#i probably need better underwear for this to work better. tbh. cuz that thing is trying to escape like it life depends on it rn

[cannibaleather]

My packer slips out of my jeans and hits the floor with a solid splat and proceeds to melt through and drop into the room below like xenomorph blood

[dialoversotaka]

DL Character Meme

Hey guys! Another DL tag game, yay! Thanks for tagging me, ma’ bros @vampiretsuki and @mythicamagic (i feel so loved, srsly)! Anyway, here we go:

Rules: List your top 10 favorite DL characters (it doesn’t just have to be the dateable guys, any characters are fair game) in order. And the answer the questions. Blank questions at the end.

1. Ayato 2. Subaru 3. Shin 4. Carla 5. Reiji 6. Ruki 7. Yuma 8. Kou 9. Shuu 10. Azusa

1. Number 5 (Reiji) has decided they want to completely change up their wardrobe and they take you shopping with them so you can give your opinions on what new outfits they should buy. What sort of clothes are you going to recommend? Wooah, that’s so crazy! Tbh, idk if Reiji would listen to my opinions... anyway, I’d reccommend respectable, but stylish clothes, I think they suit him well

2. You walk into your room one day to find number 2 (Subaru) standing on your bed, dancing to your favourite song while wearing nothing but your favourite underwear. How do you react? I’d start to laugh and cringe at the same time, then I’d make him go out and start listening to ‘’The Sound of Silence’’ trying to make sense of what just happenned and be traumatized for life

3. Number 7 (Yuma) has to go to the dentist but they’re adamantly refusing. How would you persuade them to go? Idk how Yuma thinks very well, so idk a good way for me to convince him... my strategy is usually sweet talk first, and if that doesn't work, threatening is right after, but it wouldn’t work on Yuma since i wouldn’t make him afraid haha

4. You lose a bet with number 6 (Ruki) and now have to be their personal maid for a day. Do you go through with it or do you try to get out of it? I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t ask for anything sexual, but i’m too lazy and doing chores is a pain in the ass for me! But I guess it’s better to put up with it if I don’t want to get punished

5. Number 4 (Carla) takes you to see a horror movie however they end up getting absolutely terrified halfway through and bury their head into your shoulder. How do you react? ...There’s just NO WAY he’d do it, srsly! What about his pride as a Founder King? I mean, I wouldn’t tease him for it, but I’d sure think there’s something rlly wrong with him that day, thinking like ‘’His Endzeit must be affecting him deeply, not only phiscally but also mentally...’’

6. Number 9 (Shuu) surprises you with a cake they’ve baked especially for you. Are you going to eat it? Oh... i must be very special for Shuu if he gets up to bake a cake for me... I guess I would? But before i’d say ‘’...If you put something inside on purpose and i don’t feel good, i’ll make you my butler until i feel better, you hear me?!’’

7. Number 8 (Kou) accidentally manages to completely trash their room, to the point where it’s uninhabitable. They don’t have anywhere to stay while it’s being repaired and so they ask if they can room with you for the next couple of weeks. How do you respond? Kou, I like you, but I wouldn’t, srry! I’d let you have my room and I’d even clean up yours so you could go back to it, I’d even sleep in the dungeons but i wouldn’t share, srry babe

8. Number 1 (Ayato) has decided to learn how to play the trumpet. The downside to this is that, for some reason, they’ve taken to practicing right outside your room around the time you normally go to sleep. What are you going to do? Ayato, my dear husbando, sometimes you go off the edge! But i don’t think he’d listen if i complained anyway, so i’d let it go till a certain extent, and then when i exploded... well, let’s just say that he would be handling a throwing tantrum Kanato, haha...

9. Number 10 (Azusa) recently purchased a cat onesie and they’ve insisted on wearing it everywhere over the past few days. They’ve now purchased a matching onesie for you and they’re being very insistent that you wear it and go out in public together. What do you do? Aww man! How can I say no to cutie Azusa? I’d go once, but more than that I don’t think I would... it’s too embarassing and i don’t like cats so much

10. Number 4 (Carla) is still scared after watching that horror film with you. It’s now late at night and they’re demanding that you let them sleep in your bed with you. What do you do? I’d be rlly suspicious and still think that the Endzeit’s effects were too strong that day, so i’d say there’s no problem and then wait till he was asleep to get the hell outta there and sleep somewhere else (i’m cunning and kinda deceiving when i feel threatened)

11. Number 3 (Shin) confesses to you that they want to be an Olympic gymnast but struggle to even touch their toes. What sort of advice do you give to them? I’d laugh (srry), but then i’d say that he needs to start doing some flexibility exercises every day and gradually he’d be able to pursue his dream

12. Number 7 (Yuma) decides they want to paint a picture of you. They make you sit still for hours while they work on it, only when they finally reveal it to you, the image bears absolutely no resemblance to you. They ask you for your opinion, what do you say? I’d thank him for the effort and say that it’s good, but that it doesn’t look like me so much and say ‘’if you want to try again some other time, just ask me and i’ll do it with joy ok? Don’t be sad! I took 1 year to draw bearable things to the eye and 3 years to get a good looking Foxy OC, so don’t lose hope ok!’’

13. Number 5 (Reiji) buys a large pet python and they try to talk you into keeping it in your room. How do you respond? i’d say like ‘’...Wow, Reiji... i mean, i knew you didn’t like me and eventually wanted to kill me, but i didn’t know you wanted to do so in such a horrible way... If you don’t want me here just say so, you stupid four-eyed pidgeon!’’ and then i’d get rlly mad and lock myself in my room till i got calmer...

14. You go on a Ferris wheel with number 6 (Ruki) but when you reach the top, it stops moving and stays still for a long time. There seems to be some kind of fault, which means you’re trapped with number 6 till someone can get it working again. What do you do? I guess we’d stay in a rlly akward silence and i’d try not to make eye contact with him until he gets annoyed by it and maybe we start having a normal conversation? I hope it would turn out like this, srsly

15. Number 2 (Subaru) proposes you play a game of twister. Regardless of whether you want to or not, you get dragged into it. As you’re playing, you notice number 2 seems to be touching you a lot more than necessary. Do you call them out on it, or take some other course of action? I guess I’d point it out like ‘’oooh, so you wanted to play with me just so you could freely touch me, ya punk? Who d’ya think you are?!’’ just to see his tsundere reaction and enjoy how cute it’d be haha (srry, I’m S, i can’t control it)

16. You’re getting changed in your room when you suddenly hear a noise from your wardrobe. You open the wardrobe to find number 3 (Shin) standing in it. How do you react? ‘’...Wtf??’’

17. Number 1 (Ayato) manages to accidentally handcuff themselves to you. They don’t have a key and for some reason, no matter what either of you do, you can’t seem to get them off. What are you going to do? ‘’Accidentally’’, yeah right! Me knowing Ayato, that’d probably be on purpose and he wouldn’t quit unless it was troublesome, so i’d do my best to piss him off and make him find the key. I mean, unless he wants to spend an afternoon with tantrum Kanato, I’d suggest he found it the quicker he could

18. Number 10 (Azusa) presents you with a bouquet of roses and declares that they have feelings for you. How do you react? Oooh man... I’d be so heartbroken to have to turn him down since I love Ayato... but of course, i’d do it gently and explain to him as calmly as i could, choosing well my words, but i’d feel guilty after... aaah, srry Azusa!

