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queen-of-my-goofball-army · 3 years

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I Think There's Something You Should Know DuckTales Fic~

A double post?! In what kind of fresh hell world is this?! All joking aside, this is a fic that my best friend @i-want-a-donut DM about via my recent discord account making! She want a soft fic with Sabrina and Ludwig so that is what I'm here to bestow upon all of you!

I paced around the bedroom that I had recently been given at McDuck manor. I knew that this day had to come but I hadn’t expected for it to be so soon. It was the deadline for something that I had promised myself that I would do.

“It’s just uncle Ludwig, has he ever hated you?” I muttered to myself just not wanting to get this done. This was not something that I had ever wanted to do.

“You can’t help this. It’s not like when you were born somebody bestowed the gay upon you. It’s something that you have to discover for yourself. Whether or not he accepts that is not up to you. He’ll still love me. Through everything he’s been the one person that has ever stood by my side and vouched for my decision making. He would never, ever reject me for being who I truly am inside. Right Ji?” I asked my cat who was sitting on the floor looking up at me with his big green eyes as if to convey human I have no idea what you just said to me.

“I know, you’re just a cat. You’re lucky, these kinds of things can’t bother you because the only thing that matters to you is pets, cuddles and food. You’ll still love me right Jiji?” He meowed softly at me and I couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at him.

“Of course you will. I’m the human that looks after you so you’ll have to always care about me. I’ve pushed this out already way longer than it needs to be. Everyone else in the family already knows and still loves me. But if he doesn’t… if he can’t accept me this way…” I chocked on the sob that threatened to leave me just trying to calm down and think about this rationally. My phone buzzed next to me and I hesitantly picked it up.

Gosalyn <3: Love, I know you’re nervous about this but this is kooky uncle Ludwig that you’re going to tell. This is the person that you’ve always wanted to be. This is the same person that taught you the colors of the spectrum through freaking song, you’ll be fine babe. I believe in you!! Through Gosalyn’s encouraging words I took severally deep breaths.

“Thanks Gos, you always know just what to say to make me feel better.” I laughed a little bit when she sent me a picture of her skating on her Darkwing Duck board.

Me: Thanks gorgeous, I’m just panicking that’s all. Sure, my family accepts me but there’s no opinion in this whole world that I value more than uncle Ludwig even if he is kooky. I sighed adjusting my ponytail for what felt like the millionth time that day.

“Sabrina?” I heard my uncle Donald knock lightly on my bedroom door and I sighed a little bit playing with the ends of my hair.

“It’s time to go and meet uncle Ludwig for your weekly lessons.” I sighed a little bit looking over at the calendar and seeing that it was the day that I thought it was. I had to do it today if I wanted to treat myself to that trip to St. Canard for my birthday at the end of next month.

“Sabrina, just because you set a deadline for something doesn’t mean that it has to be done that specific day. You make these promises to yourself that if you can’t do this one specific thing by this one day that you’ll panic if you haven’t done it yet. Whatever you have to tell us I’m sure that it’s not as bad as you think it is inside your head.” He reminded me patiently and I nodded my head looking down at my webbed feet.

“You can do it Brina. I know that you can. It might seem difficult at first especially because your uncle is your biggest hero in the whole world but you’ll see. Everything will work itself out in the end.” My mom got down so that she could easier talk to me.

“But what if you all hate me? I couldn’t live with myself if all of you hated me…” My mom just thumbed my tears away from my eye.

“Oh honey, we could never ever hate you. No matter what it is that you feel that you need to tell us, we’ll understand. We’ll listen and we’ll be here for you no matter what happens. I know that your brain has probably been running around in circles these last few weeks trying to tell us something. I want you to tell us when you come back with uncle Ludwig for dinner.” My mom reasoned and I hugged her tightly. I took a couple of deep breaths knowing that she made, as usual, a decent argument.

“You’ve been hiding things from us too sis so I know that whatever you’ve got going on in your personal life that you’re scared to admit it. It’s okay to keep shit to yourself. But it’s also okay to talk about whatever you’re afraid of as well.” Louie reminded me and I looked over at my green hoodie wearing brother.

“I think what Lou is trying to tell you is that we have your back Brina. Everyone in this family sticks together no matter what it is that we’re struggling with. Whatever is going on in your life we’ll be there for that as well.” Huey reminded me and I looked over at my brother with tears in my eyes and he just wound his arms around my neck in a tight hug.

“I’ve always got your back sis. No matter what that secret is that you’ve been keeping I’ll always fight with you. You’re not alone in your battle. You have so many people out there backing you up.” He encouraged me and I smiled softly at my brother knowing that he was already in my corner. He’d probably already figured out what I was going to tell them all over dinner tonight. I was planning on telling uncle Ludwig before I told the rest of the family anyways.

“Sabrina, it’s time to go.” I nodded my head retracting from my brother’s hug and ruffling Louie’s tuft on his head.

“I’ll see you later Lou, send me cute Animal Crossing pics.” I picked up my over the shoulder bag checking to make sure that my laptop and my homework from the last week was inside of it.

“You’ve got it, if I see Dora in my village I’ll send you cute screenshots.” I saw my brother instantly log onto his switch and flip upside down so that he could play the cute game that he had gotten me into in the first place. I buckled my seatbelt and spent the rest of the car ride over in silence my brain still running laps around itself trying to figure out the best way to possibly tell my favorite family member that I was a lesbian.

“Have a good lesson okay Brina?” I nodded my head kissing my uncle’s cheek with a small smile on my face that instantly relaxed when I saw my uncle Ludwig at the front of his stoop.

“Mien starchen!! So happy to see you, are you ready to get ze learning on?” I nodded my head with a bright smile on my face.

“I’m always ready to get my learn on Uncle Ludwig. Bye uncle Donald!” I waved to my uncle who was driving the old family car back to the manor.

“How have you been this last week? Ze homework wasn’t too difficult for you was it?” I shook my head with a small smile on my face.

“I could figure everything out! I had an amazing teacher after all and you’ve alway made sure that everything was crystal clear before you sent me off on my own. I did have to ask Lou for help with calculous but math has never been my best subject other than algebra.” I explained the homework that I had struggled with and he just lightly patted my head.

“You’ll understand ze calculus eventually it’ll be like chemistry where at first it just looks like a bunch of gobbly gook until you understand ze mechanics.” He reasoned and I smiled softly as I saw that my uncle was wearing one of the vests that I had knitted for him. Uncle Ludwig had always been encouraging of my passions and my interests and always wore the designs that I made for him.

“I know uncle. Thanks again for taking time out of your busy schedule.” He looked at me his eyes soft but at the same time sad.

“Oh hush ze sad thoughts, this is ze highlight of my week. You know zis.” Ludwig’s eyes were filled with the varying emotions and I just looked down at my webbed feet.

“I’m sorry uncle Ludwig… I’m so sorry…” I chocked on a sob and he just took my hands in his running comforting circles into them.

“What ever are you sorry for mein starchen? What is up with ze crocodile tears all of the ze sudden?” He thumbed away as many as he could and I just shook my head.

“I’ll tell you once I can be calm enough. I’m telling the-the rest of the family at dinner tonight.” I chocked out and he just smiled sadly at me.

“Oh starchen come here my little one…” He hugged me tightly to his body nearly lifting me off the ground but I couldn’t help but cling to him just as hard.

