#i opened my package around 8 am then went back to sleep. its mostly a blur

[lesbiangiratina]

I won at buying doujinshi today

So cute explodes

[pbandjesse]

My allergies are kicking my butt. I am tired. SweetP has been basically right next to me all day and I think that made my allergeis kick off? But its also the first day of october! Amazing! It was a lovely day weather wise. I am happy for the cooler weather. 

And today was a pretty okay day I guess. I woke up with my alarm at 8 and laid in bed for a few minutes. James came to make sure I was awake. I was but I didnt want to get up yet. I knew I would have to soon but not yet. 

I eventually did get up. I got dressed and felt very cute. An excellent fall outfit. James had made me a baked avocado with an egg. And soon it was time to go to the appointment. 

And it went as well as expected. They were really nice. It was very expensive. They told me nothing. Not a surprise. I got there and missed the door and had to backtrack. But it was fine. James waited in the car. I got in there and paid and they had me go wash my hands. They did two Xrays and the one was weirdly large and made me choke and my eyes watered. Annoying. Then I waited for a while but not to long. I mostly just stared at the computer screen looking at my Xray. Then the dentist was there and he was very kind. I told him I do not want a root canal. But surprise. A dentist who specializes in root canals wants to do a root canal? Shocker??? I was sent there to see what the darkness in my gums was but he said I need to see a DIFFERENT specialist to see what that might be. I wasnt pleased but I didnt let him know that. I told him I will probably just have the tooth removed. He said that was an option but would need an implant or something in the future but honestly. I dont even care. I just want this tooth out. 

I wasnt happy when I left. I went to the car and told James what happened. He asked me what I wanted to do now. And I just wanted to go home. We ended up getting a little turned around. But we figured it out. And headed home. 

James wanted to finally get my bike to the bike store. And I was just. Done. I wanted to lay down. I was so tired emotionally. So James decided to just go without me and it was fine. Its going to be a few weeks but I have been bikeless for months so its not a big deal. 

I never was able to fall asleep. But I enjoyed laying in the studio with sweetP. James was taking a while to get back because he had stopped at the grocery store. But I got up and had a snack and felt a little better. 

I spent a few hours playing on animal crossing. Because its october I can finally plant pumpkins! And I wanted to jazz up the space so I decided to change out all our flowers to be orange, black, or purple. But that took literally forever and I only had so many of those colors. But I ended up just planinting like 100 pumpkins and making little gardens. I did save all our pink flowers too because you cant buy those. But I am very pleased with how everything looks. 

James got home and made us stuffed shells. They were excellent. And then Brandon came over for a little and him and James went to take a walk. 

I kept working on the island. And then they were back. And I went to work on my quilt for a while. But I only did that for an hour or so. Brandon headed home. And James played video games for a while. 

I have spent the afternoon hanging out as my allergies got worse and worse. But I tried to just stay positive. The sun started to go down and James made us a pizza. He also made a pumpkin cheese cake today. Hes great. 

We have been hanging out and enjoying eachother's company. The mail just came and I got a package and I am looking forward to opening that. 

But I hope you all have a great night. I hope we all sleep well. Take care of yourselves. Goodnight! 

[ddaengyoonmin]

Chapter one

Pairing: Jungkook x reader, eventual Ot7 x reader in later chapters

Genre: Angst, fluff, uhh maybe smut eventually??

Theme: Based kinda on sword art online a lot of similar ideas and themes kinda combining the idea of them trapped in the game, but the world is closer to ALFheim online

Word count: 2.1k+

Warnings: Swearing?..I swear a lot it can’t be contained. Giant Bees?? Not too much to warn about for this chapter but future chapters might get crazy

*check my master list for the prologue, I suggest reading it first*

Next -> Chapter 2

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A bright light shone in from a missing blind.  One of your bothersome, but too cute to be mad at cats must’ve broken it, you made a mental note to fix that later. It woke you up earlier than usual for a Friday, probably not a bad thing, you had a big day ahead of you.  Working from home had its advantages such as being able to create your own schedule.

You had set the day aside to mentally prepare for and then try out your dreaded birthday gift you had received just the day before.

The clock read 8:00 am. You sighed as you pulled yourself out of bed, startling the young calico cat who had been sleeping on your stomach throughout the night. “Sorry velvet” you mumble sleepily.  Though she should be used to the rude awakenings by now, given that you on the other hand had not gotten used to having a cuddly cat and always seemed to accidentally throw her off your lap in the mornings.   Your other cat Tiger always kept to herself and usually slept on the top of her cat tree or on a top shelf in one of your closets.

Last year when you bought your new apartment you had marveled at the spaciousness of the classy two bedroom layout.  You debated on turning that second bedroom into a room for Tiger to have all to herself, but decided that would only feed into your family’s idea you were becoming a crazy cat lady hermit. Instead it became your office, and today it was the room you decided you would try out the full dive gaming experience headset in.  You had a comfortable black leather office chair that you usually spent most of your days in while you worked on your designs.  You figured that would be fine to recline in while you went into the game.

After getting yourself a filling breakfast you fed Velvet and Tiger a little extra, not knowing how long you’d be in the game.  Part of you hoped that your mom would be satisfied if you just tried it for 30 minutes or so, then you could get back to the practical reality you preferred to live in. But you still wanted to be prepared in case the impossible happened and you actually enjoyed yourself.

You picked up the sleek looking packaging that held the headset and the game you had been given. You let out a sigh and looked over to your pets, “lets give this a shot huh?” you said, looking at them as if they could understand you.

When you arrived to your office you plopped down into your comfy chair and finally opened the packaging.  The headset was shiny and heavy, looking similar to a motorcycle helmet.  In the back by the base of the neck there was a long wire the same shade of silver as the rest of the headset.  You pulled out the instructions from the box and skimmed it over.  

“Internal battery, internal memory to store data, in game items, and achievements”

“Pre-programmed with Faerie Realm installed, no updates or installation required”

“To enter the game is simple, put on the headset and click the large button on the side of the headset and say the command ‘LINK START’”

You felt skeptical of this whole thing, but you reasoned that they wouldn’t sell it to the public if it was unsafe.

With one last see ya later to Tiger and Velvet you plugged in the headset and carefully placed it over your head.  It was a snug fit and there were straps to secure it underneath your chin.

A small wave of nervousness ran over you, you took a few deep breaths and put your pointer finger to the side of the headset and held the button. Loud and enunciated so as not to mess this up somehow, you said the command…

“LINK START”

Almost instantly, like falling asleep suddenly, everything went dark.  It only lasted a few seconds until you were standing in a bright, white, empty room with no doors or windows.  You looked to your left and right in a slight panic, you felt like you could hear some music start to play.

Then, catching you off guard a giant holographic screen projected onto the wall in front of you.

“Welcome new player!” A chipper voice rang out from the direction of the screen “It’s time to chose your fairy race, and dive into the world of Faerie Realm! Point your hand straight out fingers spread out to the screen and swipe to the right to scroll through the choices, make a fist for 10 seconds at the screen on the page of the Fairy race you choose and you will move on to the next step!”

On the screen an example character popped and you giggled at it.  It was an image of you, but not totally you.  Your hair was longer than in real life and it was dyed a turquoise shade of blue, you were wearing a tight royal blue and white dress that was much shorter than anything you’d ever worn before.

 You had to admit from a designers point of view, that it was pretty interesting how they’d managed to do that.  The thing that really caught your eye was that coming from behind your back was a pair of beautiful shimmering turquoise wings matching the hair, they were slightly transparent and had a light blue glow coming off of them. The title under this character “Water Fairy”

You scrolled over the other choices shortly, five options of fairy races each with different styles, perks and nerdy sounding stats you didn’t even bother to read. You were mostly focused on the look, and none stood out as much as the first you had seen and you settle on the Water Fairy, holding out a fist to the screen as it instructed.  

The next step you were prompted to complete was to choose a username.  You decide on “Velvet Tiger” in honor of your bestfriends at home. Once you held out your fist again to declare that you were sure of your name, the room turned dark again.  Next you felt like you were falling, falling falling, and the perky voice echoed around you “Have fun in Faerie Realm!!”

With a loud thud you felt yourself hit grass, strangely you felt no sort of pain from your fall, odd.

You picked yourself up from the ground and brushed the dirt off of what you now realized was the same blue dress from the screen.  You pull your now extremely long hair in front of your face to see it was indeed also the hair you had seen on yourself in the preview.  “Color me impressed” You chuckled aloud.

You started to look around to get a bearing on your surroundings.  “Umm...what exactly am I supposed to do?” You spoke aloud again, not sure if you were hoping someone would answer or that some sort of screen would pop up at your question.  But nothing happened.  

You were alone in the middle of the most perfect flowering field you’d ever seen in your life, it was beautiful, cream colored daisies scattered all around you.  It was sunny and bright and the temperature was perfect. You could feel a light breeze press on your cheek, you brought your hand up to your face.  “Woah…” you muttered.  It was crazy to think none of this was real.  

A noise suddenly snapped you out of your state of awe.  You cocked your head to the side slightly.  It was a humming noise getting louder and louder by the second.  

To your surprise and horror the objects in question made themselves visible.  “What the fuck!!!” You scream, and immediately start to book it in the opposite direction.

BEES? But not just regular bees, a swarm of GIANT bees about the size of your cats were headed straight towards you.  You found yourself screaming out a series of fucks and holy shits as you tried to outrun the swarm, they were catching up faster than you could run.  ‘Thanks mom, this is real fun’, you thought.  

You were about to get to a treeline that was up ahead when you tripped and fell flat on your face, you winced, not because it hurt, (you realized this game must not let you feel pain, which is nice), but because you were just embracing the fact that giant bees were about to be your ‘game over’ only 5 minutes into the game.

A loud POW sounded out right behind you and you covered your ears and buried your head into the ground.  A crackling noise like fireworks followed. And then...a beautiful sound.

“You okay miss?” A silvery voice spoke from above you.

You uncovered your ears and lifted your head up from your embarrassing position you had assumed when you thought your demise in this game was upon you.

What you saw when your eyes met the figure standing over you took your breath away.  You had to try and keep a straight face and contain your awe so as not to further embarrass yourself.  

The man standing over you looked like an angel covered in black.  He had on a tight fitting black shirt with a gray jacket that was styled fitting to the theme of this game draped over top, and tight black skinny jeans to go with.  From behind his back you could see a pair of shimmering translucent wings similar in design to yours but the color was a charcoal black.  

He extended a strong looking hand towards you, but you were still frozen in a combination of awe and embarrassment.  He retracted his hand, chuckled, and ran his fingers through his pitch black hair. You scurried to get up on your own  snapping out of your daze and standing eye to eye with the man you asume must’ve just saved your ass from the killer bees.

“Um, thank you” You nervously mumbled his way.  His eyes were kind as he met your gaze with a smile.  You had to force yourself to keep your eyes on his as they seemed compelled to trail over all of his body.  “You’re welcome” His smile grew bigger than it previously was.  “You’re lucky I got here when I did! They were gearing up for some power stings that definitely would’ve sent you to a black screen at your level”

“At….my level?” You said with confusion.  “Yeah, I can see your level right there” he pointed just to the left of your face.  You for the first time notice a small screen was there that had your username, level, health and an option for ‘menu’ listed.  “Oh..” you managed an awkward smile.  You realized you could see his too, ‘Kookie, level 10, full health’ listed on the screen hovering next to him.  

“I’ve been here since 12am when it opened” he said sheepishly running his hand through his hair again.  “Games are kinda my thing and when I heard this was coming out I wanted to get ahead right away...did you just get here or something?” He questioned.

“Yeah, literally just a few minutes ago” you laughed “That was about to be a real short run” you winced at the not too distant memory. “I...uh..games aren’t really my thing”

He smirked at your comment “You don’t say?” he teased.  You stuck your tongue out at him, then immediately felt embarrassed.  Not totally sure what came over you to do that to a total stranger, but hey, it is just a game and he started it right? So you shook off the awkward feeling and decided to just go with it.  He laughed a full belly laugh at your action and shook his head “Ok, I like your style ma’m, so I’m gonna take pity on your and show you the ropes here” He spoke cockily.

