#i probs have some Pretty Big Problems so the wish would inevitably be there anyways lol

[orcelito]

Sometimes i look at statistics for # of ppl who have had suicidal thoughts / etc & I'm just kinda like. "There's No Way it's that low, right?"

Guys I think I have a normalized mindset that might not be entirely healthy

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #119

“she’s the type who likes to leave on all the lights.”

Are you friends with any bands?  No. How do you deal with oppressive heat?  Act like I'm dying because I probably slowly am. What’s one thing that people definitely CAN’T count on you for? Remembering something. What about something they definitely can count on you for?  An open ear. What’s one food that you want to try but haven’t yet?  Hmmmm... I know there's some, just nothing's coming to me. If you’re home alone and someone knocks on the door, what do you do?  I ignore it.  I don't check through windows or anything in fear of the person seeing me.  If you're coming to my house, let me know. Let’s say you received a gift from someone and open it in front of them – and it’s something you absolutely hate. How do you react?  Thank them anyway and act appreciative towards the kindness.  I usually won't actually say "I like it" unless they ask. If a friend suggested that you two were to do something/go somewhere, and you really didn’t want to, would you be more likely to just go along with it anyway or speak up? If I really didn't want to and we were close, I'd say no. What’s one book that you have read that will stick with you forever? "Johnny Got His Gun" by Dalton Trumbo.  I was strictly anti-war beforehand, but that book turned me into a full-blown pacifist. What type of movies do you get into the easiest? Paranormal ones. If you could learn to play any instrument, what would you pick? Guitar or piano or violin, idk. How do you feel upon seeing someone who’s missing an appendage?  I feel pity, but I feel no different towards them as a person. Why is your favorite store your favorite? They have clothing and accessories that best match my aesthetic. Would you let your child have a pet?  Depends on the pet, the child's age, and my faith in their responsibility level. Where were you raised and what’s it like?  I was raised in a bad neighborhood.  Lots of crime, gangs.  It was scary, yet at the same time, it wasn't the worst place in the world.  Good memories, bad memories. Do you get along with your best friend’s parents?  I'll find that out soon. Do you tend to become nervous when you know change is inevitable?  YES.  I don't like change. Are you a patient person when it comes to relationships?  Very. Do you prefer to hang out in groups?  Meh, depends on my mood. Would you ever consider styling your hair as a mohawk? Nope. Assuming you have blown bubbles in your milk before, were you yelled at for doing it as a kid?  No. Have you ever put on or lost a significant amount of weight?  I've done both. On a scale of 1-5, how often do you curse? 5. @_@ How is your posture?  It's fine, but I lean a bit to the right. Have you ever taken an Uber or Lyft? No. Do you shop on Black Friday? Only online. What do you dip chicken nuggets in?  Honey mustard or ketchup. Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you?  No. Do you pay attention to how much you eat?  I think I'm overly conscious about it by this point. Does your town/city offer a lot of opportunity for your future career, or would you get more out of living somewhere else?  I'd have far more opportunity elsewhere, probably.  Well... maybe not.  I want to be a wedding photographer, and there's not many of those here.  But where I live isn't exactly a gorgeous place to get married. What's more painful: Tattoos or piercings?  Piercings hurt more.  They're super quick, but the pain is definitely more severe. Does your ex live in the same town as you?  None of them do. Do you have any of your teachers on Myspace/Facebook?  Previous teachers, yes. What comes up when you google your name?  The Instant Checkmate site. Where’s the closest church to you? Do you attend it?  Not even a minute away, and no. Dr. Pepper or Root Beer?  I hate root beer, but I'm not big on Dr. Pepper either. Do you have a firepit in your yard?  No. Who do you talk to about personal problems?  Mom or Sara. Have you ever captured a moth?  I had a "pet" caterpillar when I was a kid and it turned into a moth that I released, if that counts. How long have you been dating the person you’re with? A few days from five months. Did you have a tree house when you were a child?  No. What is something that makes you grumpy?  Being really hungry. What school teams or clubs are/were you apart of?  National Honors Society, National Art Honors Society You can get a $1,000 gift card to any store you want, what is it?  Hot Topic. What’s the longest book you’ve ever read? How long did it take you?  I think "Not Without My Daughter."  I was really invested in it, so I doubt less than two weeks. Should a convicted murderer have the same right to be on the organ donor waiting list as anyone else?  I mean I guess?  A valuable organ is a valuable organ. How is your blood pressure?  This may have changed since I've come off many medicines, but mine at least was usually concerningly low.  I always had to explain to doctors it was normal for me. Have you ever stalked or killed a wild animal?  No. Ever had a rumor spread about you?  Yes, that Jason and I had a baby.  Even though I was obviously never pregnant.  His ex started it. What would you want to be written on your tombstone?  Probably "but you took it like a woman," a reference to an Alice Cooper song. Ever kissed someone’s hand?  Yes. Have you ever ran for class president?  No. Are you a rather gullible person?  Not really. If it had to be only daytime or nighttime all day, which would you choose?  As much as I like the night, daytime.  Humans and most animals are diurnal, so it'd be very difficult to adjust to that. When was the last time you went camping?  