19. You go swimming with number 8 (Kou). You’re having a great time until they pull you aside and tell you that they’ve somehow lost their swimwear. Are you going to help them and if so how? I’d say ‘’how tf did you lose it, srsly?’’ but after i’d help him find it and if we couldn’t, i’d go and buy him a new one

20. Number 5 (Reiji) wrote a love letter to you and slipped it into what they believed to be your locker, however the locker actually belongs to number 8 (Kou) and they didn’t bother writing your name on the letter. How does number 8 react when they find it? Ohoho, I don’t even want to think what it’d be like... it’d end up badly for sure, but still be funny

21. Number 7 (Yuma) gets very very drunk and tries to give number 3 (Shin) a strip tease. What happens? Shin would be sooo pissed haha and i would laugh and cringe (laugh cuz it’d be funny and cringe cuz i don’t like yaoi, just by imagining it i get nauseated)

22. Number 6 (Ruki) and number 2 (Subaru) get into a rap battle and they want you to be the judge. Who do you think is going to win and why? Idk! I don’t have such a great imagination for things like this... i’d have to see it happen to have a conclusion (srry)

23. Number 1 (Ayato) accidentally ruins number 9’s (Shuu) most prized possession and begs for your help in covering it up. What do you do? That is just so predictable, Ayato ruining things haha! I guess Shuu’s most prized possession is his violin? We wouldn’t be able to cover it up, I think he’d find out and we’d be DEAD

24. You wake up in between number 4 (Carla) and number 10 (Azusa) with absolutely no memory of how you got there. Do you have any idea about what might have occurred and what are you going to do now? ...I’d have no idea of what happened, but i’d scream and think the worse scenarios... probably kill myself if they didn’t explain it either

25. You go on a camping trip with number 9 (Shuu), number 6 (Ruki) and number 3 (Shin). What sort of stuff do the four of you do together? Haha, i thin they’d be fighting and nagging about everything the other does and i’d find it funny till it begins to annoy me and shout “STOP FIGHTING, GODDAMNIT!”

26. Number 9 (Shuu) and number 4 (Carla) have somehow swapped bodies. How do they react and are you going to try to help them get back to normal? I think Shuu wouldn’t care so much apart from the Endzeit and i bet Carla would be outraged haha it’d be funny, but i’d ask if Reiji or Ruki could help in some way

27. You’re playing a game of Monopoly with number 5 (Reiji), number 7 (Yuma), and number 10 (Azusa). Who wins and who goes bankrupt and storms off in a rage? Reiji wins of course, the rest goes bankrupt and Idk if Yuma would rage... i think noone would rage, it’s just a game rlly

28. You go on a hike with number 8 (Kou) and number 2 (Subaru). Number 8 is in charge of the map and they manage to get you completely lost in the middle of nowhere. What are you going to do? It’s a possible scenario haha, I bet Subaru would get pissed and they start fighting, but i’d say ‘’calm down for a second and listen!’’ and i’d suggest we rest for a bit and try to find ourselves the right way by analyzing the map well and then keep going once we’re sure of the way

29. Number 1 (Ayato) has given up on learning the trumpet and has taken up the banjo instead. They write a song and play it for you but it sounds beyond terrible. How do you react? He’d be angry if i got honest and said it wasn’t... ideal, but to keep practicing so he could be the best!

30. Number 1 (Ayato) and number 2 (Subaru) get in a fight over you. Number 2 manages to win and asks you for your hand in marriage. How do you respond? Aaah why do you have to divide me like that?? I mean, it wouldn’t be bad to marry Succhan, but my #1 is Ayato! But if he liked me for who I am and not bcz i’m food, i’d have no problem on accepting it

I tag: @shadyraisincookie @soranokiku @tabooneko and @firstbloodkingdl 

[broke-ass-twat]

Can I have all the numbers for all the things?

First of all, I’d like to say that you are dead to me and that I hope thy end is with the end of the universe. I hope that you ] watch as all of creation fades from being and all of your friends and family are dead and gone so long beforehand that their existence means nothing to something as eternal as you. All is empty and nothing matters. Slowly, as everything collapses, you welcome the release of not existing at all only to learn that you are all that is.

On to the questions! I’m somewhat tipsy so this should be interesting

1.First kiss?

I suppose the first kiss I had was on a dare so some random dude I don’t give a shit about. Actual first kiss would be with my first partner and it was rather nice as we had just started dating that day and they asked if we could kiss then immediately after that we made out. I’ve gotten sorta better at it since then but I guess being taught that is just sort of how I kiss now. A lot of fun that was.

2. First time masturbating?

I think my first time was in about 5th grade. Details here are unneeded but were milf-y in nature.

3. First sex toy?

Never had a sex toy. Hands work well enough

4. First kink tried?

Ummm. I don’t think I’ve tried anything particularly kinky although I have been sort of dom or sub at points.

5. First time doing oral?

With my first partner. When I was like 18 or something. Good experience all around. Still sort of curious about their thoughts on it though I can’t imagine it was mind-blowing.

6. First time having sex?

Same as above

Turn Ons

1. Biggest turn on?

The person being into what I’m doing. So basically validation that I’m good at what I’m doing but genuine and not just to appease me.

2. Biggest turn off?

Opposite of the above. Also probably a lack of effort on their part. I don’t wanna do everything.

3. Quickest way to get horny?

…..

Surprise me in a good way

4. Weirdest thing that ever turned you on?

Watercolor paintings that were just really well done

5. Top 3 places to be touched?

Umm. This is like tmi even for me. I’ll leave it out at just make out with me really nicely. Passionately but not urgently. Nice and slowly.

6. Ultimate fantasy?

Don’t have one in mind.

7. Do you like the idea of a three or moresome?

Not particularly. If I were intoxicated I’d be more open to the idea

8. Do you send nudes? Do you like receiving them?

I do send nudes and I really like receiving them especially if I’m not expecting it.

Preferences

1. Sex or masturbation?

Sex by far. Up until recently i’d say masturbation but the feel of comfy sex and the dynamic of another person is so much more fun. At times I’d say about even however. It depends. Sex is preferable however.

2. Spit or swallow?

I have like no opinion on this as I do neither. 

3. Cut or uncut dicks?

Aesthetically cut

4. Rough or sensual sex?

Sensual. Its much more fun when sex is occasionally rough. But normally I prefer sensual.

5. Oldest person you’d sleep with?

About a year older than me. I thought it’d meant oldest person I’d slept with but I’d probably sleep with someone up to like a decade older than me.

6. Loud or quiet partners?

I do like loud but quiet is fine as well. I just like to know when I’m doing something right.

7. How much foreplay do you like?

A decent amount but not a huge amount. I dunno. It depends on the partner.

8. How much teasing do you like?

I’m rather impatient so I don’t per se like too much teasing but in doses it can be nice.

9. What is too big for you to take?

I don’t take anything sooooo… 0 inches? Experimentation would probably have a prerequisite amount of alcohol.

10. Do you do hookups or only sleep with a partner?

I can hook up with a partner although I’d say that’s more rare than standard

11. How much kissing do you like during sex?

Honestly a hard question. I really really like intimacy but that can be sacrificed if something feels really good or is really hot. So it depends on the situation.

12. What’s the most attractive part of the body?

That’s highly variable but I’d tend to say the face.

Location

1. Favourite place to have sex?

In a bed.

2. Would you have sex in public?

Yah probably. Already have.

3. Last place you had sex?

In a bed

4. Where would you most like to have sex?

Still in a bed. I suppose a really nice rooftop would be a lot of fun.

