#i need to go send him off to adventure through nemesis and also the horrors (seeking) on the side

[thegreatyin]

the bandaged scoundrel is the type of guy who'd learn what literary roles are and then immediately declare themself the protagonist of life. the doomed scientist is the type of guy who'd promptly come up from behind to hit them with a brick. only the most important fallen london yin oc lore on this tumblr blog

[johnwatsonblog-co-uk]

The Great Game

1st April

Sorry for the delay in posting. I needed a few days to get my head around what just happened.

It began, as everything did, with a big bang. There was apparently a gas leak in the house across the street. Of course, my time living with Sherlock means I know how meaningless the word 'apparently' can be. 

The police investigated and discovered that the house had been wired with explosives. The only other thing they found inside the house was a box. And inside the box was an envelope.

And inside the envelope was, of all things, a bright pink phone. Regular readers of my blog might remember the case I called 'A Study In Pink' . Needless to say, it was a bit of a surprise.

As is my sudden use of phrases like "regular readers of my blog". It seems I'm starting to enjoy writing up my life. It helps, though, when I discover that half of Scotland Yard are reading it. More on that later!

So, we switched on the phone and there was a message.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Five beeps or pips. Sherlock knew immediately that it was a warning. There were these secret societies who used to send five orange pips to people as a threat. There was also a picture of an empty flat which Sherlock recognised. It was downstairs. 221C Baker Street! We rushed over there and discovered a pair of trainers.

And then the pink phone rang. It was a woman. She was crying. It turns out that whoever was organising all this had arranged for this woman to be kidnapped and wrapped in explosives. If she didn't say exactly what she was told to say... Sherlock, naturally, was immediately caught up in the adventure. Didn't even register that some innocent person somewhere was going through Hell. The crying woman told us we had twelve hours to solve the first problem.

We went to Barts so that Sherlock could examine the trainers. I, as usual, didn't have a clue what the question was never mind the answer. We met up with Molly Hooper who introduced us to her boyfriend, Jim. Apparently, he worked in IT. There's that word 'apparently' again. Oh, and I've just seen how they first met.

Anyway, Jim left and Sherlock revealed to Molly that the bloke was clearly gay. As usual, he didn't care that this might, you know, not exactly be what she wanted to hear!

So, back to the trainers. Sherlock naturally got me to humiliate myself by examining them myself and getting everything wrong. He told me that they were twenty years old and that the pollen on them revealed they were from Sussex. Then he remembered a name - Carl Powers, a boy who had died when Sherlock was a kid. Everyone had assumed it was a tragic swimming accident but Sherlock was always confused by the boy's missing trainers. Now they'd turned up twenty years later and addressed to him. Sherlock discovered traces of Clostridium botulinim on Carl's trainers and concluded that he'd been murdered - the poison having been introduced to Carl's eczema medicine. Sherlock needed to let the killer know he'd worked it out so he typed a message on his website. I know some of you were confused by his bizarre posts the other day (posts regarding Raoul de Santos).

The crying woman then phoned again and was allowed to tell us where she was. The police found her and she was ok. Sherlock pissed me off though. He described the whole set-up as elegant. I asked him what he meant and he said that "I can't be the only person to get bored". Clearly, the killer was targeting him directly and he loved it.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Another message. Another photo. This time it was of an abandoned sports car. The phone rang. It was a man, as terrified as the woman had been earlier. He told us we had eight hours. ████████████ from Scotland Yard located the car and Sherlock examined it. It had been hired from a company called Janus Cars by a man called ████████████████ - a man who had disappeared. This one was pretty straightforward for Sherlock. Just one chat with the missing man's wife and a visit to Janus Cars and he had it all wrapped up. It was a simple insurance scam. Again, he posted the answer on his blog. The man wrapped in explosives was found and released. Turns out he'd been in central London. God, if Sherlock had got it wrong... The other thing is, like I say, he was enjoying it. Him and this mysterious killer were playing a game. Me, Mrs H, the people with the bombs, everyone else, we were just pawns. I thought back to a name we'd heard a couple of times - Moriarty. Could this be him? When I mentioned this, Sherlock's eyes lit up.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Another message. A third photo. This time it was someone I recognised but Sherlock didn't have a clue who she was. It's nice to occasionally be the clever one. The picture was of the recently deceased Connie Prince . Apparently, she'd died as a result of a tetanus infection but clearly our killer was suggesting otherwise. Again, we received a phone call. This time it was an old woman - and she was blind. I mean, who would do that? How could anyone do that? I went along to visit Connie's brother, Kenny. Sherlock went onto some internet forums and, with his usual tact and diplomacy, got answers that way . Between us, we worked out that while Connie's death had been made to look like the result of a tetanus infection, it had actually been caused by poison - their houseboy, ████████, had overdosed her on Botox! It would have almost been funny were it not for what happened next. Sherlock posted a message to his blog and, like before, the old woman called us. But this one made a mistake. She started to tell us about the man who'd tied her up and... He blew her up.

