. and if i start opening up to you, and you start seeing the emotional wreck that is my life (yeah i’m a wreck to others, but to mself, i’m a work in progress so w/e) and you can’t handle this beautiful mess, then just walk out as soon as possible. do not stay because you feel sorry or you feel the need to help me, because trust me, you’re only making things worse. i open up to others and let others in on the wreck of my life not because i expect others to fix me or help me, but to just have someone on the sidelines to cheer me on and be like girl, you is doing good making progress making a beautful work of art etc. it’s like how i love to support people at their dance competitions/sports games/drama or music performances because i know they worked hard on what they’re passionate about, and at the end of all their hardwork, they want to share with others the beautiful artwork that they’ve worked so hard on.  i dont got no talents (lmao) but something i’m struggliing with but still am working on is myself -- and you know at the end of the day, at each tiny milestone that i reach, it’s nice to know people are in the audience cheering me on or taking me out on breaks to rejuvenate myself so i dont overwork myself. so all in all, dont come into my life if youre not gonna stay for the long run. it’s too much energy on my part to break down my walls for others. but you know what, it’s okay because i’m getting better at goodbyes *cue Sam Smith -- Too Good at Goodbyes* <-- you dont know how many times i’ve listened to this && have cried to this bc it’s so good.

I know you're thinking I'm heartless I know you're thinking I'm cold I'm just protecting my innocence I'm just protecting my soul

I'm never gonna let you close to me Even though you mean the most to me 'Cause every time I open up, it hurts So I'm never gonna get too close to you Even when I mean the most to you In case you go and leave me in the dirt

I'm way too good at goodbyes

also, because of all of this, i don’t let anyone, not even my roommates or my closest friends, show any sort of affection/care/love towards me. period. those who are close to me know that i don’t like/do hugs, but it’s gotten worse after this. hugs trigger me. hugs are deceiving. they can feel so real and warm but leave you so cold the next moment. i shiver / sweat when people hug me because it reminds me of the times i get close to people and had to relearn time and time again that i’m not one to get affectiontely close to others. there were two instances where i was really out of it/sad and my roommate hugged me. at the moment of the hug, i felt nothing, but as soon as he let go, i went down this spiral and just started crying omgg; and then a second time with my other roommate, she hugged me so warmly, and i pushed her off and said “no, hugs trigger me please don’t” and i walked out of the room (lol). but i can’t explain this people so i gotta forcibly do the world’s most awkward hugs to everyone around me. but if i’m really close with you, i’ll hold your elbow -- thats my way of showing others im grateful for you in forms other than a hug. 

wow who knew writing could relieve so much. here’s to my roommates for giving me space and not questining me while im crying and typing on the sofa at 4 am. but here’s to hopefully being one step closer in getting over these rough mountains.