#i need to play her so bad she's for d&d but alas.... no campaign

[pinkcadavart]

Mama, they say I'm a terrorist

[yuckitup-jwd]

Men VS Women

Women have many faults Men only have 2 Everything they say And everything they do

RELATIONSHIPS: First, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a semi-regular basis."

When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots." Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas these classes rarely prove effective.

SEX: Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay.

Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults.

Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

COMEDY: Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching tele- vision, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited - they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite Stooge.

The women will roll their eys, groan, and wait it out.

HANDWRITING: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

BATHROOMS: A man has at most seven items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, shampoo, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.

Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.

GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things.

A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half of a lemon, and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time he reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on The Beverley Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

GOING OUT: When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out.

When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...

SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When she arrives at work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk.

A man wears one pair of shoes for the entire day.

CATS: Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

MIRRORS: Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.

Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface - mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head...

GARAGES: Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers.

Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless wooden things in garages.

MOVIES: For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind."

For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark's face in "Public Enemy."

JEWELRY: Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

MENOPAUSE: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual.

Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap, leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for an expensive foreign sports car.

THE TELEPHONE: Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

LOW BLOWS: Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television, and one of the fighters is felled by a low blow.

The woman says, "Oh, gee, that must hurt."

The man doubles over and actually feels the pain.

DIRECTIONS: If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions.

Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. A man will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there," and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store."

ADMITTING MISTAKES: Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.

The last man who admitted that he was wrong was General George Custer.

RICHARD GERE: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works out at the health club and dates only married women.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail...

A man will dress up for: weddings and funerals.

NUDITY IN MOVIES: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by men.

The only actor who has ever appeard nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the earth.

Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

CAMERAS: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state- of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography classes.

Women purchase Kodak Insta-matics, and often produce better-looking shots.

POLITICS: Men love to talk about politics, but they often forget to do political things such as voting.

Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys are growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.

LOCKER ROOMS: In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. Not in abstract terms, either. They're graphic and technical, and they *never* lie.

LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days.

A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.

WEDDINGS: When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about the "ceremony."

Men talk about "the bachelor party."

GYM SOCKS: Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.

Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

TOYS: Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of mens toys: miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, and anything that blinks, beeps and requires at least six "D" batteries to operate.

PLANTS: A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man will water the plants. The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

NICKNAMES: With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk," women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle.

But if Mike, Dave, and Jack go out for a brewski, they will affectionately refer to each other as Peckerhead, Scumbag, and Louse.

There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an article in last April's issue of Sassy magazine.

The five questions are: 1 - "What are you thinking?" 2 - "Do you love me?" 3 - "Do I look fat?" 4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?" 5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example: 1 - "What are you thinking?"

The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things: a - Baseball b - Football c - How fat you are d - How much prettier she is than you e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died

According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers: 2 - "Do you love me?"

The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include: a - I suppose so. b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c - That depends on what you mean by "love". d - Does it matter? e - Who, me?

3 - "Do I look fat?"

The correct male response to this question is to quickly, confidently, and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include: a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either. b - Compared to what? c - A little extra weight looks good on you. d - I've seen fatter. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy

4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?"

The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include: a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way. b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things. c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality. d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5 - "What would you do if I died?"

Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid exchange: "Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said. "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" "Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry." "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband. "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause. "Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband. "I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes? "I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband. "Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?" "Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do." "Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too." "Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed..."

[overfedvenison]

I love your D&D adventures. They're the best.

I should go more in to detail with this one...

Saga of Minyu, Part 1

I was allowed to make a 3.5 class for a level 7 Pathfinder campaign, essentially the concept being a giant Tower of Druaga-type setting. Very gamey. I debated betweem Truenamer and Healer, ending up deciding on the latter and makng them a male raised as a girl due to his affinity for healing magic. The DM game me a free level because it's kind of a weak class, and said I qualified for the Healing Touch feat because I was a level 8 healer (Healing touch usually requires you heal 1000 HP)

Other than that he's a very shy, polite and demure healer named Minyu. I even gave him white robes with red trim, like a White Mage.

I started out at level 8 of the tower, a large city perpetually in evening or dusk, where everyone wore a bandana on their arm. (I joined mid-campaign.) Unknown to us, this town was beseiged by werewolves and the armbands marked the non-monsters. This was all part of a test relating to this granting access to the next level, but we didn't know what it was yet.