“It’ll be okay, whatever it is that you have to tell I will promise you right now that there is no reason to be sorry. You could never do anything that would make me hate you Sabrina. There is nothing wrong with you whether it be ze mental or ze emotional. You just need help to understand things sometimes and zere is nothing with asking for ze help every now and again. I wanted to sign you two new books for today anyways. Shall we talk zis talk to ze library where you can be comfortable? I’ll get you a cup of hot chocolate from ze machine and some breakfast while I am at it.” His soothing voice brought me out of my own head and I found myself slowly melting into the warmth of the affection of it. There was so much there that I could get lost in. I found his library easily because that was where most of our lessons were held. I looked around me at all the huge stacks of bookshelves seeing two that were in front of his desk. Brave New World and Slaughterhouse Five.

“Oh you have found them already!! Those will be your next book reports zat I want by ze end of ze month. Both of ze books I would highly recommend for somebody like you. They are very unique and I think zat you will love zem both.” He encouraged me and I nodded my head with a small smile on my face picking up one of them.

“I have heard of both of them, isn’t this where you took your If you had a bad day, take a soma. If you want to forget that you even had that day, take two poster from that’s in your office?” He nodded his head coming to sit next to me. He took my hand in his and I wrapped one of them around the hot chocolate. I saw the toasted breakfast sandwich in front of me as well.

“What has been bothering you as of late mien starchen? You have been pulling away from me and it is very troublesome.” I sighed a little bit knowing that it was now or never. I couldn’t keep living like this, where I was hiding who I truly was inside of me.

“Uncle Ludwig, I think there’s something you should know about me… I’m gay. Gosalyn is my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for the past month and a half.” He slowly set down his cup of cocoa that he had made for himself and turned to me.

“Zat’s what all ze crocodile tears were for? Oh starchen I already knew that. Why else do you think I have been giving you so much reading material based upon things that aren’t straight laced? I wanted you to tell me on your own terms and you did. I am so proud of you, my little shining star…” He praised and I looked up at him with my eyes full of tears.

“You aren’t angry with me?” He shook his head fervently putting my cup down for me so I could bury my head into his shoulder.

“Sabrina I have never once in my entire life been angry with you. Zat’s just not humanly possible. You are far too lovable for me to ever hate you. I first picked out Fun Home because I thought zat you would find it to be interesting. I knew when I read your report on that book how true to you it really was.” He reminded me of the graphic novel that he had given me earlier on in the year. That was before Gosalyn and I had even officially started dating. I had known that I was very much gay for her but had no way of knowing if she actually felt the same way about me or not.

“You knew even then? That was when I had just figured out that my brother’s teasing me about Gos being my girlfriend hit a little bit too close to home for me. I thought that you’d be angry with me. You were always encouraging me to find myself but I was just so scared that I’d lose you for good.” I chocked back a sob and he just thumbed along my cheek with a small smile on his face.

“I’ve never not told you to be anything other than yourself. That’s ze reason that you continued to amaze me starchen. I’ve been calling you my star since you were a newly hatched egg. You were always uniquely your own person. Somebody zat continued to amaze me every day that she spent with me.” He nuzzled his beak against mine in a loving gesture. His eyes full of determination to make me believe that he was telling me what he truly felt.

“Th-Thank you uncle Ludwig, for always being there for me…” He laughed softly, that same laugh that always sent warmth and happiness down to my bones.

“I should be the one thanking you starchen. What’s about we go shopping a little bit later? I’m supposed to pick up ze dessert for tonight and I have an idea.” He told me and I blinked in confusion as he got out his computer and pulled up the local bakery.

“Ze colors of the lesbian flag are dark purple, a lighter shade of purple, an even lighter shade of purple, white, light orange, orange, and red correct?” I nodded my head as he plugged in all the numbers into the bakery website and I saw the beautiful cake that he had inside of his head.

“Uncle Ludwig…” I trailed off and he just smiled softly at me squeezing my hand with a small smile on his face.

“It is ze least that I could do for my amazing niece. I am so proud of you for coming to me about this starchen. I know how scary and how nerve-racking that must have been for you.” He encouraged me and I melted into the affectionate touch of his warm and soothing presence. This library always felt like my second home. I picked up my two books that were on his desk and read the descriptions on the back of them.

“Slaughterhouse Five? What’s that mean? Wasn’t Vonngeunt a prisoner in WWII?” Uncle Ludwig nodded his head since I had remembered that from last week’s lecture that he had given to me about the author.

“Zat’s what inspired zat novel. He was trying to make sense of humanity.” My heart broke for the poor man that had been through so much.

“Now I remember you telling me about that when I asked about the other poster in your room.” I nodded my head at the memory and he just smiled softly at me taking the books from me.

“How about we have ze free day of ze month today?” Every month he would give me one free day to either research something that I was interested in or we would just spend it together.

“But that’s supposed to be next week…” He just laughed at me, that laugh that I loved so much for how open and unique it was.

“It might be next week officially on your calendar but I would much rather do something fun with you today. If you want to do something productive with your day with me then I do have an assignment for you to research for next week. I want you to make me a powerpoint.” He went over to the front of the room and struggled to pull down his projector.

“Do you need help?” I asked him through my giggles but he just gave one final pull that left him flat on his face and his glasses askew.

“If it means anything I asked.” I joked and he just sighed heavily at me as he adjusted his glasses and I looked at the projector seeing a powerpoint about Marie Curie.

“I want you to make me a presentation about your hero. I know zat you have many like I do but I decided eventually to just go with the one that I knew the most about so Marie Curie was the one I chose.” I looked up at him and his powerpoint about the woman that discovered radiation.

“It doesn’t have to be a woman but I would prefer for it to be. It also doesn’t need to be science related but I was trying to find one for my special interest.” I listened to the criteria that my uncle was looking for when I made this powerpoint. Every month he would have me do one on a topic that he was interested in.

“Ursula K Le Guin…” I trailed off and he just smiled softly at me kissing my forehead with a small smile on his face.

“Of course you would pick the author of your favorite books. I would prefer it if you did it based off of things that you already know about her so that you won’t have to waste too much time on zis. I just thought that it would make you happy because you’ve been so stressed and anxious lately.” He encouraged me and I looked at his powerpoint going through the slides.

“I’ve got it! Thank you for this uncle, this means a lot to me. I’ll make an amazing powerpoint.” He laughed at me taking his cup of coco.

“I know you will starchen you always do. Here you go, these are also going to be your assignments for the rest of the week. There is extra calculous but I know zat you’ll also do the ze best you can.” Uncle Ludwig sat down next to me and clinked his cup with mine.

“I’ll have Hue help me if I need it. I need help with math usually it’s just a struggle for me most of the time. I prefer algebra because that’s more like doing a puzzle.” I reasoned and he stood up going over to his puzzle shelf.

“I recently got a new puzzle and I wanted to do it with you.” He stood up on his ladder getting what he was looking for and he waved his new puzzle around.

“Oh that sounds like fun! I’d love to make that one with you.” I smiled softly at my uncle as he dragged a clean table over and I took my sandwich. I looked over at the front of the box and smiled softly when I realized that it was an outdoor one with a waterfall. I always preferred the outdoor puzzles as opposed to ones that were themed to indoors.

“Hold on, let me get some music.” He went over to his old fashioned record player as I looked at the front cover of the puzzle box and set it up so that I could easily look back up at the object.

“Zat’s better now we can have some background noise. Good job getting it all set up starchen!!” He encouraged me and I smiled softly at him shaking my head.

“I just did what you would have done and what you taught me to do when dealing with puzzles.” He leaned his head against my shoulder and I just sighed a little bit. No matter how exhausting he could be I still loved my uncle more than anything in the entire world.

