#i picture this happening a few weeks after the final confrontation with saito

[neomedievalist]

request: date and kagami.explori- kidding.kidding.

anwyay for the serious request: date post-game having nightmares abt saito and all that couldve gone wrong (like, him shooting hitomi)

Date gives the command to Aiba, and it feels like his heart rips in two.

He wants to look away, but he can't. His eyes are glued to Saito. Saito, in his body. Hitomi struggling, the gun to her head, the fear in her eyes. Will he fail to protect her again? "Initiating self-destruct sequence." Aiba speaks as calmly as she can. He knows how much this hurts for her, too.

And Date looks, as if in the mirror, as his own head--Saito's head--is blown to gory pieces.

Gasping for air, Date shoots upright. Taking heaving breaths, he looks around him.

A dream. He's back at his apartment.

He looks around himself, trying to ground himself and regulate his breathing. It looks like he fell asleep watching tv; it's tuned to static. He reaches around for the remote, but can't find it, so he just presses the button on the tv. Running a hand through his hair--he still expects it to be longer than it is--he turns around, and spots Mizuki, sleeping soundly in her bed. His heart clenches for a moment. He's so glad she's okay.

Date moves into the bathroom, then stops. He almost doesn't want to, but he looks at himself in the mirror. Scraggly black hair, unshaven. Bony face. Visibly older.

...It's going to take a long time for this to stop being weird.

For a second, he sees Saito's maniacal grin staring back at him, and he shakes his head to get rid of the vision. His thoughts are spiralling. He usually doesn't allow himself to think about things too hard--it's how he copes. Move on to the next case, worry about that instead. He can't do that with something so personal as his own identity.

His identity... Who is Kaname Date, really? It's as if the ‘him’ from before six years ago, and the him from the last six years are fighting. He’s still the same soul, the same personality, the same consciousness, so it shouldn’t matter, should it? He’s gotten everything back, so why does he feel so empty? Things can’t ever go back to the way they were before the New Cyclops Serial Killings. He won’t ever be the same.

The mirror looks back at him silently.

Why is it, that when he looks in the mirror, he expects to see Saito's face? Though he has regained his memories, it's not like the past six years meant nothing to him. He lived as Kaname Date, in the body of Saito Sejima. That's a fact. Now that he remembers who he was before then, well...

Hitomi. Iris. How can he return to them after he'd abandoned them like that? After he'd caused them so much pain? He'd like to think that he's mature enough to handle this logically. He knows the facts. For God's sake, he just had this conversation with Mizuki...

...but he can't help but feel responsible for everything. He killed Mizuki's parents. Saito wanted revenge on him, so he went after the people Date cared for most. He should never have gotten attached, he should have done something. If things were different, Mizuki wouldn't...

Date locks eyes with himself in the mirror again.

...Mizuki wouldn't want him to think this way. She would call him a stupid idiot, and ask how that made any sense at all. ...He remembers her calling him her hero, though he doesn't know...how he remembers that, exactly.

He cares for her more than he ever expected to. This change has been a shock for her, but to her credit, Mizuki has adjusted well. She treats him the same as she did before with his new appearance. Mostly. He can tell. On bad days, or when she catches his reflection out of the corner of her eye, there’s something there. The wariness of a stranger in your house you don’t recognize.

The poor girl has gone through so much, and Date just keeps causing problems for her... if he were the 'him' six years ago, he'd think he needed to move far away to protect her.

But he knows better now. Mizuki needs him. And Date needs Mizuki. They've come to rely on each other as family, and Date is done turning his back on family.