She lived in a block of flats. In Glasgow. Twelve people died.

I still can't quite get my head around it. This game between Sherlock and his... nemesis? Is that the right word? Twelve totally random innocent people had died because of it. I got so angry with Sherlock that morning. He didn't care. He admitted it. He just didn't care. As he pointed out, caring wouldn't save lives. I asked him if he found it easy not to care and he said yes. It was that simple. Maybe Sally Donovan is right. Maybe he is a freak.

Beep. Beep.

Another photo. This time of the Thames. Sherlock called Scotland Yard and they told him about a body that had been pulled out of the river. We went along and within minutes, Sherlock had worked out he was a security guard and that he was probably linked to a lost painting that had recently been rediscovered and put on display at the Hickman Gallery. Oh, and he revealed that the painting was a fake. I could explain how he did it but I think it's one of those 'you had to be there' moments. He also worked out what had killed the security guard. I say 'what' although technically it was 'who'. But, having seen the man, 'what' is probably a better definition. He was an assassin known as the Golem. He killed people by squeezing the air out of their body with his bare hands! Why he would have done this to some poor security guard was still a mystery so I went to the guy's flat and discovered a voicemail message from a Professor █████████. She had called him in response to him having discovered that something somewhere was wrong. The only other clue was that he was into astronomy. Sherlock worked out that the Golem had killed the security guard because he'd worked out that the painting was a fake. We concluded that Professor █████████ worked at a planetarium and rushed over there. But we were too late. The Golem was there and it killed her. Then, it attacked Sherlock. I don't think I've actually seen him scared before. Me, I was bricking it! I'd seen horror in Afghanistan. But this man was barely human. He really was a monster! I managed to rescue Sherlock (by whacking the Golem with my gun - I never said I was subtle) but the creature got away.

We returned to the gallery and Sherlock confronted the curator. She denied everything - insisting that the painting was real - and there didn't seem to be much we could do. Then the phone rang once more.

It was a child.

The child started to count down from ten. Sherlock was screaming into the phone that the painting was a fake but the killer clearly wanted proof. Sherlock stared at the painting as the child continued to count down to his own death. And then Sherlock, at the last minute, worked it out. It was how the security guard had guessed it was a fake and why he'd phoned a professor at a planetarium. There was a supernova in the painting that didn't appear in our skies until 1858. Therefore, the painting couldn't have been painted by an artist living in the 1640s. The child stopped counting.

The curator admitted that she'd arranged for the painting to be created. She'd been put in touch with various people and they'd all seemed to be working for one man. You've guessed it. Moriarty.

Back at the flat, and we waited for another call. Nothing seemed to be happening though so I decided to visit my girlfriend, Sarah. I had just left the flat when a taxi pulled up alongside me. The taxi driver asked if I wanted a lift but I told him I was getting the Tube. He then said that he hadn't been asking me, he'd been telling me. I looked at him and I saw the gun pointing at me and so I got into the taxi.

They must have knocked me out because the next thing I can remember is waking up to the smell of chlorine. I was in a sports centre, near the swimming pool. And I was wearing a bomb. I could feel it under the jacket they'd put me in. Then a voice sounded in my ear and I realised I was wearing some kind of earpiece. It said that I knew the drill and I was to repeat word-for-word what he said otherwise I'd never be writing my blog again.

I was made to walk out into the swimming pool area where, I discovered, Sherlock was waiting. The voice in my ear, which I vaguely recognised, told me to say some stuff - which, I realised, gave the impression that I was behind it all. That I, John Watson, was Moriarty. I could see the look in Sherlock's eyes - a flash of, not anger, but hurt. For a second, he looked like a little, lost child. I should have been horrified that he'd even doubt me for a second but, to be honest, it was so refreshingly human of him. He actually did value our friendship. He did, despite himself, care. Then he saw the explosives on me and he realised what was happening.