The party was pretty scattered at first. The first introduced to the group was a crude, womanizing pirate Gunslinger who would spend his rest time at the local brothel to 'heal' his wounds. He would hit on anything even vaguely feminine, including the death cleric.

The second was a cleric of a death god, a necromancer who would charge people exorbatant fees to heal them but also offer a free death. Under his skull masks and robes, he was sort of a tall dark and handsome bishounen. This group... Likes anime, evidently

And the last was some sort of attractive fae Ninja, who would run about partying and acting flirtatious. She doesn't play much in to this story, but was a fun character.

I came in when the Cleric was bringing an injured man to an alley to kill him. Seeing as how this cleric was dressed in a skull mask, black robes, and carrying a scythe, I naturally followed. Alas, the injured man was killed before I could help him. Along the way, the drunk pirate came to investigate as well and found us both in this alley. Seeing as the Pirate was still injured from the previous sessio , we sprang in to action. The cleric offered him a quick death, or to patch his wounds for a fee. He turned to me, in my white and red robes and blonde hair, and asked my offer. "I can cure you for free, if you need so," I said, and so I did.

This caused the womanizing pirate to take quite a liking to me, pulling me to a local bar. I got some strange looks from the barkeep, and explained that he was injured. Poor Minyu was very polite and demure and never explicitly told him to stop his advances even if he was super flustered and also male. Though I did tell him having sex was probably a bad idea.

Eventually, we met back up with the Death Cleric and his companion at the bar and we all decided (without much input from my wallflower Healer) to meet up the next morning to try and solve this floor's quest. The other female party members (And her hireling) also decided to rescue Minyu from this pirate to go on a girl's night out.

Day one: They suspect nothing, and I retired to my room.

During the night, I am awoken by screams. I look out my window to see a great wolf stalking outside, and people being ripped apart. Bound by my vows to supply aid, I rush away to see if I can help any injured. Unfortunately, I rolled a 2 on Stealth.

The werewolf king has spotted me, and starts rushing towards me. Knowing I have to run, I summon my Unicorn to help me. The rest of the party was like "What?"

We rush away from the werewolf leading it through town randomly (and distracting it from passerbys) as it gave chase. We were eventually rescued by a Judge, essentially an elite Tower guard, who ignited the beast... But not before it narrowly missed me and sliced off a lock of my hair. Thanking my unicorn, he returned to his realm and I dived into a nearby inn.

The next day, I arrived haggered in our meeting place (actually having a reason to, now.) I explained the situation, and the barkeep heard us and helped with some information. We learned our hidden task was to kill an elite werewolf, but also that the one that attacked us was no mere Elite but a sort of Werewolf King. We also learned we arrived at a bad time, as the full moon was that night and there was a Brood happening soon where the werewolves would be looking for a virgin sacrifice to make into a sort of Broodmother. What's more, the werewolves could track me with my hair lock...

While we discussed this, a man asked me to aid his injured ally. I did so eagerly, even despite the obvious danger. He led me to a warehouse with what was obviously the werewolf king we injured the previous night... Unsubtly wearing my lock in his hair, and still burned. I hesistated, obviously taken advantage of, but I had my oaths. This werewolf had come to capture me as a virgin sacrifice, and I knew that, but he was still injured... So I Cured him of disease, and restored 7 HP using Cure Minor Wounds. Unfortunately, I couldn't cure his lycanthropy yet.

My party had tailed me, and rescued me soon after from this stalker. Still, I had reinforced the werewolf king's interest in me. To him, I was a pure virgin girl, skilled in divine arts and not bound to a god, and would to him be an ideal queen and asset to the wolf pack. He also seemed to have a... Personal interest?

We had  to fight through werewolves to escape. Unfortunately, though I kept the rest of the party healthy to the point of infuriating the DM, the pirate was blindsided by a werewolf leutenant and killed. Luckily, the Cleric was capable of reviving him. Worshipping a death god has advantages, I suppose.

That night, the werewolves attacked in a rage, and killed many people. They were hunting me, and the full moon would be the next night. My party discussed options... And primary amongst them was me losing my virginity.

To to reiterate: My character was caught in a situation where his enemies wanted a virgin sacrifice/offering to make their queen and breed a generation of werewolves under a divine matriarch, and the other side was a pirate and nymph who wanted to make this virgin have sex so this wouldn't happen (and also because he was a very cute girl the pirate wanted to bang.) All throughout, neither side had any idea that this virgin maiden was actually male, and Minyu wasn't really about to admit this and was very evasive.