“Oh? And what makes you think I need your help?” You tried to come back with, only eliciting further laughter from him. “You’re right,” he put his hands up in fake defeat “those bees were completely defenseless to your ‘duck and cover in the middle of a field’ fighting methods”

You pouted slightly at the mention of that embarrassing part of the incident that had just occurred you are hoping to just pretend didn’t happen.

“Fiiine” you sighed “I really don’t know what I’m doing here, but don't take me for some damsel in distress that's going to worship you as her hero now or anything like that”  His eyebrows raised high taken aback by your bluntness.  “Of course. I have no doubt you take care of yourself well in the real world, on first impressions you seem to be a strong, independent woman…I admire that in a lady” he assured in an honest and serious tone, but then He stopped and took a few steps closer to you standing so close it sent a shiver up your spine.  

He leaned in to your ear, tone changing from his previous statement into a more smooth and sultry whisper  “But this isn’t the real world...you’ve stepped into my world now.” He pulled away, a smirk on his face.

Your eyes widened.  What have you gotten yourself into…

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[aro-of-argentum]

We’ve Got Soul: Chapter 3

WC: 2450

Warnings: Sass, cursing, ya know, the usual

Beta’d By: @teaspacebar

Notes: This chapter is mostly relationship building between Fantasia and the boys, and to show the change in their relationships in the year-ish since the last chapter.

Chapter 3:

October 8, 2037

8:04 A.M.

           “Hey,” Fantasia called out around the hair-tie bit between her teeth. “Gavin, get up.” She shoved his shoulder before putting her hair up the rest of the way.

           “Nooo,” He groaned.

           “Seriously, you have to go to work today.”

           “I shouldn’t have to, it’s my birthday.”

           “Yesterday was your birthday, today is Thursday. Get up.”

           Gavin propped himself up on his elbows so he could face her. “What time is it?”

           “Eight. I let you sleep for as long as I could before I came in to get you, but I have to go, and you need to leave for work soon.” She was walking around Gavin’s apartment, finishing putting herself together as she spoke. “My blanket is folded on the couch, and I made you breakfast, it’s in the fridge. Take a shower before you go, you stink.”

           “You’re an asshole.” He called through his bedroom door.

           She grabbed her keys, “That’s what friends are for, I’ll see you later!” And the door was shut behind her. Fantasia boarded the next bus to get to Carl’s and rang the doorbell right on time.

           Markus answered the door, “Good morning Fantasia.”

           A smile plastered across her face. “Good morning,” Fantasia said as she walked through the house to the studio. When she entered the room, Carl turned in his chair to face her.

           “You’re late.”

           “I am not,” She dropped her bag under the desk by the door, “You just get bored when I’m not here.”

           “I’m an artist, I’m never bored.”

           “I’m an artist and I get bored regularly.”

           Carl chuckled lightly, “That’d be why you’re an apprentice with lots of work still to do. Today you’re working on texture. You get one color, and you’re going to tell me a story with just the paint thickness and brush stroke.”

           “That’s it?”

           “That’s it. Have fun.” Carl left the studio without another word.

           For a few moments, Fantasia just stood in front of the canvas with a blank stare. “How the hell am I supposed to do this?” She quirked her head a little. “What if I…” Fantasia collected a palette and the paint she’d need to make her color and got started. It was almost three hours later that Carl re-entered the studio to find her standing in front of a dull blue canvas with no visible concept, other failed attempts scattered on the floor.

           As Fantasia continued to add paint to the piece as she spoke, “I’m almost done.”

           “There’s nothing there. I told you to make a story, not a mess on a canvas.”

           “Just give me a minute.” Fantasia looked over her project one more time before turning to face Carl. “It’s done.”

           Carl sighed. “My dear, I sincerely hope you are about to surprise me.”

           “Don’t I always?” Fantasia turned on the lamp she had set up to shine over the painting from the upper-right corner of the canvas. The shadows cast by the ridges in the paint formed a city block, crowded with silhouettes.

           Carl nodded. “Pleasantly surprised, indeed. It’s an interesting idea to use the light, I may have to use that at some point.”

           “Thank you,” Fantasia’s smile grew as she looked between Carl and her painting.

           “I figured this would take you a larger portion of the day. You’re more than welcome to stay if you’d like to continue working.” Carl wheeled over to his lift and continued a large piece he had in progress.

           Fantasia grabbed her bag and found a place to sit on a table across the studio from Carl’s lift. She sat cross-legged and hunched over her sketchbook as she drew her mentor at work.

           Markus entered the room and approached Fantasia. “What are you drawing?”

           “Carl,” Fantasia replied lightly and showed Markus the page. “It’s fun to draw him when he’s too busy with other things to stop me.”

           “I can still hear you.”

           “But you won’t stop me cause you’re already in the lift.” Upon receiving no reply, Fantasia continued to sketch.

           “Do you need anything while I’m here?” Markus asked politely.

           “Just your company, if you have some time.” Fantasia looked up from her work to smile at him.

           Markus smiled back. “Of course.”

           Fantasia scooted over and moved her bag to the floor to make room for him. She patted the newly opened space, which Markus gladly filled. When he was seated on the table comfortably, Markus switched between watching Fantasia draw and watching Carl paint, almost as though he was studying.

           “What do you think?” Fantasia tilted her sketchbook Markus’s way to show him her semi-finished drawing.

           “I think it’s very life-like.”

           She hummed, “Mm, an easy answer. I’ll get an opinion out of you one day.”

           “Were you looking for another response?” Markus questioned lightly.

           A small huff left Fantasia’s chest. “No, Markus. It’s okay.” She smiled at him. “I think I’m gonna get some lunch. Carl?” She called across the studio, “I’m gonna make lunch, do you want anything?”

           Carl continued to paint as he replied, “No, I’m fine, help yourself.”

           “Awesome,” Fantasia hopped off the table and held her hand out toward Markus. “Do you want to come?”

           “If you’d like.” Markus took Fantasia’s hand and neatly slid off the table before following her into the kitchen.

           When Fantasia got to the kitchen, she immediately turned to Markus and asked, “What do you think Carl would like to eat?”

           “He said he didn’t want anything.”

           “Yes,” she huffed, “But he always says he doesn’t want anything and then as soon as I bring food into the studio, he asks you to make him something. I’m just trying to take out the middle step.”

           “He does seem to have a pattern.” Markus replied. “What about a salad?”

           “That sounds great, Carl could use some vegetables in his life.” Fantasia went to the fridge and collected lettuce, peppers, a cucumber, and some other vegetables. “Do you have any chicken breast?”

           “Yes, second shelf from the top.”

           “Awesome,” Fantasia grabbed the package and handed it to Markus. “Will you cook a couple up while I cut veggies?”

           “Of course.”

           The two had lunch put together in 20 minutes, and Fantasia put it out on the table while Markus went to collect Carl.

           “I said I wasn’t hungry,” He said, rolling up to the table. “But that does smell pretty good.”

           Fantasia smiled. “I figured you’d say that, that’s why we made enough for two to begin with. Here.” She placed his salad in front of him on the table.

           “Aww,” Carl said with disdain. “I smelled chicken, I thought it was all chicken. This is not real person food, it’s for herbivores.”

           “Good thing you’re an omnivore and can eat both.” Fantasia picked up her utensils and stared at Carl from across the table. “Eat.”

October 13, 2037

12:27 P.M.

           As Fantasia walked into the station, she was greeted by the call of her name.

           “Tasia!” Gavin jogged over to her and snatched the paper bag from her hands and kissed her on the cheek before plopping down at his desk. “Finally, I’m starving.”

           She sat down in her usual chair. “You’re super affectionate today, are you dying?” Fantasia said it between bites of fries.

           “Fuck you, I’m in a good mood.”

           She nodded, “Ah, there you are. What’s up?”

           “I made a big arrest today, for your information,” He laced the second half of his statement with attitude. “We’ve been looking for this guy for months,” Gavin continued to talk around mouthfuls of food, “And I got him today, cause I’m the fucking best.”

           “Uh huh.” Fantasia gestured with sarcastic curiosity, “So were you the only police officer at the scene, or did you have other people there?”

           “There were others.”

           “Uh huh, and did you do all the work by yourself while they just stood around, or were they all involved?”

           Gavin narrowed his eyes. “The second one…”

           “Uh huh, so did Gavin Reed get him or did the DPD get him. Together.”

           The pleasant expression on Gavin’s face melted. “You’re a soul-sucking terrorist. You know that?”

           “Chris, I fixed him!” Fantasia called out across the station.

           “Thank you!” Came back from the general direction of the break room.

           Gavin’s eyes went wide, “What was that?”

           Fantasia replied nonchalantly, “Chris texted me while I was on my way over. He said you were being scary. I fixed it.”

           “I hate you.”

           “I am the only person you don’t genuinely despise on some level or another, and I brought you food, so you have to be nice to me.”

           He grumbled to himself and silently ate his food with his normal, grumpy disposition until Fantasia got out her sketchbook.

           “What are you drawing.”

           “You’re talking with your mouth full, and it’s disgusting.”

           “Sorry m’lady.” Gavin dramatically attempted to swallow the entire mouthful of food and almost choked before trying to pretend nothing happened and asked again, “What’re you drawing.”

           She looked at him, perplexed. “Do you regret that? Do you regret what you just did, or do you stand by that?”

           “Yes.” His voice was strained as he coughed and reached for his drink.

           Fantasia nodded slowly with an affirmative hum before answering Gavin’s question. “I’m drawing you with a smile on your face. It’s so rare, I figured I’d capture it forever. Ya know, ‘make a picture, it’ll last longer’ and all that.”

           “That is not how the saying goes.”

           “Do I look like I give a fuck?”

           “Ouch, the Clever Comeback Queen has struck again, let’s hear it folks.”

           Fantasia rolled her eyes. “What else do you have going on today?”

           “Paperwork.”

           “Ah yes, saving the world and filling out paperwork. Real heroes don’t wear capes, they wear dirty leather jackets and listen to shitty music.”

           “Hey,” Gavin pointed accusingly at her, “You stay off my music. Carry on My Wayward Son is a classic.”

           She scoffed, “Yeah maybe, but its but its older than Hank and you act like it’s the last good song ever released.”

           “Cause it is.”

           “No. Look me in the eyes,” She pointed at her own face with two fingers. “I listen to you blast all kinds of terrible music from when you were in middle school and high school that is way different than Kansas, and I am willing to put money down that the only reason you’ve ever even heard of that song is cause of that show you used to watch cause you thought it would make you cool.”

           Gavin’s face crunched, trying to formulate a response, but he caved, “I got nothin.”

           “Yeah.”

           “You free this weekend, or do you have super special painting practice?”

           “I’m free, I think,” Fantasia stated as she started cleaning up their lunch. “Carl has some fancy charity auction thingy that I’m not allowed to go to.” She shrugged.

           “Why not?”

           “Oh, ya know, big names only, they have a reputation to keep up.”

           “So, you’re not even allowed to go?”

           “Nope.”

           “That’s dumb.”

           “Agreed. You wanna go out instead?”

           “Depends,” Gavin considered.

           “On?”

           “Are you gonna be pissy the whole time about how you didn’t get to go to the auction thing?”

           “What? No. It’s literally a bunch of old dudes in a room talking about ‘strokes’ all night and pretending they aren’t talking about their dicks. I am totally fine not being the only female in that room.”

           “Awesome, then I’ll see you later? I gotta get back to work.” Gavin gestured widely to his mostly empty desk.

           “Yeah, you have fun with all that. I’ll shoot you a text when I pick a place.”

           “It better not be some shitty line-dancing bar again.” He called out as Fantasia started to walk away.

