#she wanted to put an end to it because she became a dr to help others not harm

[pinkcadavart]

Mama, they say I'm a terrorist

[morning-star-joy]

Do you ever plan on writing maybe a little pregnancy one shot for our ASHWAH babies? 🥺🫶🏽

So I did actually write a little something playing with the idea last year, but it got buried in my docs and I forgot about it until now! Not an actual pregnancy, but just a short drabble of Joel thinking about it. Here it is!

give you my wild, give you a child

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, ASHWAH Universe

Summary: Joel imagines another kind of life.

Warnings/Tags: 18+ MDNI Mentions of previous smut. Joel is a breeding kink legend. Thoughts of pregnancy and body changes through pregnancy. Pregnancy kink.

Wordcount: 1k

A/N: Just a gentle reminder that ASHWAH pregnancy is not canon! It's just an AU exploration, and you do not have to consider it their ending if you don't want it to be. Any direct sequel won't have it <3

Important: Please read this post before engaging with any of my fics. How you can help Palestine.

Joel was trying hard not to think about it.

He had been trying so very hard not to think about it for months now.

But she was making that an extremely difficult task.

Especially with the way she was holding Hope right now, balancing Tommy’s one-year-old daughter on her knees, gently bouncing her up and down with a bright smile at the baby’s giggles that filled the air.

It was one of the many times the two had taken up babysitting their goddaughter, while Tommy and Maria got some much needed rest. But each time Hope was in their house—because that’s what it was now, their house, as she had hardly left it since that night in front of the fireplace when they had finally given into each other—Joel felt an ache in his chest.

That ache slowly grew into an unfamiliar longing, one that only deepened whenever the baby was balanced on her hip as she talked to the child, or rocked her to sleep in her arms.

Joel wasn’t an idiot. He knew how impractical it was, even with how happy they all were to have Hope in their lives.

He knew it wasn’t even something that she really wanted, or at least not the last time they had actually talked about it.

God, no, had been the words she sputtered when he had off-handedly asked her about it in Hope’s nursery a year before, long before they had fallen for each other as fully, as completely as they did.

But he knew how much their goddaughter meant to her, how much her natural instinct of a protector kicked in around the baby, much like his own.

And then there was that one night, when she had worn that lace that he still dreamed about, a memory that possessed his mind whenever they were apart. The way it laid against her skin, sticking to her cunt with her own release when she rode his thigh with a desperation that only became needier when he slipped his cock inside her, and words he’d never forget fell from her lips.

You’d like to put your baby in me, hm?

He’d nearly lost his goddamn mind when she said it, fucking into her with abandon, filthy words he’d never even dreamed of uttering to her streaming from his lips.

And she fucking loved it, begged for it, that pussy that he worshipped squeezing his cock tighter than he’d ever felt as she came from the promises he made of filling her up until it took.

So maybe…

No, Joel thought firmly, trying to cut off that line of thought before his mind could wander down it again, like it had every time they’d taken care of his brother’s child the past few months. He had to stop his brain from concocting an image that was far too sweet, too innocent and idealistic to ever be true.

But as she lifted Hope into the air, grinning up at the baby with a softness on her face he never saw with anybody else—he wondered.

He wondered how she would look with another child in her arms, a precious life made up of both of theirs. Maybe one with his strong nose, and her sharp eyes. Or his stern brow, and her striking hair.

Her hair that he so loved to admire night after night, along with every inch of her, his hands gently running over the body that had become a home to him, while she drifted off to sleep under his familiar touch.

As his fingers skimmed across her chest and down to her stomach some nights, Joel imagined if by some bizarre twist of fate, after one of their heated moments of passion where they got carried away in him filling her up, that it did take.

He pictured the swell of her breasts as she lay naked in their bed; soft, tantalizing flesh that would only grow fuller. The same way her whole body would slowly change, her stomach rounder because of him, as she—

“Joel?”

Blinking rapidly, he was pulled sharply from his silly daydreams, shaking his head to bring himself back to the present and focus on the love of his life as she stood in front of him.

Her eyebrow was arched as she looked over him with a question in those piercing eyes. Hope was balanced on her hip, the baby’s fingers gripping onto her hair, and Joel’s breath caught in his throat. He keenly felt that ache of longing again as she gently removed the small, chubby fingers from her hair and held out the baby to him.

“Can you hold her for a bit?” she asked, and Joel accepted Hope into his arms without question, even though in the back of his mind he kept picturing how it would feel to pass that child from his imagination, the one with some unique mix of their features, between them. “Gotta pee.”

Joel huffed out a quiet laugh, mumbling an affirmative, “No problem.”

Still, she watched him for a moment longer, glancing over his face before leaning in to kiss him on the cheek.

“Your mind’s a mile away today,” she mumbled, pulling back to move away, but not before Joel could wrap his free arm around her waist. He brought her back in for a proper kiss, no matter how quick the peck on the lips was so she could run to the bathroom.

“My bad,” he said quietly, avoiding her gaze to look down at Hope, even as he felt the familiar intensity of being analyzed by his woman before she moved away.

“Let me see inside your head later,” she called over her shoulder, her voice only half-teasing as she moved towards the bathroom. “I wanna see what has my man so far from planet earth.”

Joel stiffened, holding his breath until he heard the bathroom door close, and only then did he exhale sharply, lifting one hand from where he had brought Hope securely against his chest to rub his thumb and forefinger across his eyes.

Fuck.

[kittenlittle24]

Cleopatra

As always, gif not mine, likes and comments are appreciated!

Masterlist

You were a few years younger than Gregory House when you met. Before he suffered an infarction in his right leg, before he met Stacy.

You met Gregory House when he was a resident and you were in your last year of high school. You came to visit a friend that was hospitalized. He was sharp and quick, he saw things others missed or ignored and knew how to connect the dots.

He was the reason you went to study medicine, though unlike him you became a surgeon. Despite his reputation, for you, he had a soft spot and helped you with your studies, and was never too mean to you. Of course, he pushed you to your limits so you’d be the best but he never did anything to hurt you.

When he had his infection and diagnosed himself you visited him in the hospital and he told you he chose the painful path to keep his leg. He chose to undergo a procedure to bypass circulation around the dead muscle. The result was intense pain during the healing process.

That was also where you met his girlfriend. In one of the times visiting him, she was sitting with him, one hand holding his, the other stroking his face. You felt your stomach clench at the sight but pushed through when his eyes met yours. You planted a fake smile on your lips and entered the room, you knew he was in too much pain to see through you.

A few days later your phone rang, and his name popped on screen, though it wasn’t his rough voice that greeted you. It was instead Stacy’s. Asking for your opinion about Cuddy’s middle-ground offer, it didn’t matter how much you objected because, in the end, you understood that she had her mind made up as soon as he asked to be placed in a chemically induced coma.

After that phone call, you rushed to the hospital, hoping you would get there before he’s taken to surgery.

You reached the hallway just as he was pulled out of the room, Stacy exited behind him, “Stop! Please!”

Grabbing Stacy’s attention, she shook her head at the nurses taking him before she marched straight up to you and told you to stay away and put you on the not allowed to visit list.

You desperately wanted to be there for him but Stacy didn’t like having a young groupie around her boyfriend and made sure that you knew that. You didn’t come back after that. You were petrified that he would blame you for not stopping Stacy.

You got an offer for a fellowship at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital and decided to take it because you heard he works there now. You felt that you had unfinished business between the two of you. You weren’t sure whether what drove you back was guilt or the feelings you pushed down since the day you met him.

You’d like to think you’ve changed in the last few years. Superficially, you changed your hair and the way you dressed. But you also grew, you weren’t some meek resident or a high schooler blinded by her adoration for him, you were a stronger and more resilient person now.

Or so you’d like to think.

About a month into your fellowship a young female doctor with long brown hair, walked up to you introduced herself as Dr Cameron, and asked if you could get your boss to help with her case. Learning she’s on a fellowship as well you quickly became friends and it wasn’t long before she exposed that she’s a fellow under one Dr Greg House. You exchanged details and promised to hang out before going your separate ways. You occasionally saw him in the cafeteria or the clinic; if he recognized you he never admitted it. You felt that same stomach clench when you saw him eating lunch with Wilson and Stacy walked up to them to talk.

Much later that day, or rather night, you walked to the glass block office, staring at the clear door on which in white capital letters GREGORY HOUSE, MD. Was written.

You turned sharply at the sound of someone clearing their throat behind you. There he stood, a black blazer on a light blue shirt and a cane in his right hand.

Seeing him this close you noticed the grey hairs and the crowfeet and realized a lot must have happened in the last five years since you saw each other.

“I was curious how long it would take you to come to see me.” He stated.

Lowering your head, you didn’t know if to be happy or anxious that he recognized you. Moving past you, he opened the door and walked into his office.

“Are you coming in or not?” He asked holding the door for you.

You didn’t need to be asked twice, rushing inside you watched him limp to his desk before taking a seat and raising his leg to rest on his desk.

Taking a pill bottle out of his inner pocket, he rattled it before opening it and popping a pill into his mouth.

“Are you still involved with Stacy?”

Placing the Vicodin bottle on his glass desk and picking up his red ball instead, “Nope.” He replied as he tossed and caught it, playing catch with himself.

Feeling a slight relief at his answer, you glanced at the chair on the opposite end, you considered sitting but you were still too anxious and hyped about what was about the nearing discussion and chose to stare outside the window behind him.

“You asked a question, now, my turn.” He stated as he continued to play with his ball, never looking at you, “Why disappear and suddenly reappear?”

“Those are two questions.” You whispered still staring at the dark skyline.

Putting the ball down, he pulled his legs down, grabbed his cane, and came to stand in your face, “Let me rephrase, where were you when they agreed to surgically remove my muscle?”

You closed your eyes for a second and took a deep breath, “She asked to stay away. Stacy called to consult about the surgery, I knew that she had her mind set and that she wouldn’t listen to anything I was going to say.”

He took a small step forward, which made you retreat, “You didn’t stop them.” He excused.

Feeling a tear slide down your cheek, you harshly wiped it as if he didn’t see it.

“I tried House! I had no power, she was your appointed medical proxy and she told me to stay away.”

As if the fight left him, House went silent. Walking past you he left his office and headed straight to the elevator.

You let out a shaky breath as you heavily sat down and covered your face with your palms. You knew you weren’t done yet.

He barged into Stacy’s office, the door slamming against the wall from the force he used on it.

“You sent Y/n away?”

Dropping the papers she was reading she leaned back in her chair, “I’m surprised she didn’t run to tell until now.”

Standing up she moved to lean against her desk, “She was in love with you, probably still is. I had to fight for our relationship every day after your surgery enough, I didn’t need her there to watch me fail and wait to take my spot.”

“You were so insecure about our relationship that you sent her away from me.” He concluded.

He shook his head and left her office to go back to his. He paused at the doorway when she called his name but didn’t turn to face her.

“She worships you, don’t ruin it.”

He nodded once and walked away.

Once he reached his office door he hesitated, his hand hovering over the handle. He stared at the back of your head, seemingly you didn’t move while he went to confront Stacy. Sighing he pushed the door open and entered it.

“I take it Stacy told you the same I did.” You softly said as you mindlessly pushed something back and forth on top of his desk, your back still facing him.

Taking a couple of steps forward, he tapped his cane on the carpet, “Also shared this interesting theory that you’re in love with me.”

You turned in your seat, your arm resting on the backrest as you stared at him, not knowing if he was yanking your chain or actually dense.

“Not going to deny yet?”

Standing up you stepped up to him, “House, are you kidding me? I'd be your mistress just to have you around.”

His eyebrows shot to his hairline, he opened his mouth to say some sarcastic remark but stopped himself.

After a few seconds in which he stayed silent, “I came here to apologize for not fighting harder, maybe-“

“There wasn’t anything you could have done. Stacy wouldn’t have let you.”

Shaking your head, “Probably not, but I still owe you an apology. And I am sorry I wasn’t there.”

Walking past him towards the door, “I guess I’ll see you around, Dr. House.”

[puhpandas]

Do you have any analysis or notes on how different both dr rabbit and Gregory’s personality is like? I can’t read the book of ggy but I’d like to know how different these two are just like Vanny and Vanessa.