“I think zat we should glue this one and zen hang it up.” I nodded my head. It looked like it would be a really beautiful picture when it was all finished so I knew that he made a good point.

“I’ll help you to find the perfect place for it. This library is getting really busy with lots of things going on.” I teased him lightly as I found the perfect spot for the puzzle piece in front of me pressing it lightly into the square next to it.

“Excuse you, zis library is perfectly organized.” I quirked an eyebrow up at him gesturing with my wings to the room around me.

“What part of this is organized? I just helped you organize this chaos last month during free day how is it already like this?” My uncle just laughed a little bit to himself and I sighed. He would continue to have his library be an organized disaster where nobody knew where anything was but him. I was amazed that he still remembered where things were half of the time.

“I know it’s a problem starchen but I like my library the way that it is. Even if it’s messy and unorganized it feels more lived in this way.” He reasoned and I sighed a little bit knowing that there was no way that I’d make him feel any different.

“Zis one goes here I think…” My uncle pressed the piece against the one where he thought that it fit and it slid perfectly into place.

“I started another anime with Lou. It’s a science show, it’s really, really good.” I mentioned off handedly to my uncle. He was always interested in what I was watching and we had watched FullMetal Alchemist together in German something that was actually a lot of fun.

“What’s it called?” I could tell that he was genuinely excited, as he always was when the idea of science was brought up.

“It’s called Dr Stone. The story is about how one day the entire world turned to stone. 30,000 years into the future the main character Senku unfroze and he’s trying to get the world back to where it was in the modern society. He finds this village of people that are already living there and dubs that his kingdom of science and that’s how he gets society back onto it’s feet.” I explained the plot of the show and he listened to me intrigued.

“Zat sounds extremely interesting!! I will have to give it a watch and see if it can apply to what we are learning together.” My heart melted at the idea that he wanted to make some of the science that we did based on the show that had recently captured my interest. We had studied alchemy for months for fun after I had finished FullMetal and he got me all the volumes of the manga for my birthday.

“Thank you uncle Ludwig. That sounds like fun. There are experiments that Senku makes and explains how he does on the show so we’ll have to see if they work in the real world.” I melted into the warmth of the atmosphere that I was in at the moment.

“What else have you been doing with your siblings?” He asked me curiously and I got out my phone showing me the latest science project that I had helped Dewey make.

“Dew is going out for basketball again this year he’s getting really genuinely good at it. I love practicing with him he’s been teaching me how to play and everything. It’s a lot of fun! Plus you’re always going on about how I need to exercise more and that’s a fun way to do it. Hue is working to be a camp counselor this year for the Junior Woodchucks. Louie and I have been mostly playing Animal Crossing together.” Uncle Ludwig put his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face. He listened to me and paid attention to everything that was going on in my life.

“Animal Crossing is ze cute one right?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face showing him a screen shot of my favorite villager.

“This is Dora. My brother and I both got lucky enough to have her on our islands. She’s a bookworm but is adorable. Every one of the characters has a little catchphrase that they use, her’s is squeaky.” I tried to explain to him but he just blinked at me in confusion.

“Hold on, I’ll show you! I already logged on this morning.” I turned on my yellow switch with a small smile on my face doing the familiar three taps and running around my island.

“Your island is called Magnolia?” I nodded my head with a small laugh rubbing the back of my neck a little bit.

“It’s a guilty pleasure show that my brother watches with me sometimes, it’s a fantasy magic anime called Fairy Tail. I thought that the name of the town was just adorable so I took it for the name of my island.” I kicked my webbed feet back and forth and found Dora.

“This is Dora, she’s a dorm mouse. She’s not the serious social type but she loves reading books and other things like that.” I went over to her and she did her catchphrase and I saw the realization go off on his face.

“Oh zat is quite adorable!! I can see why your brother and you have been so bonkers over this game.” I laughed a little bit because that was a way of describing things that only my uncle could do.

“Alright sorry for that little distraction let’s get back to work.” I cheered and he just smiled softly at me when I leaned against his side.

“We shall have to go out to ze mall later zis afternoon because I want to pick up a little something for you. A little surprise.” My heart started to beat more rapidly as I texted Gosalyn to let her know that everything had gone according to my plan that I made.

“What is it? What is it? What is it?” I asked him rapidly and he just laughed at me. He shook his head pressing a wing to his beck.

“That is for me to be knowing and for you to find out in a few hours. I still want to spend time with you in my own home.” He reminded me lightly squeezing my arm lightly where his was linked through. I pressed another piece of the puzzle into it’s rightful spot.

“Good job starchen!! You truly are a master of puzzles and thinking things through. I used to really struggle with zis when I was your age. They annoyed me because they took too much of my time.” I laughed a little bit at the idea of my uncle’s frustration. He used to be annoyed by a lot of things when he was younger before thankfully mellowing out as the years went on.

“I like things that help my brain to work. It’s why I love algebra, puzzles, and knitting so much. It’s busywork for my brain and it appreciates being used the way that it was intended.” I leaned a little bit further into his side just enjoying the quieter moments between us.

“Can I ask you a question starchen?” I made a soft sound that I was listening to him as I put another piece into it’s spot.

“Did you always feel zis way about Gosalyn? Or was it recent?” So, we were going to talk about the massive elephant in the room.

“It wasn’t the second I met her if that’s what you’re wondering. It was more of something that happened over time. If I had to put a specific time on my feelings for her I’d say New Years. Something changed around the holiday when I went to go and visit her with Launchpad. There was always just something about her that was different for me. I realized after that trip it was that she was just beautiful. There was no other rhyme or reason about it she just was. I feel like I can be myself around her and she won’t judge me for it or anything like that. I love her uncle…” My uncle looked at me with tears in his eyes and he wiped them away.

“Look at me, getting all emotional over my niece’s first brush with ze feelings. I knew zat there was something between ze two of you from the first second you told me about her. Your eyes just sort of went all soft and sparkly.” I handed him a handkerchief and he just smiled gratefully at me drying his eyes with the object.

“Zis is what I’ve always wanted for you. For you to feel comfortable enough to be with somebody else and to be happy.” He reminded me lightly and I looked up at him with a surprised expression on my face. I put my arm supportively around his shoulders.

“I didn’t think that it would ever happen to me if I’m being entirely honest. I have never felt this way about anyone else before. Not man, not woman, just Gosalyn. I know that I’m a lesbian because boys have just never done it for me. All of my fictional crushes have been on the same gender. Ever since I was little so there was always that little thing about me that was different. I just want to make her happy uncle. She’s everything that I’ve ever wanted.” He lightly kissed my forehead in understanding. I drank the rest of my hot chocolate that was in front of me.

“Do you want ze refill?” I nodded my head knowing that it would be too much sugar for me but I still wanted the extra pep anyways. I checked my phone seeing the encouraging response from Gosalyn that she was proud of me and that she loved me.

“There’s the happy smile that I was talking about. It lights up ze room. That’s how I had a feeling of what you were keeping from me.” I smiled a little bit sheepishly rubbing the back of my neck. The feeling of comfort and family always remained when I was here. It never failed to bring me back to my childhood since I spent so much of it sitting in these chairs, doing puzzles, drinking homemade hot chocolate, and just learning all that I could from my uncle in these chairs. I had spent my whole childhood coming here on the weekends and reading with him.

