#i reread this passage so many times bc i just could not stop laughing

[britneyshakespeare]

I began, by being singularly cheerful and light-hearted; all sorts of half-forgotten things to talk about, came rushing into my mind, and made me hold forth in a most unwonted manner. I laughed heartily at my own jokes, and everybody else's; called Steerforth to order for not passing the wine; made several engagements to go to Oxford; announced that I meant to have a dinner party exactly like that, once a week until further notice; and madly took so much snuff out of Grainger's box, that I was obliged to go into the pantry, and have a private fit of sneezing ten minutes long.

I went on, by passing the wine faster and faster yet, and continually starting up with a corkscrew to open more wine, long before any was needed. I proposed Steerforth's health. I said he was my dearest friend, the protector of my boyhood, and the companion of my prime. I said I was delighted to propose his health. I said I owed him more obligations than I could ever repay, and held him in a higher admiration than I could ever express. I finished by saying, "I'll give you Steerforth! God bless him! Hurrah!" We gave him three times three, and another, and a good one to finish with. I broke my glass in going round the table to shake hands with him, and I said (in two words) "Steerforth, you'retheguidingstarofmyexistence."

I went on, by finding suddenly that somebody was in the middle of a song. Markham was the singer, and he sang "When the heart of a man is depressed with care." He said, when he had sung it, he would give us "Woman!" I took objection to that, and I couldn't allow it. I said it was not a respectful way of proposing the toast, and I would never permit that toast to be drunk in my house otherwise than as "The Ladies!" I was very high with him, mainly I think because I saw Steerforth and Grainger laughing at me—or at him—or at both of us. He said a man was not to be dictated to. I said a man was. He said a man was not to be insulted, then. I said he was right there—never under my roof, where the Lares were sacred, and the laws of hospitality paramount. He said it was no derogation from a man's dignity to confess that I was a devilish good fellow. I instantly proposed his health.

Somebody was smoking. We were all smoking. I was smoking, and trying to suppress a rising tendency to shudder. Steerforth had made a speech about me, in the course of which I had been affected almost to tears. I returned thanks, and hoped the present company would dine with me tomorrow, and the day after—each day at five o'clock, that we might enjoy the pleasures of conversation and society through a long evening. I felt called upon to propose an individual. I would give them my aunt, Miss Betsey Trotwood, the best of her sex!

Somebody was leaning out of my bedroom window, refreshing his forehead against the cool stone of the parapet, and feeling the air upon his face. It was myself. I was addressing myself as "Copperfield," and saying, "Why did you try to smoke? You might have known you couldn't do it." Now, somebody was unsteadily contemplating his features in the looking-glass. That was I too. I was very pale in the looking-glass; my eyes had a vacant appearance; and my hair—only my hair, nothing else—looked drunk.

Somebody said to me, "Let us go to the theatre, Copperfield!" There was no bedroom before me, but again the jingling table covered with glasses; the lamp; Grainger on my right hand, Markham on my left, and Steerforth opposite—all sitting in a mist, and a long way off. The theatre? To be sure. The very thing. Come along! But they must excuse me if I saw everybody out first, and turned the lamp off—in case of fire.

Owing to some confusion in the dark, the door was gone. I was feeling for it in the window-curtains, when Steerforth, laughing, took me by the arm and led me out. We went downstairs, one behind another. Near the bottom, somebody fell, and rolled down. Somebody else said it was Copperfield. I was angry at that false report, until, finding myself on my back in the passage, I began to think there might be some foundation for it.

A very foggy night, with great rings round the lamps in the streets! There was an indistinct talk of its being wet. I considered it frosty. Steerforth dusted me under a lamp-post, and put my hat into shape, which somebody produced from somewhere in a most extraordinary manner, for I hadn't had it on before. Steerforth then said, "You are all right, Copperfield, are you not?" and I told him, "Neverberrer."

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens, Chapter 24: My First Dissipation

[bbnibini]

PSISLY: An Obey Me!CYOA – forty-eight🔖

tw: this is really angsty and talks about toxic relationships, as well as very very negative thoughts. If that isn’t your thing, please skip this ending route and just read the epilogue/good ending

You felt relief--as if someone pulled you out of the darkness looming in your thoughts---that perhaps you were not as evil as you thought you were, not as vile or toxic or delusional. That you were simply in love with another person, and it just happened to not be Mammon. That you were not idealising him, but your feelings had been for another all along. Perhaps there was a way to fix this, that you could save him,which was ridiculous because you were the one who pushed him into hating himself because of your misguided feelings in the first place.

You are a horrible person.

At least your thoughts said so. Mammon was asleep in your arms, his face dried with his own tears but you can only think of the person who sent you the letter. It was deplorable, you know. Try as you will, you couldn't deny your heart's pitter patters at the thought that your secret admirer was out there somewhere, hidden to you in plain sight, and you felt for him the same. You looked at Mammon again and tried to will yourself to feel any feelings for him, but your own heart couldn't seem to give you an answer. Maybe you really didn't love him at all. You cared about him, at least enough to confront him about your relationship, but re-evaluating that, and hearing about how he kept such a huge secret from you only earned him your understanding, but not your affection.

Perhaps this was why he kept it from you in the first place.

Encouraging him to speak to you the truth earned you guilt feelings, and it only seemed to cling to you at his every word.

"Little D No.2 told me a classmate found something in their locker that belonged to me. It looked like my handwriting and it was addressed to you." he was stuttering at every word as you tried to stop his tears, but they only continued to fall. "I didn't know how to process it. We were so happy, but…it always felt like I was a fraud, y'know? You tell me I'm all these wonderful things, but I can't seem to see it. Now it's finally making sense."