OH DO I. u just opened a can of worms anon. pausing tower of hell for this

thisll all just be off the top of my head but I hope itll help anyway :)

from reading ggy and analyzing the shit out of dr rabbits behavior and doing the same with Gregorys SB personality along with ruin, there are immediately 2 key differences

dr rabbit is a character that puts on a front and a show for everything. hes portrayed as a genius who never does something without it being calculated and valuable for whatever hes trying to achieve

in GGYs case, one of Rabs goals was for some reason to play a part so tony and ellis would like him by playing into each of their interests. this was probably to appear more inconspicuous and seem less guilty since no teacher would pick out a kid from their class as someone to be worried about if he has good grades and has friends and seems plenty happy

he would joke around with ellis and play games with him and hang out with him, and with tony, he would say a couple deep sounding sentences to play into Tony's interest in the meanings of life and its mysteries and stuff. he did it just enough to the point where tony would notice it and prefer him over Ellis because of it but he also wouldnt pay him any mind when he wasn't actively doing that stuff

so basically rab always acts knowing exactly what he wants to come out of every interaction and it usually works. most of his personality is fronts he puts on for whatever goal hes trying to achieve

but with Gregory, none of his personality shown in sb/ruin is meant to put any sort of front or mask on. he doesnt even try to put on a brave face most of the time. he usually isn't that scared of things and can push through it, but he also has no problem expressing fear if he actually is scared of something (shown in the lines "its pretty dark in there" and "what was that??" in response to his watch beeping)

a lot of his interactions with people and just his outward personality are really genuine. that doesnt mean hes always nice or kind, but he just does or says what he actually feels. a lot of the time in sb he happens to be in a bad mood (for a. very good reason) and snappish towards anyone interacting with him. none of the 'quips' he says are meant to be funny, it's just him complaining and it happens to sound humorous just because of his personality

so that's immediately one line drawn between the two of them. tldr rab puts on fronts and nothing of what he does is genuine but everything Gregory does is genuine just in the way that it's true to himself his personality and what he is feeling in the moment

another thing is obviously their moral code. i dont rlly wanna focus much on this because its kinda obvious. rab will obviously do whatever it takes to stay in operation and was probably created to keep vanny in check, even if it includes murdering tons of people and glitchtrap abusing vanny through him. but Gregory holds a very specific moral code that I can boil down best to "I wont help anyone who doesnt deserve it, but if they do deserve it I'll truly try my best to save them, even if it means risking my life"

the way that Gregory decides which people are worth saving is pretty basic. people like vanny obviously don't deserve to be saved because shes evil and kills people. but vanessa was forced to be mind controlled by her and puppeted around to do it so Gregory believed she deserved to be saved

and the glamrocks werent because they were killer robots trying to rip him apart for seemingly no reason. gregory had no idea about any viruses or probably that they were sentient until Freddy became sentient but that was already by the end of the game. he decommissioned them with the knowledge that they were trying to hurt him, they're robots and can be fixed, and that they probably will by tomorrow because in a few hours the place will open

rab is also patient 46 so any little quirks in those tapes also apply to him. things like disliking flowers and liking the dark and liking to watch sports are all him, but theres no telling how much he could have picked up from Gregory by being created off of him

as for just like. dialogue things and how they talk, rab is a lot more literal and blunt with the things he talks about. gregory also says what he means and takes it literal, but he talks with "uh... like... I guess.... umm" things like that. rab doesn't stutter and he has a bigger vocabulary, while Gregory calls the security badge stations "badge head things" and stuff he doesnt know what to call "things"

rab is also very good at reading people and obviously a really good liar to the point where he can get anyone to believe what he wants. but Gregory is a very very shit liar LMAO. he literally just said "I'd rather not say" to Freddy about Monty and just told the truth but changed a little with the others

with vanessa and vanny they for sure changed Vanessa's personality in SB compared to the trailers so she turned from afraid and worried to snappish and annoyed. I honestly think that now vanessa is never vanessa at all during SB but shes always vanny, just in and out of costume. this way, Vanessa's like the opposite of vanny with how shes more timid from all the trauma and naturally afraid

so with Gregory and rab it could be the same but with different things. vanessa and Vannys personalities are black and white, but Gregory and rab dont talk or act very differently outwardly so it's more of a mental change

I've analyzed the crapp out of these 2 so I hope this helped a little bit =)

[mshalfemptygirl]

The Prince Agent (S.R)

Plot: Reader is called to help Spencer with a case and things get too cute.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Dr!Fem!Reader

Contents: Really quicky mention to kidnapping and lots of fuffy

A/N: guys it’s my first fic, so let me know if you guys liked it, if you need a part 2. There are some translations at the end for you to understand the fic. Just give support and love. Thank you very much. Enjoy! 

I never knew exactly where linguistics was going to take me, but this is too much. I was at the police station, dressed an updated version of what it was meant to be Mary Stuart all because I helped my teacher with an Scotch Language Class this afternoon. You know, I'm in the postdoctoral program and sometimes we need to help our teacher and that's mean look ridiculous when they ask you to do a "favor" to them. So, I'm here, next to the door, feeling lost and angry for not have time to change my outfit. They said that just need to find an Agent called Dr. Spencer Reid to translate a little girl who was saved by the team. It gonna be easy, but no.

I notice that there is a man looking at me, he’s next to bullpens with some paper in his right hand. He is tall and very handsome by the way. In fact, he's wearing a tie that makes him look really HOT but I can't think about those things at such a delicate moment like this, I need to focus. I walked towards him, looking at the floor because in addition to the long dress, I was wearing high heels and I didn't want to embarrass myself in the middle of the police station. When I stopped in front of him, he put the papers on the table and gave me a small smile.

“Excuse me, where can I find Dr. Spencer Reid?” I returned the smile, wishing it was him.

“Well, right here. I’m Dr Spencer Reid, nice to meet you. You should be Dr. Y/N L/N. Or maybe Princess Y/N L/N?” he give me a big smile. “Can you follow me?” I felt my face burn, he was making fun of me and it made me a thousand times more nervous. I start follow him to the hallway with many rooms, the walls were white and light blue, there is a clock on the wall.

“Sorry, I didn’t have time for change. And It supposed to be Mary Stuart. So it’s Queen Y/N L/N”. He nodded while he run his hand over his hair. He stopped to think about something. Even nervous, I can't take my eyes off him. “Did you know that Mary became Queen of Scots at only six days of age and Mary’s last night was spent drafting an elaborate will in which all her servants were remembered. On the day of her execution, she appeared in her customary black cloak and with a white veil over her head and she then dropped the cloak to reveal a crimson red dress?” he ask me, I can see the excited in his face. I couldn't help but smile big, he's so endearing, so cute. I think he's trying to make me more comfortable.

“Yes!!! And she also was the first woman to practice golf in Scotland. She even caused a scandal when she was seen playing the game at St Andrews within days of her husband Darnley's murder. She was a such badass, I like her” I said. Then I remember about the little girl, they must have been in a hurry to help her. “But Dr. Reid, changing the subject, can we talk about the little girl? What you want me to do?” the expression on his face changed from a happy face to a worried one.

He explained to me that she was only 6 years old, she is physically fine and she was rescued from a kidnapping a few hours ago, they couldn't find her family and they couldn't ask her questions because she only speaks Portuguese. That's why they called me. It looks like his team has been looking into this possible unsub for months. Well, now I'm more relieved to be dressed like this, she deserves a good time in the middle of this chaos, I hope she likes princesses. Doctor Reid will walk me into the room so I can be the bridge between him and Mila.

I was the first to enter the room, there were some children's things on a table in the corner of the room. In the center of the room was a shaggy green rug and a table. Mila was drawing on the table, she had her back to me, focused on drawing and there is another blonde woman in the room with her, it must be another agent. She got up and wished him good luck. I looked at him and he nodded for me to start.

"Oi Mila, me falaram que tinha uma princesa por aqui” ¹ she looked at me and took to give me a hug. She got really excited saying several things at the same time, I sat with her on the floor and she played with my hair. That's when she realized that Dr. Reid was in the room and her face was etched with fear. “Mila, ele não vai te fazer mal, ele é muito legal! Sabe, o nome dele é Spencer e ele é meu principe. Ele é meu cavaleiro que me protege de coisas ruins e ele protege princesas como você também. Então ele não vai te fazer mal. Okay?” ²

She waved at me and I gave her a smile. I called Spencer over and he sat on the other side of the table. I translated for him what I said to her and it was like that for 40 minutes. Mila was no longer afraid of him, she gave as much information as possible about the man who took her and she also talked about her family. When she was scared, she squeezed my hand really tight and I told her that everything was going to be alright. Now, she going to draw two drawings for us. “Y/N, I will pass the information for Agent Garcia so she can start the search. You helped a lot. Thank you. Can you stay with her?" I nodded to him. “Mila, diz “Bye, Spencer”, ele precisa ir agora” ³.

“NÃO! Ele tem que dar um presente para você. Ele é seu principe, não é? Vocês tem que casar e viver felizes para sempre” ⁴ At that moment my heart beat faster. Holy shit, how was I going to translate this to him?! I can feel the presure. If I was avoiding embarrassing myself, now is the time. She was looking for something in the toy box, she walked to Spencer and gave him a plastic ring. She just pointed at the ring and then at me. We looked at each other not knowing what to do. I was in PANIC. “Spencer, I think she wants us to get married. You don’t have to. Sorry, I can explain to her that...”.  

“Oh, don't worry, I can give you the ring. Give me your left hand" I held out my hand to him and when he touched me I feel a good feeling. His hand are so soft. Looking right into Mila's face who seemed very happy with our misfortune. "Right, we are married. I’m married to a queen. I have to go now but can we talk after this, my lady?" he said after kissing the ring on my hand. Damn, he obviously has a hold on me."Yes, we can, Prince Agent Reid". Then I give him a smirk and he left the room. I show Mila my hand, she was happy for the first time in days and I was thinking how lucky I would be if this fairytale were true.

1 Hi Mila, someone told me there was a princess around here.

2 Mila, he won't hurt you, he's really nice! You know, his name is Spencer and he's my prince. He is my knight who protects me from bad things and he protects princesses like you too. So he won't hurt you. OK?.

3 Mila, say “Bye Spencer”, he needs to go.

4 NO! He has to give you a gift. He's your prince, isn't he? You have to get married and live happily ever after.

[vickyvicarious]

ooooh, I love Patrick Hennessey's voice!

Renfield getting possessive over Dracula... or possibly just recognizing that the boxes being taken away means Dracula might leave too, and he wants to prevent that.

kfjsldf Renfield is so good at managing the staff here. politely gaslighting them to believe he's oblivious to his own actions then escaping

OHkay the dull thuds were quite awful when he's slamming the guy's head into the ground

"you know I'm no lightweight" between this and Seward knocking Renfield off with one punch I now find myself imagining them like. wrestling each other for fun or something at least once. (jack would have gotten very bisexual about it and then refused to look dr. hennessey in the face for days probably)

"'I'll frustrate them! They shan't rob me! they shan't murder me by inches! I'll fight for my Lord and Master!'" I love how rough his voice sounds here, so different from usual. Also the murder me by inches is such a vivid and bleak way to describe being deprived of the chance at supernatural life.

sorry for your finger, Hardy

YES, the first of the very thirsty men who are suddenly more relaxed when given a drink. it's so funny

but really, Hennessey managed that very well. his quick smoothing over and attention to detail could be really helpful if anyone decided to sue them or something over this.

the phonograph noises at the beginning of Jack's entry at first made me think they were at the end of Hennessey's report, and it would be very funny if Jack insisted on getting his report in phonograph form. That, or Hennessey just wanted to take the chance to see what all the fuss was about.