And at that moment, out stepped Moriarty. It was Jim. Molly Hooper's boyfriend from the IT department at Barts! Even that little meeting had been part of the game. The two men talked, both clearly pleased to, at last, be face to face. Again, I felt like a pawn in their game. Especially when a laser sight appeared on my chest. One wrong move and some stranger in the dark would shoot the explosives. I watched as they talked. Jim Moriarty was the total opposite to Sherlock but they were also so very alike. He was a consulting criminal. People came to him and he arranged whatever they wanted. And while they talked, I stood there wearing enough explosives to kill all of us. I was the only one who seemed even aware of this. Suddenly, I grabbed Moriarty. I knew that his assistant (his John Watson?) wouldn't kill him. But the laser sight simply moved to Sherlock's head and I was forced to let go. For a second, I wondered if Sherlock would have done the same for me but then all I knew for certain was, at that moment, I knew I was going to die.

Except I didn't because Moriarty changed his mind. He said that he'd kill Sherlock one day but that, for now, he was letting us go. It really was just a game to him. He left and Sherlock ripped the explosives off of me. We were getting our breath back when suddenly so many laser sights appeared. Moriarty returned and said he had changed his mind again!! We were going to die, after all. Sherlock simply pointed his gun at the discarded explosives. If we were going to die, so was Moriarty.

I held my breath for what seemed like months. I had no idea what either of them would do. Moriarty clearly had no discernible human feelings and Sherlock had claimed not to care. Could this be it? Was I really going to die? In a sports centre?

Which is when Moriarty's phone rang. He took the call and called off his gunman. He was letting us live. And, as I finally breathed out, he left.

And that's how Sherlock Holmes and I lived to see another day.

16 comments

Haha! You're the April fool! You posted this after midday!!

Harry Watson 01 April 12:11

It's all true, Harry!

John Watson 01 April 12:22

PMSL!!!

Harry Watson 01 April 12:24

I don't even want to know what that means.

John Watson 01 April 12:30

That's amazing mate!

Harry Watson 01 April 12:36

Sherlock Holmes is a genius!!

Jacob Sowersby 01 April 12:37

your writing style is terrible

theimprobableone 01 April 12:38

*comment deleted*

Harry Watson 01 April 12:39

How rude!

Marie Turner 01 April 13:12

It's me, Mrs Hudson again.

Marie Turner 01 April 13:13

Shall we just get you a computer for Christmas, Mrs H?

John Watson 01 April 13:14

I do like a good story.

Anonymous 01 April 13:25

Still alive then?

Sherlock Holmes 01 April 13:28

Oh, very much so. See you soon.

Anonymous 01 April 13:33

I'm still so sad about Connie :(

Joy 01 April 13:56

Do feel free to call me, when you get a moment, John.

Sarah Sawyer 02 April 01:03

[amplesalty]

Halloween 2021 - Day 3 - Minotaur (2006)

You mess with the bull, you get the horns!

So, full disclosure, this movie’s place on this marathon only exists because of the vast amounts of time I’ve spent playing Hades ever since it popped up on Gamepass a few months back. I’ve tried a couple of rogue likes before but never ever truly stuck. Spelunky I think I did a handle of attempts, Rogue Legacy had a few, Dungeons of Dredmor I played a little bit years ago. FTL is the one I was most into, even managed to be it albeit on the easiest setting. I think being turned based probably helped out a lot since I could use it as a secondary thing I was doing whilst I was watching YouTube videos or listening to podcasts. It’s kinda easier to split your focus when you’re not needing to use your reflexes to handle platforming and action combat whilst you’re trying to absorb something audibly.

Hades shares that same sort of addictive ‘one more go’ quality that I suppose is reflected in all rogue likes. That frustration of failing in a run but feeling the inspiration to go again straight away because you got so close and maybe things would have gone better if I’d taken this route or picked up this power up. It does poke at something I like in games, being able to incrementally improve your character so even if you are failing, you know that behind the scenes you are getting better in a pure numbers sense whilst also learning more on the mechanics and the levels of the game itself to help you become a better player. Hades is also wrapped up in a Greek mythology bow so you have something of a basic knowledge going into it from things you’ve picked up in school or general pop culture so it’s cool when you come across the likes of Zeus, Poseidon, Cerberus or Sisyphus.