"Mammon."

"Did you at least love me, even a little bit, as me? Or was it always him ?"

How could you ever answer that? Everything was so new to you, it was all confusing. Your mind continued scrambling over your feelings for both of them but it only seemed to fluctuate, from feelings of pity for the one who had lost you, to hopeless pining for the one you couldn't ever have.

You tried to convince yourself that it's all wrong, that perhaps you're only deluding yourself, for it's impossible to fall in love with a person you don't even know. You thought about Mammon again, and it only stung your eyes.

What the hell do you call our relationship then? he asked you in your vivid imagination, carrying the cursed facade he urged himself to become. You loved Mammon then, with all his undiscovered layers, his multifaceted sides, although not his, was endearing to you. Then, that Mammon changed back to the one everyone knew and loved, with his trademark sunglasses and devilish smirk, handing out to you his own letter. His own feelings you've never had a chance to read for yourself.

You wondered if you'd still fall in love with him if you read his actual letter.

Wait.

Still?

You gently laid Mammon down on your lap as you reached out for the letter on your drawer. It was well-kept, its scent now faint from rereading one too many times. The carnations on its corners were now a light pink, a part wrinkled and deformed from the tears that fell down your eyes when you chose to read it one particularly bad day, as it was your only solace at that time. Swallowing, you bit your lips and opened the envelope, greeted by your mysterious admirer's elegant handwriting. You read its passages again to affirm that silly slip of your mind, a hope that perhaps you're mistaken, that maybe you can still love the demon who didn't want you to leave him, but ah. Your heart was a mess again as you read the letter's passages. His heartfelt words. His love. A weird clumsiness there that spoke of propriety but gave something else away.

You thought you would discover something new, something that would make you feel human again in your rereading, but oh what a joke.

Whoever you are, Mr. Secret Admirer, please come out. You hoped for him to save you from being sunk into your ocean of denials, your growing feelings for him, an unknown that you wanted so much to be another person. To be Mammon. Why couldn't it be Mammon? He would understand, wouldn't he? He didn't seem to want any reciprocation on your part when he wrote it to you, but the thought of never knowing him ached your heart. Aren't you arrogant enough to decide who you should love? Now that Mammon was hurt by you, are you moving to your next target? Are you that much of a self-absorbed bitch?

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You felt tears stinging your eyes as more self-deprecating thoughts filled your head. It pointed fingers at you and laughed at you, calling you many names you thought you had already forgotten--a distant memory of your past that still carried its remnants in the scars of your heart.

This is why he killed you.

They only see Lilith in you.

You hurt the only person who loved you. Aren't you spoiled?

No!no!no!No!no!no!No!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!noNo!no!no!

How many apologies have you made your entire life, sorrys spoken despite not knowing what you have done? How true were the cruel words spouted at you when they thought they couldn't be heard? How deep were the wounds that festered and left ugly scars? How trivialising did you turn every sleepless night in daily conversations out of fear that no one will ever care?

How deserving are you of love that you would deny it to someone who truly loved you? For what? Feelings for an unknown you weren't even sure of? Was it even worth the risk? Perhaps it was a prank? Perhaps the author of your beloved letter would come out of hiding one day and take his words back, what would you do then? And for what reason would the hurt you caused Mammon then if your unrealised feelings amounted to nothing?

Why couldn't you just love him?

Your eyes hurt with how much you were rubbing it dry. Washing your face did little to hide its puffiness. You were tired of crying and feeling sorry for yourself, especially when you deserved it.

You wanted to make things better. Even if everything hurt, even if it was presumptuous of you to do so. Even if your heart screamed for you to follow it, to abandon all logic and find him. You wanted to tell him how much his words saved you, how much you think about him every day, how you wondered why you never noticed him and how you felt bad about that, how much you wanted to get to know him. How wonderful he was. How much he made you laugh with his clumsy awkwardness. How prettily he weaved his words. How happy you were to be loved by him, and…perhaps, how much you might love him back.

But you couldn't do that. You don't deserve to be happy. You don't deserve to meet him. You don't deserve a choice, especially if the one you thought you loved was hurting because of you.

You would rather see Mammon happy than follow your heart. You cared for him enough to let “him” go.

You

sorry if i made a new group chat for this but, i don't want mammon to see this. im really sorry for worrying you all. youre right, something IS wrong between us, and i want to stop hurting him.

You

especially you, satan. thanks for the wakeup call. i will take care of things from here.

You

the student council needs someone to stay overnight in the classrooms, right? can i please do it?

You

mammon and i need some space. he's clinging to someone who's hurting him, and that someone is me. i want to re-evaluate my feelings for him. he deserves that at least and i need all of your help.

You

this is probably a really selfish request, but please look after him. ugh this sounds really cheesy but he needs that right now. bcs of me, he wants to be another person he's not which is ridiculous now that im rethinking it. wow i can't believe the shit ive been spouting for the past few weeks. im sorry for being an ass. i don't deserve all of your forgiveness. hecc you don't have to grant that to me.

You

i just want him to be happy again.

You were afraid of checking the replies. It said the six of them already read your message and that most of them were typing a response right now but you didn't want to see it. Not right now. Any affirmation that you're a horrible person is something you couldn't handle just yet.

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But that method is for cowards. If you hurt Mammon with the truth, then it's your turn to face it as well. The truth everyone else could see but you couldn't. The lies protecting you and sparing your feelings--it needs to end.