...and then Jack started speaking and all amusement was lost. God, he's wrecked.

the stop and scoff before "too miserable" GODDDD

"the flapping of the wings of the angel of death" yeah he's been flapping a lot the bastard

but really, the way Jack lists them off, so bitterly, damn it's horrible

is he drinking? or trying to keep from crying? I mean he's definitely doing that either way but

the shake on "we must not all break down"

van Helsing speaking SO GENTLY to Arthur, auuugh

"You shall lie on one, and I on the other, and our sympathy will be comfort to each other, even though we do not speak, and even if we sleep." this is so sweet, I can't believe I'd forgotten about it

"in this room, as in the other," of course, it makes sense not to keep Lucy in her own bedroom, where the windows are shattered and where her mother died... but I wonder where she is. Did I miss a line about it somewhere? A part of me imagines Mrs. Westenra's room, which would mean they both die in one another's beds. :(

NOT THE TEETH

"Her teeth, in the dim, uncertain light, seemed longer... and sharper than they had been in the morning. In particular - by some trick of the light, the canine teeth looked... longer... and sharper than the rest." he repeats 'longer and sharper' twice, and especially the second time sounds so... nearly fascinated. It reminds me of Jonathan describing Dracula.

"there came a sort of dull flapping or buffeting at the window" there he is, the flappy asshole. angel of death himself.

"It struck me as curious that the moment she became conscious she pressed the garlic flowers close to her. It was certainly odd that whenever she got into that lethargic state, with the stertorous breathing, she put the flowers from her; but that when she waked she clutched them close." SHE'S TRYING. GOD I WANNA CRY

van Helsing's fear and despair is so well conveyed. and when he spends several minutes staring at her and then sounds so calm - he is determined.

"I went to the dining-room and waked him." the way Jack says this line is just. brutal.

I CAN'T LISTEN TO ART BREAK DOWN THIS IS GONNA DESTROY ME

the saddest "my dear old fellow" in the world

brushing Lucy's hair... I love that this makes Jack cry, because it makes me cry too.

ffffuck her shaky greeting to Arthur.

so I was talking a little bit ago about how Jack seems to distance himself unconsciously and start referring to Lucy as a thing whenever she is in more vampiric mode, and I love to hear it reflected in his voice here too. He goes from being so choked up with emotion to sounding almost cold as he says "the mouth opened,"

and he sounds so disturbed when he calls her eyes "dull" and her voice "voluptuous"

oh no oh no that "oh my love " is SO DAMN SINISTER art don't do it don't do it. like damn, I can't even make a joke about van helsing playing chaperone I'm just thankful that he's there!

it's not like being a vampire is transferrable through saliva or anything anyway but. she sounded so scary there.

Jack's delivery about van Helsing pulling Arthur back from the kiss was so funny. He sounds so incredulous: "dragged him back with a fury of strength which I never thought he could have possessed," van Helsing may joke about him being bitchless but Jack was here thinking he was a frail old man so who's laughing now. (van Helsing. definitely still van Helsing.)

van Helsing's panting!

art, bless him, choosing not to get into a fight over his fiance's deathbed. (the way Jack's voice gets rough on "and the occasion" uggggh)

god, Lucy's voice makes me so sad. that final "and give me peace"......

"Their eyes met instead of their lips; and so they parted." THIS LINE.

nooooooo don't make me listen to Art cry fuck it's breaking me

the music while Jack is talking about there being peace for Lucy is so ominous!!! also I love the way he is so clearly trying so hard to stay composed and say something nice and look on the bright side if only a little... and then van Helsing has to be mysterious and ominous and ruin that for him too

van Helsing Barbie strikes again

"only some letters and a few memoranda, and a diary new begun." those last few words are so sad. She never got to do more than just begin her diary. She never got to even begin her new life before it was taken away from her.

"we both started at the beauty before us," Beautiful Corpse Jumpscare

"He had not loved her as I had, and there was no need for tears in his eyes." I get how you feel but that's pretty dang rude, Jack. He's told you that he loves her and wanted to save her. He already cried for her once.

kjdsfljksdf THE DELIVERY of "I want to cut off her head and take out her heart." and. no DUH he's shocked, vH! don't go acting like this is typical surgeon behavior/reaction. omg.

and then that sigh and 'kind' concession that 'all you have to do is help me cut off her head that's all'

I fucking love the delivery of "no good to her, to us, to science, to human knowledge"

"I may err—I am but man; but I believe in all I do." the way his voice almost wavers on the word 'believe'. Not out of doubt, but emotion.

"and she kiss my rough old hand and bless me?" the way he says this line... he was so affected by her trust in him and her final request. he feels honored and burdened both.

Jack being so emotional about the maid grieving for Lucy... and me sitting there knowing that she's in there to steal from Lucy. (or at least, she does even if it's not why she went in)

mr. marquand! you are a decent guy, thank you for trying to look out for Lucy's interests. anyone who tries to give her agency is good in my book. even if your rejoicing is in. rather poor taste. (Jack's laugh at that is great!)

Art bringing Jack in with him is so sweet, god, god, his crying.... THE WAY HE SAYS JACK'S NAME. THE WAY HE SAYS THERE'S NOTHING TO LIVE FOR

Jack's line about men only needing "a grip of the hand, the tightening of an arm over the shoulder, a sob in unison," was already ridiculous but the way says it like he's trying so hard to convince himself

I hit the bulletpoint character limit. Wow.

Anyways the delivery is so stiff-upper-lip-this-is-fine, it's great. especially as the further into the line he gets the more you can hear him trying not to sob as well.

THE SADDEST SMOOCH NOISES

the way Art reacts to being called 'Lord'. ""No, no, not that, for God's sake! not yet at any rate." he sounds so desperate, the POOR MAN

and the way he is taking deep breaths while talking to van Helsing. He is working so fucking hard to be kind and try and make things easier and get through this without lashing out at anyone. I love him so much.

and van Helsing immediately follows up with "I stole your dead girlfriend's letters, can I keep them?" I KNOW he feels bad about it and he feels it is necessary and everything but. damn okay.

NOT A LULLABY NOOOOOOOOOO

GOD THAT'S SO SAD. DO NOT COME INTO THE NIGHT DO NOT GO TO SLEEP MY DEAR :( :( oh how dare you with that line about eternal life/shine so bright" AND TAKE MY BITE NOOOOOOO

[thatgayoctopus]

guuuUUUYS I wrote a Smol Smol kinda angsty Dr. Two Brains and Wordgirl one shot where she asks him about removing Squeaky's brain and he says no!!! Because I don't think he would say yes even though I want him to!!! It has a good ending because I'm a sucker for soft things™

No warnings!

~•~ ~•~ ~•~ ~•~

"...what?"

Doctor Two brains seemed baffled by the question WordGirl randomly asked. They'd just finished a battle, standing and chatting atop a building while they waited for the police to arrive to take him to jail.

"I... I was just wondering, Y'know, with Dr. Tubing moving away soon that you'd consider getting... It removed."

She gave him an awkward smile, trying to alleviate the sudden uncomfortable weight in the air. He gaped at her for another moment, before sighing and shaking his head.

"No, kid. I'm sorry, but... No."

"wh- why not!? I know that that brain hurts you, and I know Steven hates having to commit crimes-!"

He winced as Squeaky sent a sharp throb of pain through his skull at the mention of Steven, and he held a hand up to silence her. He gently cupped his left hand over the small brain, realizing that this only proves Wordgirl's point further. He couldn't help but get a little frustrated, grumbling quietly.

"Wordgirl, I said no-!"

He snapped, accidentally shouting a little. She closed her mouth, the hurt and surprise visible on her face. Geez, sometimes he forgot that she really was just a kid.

"s- sorry, Wordgirl, I didn't mean to..."

He sighed, running his hands down his face as he struggled to put together the right words before continuing.

"Look Kiddo, I know how much you miss him. But the truth is, even if I get this removed, he won't be back."

He looked down at her, his face softening with sympathy. Her injured gaze followed his movements as he knelt down, attempting to hopefully help her feel a little more heard and safe. His words became a little gentler.

"I really only have hazy recollections of his memories, and I doubt they'd return. And frankly, Wordgirl, I don't want to go through all that again."

He shuddered at the memory of waking up in the lab, in pain and confused, nothing but two panicked voices in his own head to keep him company. The early days were harder to remember, since it was mostly Squeaky and Steven bossing each other around and haphazardly piloting their body through the city.

Wordgirl frowned, fiddling with the top of one of her gloves.

"go through... What again..?"

He looked down, one elbow on his knee as he slumped over slightly. He looked tired.

"Not knowing who I am, Wordgirl. I've only recently been Dr. Two Brains, and I'm still figuring out who that is! I just... I don't think I could handle another big change like that again, Y'know...?"

He tilted his head, searching for her gaze, but she avoided eye contact. It was a lot to take in for a little girl like her. He frowned, feeling a little guilty.

"wordgirl... I hope you know this doesn't mean we're not friends. I know it gets... Weird, sometimes, what with all the impulsive crime sprees and cheese obsessions, but kid... You can always come to me for help, alright...? Well, almost always, there's still rules against some things."

He chuckled, scratching his neck nervously as he remembered the "anti-conspiratory" rules in the Villian rulebook.

"we can't go to a museum together, pretty sure that's one..."

He mumbled, getting lost in thought. She was finally looking up at him, lip trembling as if she were about to cry.

"aw, kid, don't cry...!"

He opened his arms reflexively, offering her a hug. She ran into his arms so fast she knocked the wind out of him, her super strength nearly crushing him. With the way she could lift one of Tobey's giant robots like it was nothing, he knew she couldn't help it. He managed to wheeze out a simple sentence, patting her back awkwardly.

"k- kid, don't kill me--"

"oh! Sorry, heh--!"

She let go of him, stepping back and holding her hands behind her back apologetically.

He pressed a hand against his chest, catching his breath and giving a weak chuckle.

"no, no, it's alright. Asking a superhero for a hug, I should'a known better."

All in all, the interaction probably could've gone way worse. The sweet moment ended when his sensitive rodent ears picked up the sound of a roof access door opening around a small concrete wall, and he looked over. The two police officers rounded the corner and gave wordgirl a polite wave, the red haired woman speaking up.

"Heya Wordgirl! Great job stopping Doc again! We heard about the whole thing. Oh, uh, you too Two Brains I guess."

She offered him an unsure shrug and he rolled his eyes, standing and holding his hands behind his back so they could cuff him.

"Gee, thanks officers..."

He mumbled. Wordgirl, however, couldn't be happier with the praise, grinning and giving a playful curtsy with the corners of her cape.

"oh, it's nothing really, heh! See you later, Dr. Two Brains."

She gave him a final wave paired with a bittersweet smile, and he nodded appreciatively.

"till we meet again, Wordgirl!"

With that, the little hero zoomed off.

[sequenceshift-blog]

SequenceShift Starlo

It's been a while since I've put out anything for SequenceShift. So, I decided to start rambling about my depictions of Undertale Yellow characters in my AU. I decided to go with Starlo, mainly due to @profounddefendorcrusade-blog and their posts about him.

So, what's the deal with Starlo in SequenceShift?

Sorry for a lack of pictures btw.

Well, like UTY Starlo, he was childhood friends with Ceroba and the Sheriff of the Wild East. For a time, he was pretty much almost entirely identical to how he is in vanilla UTY.

Until the massacre of the Wild East.

Basically, a Renegade human (NOT one of the six souls) made their way underground, falling into the Barrens, and started laying waste to the Wild East. Almost half of its inhabitants were killed and Starlo was just barely able to take down the invader.

This basically mentally broke him. He had believed in Western culture without any of its actual drawbacks, only to have to come to terms with the harsh realities of lawbringing. Now many of his friends were gone and the community he worked so hard to build was shattered. However, he eventually started to take this as a learning experience into becoming an actually responsible and competent lawbringer. He swore himself into Ceroba's service, trained to become a deadly combatant, and was eventually made Chief of the newly formed Royal Rangers. Rather than just pretending to be badass, he genuinely became badass with the goal of making sure nothing like the Wild East Massacre happens ever again.

Unfortunately, this came with its own flaws.

He and the Feisty Four started to grow distant from one another, despite them being core members of the Rangers. This was a mix of trauma and their new jobs. Eventually they started seeing each other less as friends and more as coworkers, with only Moray and Mooch truly sticking together. This didn't really help Starlo, who devoted himself even more to Ceroba.

At his core, he's still the same kind-hearted, dorky farmboy who's looking out for his friends and community, which ties into his main motivation. He wants to make Ceroba, his best friend, happy again. However, he is willing to go to drastic measures to accomplish that, even if he knows it's wrong.