5. Do you like spontaneous sex, or do you need to be in the mood?

Spontaneous sex is really fun sex. It doesn’t take too much to get me in the mood

6. Could you go through with a hookup at a strangers house?

Yah I probably could. I mean if I’m having sex with them chances are I have a rather good opinion of the person and know them to some extent. I think I’d have to be pretty drunk to just sleep with someone out of nowhere.

I just fucking stopped caring about formatting and might fix it later.

Kinks

What’s your biggest kink?

I don’t really have specific kinks. More like I have vague ideas of them and don’t care enough or feel comfortable enough to say them.

What’s your limit?

I don’t like pain that much

Are you okay with name calling in bed?

Name calling is alright I guess?

Would you do any BDSM?

Yah. I can do some light domination or be a sub but with just domination not pain.

Do you prefer to tie somebody up or be tied up?

Either. i don’t think I have a preference

Favourite type of bondage?

Don’t have one

Do you like orgasm denial/forced orgasm?

I think I would.

Do you like overstimulation?

Sort of. It’s a little much sometimes.

Do you like having pain involved?

No

Do you like biting/being bitten?

Lightly

Have you ever been made to/made somebody beg for it?

I’ve sort of made someone beg for it and that was a lot of fun. I think its fun in doses but if it was regular it might make it less interesting

Do you have any strange or extreme kinks?

No I don't 

Have any roleplaying preferences?

Nope

Send a kink with this number. Do you have that kink?

What? Also I really have to say tumblr has some incredibly shit formatting and it really bothers the fuck out of me.

Masturbation

Do you own sex toys? How many?

No.

Favourite Sex Toy?

Don’t have one

What do you masturbate to?

Porn.

How often do you masturbate?

Probably at least once a day

How often do you use sex toys to masturbate?

I dont

Do you masturbate with penetration?

No

Do you go for multiple rounds or settle at one or no orgasms?

When i’m having sex I can go for up to 3 rounds. Masturbation generally ends at one. with a protocolary session.

Oral

Do you enjoy giving oral?

Sort of.

Do you prefer giving or receiving oral?

I think I like receiving more.

What makes you orgasm the fastest when receiving oral?

I have never orgasmed from oral

Do you have a preferred technique for giving oral?

Licking out the ABCs has worked pretty well. I like also licking out circles or just aggressively up and down. Thats sort of the extent of my oral tbh. i do have some variation

Can you deep throat?

I don’t think so

For people with dicks…

How long and how thick is it?

Above average length and thickness. About 6 inches and magnums work better cuz of a lil above average thickness

Do you do anal? Top or bottom?

I do not.

Are you circumcised?

yes

Do you like your balls being played with?

Lightly yeah

Do you enjoy prostate stimulation? Ever came from it?

Have not had it done

Where do you like to finish?

Inside if I can honestly. Otherwise just outside.

Sex

Favourite position?

Missionary or cowgirl.

How often do you do unprotected sex?

Like most of the time at this point

How loud are you in bed?

Not very

Do you enjoy having nipples played with?

Yeah

Do you like/dislike/love/hate cum?

I mean its always mine so pretty indifferent

How good are you at dirty talk?

Mediocre if I had to guess

Do you get sleepy after an orgasm?

Sometimes

Other

Do you like wearing/seeing people in lingerie?

Yes

Do you masturbate or have sex with clothes on?

Occasionally

What’s your favourite style of underwear?

Lacey

Are stockings/thigh highs a turn on?

Yes

Ever had somebody say no to a kink you suggested trying?

Nope

Do you trim, shave or leave pubic hair untouched? How do you prefer partners?

I trim. I prefer partners trimmed or shaved

How many orgasms can you have in a day?

Like 4 or so within a short period

How many other people know your dick/bra size?

Like 3 or so I’d say

What do you wear to bed?

Just underwear or nothing. Occasionally pajamas

Do you eat ass? Do you like having your ass eaten?

i’d eat ass and have never had my ass eaten

Try to describe how orgasm feels for you.

A little tingly and my mind goes a little blank for a bit.

Have you ever been to a strip club? How was it? If not, would you?

I have not and I would although I’m unsure how much I would enjoy it

Fun questions!

Do you name your genitalia?

No

What would be your stripper name?

I would never be a stripper

Any funny sex stories?

Not really

What food if any would you use during sex?

Whupped cream or honey 

Would you give somebody a sex toy as a gift?

Yes

What’s the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen?

Umm. Probably extreme anal insertion

Do you often get horny in public?

No not really

Ever used something that isn’t made for sex in the bedroom?

I don’t believe I have

Have you ever walked in on somebody or been walked in on?

Nope

Do you have any friends you’d sleep with?

Probably all of the ones that are female that I have. Unless i find them unattractive which I don’t think has happened yet

Some real creepy shit, get your fix.

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

I would certainly hope my girlfriend meant it

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

Yes considering that I’m only 20. I’d obviously have to find them mature enough

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

With an essay that a teacher graded where I didn’t like the grade but agreed with the commentary and was happy about it. The grade made sense with the commentary although I wanted more.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Rarely

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I suppose frustrated or aggravated probably.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Nothing at the current moment

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

I am wearing a grey Tulane sweatshirt, navy hanes boxers, and black speckled sort of shorts with gold zipper pockets

8. How often do you listen to music?

Fucking often

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans for sure

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

This post must be dated as fuck

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

More antisocial just out of mild social anxiety

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

I have not

13. What about ‘R’?

Also have not

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

I straight up can’t drive

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

I’m sort of vain so yeah

16. Are you going out of town soon?

In about a week

17. When was the last time you cried?

I think its been a week or two

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Yes

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Probably not but green or a stormy color would be cool

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Nah not really

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

Well i’ve technically started this day tipsy sooooo… Not the healthiest way to start a day

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

It would really depend on the guy

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Nope

24. What are you sitting on right now?

A fucking chair

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Yes

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yeah

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

Um. My room mate

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Not particularly

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

I’m not wearing a shirt. I’m wearing a sweatshirt and thats from my university’s website

30. Does anyone hate you?

Probably but I also don’t care about them

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

I thankfully do not.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

Not really honestly. With other people more so

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

No

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

None of them

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Probably

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Yesterday

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Perhaps

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I know someone has feelings for me and I know of at least two other people that did

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Maybe my room mate but probably not

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

I think so

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

Why yes I was

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Yes

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Probably

44. What’s the best part about school?

The people

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

I have very few but I do.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

No

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Annoyingly often

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Nope

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Sort of

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

An essay

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

No

52. Are you nice to everyone?

No

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

I think so

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Definitely wtf

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Pretty decent

56. Do you think you like someone?

I know I do

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

I have

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Girls. I just find them more attractive and easier to talk to in general

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

Yeah

60. Do you hate anyone?

Yes

61. How’s your heart?

Physically and emotionally fine I think 

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Probably

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

As a result of a guy but not over one

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

Don’t know don’t care really

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

No

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

Most certainly not

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

Depends on what and how often I’d say

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

Thankfully not

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My stepfather

70. How do you look right now?

Probably fine

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

I think so

72. Can you commit to one person?

Yes

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Yes

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

No. I have felt sort of used or abandoned though

75. Did you wake up cranky?

I certainly have

76. Are you a jealous person?

Not particularly

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

Definitely

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Yeah

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

Yeah

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Write a pretty lengthy essay

81. Last person you cried in front of?

My roommate’s girlfriend

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

Probably

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

Yes

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

We’d prolly be cuddling

85. Are you over your past?

No I don’t believe I am although I hope I can eventually be

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

Hell yeah

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

No I thik not but it’s a possibility

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

No as we both have different things we’re doing right now and different focuses and obligations

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

Yes

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

I don’t think so

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

Probably

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

Yes

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

No

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

I was not

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

Yes

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

They’re cute

97. Who do you have texts from?

A bunch of people

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Have fun with that. I’d be pretty fucking sad though

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

Myself

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

I don’t believe so

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

Yes

[theolddarkmachine]

Tagged by: No one. (I got it from @ranunculus-fox though!) I saw it and wanted to do it so y’all can know a teeny tiny bit more about me because y’all are awesome and you come by to read what I have to say but don’t know who I am. (Though, I guess you also may not care, which is totally fine too lol) Btw, I have work today and if all goes well I’ll be able to write the chapter today and get it up, but if it’s busy it’ll have to wait till tomorrow. just a heads up.