           “If you actually cared you wouldn’t make me choose every time.” She shot finger guns at him before she turned to leave.

November 2, 2037

6:09 P.M.

           “So, dad, what’s for dinner?” Leo walked into the dining room where Fantasia and Markus were serving dinner.

           Fantasia’s smile dropped as soon as she saw Leo’s face.

           “Oh, hey Tay, wasn’t expecting to see you here. Are you on the menu tonight?”

           The resulting scowl and glare that Fantasia produced could have pierced most people’s skin, but Leo didn’t back down. “Nobody calls me Tay,” She seethed.

           “Exactly! So, I’m unique!” He smiled a shit-eating grin.

           “So, you can call me Fantasia. Nothing else.”

           “Oh ouch,” He turned to Markus, “That bitch is almost as cold as your insides tonight, huh?”

           “Leo,” Carl interrupted, “That’s enough. What do you want?”

           “Well food for starters, if you’re offering.”

           Carl made no gesture to offer the things his son demanded. “Why did you come here, Leo?”

           “What, I can’t just come over to hang out with my pops?”

           “You never have before,” Fantasia spat.

           Leo turned on her, “I’m sorry, who were you again? This is my dad, not yours, little orphan girl.”

           “I said enough,” Carl restated sternly. “No more games, Leo. Why are you here?”

           “I need money.”

           Carl looked confused, “I thought you said you got a job.”

           “Yeah, well it fell through and now I need money for rent.”

           “What do you mean it ‘fell through?’”

           “They found out about the ice, does it matter?” Leo’s agitation covered his face.

           A sigh left Carl’s chest, “How much do you need?”

           “A thousand dollars.”

           “Fine.”

           “Thanks, dad, I knew I could count on you.” Leo made a pointed glance toward Fantasia before he spoke again. “I’m glad the help is keeping you good company while I’m away.”

           “I’m not-” Fantasia started but dropped it when she saw Carl’s face. He was already upset, and she didn’t want to make it worse for him.

           “Was that all you needed?” Carl asked hopefully.

           “Yeah,” Leo started back out toward the door. “I can’t stick around. I got places to be.”

           “Oh.”

           “I’ll see you around pops,” Were Leo’s last words before the door closed behind him.

           Fantasia immediately turned to Carl and asked, “Are you okay?”

           He took a deep breath before replying, “I’m fine. What did you two make for dinner?” The smile on his face was forced.

           Markus chimed in, “Alfredo that Fantasia insisted we ‘wing.’”

           “I just didn’t want it to be something from a cookbook you have memorized! I wanted it to be fun!”

           Markus smiled. “It was fun.”

           “Then the mission was accomplished, can I eat now?” Carl reached for his plate.

           “Yeah, sorry.” Fantasia set the table the rest of the way and sat down across from Carl to dig into her food.

           The two ate in relative quiet with only the sounds of the dishes being washed as background noise.

[freshlyjuicedbeetles]

Under Her Wing - Drakgo fic

Shego is instructed by Dr. Director to teach Kim a thing or two. Set after Graduation but in 2019 verse. 

TAG LIST (based on who interacted with my tag list post. If you were added by mistake or not added at all, please let me know!)

@sweet-or-sarcastic // @anavrp // @sophiecooper18 // @random-emerald-thoughts // @benjimators // @marvelousavengfulslytherin // @littlevirago // @evielovesfood // @dianenguyenbjh // @brianaisontheinterwebs // @saultnpeppah // @poisonivy123

Shego sat bored with her legs kicked up on the lab table as she watched her husband meticulously extract DNA from the toe of a Spinosaurus. For what he was going to use it for, she wasn’t entirely sure. She was just there to make sure he didn’t blow himself up. She was just his bodyguard/sidekick/liaison/mostly unwilling secretary, not his science partner. This was a guy who looked up to Doc Brown rather than Hawking.

Her phone buzzed in the pouch strapped to her leg. Things were slow that day, so she decided to take a peek. It was an email from Facebook saying she had a message on her old public profile, one she had not used since she was a hero with her brothers. Her curiosity piqued, she opened Facebook and signed out of her current, private account. She tapped the side of her phone as she tried to remember her old password.  After a few tries, she got in.

Her inbox with inundated with old and recent messages. She paid no attention to past messages from fans who were upset that she turned evil, edgelords who were threatened by a strong woman, and recent messages that praised her from turning her life around. The first message was just too shocking. It was from Kimberly Ann Possible. It read:

“Umm, hi Shego. This is Kim Possible. I don’t know if you even check this profile anymore. Dr. Director wanted me to get in contact with you, but she didn’t really tell me how lol. She wanted me to ask if you could do some training with me?”

“NO!” Shego yelled, standing straight up, her phone creaking in her grasp.

Drakken flinched, “You made me break the helix!” He whined.

“Dr. Director wants me to train Kim Possible.”

“Eww,” Drakken grimaced.

“I’m not doing this. I’m not some babysitter.” Shego exclaimed as she stormed off for Dr. Director’s office.

“Go get her, babe,” Drakken said, his mind more focused on his work.

Shego breezed past the security and barged into Director’s office, stunning the guards with her plasma. The burly men crumpled to the floor in a twitching heap.

“Ah, Mrs. Lipsky, I was wondering when you’d force yourself in here again and maim Ethan and Reid.” Director replied calmly, only glancing up at the scene “Was it last week you came in here like a bull in a china shop because we switched your husband’s lab time or was it the time before that?”

“I am not working with Kim Possible.” Shego seethed, leaning over Director’s desk and staring straight at the other woman. Director did not look up from her paperwork. Shego slammed her hands down, causing a hairline crack to form between the women.

“Did I ask?” Dr. Director countered.

Shego scoffed. “You know, this isn’t working for me. I think I’m done here.” She said as she threw her ID badge on Director’s desk and turned to walk out.

“So, you’ll give up all the comfort we’ve given you and your husband? Your home, your records totally expunged, his lab and all the resources he could ever want or need? You two are a ‘package deal’ as I believe your very own agreement states? If you leave, so does he.”

Shego stopped in her tracks.

She wouldn’t take that away from Drew. Not when he was getting the recognition he always wanted.

She turned on her heel. “I’m only staying because I haven’t gotten to use the bazooka yet.” She said through gritted teeth, pointing menacingly at Director.

“She’ll be on your doorstep at 8:15 tomorrow morning.” Dr. Director said as she threw Shego her ID badge to her.

~*~

Kim Possible didn’t get nervous about many things. She took down villains before she could even vote without a trace of fear. Today, as she drove to the address Dr. Director gave her last night, Kim Possible was nervous.

Secretly, Kim idolized Shego when she was younger. She remembered seeing Shego and her brothers on TV and followed her dutifully on what little social media existed back then. When Shego left Team Go, Kim was heartbroken, and her stomach dropped the first time she saw Shego working with Drakken. When Team Go broke up, Kim decided to take up Shego’s mantle when the opportunity presented itself. Now that Drakken and Shego went good or more likely, neutral, maybe she and Shego could be friends in the future? Kim still couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that she was going to be trained by Shego because it was Shego the hero Kim looked up to for many years and it was Shego her sworn enemy at one point.

Regardless of it all, Kim knew today would be interesting.

~*~

Meanwhile, Drakken took sleeping seriously. It’s where he got most of his ideas. When the doorbell rang at 8:00, he was not a happy camper. He groaned like a wounded animal, not even noticing Shego’s absence in bed. He haphazardly threw on a robe and stumbled down the stairs and opened the front door.

“I’ll take three Thin Mints, two Samoas and three Tagalongs,” Drakken said, yawning, handing what he thought was a fifty-dollar bill. It was really dog treats and lint.

“Um, no,” Kim said sheepishly, gently pushing his hand away. “It’s Kim…Possible? I’m here for Shego…”

Shego came down the stairs in her signature green and black catsuit.

“That’s what you’re wearing?” Shego asked, eyeing the teen up and down.

“Yeah? We’re gonna work out, right?” Kim was dressed in a tee shirt, leggings and sneakers, her red hair pulled back from her face.

Shego sighed and shook her head, “Fine, it’s whatever. Next time, wear what you’d wear on a mission. If it’s gonna be in the way, we need to know. It has to be able to perform.” She chided.

Kim felt silly for making the mistake. Shego even used her ‘teacher tone’ on her from when she substituted for Kim’s teacher. “Okay. Will do.”

Shego physically moved her half-asleep husband out of the way. “Well? Let’s go. I don’t want this to be an all-day thing.”

“Oh, uh, can I drive?” Kim asked, beaming.

A beat passed of Shego just staring at Kim in disbelief.

Shego turned to Drakken, “I want to be cremated.”

“I want Thin Mints.” The mad scientist lamented as the women walked to the car parked at the curb.

Janice was gawking at Shego as though she never saw a female body before. Shego gave a sarcastic wave.

“Who’s that?” Kim asked as they put their seatbelts on.

“The worst neighbor in the world,” Shego replied, putting sunglasses on. She flashed Janice a killer smile as they pulled out of the neighborhood.

It had already been decided for them that they would train at GJ’s onsite gym. Shego started Kim on stretches and a five-minute run, correcting her form here and there alongside her. Shego knew it was likely that Director was watching but it didn’t bother her. She was doing what she was supposed to do.

The timer on Shego’s phone went off and they slowed to a walk. She went over to a wall of equipment and took a padded strike shield and held it up.

“Let me see you punch,” Shego instructed.

Kim squared herself and threw her best one.

“No! No! No!” Shego exclaimed like a director with a cast who forgot their lines. “Who taught you to fight, your grandma?”

Kim didn’t know whether to confirm that her grandmother had indeed taught her a thing or two.

“Harder, you’re not going to hurt me,” Shego instructed. Kim wasn’t sure if she was trying to comfort or insult her.

For a period of time, Shego refined Kim’s punches and kicks.

“Now, I want you to try to take me down and restrain me.”

Kim charged at Shego, tackling the older woman to the floor. Shego knew that she had to let Kim learn, but that didn’t mean she went down easily. She was able to shake Kim off and roll away. Shego stood, about to jump away, when Kim got her in a headlock.

“Tuck your thumb in you idiot!” Shego said grabbing Kim’s four other fingers by one hand and Kim’s thumb with the other. “Do you know how easily I could rip your thumb off?”

Shego shrugged Kim off. “Again.” She ordered.

Shego let Kim get her into a headlock, this time with proper placement. They wrestled and tackled each other until Kim grabbed Shego’s hair, thinking she’d instantly surrender. Instead, Shego pushed back into Kim’s grasp, rather than wrench away.  Kim stumbled allowing Shego to escape.

“I will give you props for going for my hair.” Shego said, “I should probably start putting it in a bun. If anyone tries it with you, do what I did and push into it. You’ll knock your opponent off balance usually or lose hair if you try to pull away.”

“Right,” Kim nodded.

Kim was about to ask Shego if she wanted some water, “Hey Stepha-“

Shego immediately tackled Kim to the ground. “Do not call me that. I’m still Shego to you.”

“Okay, fine,” Kim replied, pushing Shego away.

Kim grabbed them each a bottle of water. The two sat in awkward silence on the mat.

“Who taught you all this stuff? Did you just learn on the go?” Kim asked.

“I’ve had a trainer since I was 16,” Shego answered, taking a drink.

That made sense, Kim thought. Around that time was when Team Go debuted. They must have had some training before their first mission.

Shego stood and went to get the First Aid pack and CPR dummy from the equipment wall.

“Are you going to teach me CPR?” Kim asked excitedly.

“You don’t know First Aid and CPR?” Shego asked skeptically.

“No…” Kim said, her face red with embarrassment.

“Oh my god, you’re more behind than I even thought. Do you just leave after you blow up someone’s lair? What about the populace surrounding it? What happens if you have to do search and rescue after a natural disaster? You’re a hero. You should know this stuff. It’s not all stopping heists and whatnot.”

“I’ve never done anything like that…”

“I have!”