On a Pacifist/Light Neutral run, he still shows off that cowboy persona of his. He still wears his poncho and sheriff's badge over his Ranger uniform and holds a lot of the same demeanor, even if it's not as prominent. It's used as a coping mechanism (with him still yearning for that escapist Western fantasy he was living out) and to help cheer up those around him. He keeps up this persona, hoping to be able to willingly bring Clover to Ceroba. He only drops it at the end of the Barrens, where he (reluctantly) attacks Clover after they show that they aren't going to just go with him.

However, cracks start to show in his persona the more monsters Clover kills. He starts simply being passive aggressive, but the more ruthless a neutral run is, the more hostile he becomes, showing more of that darker anti-hero side. Should go without saying, but it becomes especially apparent if Clover kills any of the Feisty Four. This reaches its lowest point in the Vengeance/No Mercy route, where straight up ditches the poncho and badge, instead wearing his Ranger uniform on full display, showing that he's fully embraced his role as a ruthless lawbringer.

However, on a Pacifist run, he can be convinced to see the error of his ways. His version of Undyne's Friendship interactions has Clover and Dina bringing the Feisty Five back together, which definitely improves Starlo's morale and mental state. This eventually leads him to take a stand against Ceroba, not because he's disillusioned with her. Rather it's because he still cares for her as a friend (no matter how much wrong she's done) and knows that by continuing to collect human souls for Project Integrity, she's only digging herself into a bigger hole.

Tl;dr: Starlo in SequenceShift has the same cowboy persona, but hides a more ruthless antihero side beneath that. However, even that's a mask for the same kind-hearted, dorky farmer who just wants to make his best friend happy.

Thanks for indulging in my ramblings. It's good to be talking about my AU again. If you wanna hear more about any of the other characters (or if I missed something about Starlo), feel free to hit me up!

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna

Usual warning. This is not a review. It's just me needing to put what I'm feeling somewhere. I just finished watching so there's absolutely no critical thinking happening here.

TL;DR: WATCH THIS SHOW!!!

Well I finally finished all of Tsukutabe and to say my heart is full feels small somehow. My heart grew. I remember when I finished the second season of Kinou Nani Tabeta, I was so overwhelmed with emotions and honestly I was not expecting to be in that place again. I called it magic and I have to echo those same feelings here. Because this show it's magic. It's a gift that makes me feel thankful that I got to experience it. I really have a hard time writing about this because I'm feeling so many things so I'll try to split it in smaller bits so maybe it sounds a bit more coherent. No promises though.

Kasuga I have to start here because she's my favourite, in case it wasn't obvious by my choice of pfp. She's so cute. I fell in love with her almost immediately. I've talked about this before but to see a character eat the way she does on screen healed something in me. The way she looks at Nomoto made me melt multiple times and her smile completely shatters this cold heart of mine. The episodes around her family had me bawling [normally I would wish for her father to be run over or something, but that would only add misery to Kasuga's mother, so I just hope he dies first] but seeing her put herself first and release herself from those expectations was amazing. Her journey was incredible and it was great that she was able to open up to Nagumo and Nomoto. I have to congratulate Nishino Emi for her portrayal of Kasuga. Considering she's not an actor (she's a musician btw) and this is her only acting credit, I thought the way she embodied Kasuga was really good.

Nomoto I adore her. Her happiness was infectious and she made me smile so wide. Cooking for your loved ones is just such the most beautiful thing to me and she and Shiro are the standard and everyone else can take notes. She's more open than Kasuga so we have more of an insight to her and to watch her awakening was amazing. It reminded me a bit Sakuko [Koisenu Futari] in the beginning. Her facial expressions always gave her away and it was such a contrast to Kasuga's reserved demeanor.

THEM The Yin and Yang. They are so different on the surface but the way they come together and create a space for each other is just so beautiful to see. They are learning from each other through these two seasons and growing together and navigating the realities of their relationship and what it all means and how it makes them feel. I just love the happiness in Nomoto's eyes whenever Saguka is eating her food and the happiness and little smiles in Kasuga's face whenever Nomoto got really excited by a vegetable or a finished dish. They are perfect and will live happily ever after. Period.

Nagumo This girl has my whole heart. I said this before in the notes but every time she was on my screen I just wanted to give her a hug. She's fragile but resilient and although she was a bit shy at first, the way she shared her story with Kasuga and quickly became the person she went to for advice was so good. And to see her getting help, finding relief in a word and hope in the future made me cry so much. And when she took that bite it made my heart grow that very second. And just as a aside, the fact that the show chose to have her eat while the others didn't notice and after they did, they still didn't make it a big deal made me ugly cry. Because that's the magic part. That when I feel that a show knows what it's doing with its characters. And the moment at the end in the job thing when she said she wanted to do something that allowed to talk to people had me clapping like a proud mama.

Chiharu I love her. I love that Nomoto had someone by her side from the beginning that she could confide in and that was supportive. And that when she "messed up", like with the wedding talk, she was given space to reflect and understand and give her friend the space she needed to talk about it. Cause it's okay to not be all woke - god, I hate this word - all the time. As long as people are ready to listen to each other and learn from one another. Also always happy for the screw marriage discourse.

Yako The ace rep had me clapping at first of course. It's so rare anywhere in media so it always adds points no matter what. So obviously... I love her. She's such an amazing supporter. She's so kind and open. Her relationship with Nomoto was wonderful but she and Naguma gave me some of my favourite moments ever. Because being supportive sometimes is just being present, is asking questions, is just listening to understand and not judge. And to want those around you to grow. That moment where she realized what the move meant for Nagumo and asked her to go for a walk was so good.

THESE WOMEN. I love these women. All of them. How they come together for each other, and the kindness and understanding made me ugly cry on more than one occasion.

The Food This show really speaks to me in several ways and I know I spoke of this before but I keep coming back to food.

You eat too much or you don't eat enough. Or you don't eat it the right way. Or eat the right things. Food is just sustenance for some. Food is joy to others. Food is what makes some of us get up in the morning. Food is to eat alone or together. It means a lot of different things to different people. It's food. You eat yours and I eat mine. Can we just not pay so much attention to this? Now that I got that out. Japanese shows are the best at using food in their stories. And more often that not, it's a place of joy and healing. And the fact that this series showed that food can also be a source of trauma and something that makes you different, as well as a place where you can heal is so important to me. Because I can relate to both those things. The dining table has been a place where I felt wrong different but also a place where I found so much joy.

The Magic Much like Kinou Nani Tabeta this show is full of magic. It was made by people that needed to make it, to talk about things that mattered, from a place of empathy and love. I feel like I was meant to watch this show. The universe conspired to put it in front of me. I understand this sounds super corny, and honestly if anyone else said this words to me I would be rolling my eyes way back into my skull, so I get it. But it feels cosmic somehow. Also fun fact that helps the magic of it all. One of the characters and I share a last name. Me, little portuguese me, and a japanese character from this show. Can you imagine the odds? And no, I have no connection to Japan whatsoever, and my last name isn't even a very common one in either country. So really it has to be magic, right? Also, I have a small confession. GL's were never my favourite. I'm enjoying 23.5 a lot for example but I'm never in a rush to watch them. I have a bias against them that I never really examined, except that I find that I'm much more critical of them so I enjoyed them less. But this show, these women, just moved the needle a bit. There are important conversations here, not just from a queer standpoint but from a female perspective that really resonated with me, so I might need to readjust some things. Anyway, I have a lot of feelings but this is already long. I'll be thinking about this show a lot more, and there will be giffing for sure so I won't leave these characters any time soon. Also, did I mention?, I LOVE Kasuga. SHE IS EVERYTHING TO ME and one of my favourite characters of all time.

I already talked about the kindness in this show but I need to say it again. It's all about the kindness. These women. They are all so open and kind and because of that they are all better people and happier people. Maybe we can learn from them. If only we could be a little more kind to each other.

If you've made it to the end, thanks for reading💜. [A huge thanks to @furritsubs for giving us the opportunity to enjoy this masterpiece.]

[professional-termite]

What Star Trek headcannons do you have?

*cracks knuckles* tng headcanons infodumping time (i havent finished tng yet but i have projected very very hard onto several characters and also made everyone on this ship bisexual bc i can)

picard:

worlds grumpiest polyam gray aroace bi man

i think if he had a grape fanta he would simply Die. not in a good way. actually any soda i think i could kill this guy with a baja blast

hes absolutely not dating riker but like half the ship thinks he is. also theyve screwed like twice but platonically dw abt it

hes dating both dr crusher and q. because i say so

riker:

TRANS MAN RIKER SUPREMACY!!! RIKER IS SO TRANS BC I SAY SO ‼️‼️

hes polyam and also arospec. i think hed like the label aroallo but gray aromantic allo bisexual is more accurate

hes dating like Everyone. data, troi, dr crusher, worf, geordi. my mans is absolutely rolling in romantic/sexual partners

he takes time to take every single one of them on dates catered to them and is absurdly romantic whenever he gets the chance. think rose petals and chocolate and violins

he doesnt ENCOURAGE rumours that he and the captain are dating but he doesnt DISCOURAGE them either

geordi:

pathetic little bisexual man. puts him in the oven

hes dating riker (everyone is dating riker lmao) and in a borderline romantic qpr with data (he calls data his boyfriend but also likes to clarify its not quite Dating since data is aroace)

data and geordi have sherlock holmes rp date nights. this one isnt even a hc actually pretty sure they literally do this in canon

worf:

aroallo bi worf is real and true i would know i was the enterprise

he acts like he hates rikers stupid romantic bs whenever he takes worf on dates (usually they end up just going to a holodeck and duking it out homoerotically afterwards anyways) but then he lays awake at night thinking about riker like 😳

i think he likes drawing skulls. i have exactly 0 canon to back this up but i think he would enjoy drawing skulls

data (can you tell hes my favourite lmao):

spends literal hours researching romantic/sexual relationships so he can be a good partner to geordi and riker even tho he considers himself aroace. usually comes up with something stupidly cheesy (even worse than riker) for dates and they both absolutely adore him for it

polyam aroace bi, and also he/him agender. because i said so

data likes to bonk his head on his partners as a show of affection. its like a kiss on the cheek/forehead except youre getting BONKED by an android

one of my moots (data la forge maybe?) said something about data purring and like thats actually canon as stated before i would know i was the enterprise

also he likes to lay his head on geordis lap. because I Said So

he is included in Girls Nights. he and keiko and troi and dr crusher all get together and he listens to their gossip while they paint his nails and do his makeup

troi:

troi tops. 100%

shes in a relationship both dr crusher and riker, and also had a thing going with tasha yar before she died

i think she considers herself poly bi with a preference for men, but she usually ends up in lasting relationships with women

i feel like she and riker are more of a qpr/fwb situation rather than a romantic one. theyre besties who are also soulbound and also love each other and also fuck nasty sometimes

dr crusher:

pansexual. did you see the way she literally did not care about gender when her parasite lover became a woman?? this is a pansexual

she likes helping data get ready for dates n stuff. they hang out in her quarters and she does his hair and picks out outfits and gives him advice

wesley:

him and his gf from that one episode (robin i think her name was??) are t4t. i base this on my Divine Intuition

summons a large eagle to carry him off into the night

q:

i want to call this man every slur i know. horrid creature. kisses him on the forehead

has no connection to gender identity or sexuality. hes probably aspec but identifies only as queer bc Q

he and picard have fucked nasty at least once. theres no way they havent

[baby-alien11]

Being Miles Quaritch daughter

Due to being only you to against the world, the both of you traveled to Pandora, with you only being a child

At first, it wasn't easy because of the hostality of the planet, causing Miles a group of nasty scars thanks to a palulukan, and you having a medium scar in your leg due to a fall in the woods

But within the years, it all got better for both of you

While Miles ascended until he became head of security, you often spend your time with him or with the scientists when he was in a mission

Thanks to you still being a child, his squad usually take care of you, becoming like uncles to you

Lyle was more the big brother type, the one you could play with and get into little trouble

"Lyle, why are you holding my child upside down", Miles asked watching as Lyle in his AMP suit hold you upside down by one of your legs

