#i randomly thought of this while getting screencaps for a different set from this video so <33

[booskwan]

coups and his glasses stache

[cowstiandior]

phew this rly is gonna be the first post I’ve made in like a year but. Like the others, time to pour my heart out I guess.

I’ve dealt with a lot of trauma. I’m still going through my trauma because every so often I learn things that I had no idea about whether it be because I blocked it out or just never thought about it in an abusive light. I guess, first thing’s first, to explain why a lot of this stuff impacted me in a huge way (not to say that it wouldn’t have otherwise, but.).

My biological father was emotionally and physically abusive. To me, to my sibling, to my mother and all his exe’s. He had mental illnesses that were left untreated like BPD, narcissism, and compulsive lying. When I was five, he tried to get me to believe that my mom was cheating on him with a friend of hers and that this guy was gonna steal her away. And I believed him and cried and screamed until my mom promised me that was the case. I only found out, in my late teens, that he was the one that had cheated. Constantly. Eventually they divorced and I moved with my mom to texas after the school year was finished because that gave her time to prepare a place to live for me. Unfortunately during that period where I still lived with my dad... he did a lot of things. And even though (apparently) my grandparents on my mother’s side tried to have me over as much as they could, there was still long amounts of times that I spent with my father.

He exposed me to a lot of shit I shouldn’t have been as a child. Movies with graphic violence and horror (I once had a panic attack when I lost a tooth because I thought that awful lady from darkness falls was gonna come and kill me), nudity and sex. Hell, anime that borderlined into straight up hentai. Only two years ago did I learn from my mother that she always thought my dad was sexually abusing me, but she never had the proof. And maybe she was right. Maybe he did, and I blocked some of it out. He showed me all that stuff, and I remember how he would cling to me in the bed he forced me to share with him and told me I was the only one that loved him and understood. He would buy and show me things I shouldn’t have been seeing and then told me not to tell my mother.

He once brought me over to one of his girlfriends and while I “slept” on the couch, he had sex with his gf right there in the living room just a foot away from where I was. He had only wait... what, five minutes? For me to fall asleep and didn’t even check if I had. I was facing the back of the couch so I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear all of it. I was too afraid to move or even breathe.

That on its own is a lot, but I’m sharing this to give some background into my feelings about this roleplay groups I was a part of over the years.

My first experience with rping was the alvin and the chipmunks oc community on yt. Which was a very niche thing on its own, but there were a LOT of people. It basically boiled down to us coloring over screencaps and fanart to make our ocs, make songs high-pitched and then vid our ocs using the pictures to the songs in wmm and pretending that was our ocs singing them. Some of us communicated via AIM to actually rp our ocs. At the time I was 11/12. I ended up rping with people much older than me, one of whom, the one I rped with the longest and had the greater attachment to, was 16. We rped smut with our ocs. I thought this was normal. They did it with others so why not me as well? They were popular and I was just starting out in the community, so if I did this, then I’d get more attention. And it worked. I got attention from people much older than me and I felt like I was a huge part of this community. All because one of my ocs fucked a more important person’s oc and they got together.

But eventually I fell out of it. I randomly found nondisney crossover videos on yt and began to watch them religiously. Like, really bad ones also made in wmm, but I thought they were so cool. This was way back before editors ever even dreamed of using AE to make seamless masks for their videos. I lefts the aatc group behind to try and make my own. I didn’t have much success until one of my videos blew up and I got a lot of subscribers. I still wasn’t part of what felt like a closely knit community, but I wanted to be. I made silly reaction videos of vidders getting jokingly ‘married’, I commented and liked others videos to try and get noticed by them. Because I was 13 and had no irl friends. 

Then ‘video rps’ began to be a thing. I instantly was enamored, and having experience in rping before, desperately joined. It was fun, at first! I started to connect with more people, they wanted to plot these stupid stuff ideas with me. Then the group decided to move to good ol’, fresh baby-faced tumblr. And I enjoyed that because, at the time, I thought I was a better writer than I was a vidder (news flash I wasn’t good at either of these things sdfkjdns). Somehow, after this move, I became really close with the mods. Both of whom were in the 20s while I was 14 (and just starting high school). One of them called me her ‘wifey’ and I went along with it and did the same. Because I liked the attention. I thought I was important even though, really, none of my characters except two were ever part of any large plots or got attention. They also talked about sexual things with me because my main oc was dating one of the mods’ oc. I remember them solely getting together because of ‘aphrodisiac dust’ too. 