“I think that my brothers already know as well. They know me a bit too well, especially Louie. He’s definitely onto me and my attitude changes as of late. They’ve always called Gosalyn my girlfriend anyways as a joke.” My uncle thumbed a finger around my shoulder with an understanding smile on his face.

“But to you, zis is not a joking matter. You’re afraid zat they will make jokes about it.” I nodded my head and he just smiled at me.

“They won’t. Your brothers care about you more than anything in ze whole world. They do try and make jokes but they will see how important this is to you.” He reasoned and I smiled softly at my uncle who had only ever tried to encourage me to be myself.

“Thanks uncle, for helping me. That means more than you can ever know. You’ve always been so patient with me whenever my brain was running a million miles an hour.” I thanked him and he just kissed my forehead understandingly.

“You’ll always have me by your side starchen I promise. Nothing could ever tear me from it. Especially not a silly little nothing like what sexuality you would prefer to date. This is just another part of you that makes you wonderful. Zere is nothing wrong with it. You are perfectly normal.” Uncle Ludwig reminded me lightly pressing another piece into the puzzle as tears filled my eyes.

“You have no idea how much I needed to hear those words from you… to hear that you still accepted me even as this person that I am.” He just thumbed my tears away lightly making sure that there wasn’t anything that was wrong with me.

“Oh starchen don’t you start ze crying. Because if you start crying zen I’m going to start crying and then we’ll just have one big old mess.” I laughed watery at my uncle as I shook my head and just tried to stop the tears that badly wanted to flow like rain water.

“What other series have you been watching with Louie?” He asked me and I pressed another piece of the puzzle together.

“That’s really about it lately, it’s just been a lot of Dr Stone. I’m rewatching FullMetal for what feels like the trillionth time though. That’s been helping me out a lot through this whole process. I want to show it to Gosalyn.” I mentioned off handedly and my uncle nodded his head in understanding at the mention of my favorite show.

“Zat show is a big part of who you are. I recommend zat you do it because it’ll make her happy. Your sharing that part of your life with her.” I smiled softly thinking about how my girlfriend would react to me wanting to show her my favorite show.

“I think that she’d enjoy it. I’m still trying to get her through the whole Miyazaki library.” I laughed rubbing the back of my ponytail.

“Understandable, zos are some of your favorite movies. How many has she seen so far?” He asked me and I got out my phone to show him my list of movies.

“She’s gotten all the way through Howl’s Moving Castle. The next one that I want to show her is Ponyo. It’s okay, you took me to see that one remember? It was his rendition of The Little Mermaid.” I reminded him lightly of the fairy tale that he had taken me to see.

“I remember zat one… zat was a weird one.” I laughed a little bit at him as he pressed another into it’s rightful spot.

“It was a little bit strange but I don’t know. I still enjoyed it and thought that it was really cute. The first brush with love between the two younger main characters made it easier for me to swallow and less weird.” I reasoned since I would always have a soft spot for anything that he made. His movies had this ability to take me into another world and the older that I got the more I found myself getting lost in it.

“Your favorite is still ze Moving Castle yes?” I nodded my head getting out my sketchbook and showing him the latest painting that I had made.

“Oh starchen… it’s the most beautiful thing zat I have ever seen. You painted this all from your own memory?” I nodded my head playing with the hem of my ponytail ribbon a little bit nervously. I always got self conscious when I was showing something that I made, especially when that something was artwork.

“I figured that I’ve seen the movie enough times that I should know it like the back of my hand by now. I’ve always loved Howl’s secret garden and there was something about that always called out to me. I decided to paint it a few days ago and I just finished it last night.” My uncle carefully tore the page out of my sketchbook and scurried around his library.

“Where is zat empty frame…” He muttered to himself and he found the offending object that was hiding from his line of sight.

“I shall help you hang this when we go to McDuck manor for dinner tonight. This is something that you should be very proud of Sabrina. It is obvious that you worked extremely hard on it and long hours as well. I love it.” He praised and I just smiled softly at him looking at the frame. For the first time in a long time I thought proud of something that I had accomplished.

“I do too. It was fun for the first time in a while I enjoyed the painting process. It’s also one of the largest paintings that I’ve probably ever made as well.” He held it up in front of him and he just lightly thumbed over my shoulder.

“Then zat is progress!! I know zis is not something that you are very good at, taking ze praise. I’m often too good at it and my head gets too big.” I smiled softly adjusting my uncle’s spectacles on his face with a small smile.

“You do but that’s just a part of your lovable charm uncle. I know that you’ve worked on getting your ego trimmed down to size these last few years and I’m proud of you.” I reminded him for all the hard work that I knew he had done in order to get everything squared away.

“I think the last few inventions going slightly off the rails have rather helped to trim down my ego.” I smiled sadly at him squeezing his hand.

“You’re getting a little bit older and that’s okay. You have enough money to live comfortably. It doesn’t matter that the instant bandaid dispenser bit you in the ass metaphorically speaking. The apple peeler and hot chocolate maker still work!” I pushed a little bit further trying to hear that ho-ho-ho laugh that I loved so dearly. When I heard I instantly felt better.

“You are right starchen everything that I’ve made that worked these last few years has been something for you.” I settled against the back of the couch putting my cup of finished hot chocolate onto his table and taking the small side of fruit that was next to my sandwich.

“I put some nectarines into zat, it should be good. I got zem from ze farmers market ze other day. I also got you ze kettle corn. You can have it when I drop you off back at the manor.” I cheered at the mention of my favorite sweet/salty treat that I always shared with Dewey for our movie nights.

“Thanks uncle Ludwig, your contribution for me and Dew’s movie nights will be greatly appreciated.” I teased lightly and he just huffed a small sigh.

“Have you two been getting along better still?” I nodded my head getting out my phone and showing him the picture that Huey had taken of me asleep on my brother’s shoulder from yesterday’s movie night.

“We meet up once a week for movie nights still. They’re going rather well we switch off weeks so he just went yesterday. I get to go next week to have my movies that I want to watch. I still have no idea what I want to watch.” I shrugged my shoulders and my uncle just listened to me talk about the further development with the brother that had given me the most grief growing up.

“I’m glad zat you two seem to have worked out your issues as you got older. I told you zat he just needed to grow up and into himself before he realized what a mistake zat he was making.” I leaned against the couch kicking my legs back and forth.

“It’s the little things that he does that surprise me. Things like remembering my drink preference, my snack preference, and things like that. He used to not care about me at all so the little signs that he does now, they make me happy.” My relationship with my blue clad brother had come a long way from where it started.

“I am proud of you for working so hard to fix things with your brother. I know zat he hasn’t always made things easier for you to deal with. Zat’s why I’m proud of him for working so hard to mend what was broken.” My uncle reasoned with an understanding smile on his face and I looked over at him with a small question in my gaze.

“Now we’re talking about you and uncle Scrooge. I know that you two have had your disagreements and that he can be awful a lot of the time but deep down he cares about everyone in his life. Including you.” I reminded him lightly nudging his shoulder with a small smile on my face.

“You are right starchen I was referring to your other uncle. We’ve disagreed a lot over the course of my marriage to his sister but through it all he’s at least tried to be there for me since you came into his life.” I listened to him talk about my other uncle that was sitting back at home in his mansion.

“He’s been trying to get to know me a little bit better over these last years. I’m happy living with him I really am. Adventure is always right around the corner for me and that’s part of the fun of the thing for me. I love adventure and I’ve always wanted to have my own. When I was younger I was satisfied with just reading fantasy novels but then I wanted to have my own.” I leaned my head against his side lightly as I talked about the dream that I had when I was younger.