After a fair amount of persuasion from Minyu, we ended up coming to a different solution: I would write a letter offering myself to be their queen in exchange for no one dying under the full moon. Then, if I was unable to convince him otherwise, we would ambush the werewolf king and kill him. This plan will aid us, and also keep the fact that I am male a secret... Of course, the party just thinks Minyu is just unwilling to lose her virginity like that, and is protecting me

This is roughly where we leave off for the future. The werewolves seem open to their end of the bargain.

[skyburialatnight]

Vox Machina Community AU

aka This Is The Darkest Timeline

(tbh apart from Keyleth=Britta and Percy or Vax=Jeff, I couldn’t really get a handle on who was who, so consider this a community college au haha)

-Vax and Vex, highflying lawyers, are found to have lied about having law degrees, and are forced to go back to community college to obtain one. 

-Vax is frustrated to go to back to tertiary, which he left behind after having an awful time at university, Vex following him.

-Vex is more enthused to go back, finally able to study what she wants, rather than what her father wanted her to.

-Vax meets Keyleth in one of his classes (Introduction to High Societal Social Conventions) and she asks him to join the study group

-He initially doesn’t want to but Vex convinces him by saying, “Brother you don’t have any other friends other than me and our dog. You don’t have work anymore, live a little.” 

-He only goes because Vex is going

-Keyleth invites the rest of VM to the study group, in the hopes that she makes new friends, and to also hopefully help others who are in need.

-Keyleth hopes to be a therapist, and that by making a study group, practice helping others in a non-professional manner. Turns out, she needs help sometimes from the group too to become a better person. She often runs awareness campaigns for environmental rights and animal abuse, and helps out in the community garden with her friend Kerrek.

-Percy is a millionaire genius engineer who attended the college out of boredom, and in the hope of getting out of managing his family’s estate, which has been passed onto his poor sister Cassandra. Despite his aristocratic exterior, he tries to find friends and family within Vox Machina, having only Cassandra with him for most of his life after their family died in a mysterious fire.

-Pike came to the college with her best friend and adopted brother Grog, in the hopes of learning nutritional science and to be able to develop the first sweets high in vitamins for everyday consumption. Both Grog and Pike liked sweet things, but often during their teenage years had to forgo them due to strict diets during rowning season. 

-Grog was all set to go to a prestigious sports university when he broke his hip bone attempting to parkour, stopping him from doing competitive sports ever again. He hopes to get into Emon’s theatre life instead, but always struggled with reading scripts. With Pike to help him, he hopes that college will help him with his literacy skills. 

-Scanlan is still unsure what to do. He was all set to do a Performing Arts degree in flute, but realised he ended up hating his instrument after all the rigourous practice he had to do to maintain his skill. He just hopes he’ll known what to major by the time he leaves so he can get a decent job to support his new-found daughter, Kaylie. 

-Gilmore is the Dean.

-It was a rocky start, filled with distrust and Vax and Percy not being the warmest people, but eventually they become a close knit group. 

-Scanlan and Grog end up moving in together (which sounds like a terrible idea but alas) and having a Moving In Party. 

-Grog states that they already have a house-warming gift, a diarama scene of a bunch of magical dragons attempting to attack a city, complete with ‘flaming’ meteors, from their nextdoor neighbour, a strange man in a cowboy hat named McCree.

-Percy states he has a housewarming gift as well, but he says he’ll give it to them later. He tells Vax in secret that its a skull that Grog found really creepy last time he stayed over.

-Everyone starts to play jenga, but then the doorbell rings, and Scanlan states that someone has to get the pizza. Vax says they should use the detatchable dice on Vex’s keychain, with each number representing 1 of the group. He rolls a 1, meaning Scanlan has to go get the pizza. 

Several things happen (this is a rewrite of Remedial Chaos Theory, Troy’s timeline): 

-Scanlan, annoyed at missing his turn in jenga and having to walk down stairs (”there’s like 4 flights, and I have very short legs”) slams the door, disloging a meteor on the floor.

-Grog attempts to tell a story about the time he was sure he had sex with a mermaid, and everyone makes disgusted sounds.

-Pike goes to check on the brownies that she’s baking, (”They are healthy and delicious and full of Vitamin D!” “Please tell me it’s not full of dicks.” “Come on Percy you know dicks would make them really chewy.” “Ah, well you’re not wrong.”).