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better. A - Age: 25 but 26 in like a month and a half. (I celebrate the entire month of September though so I can treat myself XD) B - Birthplace: Tacoma, WA   C - Current time: 11:27am (Comin at you from that central time, yo) D - Drink you last had: My cold brew, but I’m technically working on a water right now. Cold brew sounds cooler though. E- Easiest person to talk to: My bestie Shaun and my little sister. Though I’m sure my sister sometimes wishes it wasn’t so easy so she wouldn’t need to hear some wild things lol F - Favorite song: It’s real hard to pick just one fam. I guess if you really twisted my arm though, “Running From Lions” (Acoustic Demo) by All Time Low. G - Grossest memory: Hm.... toughy. I was a pet sitter so I’ve seen and done some gross stuff lol Probably the time I walked a dog and accidentally poked a hole through the poo bag and got shit under my nails like at the beginning of the walk and I couldn’t do anything about it until I got back to the owner’s house D: H - Horror yes or Horror no: Horror yes! But I feel like I haven’t seen a good horror movie in so long :( I - In love?: Naaaaaah. Don’t think I’ve ever been. Which I suppose means I haven’t been cuz I’m sure I’d know if I had been huh? J - Jealous of people?: In a perfect world I could say no lol But unfortunately I can get REAL jealous. I’m aware of this though and I try to keep it to myself because it shouldn’t be anyone’s issue but my own. L - Love at first sight or should I walk by again?: I'm a hopeless romantic so I say yes. I’ve seen people and instantly known I needed to know them. Don’t think that I’VE felt love at first sight, but I definitely think it’s a possibility. M - Middle name: Kylie, cuz it was originally gonna be my first till my mom decided she wanted to name me after a queen lol (Victoria, for those of you wondering.)  N - Number of siblings: One sister seven years younger than me. (And two dogs that the parental units treat like kids sooooooo) O - One wish: To finally get to a job I enjoy   P - Person you called last: A client. (But as for last person I called because I wanted to- My mom, who was actually just upstairs from me XD) Q - Question you are always asked: “How many tattoos do you have” (Answer: I currently have 10, so I feel like I don’t even have enough to be asked that question.) R - Reason to smile: I’m healthy and alive, I have dogs to cuddle and a job that gives me money for working from home. I get to write for you awesome people and I have a life plan finally. All things considered, I’m doin pretty alright, so what ISN’T there to smile about? S - Song you last sang: I Took A Pill In Ibiza (Original version) last night in the shower T - Time you woke up: 8:30am   U - Underwear color: Blue leopard and lace!  V - Vacation Destination: Well my next one is Dallas to see the bestie, but as for one I’d really love, I’d love to go to London. Europe in general tbh. AND JAPAN! Omg I would LOOOOOVE to go to Japan. My grandma is Japanese and it would be amazing to go see it. Not to mention I’ve always been interested in Japanese culture and food. I just think it would be awesome. It’d also be cool to see South Korea since my mom’s from there. Turns out I got a lot of places I wanna go lol W - Worst habit: I used to be a really bad fingernail and finger skin chewer/picker. Not so much anymore though I do still pick a bit at my thumbs. It’s a nervous tick, so sue me. X - X-rays: None aside from the dental kind  F - Favorite food: Asian food that isn’t seafood lol I can go IN on some Asian food. Ugh, actually I’m craving some gimbap right now :9 Z - Zodiac Sign: VIRGO LYYYYYYYFE

TAG: EVERYONE THAT WANTS TO DO IT! (AKA I’m horrible about tagging people so I’ll leave it up to y’all lol)

[boardwalk-absurdist]

All the numbers! 😊

Aaahhh thank you~ I haven’t done one of these in forever but I love them, so let’s go (under the cut)!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Coffee mugs~ I have one standard reliable water bottle that I carry with me, but I love me a clever/cute coffee mug.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? Chocolate bars, natch.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy~

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? Usually stuff like energetic, bubbly, and smart. They used to say gifted but around 4th grade they weren’t allowed to say that anymore.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? None of the above, I don’t drink soda. The bubbles hurt my tongue.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? Oh man this is an eternal struggle tbh. I think I usually dress a bit more grunge or boho, but I want to be pastel and goth as well? The others I could take or leave.

7. earbuds or headphones? Earbuds, as long as they aren’t those Skullcandy kind with the squishy part that you jam in your ear canal. I hate those.

8. movies or tv shows? Depends on my mood and how much time I have.

9. favorite smell in the summer? This may be weird, but like…sun sweat? You know when you’re laying out comfortably in the sunshine and there’s a nice breeze and you sweat a lil but it’s like just warm? Also the ocean, I love the beach but I live nowhere near one.

10. game you were best at in p.e.? Uh, avoid competitive people as much as possible by running in the opposite direction from the ball? Walk laps rather than play the game? I did not like gym class.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? Nothin’. Sometimes I’ll have a donut or poptarts or pain au chocolat but usually it’s a lotta nothing.

12. name of your favorite playlist? “Players musicals”, a spotify playlist with songs from the 4 musicals my college theatre group did while I was there. Or on my iTunes, I have one called “Power Up” that is all my pump-up jams.

13. lanyard or key ring? …both? I have a keyring on my lanyard.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? Ooh, the Haribo gummy frogs. With like the white part on the bottom? Idk what that shit is but I love it.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. I know it’s a play but we did read it, and I loved it. Alternatively, maybe Brave New World? I found that one fascinating.

16. most comfortable position to sit in? Curled up sideways in an armchair or with my legs thrown over one arm and my back against the other.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? In the summer, I always pick one pair of sandals with a fun pattern so I get cool tan lines on my feet. Otherwise, Merrell Mocs 5evr.

18. ideal weather? Sunny and dry, maybe with a light breeze, and in the mid- to high-70s. Either that or clear, sunny, and between 15 and -15 for like a perfectly brisk day.

19. sleeping position? I usually sleep on my side with my top leg flung out so I’m like half on my stomach. But I can’t actually sleep on my stomach cuz I have titties and they are Not Comfortable.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? Literally anywhere and on anything. I doodle and write on p much any surface I am given.

21. obsession from childhood? …uh. There were several. But I guess Jerry Lewis was the biggie/most embarrassing.

22. role model? That’s a tough one. Probably Bonnie Bassler.

23. strange habits? I eat most foods around the outside and save the center for last. Like poptarts, waffles, sandwiches… I also have a tic where whenever I have my car in neutral I jiggle the stick shift back and forth to like prove to myself that I am in neutral. I’m sure there are more that I’m unaware of that I just think are normal, so hey, if you know me irl and you know of a weird habit that I missed, send it my way.