And I’ll admit, I also kinda forced it on my side. The mod had her oc basically in a ‘love triangle’ between my and my friend meg’s ocs. Which is... honestly a Lot now that I think about it. She kept stringing us along, both me and meg being the same age too. So when I saw the oppurtunity of “hey my oc was forced to be really horny and if I get Jen’s oc to fuck mine, that would mean they’ll be together’! So that’s what I did. And it worked. And it was only way later once I really processed what I’d done that I felt like shit for what I did to meg. This adult had basically tried to get us to fight each other of this dumb fucking ship. Haha jokes on u jen, now they’re both lesbians and are dating.

Though before this, when my oc was dating another member’s, that ended... really badly when said member had her boyfriend raped by their other ocs. One the dash. With no warning. Not even telling me about that possibility. It made me feel sick. So I dropped them.

Anyways, yeah. In this rp group I was, once again, exposed to smut and sexual things by those that weren’t just older than me, but also adults. They tried to get me to turn on other people in the group. They were also homophobic which, at the time, had a huge impact on me since I was, even then, trying to figure out what and who I was.

Both mods were controlling, rude, and eventually, all of us decided to split off from them and move our ocs to a new but similar setting. This shift was lead by gansey, who became the new mod. I was also partially close to them, and given that at the time I thought they were a good writer and they were popular, I relished in that attention. I thought of them as an older sibling. But in the end they weren’t all that different from Jen and Usa, the previous mods.

Even back in TOW, Gansey had this strange fascination with cheating. Given that Jen���s oc and mine were dating, and gansey had this (understandable, at the time) hatred for her and Usa, they tried to get their main oc to be... really close with mine. Always close enough to cheating or being seen as romantic but never enough that they could apply plausible deniability to the situation. They even made this weird ‘au’ video of them together without talking to me about it. ...A lot of things were done without talking to me about it.

Their obsession with cheating even extended into TAR, where they kept hinting at one of their ocs being interest with another of mine despite Sonia being in a relationship with Shelly’s Archie. I thought, perhaps, that maybe they wanted it to become an open relationship or poly. And if they had talked about it with Shelly and I and we all agreed with it, that would have been fine. But such a thing was never brought up. When said character suddenly developed an evil demon personality, them trying to force their affection on Sonia became even more obvious. Only now the character had a proper ‘excuse’, being evil and whatnot.

Gansey really did have this weird thing for cheating, ruining other people’s ships, and also dubcon/noncon. And again, Gansey was an adult while I was in high school. These things Just Kept Happening. And even though I thought we were close at the time, I never really was involved in any of their big plots (or really anyone’s) unless it involved some of these concepts.

Eventually I started to talk a lot with Meg because we were the same age and had similar interests. This led to me talking with Shelly more and then Bonnie, Kyle, and Morgan. And I’m so grateful for that. People I had been so afraid of contacting on my own to talk to or be friends because of my insecurity due to everything else became huge parts of my life. For once I felt genuinely included and not just someone to be used by others. We came up with fun plots, character connections, etc. At this point I had both them and friends in high school. I had a place I felt I belonged. I still do. I love them so much. They’re basically family to me.

Anyways, as I got older, it became apparent there was this rift in the rp group. People being purposely excluded because they weren’t seen as ‘good’ rpers, or just because someone who wasn’t ever really active in the rp group didn’t like the other. AKA Roman hating kyle which resulted in him being excluded despite his attempts time and time again to include others lol. Obviously over the years, there wasn’t much left for me in that group outside of my friends. It was barely active anymore and outside of it interactions had become toxic. So it was understandable when Kyle and Meg decided to leave. Funny how once that happened, they only then decided to have an ‘open forum’, with everyone who was normally quiet coming out of the woodworks to bash my friends when they were no longer there.

Some of us called them out after that and left. Though not before we found out that they’d (gansey and their inner circle) been developing another rp setting called FAR (presumably the setting they attempted when they told everyone they were gonna have a 100 time-skip to shake things up, which ended up not happening bc a lot of the group was like wtf) and also added someone to the discord server that most of us didn’t know. This person had been there for months and Gansey never told us despite them being their friend. This was very upsetting because at that point all of in this group had been together for 8 years. We shared personal stuff in that discord server. Things that I’m sure we wouldn’t want strangers seeing. So yeah, a lot of us were upset!