-Vex starts to play ‘Applause’ by Lady Gaga on the stereo, which Vax stops because he had a bad experience with that song and compulsory ballroom dancing/jump jam classes his father used to force him to go to when he was 16 (Vex instead had horse riding, and did not know about his dance lessons. “Wait, why did you not tell me?” “It was... a dark time.” “Vax our entire childhood was ‘a dark time.’). 

-Keyleth instead asks Grog where the bathroom is so she can smoke “natural herbs I swear! For a pick-me-up!”, and he shows her, both ignoring the meteor on the floor. 

-Percy asks Vax about his father and the dance lessons. Vax looks at him and says no, and goes to the kitchen to get a drink but ends up hitting his head on the ceiling fan.

-Vex goes to get the first aid kit, but trips over the meteor, crashing into the table and spilling the bottle of whiskey onto the floor. 

-Percy goes to stand up and help but kicks his gift over, making the skull roll on the floor. 

-Scanlan comes back with the pizzas, but is shot in the leg when the gun in Vex’s bag goes off. 

-Pike runs in and drops the brownies on the floor, and goes to stop the bleeding, and is splattered in blood. 

-Percy yells at Vax, “Call 911″ then goes to help Pike.

-Keyleth comes running out from the bathroom and drops her lit joint into the spilt whiskey, making it burst into flame. 

-Vex freaks out and attempts to find water for the flame, but only ends up splashing the contents  a water bottle onto the huge flame.

-Vax attempts to smother it in a table cloth but then his arm catches on fire. 

-Grog, having taken a shit after Keyleth left, comes running in, sees the scene in front of him and the creepy skull, falls to his knees and screams. 

“I’ve been thinking about that night over and over and one thing is for certain,” Percy said regretfully, “this is the most darkest and terrible timeline.” 

“Cut the timeline crap Percy,” cried Keyleth. 

“-Scanlan got shot in the leg and died

-Pike’s a drunk

-Vex has become a recluse in the middle of Alaska with her dog because the guilt made her have a mental breakdown and leave Vax behind

-Vax lost an arm

-And Grog lost his larynx because for some reason he thought it’d be a good idea to get rid of a flaming skull by eating it!”

She threw her arms in the air. “This is real! Look at us! Look at me!”

“But Keyleth,” said Pike, “You just dyed a streak of your hair blue.”

“THINGS GOT DARK!”

And then, at some point, a guy called Tarion Darington tries to join the study group. Keyleth hates him immediately. 

[notesfromanerdyarchaeologist]

For the D&D ask meme: 1, 13, 31 :>

Oh goodness! Let's see,

1. I think my favourite character is my Tiefling paladin of conquest: Baileisophonie Akteron. They are a non-binary mercenary with a heart of gold and fluff whilst also taking on the mantle of the Wolfsong of War of their people (homebrew world which I co-worked/DMed on, Tieflings are intensely communal and their stories/myths are passed by song e.g. sacred harp singing). They started the campaign (which was a morally grey campaign, SUCH FUN!) as a grizzled veteran bounty hunter who was deliberately not getting too attached to people (because of tragic backstory TM) and has ended the campaign protecting a smol halfling necromancer wizard called Bree who is literally the most ADORABLE and Bailey will literally do anything to protect their best friend, and they lived happily ever after. Nothing bad happened to either of them. Nope. Not at all.

13: so the current campaign that I am playing is literally apocalyptic: the party is trying to get the rings of the four horsemen (the DM is basing them on the Darksider horsemen) to being balance back to the world and save the multiverse from ending. So we have:

Elias Zantine (My character): a divination wizard, loosely based on John Constantine. Sarcastic, long suffering party dad (with MAJOR periods of irresponsibility and daemon summoning...cough cough). About 35 currently he has been hunting monsters professionally for the last 15 years, ever since a lovcraftian abomination ripped his family apart and his mind was only kept intact by his enchanted tarot deck (which is his casting focus, sort of gambit style). His ring is Death.

Helga Glitterbeard: a dwarven druid. The group mum, the only one with a level head and good ideas. Relatively young but wise she is out in the world trying to find out why she lost her mining colony in a freak collapse. A penchant for lighting storms and turning into a giant bear. Also crushing majorly on a demigod of dwarves the party met recently, the party wingmanned hard for her. Alas, a natural 1. Her ring is strife.