Kim was beginning to get a greater understanding of Shego. What kind of things has she seen? Kim wasn’t going to pry and knew Shego wouldn’t tell her anything if she tried. Kim remembered that Team Go doubled as first responders at times. Kim had a vivid memory of seeing Shego being airlifted over the wreckage of a collapsed building to look for survivors on the news, her green and black feet dangling over the rubble. Shego couldn’t have been older than 17 at the time. Who pushed her into such a traumatizing and adult situation?

“Look, let’s forget about the past for right now or we won’t survive this. Truce?” Kim asked.

Shego only nodded but took Kim’s hand and pulled her up.

Kim smiled and took Shego’s leather-clad hand. It was a start; a small start, but a start nonetheless.

“Do you know how to properly headbutt someone?” Shego grinned, wickedly.

[emoselenas]

woodland creatures tour - day 7 (greensboro)

normally i feel very weird about sleeping over people’s houses, just in general??? you know what i mean? sometimes you just can’t get comfortable because you’re not in your own bed, not because of where you are or who you’re with. on tour i’m so fucking exhausted and so comfortable with living like i’m a backpacker that it’s all just normal to me. like a brat i located the couch and crawled up onto it while everyone else took an air mattress. i would have slept on an air mattress but we couldn’t fit one lmao. 

i automatically woke up at like 8:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep, so i got up and started getting ready. tour has also made me skilled at being able to freshen up and do my makeup in the crevice of any house, hotel, car, you name it. i try not to make noise but inevitably everyone heard me and slowly woke up one by one. the door was unlocked so i started to pack whatever i could into the van. god, it was so beautiful out. though we were in the south, and the temperature was still pretty high day-to-day, at this moment it just felt like the most beautiful fall weather. we managed to get out of the house at 9:30 am, which we were aiming for. james’ roommate, who was leaving for work, kindly wished us well as we packed up the van to head out. we unfortunately missed james so i shot him a text. 

the day before, taylor and i coordinated a group outing to the greensboro science center, which was a museum, zoo and aquarium all in one. for the price of $12 per person, since we were a group!!! incredible! before heading to greensboro, which would be our shortest drive all of tour (an hour and a half!), we hit starbucks and panera again. when we pulled up to the panera it was in a shopping plaza with people lined up waiting for like... verizon to open???? so bizarre. 

i desperately needed to hunker down and get some work done before we hit the road, for the most part my phone was providing reliable wifi but i had a time sensitive task that needed to be completed. once that was done we hit the road. we arrived to the science center and once pulses. showed up, we headed in. the science center was so sick. we started our trek around the building at like 1, and penguin feeding was at 3:30. but with so much exploring to do, we knew we’d be able to kill two hours and a half easily. 

we started with the zoo portion a

nd saw a lot of cool animals. they had a lot of atypical mammals you don’t always see at zoos. what they DID have was R E D  P A N D A S, and theY WERE AWAKE. back at home we have the cape may zoo which is soooooo sick, i love going there, but their red pandas are always sleeping. i literally cried because the red pandas at this exhibit were so much closer, and they were romping around their lil home. the one red panda hopped off its perch and CAME TO THE WINDOW TO SAY HELLO IT JUMPED UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. i definitely made a fool of myself getting loudly emotional but i didn’t care in the slightest. my entire life was made. we also saw an owl at the barn where the petting zoo was!!!

we were all laughing so fucking hard cracking jokes at every exhibit. it felt like an adult school field trip hahaha. i was having so much fun. it was nice to enjoy something together and not be stuck in a van in a rush to get somewhere. the outdoor area tuckered us out pretty badly from being in the heat, so it was nice to get back inside to go check out the aquarium in the air-conditioned building. the aquarium was pretty sick, there was a tank that was home to the biggest octopus i have ever seen in person. i was most interested in the otters and penguins, to be honest. we also hit the touch tank which was sick, except i had to soak my entire fucking arm just to maybe get a crumb of attention from a sting ray. they were swimming everywhere but where i planted myself. 

after going through the aquarium, we still had some time to kill before the penguin feeding at 3:30 pm. we hit the gift shop, where they had red panda and barn owl plushes. what a coincidence, both our tour mascots!! i’m a sucker for stuffed animals so of course i bought one. taylor bought an owl for pulses. so now we both had FRIENDS to represent our bands. we went downstairs to go check out the snakes and lizards. not as exciting for me, but still sick. we were going to hit the museum part finally, but it was 3:20 so we figured might as well head over to the penguins. it was worth the wait. there was a penguin named gojira haha

it turned out that there was enough time for us to get food together before the show. jaime found a restaurant named pastabilities, it was a sit-down but you could make your own pasta dish chipotle-style???? so i got chickpea pasta with chicken, sundried tomatoes, spinach and mushrooms. sooooooooooooooooooo good. i wasn’t going to get pasta because i was going to try to be a healthy guy but ugh what the fuck ever. i love pasta. i’m not going to rob myself of pasta opportunities!!!! we had another really wonderful meal together as a tour package. i guess because we were the biggest group and you could hear us talking loudly about tour the staff figured out we were musicians. the manager came over and started asking who played what haha. 

after a delicious early dinner, we drove to our hotel for check-in so that we could drop our personal bags. pulses. followed us because they were just driving home after the show later, and waited in the parking lot until they could head to the venue. i forget the name of the hotel we stayed at but the people in there were super suspect, and projecting those vibes FOR sure. taylor said she thinks she saw a guy walking around with a burner phone as a car was slowly driving in circles around the parking lot. i’m like great, last thing we need is another scary motel. our stuff ended up being fine though, it was one of the better spots we stayed at. 

pulses. awaited us at the venue and we arrived a little after load-in started. it was super quiet when we showed up, we set up quickly and waited around. the house we played, ice house, was huge. so much more massive than houses in new brunswick where students in jersey host shows, mostly. there was so much room to move around and sit, it was nice. at first it seemed like not many people were inside, but then you go outside and there’s DOZENS of kids hanging out drinking. eventually more and more people came inside to watch the bands too. glow and terms x conditions were great! 

for all of us, it had been a weird afternoon, but we did our best to be positive and just rip our set(s) as best as we could. and the change in attitude paid off! both our bands received awesome crowd response from the people who attended. it was awesome to see people jamming out and genuinely having a good time. also uh a fight broke out during our set??? insane. there was a kid trying to take down everyone, like just to the ground lmao, and when he tried to do it to david he put in a chokehold. and david grabbed his arm and was just like, STOP. i made everyone stop playing until we sorted out that everything was all right. i had to play without my in-ears which sucked, in the past i have always struggled and tired myself out trying to sing loud enough over the monitors. so i just tried to listen carefully, sing carefully and trust myself. and joe said i hit some like bananas note during synapse that i haven’t been able to do since?? i remember going for it and it was fine, idk maybe it was actually BAD, but i will never know now haha. 

we didn’t sell merch, nor make a lot of money, but i think what counts as a successful show is when people receive you super well. leaving a positive first impression on somebody as a band is so important to me because that person could potentially go on to listen to us for a long time. i will say though, it’s important to try to help touring bands make money if you can, like legit anything. i know we’re small guys and we’re not worth much, but we travel so far from home. and this is the ONE time of year that we actually do need money to operate. i’ve run into people who don’t believe in this, or don’t understand. i guess it won’t be possible to make those people understand until it happens to them. it’s why we can only tour on vacation time and even then we deplete our funds. 

we sweat our fucking asses off playing the house because it had no AC, so nothing could feel more refreshing than loading out during a rainstorm. i wasn’t even mad that it was raining. it felt so amazing. normally i bug out during crazy storms, but the thunderstorm was lighting up the sky in an incredible display. it continued as we said our goodbyes to pulses. before they headed back to virginia late, and we made our way to sheetz for post-gig eats. i wasn’t going to pig out but i was feeling the munchies. sheetz doesn’t really have anything wawa doesn’t have except for the tacos, so i got some hard shell tacos that were absolutely banging. also wonderful, they had my favorite flavor of bon & viv (black cherry rosemary) so i grabbed that too. eating tacos and drinking late was NOT a smart move the night before we played our last show on tour, but boy did it feel like a nice TREAT after playing a fantastic show. 

[mywanderlust02-blog]

My Solo trek to valley of skeletons (Roopkund Trek)

Hi guys, This is my first blog about my trekking journey as a solo traveler on a really interesting trek known as Roopkund trek, also famous as valley of skeletons.

It was April 2018 when I thought of going on a trek alone. Although I had already done some treks in Himachal Pradesh and Uttarakhand but every time I was accompanied with a group. But this time I decided to go alone because I had only 5 days for this 8-9 day trek (including travelling) and also because no one was ready to go at that time :p. So. I decided to go alone and told my family that I am going with a bunch of friends.

I could have booked any package for this trek but I had money and time constraints, so I skipped this, did a lot of research regarding the route, trek distance, meals etc. I purchased a good 2 people tent and a sleeping bag, though I forgot to purchase sleeping mat, but I was able to manage that with the help of a local shop owner during the trek.

I had already made bus bookings from Delhi to Kathgodam (14th May, night) and back (19th May, night). I borrowed a rug sack from my cousin and started my journey on 14th May 2018 at around 10 PM.

DAY 1 : 

I reached kathgodam next morning at around 6 AM had some bananas(as no other shops were open). It started raining and I was wishing that it stops in an hour or so, as I had to travel 250 km more to reach Lohajung (Trek start point). The rain stopped in a while and meanwhile I asked the locals about how to reach my destination, on which they replied that I should go to the railway station and ask the cab drivers there. So, I went straight to the railway station and started asking the drivers for the journey, but to my disappointment they were charging Rs. 5000 for the journey,  as they were not ready for sharing cab and would only give personal cab.

So, I waited more and luckily I found one shared cab which was going till Almora and it costed me just Rs. 50. Then to reach Lohajung, I had to change 3 more shared cabs (Almora - Garur - Gwaldam - Dewal - Lohajung) and after a long journey of 8-9 hours, I reached Lohajung (which is a small village and starting point of Roopkund trek) at a cost of around Rs. 250. I rented a room for Rs. 200 for a night, ate there and asked the shop owner for the trek route. I thought of taking a guide with me but the guide tole me that he will take around Rs. 5K for this, so I chucked this plan and decided to find my way on my own. It started raining later at night but soon the sky was clear and I was ready to start my trek the next day.

DAY 2 :

I started my trek at around 6 AM. The trail was very clear and a proper path was visible so trekkers can go on this route very easily. There were few villages at the starting of trek but after half an hour, only the jungle area was there. This day was going to be very hectic for me as I had to cover 23 km to reach a point know  as Bedni Bugyal, where I would set up my camp.

After trekking 9 km for around 3.5 hours, I reached a point, also known as padav in local language, called Didna village. This was a really quiet village and there were many houses but no one was living as they went down in this season. Only one shop was open, where I had some yummy maggie and filled up my water bottles. (Remember to take at least two 1 Liter water bottles with you and keep filling them with natural water from falls, on the way). After a rest of 45 minutes, I started the trek again. 

After travelling for an hour, I reached a plain surface where I received phone signals again (I lost them after an hour of starting trek) and I video called my mom. I started again and found a natural water fall from where I filled my water bottles. The view were amazing and I was felling so alive and great instead of being along on most of the trek. 

After another hour, I reached a small shop where I found 2 locals. They asked me to stay there for the rest of the day as the distance was too long from there. But I had to keep moving because I had a very strict schedule. I kept moving and eating dry fruits (Cashew, Walnut) time to time gave me energy. There were water sources after every 1-2 hours so I was pretty much hydrated the whole time. At one moment, I encountered two ways and I had to decide which one to take. I followed my instincts and the path which had horse shit on it. 

After trekking for 2 more hours, I got frustrated and exhausted as I was reaching no where and there was no one to ask about the directions but I kept moving and moving, because I got scared of the thought that if I stay here then I will die here alone. :( Finally after trekking for half an hour more, I saw a shop at a far distance and I could not be more happy :). I stopped there just to rest for a while, clicked some pictures and then I continued to reach that shop.