Then Gansey and their friends dogpiled kyle for understandably being mad about being excluded and alienated. Then they dared to have the gall to message me saying they were terrible and sorry and that they’d always be there to listen if I wanted to talk.

So I talked. And what happened after that? Nada. Nothing. They never replied. They weren’t willing to face the hypocrisy of what they’d done.

In the end they had just been another manipulative adult that had only used me when they needed to. That tried to have our characters be sexual when I was just a teen.

All of you were adults. You should have known better. I admired you guys only to have that admiration used to control me. Fuck all of you. Fuck you for the way you treated my friends. Fuck you for having contributed to my trauma on top of everything else I’d experienced. Fuck you, gansey, for your manipulative ‘apology’. Fuck you for your dumb fucking poetry you thought we’d never see, comparing us to corpses and you to sisyphus.

Boo Fucking Hoo. 

You were never really sorry at all. None of you were. You’re were just ashamed you got caught on all your bullshit.

I was boo boo the fool for thinking I actually meant anything to you guys.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Questione...

Possibly just shouting out into the void, but wondering if anyone has some information on a game...

The game pieces are hexagons with two differently colored sides, and three numbers in sections on them. It’s a two player game (each player being one color), and the point is to try to put down your piece in a place that will flip as much of the board as possible to your color, based on what number is largest on the sides that are touching each other. Your goal is to have the majority of the board in your color at the end of the game (when all pieces are used up). You can also see the pieces your partner has, so part of the strategy is also predicting their moves/ basing yours on what they have to put down (like which side of the hexagon their largest numbers are on, etc.).... An example move looks like this image below (with Purple vs. Blue being the colors) 

I was introduced to this playing a game on kongregate, called The End (link here even though the game itself  doesn’t seem to work anymore and the official site for the game doesn’t either so idk), BUT this is not the main point of the game, it was just a mini-game inside the main game. I liked the mini-game so much I made my own version with pieces of cardboard, to have one I could play with others not solely within the kongregate game, but the nature of the game just seems like...something that there’d be a version of somewhere else?

I’ve tried googling like ‘hexagon numbers game’ ‘number tile flip game’, etc. and looked up the company that made the game as well, but as far as I’ve seen they don’t list much about it (this is just one tiny mini game within a tiny game out of many others I think are more popular) or etc., though there are some images of game development that make it seem like they created the concept themselves, they could have been inspired by something. Either way, this just seems like too enjoyable and cool of a game to be lost forever as merely a tiny mini-game hidden within a long abandoned flash game!!

---- So, my main question: Is anyone aware of anything similar to this?? Is this an actual game somewhere, that could be purchased as a boardgame or something?? If the game creators took inspiration from somewhere, is there a known game it’s based off of? OR, even if it is wholly their creation, is there at least anything else out there that operates very similarly?

Additional info (images and the videos I could find of gameplay) under the read more for extra details on how it works..

----------------------

Here’s a screencap of the actual game from some youtube video i found

And see there’s also some powers you can use to make the game more interesting, like for example a ‘+2′ power would allow you to add 2 points to one single side of your hexagon- so if you had a 6, you could make it an 8 and maybe then overcome your opponent’s 7 on that side, etc. (though you’re limited in how many you can use, obviously. The strategy is also picking the right ones). There are many of these, and I unfortunately don’t remember what they all are, so I can’t incorporate them into my handmade cardboard version T u T ;; , but they also added a neat twist !

Here’s a video I found of like, actual official gameplay, it’s from the people who made the game so it shows in good detail how the game actually works: 

https://vimeo.com/23525726

and then here’s there website or like, something where they wrote stuff about the game - 

https://preloaded.com/work/channel-4-education-end/

'The End’ was primarily like, just a usual jumpy puzzle platformer sort of game, the ‘death cards’ section was only a side-thing you did at the end of levels, if I remember correctly. Though for me I basically ONLY played the main game to earn additional powers (like the +2 bonus) for the side game, and pretty much spent all my time playing that instead gghg 

But like.. LOOK at the gameplay!!... it’s just.. fun..I like the little strategies of going into corners or playing in a way where you try to trap pieces of your own color in places they can’t be turned or accessed by the opponent, and like how you can look at their numbers and predict their moves or etc. Idk it’s like one of those things where it still requires you to pay some amount of attention to what you’re doing, however it’s still casual and easy enough that you rarely have to sit down and intensely focus so it can kind of fill this tiny “Vaguely Occasionally Challenging But Primarily Just Relaxed And Fun” niche where it’s so enjoyable to just hang out and mindlessly play 10 rounds or so every once and a while when you have 30 minutes to waste or whatever.. 