24. favorite crystal? Idk. Does tiger’s eye count? It’s my favorite semi-precious stone.

25. first song you remember hearing? LORDT I have no idea, probably a Bruce Springsteen song.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Lay in the sunshine. Or swim outside.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? Play in the snow.

28. five songs to describe you? These are more songs describing what it feels like to be me, but: “Fear and Loathing” and “Teen Idle” by Marina and the Diamonds, “I Wanna Get Better” by Bleachers, “Yo Girl” from Heathers, aaaand “Carmen” by Lana Del Rey.

29. best way to bond with you? Work on a show together.

30. places that you find sacred? Difficult to say. I guess anywhere that feels like a liminal space.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Ooh okay so I have this black cropped sleeveless hoodie that says “never trust the living” on a tombstone and has a skull, I like to pair that with some burgundy high-waisted short shorts and tights with embroidered skulls and butterflies. Then those go with my platform black and white sneakers or my 6 inch platform boots with flames on the heels.

32. top five favorite vines? rOaD wOrK aHeAd?; I AM THE SAND GUARDIAN; …wow; “little diddy”; and either happy crismus or WELCOME TO BIBLE STUDY

33. most used phrase in your phone? Probably “fair enough”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? “if you needed brain surgery, would you go to a general practitioner? No? THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL BUYING FISH FROM THE GENERAL STORE” fishtopia may finally be dead but that fucking commercial lives on

35. average time you fall asleep? Like midnight?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? I can has cheezburger?

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Depends. If it’s just for a few days, duffel bag. But I prefer to travel with a suitcase for anything longer than a week.

38. lemonade or tea? Lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Uh I guess lemon cake?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Oh! One time this girl tackled this dude allegedly cuz he wouldn’t share his beef jerky. The school was put on a code yellow while the security guard separated them.

41. last person you texted? Myself, to send some gel pictures from my phone to my laptop.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets. I have shitty girl pants pockets.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? why must you hurt me in this way. I have a denim jacket that I adore, so I guess that one? But I really appreciate the aesthetic of bomber jackets.

44. favorite scent for soap? Irish Spring. am cermet

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? I guess sci-fi.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? I sleep in my underwear.

47. favorite type of cheese? Cheddar or Gruyere.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? No clue. Strawberry, maybe?

49. what saying or quote do you live by? “Once you’re in it, it’s okay.” - This is How, Augusten Burroughs Alternatively, “How unlikely! Yet here we are.” - Spaceman of Bohemia, Jaroslav Kalfar 

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? An inside joke with the Brit, I think. 

51. current stresses? oh the thousands

52. favorite font? Currently I’m really feeling Book Antiqua.

53. what is the current state of your hands? Uh, fine? Clean? My nails are Ready for some new polish.

54. what did you learn from your first job? How to scoop ice cream.

55. favorite fairy tale? I don’t think I have one.

56. favorite tradition? So in my family, we have a routine for putting up the tree (we have a fake tree that we use every year). My dad puts the tree together, my mom rearranges and bends the branches to make it look more realistic, my dad puts the lights on, and then my little brother and I decorate it with all the ornaments. It’s a lot of fun and my favorite part of Christmas.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? An abusive relationship, getting help for depression/anxiety, and my mom’s attempted suicide.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? I’m a p good writer, a decent swimmer, I can do cross-stitch/needlepoint, and I am very good at taking tests/learning.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? “Eat an entire ass.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Slice of life goofy high school comedy. Like Ouran, or the lighter parts of Fruits Basket.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? There’s a line in @scifigrl47‘s fic “Hollow Your Bones like a Bird’s” that has really stuck with me over the years: “It is the farthest from death that I can get, to decide, second by second, not to jump.” In a similar vein, the line “I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spat it out” from the original Avengers movie really made an impression. On a funnier note, the lines “I’ve frequently not been on boats” and “One can hardly eat cucumber sandwiches in an agitated manner” from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and The Importance of Being Earnest respectively never fail to make me laugh.

62. seven characters you relate to? Lordt that is so many. Okay. Alissa Meson from the Truth series, Chidi Anagonye from The Good Place, Lee Fiora from Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld, Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket, Shiloh Wallace from Repo! The Genetic Opera, Augusten Burroughs in his memoirs (not technically a character but I relate so hard), and Bo Burnham’s stage persona (it COUNTS dammit).

63. five songs that would play in your club? “1, 2, Step” - Ciara, “Night Fever” - The BeeGees, “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” - Journey, “Chelsea Dagger” - The Fratellis, and “Damn You Look Good And I’m Drunk (Scandalous)” - Cobra Starship

64. favorite website from your childhood? Quizilla, RIP

65. any permanent scars? Several on my hands (they used to be cat scratches but I picked at them so much they scarred up), two punctures from my cat biting me on my right inner forearm, and one biggun on my left asscheek from when I fell out of a tree and had to get 6 stitches.

66. favorite flower(s)? Poppies, lavender, fireweed, and forget-me-nots.

67. good luck charms? Not really? I have jewelry that I wear every day but that’s more a habit/ritual rather than for luck.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? LORDT okay so I worked at an ice cream shop two summers in a row, right? There was this DISGUSTING cranberry stout flavor, and a p gross ginger one, plus every time someone ordered a weird milkshake we’d make a little extra so we could try some. One time someone got like a large stout (the regular, not the cranberry, which was still nasty) and pumpkin milkshake with malt. It was horrid.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes as much pressure to bite through a human finger as it does to bite through a carrot.

70. left or right handed? Rightie.

71. least favorite pattern? Uh. I guess paisley? It doesn’t really do anything for me.

72. worst subject? Organic chemistry or physics.

73. favorite weird flavor combo? Oooh so nutella and honey is DELIGHTFUL if you’ve never tried it. Also those parmesan bread bites from Dominos taste real good dunked in the icing that comes with the cinnamon twists.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? Like a 4 or 5.

75. when did you lose your first tooth? I genuinely do not recall.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? Scalloped potatoes with cheese.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? Idk I kill all my plants. I have a lil sempervivum that I’ve kept alive for a few months though~

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Grocery store sushi.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Lmao they both are bad but I’ll say driver’s license.

80. earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? Are they not the same thing? I call them fireflies.

82. pc or console? PC. I grew up without a console so I lack the intuitive understanding of their control mechanisms that most people seem to have.

83. writing or drawing? Writing.

84. podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts.

84. barbie or polly pocket? Barbie I guess?

85. fairy tales or mythology? Mythology.

86. cookies or cupcakes? …cookies.

87. your greatest fear? Disappointing people who took a chance on me.

88. your greatest wish? If I tell you, it won’t come true.

89. who would you put before everyone else? My little brother.

90. luckiest mistake? Not applying for summer internships. Instead I just talked to the one microbiology professor and she offered me a summer job in her lab and it’s because of her that I’m at the school I’m at for grad school and have experience and all that.

91. boxes or bags? Uh. Bags I guess? Easier to carry.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Sunlight.

93. nicknames? My parents call me Squirrelle. Some people call me T (my real name starts with a T).

94. favorite season? Spring, I think. It’s so nice to come back out of the cold.

95. favorite app on your phone? I guess fb messenger, I use it the most.

96. desktop background? It’s a colored collage of Jareth and Sarah from pika-la-cynique’s “Girls Next Door” massive crossover series on dA.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? I dunno, like a handful? Some are totally useless.