Satan was the first to type out a response. Contrary to your really low expectations, he treated you the same way he always did.

Mammon was still asleep in your room once you came back. He looked peaceful now, snoring softly as he cuddled your blanket and muttered something incomprehensible to himself. You sat at the unoccupied side of your bed and parted the hair that blocked his eyes.

"I'm sorry for everything, Mammon. My feelings are a mess right now and I will only hurt you if we stay like this." you sighed. What's the use of telling this to someone asleep? He couldn't even hear you.

"I think…I love him, whoever he is. I don't know. Maybe I'm deluding myself." you pulled your hand away. "I'll get my shit together and reject you properly. You deserve to be happy, Mammon. And I'm sorry I couldn't give you that.

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Thank you for loving me."

💌💌💌

"I'm amazed you went out of your room when there's an event for Faith's Restoration Order right now."

"...you have a talent for teasing, has anyone ever told you that?" Levi blushed brightly beside you as he placed the plastic bag at a nearby armchair. "If you already know why I'm here, can't you at least shut up and leave me alone?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

He rolled his eyes and made a gesture of leaving the room.

"Have fun hanging out with ghosts, normie! I'm leaving."

"I'm joking! I'm joking!" you pulled him back to the empty classroom so you can sit with each other while you had your microwave dinners.

Everyone (sans Mammon and Lucifer) offered to go with you to RAD to carry your stuff while you're setting up "camp" (if you can call class A's classroom as the outdoors, that is). Lucifer wanted to go as well, (something about telling you the school regulations, and placing an anti-ghost barrier since RAD ghosts were notoriously NOISY) but his "just a cold" was apparently a 40 C fever so he was forced to stay bedridden. Satan immediately volunteered to fill in his shoes for obvious reasons, while the others were in their oddly competitive phase again that you couldn't understand. Demons, seemed to be the only logical reason and it made sense so you decided not to question it anymore (especially if they determined their birth order by power level like some generic shounen manga. Pfft. Demons. ).

Class A's classroom was filled with the scent of brimstone in the air (because of Satan's numerous spell castings) making it not a very ideal place to eat dinner, so you ate with Levi in Class B's instead. Beel wanted to stick around too, until he was enticed by Satan's promise of extra portions so Levi was the last one to leave. With how much you've known your dorky best friend however, you figured he had something to say to you and the others read the room and left the both of you alone. Judging by how much he was fidgeting in his seat, your assumptions appeared to be correct.

"Hey, uh…I heard from Satan. Are you…okay?"

Oh .

"...honestly?" you couldn't help but laugh. "This is probably the worst day ever-- err. Second worst day. Nothing can top being killed by Belphie. That was wild."

"Hey--"

"Joking, joking! Jeez. You look really serious. I'm fine, Levi."

Without a word, a paper bag landed on your lap. Levi, who was still looking down, muttered something that you needed to ask him to repeat the third time(his voice was too soft!).

"I'm returning this."

?

"Ruri-chan!" you looked at the figure box in awe. "But…I already gave this to you."

Levi shook his head. "I can't accept it." Seeing your confusion, he explained. "I was the one who told you it's Mammon who sent the letter even if I didn't even confirm if he really wrote it. After all that weird Gentlenormie shtick Mammon got cursed into, isn't it unfair? You can hate me if you want. Here, have my cheek! Then maybe my other one too! Slap it really hard and--"

He was babbling! Oh bless his heart.

How could you forget how these demons cared for you? Those looming dark thoughts in your mind were slowly disappearing, not in its entirety, but enough for you to forgive yourself a little. Your arms caged the otaku third born, muttering words of gratitude as tears threatened to fall yet again from your eyes. Oh, why are you such a crying mess today?

"You can keep it. It's not your fault, Levi. But thank you for telling me."

It took numerous JoJo references for him to be persuaded, but he finally accepted. "No one is blaming you or angry at you, just so you know. It's Mammon's fault too for not being honest. Satan's right. So…uhh…" he stuttered his next words, sounding muffled as he buried his face on your shoulder. "...it's ironic coming from me but…love yourself a little, okay? We're worried about both of you." From how your shoulder felt warm right now, he must be embarrassed. You felt touched that your usually non-vocal friend was sharing his true feelings for once without any ounce of self-deprecation. You can feel how much he cared for you, and with just that, you already felt that you weren't so bad of a person after all.

Talking with Levi reminded you how there are many forms of love, and it didn't matter what kind you felt for Mammon, what mattered was that you loved him. Was this the truth you've been blind to all along? Was this what Satan had been wanting to tell you?

"I love you, Levi."

"Wha--" he sputtered. "Wh-where did that come from? Hey, this isn't funny, you know?!"

Not hearing his protests, and only overwhelmed by your epiphany, you tightened the hug and spoke again.

"You're the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for. I love you, and I love everyone in Lamentation too!"

You felt him tremble at your words, his arms shyly hugging you back as he muttered. "Even Mammon?"

Yes, you were certain now. This was the answer you're seeking for. With newfound confidence, you answered him back. "Especially Mammon."

Silence. A very long embrace--something he was trying to get used to, especially for a love-starved you. "I'm going to break up with him."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…"you ruffled his head. "It's for the best, isn't it?"

Levi didn't answer immediately, and once he did, he sounded unsure. "Do you love Mammon?"

"Yeah, but not in the way he wants me to." you replied immediately. Now that you had a clearer picture of your feelings for Mammon, the answer came naturally to you. "I can't be unfair to him. He's…out there, you know? I want to find him."