“I know zat was your ultimate goal in life was ago lead your own adventure. I’m just happy zat you were able to achieve it.” He encouraged me the same way that he always had but with that kindhearted edge that he did everything else.

“I think that I’ve learned a lot underneath uncle Scrooge. About how to handle myself and get myself out of a bad situation. I admired that a lot about Webby at first.” My uncle got up from the sofa taking the plates downstairs and came back checking his pocket watch.

“We shall need to go in a little while to hit everything that we want to. The bakery said zat the cake wouldn’t take too long actually. Zey have done that sort of thing before I presume.” I couldn’t help the tears in my eyes as I quickly dried them away.

“Thank you again uncle Ludwig, for the cake and for everything else that you’ve done for me.” I thanked him and he just lightly ruffled my hair with a small smile.

“It is no need for ze thanking. Not if I wanted to do it and if I wanted to see your little face light up with happiness.” He reasoned with a small smile on his face as he sat down next to me and I put one last piece into the puzzle.

“So where exactly are we going on this extravaganza?” I asked him and he just smiled softly at me gathering his own satchel that matched my own.

“Just to ze mall. Zere are some things that I want to pick out for you.” I cocked my head to the side but shrugged it off just wanting to see where this day would get me.

“I’ll take these books with me as well. I’ll probably start reading one of them in the car.” I saw my uncle smile softly at me kissing my forehead.

“Don’t give yourself ze migraine. Zat will not help you out in ze future. You need to be on your best health for dinner tonight.” I sighed a little bit knowing my uncle was right but not wanting to admit defeat. I didn’t want to have this talk with my other uncles, Daisy, or my brothers. What if they didn’t like what they saw or what they heard?

“I know zat you are nervous about it. But sometimes ze things that we are most nervous about are ze things that we need to ze most. You can do zis. I know zat you can.” He encouraged me with an understanding smile on his face. He squeezed my hand softly and I just sighed.

“Okay you’re right as usual.” He laughed at me in his typical fashion that lit me up inside. I grabbed my yellow satchel that had everything that I needed inside of it.

“You forget starchen I’m right all the time. It’s just zat you and I think about things in a different way than everybody else.” I laughed a little bit at him taking the books anyways and finding them a safe spot inside of my backpack.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I’ll remind you of that the next time that you wear those crazy goggles.” I teased a little bit and he just stuck his tongue childishly at me.

“Zey protect me from ze sparks we’ve talked about zis.” I laughed openly at him as he held the door to the library for me.

“I know I’m just messing with you uncle. Come on, it’s already nearly afternoon and the mall is kinda far from here.” I reminded him lightly knowing not knowing where in the world he had planned on taking the two of us yet.

“It’s just a few errands some things for tonight that I can help you hang up in your bedroom.” I got into his old car that smelled like so many afternoons spent together. I remembered when I was younger and he would take me to the aquarium and teach me about all the fish that were out there in the world.

“I haven’t taken you on an outing in a really long time. Not since you started your lessons with me.” He carefully pulled out of the driveway and I still wondered where in the world we were going and why it was to the mall.

“I missed our old outings. I remember when you used to take me to the aquarium and taught me about all the different kinds of fish that they have there.” I laughed a little bit at the memory since it was of something that seemed so simple.

“You were so cute when you were zat age. Not that you aren’t adorable now but it was different when you were younger. You used to look at everything with little stars in your eyes.” I smiled softly at my best friend and the uncle that had been there for me when I was younger. He was always there for me whenever I needed for him to be.

“I love you uncle Ludwig…” He smiled softly at me running a hand through the fringe that was at the front of my ponytail.

“I love you too so very much mein starchen.” He reminded me lightly as the red light turned green and I watched the rest of the world go by outside my car door. When I saw our large mall and I quickly was led behind him to a store that I had only ever seen before when I looked around with my brother’s.

“Uncle Ludwig… this is…” Pride store was written in bright booming colors at the top. I saw all the colors that were on the flags.

“Come on Sabrina, let’s get you some things for your bedroom.” He put his arm around my shoulders encouragingly.

“Hi! How can I help you both?” I heard the familiar sounds of Freedom ’90 instantly playing inside of the store.

“Hello ‘dere this is my great niece. She just came out to me and I wanted to get her some zings for her bedroom.” My uncle explained to her and I saw the worker’s eyes fill with tears as she looked away from me and a man sighed.

“Forgive my girlfriend, she can be a lot and very emotional. What exactly were you both looking for?” I saw a trans pin on his jacket and I instantly took a deep breath.

“I have a girlfriend in St. Canard. I’m a lesbian and I just came out to him earlier today. I’m doing the rest of my family over dinner tonight. He’s my great uncle and has been my teacher since I was younger.” I mentioned my relation to my uncle who was already looking at everything that he could.

“Is he, a lot?” I nodded my head with a small laugh just looking around my surroundings. The first thing that stood out to me was a lesbian pride flag that I could hang above my bed.

“Oh that’s a really popular pride flag! We make all our pride flags here in house if you wanted something unique written on it I can sew it on or my girlfriend can.” He told me with a small understanding smile getting the material down for me as I looked at it.

“It’s beautiful…” I trailed off but the worker got down another flag with a small smile on his face as he unwoven it in front of me.

“This one is for the feminine presenting lesbians out there. People like my girlfriend, it’s called femme. You look to be the type that puts a lot of care into your appearance so that’s why I think that this one suits you best.” He reasoned and I nodded my head feeling the texture of the flag. Even though I knew that nobody would know what this flag meant, I would. I’d have to explain it a lot more but I’d like that. I wanted to be open about my sexuality and the way that it made me feel personally.

“What’s that you zere?” My uncle asked me and I showed him the two flags that I had found for my bedroom.

“That’s the stereotypical lesbian flag right there and that’s the femme flag sir. What that means is that’s what my girlfriend identifies as. It’s the lesbians that put a lot of care and love into their appearance. She can’t leave the house and come to the store if she’s not looking her absolute best.” The woman in question put her hands on her hips.

“I see how it is, you’re just going to trash talk me. Well I’m not falling for it mister. Come here sweetie, let’s see if we can’t find some other things that you’ll enjoy.” The woman took my hand while my uncle looked at the flags before nodding his head.

“You’re very lucky, to have somebody who loves you that much. He’s willing to work to understand somebody that he’s not even that closely related to. He’s your great uncle?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face.

“I know zat I’m lucky to have him. He’s taught me so much about understanding others and he’s always tried to understand me as well. He works really hard, he’s an inventor even if he’s way past his prime.” I explained about what he did for a living and she just listened to me.

“I think that’s amazing that he cares so much about his great niece. A lot of older people don’t really take the time to understand us youngsters and our orientations. I wanted to show you this! If I know a good femme when I see one you love stuffed animals right?” I nodded my head enthusiastically and she brought down a rainbow bear and a lesbian colored one.

“We also have really soft sweaters and long sleeved shirts for all the sexualities.” I looked at the lesbian one picking it up off the rack.

“I want this one, it’s really pretty.” The worker just smiled at me as I picked up that one and the femme bear that was soft to the touch.

“I think that your great uncle is getting both of those flags for you.” My heart melted seeing him at the cash register waving his hands around as he told eccentric stories.

“He can pretty much talk to anyone for three minutes and they’ll be friends. It’s one of the things that I’ve always admired about him.” I went over to him and he just lightly picked up the two things that I had found not even batting an eye as he paid for everything.