98. favorite historical era? Probably the 80s.

[canaryatlaw]

Well today was overall fine, accomplished enough I suppose and nothing went too terrible. Woke up around 1:30 (bless) which was glorious, ate some cocoa krispies (note: whenever I say I ate breakfast on one of these posts it means I ate cocoa krispies. I always eat cocoa krispies) then got ready and took my little cart thing out and hopped on a bus to make a target trip. There's no route directly there, so I either have to walk a bit east then hop on a bus a bit south, or hop on a bus a bit south and then walk a bit east, lol, and I did the second today. I needed to make the target trip because this week I was actually out of sodastream gas canisters, which are actually what powers my life so I had to get the refills of those, along with a few other random items like, mouthwash. Of course I raided their dollar section (that is really their $3 section at this point, but oh well) and couldn't help but buy like 3 candles and more string lights for my room cuz they're cheap and cute and I don't care, lol. Did some basic food shopping, what I'll need for dinner tonight and the next week or so, and heavy cream if I ever get around to making caramels like I want to at some point. Wandered around the store a bit after that, spent a solid 10 minutes contemplating their underwear selection and trying to decide if I wanted to try something other than the exact brand size and style I've been wearing for like, ten years because everything else rides up and makes me uncomfortable, and ended up deciding to just go with it (for the record, I have tried other stuff over the years, and been unhappy with them). I looked through their pajama selection and really wanted this cute summery set of a gryffindor tank and shorts but it was 98% polyester so there goes that idea. They had a few other things but nothing all that great. I did dare venture over to the clothing section for a few minutes, and got a cute tank top and a pair of sporty leggings that I'm hoping will stay on better while I'm working out (I've noticed lately, mainly when I'm like, in the middle of working out, that whatever sweatpants I'm wearing have a tendency to fall down) then finally headed to check out. Walked a bit back and then had to wait for way too long for the bus but I didn't want another half hour of walk, so I waited. Got home around 5, put my stuff away and started working on the project for about two hours. I was working on perfecting the mission and vision statement as well as working on the portion about future plans for the org. That was hard because like, I want to turn in this plan for this nationwide org with community centers everywhere but like, this is a plan we're making to start a nonprofit lol, not an idea for an already established one, so I had to do some rewriting of my original concept and then think of things to add to the future developments beyond more community centers in different cities. Then I worked on a smaller portion about my experience and how it makes me equipped for the job, which put me just at 11 pages, so not bad. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm gonna handle the actual presentation, cuz like there's very specific parameters set out in the paper for what there needs to be in it, but the presentation is just based on the paper, it doesn't say what exactly, and he's said several times he doesn't want us just reading from a paper, but also saying he doesn't care about PowerPoints or stuff like that- just that we're familiar enough with the material to talk about it confidently and not need to read straight from our notes. So I may make a presentation cheat sheet of major points at some point tomorrow that could be helpful. Basically the presentation is supposed to be us pitching the idea of the nonprofit to potential finders, for them to decide if they would want to fund us or not. I think I have a good amount of info about programs and such set up, I need to do the more technical elements of setting up a board of directors and everything, and actually figure out a budget (which I probably won't include in the presentation but will need for the paper, and God am I not looking forward to doing that) and other tying up factors. But I think I'm in a good spot and I should be able to pull everything together tomorrow for my presentation Monday. At 7 I stopped because I wanted to make dinner. I've been having this issue lately where I'll make my big meal on the weekend but then not want to eat it during the week for whatever reason and end up throwing most of it out which I really had doing, so I thought I'd try to do something I know is good and that I'll want to eat, so I did this cheesy chicken broccoli and rice thing that's fairly easy to make and also tastes way better than you would expect it to lol so hopefully that will do the trick for during the week. After I finished cooking I sat down on my couch to watch some tv, and found out training day had started about 5 minutes prior (it was like, 8:05 at this point). I never keep track of when my shows actually air, so sometimes I'll turn on my tv and find out one of them is actually on). So I caught up on that pretty quickly and watched it. Somewhat of a meh episode for me, not that I didn't like the plot because I did, I think I just missed Katrina Law's character because she was in like, one scene. But that was fine. I didn't have anything else recorded so I went back over to 24:Legacy which I ended up watching for the rest of the night and finishing, and I have to say, by the last 3 episodes I was all in on this in true 24 fashion, finally feeling it like I did with the original show and oh, how I've missed that feeling. It took a while to get there obviously, but it was worth it because those episodes were fantastic. Spoilers ahead, obviously, but I was sad they did end up killing Rebecca, though that much should've been obvious once Sims or whatever his name was did his little speech about after this she would be like a war criminal. But I was sad because I gained so much respect for her character over those episodes, like what a fucking BADASS she is to take on a hostage negotiation like that and just totally call their bluff when he life was on the line, like holy crap she was just killing it. I loved it when her and Eric just went rogue, that finally felt very 24, with its rogue agents receiving unofficial support from CTU. Even Keith (I learned his name and have stopped calling him zoom guy!!!) was pretty awesome in the end of definitely did his part, something not always true for past CTU directors. Of course there was massive incompetence in letting terrorist #1 escape, but that was clearly just because they needed it for the plot, not that it would actually happen like that. I have to talk about the ending with the girl and Eric and Tony though. TONY. My bby. First of all, hearing him utter the words "I have to help CTU" made my little fangirl heart so happy because even after all of this he was going to help them and it just ahhhh <3. With the showdown at the house I was just like, yelling the whole time STOP FIGHTING YOURE FRIENDS YOU JUST DONT KNOW IT so I was pleased when that basically happened lol and of course Tony was like uh yeah of course go take the kid and save Rebecca. This girl though, and Eric protecting her, broke my fucking heart. Like yes, I know, this is all fictional. But that poor little girl. She was so little, so entirely innocent, and treated so horribly by the government that it was abominable. Seeing Eric being so gentle and kind to her was perfect, and that scene where they're waiting for the helicopter and she's telling him about the names of the flowers and the trees had me in like, tears just out of the sheer preciousness of the scene, like, holy crap, it was such a poignant and well done moment that stood out so well from all the violence and terrorism going on around it. I very much enjoyed that, and of course seeing that the girl was in fact safe. They obviously set themselves up for a second season, but I still of course protest to having a 12 episode season of a show called 24 when the entire damn concept is it happens over 24 hours, lol. Also, I freaked out when they time jumped the last 15 minutes because HEY, THAT IS SO AGAINST THE RULES. YOU MADE THE RULES, AND THERE ARENT THAT MANY OF THEM, BUT YOU JUST BROKE A MAJOR RULE AND THATS NOT COOL, MAN. Lol. I'm not sure what to think about John and what he's gonna do now, but it would be interesting to see him as president next season (though tbh I'll just be sad Rebecca isn't there with him because she's just such a badass character I can't help but miss her). But yeah, clearly I had feelings about all of that haha as you can see from all I just ranted. But yeah, I finished that and started getting ready for bed and now it's late and I should go to sleep, so I'm gonna do that now. Church in the morning, then we'll see. Goodnight friends. I hope you sleep well.