"Find? The letter sender?"

"I love him," you reasoned. "I feel so horrible for being so happy that he actually exists! That I was not idealising Mammon, that…he's real. I'm not imagining him, and he loves me. His words saved me." you hugged him tighter. "Oh, Levi. It feels like I've known him forever!"

"..."

"Levi?"

When you attempted to pull away from him, he didn't let go. Instead, he stuttered out a clumsy reply. "What if he's not what you think he is? What if you'll be disappointed again? What if you will get hurt? You should really reconsider-"

"I have a feeling I won't." you expected this reaction from him; he was always too cautious to the point of paranoia. Too self-conscious. Pacifying him however, was another matter. "I don't know. It's my gut. Like…we've been waiting for each other and this is my last chance to be with him. It's crazy isn't it? I don't even know him, but I feel like we'd hit it off right away! Now that I think about it, it kind of feels like us, huh? Levi?

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Are you sulking?"

His unwillingness to part with your arms was already telling of his answer. You couldn't help feeling smug. "Is someone jealous?"

"Sh-shut up!"

"You do know that you'll always be my Lord of Shadow, right?"

"OMG, you're ruining the moment. Keep your mouth shut and stop pointing it out!"

"I want to see your face~"

"No."

"No one will ever take your place, you know~"

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO ANNOYING. CAN'T YOU JUST STICK TO THE SCRIPT?"

"But it's Sherlock's job to be the crazy one, Watson."

"No role-playing."

"Come to think of it, we never finished our D&D session."

"YAMETE KUDASTOP"

You lost it when he started to laugh. Since you were sharing the same brain cell most of the time, you couldn't help but laugh as well. It was cathartic. You missed this. You will miss this.

"I don't want to go back."

"Lucifer will get mad at you if you don't."

You shook your head. You were now facing each other, sharing laughs and smiles like your usual days at RAD. "I meant the human world."

"Oh…"

"Just kidding." but not really. You just didn't want to bring up yet another elephant in the room. Everyone had too much shit to deal with right now.

"If you stay here any longer, the raid will be finished. Isn't Solomon participating for that rare drop or something?"

"That fucking whale."

"Go. Kick his ass!"

And so you've heard his infamous OOOOOHHHHHS on dance battles when he was pumped up. You snorted.

"I'LL KEEP YOU UPDATED ON MY RANKINGS. WATCH ME PULVERISE THAT NORMIE"

"Mhm! I'm gonna retweet every post."

"Distract him with chain messages-"

"Oh, you bet I'm gonna keep texting him at the speed of light!"

"I shall bear thee only good news on the morrow."

"Tally ho! Make this old friend of yours proud!"

Despite your support however, your limited data connection at RAD, as well as Solomon's silence indicated your sabotage had been a failure. And to make matters worse, the said son of a gun mockingly responded to you near the end of the boss raid.

Huh? He wasn't replying anymore. Judging from the raid's usual patterns, he must be messing with Levi right now. You texted Levi a few emojis, hoping it conveyed your full emotional support and he only sent a "T__T" back. Guess it's Solomon roasting hours  for the next pajama night, huh. Again. Asmodeus would be thrilled.

Got to say though, annoying Solomon and being toxic online with Levi had distracted you from the gravity of your situation. While simmering in your own thoughts is great, if those thoughts only consisted of negativity and self-hatred, then you'd want to have a temporary escape--needless to say, it was a welcome distraction. You hoped the next few days away from the House of Lamentation would be as well. You decided to put off doing the other rounds for the booths once you wake up, and instead contented yourself with fiddling with the makeup kit that Asmo had prepared for you. It was sweet of him to buy you the lipstick you wanted so much, not helping but  wonder how he remembered something you said so long ago.

"I don't know, this colour doesn't look good on me. Oh, it would be better if Asmo were here!"

Honestly? You looked like a clown. 👁️👄👁️

Try as you might to fix your look, it only got worse(must be the puffy eyes not helping too). If you place another layer of eyeshadow on your eyelids, you would be the entire circus.

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Actually, you felt like you're the entire circus already. You had the clown look down to a tee, and everyone around you was laughing at your every move. Fuck. You are an actual clown right now--

Shit. You're dreaming.

For some reason, Levi was juggling Ruri-chan figurines at one corner, while Asmo was raving about how he's the "prettiest bearded lady ever". You saw some familiar faces in the crowd, an amused Luke clapping and absorbing everything he saw with vivid cheer, and a flustered Simeon trying to calm him down. A parallel of their dynamic was also observed with the excitable Lord Diavolo, cheering for Lucy the Lion to jump the ring of fire, while Barbatos repeated his pleas for his liege to keep his voice down in futility.  The sadistic ring master Solomon, calling you and everyone else as his toys, commanded you to "be more funny", and when you didn't oblige, cold water was splashed at you. Ah! Mammon almost fell from the tightrope! That was a close call! From another corner of the room, you saw Satan turn visibly green after doing multiple aerial tricks at the flying trapeze; Belphie was often woken up by him, as the youngest sibling kept falling asleep when he was about to catch him. Will he wake up or will Satan die? Their acts were easily the most anticipated at the circus. Beel was supposed to be the elephant balancing on a ball, but got distracted by a bag of peanuts from the audience and had to be removed from the main acts.