Even leaning into the ‘horror adjacent’ nature of these moviefests I felt it was something of a stretch to try and shoehorn Jason and the Argonauts or Wrath of the Titans in here. Yeah, they might have stuff like the Kraken, Hydra or those cool stop motion skeletons but it’s more of a fantasy/adventure type thing. Luckily, I learnt that this movie existed and it’s listed as a horror movie. Plus it has Tom Hardy and Tony Todd, sold!

Their participation is probably the only things this movie has going for it so purely on that novelty factor maybe it’s worth checking out? I imagine it has a place as one of those movies that people check out in a ‘before they were famous’ sort of way. One of the top Google results for it is a review by Lindsay Ellis on themarysue.com. The mid 00’s I’d say is right before Hardy really started breaking out. Which isn’t to say he wasn’t in notable things before, to have your first film credit be Black Hawk Down is pretty good and I had no idea he was the Picard clone in Star Trek: Nemesis. But the late 00’s, early 10’s is when you truly start to get those bigger names: Bronson, Inception and, of course, The Dark Knight Rises. I wouldn’t say he did a bad job here or anything, he doesn’t really do anything to stand out but it’s a fairly non-descript movie so you can’t really blame him. He’s not a patch on the Theseus in Hades though. Kind annoying to fight with that spear he throws at you but he’s very theatrical and over the top in the way he greets you upon your entry into the battlefield. I don’t think I’ve ever really seen too much of Hardy’s work but presumably he gets better from here. I mean, everyone raves that Mad Max is the greatest thing since sliced bread, really should check that out sometime. And, tenuous link between him and Tony Todd, Hardy is obviously Venom in the Sony universe but apparently Todd is going to voice him in that Spiderman sequel on PlayStation. That’s going to be awesome.

Todd gives some socks as King Deucalion, a very authoritarian ruler that arranges for the abduction of eight youths from the Village of Thena every three years as a form of revenge for one of their people killing a royal Prince. Well, as youthful as a near 30 year old Tom Hardy can be. From there they are given as tribute to the titular Minotaur who roams in his labyrinth beneath the palace. It’s here that Hardy as Theo is set on going as a local witch type lady tells him that his lost love was not killed during her abduction some years ago and that he is to go the labyrinth to save her.  Fair play to you if you manage to not only outwit the great beast but survive down there for so long.

Deucalion kinda has a vibe to him similar to King Xerxes in 300, both bald and showing a lot of skin. Has his own pit he likes to send people down too, though I suppose it was Leonidas’ pit in 300. Both Xerxes and Deucalion seem to be depicted as having hair and beards in historical paintings of them so not sure where this bald look comes from, maybe someone has an agenda in Hollywood to try and portray bald men as powerful in order to gloss over the stigma of losing ones hair.

The depiction of the Minotaur too seems a little off, spending all of it’s time on all fours. The Minotaur is generally depicted as bipedal, right? Like it walks around and it’s usually carrying some form of weapon like a hammer or polearm? Suppose with the Minotaur they follow the path of the standard horror movie monster by holding off on showing him until relatively late on, not that he’s much to look at with the time period, low budget CGI. Think they have some puppet work going on for the close ups though so that’s a bonus.

Budget clearly didn’t stretch to editing out the wires when people try climbing out of the pit.

The Minotaur doesn’t make for the most interesting or varied of killers though, just gores everyone the entire time and most of them are off camera. Either you just get the shot of the blood splatter on the wall or you hear someone’s screams of agony echo throughout the chambers of the labyrinth. I assume it’s blood anyway, maybe the Minotaur just stepped on a ketchup bottle.

They do kinda blow their load straight away though with one of the first kills where you this one girl talking to the group and all of a sudden she’s impaled through the back of her head and out through her mouth. Nasty!

Almost as nasty as some of the things going on in the bedroom in this universe. Aside from the incestuous relationship of King Deucalion and Queen Raphaella, you also have the origin story of the Minotaur which kinda doesn’t make sense. Like, the intro talks about how the people grew tired of worshipping a stone God and demanded a living one and wanted their Queen to offer herself to the Bull so that they could create the meeting of man and God. And we see her disrobe in front of one of the statues so...did the bull God manifest itself as a living being to impregnate her or did she fuck the statue? I mean, I guess it is a God so it can do what it wants so if it wants to make a statue capable of reproducing it can but how does that work? I know in the actual story it was a live bull that Poseidon used to punish Minos by having his wife fall in love with and mate with it. I don’t know why I’m dedicating this much thought to this debauchery. Feckin’ Greeks, they invented gayness.