“Now zat’s out of ze way, let’s go to ze bakery and zen to ze manor.” I smiled softly at him as we went back to the car.

“You didn’t have to get me both of those flags uncle Ludwig…” I trailed off and he just smiled at me brightly.

“I did too, zey made you happy and what makes my niece happy I have to purchase. Zat’s the motto for today.” I smiled softly at him as we drove down to the bakery. The smell of sugar cookies, brownies and baked goods instantly hit my nose as I took a picture of the flag cookie to send to Gosalyn. I told myself that I would need to stop her before my flight next month to St. Conard so that me and her could try some.

“Starchen? I got ze goods, come along. It is time to meet up at the manor. Ze sun is nearly setting, time really does fly when you’re having fun.” I took the cake from him lightly carrying it out to the car where all the rest of the items were.

“Well we did spend most of the day shopping at the mall and doing that puzzle. We didn’t even come close to getting the puzzle a quarter of the way done. More for next time?” I offered and he nodded his head getting the car door for me.

“We will definitely do more of ze puzzle next time. I think zat you need a little bit of a break. We don’t want to tire your poor little brain out.” I chuckled lightly at him blowing the fringe out of my eyes. The drive to the manor was spent mostly in companionable silence. I saw Dewey practicing his basketball on the front driveway again.

“Hey Dew!” I waved to my younger brother and I watched as the ball went into the basket when my brother turned around.

“Hey!! How was your day, learn anything cool?” He asked me enthusiastically and I smiled softly at him. Recently his favorite thing had been me second hand teaching him things that would help him on his own homework.

“Sorry to say zat today was one of her free days where I don’t teach her anything. We have zem once a month so zat she can get a break and not overwork herself.” Dewey took the cake from my hands and tried to open it when I glared at him.

“No peaking at the dessert I see you. Stop that right now, the dessert is a surprise.” I warned him lightly taking it from him knowing that the curiosity would only make him want to look more.

“What could be so secret about cake?” I sighed a little bit playing with the hem of my dress skirt and he just put his arm around my shoulders.

“Want to tell me what’s been going on with you? You’re doing it again, closing yourself up into your own little shell. I thought that you weren’t going to do that again?” He reminded me and I just sighed heavily nodding my head.

“I’ll tell you once we’ve all seated for dinner. I want to tell this to everyone at one time. Uncle Ludwig already knows since I spent the day with him. The cake has something to do with that since I couldn’t stop him from buying it.” Dewey nodded his head in understanding lightly shoving my shoulder with a small smile.

“I think I already have a decent idea of what it is and I’m totally fine with it. If she makes you happy then that’s great. You deserve somebody that could make you happy. I’ve been questioning lately myself which sex I prefer as well. You might not be the only queer sibling.” He joked a little bit and I blinked at my brother as we went inside the manor. I saw uncle Ludwig get everything out of the car and discreetly carry it up to my bedroom.

“He bought you a bunch of things didn’t he?” I nodded my head with a small laugh rubbing the back of my neck with a small smile.

“Yeah that’s pretty much what happened. We spent hours at the mall today and he pretty much bought me an entire store. He spoils me a lot more than I deserve.” Dewey just laughed a little bit at me helping me to carry the cake into the kitchen.

“Hey Lou! I’m back you lazy bum, have you even moved today?” I teased lightly and he just flipped me off from the couch.

“How was your day?” I sat down next to him and I put my feet over his lap with a small smile on my face.

“It was good! I spent the day with uncle Ludwig and we did a lot of fun things together. Are you hungry yet?” He nodded his head putting up his switch for the day and stretching his arms with a small sigh as the joints popped.

“Dinner is ready family.” Uncle Donald called from the dining room and I just sighed a little bit. It was better to just do it now and get it over with. Ripping it off like a bandaid and then having their ridicule and judgement for the rest of my life if that’s what happened.

“Sabrina are you hungry?” Mrs. Beckley asked me and I nodded my head with a small smile on my my face.

“Yes I am! I haven’t eaten truly since breakfast today.” She led all of us into the dining room where my uncle Scrooge was sitting at the front of the table. I kissed his cheek with a small smile on my face.

“Hello lass, how was your day?” I nodded my head just sitting at the his right side with uncle Ludwig next to me.

“Do you want to hold my hand starchen?” My uncle murmured with a small smile in his face. I leaned my head against his shoulder with a small smile back.

“I know that a lot of you have been worried about me for the last month or so. I just want to let you know that there isn’t anything wrong with me living here. That’s not the problem. It has nothing to do with any of you. Family, I’m a lesbian. I’ve been dating Gosalyn for the last month and a half.” I admitted the thing that I had been hiding from everyone and I saw Dewey make a small fist bump.

“That’s it? That’s all that you wanted to tell us? Lass, we already figured that you had more than friendship feelings for your best friend. At least I did. What about you Donald?” My uncle Donald swept me into a big hug.

“Sabrina I’ve always loved you just the way that you were. The you that would hide herself away and read her books, the you that would play her violin only in the privacy of her own room, and the you that looked at Gosalyn like she hung you the moon stars. She makes you happy. I am so proud of you for telling me.” He encouraged me thumbing away the tears and my mom just wrapped her arms around the two of us tightly.

“I love you, so much Sabrina. There isn’t a thing wrong with you for feeling the way that you do about Gosalyn. Everyone in the world has someone that can match them. I genuinely think that she is yours.” My heart warmed into my chest and I looked over at Louie who had an understanding look in his eyes.

“I get why you kept it from us. You were scared that you would be rejected.” I nodded my head and Huey just ran to give me a tight hug.

“You’re still my favorite sibling sis, I’ll always think that you are. This is just another thing that I can add to the list of things about you that are amazing!” Huey had always been the brother that was closest to me and I watched Dewey bite his lower lip.

“She’s not the only one that’s not straight. I’m still trying to figure my sexuality out but I know that it isn’t just girls that I like.” Webby just squeezed my hand with a small smile. I knew that this was the happiest that I would ever be. Everyone in my family had accepted me the way that I wanted to be and the way that I was. And what in the world could have been better than that?

#DuckTales fic #ludwig von drake #ocs #writing #fanfic #requests

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resbang-bookclub · 8 years

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AMA Transcript: A Lack of Armor

Last week, we held our first AMA in the discord chat with @amberlehcar, @peregr1ne and @thesockswhowearsfox, where lots of people stopped in to ask about their work on A Lack of Armor! Here’s some of what went down:

Q: Amber, could you take me through your process of conceiving/planning out this fic? What inspired it originally?

AmberLehcar: Oh man okay, so there was a post floating around that was like "I headcanon Soul as trans and here's why" and I just really dug it.

Peregrine: Wait, was it mine?

AmberLehcar: I don't remember who it was, but they said things like him being hypermasculine to appear more "manly."

Peregrine: I did say that in mine. That's crazy.

AmberLehcar: This was supposed to be for last year's Resbang, so I've kinda forgotten exactly what was all there, but it probably was yours.

Q: So what you are saying is that you and Pere were destined to work together?

AmberLehcar: Pere claimed me last year too! I had to back out after fic claims because life was becoming too much.

Peregrine: I mean you did come to me before that.

AmberLehcar: I did ask Pere a lot of questions. I'm cis/het, so I had a lot to learn and was really lucky that Pere was open and willing to teach me along with being an overall great partner.

Peregrine: I tried my best ^^; It's not like it was hard, just talking about myself pfft.

AmberLehcar: It was helpful though!

Peregrine: I'm glad it was. Was there more you wanted to say about the process?