"Do something funny, clown!" the crowd booed at you as you continued gawking. You felt cold all over thanks to the water,  that even when you hugged yourself and tried to rub your hands, you only felt number and number. The boos got louder, and more water was thrown at you until you've had enough of that and you couldn't help but say,

"Can't a clown have their rights?!"

…then you suddenly felt really warm and woke up, seeing a blanket wrapped around you.

A hooded figure backed away and attempted to flee, but you responded quickly and grabbed his arm.

…he's warm. Really warm. Feverish even.

"Who are you?" you glared at him, and he only struggled to get away from you and didn't answer.

"Silence huh? You're one stubborn ghost.

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Wait. There can't be a ghost here. What are you?"

The hooded figure seemed hesitant, but with no ways to escape, he finally spoke to you. "You're right. I am a ghost and you're still in a dream."

Oh. That makes sense. If he's a ghost and you can touch him in this empty classroom, then he might just be right. Even so, you didn't let him go. He was too suspicious. "And, what are you doing out here, ghost?"

You couldn't see his face as it was too dark.

"Are you trying to kill me-"

"Never! I would not let anyone do that again!"

Again? This ghost says some weird stuff.

"You looked really cold, so I…"

Come to think of it, besides your exposed fingers that was grasping his arm, you felt really warm and comfy. "Oh, thanks. I didn't know ghosts can touch physical objects. Wow, this dream is weird."

"...I won't leave. Please warm your hands. They're freezing."

True to his word, the feverish ghost sat on the floor and faced you. You couldn't tell his expressions, but he did seem uneasy since he was looking at every corner of the room.

"Mr. Ghost, aren't you cold? You can share the blanket if you want.

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Ghost?"

"...you are far too defenseless." He sounded angry. "Why must you ask a ghost that? What if I curse you?"

"Woah okay, no sharing the blankets then, sheesh. You can't even benefit from a blanket so why so mad, bro?"

"It's a dream so it doesn't have to make sense."

Ohh, he has a point.

"I haven't seen a human like you here for centuries. Your aura is strange as well. Ah! I'm not going to possess you, so please put that holy water down. I only meant that it's dangerous for you to be here alone, you know."

"That's why he put a lot of barriers here. To protect me."

"He?"

"My friend. His name is Satan."

For a ghost, he didn't hover much, and he didn't seem to pull any pranks. Instead, he listened to you, and sometimes even felt concerned for you. Rather than a ghost, he felt like a friend you've known for a very long time.

"Oh, I heard that name before. He and his brothers are famous around here--the Seven Rulers of Hell. They're really powerful."

"Yeah, powerful and kinda dumb."

"Is it okay for you to say that?"

"Yeah, it's fine because if they're dumb, I'm a complete moron."

"Probably not as dumb as a ghost that gets colds. You're good."

"Pfft!"

It was easy to talk to him; he didn't judge you for your opinions, and listened to you with undivided attention. At times, your gut told you that you know this ghost man, that this isn't the first time you've ever had a conversation with each other, that his warmth and kindness felt awfully familiar.

"I wonder what you were like when you were alive? You seem really calm for a ghost."

"My life isn't very interesting. I might have even forgotten about that already, perhaps that's why."

Was it a sore topic? Probably not. You couldn't hear any bitterness in his voice, in fact, it felt like he was at peace.

"What about you? There must be a reason why you're here.

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I understand if you won't share them with me, I'm sor--"

"I needed to get away," you said, wrapping yourself closer to your warm blanket. "Though I suppose ghosts can't relate. You don't have any more mortal worries to think about."

"That's not true at all," he reassured you. "Being a ghost opens up another load of worries. You're fine the way you are."

"You say that as if you know me."

"...you're right. I'm sorry, I don't know you at all."

Wait. Where did you hear that before?

"Will you visit my dreams again?"

"Probably not. It's for the best."

Oh. You couldn't help but feel disappointed.

"Even if I want to see you again?

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A-are you okay?! That was a really loud impact!"

How the hell could this ghost not pass through objects?! Is he really a ghost?! At least act like a normal ghost in your own dreams, sheesh!

"I'm…fine."He reassured you. "I wasn't able to see the armchair--

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You're way too close."

"And you're really hot. Your forehead's a furnace!"

The ghost spluttered and put a hand between the two of you. "I have already told you, I am a dumb ghost who can catch colds, so if you value your health, please don't get too close to me."

"Have you ever kissed a clown? In this angle, I can just push you down and--"

"ENOUGH!"

He felt warmer, hiding his face completely under his hood. "Please move away."

"Not until you agree I'll see you again."

"I cannot control your dreams."

"But you haven't even tried yet!"

"You're being ridiculous."

"So what? This is my dream! If I want to see you again then I could, couldn't I?"

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.

"It's not funny!"

"I apologise. I couldn't help it. You're the most amusing human I have ever talked to. You have touched this old soul's heart, enough perhaps to finally depart for the afterlife.

.

.

.

.

Don't look so disappointed; it was a mere jest. I have some time left to spare. If you would have me, then I would be happy to keep you company."

You only said those words because he seemed like he was about to leave---but with his promise of company, your heart calmed down. You've had several conversations with that weird mellow ghost who couldn't do his job properly; a presence, though surreal was something you badly needed,someone who didn't know you at all but felt the opposite. You talked like age-old friends in that cold and empty classroom, growing familiar with his laughter, the shadow of a smile under his hood he refused to take off. A kind, and sometimes seemingly all-knowing worldliness that was almost ethereal. Then again, he was a ghost, so you supposed it was fitting for his personality.