"She wanted to play", Lyle excused himself without letting you go

"Hi dad", you laughed

"Put my kid down carefully", Miles order

Z-dog was the cool aunt who often give you candys, especially bubblegum

When Mansk was the one taking care of you, he would share his collection of glasses with you, which were a lot bigger in your little face

And then, Paz Socorro entered your life

You knew who she was because she was one member of your father's flying team, and she was nice to you, often helping you to do your hairstyles

But when you were ten, you went to your fathers room in the middle of the night because of a nightmare, and knowing he didn't left his door locked, you entered watching an image that your inocent eyes weren't meant to see

Your father and Paz sleeping in his bed, and both of his clothes gattered in the floor

Inmediately, you closed the door returning to your room in front of his, covering you completely with your sheets

The next morning, Miles noticed your attitude change around him and how you would spend more time in the scientist bay

But during lunch, he lift you to carry you to his gym and asked what was happening, and finnaly you tell'd him what you saw

After apologizing for exposing you to that scene, he explained that he and Paz were in a strange relationship

But you didn't mind because she was nice to you

And before you know it, she announced that she was pregnant

After hearing that, Miles just stood there with an incomprehensible look, while you just smiled and run to hug her

During the months of pregnancy, you spend more time with Paz to help and take care of her, also promising to love your sibling to born

But when Jake Sully arrived at Pandora, everything went down

Fortunalety, little Miles born before everything exploded

Unfortunately, all of your founded family had to go to the war

"Dad, please", you cried holding his hand trying to stop him to go, "Don't go, please"

"I have to go, kiddo", Miles sighed realising himself from you, "It's my job"

"But the blue people haven't done anything", you argued, "They are good"

"Stop it!", Miles yelled causing you to flinch, "Now go back to your room and take care of your brother"

Watching as you nodded with your head, Miles left the place leaving you with tears in your eyes

What felt like an eternity, ended when someone open the door to your bedroom where you were taking care of little Miles, revealing to be Dr Max Patel, one of the scientist that worked in the avatar program

When you knew everything that happened during the battle, you started crying without letting go of your brother in your arms, you lost your father, your mother figure and uncles in one day

Due to the fact that Miles was still a baby, he couldn't go back to earth in the crio cams during the travel, so you decided to stay in Pandora with

You couldn't leave the only family that was left

[spif-lol]

I am one of the many Doctor Who fans who has been hoping to see Susan back in the show, and gets excited every time there is any mention of her (like in Rings of Akhaten, The Pilot and the latest season). What The Legend of Ruby Sunday has finally made me realise however, is that it's not Susan herself that I'm obsessed with - but the idea of her. I love Carole Ann Ford and Susan has lots of moments in those early episodes that I adore - particularly in her first episodes and in the Sensorites - but mostly her character falls a little flat for me. The writing is too messy (as is it's right) and she often gets infantalised to a ridiculous degree, becoming the original dr who companion damsel in distress, spraining her ankle or given some other narrative reason for the group to separate for the plot to work. I love it when she gets moments to shine, and her weird alien teenage girl moments (she is so weird it's awesome), but more than that I realise that I am just obsessed with how the Doctor interacts with her and what she means to him.

Susan is a necessary character to humanize the First Doctor, a person who is otherwise pretty callous and unconcerned with anything except scientific discovery and his own safety and comfort (at least at first). The Doctor would never have even been on Earth and been discovered by humans if not for Susan's interest in the Earth and convincing him to let her attend school in London. Susan is the source of the Doctor's childlike wonder at the universe. When the Eleventh Doctor talks about needing another person with him to be able to See the beauty of it, I think of Susan. Because that is what she is to him! And more than that! The Doctor is tired and world weary in those early episodes, mentioning him and Susan being unable to go to their home planet, and while episodes since especially New Who have offered many other reasons for better or worse that the Doctor left Gallifrey and became a renegade, it's pretty clear that a major reason for it is simply Susan. I can see the First Doctor being able to put up with a lot of Time Lord empire bullshit for his own sake, but for Susan? Who, biological granddaughter or not, he cares for and wants to protect and provide joy for? He leaves Gallifrey for her. And shows her the wonders of the universe. And discovers that joy for himself, and meets people who help him change into a kinder and more just person, the Doctor we recognise who vows to respond to anything wrong in the universe and be there to help.

The only problem is, it quickly becomes obvious that in spite of Susan's childlike wonder, she doesn't enjoy travelling aimlessly without a place to call home besides the TARDIS. She loves the TARDIS and even named it! But that's not enough for her. She says that she wants to belong somewhere, and she is attached to the Earth. And the Doctor knows this, and it hurts him. He never imagined that it would be Susan of all people who would want to leave him first, even before Barbara and Ian get to go home. So when Susan finds love among the resistance fighters during the Dalek Invasion of Earth, he makes the incredibly presumptuous decision that Susan has to leave the TARDIS and stay with this man she's just met. He literally locks her out of the ship and gives her his famous goodbye speech over the monitor. He promises to come back to her, one day, and tries to ease her worries about him. He clearly cares for her but knows that she would never leave him for her own sake. So he makes the decision for her, and flies away without his granddaughter.

And Susan has haunted him ever since. In the First Doctor's era it is repeatedly explicit that he sees his granddaughter in the young girls who he ends up taking on the TARDIS with him. One must wonder whether Susan was in a similar situation to Vicki when he decided to take her with him, stranded and parentless and in danger. Dodo isn't in a situation that needs rescuing from, but simply wanders onto the TARDIS, and the Doctor marvels at her likeness to Susan. He dotes on these companions the way he did Susan, and after the Massacre of St Bartholomew's Eve when his latest companion has seemingly left him for good he muses to himself in the TARDIS about how everyone leaves him and no one understands him 'not even Little Susan or Vicki' - lumping his surrogate granddaughter in with the real one while listing the rest of the companions separately (because he never expected those other humans to understand him).

The 2nd Doctors era is when it starts to get really interesting (to me), as the Doctor regenerates and reinvents himself as softer and sillier from the start. He has distanced himself from the First Doctor's callousness with two new companions who fill a similar role to Ian and Barbara, with the latest Susan (Dodo) having left when they joined. For the First Doctor it would've been time to take in another surrogate granddaughter, but instead we get Brand New Companion Archetype Jamie McCrimmon - a historical companion who learns about the world from the Doctor and fights to protect him and quickly becomes the Doctor's best friend. The Second Doctor's TARDIS teams are oddly domestic, with a lot of emphasis on what it's like living on the TARDIS, sleeping, eating, Jamie and the Doctor bickering like an old married couple, all in a very different tone to the eeriness of the earlier TARDIS teams who almost always got accidentally kidnapped on the TARDIS and see it as a place to transport them back to their own time. Jamie is the first companion that has no intention to leave the Doctor, and is seemingly content with the wandering life he leads. Then they meet another teenage girl, whose father invented time travel, accidentally summoned Daleks and got murdered and left her stranded on Skaro, with the only option for safety being going with the Doctor and Jamie. Poor Victoria. She does love the Doctor and works quite well as a companion. They go to great lengths to look after her, protect her, keep her comfortable. But like the original Susan, she gets tired and scared and wants to belong somewhere. When a family offers to take her in Jamie argues with her that she belongs with them but the Doctor tells her that it is Her decision and hers alone, already accepting that she is going to leave him. And she does. Not long after they meet Zoe, who I have lately come to think of as The Ultimate Susan. She is a child genius, who the Doctor is very paternal and protective of, but who is as smart as him and often able to do things he can't (similar to Susan). She's brave and a thrill seeker and knows martial arts and can match the Doctor in wits and she finds the same joy in dangerous mysterious creatures and planets as the Doctor does (much to Jamie's chagrin, as they egg each other on). With her and Jamie he finally has not just temporary travelling companions, but family, people who want to stay.

And they would've stayed forever. Except the Doctor reached a point where he couldn't escape the Time Lord's anymore, and Jamie and Zoe got caught up in the consequences of his defiance of their ways. If you haven't watched the War Games I am begging you please watch it it is the best Doctor Who finale of all time and it is also heartbreaking. About halfway through the Doctor realises what is coming and spends the rest of the story trying to soften the blow. Trying to convince Jamie and Zoe to leave him, to stay behind. But they don't understand, they're treating it as if it is any normal adventure and they can make a quick escape. They get taken with him to Gallifrey, and do everything they can to get to stay with the Doctor, but the Time Lords send them home. Once they have bid the Doctor farewell, the Time Lords reveal that they are removing Jamie and Zoe's memories of everything but their first meeting with him. It is devastating. Even if the Doctor could somehow find his way back to them things would never be the same. In any case the Doctor is exiled to Earth and his own memory robbed of how to fly the TARDIS.

After this the Susan analogues stop, though there are companions who resemble one facet of her or another. He has a protective, almost paternal relationship with Jo Grant. He travels with another Gallifreyan who is as smart as him but less experience in Romana. As the Fifth Doctor he suddenly becomes Team Dad to three young people who've lost parents and family and planets, but he is detached from them in a way that One and Two never were. He is very professional with them, not really equipped to be family to them. And in a lot of ways he fails them - Adric dies, Nyssa gets sick and stays behind to fix a broken medical system, Tegan is traumatised by all the death and violence and loss. It's interesting to me that it is in the Fifth Doctor's era that we have the only onscreen reunion with Susan, in the anniversary special The Five Doctors. He is clearly very happy to see her, but again there's that distance. She follows him devotedly until she sprains her ankle (which is still hilarious and such a terrible thing to do to that character again). She gets to stay behind safe in the TARDIS with Turlough of all people until the denouement and then she has to say goodbye and go back to her own time. There's a lot going on in that episode - including Two being taunted by spectres of Jamie and Zoe :( - so I can't blame them for not doing a proper reunion between the Doctor and Susan, but it does feel like a missed opportunity. For a brief moment in that episode grandfather and granddaughter are reunited and everything is right with the universe.

The Doctor's relationships with companions get more complicated from there on out. He strangles Peri in a crazed post regenerative state - another young girl with family problems he accidentally takes along with him. He has a very lighthearted relationship with Mel, who leaves him to travel with an amoral smuggle piloting a grocery store which is also a ship which is also a planet in space. Very cool. There is Ace, who is the closest the Classic Doctors has to a paternal relationship since Zoe or maybe Leela, but him and Ace have something way more tense going on. She's a chess piece in an ancient struggle between the Doctor and another powerful being have going on. He takes her to places that evoke her worst memories to try to - test her? Strengthen her? Learn more about her? Anyway, they have more of a student teacher thing going on, than granddaughter grandfather.

Most of the stuff we know about Susan's life after leaving the First Doctor is noncanonical to extracanonical at best. She has kids with the man the Doctor left her with. She (maybe) outlives them. She gets kidnapped by the Roger Delgado Master and turns his own weapons on him, burning him to a crisp just in time for his meeting with the Fourth Doctor in The Deadly Assassin. She has a very sweet reunion scene with the Eighth Doctor in an audio I don't remember and need to listen to more of. She gets recalled to Gallifrey and fights in the Time War. Susan is just the name she picked, her birth name was Arkytior (which translates to Rose). She (supposedly) dies or is lost in the Time War when the Doctor is forced to obliterate his own people to stop them and the Daleks from tearing apart the universe in their battle for power across time.

Susan haunts New Who a little bit, much in the same way the other Time Lord companions do. The Doctor is the Last of the Time Lords, the Lonely God. What happened to Romana, Susan, the Rani, the Monk, any of them? The Master manages to escape unscathed to return and menace the Doctor, surprising no one. The Doctor mentions to companions in his most vulnerable moments that he's been a father before, that he didn't just lose his people but his own family to the Time War. When a daughter is made from his DNA in the aptly named The Doctor's Daughter, he is horrified by her, a Time Lord who has never been to Gallifrey, doesn't know the history or the weight of any of it - in stark contrast to Susan, who is the source of description of Gallifrey and the reason New Who depicts it with a sky burnt orange. When the Time Lords appear in the End of Time a mysterious older woman appears to Wilf as a guardian of sorts for the Doctor - we never find out who she was meant to be but perhaps she was someone close to the Doctor, his mother, Romana, even Susan?