Mattias: a young tabaxi bloodhunter, armed with scimitar and hand crossbow, Matti is literally a walking disaster. But we love him. Trying to get his family back after a badly worded deal with a devil, Matti has been taken under Elias' wing and eagerly jumps at anything shiny and interesting! His ring is fury. Or should that be furry?

Barbara Zannigan: his parents wanted a girl. Babs is.....Oh gosh. A unrepentant hedonist, rich boy and absolute coward. Oh and a paladin of the ancients. Cursed by a angry druid (no relation to Helga) to turn into a mouse whenever truly frightened, he is seeking the end to his....issues. His ring is war.

Quinta: a half elf wild magic sorcerer, the result of biological and magical experimentation of an utter bastard of a father, Quinta is an adorable cinnamon roll of naivety and utter chaos. Instantly adopted by the party and loves jam and snakes. We have no idea what her ring is. Probably raspberry jam, god knows it is an apocalyptic mess when she eats that.

31: I have to say I love me a Tiefling, especially with the lore homebrewed. And honestly, paladin as a class, being able to tank, heal, buff and damage is lovely, you can fill any niche a party needs. Also their oaths and devotions make for amazing role play hooks and opportunities!

[survivorkochang]

Rites of Passage

Here are Anna Janes and Tobis’ Rites of Passages!

Anna: Cullan! Aka Mercury! Man you were a trip, ok I just opened our messages because a lot has happened this game and I’m having a hard time remembering everything. AH, so I really liked Goodman and you wanted him out over Jayden and I hadn’t talked to Jayden a lot so I wasn’t down for it. Then I think you went for Mitch who was my ride or die and I wasn’t gonna have that. Then there was controversy of “who said Goodmans name!” but regardless, I think if you got further you would have been sooooo entertaining! I wish you nothing but the best and hope you continue to play orgs!

Tobi: Different tribes and we never talked but sorry for your early boot

Anna: Hi! I didn’t get to meet you this game :( 

Tobi: Hihi so actually louise and I both knew you were leaving no matter what and we just voted with you so that our relationship in BAR wasn’t affected and it didn’t really matter in the end bc I flipped anyway LOL

Anna: Hi! I didn’t get to meet you this game :( JK but wow were you inactive lol, i mean you were in like 5 games and I’m sure Seamus forced you to play/wouldn’t let you withdraw your app so thats probably why LMAO uhh yeah i’m glad you were inactive because you scare me and i think we totally would have butt heads. Your vote out was pretty simple because tobi had got screwed over by his OG tribe and was looking to come over to my side, and you weren’t there so it was really easy. You’re an icon and i’m sure if you were active you would have easily made merge

Tobi: Hey sistur yes I did throw you under the bus and I apologize because it was either you or me and I didn’t want to leave so ya hope ur doing okay tho <3 icon

Anna: oh goodman, how i adored you. It was so obvious this was your first game and i really wanted to just tuck you under my wing and bring you to the end with me LOL but i think you had a hard time keeping secrets…. Like you told Frankie about the plan to blindside him and leave him out of the 2 tribal fiasco and i was like GOODMAN WTPPP but you were so sweet and genuine with me. I think once you get a hand on these orgs you’ll totally be able to rock them out! 

Tobi: Different tribes and we never talked but sorry for your early boot

Anna: a LEGENDARY MESS wow, so like i don't know where to start, it was so funny because we hadn’t even had a conversation yet and you created an alliance with me nicole and mitch. I would like to THANK YOU for starting that alliance because with that, came the me/mitch and nicole alliance that lasted LITERALLY all the way to like f7. But the way you talked to me in the alliances was just very demanding and made me feel icky. I don't rly love being told what to do and in these games i will pretend like i’m following the orders of the people who are doing the demanding just to like boost their ego but in reality im just gonna do my own thing and do whats best for me. The minute u were like really demanding towards me was when i was like ok yeah this isnt gonna work. I like alliances to be a team effort and everyone can speak their mind and do what they want and idkkk it just wasn’t that in ours which is why i flipped on you. You’re truly an icon though!!