I've never been properly camping. Did you play with Play-Doh as a kid? Hell yeah dude. Have you ever found a four leaf clover?  True shit, I found a patch of them in our front yard the day after Dad left. Do you own a raincoat?  No. Are you fascinated by outer space?  Yes yes yeees!  I'm scared of it also, though. Is there a tree outside your window?  Yeah. What season would you want to get married in? Autumn. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yeah. Do you swear in front of children? No. Are you good at catching things? NO.  My hand-eye coordination is shit. What’s the biggest bruise you’ve ever had?  I'm not sure... but I'm guessing one of my knees since they've seen some shit. How would you react if you had a particularly unusual pain or ache? Tell my mother.  Although I usually look it up online if she's not home and it's always a bad idea because I'll find something awful, and then my anxiety kicks up lmao. What’s something that you like wearing, but you don’t actually wear it often? Skinny jeans.  I never wear jeans anymore. How often do you paint your nails?  Never. Which one thing made you cry the hardest?  It definitely related to my breakup.  I think that actual night, I didn't cry as much as me being in shock.  Wait... no, pretty sure it was after Mom caught me running for a knife that night.  I sobbed my fucking lungs out. Could you fall in love with someone, despite what they might look like? Yup. If someone was crying to themselves in public, would you ask if they’re OK?  Absolutely.  As socially inept as I am, I'd still feel awful if I didn't. Ever fingered a girl?  No. Do your parents still hide eggs around the house for Easter?  No. Do you wear choker necklaces?  When I wear necklaces, sometimes. When was the last you ran a mile?  High school. Do you have a big butt?  No. Are you pro-life or pro-choice?  I'd say I'm mostly pro-life, but I believe abortion is acceptable in some cases. What color is your phone?  Really dark navy. Do you know more than two digits of pi?  No. Do you have any STDs?  No. Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver?  No. Who’s your celebrity crush?  Mark Fischbach. Have you ever had any article of clothing tailored? What for?  Yes, a prom dress and bridesmaid dress. What are two foods you think taste good with whipped cream?  I HATE WHIPPED CREAM. When you see a feather on the ground, do you ever pick it up?  If it's cool, I'll probably keep it. If you eat it, what is your favorite way to eat beef?  Burgers. When was the last time you had a pet goldfish? What was its name?  I couldn't tell you, dude. What are the three events this year you are looking forward to?  Seeing Sara in literally two days, probs getting a new tattoo, hopefully returning to my healthy weight or get at least close. Do you prefer nail polish with sparkles in it, or matte colors? I don't wear nail polish like ever, but matte. Would you rather hold hands or link arms with your significant other?  Hold hands. Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret?  Yeah. Do you like getting hurt? Uhhh no I'm not a masochist. Do you believe in destiny?  No, I believe in free will. Do you have any birthmarks?  Yes, on the left side of my left arm. Have you ever watched anyone sleep? There were times where I'd still be up on the laptop at Jason's and look over at him and smile.  But it was never more than just a few seconds. Do you ever go back and read stories or books you read when you were a child?  Not for myself.  The only times I've ever done that is when I'm reading to Aubree. Have you and a partner ever had “a song”? My ex and I had two and Sara and I have about five thousand lmao. Do you think that it is okay for men to cry, or is it only okay under certain circumstances? Of fucking course it's okay. What is one of your favorite movie quotes?  "My mama always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you're gonna get.'"  From Forrest Gump. Describe your teeth:  Normal, just wish they were a bit whiter. What is one thing you look forward to every day?  A Markiplier video. What is one thing you dread every day?  Trying to go to sleep at night.  I like sleeping, just not tossing and turning until it happens. When was the last time you cleaned your ears via QTip?  Forever ago because they're the reason I got wax adhered to my eardrum from pushing it back too deep.  I use a different tool now. What's the longest you’ve lived without electricity?  Just like overnight and a few hours. Name all of the alcoholic beverages you have tried:  Daiquiris, sangrias, and margaritas are the only ones I like, but I used to have a sip of wine in Catholic school and also this disgusting coconut thing Nicole had. Name all the types/brands of cigarettes you have tried:  I've never smoked. Do you like to do puzzles (crosswords, word find, Sudoku, etc.)?  Yes. What is the most alcohol you’ve drank in a night?  I think five and a half daiquiris.  New Years 2017. Have you been to see an opera?  No. Have you ever been stung by anything? What?  A bumblebee. Is there anything you dislike about your house?  We don't have two bathrooms. What do you like to put on bagels?  Cream cheese. Do you like orange juice?  So long it doesn't have pulp, I love it. If you had to choose, which bug isn't ugly?  There's a number.  I love butterflies, ladybugs, moths, and caterpillars. Have you ever had an ulcer?  No. Do you have any rare medical conditions?  AvPD and (inactive) MRSA. The first time you remember being hospitalized, what was it for? Being suicidal. What does your favorite necklace look like? It's a spiked choker. If you crack your knuckles, do you crack them one at a time, or all at the same time?  I don't crack my knuckles. Do you sneeze into your hand or into the crook of your arm when you don’t have a tissue? The latter. Do you hate when grapes have seeds in them?  It doesn't bother me. Have you ever heard of Bananas in Pajamas? Yeah, my older sister loved that show.