So like idk,, I hope it’s an actual thing somewhere else???

Whenever I google anything like ‘hexagon number game’ or even specific stuff like ‘flip tile two player hexagon boardgame’ or ‘different color shape flip number game’  or ‘tile number game’, ‘ tile number game flip tile’ etc. It’s only ever stuff like this (or math learning games, or some weird rummy game)  that comes up - 

which from what I’ve seen, is not really the sort of thing that I’m looking for at all. I want something where you compare multiple numbers of one tile based on it’s placement on the board, flip tiles or something similar in order to win, basically the same mechanics/premise as ‘death cards’ etc. 

It could very likely be that the people who made The End just made this from scratch with no inspiration and there’s like...not anything even remotely similar around, which would be unfortunate (since I’ll just have to stick to my cardboard version then lmao) , but I thought I could check with the masses first perhaps, since looking on my own for a little while I couldn’t find much. 

Admittedly, I only looked for like 45 minutes or so but idk, usually if you can’t even find a hint of what you’re looking for after searching google for even 20 minutes then you’re either using wildly incorrect search terms (which maybe people could give me leads on better terms to search instead) or the thing you’re looking for is pretty obscure (in which case maybe someone out there still knows about it) so, idk. 

 I would just feel really bad for a premise that is really cool to die as only ever having been a mini game in some random browser game about philosophy or whatever. I would think maybe at some point the game-creators would release it on it’s own as a separate thing or something, but the game has been inactive for a while and whatever’s going on with it, I don’t think anyone seems to care that much, or is really rallying to bring it back or anything. 

But anyway,  I would just like to play this game in a more official way, somehow, if it actually exists somewhere?

Particularly due to the issue of game balance. In my handmade versions (since first drafting this post, I now have like 3 of them, experimenting with different tile shapes and amounts of tiles lol,, lov to become preoccupied with random concepts and spend hours making tiles out of cardboard), there’s really no way to completely ensure that there isn’t an element of luck involved. 

Part of the reason I like some strategy games is that they can feel more like each person is starting out on a level playing field, and it’s all about just utilizing tools the right way, or what you can think about and come up with. You ‘’win’’ more by skill than just random chance. But with this being a numbers based game, inevitably, to some degree, a player with higher numbered pieces is more likely to win, which when the pieces are drawn randomly, is hard to control for.

In my cardboard versions, I handled this by making different colored marks on the center of the pieces, green for very good, purple for in the middle, and I think red for pieces that have mostly low numbers (which is based on what all the numbers add up to, like if all three numbers on a tile are over 22 (meaning there must at least be some 10s/9s/8s), they’re green, if they’re from 21 - 10 they’re purple, under 10 they’re red, etc. etc. Something like that, I don’t remember the exact numbers I used). Then each player gets a set amount of greens, reds, and purples, so each person will have an equal amount of good/bad/etc. pieces. But even this, I don’t feel is precise enough and am still concerned about it influencing the game results. 

For the digital version, I’d guess there’s probably some sort of algorithm or something that like.. generates the numbers of the pieces in a way where each players pieces add up to a certain number, or something like that, so that one player can’t end up with ALL 10s (highest number in the game) on all sides of their hexagons,  and the other has none. Obviously there will always be SOME element of chance, but I don’t know if it’s COMPLETELY randomized, as they must have done something to make it more even, I would imagine???

So, this is a main reason I’d like a more official version, if I could like.. buy a board-game that’s already been balanced for me, or play an online version of basically the same game etc. etc. 