There are only three explicit references to Susan in New Who before Ncuti's era, and all of them are very surface level. Eleven references visiting an alien bazaar with his granddaughter 'a long time ago', we get a glimpse of her on Gallifrey in the Doctor's timestream as Clara witnesses them about to steal a TARDIS, and Twelve has a picture of Susan on his desk next to one of River, and gives it a meaningful glance when Bill asks him why he singled her out of his university class. This implies that Bill reminds him of Susan, wide-eyed and inquisitive, and she does fill a Susan role in a lot of ways, but she is more like an Ace than anything, embodying that complex mixture of student and best friend like she did. They have a bit of fun that season with the Susan parallels, with Bill introducing the Doctor to her housemates as her grandfather to avoid awkward questions, the Doctor going back in time to get pictures of Bill's mum for her, plus there's the whole meta plot of the Doctor living on Earth and spending time in a school the way Susan wanted to all those years ago. Bill becomes like family to him, and even meets the First Doctor (as a memory) in Twelve's final outing. She represents the wonder at the universe and kindness and curiosity that keeps the Doctor going. Thirteen channels that energy into her attempt at a fresh start and a new family in her era, whilst being simultaneously detached and repressed from everything. I know a lot of people expected the Solitract to turn into Susan in It Takes You Away (I am personally partial to the frog), and multiple grandparent grandchildren relationships are very relevant in her era (Graham and Ryan, Yaz and her nani). Lots of emotional growth for the people around her, but she's very cut off from any of it, until the Timeless Children has her rethink her own history and reveals a new family member from her past who we eventually meet in Flux! She ends her era surrounded by companions who have pondered their own history with her, and made a lot of peace with it. Then the Fourteenth Doctor revisits a companion from his past and meets her daughter!! Who is also part time lord, and full of that same wonder and cleverness and he immediately becomes protective and paternal towards her, even dubbing her his niece and implied to go on trips in the TARDIS offscreen with her. She is our first ever companion legacy character (alongside Kate, who almost counts but not quite though the Doctor does also have a nice relationship with her), and the Doctor settles down and treats her and Donna's family as his own. I want to see more of her! I wish the Doctor would travel with her onscreen! She's the closest to a Susan we have in New Who and I love her dearly.

And now the new season is talking about Susan, and the Doctor's family, more than ever before. The Doctor travels to the 1960s and talks about how his granddaughter is somewhere out there, multiple episodes lend relevance to parenthood and family, and (spoilers) the latest episode treats it as a major plot point that the Doctor thinks the Mysterious Entity/Villain of the week UNIT is investigating is in fact his granddaughter Susan (for some reason). The search for his companion's mum is contrasted with the potential return of the Doctor's granddaughter, and it briefly mentions the fact the Doctor abandoned her back in the day, vowed to return to her, and in fact never did. Almost none of his companions even KNOW he ever had children, let alone a granddaughter. It feels like we are being set up for a Susan return, and I am loving the fact that she is being explicitly discussed now that the Doctor is capable in being vulnerable in a way that he has never been since the earliest of Classic Who.

All of this to say that I will be happy to see Susan again if she returns, but I will always be enamored with her as a character and how essential she is to who the Doctor is forever. His ties to Earth, his sense of justice, his ability to see the wonder of the universe - it all comes back to her.

[pjsk-story-summaries]

MORE! MORE! JUMP! Main Story Summary

TL;DR: One fateful day, Hanasato Minori, a girl who dreams of becoming an idol, meets the troubled former idols Kiritani Haruka, Momoi Airi, and Hinomori Shizuku on the rooftop. Upon her insistence, they eventually agree to help coach Minori so she can finally pass an audition.

After a show by Miku and Rin, Airi begins to doubt her decision to quit idol work. She talks to Shizuku about how she truly does want to be an idol who brings hope, but her former agencies forced her to be a TV personality instead. In the process, she ends up yelling at Shizuku out of frustration, believing she has it easy because of her looks and natural idol aura, scaring her her off. Airi goes to Minori to tell her the truth of the idol industry, but Minori isn't detered. This determination re-ignites Airi's dream and declares herself to be Minori's new training partner.

However, Airi's words, combined with the bullying she faces from her current idol group, cause Shizuku to quit idol work all together. Airi rushes to Cheerful*Days rehearsal center, followed by the other three. There, she apologizes for the words she had said and recognizes Shizuku's hard work and kindness. Touched by Airi's words, Shizuku gives her former group one last goodbye.

Afterwards, Shizuku decides to become an idol once again. She asks if Haruka wants to join them too, but she refuses, believing herself unfit to be an idol. The next day, Airi, Shizuku, and Minori run into Mai, a former ASRUN member who injured her voice overworking herself and blamed Haruka for it. They help her apologize to Haruka, who in turn apologizes for pushing Mai too hard. However, after Mai leaves, it is revealed that because of the incident, Haruka developed crippling stage fright and lost the ability to perform.

After watching another show by Miku and Rin, Minori decides to put on a show for Haruka so she can see the blue pen lights one last time. With Airi and Shizuku's help, the performance reminds Haruka of her true feelings about being an idol. The four of them band together into a new idol group: MORE! MORE! JUMP!

Official English Youtube upload / Song (New Edgy Idols) / Animation

Chapter 0: Minori recalls a childhood memory of her skipping school with a false stomach bug, guilt-ridden over her poor luck messing things up. She questioned giving up everything, when suddenly, Haruka's ASRUN stream came on TV. Minori instantly became enamored with her, and through Haruka's message of hope, decided to keep trying with her all. In the present day, Minori struggles with learning a dance routine but persists over the thought of Haruka. Suddenly, her phone flashes, sending her to a strange place. Miku and Rin approach and explain the purpose of SEKAI, excited that Minori harbors such strong feelings but worry about the fading dreams of "the other three". A confused Minori is forced out of the SEKAI, convinced it was all a fun dream. Meanwhile, Haruka has decided to quit being an idol.

Chapter 1: Minori receives her fiftieth rejection from an idol agency. Still, she has hope that one day she'll reach her dream. A fellow classmate comes over and reveals Haruka's retirement, much to Minori's horror. While she's moping, Haruka passes by her classroom. Minori is still saddened over the retirement, but resolves to support her decision and thank her by becoming an idol herself. After school, Haruka heads to the rooftop to avoid the chatter about her, only to run into Minori practicing dance routine.

Chapter 2: Haruka apologizes for the interruption and introduces herself. Minori panics and reveals her dream of being an idol like Haruka. Their conversation is breifly interrupted by the sound of Airi confronting Shizuku about the rumor of her transferring out of Cheerful*Days. Haruka decides to step in and call Airi out for her hostility.

Chapter 3: Haruka mentions Minori's dream of becoming an idol to the others. Airi doubts her potential, stating that things don't just happen because you want them to. Shizuku asks Airi to stop, but Airi's comments hadn't deterred Minori; she still has faith tomorrow will be better, quoting Haruka's speech. Suddenly, Miku pops out of Minori's phone, asks the girls to visit, and leaves. Minori decides to ask the three former idols if they could help her practice.

Chapter 4: Shizuku agrees to help Minori, followed by a reluctant Airi. Haruka doesn't answer. Minori and Haruka walk home together, where Minori explains the reason she wants to be an idol in the first place is because of Haruka. Haruka is mildly bothered, but doesn't say anything. The next day, Shizuku and Airi join Minori on the rooftop. Haruka reads a book nearby. Airi ends up coaching Minori on interviews instead. Later that evening, Shizuku and Airi walk home together. Airi tries bringing up their prior conversation, but chickens out.

Chapter 5: Shizuku finishes a modeling gig before heading to a Cheerful*Days practice. After that rehearsal, she ends up overhearing the other members gossip about her being the "favorite" once again. The next day, Minori finally passes Airi's introduction training. She feels nervous about not being as naturally pretty as the other girls, but Shizuku reassures her that having heart is what truly matters. Airi recognizes those words, but doesn't react. Minori mentions potentially injuring her ankle at the end of practice, to which Haruka quickly tends to. Suddenly, Miku appears once more and asks if they'd all like to come watch a show to cheer up, having sensed strong anxious feelings.

Chapter 6: Minori, Haruka, Airi, and Shizuku meet Miku and Rin within SEKAI for the first time. The Virtual Singers briefly explain the premise of SEKAI before starting their show. Minori greatly enjoys it, while Airi realizes this is the show she had always wanted to do but never could. Suddenly, the audience's pen lights turn blue. Haruka reminisces on the beauty of it at her former shows, but is saddened by the fact she'll never see it again. After the show, Minori asks why the glowsticks were blue and not either of the performers colors, while Haruka asks to leave.

Chapter 7: Minori is troubled by the sad faces of the former idols, even though they seemed to have been having so much fun before. Miku reassures her that the SEKAI will always be there for her and sends her off. Later, Haruka remembers a girl expressing her frustration over a wasted dream and declares herself to have never been fit to be an idol. The next day, Shizuku and Airi discuss the show, prompting Shizuku to ask if Airi still wants to be an idol. Airi implies she does, but feels that it's impossible. Through a flashback, it is revealed that as an idol, Airi ended up being asked to do TV personality appearances at the cost of idol concerts.

Chapter 8: The flashback of Airi's past continues. Her manager felt she wasn't fit to be an idol, and that she'd only survive the industry as a TV guest. Despite her protests, they wouldn't relent, so she transferred to a new agency. They decided to pull the same stunt too. In the current day, Shizuku tries to console Airi, but is quickly shut down. Airi yells at her for having it so easy, since she's so naturally perfect and pretty she doesn't even have to try. Airi realizes what's she's said and immediately apologizes, but Shizuku runs away crying.

Later, Shizuku remembers meeting Airi for the first time. Her friends had sent in an application without her consent, and after winning an idol competition, found the pressure to be overwhelming. Airi had cheered her up with a speech on hope. Shizuku feels indebted to Airi for having got her this far. However, the comments of her current unit, combined with Airi's outburst, lead her to decide to quit being an idol.

On the rooftop, Haruka reveals to Minori that she's going to stop coming to read up there. Minori re-declares her determination to follow in Haruka's footsteps. Haruka is proud of her, but secretly worries she won't survive the idol industry.

Chapter 9: Airi is concerned for Shizuku and begins doubting if she has the right to coach Minori anymore. Suddenly, Rin pops out of the SEKAI to cheer her, reminding her of the hope idols bring. Airi finds Minori on the rooftop and tells her about how hard the idol industry really is. Despite the challenge, Minori still chooses to carry her dream, inadvertently rekindling Airi's own. Airi vows to begin practicing again, this time alongside Minori.

Chapter 10: Airi reveals what she had said to Shizuku the other day to Minori, who decides to help her apologize. Suddenly, Minori gets a notification. Airi races through the halls, running into Haruka. Minori breaks the news to her that Shizuku has officially quit Cheerful*Days. Airi confronts Shizuku in the courtyard, soon followed by the other two. Shizuku is hurt by Airi's comments on how she was born to be an idol. Airi was the one to teach her true idols are the ones with heart, but now it feels like nobody will ever see her in that way. Shizuku talks about her inability to connect with the rest of Cheerful*Days because of their jealousy. Airi apologizes for her words and runs off to the Cheerful*Days theater.

Chapter 11: Minori tries running after Airi with Shizuku, but Haruka stops her. She worries Minori will learn the harsh reality of idol's true, human personalities. Minori's resolve stays strong and goes anyways, so Haruka follows. At the Cheerful*Days theater, the current group members talk harshly of Shizuku and her retirement. Airi rushes in to defend Shizuku and all the hard work she had put in towards being the idol she wanted to be, something Airi had failed to do. She admits to being jealous of Shizuku, but recognizes that she is still a kind and hardworking person. Despite this, Cheerful*Days still speaks ill of Shizuku. Airi tries fist-fighting them but is stopped by Minori. Shizuku accepts Airi's apology and leaves Cheerful*Days behind.

Chapter 12: Airi once again apologizes to Shizuku. Shizuku, in turn, asks if Airi would please become an idol again. Airi says yes, but only if she will, too. Airi may be Shizuku's idol, but Shizuku is Airi's. Airi asks if Haruka would like to join the three of them on the rooftop, but she declines. She says doesn't think she has any right to be an idol, but refuses to elaborate.