[moidse]

Okay so, I need to open up about a few things... and its been difficult to find the words. It really resonated with me the other week when you said you just don't want to disappoint me when it comes to sex, i really felt that and wanted to make you feel like i do not see you as a disappointment because i don't-- but it is complicated because i am disappointed that we aren't as sexually compatible as I'd hope-- but i this is something that is outside of either of our control and so i hate to think you are mentally punishing yourself for something that just is. I think thats why this is so hard for me to talk about, because im so scared of hurting you. I just really don't want to hurt you and i feel like i have a wall up when im around you more so then i have with past ppl I've dated-- specifically a wall up about my own sexuality and sexual desires, i notice i do tend to hold back my thoughts and feelings because I worry i would turn you off or just make you uncomfortable and so i just dont say much in regards to you or honestly just my sexual thoughts in general not towards you--i just worry if i shared my sexual desires it would push you away somehow... idk its a tricky situation and ive struggled with how to even discuss it.

Like for example, this is kind of embarrassing to talk about but whatever its not really a secret, so like when i get turned on and overwhelmed i just kinda get quiet and shut down a bit, thats just a thing ive down before ive met you, but like, when this does happen with you I dont know how to even express what is going on through my head because im so worried about making you uncomfortable-- like for instance any party we've gone to together i do get super overwhelmed seeing you in these super hot outfits and i have to constantly tell myself to like keep my eyes looking at your eyes and not wandering and i just dont even know if it would make you feel uncomfortable if i were to say hey i think x body part looks super hot in that.. like or if you'd just laugh at me saying that like when i said i was turned on when we were making out, i just fear the reaction wouldn't be good so i just stay quiet about my thoughts and desires and sometimes it does get to me. When i see you in those outfits when we went to the party, when i see you in those black lacey underwear its like, my brain freezes and is no longer in the present, my consciousness has shifted into all of my fantasy thoughts of how I'd to touch you and everything i wish i could do to you because you look so hot and i cant stop thinking about it and my mind goes off in a daze, like a trance and i feel like normally i would be more vocal about my wants and desires when this happens but with you im like you probably do not wanna hear my thoughts and fantasizes because it would make you uncomfortable/ you are zero percent interested in doing these things and it isnt something hot for you so i just need to not say anything-- and that sometimes does get to me and makes me feel sad a bit... like tbh i do masturbate thinking about you, i mean i have for quite sometime now, and its just like at first i would try not to think about my fantasizes that i felt like you wouldnt be into, i would police fantasizes and be like no leah you can't even think about wanting to do these things... then not super long ago i was like fuck it i can think about whatever i want, i can think about all the things i wish i could do with you... and so i started fantasizing and masturbating to the thought of all the things i wish we would do but im pretty sure are outside of your comfort zone and that's now almost making me sad too-- its like after i cum im just like man that sucks that this is just a fantasy that i can't actually do.

And the thing is is its like, sex is a two way thing, like hypothetically if you were okay with some of the things i want to do its just like not the same if you are just neutral/lukewarm about it and actually turned on and want these things to happen as well. Like thats way hotter and i dont wanna just do the motions of sex while you arent invested or engaged because that's depressing and id rather not do it at all. Which is why ive never mentioned these things. Sometimes i think well we can work on this and other times i worry that we cant change just how we are very different sexually tho, like yes i can teach you how to touch me, i can teach you how to pretend to be into it but deep down I'll just be focused on how its you pretending to be engaged and you aren't actually interested in doing any of this-- it takes me out of it and its just hard to let go and relax, im worried about so many things and sex is only good when you're truly relaxed and trust the other person.

It just sucks. I often get overwhelmed and just want to touch you SO BAD. I just want it so bad and i have to pause and hold back and it just is soooo sexually frustrating!! But at the same time i want to touch you i want to go down on you i want to do all these things because i want to make you feel good and its like if these things cause anxiety and shit and make you uncomfortable then i don't wanna do it. It sucks. I just want to touch you, i want to feel you up, i want to hear you moan-- i just want to please you and make you feel good in these intimate ways... i wish you wanted to touch me and feel me up and hear me moan too tho, i wish you craved these things for me and its like at times i can feel you don't and it does take me out of it. I want you to want to touch me, i want you to fantasize about me like how i do for you but i know you just dont operate that way, its like what do you find hot about me? What turns you on about me? Because i can go on about all my fantasizes and stuff but it just feels weird to share when i dont even know what you think is hot about me.

And tbh the other day when we were talking about sex, i said i enjoyed you grinding on me and you did that after i said that and it made me realize i shouldve specified-- it wasnt just you grinding on me that was so hot-- tbh that time we had sex after i traveled back from Cleveland was the hottest time we've fucked for me and it made me really happy & hopeful, although i was so tired my memory was splotchy so i could even be misremembering what made it the hottest for me. I just remember you being on top of me and being like the most aggressive I'd experienced without me even asking, which was so hot and it made me feel like you weren't just lukewarm but were truly enjoying yourself and we were both into it which was so hot and what i want. I just remember you on top of me being aggressive and i was super into it and like moaning like crazy and quickly asked you to finger me. And as you were fingering me i remember feeling you grinding against my leg while wearing those super hot lacey black underwear-- and now idk if this was sweat or what, but tbh i could feel wetness as you were grinding against me and THAT was why it was so SO hot for me. That was the FIRST and really only time i had evidence that you were turned on and into it and thought i was hot and fucking me was hot and it just felt reassuring that you are into it and arent just doing the motions of sex. I didnt ask you to grind against me. You were just acting and doing what felt right and pleasing yourself rubbing against me and it was so hot.

Usually, i don't really get any evidence that you're turned on. I don't get an auditory moans or sighs. I dont get to feel you being wet, i dont get to feel ur nips being hard or anything. I dont get any signs that you are turned on besides you later telling me you are but i don't get any signs or validation in the moment and that time was so hot because i didnt even have to ask but you were just rubbing urself against me and i could feel you being wet which only turned me on more. Its like i want you to be enjoying yourself too. I dont want it to be one sided. A lot of the part that turns me on is seeing/hearing my partner being arousing and into it and i don't get that from you and its hard to get into it when it just feels like youre helping me masturbate rather then we are fucking... like i want to feel that you are invested, present, and into & engaged--but that one time when werr you being aggressive and rubbing yourself against me i felt for the first and only time that we were both into it and it wasnt just you touching me.

It sucks because i dont want you to feel bad. I understand we are just different and it is what it is. This isn't something that is a big deal that i want to like break up with you. Sex isnt everything and i feel we are compatible in so many ways-- it just is something i wish was different and more satisfying but it is what it is.

Another thing thats hard for me to speak on-- so i do have bottom Dysphoria and i feel very nervous about talking about it and my desires that validate my bottom Dysphoria because im like 99% sure you are zero percent interested in doing any of the things and it would just hurt me to have that confirmed so i just dont even vocalize it. It sucks cuz in the past year ive realized i do have bottom Dysphoria and i shouldnt feel ashamed and embarrassed by it and its something im still working on... but its like I've realized its hard for me to cum and be really turned on when i don't get to express my transexual desires. I think its especially hard because i still feel shy about it. The last person i was with was the first time i had ever been open about my bottom Dysphoria and it taught me a lot about myself. It sucks that i feel pretty confident that these desires that would validate my bottom dysphoria are off the table and would make you uncomfortable. Its hard and im too afraid to even ask and have that confirmed because it would hurt me too much.

But i guess i need to be brave and have this tough conversation and express my desires that I'm holding back just to know if any of them are something you'd be down to do and if not its fine. It probably would just be better for me to know rather then continuously wonder and feel sad about it.