"...I see. A love for an enigma you've only known through penned words, and a love you wanted to feel for someone who held you dearly. That is a difficult situation. Is that why you have claimed this space as your temporary dwelling?"

You nodded. "It's better to keep my distance from Mammon for now. If I act kindly, won't he misunderstand? I don't want to give him false hope. He deserves better."

"You're not angry that he kept things from you?"

"Eh?"

"Ah?

.

.

.

.

.

Did that thought perhaps, never cross your mind?"

"No…should I be angry?"

The ghost sighed to himself and you felt his warm, feverish breaths next to you. "Honestly, what was I expecting? If you could be friendly with a ghostly invader from your dreams, of course such an ill thought would never cross your mind."

The moonlight illuminated through the classroom's windows, casting a pale yellow light that revealed your new friend's warm smiles.

"You're lovable like that, I suppose."

...huh?

Did your heart just skip a beat? And why did he remind you of someone just now?

"Your blanket had come undone. Wait, allow me."

Unusually warm was the ghost of a man standing closely beside you. He wrapped the blanket back around you and you realised you couldn't breathe, intoxicated by the beauty of his smiles. His touches were light, as if trying his all to not make contact with you, proper and gentlemanly, almost to the point of stuffiness.

"There. You're warm again."

!!!

Why didn't you realise sooner?

...why did you feel like crying?

"An argument is one thing, but this is quite a reckless decision. Sigh. What am I going to do with you?

.

.

.

You must take better care of yourself."

A gentle hand that stroked your head, his familiar warmth. His voice. His gestures. Even his scolding. Why did it feel like you know this person?

And if you do, is he important to you?

...was he?

...why? Why ' was' ? Was he not important to you anymore?

"I wish I could take away all of your pain, but I could only do so much. They dragged you here without even asking if you're okay with it, and now one of them is even causing you this heartache. Not that I have the right to get angry for your sake.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's all right to feel surfeited. Your emotions are valid, no matter what other people will say. You shouldn't force yourself to love someone. It would be cruel to both of you."

"It's you."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It is you!"

You couldn't help it. The tears just started to flow on their own.

"Wh--

.

.

!!!"

You didn't want to let him go.

"I found you…"

"..."

If this was all a dream and he isn't real, then can't he stay there with you a bit longer? You can hear his clothes rustle as he struggled to take your arms away from his body, pausing (perhaps he's looking at you, you don't know), his breath dangerously close to yours.

You don't even need to know his name. His presence, the way he carries himself, as well as the way he spoke made you certain that he was your beloved letter sender.

So why couldn't you see what he looked like even in your dream?

You could feel him resisting when you pulled him closer to you, cheeks warm on the crook of your neck.

"I think I love you..."

"This is just a dream. Mammon is waiting for you. Everyone is. You cannot stay here."

"Dream? I don't care. Why did you write that and make me fall for you when you can't even fight for me? Why? Are you going to say all that you've written is a joke?"

"It's not..."

"Then why can't you confess to me like a normal person?"

"I'm sorry."

"I love you."

Despite not being able to see him, you could feel that there was a wistful smile on his face.

"You don't even know me."

"But--"

"I do love you too. I still love you. I wish I could-- No, I should not. After all this time...even if..."

"Do we know each other?"

"This is just a dream."

"Do we know each other?!"

"...no."

"You're lying."

"...it's the truth." He looked down, finally free from the grip of your hold. "I must go. You should too. You cannot stay in a dream forever. At some point, you should start facing reality."

"..."

"I'm no good for you. I mean it. A coward who cannot  even tell you his name will never be good enough. I'm sorry for hurting you."

Why does he feel so familiar then? What is this ache in your chest? You wanted to wake up and face him, maybe then you'd know why hearing him caused you to feel this way. However, sleep was beckoning you in that ridiculous dream and you can hardly strain your ears to listen to him as you felt drowsier by the second.

"...I'm sorry. Despite everything I did, I feel like that's all I could ever say to you. Forget about what you read. Yes, when you wake up, all of your sadness shall disappear. I'll make sure of it. You will be happy again. So please...

.

..

.

..

.

.

don't remember me at all--"

Why is he so sure? It's almost arrogant of him to assume for you. But the security of his words felt like he was saying things for certain, that he can actually do the impossible.

"Can't you at least tell me your name?"

"I can't …it was a short time we've known each other but I'll treasure it forever. This is just a dream, so I hope it will stay that way for you."

He talked way too much. If he's going to disappear after this dream is over anyway, then you'd rather make the most of it!

!!!

You leaned forward and felt his lips on yours, feeling the jolt on his body, startled by your gestures. However, he said one thing and did another, much like the forced propriety in his letter, he came undone in your embrace and deepened the kiss, feeling every corner of your mouth. You did the same, closing your eyes and relishing every feverish moment, unsure of time passing as you felt his warmth against yours.

It was such a shame you couldn't see his face. He must have looked lovely right now with his flushed face and his adorably confused, glazed look. Pulling away from him only initiated another kiss, and another. And another, as if making up for lost time. The ones he initiated drowned you, feverish yourself; feeling the intensity of his passions as you melted into each other.

Why did he tell you you could never work out? Your bodies said otherwise. You wanted more. To be closer to him, to get to know him, to call him by his name, to share those three words with him, to hear him say them back.

"I love you…."

You muttered out of breath as your lips parted from the numerous kisses you shared. You could hear him breathing softly beside you, yet he only answered you in silence.

The warm hand stroking your head was gone, the familiar warmth and kindness...

.

.

.

.

familiar?

.

.

.

Who?