I went to the shop and I confused it with some other point (Ali bugyal) that I wanted to reach, but Ali bugyal was actually 7 km away from that point. I rested there, ate egg bhurji and filled up my bottles. Then I started the trek. I was really feeling the pressure in my stomach and I had to shit really bad, so I started digging a pit (but failed), then I did it anyway and covered it with a stone. (clever me :p). 

After trekking for another 45 minutes, I reached Ali bugyal which was very beautiful and the grass was very soft there. I found some group members there and chatted with then for a while, they were school boys from Mumbai and they clicked pictures with me as they thought that I am very strong to come on this trek alone ;). I moved past all groups and stopped at a maggie point, ate maggie and choclates to gain energy. After resting for half an hour, I started for my final journey of the day to reach bedni bugyal. I reached there at around 5 PM and went to a shop to setup my camp near it. The shop owner was pretty surprised to know that I traveled 23 km that day and that too alone to reach there, he praised me. There were a lot of camps already set up there by various trekking organisations (they all had their own place reserved). The shop owner helped me in setting up my tent on a plain surface and I loved the  view from my tent.

I had some chat with some fellow trekkers and one of them told me that they went up the previous day and stayed there. The whether gone bad along with rain and hailstorm which also kind of destroyed their tents and the toilet tents flew away due to strong wind. So, I decided that I will go to the top next morning and return back to bedni bugyal and stay here only. For dinner, the shop owner arranged Non veg food for me and it was delicious, he also provide me the sleeping mat for Rs, 30 a night. The locals there were so polite and helpful with everything. I slept early that day because I had  to wake up early the next day to start the trek.

DAY 3 : 

I woke up at 5:30 AM, left my tent at 6:15 AM and started my trek to reach the second last point (just below roopkund lake) known as Baguabasa. The trek was around 7 km long and there were few maggie points in between. I was packed from toe to head with many layers of thermals. 

The wind intensity was very high that day and it was really cold too, due to which I was finding it really difficult to walk even. But I thought about my destination and the beauty that I was about to encounter and somehow got the motivation to keep moving. After trekking for around 2.5 hours, there was a camp site where I saw various camps and groups. I stayed there for a while and had my breakfast. After that I moved with a group for a while and then crossed them to move further. The scenic beauty was taking over my mind and for once I even thought of setting there :p. I could see snow capped mountains around me but they were still far and I just wanted to reach there and touch the snow. Soon, I reached a point where the snow patches were below my feet, WHAT AN AMAZING VIEW :)

I rested there for a while and then started the trek further. After trekking for around 1 hours, I reached a small Ganesh temple from which Bagubasa was only 30 min. trek. I also encountered snowfall at that point. There were many people, mostly groups and couples, who were clicking pictures and chilling. I guess I was the only one who went along there :p. I clicked some pictures and stayed there for a few moments just to rest and enjoy that moment. Travelling alone has some good perks, firstly you don’t have to depend on anyone and can move according to you own pace. Secondly, you can rest at any point for how much long you want.

This was the temple:

After 15 minutes of rest and Anda bhurji there, I started trek. After a while I came to a point where I could not believe my eyes because I could only see snow all around and not a single person. That moment I realized that taking this journey alone was worth the risk. I captured some scenes and sat there, played with snow for a while :).

I created a video just to capture the view around me:

On that route, I encountered some people who were returning from Baguabasa. We waved at each other and did a little talking. They were also surprised by the fact of me being trekking alone. Its good to get appraisal from strangers, sometimes.

The snow was around 1 feet on this route and my feet went into it many times. Fortunately I was wearing gaiters which protected my feet and prevented snow to get into my shoes. Although I did slip few times. Then after 45 minutes, I reached the camp site Baguabasa. There were few tents setup there and one maggie point as well. The rates of maggie, egg dishes, chocolates etc. are pretty high at high altitudes. 

Baguabasa : 

After reaching baguabasa, I went to the maggie point and ate some more egg Bhurji with bun (the bun was sweet and I thought that it would be normal bread). At the shop, I met some people belonging to a single group. They went up towards roopkund lake but could not reach it and came back. The shop owner told me that reaching roopkund at this time was very difficult as the weather was not good. He also gave me an offer of taking me to roopkund at around 4 AM the next morning, but for that I would have to stay at baguabasa for that night. As I was on a strict schedule and also didn’t have enough money to pay them, I decided to chuck that plan and move alone towards the lake, till the point I could reach. So, I started and trekked for another 15 minutes and stopped. I could not see any trail there and the weather was also degrading. So, I stayed there for a while, clicked some pictures and came back to the shop.

View from Baguabasa: 

After staying there for an hour, I started my trek back to bedni bugyal. I was about to reach camp site of bedni and just then I realized that I can not walk further as I was feeling dizziness and headache. I could see my camp but was unable to reach there. So, I sat down there and took a half hour nap on the ground itself. I somehow reached my camp at around 5 PM and took a medicine (Diamox) for preventing AMS (Acute Mountain Sickness). Then I slept as I was feeling very sick. At the time of dinner, the maggie point owner there woke me up and served me with delicious Veg food (Veg meal - Rs. 100 and Non Veg meal - Rs. 150). After that, I spent some time in the tent looking into the sky, gazing the million stars. Then I slept, I had to trek down the next day.

DAY 4:

I woke up not too early, around 7 AM, has breakfast and sat down near the shop. I talked to the shop owner for the route to reach down. He told me the route and also told me that he will ask a group guide to take me with them on the route. Soon, the group came to bedni from baguabasa and after resting for an hour we started our descend down. I made some friends from that group which made the trek much easier and I had no motivation to trek down.

We reached down in around 4-5 hours and from where the group went to Lohajung in their booked cabs. As I was alone and there was no space in their cabs, so I waited there for a while and then a local mini truck driver gave me lift to Lohajung and charged mere Rs. 100 for it. I reached Lohajung in 2 hours and rented a room there. I sat with some locals and had a  good time for a while, got stoned and finally went to my room to sleep.

DAY 5:

On this day I had to say goodbye to this beautiful village Lohajung. Trust me, I never wanted to leave but I had to because that’s how life works. We have to get back to where we belong. So, I talked to a cab driver and asked him for the journey from Lohajung to Kathgodam. it cost me Rs. 800 to reach Kathgodam in around 8 hours. I chatted with two fellow trekkers In the cab which made the route short and easy for all of us. After reaching Kathgodam, all three of us went to a restaurant to eat any food apart from egg and Maggie and drank beer. Then I had my bus at around 10 PM and both of them had train to Delhi. I bid adieu to them and went to the boarding point to wait for the bus and finally left the place and reached Delhi the next morning. 

On this trip I learnt a lot about myself, my will power, my stamina, doing deep thinking, talking to strangers, making new friends in a short time, living just on Maggie, Egg and water, enjoy my own company etc. I will remember this trip my whole life.

[funkywerks]

New York Pity

I'll never forget the day they sent me to New York City. It looked gorgeous from the window of the jet. It was the afternoon of June 15th 2016; the sunset hit the Empire State Building in a perfect orange and golden glow. That day was the start of my biggest accomplishment to date. I went to flight attendant training for 7 weeks in Dallas, Texas. I was hoping to get as far away from the east coast as possible; I was going to be Miley and hop of the plane at LAX with my dream and my cardigan. of course we’re talking about Los Angeles. My instructor was so pleased to announce that I was going to New York City that it made me sick. I was no longer miley ? But I still wanted to party ? I wanted my instructor to think I was happy too- so I faked a little celebration and started brainstorming how I was going to work this into my 5 year plan! I am the queen of the bright side and I can run a beer pong table like a pro. I could fit in anywhere ? Right ?

-I was almost excited.

I had no home, no money, and no clue. I was still excited to start my dream life. Optimism has always been my strong suit and I was going to need every bit of it to survive this experience. My family was very supportive and would help me out sometimes by buying my Uber to work ( a huge luxury in New York . I want you to imagine Uber but expensive and then more expensive than you thought ) or sending me care packages when I was homesick. But I never wanted to take money from them. I took out $1000 loan from the bank before my first paycheck and made it work. I had 1000 dollars in my bank account and was 1000 miles from home. I never in a million years wanted to end up in New York City, but I did.

The Crash Pad

I saw the pictures of the rooftops and the parties and the luxury apartments; but I found myself looking at the empty walls of a flight attendant crash pad in Queens, New york. It was just that to me : Empty. A world famous city full of people, and I couldn't find a familiar face, place or feeling. My Gossip Girl dreams died in less than a month. Crash Pads are in between houses for commuter flight attendants, It’s basically a dorm room. I tried to make the best of the rickety old bunk bed and the shared living spaces- but I didn't make a single friend or memory there. It's a great resource that I am very thankful for, but in no way a home. I paid 200 dollars a month to live in an illegal housing operation next to Laguardia Airport for 4 months.

The First Floor

Everything in New York is expensive and time consuming: the people, transportation, housing and even the fun. It requires more effort than I had ever given anything in my whole life. I remember getting on the subway after work one day and publicly bursting into tears after realizing I was going in the wrong direction. At least “New York City is one of the only places you can cry in public without being bothered” (Taken from @jcally’s Brilliant Twitter feed) Let a girl have her mental breakdown in peace every once in awhile! I started to collect a few friends from work and started to build meaningful relationships with my surroundings. I graduated from a 1 bedroom with 6 people I didn't know, to a 1 bedroom with 4 people I barely knew. Astoria, Queens is one of the coolest neighborhoods in New York and one of the most under appreciated. It’s just off to the right of the East river, above Long Island City and green point, Brooklyn. It was the perfect place to start growing as a person. Two people slept in the bed and two people slept on couches in the living room. My couch was cheap and uncomfortable BUT IT WAS BETTER than the crash pad. I needed comradery in my life, I was less miserable sleeping on that cheap couch than alone in my mind on the top bunk. When I was comfortable with my surroundings, I started to drown myself in what I do best = party and work. Two of the four girls left New York City ( for reasons stated above) and the remaining girl and I became very close friends. It was the first close friendship I had since moving to the City, and we traveled and laughed and partied. Progress was slow, but progress was happening. Life was better but far from perfect.

My biggest lesson this year was that living with roommates is just as hard as trying to make it in New York City. It is so easy to blame your roommates for any number of minor inconveniences in your life that most of the time people do. Don’t get it twisted, if you're annoyed and have not asked nicely: That is your problem. If you spread rumors or private information to others, you are just as bad as the minor inconvenience that started a feud in the first place. If you live together make it your personal responsibility to be on the same page with your roommate; or not. Pick your poison. I've been the annoying roommate and the annoyed roommate and it has no reflection of who I am as a person. My living situation is it healthiest when I let things go, understand others, and be a team player. Understanding each other with an open line of casual communication ( no hostility ) is more important than the mess they left in the living room after a drunken night out. Wake them up,ask them to clean up their mess and move on.

The first floor on 34th street was close to work and bars and food. I really loved that home with 1 bedroom and 4 people. It really meant something to me. As I’ve mentioned before I’m just about happy anywhere and material objects mean very little to me. I did my best to feel grateful for a safe place to sleep. Although mostly positive, I was busy in a way I’ve never been before and had pushed aside my mental health for just a little too long. During my year there I was dealing with the aftermath of my “big trauma” .

Everyone has a big trauma ,

it’s the event in a person's life that affects them in the most negative way. All traumas are important and often are never spoken about or never properly heard and processed. I never said I was dealing with it well; but any progress was just comforting enough to see the light at the end. I specifically felt hesitant to have close relationships with anyone. I held people at arms length and set them up to disappoint me. I was sure I was going to keep to myself and not let anyone in. ( if you know me you’re rolling your eyes, because I am the biggest personality you know ) its those people who believed my problems had value, they saved me. I had imposter syndrome for most of my first year, I didn’t think what I went through was bad enough to be important. I had enough people listen to me chatter away about my problems to me help me start healing in my own way. It can be very confusing to have it all and still be sad. I traveled non-stop and used every bit of youth I had to keep the party going. This was my dream life, almost. I paid $400 dollars a month to sleep on a couch in Astoria, Queens.