AmberLehcar: I did a ton of research and was really invested in it. I see a lot of posts about the lack of representation for the LGBT+ community and really felt like I wanted to add.

Peregrine: Yeah, lack of representation really gets to me, especially because what representation there is is highly fetishized and honestly i'd rather have no rep than fetish rep.

Q: For all parties involved, where/how do you feel like you grew the most during this Resbang?

Peregrine: This was my first event where I did more than one fic, so working through that was hard, but I'm glad I did because I really wanted both.

AmberLehcar: I think when I've written in the past, I've been really "this happened then this happened" etc. It was a lot more introspective this time around, so I focused a lot more on the feelings of the characters and evoking feelings in the reader. When I tried to enter this last year, I got to like 6k words but really struggled to get there. With a new direction, I got to 30k fairly easily.

Sox: Well, it was my first Resbang and the first song I'd written since I was....18 I think. Just managing to write and record the song was a lot of growth for me.

Q: Amber, I am always interested in fic titles. Did you come up with the title of your fic beforehand, or did it develop as the story was created?

AmberLehcar: Okay, so I take all my chapter and fic titles from songs or lyrics. But A Lack of Armor made perfect sense to me because of my therapy. A few times in therapy we'd talked about putting on armor that was representative of support and good things in my life. The song "A Lack of Armor" has a line that says "like a knight without his armor I don't know who I am" and this all kinda spoke to me and fit really well with Soul and his depression/anxiety. I came up with the idea pretty much from the start and it's been with me since.

Q: You said it was a Motion City Soundtrack song, right?

AmberLehcar: All the chapter titles are from MCS songs, because I am trash lol. But they sorta go with the mood of each chapter if you go back and look at them.

Sox: Can confirm Amber is MCS trash.

Q: There's a sick playlist somewhere right?

AmberLehcar: I do have a playlist! https://open.spotify.com/user/1266385830/playlist/3xN37XwvUGsVqZNuhpRtng

Q: Most of the time it seems the usual characterization for the Evans fam is for Soul's father to be the 'worse' parent, either that or both of them being equally bad. (At least that's my view.) So I am wondering: was your decision to make Soul's dad the more accepting one an intentional subversion or did it just happen?

AmberLehcar: It just sorta happened? I am not a Mama Albarn fan. Aside from Marie, there are no good mamas in the series, so I just kinda went with that.

Sox: Blair begs your pardon.

[insert chorus of screaming about everyone's love for Blair]

AmberLehcar: Blair takes such good care of her kittens. Okay I lied, Blair and Marie are good. But yeah, I didn't want him to have absolutely no support from parents, and someone had to have taught Wes to be a good person. So Papa Evans eventually came around.

Q: For Pere: was there a scene that you knew immediately you wanted to illustrate and/or was it difficult to choose scenes to draw?

Peregrine: I definitely wanted to draw the first hug scene when I read it, when Maka was accepting, because the feelies. And then later Amber had mentioned how there was going to be a scene where soul plays his song for Maka, and I knew I really wanted to draw that too, but it wasn't written yet, so I asked her to describe the scene more for me in advance so i could draw it. She didn't have a solid idea though, so some stuff I made up, and she wrote the scene to fit my picture later actually ^^;

AmberLehcar: Your art definitely helped flesh out the scene there, thank you.

Sox: I love when Pete draws things.

Sox: *Pere

[Lots of people yelling about Pete]

Sox: God damn it.

Peregrine: The first pic with the hair I also just thought would be cute to draw, and then just for visual concepts, I wanted to draw the different stages of Soul as a bonus even if they didn't actually ever appear in the story ^^;

AmberLehcar: That first pic with the hair cutting is probably my favorite. I love them all, but that just made my heart flutter.

Q: Sox I have sort of the same question for you, did certain scenes inspire certain lyrics?

Sox: Uhhhh no not so much. I tried to write around the Mood of the fic and I talked to a local Atlanta musician about her experiences being trans with a bad family as a kid and tried to fit those to where Amber had Soul coming from. (Originally I was trying to write a SoMa Romance song but then... it came out as a Self Love Fuck you Mom song).

AmberLehcar: I'm glad it changed. At some point when writing I realized the fic was more focused on their relationship than him, so I tried to change it up. I'm glad the song evolved that way too. After I got one of the last drafts of the song, I included it in chapter 8 in case people were wondering.

Q: For Amber: what made you want to put Kim as Soul's neighbor out of any other character? What made you want to do the neighbor sub plot in the first place?

AmberLehcar: Representation mostly. I love me some JacKim and thought that having a grump next door that Soul ends up kinda befriending and/or helping would be interesting. Kim was kinda a weird facet for me to write through. As someone who feels everything 110%, being in love can be kinda scary sometimes, so her thoughts on love are pretty darn close to my own: wanting to love someone wholeheartedly but being afraid of exactly how deeply you can really love someone.

Sox: I FEEL.

Q: There's a scene where they're watching a Youtube video. Is that video significant to you in some way, Amber? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wWBLbQInqk)

AmberLehcar: Not at all. I was talking with Brian about assignments for the first day of class, and he mentioned he had to do that exact assignment and chose that exact video. The song's not bad and the video is... interesting?

Q: For Pere: What program do you use and whats your general process for art?

Peregrine: I use FireAlpaca because it's free lol. I usually do like, a base sketch that's really scribbly and focuses on like motion lines, if that makes sense. And then i decrease the opacity of that one and draw the actual lineart on a different layer on top, and then colour. Very rarely I'll keep drawing on the base sketch and just clean it a little but that's mostly for more actiony gestural stuff, or highly detailed things where I'm not bothered about solid lineart.

Q: How long-ish did each of your drawings take? Do you tend to draw faster when you're feeling inspired, do you have a creative process or anything?

Peregrine: Ah, I never know what to say when someone asks how long it takes, because it varies so much. But yeah, usually a drawing will take a few days if it's something average and not like the fricking Pacific Rim art I did way back when, which took like a month. I can do most pieces in a day if i'm properly inspired but it's like: yes, I can get this done in only a few hours, but those are completely straight drawing hours - no food or bathroom breaks or chit chats to be had. Honestly the longest part of the drawing process is actually the sketchy first part because I need to plan it out perfectly until i can see the end product in my head and then i can start actually working, and that can take weeks.

[insert group yelling about how great Pere's art is]

AmberLehcar: The boys brought me to literal tears every time they updated me.

Sox: Lies.

AmberLehcar: EVERY TIME.

Peregrine: I spent 5 hours drawing Soul's hair even though I finished the entire rest of the picture in 2.

Sox: I just had a mental image of Pere screaming the lyrics to Maroon 5's "Misery" while drawing.

Peregrine: That's me.

Q: For Amber: what were your easiest/hardest scenes to write & why?? Were there any that were easier/trickier to write than you expected? Bonus: favorite scene to write?

AmberLehcar: All of chapter 4 is crap and I'll fight anyone who disagrees with me. For some reason writing just general happy, normal life was really hard. The pain though, that was kiddy stuff. The first full scene I wrote was Soul's accidental confession. The idea just messed me up and I couldn't stop writing until it was all done. It's probably my favorite scene too, followed closely by Maka's acceptance.

Q: You super did not write linearly. That's so cool, I have to go in order.

AmberLehcar: No, I rarely do.

Peregrine: Man it was kind of tough reading your drafts, tbh.

Sox: SAME PERE

AmberLehcar: I'm so sorry!!

Sox: "How am I gonna write a song none of this is in order" XD

AmberLehcar: I need to give people an instruction manual for how to read my WIPs.