Chapter 13: Shizuku, Airi, and Minori are all worried about Haruka. In the school courtyard, they run into Mai, a former member of ASRUN, looking for Haruka. She reveals to them that she's the reason Haruka quit being an idol. Haruka had inspired her to become an idol, and she had greatly enjoyed getting the chance to work with her. However, Mai had ended up falling into a slump. Haruka told her to not give up hope and keep trying. Mai ended up injuring her vocal cords from overworking herself, forcing her to quit idol work. She lashed out and blamed Haruka for what happened.

Chapter 14: Mai wants to apologize to Haruka for what she had said. The next day, the four of them take her to the rooftop, where Mai gets to do so. Haruka apologizes back, stating that she regrets pushing Mai so hard and denies it was why she quit. After Mai leaves, Haruka admits she only said that so Mai wouldn't feel guilty. She believes that she has nothing left to give as an idol.

Chapter 15: It is revealed that Haruka's guilt over the incident caused her to develop stage fright to the point of being unable to stand on the stage anymore, no matter what she tried. Later, Minori curses herself for forcing Haruka to have to live through those painful memories again by helping her. She decides to go to SEKAI to ask for advice.

Chapter 16: Minori tells Miku and Rin about the hope Haruka had given her as a kid, and how she wants to find a way to return that gift. Miku and Rin put on a show to cheer Minori up, asking her to sit in a special chair backstage. Partway through the show, the pen lights turn bright blue. Minori finally realizes it's because of Haruka's memories that they do that. She decides to put on a show for Haruka so she can see those lights one more time.

Chapter 17: Shizuku and Airi discuss how hard it must be for Haruka having quit being an idol. Minori rushes in and reveals her plan to them. Though they aren't sure if it will work, Shizuku and Airi decide to help.

Chapter 18: The next day, the three drag Haruka into the SEKAI for the show. Minori begins with a declaration of how much Haruka means to her, then begins singing Happy Synthesizer as the pen lights glow blue. Haruka is reminded of her first solo show, when the pen lights had turned into an ocean for the first time. Minori grabs Haruka's hand and tells her all the wonderful things that had happened since she had become her fan. Airi and Shizuku hold her steady so she can stand on the stage once again.

Chapter 19: Untitled forms into a song: New Edgy Idols. Airi, Shizuku, and Haruka tell Minori how grateful they are for reminding them of their true feelings by harboring her own so tightly. After performing the new song, the four thank the Virtual Singers for their help, too. The next day, Haruka tells Mai she's returning to idol work.

Chapter 20: Despite all of their hard work, Minori receives yet another agency rejection. Airi and Shizuku cheer her back up and resolve to keep working with her. Haruka finds the three on the rooftop and proposes starting their own idol group, since they all harbor the same dream. Minori expresses her excitement over being their very first fan, to which the other three laugh. Even though Minori's never been an idol before, she was the one who rekindled their dreams. There's no way they're doing this without her, too. The four decide on the name MORE! MORE! JUMP!, after Minori's habit of saying "more, more!" and them jumping up towards their idol dreams.

Virtual Singer Chapter 1 (Pre-Chapter 0): Miku and Rin perform a show. Though Rin forgot their blocking, Miku adapted quickly. Rin apologizes for messing up and leaves. Later, Miku finds her sleeping on the stage floor with notes scattered around. She tucks her in goodnight.

Virtual Singer Chapter 2 (After Chapter 7): Rin is upset everyone was sad after their show, but Miku recognizes it was the push they needed to find their true feelings. They're not worried about Minori, but fear for the other three. The pair decide to come up with a new, better performance for next time.

Virtual Singer Chapter 3 (After Chapter 16): Miku and Rin are relieved Minori's feeling better about the Haruka situation. They trust Minori will make Haruka smile again. Miku knows Airi and Shizuku will decide to help out, too. The duo discuss the cool blue effects they could add to make the performance even better.

Virtual Singer Chapter 4 (After Chapter 20): Minori, Airi, Shizuku, and Haruka surprised Miku and Rin by coming to watch their show. They tell the Virtual Singers about how they formed a new idol group, together. Rin asks to do a celebration show, to which they all readily agree. Haruka especially, now that's she's managed to move past her insecurities. Miku is happy everyone's smile is so bright.

[nanomooselet]

Little but Fierce VII

Update: Okay, computer had the fear of me put into it and the pictures have been added.

I confess to some confusion over complaints Legato's significance was reduced in Stampede. We're still not even halfway through the story. The '98 adaptation hinged almost entirely upon Legato, and the manga had him as Vash's greatest ideological opponent. He's the best argument Knives made for wiping out humanity: a human who'd been so cruelly abused he viewed all who failed to help him as complicit and deserving of death.

In my opinion, Legato's had his turn in the spotlight, since with Knives not confined to a lightbulb he can be a direct and present threat in a way he couldn't be before. Now it's time for someone else to play the foil.

Meryl's learned everything she needs to learn and seen all she needs to see. It's time for her final exam. First up, Zazie.

Only nominally allied with Knives, Zazie occupies the role Meryl herself seeks: observer, witness, knower of the truth, bestower of judgement. They extend the privilege of that role to Meryl - she is a representative for humanity as Zazie speaks for the Worms. Having already discussed Zazie's interest in Meryl at some length, I'll move on, and pause only to note that it testifies how far Meryl's come that Zazie doesn't completely freak her the hell out.

She passes the test: along with being ignorant of the fate of Earth, she believes that humankind can and must change. Luida showed her a means to do so. It may not be enough for Zazie to fully trust humanity, but it's a reason not to fully trust Knives. The conversation will continue.

Second, Dr. Conrad.

He's a foil more for Roberto. The extreme end of the cynical mindset that Roberto tends to espouse - that cruelty is only to be expected on a world this cruel and cannot be changed. But where Roberto advises remaining uninvolved, Dr. Conrad finds it justification for cruelty in turn.

This test, too, Meryl passes; Roberto, inspired by her determination and conviction, successfully overcomes his own cynicism and mistrust, as well as over a century of accrued rationalisations, and manages to shake Conrad's faith, his judgement cutting him to the quick. It's a relatively subdued form of defeat, but, well, neither of these men are going to be engaging in high-powered gun fights. And so we move on to the final test...

Ah, she'll do nicely.

Yes, I understand dislike for the alteration to Elendira's backstory in Stampede (albeit I do wonder whether it relates to whatever Nightow had in mind for her in Maximum, even if I can't explain what makes me think it does. Just that I do). Otherwise I wouldn't have written what I did speculating how she'll develop beyond it. However, just as with Milly's absence and Roberto's presence, I think I see the way she serves Meryl's development into the woman she becomes.

Just as Vash will have to face and defeat his shadow in his brother before he can truly claim his identity, Meryl must face her own in Elendira. Small, femme, viewed as a child (to her annoyance) but a physically developed adult, accompanied everywhere by an older teacher who assumes responsibility for her. And a lot of the other implications and symbolism surrounding El are... I believe the technical term is "yikes".

It's easy to tell that in Meryl, Vash sees Rem - dark-haired, compassionate, strong sense of responsibility. She isn't Rem, because no one can be (arguably Rem herself couldn't live up to what she became to him, which is not her fault). But in Meryl Rem's spirit survives, just as in the rest of humanity; the living reason he follows his ideals, and a reason to live.

What may be a little harder to realise is that Knives is also inspired by a feminine figure elevated near to sainthood in his eyes. But it isn't Rem he believes himself inspired by, except in the sense that he loathes her.

It's Tesla. Where Vash is determined to take on the responsibility that his mother entrusted to him, Knives wants the power both to take vengeance for and to protect his sister.

It's important that he never actually knew Tesla, nor is she capable of conveying her wishes to him, just like the dependent Plants. He only assumes she must have been helpless and weak before human brutality, just as Vash is weak, and his brethren. So it's up to Knives, the big brother, to remove that weakness - he is, after all, their representative. Their blade.

And thus he allowed the creation of Elendira. Not exactly a human, but not entirely a Plant. Childishly vindictive, impulsively violent, filled with a deep loathing of humanity, needing nothing and no one - just like Knives himself wishes to be, and thus what Knives wants to believe would be true of Tesla. She would surely approve of all he's done for her. And she's absolutely loyal to him, and rejects Vash. Knives is her lord. She is proud to serve only him.

Here we have someone who refuses Meryl's judgement of her, the assumption of superiority it carries. Who are you to pity me? She also doesn't care to be disciplined by her teacher. Dr. Conrad tells her to stop and she shouts that he be silent and continues advancing.

On top of that… there's a sense of creepy, creepy suggestiveness around El. When she bursts out of the tank, she's nude, and unconcerned with being so. She is no less a threat in this state than she would be clothed. It reminds me of Knives during Fifth Moon in the original manga. Along with the way she behaved in other scenes, like when speaking with Rollo; she, uh, licks the tip of her finger. I'm not imagining the lasciviousness in that gesture, am I?

Meryl's demonstrated that she's intimidated by this aspect of adulthood. That Elendira looks so young just makes it more disturbing. (And I deeply respect that Orange didn't go for titillating, which anime has a bad habit of doing with similar characters. Elendira isn't there to excite us. She's terrifying. It's like ep 11 being SA but stripped of anything resembling sex, leaving only the victim's terror, suffering and despair.)

This is something Meryl can't face on her own. She needs one more example of teamwork… and Roberto, ever-willing to teach, manages to anticipate and protect her long enough to see one arrive.

Big brother comes to the rescue of little sister.

Wolfwood defeats Elendira because he knows better than to hesitate. He knows that one cannot judge by appearances - he's the younger of the two! Elendira was around before Rollo; Wolfwood came after him. But physically he's older, and stronger, and willing to exert that strength to defeat her. And Elendira's got the same weakness as Knives - her confidence can't withstand even a single attempt to hit back. She falls apart like a little kid, wailing as in much surprise and outrage as in pain. Did you just shoot me?!

Meryl suffers a much more devastating blow when she realises Roberto is dying. But she survives it. And Roberto proves one final time why he was the best teacher for her. Because he doesn't blame her. He could easily have left the same scar in her that Knives left in Vash - you cannot judge, because this is all your fault.

But he doesn't. He tells her this isn't her fault. He tells her she can choose. He tells her to follow her heart. Choose your own path and walk it with confidence. And he gives her the weapon that becomes her name, along with the name itself.

Meryl Stryfe.

She's the only one she has left to rely on now. And she's ready.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VIII

Part IX

[eldritch-spouse]

The Princes

After a deal is established between Krulu and Miara, the idea of creating offspring becomes slightly less abhorrent to Krulu, for a multitude of reasons, some of which he's not keen to admit.

Miara will tell him a lot of truths he needs to hear, a couple of these being particularly pleasing, such as:

Siadar have vastly stopped watching Earth. This means the banished is not in as much danger as he believes himself to be. There's no need to be as subtle as he currently is being, because ever since Earth became the equivalent of a "no-go" zone, he's in little to no danger of being found. He's in an isolated, abandoned instance, inside a system vastly abandoned by siadar. Mother is only there because she's a deviant looking for her fragment;

He has her protection. In the very unlikely scenario that something did go wrong and both of them would be found, Miara volunteers herself to not only protect, but also sacrifice herself for the offspring and possibly buy all of them enough time to escape. This is not being done for Krulu specifically, but rather for Admin, the shard. Miara wants to proportion nothing but the best for you and is driven with all her being to ensure that you live the most fulfilled life. Does Krulu like that having Mother's protection soothes him? No, fuck no. But he can't deny that it makes the idea of heirs more feasible, tangible, less stressful.

Why is Miara so keen on kids?

Simple, she's a fertility goddess. As a former matemaker, and a creator, she can't help but encourage procreation amongst those she cares for. You (Admin) yourself are extremely family-oriented (if you weren't before, you sure are now) as one of your longest lasting wishes to be impregnated by Krulu and bring his heirs into the world. This desire is in direct correlation with your soul's link to Miara.

Other than that, she's also very excited to see a possible new generation of monsters be created, as she's come to adore the "heretical" diversity of this planet.

Why is Krulu so against kids?

Tl;dr: Trauma.