The Three Bedroom

Next we moved into a three bedroom on 47th street in Astoria, Queens . I was living with my remaining roommate, her new husband, and random roommate who reached out to us through a friend. Not ideal. But I had my own bedroom and I was proud. It was smaller than most suburban bathrooms; not an exaggeration. I had no room for anything more than a bed and a mirror. I had a dresser and place to hang my coats in a walkway across the hall. I thought that by having my own bedroom I could start to work on my mental health. I was going to create a safe space. It would have my film and my records and my shells from the beach back home. Unfortunately I didn’t think about how lonely it was going to be. My mental health was the worst living in the three bedroom with 4 people. I felt alone, I might be the only person on earth who truly loves to be around people all the time. So what did I do? I partied too much , I worked a lot and ignored that I was sad again. Are we noticing a trend? I’m super good at pretending I’m ok. I feel like I can’t remember a lot from that year, I don’t know if it’s because nothing happened or if too much happened. I wanted to be around people so badly that I started spending most of the days in coffee shops. I always wondered what project everyone was working on and what their coffee order was. I wanted to know why they had work off the afternoon of a weekday; what did they do for work? I imagined all the possibilities without speaking to a single soul. I wonder if anyone else was looking for someone to talk to too. This is New York, and people in New York hate small talk or anything that doesn’t make them money. I would even drink multiple lattes in one sitting just to buy time away. I started putting my smarts to use; I became an expert planner. I made budget spreadsheets, planned vacations, and set goals. I am still to this day fascinated with the logistics of travel. With a will there is always a way. I learned to prioritize my wants and needs and how to make everything happen for me. I was incredibly productive until my mac-book crashed and I had no money to replace it. Life happens, I thanked Mac for his 8 years of hard work and said my goodbyes. That's what that lady on Netflix said to do right ? I think it rings true that everything is always worse before it gets better. The following year I was to move back into a huge 2 bedroom with four amazing girls and it would be The best year yet. But then I would go on to live in a little apartment in Lower East Side Manhattan with an amazing view like I had fantasized that first day flying in. The year I lived in a three bedroom apartment with four people for $800 a month. Would be the last time “ New York sucks” would ever drop from my mouth.

I was coming up on almost 2 years living in New York. I was so happy at work and to this day love my job so much. it was my biggest reason to persevere when I had no other reasons. I had so many new friends going through the same struggle and working out their “ big trauma “. it was nice to look back and see progress. I found myself identifying as a New Yorker. I was a fast worker, walker and problem solver. I wanted to cut the bullshit, I didn’t want to make excuses, I wanted to make it happen. I don’t know how to explain how much I deeply hated New York at first and then did a miraculous 180; an Olympic figure skater would be proud. It was a place I felt most like an outsider (at first); and everyone I met there seemed to love it so much. I was jealous that I couldn’t love it the same. Then at that magical 2 year mark , everything began to fall into place. I always wondered what would have happened to me if I had gotten my transfer to Los Angeles in that 2 years. Would I be more socially relevant or have plastic surgery ? Who would my friends be? I finally had great friends, no drama, and plans. Lots of plans. Plans of travel and life goals and plans of mischief. Above all I had a purpose. There I said it. In the end New York City gave me a purpose. I started to form friends that weren’t even flight attendants and we started throwing the best parties and had so many events to attend they overlapped. Loving New York isn’t possible without hating New York. It’s awesome because it took all I had. In the famous words of American song writer “Jay-z” If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere”. After all this emotional turmoil I will have to eventually write about “ New York City” and drop the P. And how I couldn’t live without it. My biggest accomplishment to date was the day I removed my transfer request to Los Angeles.

[ecotone99]

[RF] On The Road

The radio is playing in the car as we cruise along the streets in this small city that I have spent most of my life in. My father is driving. I am seated besides him and looking out the window. I look at the people waiting at the bus station in the freezing winter weather. They move from one foot to another, shifting their weight in a kind of slow dance. Hands in their pockets. We pass some buses filled to the brim with souls. That bus is carrying life itself on its own, at the hands of another.

I don’t speak, neither does my dad. We just sit in silence and drive to the airport. As we get closer he tells me to call him when I’ll be back so that he can pick me up. As we arrive right in front of the airport, I thank him for the ride and get out. Open the rear door and take my luggage out. I tell him bye and go about my business. For once I feel a strange sense of relief. I am leaving this place even though for a few days. I just need to get out and I feel good about it. I walk inside the airport and head straight to the check in desk. A girl about my age I am guess, early twenties takes my passport and asks:

“Any more luggage?”

“That will be it, it’s a carry on.” I reply.

“Have a nice flight.” she says.

“Thank you. Bye.”

I take the ticket and make my way around the line of people that had formed in the meantime. I put the passport and ticket inside my jacket and I head outside to the smoking area. I have been smoking already for close to a year, mostly on and off. With a few days in between. Mostly when I am on the road. I join the people chit-chatting outside. I bought a new package for this occasion. I open the pack and struggle a bit to get the first cigarette out of the pack. I take the lighter I have found about a year ago on a plane. It’s been around for awhile. It’s blue and light. It does the job. It helps me light up my addiction. It serves a purpose. With both hands cupped around the cigarette I manage to light the cigarette. I take a puff and exhale. I am alone, very much so in that instance. I look at all those unfamiliar faces around me. It feels good to not be known, to be left on your own, to have that kind of freedom is beautiful.

Then a thought goes through my mind and alarms me. What if my father has not left, but is somewhere around. Perhaps I had forgotten something in the car so he parked it and went to look for me. Then I think he’d surely call if something like that should have happened. What if he just looks from a distance and catches a glimpse of me smoking. Like a kid I fear to be reprimanded in front of everyone else. How silly of me, and yet I often think how much I have censored of myself living under my parent’s roof. How much I have come to be controlled by the fear of what would they think if they saw me. Even though I was already an adult alright, an age where parents should have no more say in my life choices for it’s my life. And I often think of this bad habit I started — smoking. What for? Just another waste of money, a death sentence. Yes. Perhaps, I sometimes would like to give those that ask me the reason of me starting to smoke lays in the sadistic desire to advance my decay into the darkness.

I finished my cigarette and head back inside straight through security. One of the customs men asks me if I carry alcohol, cigarettes. I tell him just one pack for me. He nods and tells me to go on. I always find it funny the security part in airports. Taking all your belongings and putting them in that tray. Watch, phone, wallet, laptop, belt, liquids. Then you stand there and wait for the hand motion to give you the approval to walk through the gates of approval. I often just look at them and ask — “Can I?” They nod back and like those traffic policemen that orchestrate the cars, motioning towards them as if to say — come to me honey, come to me, right this way. You walk through that gate expecting something grandiose to happen. But there is no beeping so it’s all kind of anticlimactic. So you just stand there waiting to pick up your belongings and be on your way.

I have about one hour to kill before embarking. I take a sit and put my headphones on and listen to some music I have on my phone since who knows when. I haven’t updated that playlist in some time, but that’s alright. I look at some people as they pass me by. I check the parents with their infants in the strollers. Toddlers running around and parents chasing after them as if trying to catch a chicken that’s on the loose. All happening to the soundtrack of my choosing. I look at those little kids which are adorable and cute in a way. But which I also can never imagine having. That’s a big discussion in itself the topic of procreation I mean. I guess I just lack that innate desire to pass on my DNA. I find it pointless. A huge investment and at what expense as well.

Fast forward getting on the plane I take my seat and observe the chaos happening around me. People struggling to their seats, the blocked aisle. The stewardess from the middle of the cabin coming towards the back and raising her tone a bit. Motioning again for people to come through and to not block the aisle. The announcement made instructing to take our seats as soon as possible and to not block the aisle for the other boarding passengers. Then a mom with an infant takes the seat behind me. The kid is crying and is kicking my seat. In my mind I think of the three hours ahead that I have to endure. But it’s also late so I figure that kid is going to fall asleep shortly after take off. He does, my observations correct on that one. Once the seat belt sign is turned off I head to the lavatory and wash my hands and face. I get out and approach the stewardess with my order — 2 beers and Pringles chips. She is kind enough to serve me before the start of service.

I enjoy my beer in silence and think of nothing in particular. The girls pass with the service trolley and I check the behind of the one pushing it towards the middle of the cabin. She looks fine, firm as well. Her hips dancing from one side to another with each step she takes. We are close and we are also very far away from one another. I close my eyes for a moment. I can’t sleep on a plane. I shift in my chair then I stand up to loosen up a bit. For a moment I get back into my absurd rumination about the absurdity and pointlessness of life. I sketch a smile when I think of how each day has become so predictable. My life a faint touch of reality. How alienated and foreign existence seems and how abandoned I feel from it.

After we landed I head outside the airport towards the smoking area. I had booked a room in a hotel not faraway, but before making my way there I pause for a second. Take a cigarette out and join the others. I inhale and exhale, what a relief. How pleasant it feels. Being fully present in the moment, a meditation of sorts. I also find myself immersed in a new culture. Where nobody knows me and I know no one. I look at the girls with their Starbucks in one hand and a cigarette between their slender fingers. I watch them non-nonchalantly lifting the cigarette to their lips taking a drag. I check them out from my corner. After I am finished I lift the handle of my luggage and roll it behind me as I follow the sidewalk towards the hotel. There are some cars going by and my rolling baggage is filling the entire night with this obnoxious sound as it hits some gravel. But I don’t feel like lifting and carrying it. So I just continue making the noise. Dragging this screaming corpse behind me.

I arrive at the hotel. I tell the guy at the reception I have booked a room for the night. He asks me for the reservation number. I don’t have it with me. I show him my passport and ask — ”Will this do?”. He nods and checks me in. Then he writes the room number and hands me the key card. I take it and head towards the lifts. The room is at the end of the corridor. I walk straight and then make a left and then walk to the end.

I swipe the card and the door unlocks. I put my bag down and take the coat off. I turn on the TV and fill the kettle with some water. I make myself a cup of coffee and lay in bed. 8 hours left until my next flight. I browse the channels and I am in awe at the show that’s showing. Naked attraction’s the name. I can’t believe what I am seeing. Two women staring at the penises of 5 men which are lined up. Their bottom half only showing. I am literally watching these two women comparing the dick sizes of these men. Smaller, longer, thinner, thicker. The girl chooses the guy with a better looking dick. Sounds fun enough, welcome to the 21st century television. Then she undresses and shows her boobs and vagina. After they meet on a date and then some time they are interviewed regarding their dating experience. Big surprise — they have nothing in common and it was just a hook up, but nothing long term. I go in the shower and undress.

I look at myself in the mirror. Trying to see myself through the same lens. I look average. My body is alright. What I am packing is average. The abs I once had are a faint shadow at this point. I haven’t exercised in a long time, and yet I still look slim. I need to get a haircut. I push my hair up and make a silly face. I try on different smiles and think — so this is what others see when they look at me. The face I mean.

After I am done with the shower I go in bed and dim the lights. I put on the alarm clock and close my eyes. I muted the sound on the TV and leave it playing in the background. I think back of all the movements and flow of today. I feel bad about being so down and depressed most of the time. I try to picture myself living a normal life. Chasing that same normal life with a woman in it, a house, friends and travel. Instead I find myself mostly alone, sheltered from experiences that are happening out there. Scared of getting hurt, I lock the door behind me. Sometimes I lock it for good and I push people away. At this point it feels like all I know is how to just push people away. In another life perhaps if there is one, I’d be laying in this same bed with the woman I love. Unconditionally. Yet, this night I lay alone and drift to sleep in the hotel room number 263.

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[chelsealives-blog]

Photo by Gabriel Matula.