Peregrine: There were so many scenes that were like, great scenes on their own, but then I'm like wait, how did we get from point A to point ? Also, reading updates was hard because everyone else I've fic'd with was like 'oh just scroll down to wear you last read' but in this fic it was like... I know something was added... but where tho...

Sox: Slide to the left

Sox: Slide to the right

AmberLehcar: Never beta for me, it's a nightmare.

AmberLehcar: (That's a lie, please always beta for me, I need all the help I can get.)

Sox: Yeah but working with you is a dream tbh.

AmberLehcar: The nice thing about not writing linearly is that I could really easily work with my partners to add in ideas they had. I don't know that it was easy for them, but making it more of a collab that way was really neat for me.

Q: Do you outline everything out beforehand?

AmberLehcar: As much as I can. I derail if I don't.

Q: AmberLehcar, how did you decided where to put scenes/order them?

AmberLehcar: I have an outline template I wrote up based on a youtuber's outlining method! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eP73LMnphqEUn20mKd78_EB_qPlbXjklvkXLknxl5R0/edit?usp=sharing. This is the outline that I've been using recently, it's been really helpful. You guys are welcome to use it!

Q: Amber, would you say this outlining method helped? Just in comparison to past fics etc.

AmberLehcar: Definitely. I have so many incomplete fics simply because I didn't outline or didn't outline enough.

Q: So was the end planned? That is the hardest part for me.

AmberLehcar: More or less. It definitely changed a lot. I don't have any versions of the original ending, and there's still stuff from the finished product I don't remember because I literally finished at 3 a.m. the day of posting. I always have a very clear image of how the opening to any chapter or fic goes, but the end is always weird.

Q: Do you remember anything from the first version? How'd they differ?

AmberLehcar: I know the first half was a little different at the start of Resbang last year, but I have the worst memory... There was definitely supposed to be more NB Crona. Crona was supposed to be kinda the comic relief, making comments about their computer sciences classes that Soul does not understand. They named their laptop Nora and talk about it like it's a person. "Sometimes when Nora doesn't do what I want, I have to hit her" or something like that, make Soul concerned for this poor child. The "octagonal day" joke made it to the final cut. I think there was a scene at the end where Crona and Soul were supposed to be good friends after the "there's 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't." Because it's a math joke and a binary joke.

Sox: Amber Sox: Is Sox: A Sox: NERD

Q: What was the funnest part of the fic for you to write, Amber? Or the part you were looking forward to the most?

AmberLehcar: Writing Black Star was fun. There's a few one liners that I love. My favorite bit is when Maka asks for his name and the next bit is "Nervous. Stupid. Sweating." I needed that smooch like life itself. I played with them kissing when Maka apologizes and they made up, but it didn't feel right. So I saved a sweet normal smooch for the end scene.

Sox: I literally cackled out loud on a train reading "no party like a floor meeting party because a floor meeting party is MANDATORY."

AmberLehcar: That was one of my other fave lines. My goals for the fic were representation, make it as realistic as possible, and make people feel things. I like to think I did a good job?

Sox: You accomplished all.

Peregrine: Man the parents thing hit me so hard, you did a good job.

Q: I'd love to hear about your process/writing rituals?

AmberLehcar: When it was a scene I was particularly excited to write or just suddenly inspired, I can just sit and write. But most of the time it's me sitting at the computer with tea asking myself why I do this to myself and then I just make myself write.

Q: Is there anything else you wanted to add other than more NB Crona, Amber?

AmberLehcar: When Pere showed me art of Soul's physical progression, I kinda wanted an epilogue of Soul post surgery, but time and lack of confidence in writing it well... I don't think anyone understands exactly how nervous I was to write this. I waffled a while with "you have no business writing this, you are cis, please stop."

Peregrine: Nooo it's cool because you asked. I definitely didn't think I could write trans Soul but I hoped someone would, if they asked and did it right. Which you did.

Sox: One of my close friends is trans, and when I sent him Eden, I thought he was going to tell me he hated me. And then he didn't and I was v relieved.

AmberLehcar: I definitely wanted to be as respectful and real as possible. Again, representation matters, and I wanted to help create a thing I hadn't seen done in our fandom.

Sox: You did good.

AmberLehcar: I'm really glad. I stalked the boys' tags on their work along with my own, and someone had reblogged Pere's art and was really grateful for trans Soul. I was glad to be a part of that.

Q: Did you make any playlists or anything like that to get into the writing mood? Or headspace of a character?

AmberLehcar: For headspace, Soul and I are very similar. I too am a bag of anxiety and depression trying to pass as a human. A lot of my college and therapy experience went into the fic. There's little bits of me in pretty much everyone.

Peregrine: I have my trans boy song i listened to a lot pfft. It's from Treasure Planet.

Q: Ooo which song Pere?

Peregrine: I'm Still Here. If you look at it through a trans lens its super fitting. It's like my fave song ever.

Some additional post-AMA discussion:

Q: Amber, I think that's a sign of a good writer, to take from one's own experiences and such.

AmberLehcar: Write what you know, right? And what you don't know, you find out. The whole experience definitely gave me a new appreciation for the LGBT+ community, that's for sure. I knew some stuff, but I learned so much.

AmberLehcar: To go back and slightly change my answer for difficult scene to write, while all of ch4 was like swimming in syrup to get written, Mama Evans outburst was so difficult to write. There was just so much anger and I felt icky writing a lot of that chapter in general. Writing Maka having to purposely misgender him hurt.

Peregrine: I really liked the parents thing actually even though i hated it. It felt raw and real.

AmberLehcar: So much pain, the whole time I'm just like "why would I hurt my son like this???"

Q: Noticed you guys were still talking and guh I loved your collective art/story!!! I now know the gap between dimensions can't be breached because if it could I'd have reached through the screen and force-choked Mama Evans. I was kind of mad at Maka too though like... I can understand that Soul needed some time to himself, away from her, to really figure things out, but ;-;

AmberLehcar: Yes! Maka was an interesting situation to figure out.

Peregrine: Yeah I loved what you did there actually, because as much as I wanted her to be perfect, she wasn't perfect.

AmberLehcar: I didn't want her to just immediately come back like "sorry you startled me, let's get married."

Peregrine: As much as I want people to immediately accept me, they don't, even if they do eventually. It wasn't fantasy perfect world, it was real world.

Q: I think... that's good. At first I thought Maka would be more likely to start off rough around the edges and then end the story gracefully. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if you're going to relate realistic stories about trans people/anyone in a similar situation, you probably have to... I don't want to say "break the reader's heart" because that would imply that those stories can't have happy endings, which they can and should at least as often as any other kind of story, but it put me in Soul's shoes and made me accept how likely it is that someone who is trans/lgbt/otherwise oppressed will be badly hurt by someone they think the world of, someone who's hard to leave behind. I dunno if I spoke out of turn there, but i think it was an empathically-written story. In my inexperienced opinion.

AmberLehcar: That's definitely what I was going for. I wanted Maka to be his closest friend, for his sake and for my shipping heart's sake. But she was just too good to be true when I was writing her, so her running away happened. I was so stuck after I wrote his confession, I didn't know how to have her react. But when I thought about some of the internalized transphobia I know I've been guilty of, it made sense to add for her. It felt real.

Look out for some more transcripts, coming soon!! Thanks again to Amber, Pere and Sox for their awesome AMA <3

#a lack of armor #rbbc #resbang AMAs #AMA transcripts

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