When you woke up, a warm blanket was wrapped around you--one that you didn't remember having when you slept. And any remnant of someone ever giving it to you, even in a distant dream was gone...

"Hm? What's this?"

[ Obtained KEY 4: ~Receipt~ ]

>View it here

>continue to next scenario

...or so you thought.

💌💌💌

[ You have unlocked a new chatroom in MEMORIA 7. ]

💌Read it here

💌Continue to next scenario

💌masterlist

[bangtannnscenariosbro]

Hogwarts Students!BTS

Admin River speaks: ok i’ve had this idea for sO long and I’ve been rereading the series again for the 5th time rip me. but yeah just these are my opinions pls dont attack me ddjjfjfjs. Also I made this a while ago and recently Namjoon wrote where the members would be, I know, I know. So without further ado, enjoyyyy 

Tae

• the cute Gryffindor who always seems to smile • messy hair • and robes • his shirt is usually unbuttoned a few buttons • loose tie • his wand behind his left ear • chaser !!! • usually gets out of trouble because none of the teachers seem to be able to r e s i s t his s m i l e • headmaster/mistress probably has a soft spot for him • probably has rlly good grades, like all O’s maybe a few E’s • “but, professor” • can be restless and talkative in class • is probably rlly into care of magical creatures • Hagrid would absolutely a d o r e him • just so full of life • in the choir bc yes boi • h o g s m e a d e especially when its s n o w i n g

• most likely part veela

• like have you s e e n him

• beauty right there • is able to smuggle in firewhiskey

• laughs when the other students cant drink it and make a face

• laughs even more when they watch in horror as he downs a cup

• “the hell, tae ???”

• j o k e s h o p

• loves the Weasley’s joke shop

• talks to the ghosts and portraits a lot

• has probs accidently charmed a couple ladies in the portraits

• which comes in handy when he finds out all these secret passages

• loves flower crowns and loves making them during the spring

• “here yoongi i made u one”

• “..... I'm more concerned as how u knew thats my favorite flower.”

• “that’s your favorite flower?”

• “.... forget i said anything.”

• k just imagine after a game he flies down from his broom with a huge grin and pushes he goggles up and so his hair is all wild and even more messy

• n he brings every1 in a group hug and cheers “we won, we won !!!”

• even if they dont win be celebrates with the other team

•...somtimes.. be gets pouty tho

• “we literally could have won that was a foul :(“

Jin • cute Hufflepuff • always so full of advice

• if u want u could set up a lil date with him at hogsmeade to just talk about your problems and sip a warm drink • so s o motherly • sometimes he has a loose tie and disheveled hair • he has rlly nice skin and the other students are like ??? tell me ur secrets ??? • hufflepuff’s dorms are by the kitchens so he probably made friends with the elves working there • can probably walk in and out whenever he wants • the few times he walks in late to class he probably has a few crumbs on his mouth or robes or maybe like some sugar or flour and its so e n d e a r i n g • such a good student • pays so much attention in class • sometimes wears those glasses, you know which ones • the girls probably all like him • and a few boys too hehe coughsnamjooncoughs • probably likes charms and maybe divination • he probably also likes herbology • also is probably in the choir because i mean have you h e a r d h i m • loves going to Hogsmeade • probably is pretty good friends with Madame Rosmerta • exchanges recipes with her • he seems so sophisticated and people probs look up to him a lot • p r e f e c t • h e a d  b o y

• tells so many jokes to first years

• windshield laugh

• u would think the first years would be scared but no???

• they end being less nervous and smile and giggle with him

• even jin gets slightly surprised

• they end up getting close with him and almost like his own kids

• “but jiiiiiiiiinnn”

• “fine :/”

• ok but he stops so many fights n things from escalating too quickly

• both in the dorms and in bts

• even a couple teacher drama incidents

• professors lowkey want him to stay n teach there

• gets so worried??? About people ???

• he has a nervous tick where he keeps rubbing his hands as if he's putting on lotion

• but if he's rlly worried he's absolutely still and that's probs when u should be worried too Yoongi • ok he was rlly hard • like i wanted to say slytherin but idk i felt like i was stereotyping a bit by looks • i wanted to say ravenclaw but like idk man • i think I’m settling for g r y f f i n d o r • he’s rlly brave, man, like he went through so m u c h and he is so strong and f i g h t s back yanno • some ppl probably can't understand why he’s a gryffindor and he wants to keep it like that lol • he’s never seen doing his hw most of the time but gets ??? Perfect scores??? • he unbuttons one button on his shirt because its t o o t i g h t dammit i cant breathe • also slightly loose tie • defense against the dark arts all the way bro • a knack for transfiguration but gets so flustered when the professor compliments him which means red cheeks and wide eyes for days • hypes up quidditch so m u c h • like if its rlly cold and its raining he’d be like ew gross no im not going • but is a l w a y s there • gummy smiles and screaming when they win • he’s rlly good at quidditch but never joined bc “too much responsibility” • he’s lowkey insecure about his skills but sshh dont tell anyone • probs joins like 5th year

• a beater probably

• helps with stress lol • he has so much confidence and ppl appreciate that and wish they had that

• joon gave him a music box once cause he thought it was rlly pretty n yoongi just fell in love with it