My mind is a machine (and yours is too).

My sewing machine started skipping stitches the other day. I have had issues with it a few times in the past and based on past experiences I already had a number of strategies to figure out the issue. I cleaned it, rethreaded, changed the needle, and several other things. After a few hours of going at it with the machine I realized that the timing was off. I googled how to fix the timing and was surprised by how simple the solution was. The process I took to fix my machine made me start to think about how machines have their own sets of rules and how on a healthy machine there is always a rule for how to solve each and every problem. I realized that my mind works the exact same way and that there is a direct natural solution for every mental problem I have relating to how I think, feel, and act.

Last year I went through two months of a brutal depression following some minor life changes. I had never felt numbness like it and had no real reason to attribute it to. I had not experienced anything traumatic enough to cause it so I knew the reason had to be scientific. I decided to follow a series of steps to self diagnose my mind’s depression as I would with any other machine. I experimented with my behaviors and routines until I had a thought that maybe it was my diet change that was causing my mood shift. Around that time I had recently switched from a diet of mostly plant based home cooked food to living on a diet of fast food and restaurant food because of an inability to make time to cook for myself. I decided to cut out fast food and restaurant food from my diet on a trial basis to see if it would affect my mood. Soon after that change I found myself finally able to feel happiness and optimism again. I came to the conclusion that it was the preservatives and other chemicals (artificial flavors, artificial colors, etc) that are packed into fast food and some restaurant foods that were affecting my mood.

On another occasion a few months ago I found myself suffering from anxiety. I went through my series of self diagnosing steps but was unable to figure out what the cause was. Around that same time I needed to go to the doctor for unrelated issues and have some tests run on me. The doctor told me that my tests showed I was deficient in Vitamin D and Omega 3. I went to Whole Foods right away and bought the necessary vitamins. A few days after starting my vitamins I no longer had anxiety, I could live my life again without constantly stressing about small and meaningless things. I’m not sure if it was the lack of vitamin d or omega 3 that was causing my anxiousness but I had unknowingly fixed my anxiety just by correcting my vitamin deficiency.

I have had several other instances similar to these where I solved my mental problems by simply abandoning harmful behaviors or beginning to partake in positive ones. Such as a time back in 2013 when I went the entire year feeling moody, depressive, and snappy until I stopped drinking alcohol and started to feel 100% again. Or another time in 2015 when I went a few months feeling extremely anxious, nervous, insecure, and paranoid until I stopped smoking weed and got 100% again. And yet another one where I found myself feeling apathetic and drained while participating in unhealthy dieting and fasting and was able to correct it and begin to feel more lively after starting a recommended diet of 2,000 calories per day.

There are many factors that go into my moods, feelings, and emotions. These few instances helped me realize that for my brain to work at it’s 100% capacity I have to follow its rules in the same way I have to with any of my other machines. Just as I have to change my engine’s oil every 3 months for my car to drive without issues I also have to get 8 hours of sleep everyday, get proper amounts of all my vitamins and minerals, stay away from fast food and packaged foods that carry boatloads of chemicals and preservatives, as well as stay away from alcohol, drugs, unnecessary prescriptions, weed, coffee, and a variety of other stimulants and pills that throw off the balance of how my brain upholds itself (In no particular order. Some of these are more harmful than others, crack would obviously be worse than coffee). 

When my mind is what I refer to as 100% I feel uber confident, euphoric, optimistic, smart, creative, etc. I can think better, write better, work better, see better, hear better, etc. My relationship with myself, other people, and my environment tend to be much healthier. When my mind is 100% I am the best version of myself in every way possible.

Most of us humans work the same way. Our minds are machines and they have rules set on how they operate day to day. When you experience negative feelings, emotions, or thoughts think of your mind the same way as you would any other machine. Ask yourself questions like -have you had some alcohol lately? Taken any drugs? What side effects do your prescribed pills have? Are you aware of the hormone and mood changes your birth control may cause? Have you been eating a lot of packaged foods? Are you getting all your vitamins and nutrients from natural sources? Have you been sleeping the recommended amount for your age (mostly 8 hours for a human adult)?

When you experience negative mind changes it’s usually not because there is something wrong with you. Most of the time it has to do with what you are or are not doing to yourself. Just as with any machine there is a natural solution for every problem a healthy brain has. So before you go to a doctor for medication or crack open a bottle of wine and roll a joint to solve your problems make sure you are doing everything else right because trying to correct your brain by artificial means could end up making your problem worse instead of better.

[canaryatlaw]

alright. so today was overall pretty good. I woke up to my alarm at 10:15 because I was scheduled to get a call from the DV clinic about potentially interning there for a while at 10:30. So I more or less just got myself to wake up until they called. It was fine, mostly what I knew already, going over what the responsibilities would be and how I could get to court and all that good stuff. I was going to ask if there was a possibility it would lead to a long term job, but I was never given the opportunity to ask questions lol which I’m sure was an accidental oversight on their part, but they did say that they hoped to have all their hiring done by the end of June, so that sounded somewhat promising. I told them I’d keep them updated about news on the New York job and how that may affect me going back to NY, but I could potentially work through the end of June. So that was good. After the call I tried to go back to sleep because I’m lazy and I like sleep, but it wasn’t happening, so I got up and made blueberry pancakes being that I was out of m&ms and other suitable chocolate substitutes. I tried to make the batter a little thicker than I had previously so it would be able to support the blueberries more and not just fall apart, and it worked pretty well and there weren’t any uncooked middle parts which is generally my fear with thicker batter so that I was pleased about. I had cut down on how much batter I actually made, so it only made about three small to medium sized pancakes but that was a solid breakfast. After eating I decided I should get a jump on going to the store since I had the phone interview later, so I got ready and grabbed my cart and walked down to the grocery store. Just stocking up on some essentials like eggs and milk and getting some random stuff (like more m&ms) I needed for one reason or another. Didn't take too long, got checked out and the cashier gave me 17 of the little monopoly game pieces, which I’m pretty sure was way too many for how much I actually bought, but I mean I wasn’t complaining lol. Idk if I’ve mentioned it before, but the grocery store in connection with a bunch of other grocery stores in different states is doing the huge monopoly give away game like the one they did at McDonald’s a million years ago if you remember that, you get game pieces based on how much you spend, and each little piece has 4 property pieces, and if you get all the property pieces for a certain section of the monopoly board you win a prize. So she gave me 17 of them (I counted) and they had 4 each in them, which means I now had 68 new game pieces lol. I got back from the store and started to work on putting my civil rights final info together (as in what to take into the open book final). I had tried to upload some outlines to the outline depot site I was talking about so I could download some, but the ones I had hadn’t been approved yet, so I figured I’d wait until tomorrow to see if they can get approved so I could get the outline. Otherwise I could pay $20 for it, which kind of seems like a lot, but in reality it’s in line with what Quimbee and such would charge for their outlines. Once I had established that, I went through my case briefs and did some editing, just so everything lined up all nice and pretty and deleted some extraneous information, and I managed to cut it down from 66 pages to 58, so that was good. I then added page numbers to the table of contents I had made for each section and case. Once I had all that done I printed both docs, which took a lot of printing obviously, the amount of trees I’ve killed in the name of open book exams is....plentiful, at this point. I pulled a binder out of my closet (where everyone keeps their binders, you know) along with the massive three hole punch I acquired somewhere along the way (love that thing) and set it all up in the binder. At 4 I got the phone call for the longer phone interview, which ended up lasting about 50 minutes. Lots of questions, most of them going along the lines of “can you give me an example of a time when blah blah blah” meaning I had to come up with a story and I am the worst at doing that, but I feel like i managed to come up with mostly true stories, and the more fabricated ones were at least based on fact, so I was more or less satisfied with that. They said the next step was they were going to select like 2 or 3 final candidates and have them interview with their full team, so we’ll see where it goes with that. not gonna lie, I have somewhat of a feeling of dread regarding the job, just because I’m worried that I would be bored out of my mind, but I mean, it’d be a job and it’d be here, which is good....I have mixed feelings, obviously. but we’ll have to see where that goes. Hopefully I’ll have an answer on the NY job before I hear back from them so I’ll at least have a better idea of where I stand with that. After the phone call I spent an absurdly long time putting all the monopoly pieces on the board, lol. The game has been going on for months now, so I have like 3 out of 4 pieces for a lot of the different prize spaces, but of course the thing is they make 3 of them fairly common and just make very few of the last one. But hey, it’s fun, so it’s all good. When I finished up with that I looked at remedies flashcards for about 5 minutes before deciding I wanted to bake cupcakes instead. I had the cake mix I bought last week, but I wasn’t exactly wanting to bake 24 cupcakes, so I decided to get clever divide the necessary ingredients to make a smaller portion. the recipe called for 3 eggs, and since you can’t really divide eggs as well as other ingredients, I figured I’d do 1/3 of the recipe, so 8 cupcakes. so I used my super handy kitchen scale to weigh the cake mix (it was 15.6 oz) and then measure out 1/3 of that (5.2 oz), then mix it with one egg, and a third of the amounts of oil and water. A few times previously I had tried some of the pinterest suggestions for making boxed cake mixes better, mainly like add an extra egg, swap the oil for melted butter and double it (no, really) and use milk instead of water, but in my experience the cake would come out of the oven looking really great and puffy, then literally right away it would just shrink into it self and not be fluffy at all, lol. it still tasted great, but felt kinda heavy, so I decided to not do that. I had to run out of my building and get my amazon package off the front porch, because I had just ordered a new cookie dough scoop since I managed to somehow break my old one, which wasn't actually working well at all anyway, so that wasn’t much of a loss. But I used the scoop to divide out the batter, which was fairly mess free and worked well. Box said 12-17 minutes for cupcakes, I checked after 12 and they were good to go, so I let them cool while I ate some dinner. I had grabbed a rotisserie chicken from the store earlier and had stowed it in the oven for a while so it stayed warm, then kind of ate some of it throughout the afternoon. By the time I sat down in front of the tv it was 7:20, at which point I realized Supergirl started 20 minutes ago and I’m very bad at this whole watching tv shows live thing. So I started the episode from the beginning. It was interesting, probably one of the better episodes lately, so that’s good. The Sam and Lena stuff is getting very interesting, and I know I said this last week but everything Lena is doing is so VERY Luthor, not even in an evil way, but like Lex would do very similar things on Smallville long before he turned evil and back when he was actually a good guy. It’s just very in tune with how their family handles things. I feel so bad for Sam. she’s in such a hard position of course, and I feel like one way or another this season is gonna end in heartbreak. The Supergirl and Imra stuff I was kinda meh on, mostly because I don’t fully agree with Kara’s no kill policy, like if you can avoid it sure but it’s not always going to be avoidable and I could definitely see where Imra was coming on this one. Mon-El was meh, but what else is new. But yeah, overall not bad. I went straight into watching The Resident afterwards, which churned out another excellent episode. ah, it was all just so good with them dealing with their colleague who was suddenly in a dire state, and how they worked so hard to find the actual best way to save him. I totally loved the subplot with Mina and the new doctor, I love Mina so fucking much haha she’s totally brilliant and she knows it and I LOVE HER SO MUCH. That plot was pure hilarity, I very much hope the doctor guy chooses to stick around. All of the stuff with Nic was getting pretty creepy, but we’ve known that was the direction they were heading in since they’re up to some super sketchy stuff. The whole grocery confrontation thing was.....weird, very weird, but I guess it served its purpose of being creepy. After that I tried to get my roommate’s apple tv to work so I could watch Westworld, but it was not cooperating, so I decided to frost the cupcakes instead. I had gotten an icing bag a while back I wanted to try using, but it was being uncooperative and not letting me actually get the icing to the tip of it and I eventually just gave up and iced one cupcake by hand and figured I’d get to the rest of them when I actually want to eat them. So I ate the cupcake and some frosting out of the can because that shit’s good. I didn't want to jump into a long GoT episode, so I watched more of A Series of Unfortunate Events just as a filler show even though it hasn’t been my favorite lately. I think it somewhat has to deal with me not liking Neil Patrick Harris in this role?? Like I’ve always liked him before this but in this show he just kinda grates on me, and not in the way that like a good villain was, he just feels kind of ridiculous to me, even in a show that contains a lot of ridiculousness, it’s just not working for me. I do love the kids of course, they’re brilliant and lovely and even though I know this is the entire premise of the show I feel myself growing increasing frustrated that they still don’t have a safe place to live, which again I KNOW is the point of the show, but like, it’s getting old for me. So we’ll see how much longer I end up sticking with the show. After an episode of that I started to get ready for bed and now I’m here. Tomorrow I have an “evaluation” appointment with a new PT guy at a new PT place (it’s the same company as my old one, and it’s not even very far apart, they’re literally referred to as the [neighborhood name] North and [neighborhood name] South clinics, so it’s not that big of a change really. I’m getting moved to this one because they apparently have a person trained in the type of PT the doctor wanted me to try, so I guess we’ll see what comes of this. I should be doing better with my home exercises, so maybe this will help motivate me with that. and yeah, other than that I’ll hopefully get a civil rights outline and prep the rest of my stuff for the final on Wednesday, should be good. Alright, that’s all for now. Goodnight peeps. Stay chill.