(Though if any of the 3 of you who have actually read this far have any advice on how to better balance my cardboard versions, please let me know! There may be a better solution than color coding into categories lol)

(ALSO it may be hard to imagine or boring looking if you’ve just watched videos of it and have never played but, hHH, trust me that it’s really cool! It’s one of my favorite games but, obviously it being relatively obscure and the main game it was attached to being now nonexistent, nobody is ever excited about the concept as much as I am lol... just try.. to imagine... ) 

ANYWAY!!!!... I just... really like this game for some reason and in my quest to find an actual version of it or something, now amplified by the fact that the actual game seems to not work anymore, I thought.. berhaps... other people in the general public would have suggestions or know of similar games (like with flipping tiles based on number calculation)???? sir, may I have some flipping hexagons based on number comparisons? please sir, some coloured hexagons flipped based on numbers?? sOME NUMBERED HEXAGON TILES ON A BOARdggh hvhjflkfnkelnhekltnhlnklkl kh iohnkl k;m klm klm 

[zzpopzz]

Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story*  I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely  by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed  repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**

[tuanpumpkins]

hello yes, it is i the most extra stan alive here with my theories of the entire flight log trilogy. i would like to remind everyone that these theories are my own interpretation and for you guys to take it with a pinch of salt. also, i would like to say i’m only running on 2 hours of sleep so if this post is messy rip please don’t blame me so let’s go!

THEORY 1  : flight log is a log of facing a setback -> being afraid to start again as you are trapped in the fear of falling/failing -> overcoming that fear and start again

i was a little worried to talk about this theory at first but i think that this theory is so so beautiful and it is something we all need to hear or be reminded at times. this theory reminds me of that vlive when jinyoung was given a book by the staff and they highlighted the pages about wanting to give up/it’s okay to take a break at times for him to read, it seems too much of a coincidence to me. also not to mention when jinyoung was once asked “what is got7 to you?” and jinyoung answered “a new different start”

part one:

so we all know that in departure, it started with the boys all on a road trip together and they were all having fun, fooling around. jaebum was driving the car and to me it feels like he was leading the boys to somewhere. this might be him being the leader of got7 and he is leading them to new start.

part two:

in the next scene of departure, we have the famous silent hill scene in which jinyoung was alone and lost. in turbulence we have jinyoung waking up and looking around after a “car crash”

i’m not sure if anyone remembered but in jinyoung’s liev he talked about “wandering” and thinking about his career at a really young age and he said that the time before got7’s debut was when he wandered. to me these two scenes symbolize that jinyoung is scared of the uncertainty of starting again because he was reminded of a setback in the past and lost on what to do.

part three:

in departure jinyoung wakes up to find the other members fooling around and being happy while he just looks on with a smile. this shows that the members were excited to have a new beginning/going on a new journey. now, during this scene it was noted that the timing on jackson’s camcorder stopped and i think this symbolizes that jinyoung is still stuck in the period when he faced a setback. later on, in the scene it showed jinyoung in the mirror and instead of smiling like how he was just now, he looked worried/upset. to me this was a reflection of jinyoung (cue reflection.mp3) how he feels scared and worried of starting again.

while in turbulence, again with have jinyoung smiling while watching the boys fool around but later turn back with his headphones on and looked lost in his own thoughts. again, this is a reflection on how he might look happy outside but inside he was trapped in his own thoughts and worries.

part four:

in the next few scenes of departure we have the boys randomly flying around and i guess this means that they are again excited for a new journey but it seems that jaebum was being suspended in the air, not able to fly yet. perhaps this is because he is the leader and he might have his own set of worries of leading the boys to a new start.

in hard carry music video, we have jaebum ‘trapped’ in a cage.

part five:

in departure before jaebum joined the other members for their ‘flying’ scenes, it can be seen that birds (the other members??) were surround him like they were “freeing” or helping him to “fly”

in hard carry mv, everyone thinks that when youngjae opened the cage to free the bird he was “freeing” jaebum and i agree with this thinking.

i think these shows that the boys helped jaebum put down his worries/fears of a new start.

part six:

in fly mv, we have jinyoung actually leaping off a building wanting to “fly” with the boys but he couldn’t fly. while in turbulence trailer, we have jinyoung wanting to take off his seatbelt to rush towards the boys who were still fooling around when there was a “turbulence” going on but he was held back by the flight attendant.

to me i feel that this symbolizes that jinyoung was still held back/weighed down by his worries/fears of starting again.

part seven:

in turbulence trailer/hard carry mv, we can see that jinyoung was trapped in water/a tank and that the members were trying to save him. also in hard carry mv, we saw the members pulling him down to stop being from him levitated.

perhaps this symbolizes that the boys were trying to help him escape from the trapped fear of setbacks/a new start and stop him from losing himself to the fear.

part eight:

this part is mainly focused on the script of arrival trailer and how it all connects. (p.s when i die i want this entire script read out at my funeral and engraved on my tomb)

“a bird, i often asked myself, can i fly like a bird?”

this probably means that back then he wondered a lot about the future and how hopeful he was.