Tobi: Okay like noah fence but like you didn’t save me during that f14 tribal I saved myself by my own efforts and u kinda just tried to use that as leverage LMAO but I appreciate ur somewhat help <3

Anna:  Jayden! So you were an easy vote out at this point because it was 3-3 i believe, so it was me u and nicole. Zach was very controlling and i was doing the thing where i like pretend to listen to demands. I knew you were an easy vote out and you leaving wouldn’t impact my game later on so i allowed zach to pick you off. I knew that voting with zach would give me some trust with him so i figured why not, IM SORRY LOL but ya that's why i let you go. You’re a super cool guy and i had a lot of fun during the endurance challenge

Tobi: We didn’t get to talk much but you seemed really sweet and like I hope you’re doing good!!

Anna: oh BOY. first of all you were ROBBED of jury and that is terrible, the hosts should be shunned for that because that was gross. But zach, i enjoyed every conversation we had and you are SO charming. Unfortunately i could see right through it all because i've played too many of these games. I’ve also played with ppl like you so i know how you function LOL omg that sounds mean but like, you were playing like someone who needed control and needed people in his pockets and the way you did that was charming them and being very on top of it all. Does that make sense? The minute we had one world and i could talk to agus he said “zach is controlling my tribe, he has dylan/bo and jones in his pocket” i was like okay i understand. I had to allow myself to seem like someone who was less than you so that you didn’t see me as like a bigger threat than you. So i did that, i voted jayden out. I pretended to give you idol guesses etc. i couldn’t give you all of my trust because i knew that we could NEVER work out together. You were the leader of your tribe and i could be seen as the leader of mine. So if we had gotten any further together, it would have been an all out WAR like could you imagine??? AND i had an idol and SO DID YOU like we were going to go head to head at some point. So when the move presented itself i knew i had to take it so that i could gain the trust of the people that were in your pocket and remove a huge threat to my game. You leaving was so beneficial to me omg, i got jones as an ally from it! But anyway, my gosh are you a great player and i don't think i got to ask about your org history but there is NO way you havent won a game before. You are strong and well spoken and again SO CHARMING like well done, i’m sorry i had to blindside u lol but jones told me about your idol and she told me that you were catching on to me and like wanting nicole out so i was like it is time!! I hope ur doing well and i wish 1 day i could be as cool as u tbh

Tobi: Oh Zach, sorry for playing you as hard as I did but I was planning it ever since you and dylan lied to me at the double tribal thing and I reveled in getting revenge hehe…  I flipped wayyyy back at f14 and started to plan to take you and dylan out ever since then and it worked hehe but you’re definitely a cool guy and we had some awesome convos it was just a shame that the double tribal went the way it did but alas it was fun!

Anna:  :( i don’t know what to say. I was very transparent and honest about your vote out because you are such an awesome person and i value you very much. I do think if you weren’t taken out at this point, it would have been bad for me. I think u had allies in places i didn’t even know about and you are very strategic and just a smart person. Im gonna be honest though and say the main like nail in your coffin was the way jones was pushing me off of you, so in these games its important to separate relationships and like not be obvious about who you DON’T want out. Which is why i dont think many people knew mitch was my ride or die. Maybe because no one really wanted him out so i didnt have the opportunity to campaign for him? But the way jones was campaigning for you to stay was very very intense and made it very obvious that if you had stayed, i would be second in jones’ mind. So voting you out allowed me to become super close to jones and allow her to rely on me more than she would have if you had stayed. I guess you could credit jones for your vote out LMAO because like at first i was fine with going for bo over you because we are friends and i adored you but then jones was like crying and freaking out over you leaving so i was like yaaaaaaaaa sorry friend

Tobi: Ok hi so like we had like one conversation the entire season and you didn’t bother to message me back so that’s on you…  Anyway like if you read zach’s rop you’d know the reason that I flipped was because both of you lied and expected me to be okay with it (which i obviously wasn’t then yall got merge boots lmao) and on TOP of that you throw me under the bus to louise who was the only person i could have a sense of trust with at the f14 tribal… like you reap what you sow sis idk what else to say bc that combination of actions really set me on a mission to take you and zach out xo

Anna: BO!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW you were honestly one of my favorite people in this game because you were so entertaining holy shit like the definition of a messy player, if they have a messy player season than wow are you ON IT. so your vote out was really funny because i was moving into my apartment so i was NOT online. I actually thought there was a chance that i could get voted out at that point. So the whole time i was like yes we can go for david its fine lets do it no problem. I had the votes and it was going to work out but THAN YOU OPENED YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You literally went and told david that i was gonna vote him YOU SENT A QUOTE! So then ofc i flipped the switch back onto you and it was no problem but oh my gosh if you had just not gone and told david the plan you wouldn’t have gone home! That move 100% was the reason you received my vote, i hope u play more games because you’re such a character and i had a lot of fun playing with you even though you made me want to rip my hair out at some points

Tobi: You’re a sweet kid and you did good for your first org but you also shot yourself in the foot at your vote out… like literally you weren’t the one who was supposed to go… david was but you HAD to tell david about it which made zero sense considering that vote was between you and david lol… but i dont really hold it against you since im sure you were trying your best hehe!! Hope you’re doing good and you play in more orgs!