[pbandjesse]

Im feeling kind of sad right now. I had a breakdown earlier over something stupid but it was just to much. I am looking forward to sleep because its just been a lot.

I had a good day today though. I slept well. My headache was gone when i got up. So that was nice. I got up at 8 and put the heat on and slept another hour. Excellent.

When I got up i made a sort of schedule. Get dressed. Go to the store. Come home and make an omelet. Paint for a bit. Watch tv. Go to work. I wanted to be eating by 1015 and I accomolished that!

I felt cute. I like my haircut a lot. I biked over to the store abd got a few things. Mostly was out for soda. I biked home and made my omelet and toast and it was excellent. And i was just on time at 1010.

Sweet Pea wanted to go outside so I let him hang out there but then I ended up forgetting about him until about 11:15 I feel horrible because he came in and he was all cold and his tail was all puffy. So I loved on him and played with him for a bit after that but while he was outside I did a bunch of other stuff.

I change my outfit because I decided I didn't want to get flour dust from the clay we were going to make with the kids today all over myself and I get dishes and then I painted for a while. It was nice. I had a really chill morning. And I just felt really good about everything. I finally sewed Pockets into my black jacket and I felt really really accomplished.

I realized that sweet pea was outside and let him in and I felt bad. So I spent a little bit of time loving him up before I had to leave for work. I bike down to the bus stop but I was pretty early. I ended up having a really nice conversation with some elderly men that were hanging out there about being short, the one guy was only five two. And about that dad and daughter that murdered that lady. And about people falling in love with people in prison and how it's not the wisest decision. It was fun talking to them it was a nice interaction.

The bus came and I got to work on time. Well I got to work early. And I spent the next hour cleaning and organizing. I returned some stuff back to the supply closet. And I talked to Tiffany about strategies for group work and choosing tables. And the general was great. So no big deal and me and chelsi have a plan of attack for where they are going to sit.

Class was fun. We have a new student to add to our other new student from yesterday. His name is Michael. He's very very nice. And it was a fun time. We had a nice drawing time in the beginning and I brought my pink Furby and batteries. And the kids were so thrilled. Because she does a lot of different things. And so they were passing around all day. Enough that her batteries died. So if I bring her again I'll have to bring her new batteries. We went outside and it was nice. Some of the girls braided my hair and it was just chill.

Dinner was fine but I dipped out to go to the classroom to start measuring stuff because we were making Salto Clyde. Devon came and helped me and he was super helpful measuring things with the measuring cup. I realize that I screwed up the salt measurement but I don't think it'll matter that much since the salt is just a preservative. And I'm going to shellac all there pieces at the end.

And they had such a blast working with Clay. I had them all come to the back of the table and we talked about best practices for how to build something out of clay. Pinch pot, coil, slab. They all asked can we do it another way. And I tried to explain to them that these are really the three ways that you can only make something. And that what they're trying to do is essentially a pinch pot and that's totally fine. But it was funny talking to her about it. And then they just went to town making this clay. Each table got their own bucket and they all mixed up together and table number three to the best and got it the quickest. Table number one had the most roll. And ended up with almost no clay advance. But thankfully I made another batch to share with anyone who had trouble. And I'm going to keep all of it and make baggies of equal amounts for each kid. They're not building till Thursday so I got tomorrow to work on that. But it was really nice seeing how excited they were to work on everything. I'm probably going to bring in some tools for them to work with but today was really great.

The kids were originally working on plastic but it was the plastic that has all the old paint on it so it was flaking all in their class so they asked if they could take the plastic off the tables. That first Chelsea said no but then we decided it would be okay as long as all the kids cleaned. And they did and they did a really good job. And then at the end we talked about sensory and how working with this clay was a sensory experience. And they said that they used almost all their senses including taste because all of them tried to eat it because it was made of flour. Which was very funny. But it was a lot of fun.

The end of the day was fine and then I got on the bus without much issue. There was a weird guy at the bus stop who was very concerned that I smiled at him when I walk past. But it was fine. Until I realized I couldn't find my bike key. Wasn't in my backpack and it wasn't in my coat.

So I get pretty upset. And when I got off the bus I don't my backpack out and it wasn't in there. So I had to just walk to my apartment. I had planned on going to James but now I was tired and it was 6:30. And I didn't want to be walking all the way to his apartment and all the way back. So I just told him I was going to come. And I was upset but it was fine. I couldn't find the spare key that I thought I had and that frustrated me. And I dump my backpack out to see if I have had missed it and realize that my clock furby was making a horrible horrible grinding sound. And this is the one I just got that I spent too much money on and that actually works. And the screen was frozen on all fives and was making horrible noises on every Saturday. And I was so upset and then I couldn't find a screwdriver to open it up. And I called James and I absolutely flipped out. I was sobbing. And I know it was because I was overwhelmed by everything I was just so angry. I was mad at myself and I'm not about this apartment. I don't want to live here anymore. I just want to move out I don't like the space I'm too cold all the time. It's too much money. And I just don't want to be here. I really feel like I can live in apartments one year at a time and that's basically it. Because every place I've lived as soon as I hit that year-and-a-half Mark I just I'm so disgusted by the space that I'm just super unhappy. But maybe it's also because when I get to that point I know I'm almost out of the apartment? And like I am dealing with moving by just despising the place I'm in? Unclear but I was really really upset. I ended up hanging up on him because I couldn't keep looking for a screwdriver to open the stupid Furby and be on the phone. So I hung up on him and I was able to find a pocket knife that had a small screwdriver I want it and was able to get the batteries out and I fixed it and it was fine. And then I was fine. I just felt super hollow inside and tired. But I wasn't upset. I felt embarrassed but I wasn't as upset as I had them. I called him back and I apologized and told him I punched a wall and split my knuckle open. And he said he would stop me from doing that in the future and that he was really sorry that he couldn't have been more helpful. My mom had also sent me a package with keychain Furbies that made me smile because she didn't have to do that and she went out of her way and it helps when I feel alone out here to know that they're back they're thinking of me. and now that everything is calm down I'm really just ready to go to sleep. don't have class tomorrow but we do have a PD at noon. I can't do anything about my Bike today or tomorrow. So we just have to wait and hope that it all works out quickly. That my bike key is just in the storage classroom and I'll find it on Thursday when we go back. Or James will have to get a bolt cutter and cut my bike off the pole. But for now I'm going to sleep. Good night everyone stay warm

[pbandjesse]

I'm talking to Jess about this right now but I feel like I should type this out here as well. I'm feeling a whole hell of a lot of anxiety about politics. I feel bad that my sign could come off as transphobic because of equating women to vaginas. I know I used the quote because I was concerned about sexual assault but I was also being selfish, and only thinking about myself.  I feel bad because POC, First Nations Women, and other minority groups have been fighting for so long, peacefully protesting, and are treated like criminals, but the woman’s march is the largest gathering in US history and there wasn’t one arrest. Not because we were just so well behaved, but because of white privilege. This isn’t to say that the march was bad or anything, I just feel like we, as white women, have a lot to make up for. We don’t lift up other groups, we have a “Us first” attitude, we say stuff about muddying the message with talk of intersectionality. And its bullshit. We need to use our white girl privilege to do better, to protect those that are vilified. We need to show up.  And I just feel like I cant do enough, and I haven’t done enough. I care so much about BLM and NoDAPL, but I don’t want to step in places where I am not wanted, where it could be perceived that I'm talking over someone. So I haven’t been there when I should have supported. And I am going to change that. I want to be on the right side of history and just believing this stuff isn’t enough, not without action.

Okay I really needed to put that out there. Its eating at me a bit. And I'm holding a lot of tension in my jaw so yeah I had to get that out.

I slept okay last night. My back is still hurting so I woke up a few times, but it was fine. I got up at 8 and felt okay. I didn’t want breakfast. And I took a shower last night. So I just got dressed. My hair came out great and I'm super pleased with the green. It doesn’t look super color saturated in the pictures but in person its very jade color. I'm thrilled. And I put a towel down on my new sheets so I didn’t stain my pillows with it while it was drying so I'm also really happy about that.

At 9 I texted Don asking if I could come scan my birds and he said yes so around 10 I headed over there. I really wanted chipotle today but it just wasn’t in the card because it took longer than expected to scan the birds. I ended up doing the humming bird and the brown bird with the yellow patches. Don showed me how to set up the scans. We began with the humming bird and put it up on some wood and did  I think 12 scans. It took like a half hour total. Then I learned how to trim the file and merge it and it came out pretty bird like! The second was a bit more blobby but still birdy. I'm going to try to print them on the gypsum printer and then make a mold to case in bronze. I'm really excited to show my freshmen the process.

I was starving by the end of that, but there wasn’t time to get to chipotle before I had to be home. So I just had a sandwich at the cafeteria. I got some cool stuff on the free shelf and then I headed home.

I made a pitstop at my studio to drop off the stuff I found, and then went home.

I had a photo conference call at 130, but it was a little late. The call was good but I felt like I couldn’t get a word in. Having 6 people on a call is way to many. It was good to hear my mom’s voice though, and also getting all the details for our trip next week was good. I'm looking forward to it and also getting to see a little bit of Chicago. I think we’ll go to the art museum on the first day, and the science museum on the second. Mostly because the art museum is open until 8 on Tuesday.

After the call I hung out for a while. I wanted to make it to my studio and do at least 2 dioramas. And around 3 I got a call that the package mom sent me had come. So I took my little cart and walked to pick it up. The package was almost 10 pounds so the cart was very much needed.

I got back to my studio and unpacked my package. Most of my clothes and my books and my daily collection project. I went through that and organized the weeks. I didn’t have my camera card so I have to wait til tomorrow to photograph that. But it was good to organize. I made 2 alright dioramas. I'm waiting on furniture still so they aren’t totally done but theyre something. Michaela came with a form for student union for me. And she also scanned some drawing I needed because she was using the scanner computer. And then Lynda, my teaching professor, dropped off a beautiful suitcase that her mother went to college with. Its purple silk lined and I love it. I was in my studio for about 2 hours and felt a bit overheated and dizzy so I headed home.

When I got home I felt a little better. My graze snacks came, which I was excited about. I changed into pjs. I played on tinder. Almost every person I swiped right on matched with me. Which was a confidence boost for sure. And now my aniexty is leaving me and I just have a bit of a headache and would like to drink some water and go to sleep.

Tomorrow is going to be another really full day. Studio morning, finish presentation, townhall meeting/lunch, printing appointment at 2, get a nap maybe?? Ballet at 7. Its all stuff I want to do though so hopefully it wont be to hard. I hope you all take care of eachother out there. Sleep well. goodnight.