“and here i am now … nothing…”

for this line, i would like to talk about the song hard carry, back then i was confused on how the song hard carry fits in the plot of the series because how does one goes from “WE GONNA FLLLLY~~~~” to “HARD CARRY HEY!!” but now i realize that the song hard carry is about how you feel you are at the top of the world, nothing is able to bring you down and that you are able to do anything you dream of.

after “dreaming big”, jinyoung faced a setback/a fall and he felt that his dream/attitude was wrong he wasn’t the top of the world, he doesn’t control the game.

“in water, perhaps that was the very last thing i remember, i was … trapped”

this is pretty such self-explanatory, like stated above being trapped in water symbolizes that he was being trapped in the fear of facing another setback and that this fear is the only thing he can remember.

“i’ve failed...i don’t exist anymore.”

after facing a setback, the old jinyoung who dreamed big or felt that he was at the top of the world doesn’t exist anymore.

“a little bird”

after this line it seems that jinyoung got more positive like he escaped his fear and he is not giving up. also notice how it is about a bird and that in departure, it was the bird who helped jaebum to “fly”/ put down what was weighing him down

“most people.. when they fail, they give up and don’t challenge themselves but i’m different, i will never ever give up”

self explanatory

“i am not afraid of anything because you were there”

i would like to link this line to the lyrics of fly and how some of the lyrics stood out to me:

“you know what it means, feeling scared sometimes. i run without looking back and here i am again right in your arms.”

“you are my comfort zone above the sky”

“wanna fly with you in my arms, will you go with me girl?”

“you and i, our dreams are blazing right inside of me”

“our time is like sunshine after the rain”

“shining brightly on you at the end of the tunnel”

“i am right by your side, what are you afraid of?”

“it’s like flying in the sky, feeling like i might fall any minute but i will go higher, wanna soar straight up don’t know what’s at the end until we get there”

this line and the lyrics to fly shows that jinyoung has overcome his fear of facing setbacks/starting again because the boys were there to help him through each step of the way and that even though there will be still times when you have doubts of falling down, you can soar up high, you don’t know what’s your destination til you get there.

“i am ready to fly”

jinyoung is ready to fly with boys and start on a new journey.

now back to arrival trailer we see jinyoung trapped underwater in a car with plants growing around him. to me with plants growing around him, it might means there is hope even if you feel trapped. ->“shining brightly on you at the end of the tunnel”.

in the trailer we also saw jinyoung walking in the snow barefooted, perhaps it symbolizes to overcome your fear it might be difficult, painful and you might feel lost but at the end you will get to where you want.

so for my first theory is that the entire flight log series is to overcome your fear of standing up after falling down once. it shows that we might be trapped in that fear and that overcoming it might not be easy but with some hope and some people you might really be able to overcome that fear.

THEORY 2: flight log is losing something/someone precious to you -> drowning in the pain of the lost -> moving on with your life

okay, i don’t know how you guys are still with me but i’m lowkey tired of screencapping so i just going to type from now on.

so this is following the sad theory i came up with during departure/fly era  that everyone except jinyoung died and that the entire flight log was being him trapped in guilt/pain that he was the only one who survived but at the end he realizes that this isn’t what the boys want from him.

“i am not afraid of anything because you were there” the fact that it was written in past tenses stood out to me so i guess it means that jinyoung is not afraid of moving on and leaving the boys in his memories now because at the end of the day, they were there and he will always have them in his memories. “i am ready to fly” he is ready to move on with his life and leave the guilt and pain behind to find peace with himself.

THEORY 3:

jinyoung was going through depression and that the boys helped him through it.

THEORY 4:

there is no /specific/ theme behind it, i actually googled the definition of log and one of them was “make a systematic recording of events, observations, or measurements.” perhaps flight log was meant to be an open answer that is able to be applied any situation in life because in life we are going to face up and downs. life consists of the events of happiness, sadness, feeling lost and confused, feeling trapped. flight log shows that in life/situations you will have to go through such events before you find yourself/where you want to be.