Anna: i would like to thank u for ruining my potential perfect game (im writing this before FIC so hence potential) r u d e. BUT my love for you extends so far it could reach where you live and come back to where i live and go back and forth 20834324320842 times. You have been a close friend of mine since JPORG but unfortunately this game we just weren’t on the same side of the tracks. And unfortunately, my side had more people lol but yeah your vote out was simple. We went into that challenge knowing that if you lost, you would go home. If you had won, david would go home. I was lowkey really nervous when you started to like pitch against me lol but i really knew that 1 of the people on my side would tell me so i could idol so i wasn’t like waste my idol nervous if you know what i mean. But i adore you, you’re a scary player and the minute i saw your name on the cast reveal i thought “oh no” because you play like i do, you aren’t afraid to be the big dog and you aren’t afraid to make the moves you need to make when you need to make them. I could sing your praises for days Agustin and you know that.

Tobi: Yoo like i liked talking to you and all and we were on the same page for a lot of the season BUT in my plans to get revenge on zach and dylan i aligned with a group that sadly didn’t include you in it but yeah it was really fun playing with you and omg i LOVED when you called me out in tribal like that was so fun and i really enjoyed it!!

Anna: david, david, david. Your vote out was the craziest and most intense tribal of the game for me. It opened my eyes to so much and allowed me to really dig deep and see what i had to do to get further. So we connected since the beginning and i made sure to watch out for you BUT i saw you as a threat. I saw you as someone who could beat me at challenges and i knew from the beginning of merge that i had to pick off the people that could stop me from winning mandatory immunities. So with that in my head AND the thought that you would be the first to flip on me in the u/me/mitch/tobi/nicole alliance, i knew that you had to go sooner than later. So you found out about nicoles idol and jones and tobi both told me. And then you WOULDN’T tell me who told you about the idol so i went to mitch and was like “hey david told me you told him about my and nicoles idol” even though you didn’t just so i could bait him. It worked, he admitted it. THAT MOMENT WAS CRUCIAL TO EVERYTHING OH MY GOD but yeah i knew that tobi and jones were with me and tobi did NOT benefit at all by voting out nicole. Thats what i dont think a lot of people understood, ya’ll kept trying to pick nicole off to get at me but tobi’s only win con was sitting next to nicole……. So thats how i knew he wasn’t going to do that all the times ya’ll tried it. But yeah, i told you i was voting you out and you know i adore you as a person. I think you’re a bomb ass player and you def gave me a run for my money lol

Tobi: Hey bud so like i know i played you and mitch pretty hard at your vote out and like it was absolutely nothing personal but it was kinda obvious that you and mitch were closer to together than you were to me so like working with you two wasnt super optimal for me and like taking you out helped me achieve a few things like taking out a challenge threat and it threw mitch under the bus which let me last another 2 rounds so like ya that was my thought process behind it and I hope you’re doing well 

Anna: mitch. My GOD did you play me good. You were in my DMs saying how you want me to win and you are so dyingly loyal and blah blah AND THEN YOU FLIPPED ON ME BUT NOT ONLY DID YOU FLIP ON ME BUT YOU FLIPPED ON MY TOOOOOO EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh, 

i think of all the ppl that were like GET ANNA OUT GET ANNA OUT u were the person who i think could do it. But regardless, you were my person in this game. Like yes nicole was too but nicole wasn’t online enough to rly RLY be my person that i strategize with and talk to all the time. Like i told you all of my plans and we made moves together. I would NEVER say you were in my pocket and i can honestly say sitting at f3 that i don’t think you were. We were a team and we made moves together. We made plans together, we got the idols together. You and me did this together and i will never take that for granted. I had SO MUCH FUN playing with you mitch and becoming FRIENDS with you and really getting to know you. Our friendship is something i will take away from this game and i am so happy about that. You’re a bad ass mitch, thank you for playing this game by my side