[gatorfruit-moved]

for the send numbers ask... i literally wanna know everything about you. just do all the ones you're ok with doing 💜

scghumaeca oh my god

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I honestly have no idea, probably Mack

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Outgoing but anxious lmao

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Probably Denny, I haven’t seen him for awhile and I think he’s going to be at our environmental conference. I need to talk to him about internships.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I guess, I’m kinda cold outwardly sometimes and bad at conversations

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Probably yeah, I’d get yelled at though

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

I usually like bigger guys but I think that’s the dyspohria talking. With girls I tend to like short sweet girls.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

God probably not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

A girl I like

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Kinda??? I make dirty jokes but sometimes I get super dysphoric cuz my bottom dysphoria is BAD

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Mack last night, sad shit oof

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Will you both be home at normal times?”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Oof I don’t really keep favorite songs lmao. I like Hurt, Splash Mountain, (Fuck A) Silver Lining, This Is Home, and I Am Shit

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

God yeah

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Not really

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Last summer I became friends with the boys lmao

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I haven’t kissed anyone

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Of course, it’s unrealistic for there to be nothing

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No, I haven’t seen him for like 6 years

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Eh, I’m not a fan of baths in general

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I don’t know my new ones but my old ones were the worst

21. What are you bad habits?

Over and undereating, biting nails, drinking too much caffeine, self deprecation, there’s a lot

22. Where would you like to travel?

The Netherlands, Mexico, basically everywhere

23. Do you have trust issues?

Oh god yeah I do

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Seeing the dove in the morning I guess

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Hips, chest, groin basically

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Lie there for awhile and scroll through tumblr

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Darker tbh

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Mack

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

I don’t have any ex’s

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Hell yeah, I wanna get married so bad

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

For a lil tiny one lmao, I need a haircut

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

gchueirmqo idk, I don’t get celebrity crushes

33. Spell your name with your chin.

I am on my laptop rip. Zscxott paeris aretghur kajhor. Hey pretty close.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I’m in marching band, I’m joining a men’s roller derby team, I would play hockey if I could, I might be joining wrestling but I’m afraid of getting shit from people

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

I mean music is in tv shows??? I listen to more music than I do watch tv but there’s the stories I get invested in on tv. But I also play music. I have no clue.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Uh, yeah. ofc

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Wow, riveting.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

I don’t really have one??? Idk I like people who make me feel safe cuz I never do.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I like some of the newer GAP clothes, Market District is a good hangout place

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Go to Harvard and major in Biology.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Usually but one person did fuck me over that I don’t fuck with anymore

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Probably pissed off

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Not often, I zone out easily

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Outer space, the ocean kinda freaks me out

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Mostly just Mack

46. What are you paranoid about?

Everything in the world

47. Have you ever been high?

No I’ve smoked like twice and it just gave me anxiety

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Another no, I don’t like the taste of alcohol but I had like half a mike’s

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Eh, not really

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black and white

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Yeah, often

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wanna be cis dude

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I don’t wear makeup but Lush has nice foundation

54. Favourite store?

No idea, Market District and GAP like the other question but it’s really not a thing for me

55. Favourite blog?

Oh lord idk

56. Favourite colour?

Violet, rust red

57. Favourite food?

Wedding soup

58. Last thing you ate?

I just ate a bunch of walnuts

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Uh, lunch, spicy chicken strips

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I’ve won a ton of academic ones because I’m super competitive. There’s a band one I won, there’s hockey intramurals I destroyed in, pickleball during gym too.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

I haven’t even had a detention

62. Been arrested? For what?

No but I’ve gotten yelled at by cops for no reason

63. Ever been in love?

I don’t really know. Platonically yeah

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Haven’t had one

65. Are you hungry right now?

No, I just ate

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I don’t really talk to anyone on tumblr

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Yeah, King of the Hill

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Mack

71. Craving something? What?

Mmmmmmmmmm t. And steak.

72. What colour are your towels?

Blue, tan, white, they’re all covered in hair dye too

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Like three full sized ones, a few smaller ones

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

A ton

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

^^^

75. Favourite animal?

Hyena

76. What colour is your underwear?

The ones I’m wearing rn are greeeeen

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Cookie dough or cake batter. Any sorta baked good flavors

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Black, it’s my annie cast shirt

80. What colour pants?

I’m not wearing pants

81. Favourite tv show?

King of the Hill and almost any old cartoon.

82. Favourite movie?

COCO BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Either Regina or Gretchen

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Any of the sharks probably, I haven’t seen the movie for awhile

87. First person you talked to today?

Ms. Meyer

88. Last person you talked to today?

Dustin I think

89. Name a person you hate?

Alexa

90. Name a person you love?

Platonically, Mack

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

MMMMMMMM ALEXA

92. In a fight with someone?

Yeah

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Like two pairs

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Six or seven I think

95. Last movie you watched?

Infinity War

96. Favourite actress?

I don’t really keep track of actors/actresses, probably Meryl Streep

97. Favourite actor?

Tom Holland cuz fuck man he didn’t have to kill me but he did

98. Do you tan a lot?

Not like going out to tan but whenever I’m in the sun, which is often, I tan really easily

99. Have any pets?

Yeah four dogs and a uromastyx

100. How are you feeling?

Eh, ok. I lost my voice so it’s deeper than usual which is nice.

101. Do you type fast?

I guess? I just took a test and I’m 67 WPM.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Yeah a lot

103. Can you spell well?

Not out loud. I tend to skip some words since I’m better at math than language arts, I’ve got a numerical and art brain

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Opa, Cadmium, friends from shows

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yeah I host one every year

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Uh I highly fucking doubt it

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yeah it was fun, I miss it

108. What should you be doing?

Probably working on my finals

109. Is something irritating you right now?

My mom

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Oof yeah

111. Do you have trust issues?

Yeah really bad

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Probably Mack

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Boogie, pietje, there’s a lot

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yeah I’m from PA.

115. Do you play the Wii?

Not often

116. Are you listening to music right now?

No

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Hell yeah

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Another hell yeah

119. Favourite book?

I really like When the Moon Was Ours but I’m not done with it yet, I haven’t gotten many chances to read it

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Not at all

121. Are you mean?

I mean jokingly yeah

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Oh god no, I’m a dirty nature boy

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

125. Do you believe in true love?

Honestly I have no idea

126. Are you currently bored?

Kinda, it’s the depression lmao

127. What makes you happy?

Animals, people I get along with, tea

128. Would you change your name?

Legally yeah lmao

129. What your zodiac sign?

Aquarius sun, sagittarius moon, gemini rising, aquarius venus, aries mars, and capricorn mercury.

130. Do you like subway?

Yeah, meatball subs boi

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Idk honestly

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Mack

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love but I guess this avoids the stress of falling out of it.”

134. Can you count to one million?

Yeah

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Idk man, I don’t usually tell lies and when I do I honestly forget about them

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed

137. How tall are you?

A little over 5’6”

138. Curly or Straight hair?

I’ve got wavy hair

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Dirty blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

September or October

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Not at all

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

Tea

146. Was today a good day?

I felt accepted by some people I usually don’t, but there was some other stressful shit so it’s kind of a neutral day

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Shoot for the moon; if you miss you will die in outer space, which is cool” - Katya Zamolodchikova

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Eh, idk. I’m not a huge believer in the supernatural.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“It must make you sad,” Lian said, in a way that wasn’t warm enough to sound kind or sharp enough to sounds mean. “What happened with your mother

I included the whole paragraph cuz continuity. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thanks, this was a fucking adventure