• ink stained fingers

Jimin • the cute hufflepuff everyone adores • hypes up friends 25/8 • talks in class and then gets sheepish and embarrassed when he gets called out to stop • will fight??? Anyone ??? Who messes with his friends ??? • but liek if u hurt him u suddenly got all of hufflepuff as ur enemy sorry bro • he’s so so sweet like he probably gives all his professors gifts for the holidays • homemade cookies (with the help of jin ofc) • probably takes up knitting so that he can make scarfs 4 his frens • always there at quidditch games and hypes all his friend even if they’re against each other • he’s so reliable??? • giggles 4 days • but liek he is so cute n innocent but has laser focus and is so passionate about getting things done some ppl are just ??? Slytherin tho ??? • he’s the loyalist loyal to ever loyal • he probs enjoys muggle studies • muggle studies and potions • he likes the fact that you get all these ingredients and then end up with this huge product that can save lives or end them   w i l d t • will stay up rlly late if u need someone to talk to • will also make sure u go to ur dorm safely and probably tuck u in

• the kind of person every1 wants 2 protect

• but dOnt be fooled this boi can be solo mischievous

• its ok tho he cute

• he's like hot chocolate with whipped cream and caramel sauce

• ya feel?

• will break the rules if he has to don't underestimate him

• don't underestimate him in general

Namjoon

• ravenclaw!!!

• this boi is so smart like he could have easily pursued a career academically n wasnt he top of his class too ?

• even if that's wrong his lyrics sure prove it right

• he would do certain things and ppl would be like typical ravenclaw

• at first he was proudful of his house but then he slowly started getting insecure

• he didn't want to be known as this typical ravenclaw

• but he soon realizes that it's ok because he's just being himself n if ppl need to label things then o well

• v awkward but so w i s e

• like he thinks of so many abstract ideas that like??? It's amazing??

• carries around a lil notebook full of stories and poems

• so much p a t i e n c e

• he also feels so deeply and sometimes feels like exploding so he probably gets in lil moods where he wants to be alone

• luckily he has his frens (bts) who r like uhm bro let's talk

• so sweet and just wants the best 4 ppl but its sometimes hard to express t h a t

• stresses out easily during exams

• laughs and smiles that make flowers grow

• p r e f e c t a n d h e a d b o y

• he does lil things like save u butterbeer if ur not feeling well or get u sum sweets from Hogsmeade

• such a sweetheart

• luvs spending time outside especially during the spring

• lowkey writes poetry about his friends

• he just appreciates them so much

• transfiguration and ancient runes boi

• l i b r a r y

• Filch probably picks on the poor boy like

• joon is running back to his dorm after a study session in the library

• n filch is like iTs AftEr Hours

• and joon is like ??? I have 5 minutes ???

• sometimes he goes wide eyes like a deer in the headlights when he panics or doesn't know what's going on omg protect this boi

Hoseok

• okAy he's Ravenclaw tOo fIght mE

• he is just so fascinated by learning new things like

• wth that plant can do that???

• that animal exists ???

• w ow i e

• ok but sunshine boi

• is absolutely excited about herbology and care of magical creatures

• also charms

• he's just always so excited to learn new things !!!

• he stresses easily tho and breaks down a lot bc he gets a lot of pressure to get good grades

• like boi that's not ravenclaw calm ya shit

• frens defend him 25/8

• keeper!!!

• he learns to keep his wand hidden in weird places and like pulls it out at random places and ppl are like ???

• lots of screamign and happiness

• ppl get annoyed but it's hoseok he can do no wrong

• asks weird questions that are somehow relevant to the subject but r so abstract that even some professors are baffled

• he's so flexible ???

• like some ppl r just ??? How the h e ck??

• n liek the lil shit he is he winks and says “magic”

• lots of “hobi why”

• charms banners for quidditch when he doesn't play so they're all pretty n cool

• the school doesn’t suspect it's him

• him sharing a bunk with namjoon !!!

• luvs visiting Hagrid with Tae

• always has a new piece of info about dragons 2 share with Hagrid

• robes r usually wrinkled

• him wearing flower crowns/ bracelets that tae makes

Jungkook

• okay so

• hear me out

• s l y t h e r i n

• he was 15 when he debuted n liek ???

• he's 19 now ?? Thats a lot of ambition and hard work

• also he's a meme n he's cunning when he wants stuff

• n he also said he can handle hard schedules but when bts starts to hurt that's when he feels bad like ???

• but liek he gets kinda insecure sometimes bc slytherin is “””””bad””””””

• but he gets a talk from namjoon that ppl will be like that n to just ignore because a house is just supposed to let u be surrounded by ppl who r similar to u to learn better

• he also lowkey gives him permission to beat any1 up

• when he was younger he would sometimes sneak to other dorms

• to be with one of the members since be was insecure n shy with his house members

• but he soon grew confident and made other friends and bts were like proud moms lol

• seeker!!!!

• he always feels bad going against his frens but they just wink at him n he gets confidence

• frequent visits to madame pomfrey bc he a daredevil smh

• joins choir like 3rd year

• he hesitated for so long because he's an insecure bab and !!!!

• but tae n jin r liek cmon boi ur very good let's do this

• he pretends to be a bad boi with bts but he barely gets a glimpse of a professor n he quickly straightens his tie n smooths down his shirt

• art !!!!

• he likes to sketch ppl

• “hey yoongi do this with ur hands”

• wavy haired jungkook 6th n 7th year !!!!!

• his book bag has at least 2 sketchbooks

• he would feel so bad when ppl would notice his robes and point and whisper

• but they realized how he actually was n how bts treated him

• vvvv talented

• catches on to concepts right away

• ppl think he likes defense against the dark arts but actually……..

• care of magical creatures is his fav

• probs lowkey likes astronomy