Tobi: Lord like honestly our relationship is so rocky KJHLKJ like im gonna be real and say like I lied maybe a lil too much BUT it was for strategic reasons and letting david go and letting you take the hit for it really let me get through a few rounds with one move and like I also apologize about your own vote out like okay honestly i was already pretty leaning towards voting you out already but then when aj told me you wanted to vote me out (a plan which neither you or jones told me about) really sealed the deal and like i also was in a peculiar situation because nicole is the only person I have a real chance of beating in that f5 so it would've been really dumb for me to vote her out so yeah okay like i always feel like i wanna work with you but our plans never seem to work with each other KJHLKJ but i definitely hope we can work together if we meet each other again!!

Anna: jones, im getting exhausted writing all these but i really want to like be genuine and honest in all of them so here we go, I adore u wow, u are such an honest genuine soul that i know is seriously going to do amazing things in orgs and just life in general. Like i told you, you remind me of myself when i first started playing (which is a good and a bad thing LOL) but you are intense, you are confident in your game, and you are powerful. You should be proud of the way you played and excited for the games you play in the future. Your vote out was actually wild because at no point at all was i ever considering voting tobi out. So you were FLOODING me with messages, emotional intense messages that made me want to rip my hair out. Because you were telling me you weren’t gonna vote tobi, and then you were, and then you weren’t again and i was so confused because your ONLY argument with me was voting tobi out because i told you i was never ever going to vote nicole. NO ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE WANTED TO VOTE OUT NICOLE FOR SO MANY REASONS. But thats neither here nor there lol but yeah you were very aggressive and i was sooo taken back by it. It pretty much solidified my vote for you because tobi wasn’t begging for his life lol which like shows me that YOU were going to fuckin woop my ass at FIC and give the same amount of effort that im about to give to it, like girl you did the logic puzzle for 3 HOURS!!! you just dont give up. You would have fought tooth and nail to wipe the floor with me at that FIC and you cant deny that! But yeah, the begging and the emotional messages def helped ensure me voting for you. AND THEN FUCKIN NICOLE WASNT ONLINE. So this is actually wild what i did here and im sorry in advance but she wasn’t on and i knew me and tobi were voting you so i went to you and was like yo…. Tobi doesn’t have any votes against him you should make him join the votes club OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND YOU SAID YES SO MY LITTLE DEVIL BRAIN WAS LIKE YES BITCH 2-1-1, if you voted nicole it would have been fire making and nicole would have possibly lost. It was genius, it was cruel and i am sorry but i had to do it……… tobi knew too!!!! Ok im tired this was dumb i hate ROP, i adore you, you’re gonna kill muxloe but my one little snippet of advice is to NOT invest yourself into these games in an unhealthy way. I know this from experience because when i first got 4th my first game i SOBBED, the second time i got 4th I SOBBED the first time i got 2nd I SOBBED the second time i got 2nd I SOBBED and like when i say sobbed i mean it tore me up and i was mad and sad and just hurt emotionally so i GET IT. i get it, but its not good for your health!!!! Like once i learned to stop playing like that it helped me soooo much (it took me literally until this game sooooooooooooooooooooo im trash but still) I LOVE U JONESY GUACEY POOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tobi: Ahhh jones you were honestly a joy to talk to and like I really enjoyed working with you!! Especially on that vote where we successfully flushed nicole’s idol which was honestly like 200iq stuff KLJHKJ and I feel like I came into f5/f4 being like the second least likely person to win with you and AJ being the most likely to win so at f4 the pressure was really on me because it was a choice of definitely making final tribal council but probably losing or having to work so much harder to make final tribal council but also having a real chance to win… and in the end i did what was best for my  game and i’m glad you understood that… but highkey i felt so bad that you voted for me bc if you voted for nicole you legit would’ve put firemaking into play KJHSDF but anyways it was really nice getting to meet you and know you hehe

Anna: I love u with my whole heart and I hope ur okay, I had to write this very fast so I can’t write it how I want to but just know I’m so appreciative of you and am glad I got to know you through this game

Tobi: hihi so like i really do appreciate everything we've done here together and like i really enjoyed our talks and stuff but you just went inactive (for personal reasons which i understand) but like you getting removed at f3 completely fucked over my game LKJHDSLFKJHA but like all that's really important is that you take care of your own stuff okay hehe luv u beecole <#