The last thing he wants is to be found again, to have the few things he's relearned to love be ripped from his grasp, decimated anew. He wouldn't survive that, he'd enter such a nauseating level of hysteria, of mania, that his mental faculties would never recover and he'd scorch everything alive. This planet, his kind, himself. Just thinking about actually going through with it causes him grief and panic deep enough to make his chest ache. Naturally, as his vessel, this saddens you to no end.

Putting that major mental block aside, Krulu is also saddened by the possibility of passing on his wounds and "blemishes" onto the offspring, which is likely, since the extended period of time inside The Null altered his core, his genetics.

The "test run"

Belo is the first who gets to put a baby in you.

For several reasons, mainly that Krulu isn't ready to do it until much later, but this test run with Belo only serves to sway him in that direction. The idea is implanted in your head first by none other than Miara, who is very good at coming up with mildly creative, kinda bullshit solutions to a lot of problems. If Krulu won't grant you offspring just yet, why not coax him with the image of you swollen by Belo's child?

This is beneficial for a lot of reasons, mostly that there's little to no danger involved for Krulu or you. Plus, it's something the higher finds himself very aroused by. The pregnancy will be smoother, and everyone gets a chance to orient themselves towards a more familial dynamic. Belo himself is extremely honored to have this chance, and exists in shock for a great deal of its duration.

After the angel hybrid child is born, your recovery is given priority, as soon enough, you'll be welcoming Krulu's heir. This pregnancy is already vastly different, and a touch more risky. (I've detailed the basic gist of it before.)

The offspring

Put simply, the siblings are as follows:

Adelo (Prince of Eden) -> Belo and Admin's child. An angel hybrid with some odd shapes here and there. Little about them is humanoid, mostly because angels are some of the most untampered types of creations genetically speaking, it would take a lot of successive breeding with lessers to make extremely humanoid angels. A very playful person, masculine-presenting, hermaphroditic. This little bozo originally simply wanted to goof off and was content only having to perform small errands for his parents, the clergymen and so forth. Upon teenhood, he's told about some plans for Eden, and how Krulu wishes Adelo would become its ruler within time. Ever since then, he has strived to make his parents' vision become reality, no matter what.

Adrul (Prince of Perdition) -> Krulu and Admin's child. Retains a lot of his father's visage, though with the odd feature of a centipede-like lower body. Has been somewhat quiet and serious since childhood, in great contrast to his brother, though he's not incapable of humor. The hybrid didn't like to feel useless and would take on any role necessary, no matter how foreign it felt. He takes his mission to heart and swears to convert every demon, or kill them where they stand shall they refuse to honor Krulu. Although he may outwardly come off as intimidating and heartless, Adrul has a lot more empathy than his brother.

As princes, it's safe to assume both monsters suffer from some degree of loneliness and stress, imposed on them by the missions they have been encumbered with. If only there was someone who caught their eye, made life more bearable...

[jumpywhumpywriter]

Run, Human... RUN. part 8

Warnings: violence, blood, torture, extreme physical trauma and sickness, muzzled

"Tyleet... it's okay, I understand you're hurt, and scared, and confused..." Alexa spoke to him softly, gently, fighting to keep the excruciating pain from leaking into her voice.

"Please let go," she said quietly. "I didn't mean to scare you, I promise I'm trying to help..."

Tyleet's fangs stayed locked deep in her hand, but she could sense his hesitation, the force of his bite lessening just a hair, as though he were considering releasing her but was too scared to. His eyes became lucid for a second, as though he almost recognized her, but then they clouded with fear again.

"Please," Alexa repeated, though this time it was more like a desperate plea, begging. She didn't want to die. She remembered her teammate's blood curdling screams as a bat-man's venom coursed through them, killing them from inside.

The tension in the room was palpable, Alexa holding her breath anxiously. When suddenly, the door slammed open, and Violet came barging in with two armed men hot on her heels. Her face was pale with panic, and she was holding a black device in one hand.

Tyleet suddenly released Alexa and let out a ragged wail of agony, screaming and convulsing against his restraints while she watched on in horror, yanking her hand back with a gasp as soon as the teeth left her flesh. She hadn't noticed until now the thick metal shock collar around his neck, that was linked to the device Violet was holding.

His body spasmed and seized with electricity, and he slumped limply forward against his restraints when the spell ended, panting hard and sucking in gulping gasps of air as tears of pure pain rolled down his cheeks, head lolling against his heaving chest. Quiet whimpers and choked sobs broke up his shaky breaths, and Alexa whirled on Violet, fury painting her features.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" She shouted, horrified.

"He was going to kill you! I just saved your life!" Violet roared back with equal anger. "What were you thinking, taking the muzzle off! WERE you even thinking?! It was there for a reason! I came rushing down here as soon as I saw you on the security feed! And you're sure lucky I arrived when I did."

"Stop that! You're torturing him!"

"I'm punishing him. There's a difference. The shock collar's there to control him and keep him from lashing out like he just did." Violet's tone was clipped as she gestured to her two men, who stepped forward, one scooping up the bloodied muzzle from the floor, still wet with foamy saliva.

Tyleet was trembling all over as they approached him, eyes huge as they locked onto the muzzle being raised to his face. He squirmed, trying weakly to fight back, do anything to keep from having the cruel muzzle put back on, but Violet held up the black device she was holding, a finger hovering over the shock button threateningly.

Tyleet immediately froze with a quiet agonized whine, reluctantly allowing the second man to grab his jaw and roughly open his mouth so that the metal bit could be forced back in, practically going down his throat and pressing painfully against his tongue and the torn corners of his mouth. He gagged and choked before acclimating as the man let go and the first man set the leather part in place, strapping it tightly back on before stepping back.

"Alexa, we're leaving. Now. You must have really hit your head hard to be making such poor decisions -- I need you to pay Dr. Hawks a visit to check you out, and make sure you're mentally stable enough to be given free leash to wander around the facilities unsupervised," Violet growled angrily.

Alexa spun and gaped at her in disbelief. "I'm not sick or injured! I'm just ticked that you're treating him like an animal!

"Because he is an animal!" Violet snapped. "Why can't you see that?! He's vicious and dangerous and needs to be kept in check! I mean, you were literally just bitten by him!"

Alexa narrowed her eyes at her. "He's not an animal. He has a voice, and can speak. When I was out in the forest, he could talk to me. Coherently."

"Alexa... it's a literal monster. It can't understand you."

Alexa shook her vehemently. "He can," she insisted fiercely. "He can understand, and he can speak English... barely."

Violet pinched the bridge of her nose with an exasperated groan. "Even if that were true, it doesn't change the fact that he can kill us. He was also probably just mimicking and parroting whatever you were saying. Certain precautions must be taken--hey!" She reached out a hand as Alexa spun on her heel and stormed out of the room, but Alexa swatted her hand away angrily.

"Don't touch me! I just... I need some fresh air to clear my head." She left Violet in stunned silence, stalking off and not stopping until she'd reached the front doors of the military base. Strange... she didn't remember there being quite so many guards posted there.

"What's going on?" She approached one she recognized for answers. Jason.

Jason's shoulders were stiff with unspoken tension, but his expression softened into an easy smile upon seeing Alexa. "Welcome back to the land of the living," he teased. Alexa didn't acknowledge the joke, jumping straight to the point.

"Why are there so many guards here?" She demanded again, eyeing the high-power rifles they all had. Jason's face fell.

"More of those ugly bat creatures have been spotted lingering around the base, too close for comfort. They've got us totally surrounded. We can't send any teams out to go hunting or searching for resources until they leave and it's safe, and it doesn't look like they'll be moving away anytime soon. It's like they're waiting for us to leave the safety of the military base to attack."

"When did this start?"

"The day you brought your 'pet' home. And those freaks have been hanging out close by ever since."

Alexa knew what he was referring to... who he was referring to. An uneasy shiver ran down her spine. Was it possible... that they'd been followed back to base the day Tyleet had been captured? Were the bat-like beasts in the forest waiting for the opportunity to rescue their friend? But she'd seen the way Tyleet told off the man who had attacked her when she'd run away from his dwelling, despite the man being more than twice his size. He'd spoken with such power and authority… like he was giving an order…

By the stars, it all made sense now. How didn't she realize it before?! Tyleet wasn't 'just a friend'... he was the freaking bat-people's leader.

"Hello? Earth to Alexa? You okay?" Alexa blinked as fingers snapped in front of her face, and she realized she'd been staring off into the distance in her shock.

"Is that a good thousand-yard stare or a bad thousand-yard stare?" Jason laughed, but it was strained, and his eyes were wide and worried. "You were spacing out pretty hard just now."

Alexa shook her head to clear it. "Yeah--sorry--I just thought of something important. I'll see you later!" She whipped around and took off to find Violet, leaving Jason in stunned silence.

If Alexa's theory was right, the surviving human colony was in a lot of danger. It was strange to think of Tyleet as being a leader, with how timid and uncertain he'd always seemed around her, how vulnerable, not showing many leadership qualities. But maybe that had been to hide his real power all along. It wouldn't be the first time powerful leaders had been drastically underestimated.

Alexa remembered many years ago in a time when she had been part of a separate colony of survivors, before meeting her new family at the military base. Their leader at the time had been the polar opposite of what she would have expected; shy, introverted, socially awkward, non-confrontational... but on the battlefield, it was like he was a different person altogether -- cruel and calculating, barking orders and winning fights. A bold and self-confident man. Too bad the fatal human virus had gotten to him.

She was becoming more and more sure of her theory with every hurried step she took, until she finally burst into Violet’s office.

"I thought fresh air is supposed to be relaxing, but now you look even more frazzled than before!" Violet remarked, noticing her disorderly appearance. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Alexa took a second to catch her breath before speaking. "Jason told me about the bat-people surrounding this place..."

"Yeah? And?"

"I think it's because we have one of their kind captive here." Alexa swallowed hard. "They want to rescue him."

Violet snorted. "Mindless beasts don't 'plan' things, much less coordinate with each other to stake out a building to 'save' one of their own. The pack of bat-people is probably just passing through."

"No! You're not listening! They have human-like intelligence, I told you the story about how Tyleet saved me when I was about to die! That was compassion. Are 'mindless animals' capable of such a human emotion?"

"Oh? So the thing has a name now?" Violet arched an eyebrow.

Alexa's face scrunched with frustration. "Yes he has a name, and he has an entire culture and complex lifestyle you know nothing about! They're complicated creatures. Not animals." She rarely took that tone with anyone, but she didn't care as she leaned over Violet's desk, face grave and desperate.

"You have to let Tyleet go. The bat-people won't leave us alone without him." She decided to leave out her theory about him being the leader of the hostile tribe. Violet would probably think she was even crazier for it. "I think the bat-people are surrounding us to cut off our resources. As long as they're lurking in the forest, no one can leave here to find food. They're cutting off any hope of getting resources to force us out. And we're already running thin on food as it is."

Violet sighed heavily, massaging her temples. "While I highly doubt the monsters are as sophisticated as you say, I can't deny what you're saying. But if it is true... then the one we have in captivity might be the only thing protecting us from their wrath. The other bat-people clearly don't want to attack while he's in our possession and risk us harming him. We hold the leverage over them."

Alexa stared blankly at her. Was she serious?! "But--"

"--Non-negotiable," Violet interrupted. "The bat-boy in our possession isn't going anywhere. He could be our only hope of creating a weapon against the bat-people. By studying him, we can exploit his weaknesses and find a way to use it against his kind and defend ourselves. Find something to level the playing field."

"He's not a blasted science experiment!" Alexa argued, bristling at the notion.

Violet narrowed her eyes, then rolled them in exasperation. "I don't know what's gotten into you lately, ever since you got back it's like you're a whole different person. Did something happen to you in that forest that messed with your head?"

Alexa stared for a long second, before averting her gaze, forcing herself to relax with a sigh. Fighting Violet on it was pointless. But... she couldn't let her continue to torture Tyleet in the name of science. The kind-hearted bird-man didn't deserve to suffer like that. So... it seemed it was up to her to do something about it.

"No, sorry... I'm fine, just getting used to being back," Alexa muttered, then left Violet's office. Her chest was tight with anxiety as she made her way back to where Tyleet was being kept after swiping a pair of keys off a guard. She had to get him out of here before Violet or anyone else killed him. It was risky... but she owed it to Tyleet.

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