#i saw someone saying 'they should have used some of the musical songs glenn slater is a great lyricist' and i was like 'LET'S not go crazy'

[joons]

more little mermaid (2023) hot takes

i didn't like "wild, uncharted waters" much. i don't know why he sounded so much like bastille? lol. it wasn't an improvement on "her voice" from the musical. it served a fine purpose, but it was my least favorite new song because it was just there. if it had been given more of a broadway treatment, i would have enjoyed it more, i think. the production of it was just odd. "her voice" also emphasizes the mad, obsessive aspect in the music, with minor key resolutions and repetitive, WAVELIKE instrumentation.

"for the first time" was pretty cute and a definite improvement on "beyond my wildest dreams," which is probably one of my least favorite glenn slater songs (!!!). i like the caribbean flavor, i like ariel expressing doubt and embarrassment and frustration mixed with clear excitement. it does a lot more with "look at this new stuff!" than "beyond my wildest dreams," which is just glenn slater listing things, constantly, forever.

"the scuttlebutt," i am sorry to say, slaps. i don't want to explain how much i've been listening to it, lmao. for that matter, awkwafina as scuttle slapped. scuttle was the best adapted character with an incredible design and a fun update of being a diving bird. but i'm a scuttle girl. i'm a "positoovity" stan. i'm insane.

hated that sebastian wasn't a composer in this. i always liked how sebastian is a snob who kind of only gets involved in ariel's life because she ruined his day and he couldn't keep his mouth shut. it's ALMOST as an equal that triton asks him to keep an eye on ariel. obviously he's a subject and does have to take orders from the king, but it's not like actually his job description to advise the king. that's what makes it funny when he's constantly advising the king, unasked for, and then ends up having to put his money where his mouth is and prove that ariel can be controlled. making him the official adviser is so boring.

i am still trying to get my head around some of the changes to ursula's deal. i feel like they have a huge impact, but the movie doesn't necessarily realize that. something about the way mermaids and humans are seen as genuinely conflicting species in this, the way ursula just assumes that without a sweet, mermaid voice, ariel has no chance of captivating eric... it becomes more of an interspecies conflict instead of a gender war, you know? ursula still has a very low view of men, so i almost feel like taking out the "holds her tongue" verse was a missed opportunity to give her mistaken views more relevance. like she's just scuttling her way into telling ariel how love on the surface works. and that should feed into the "our species have misunderstood each other for so long" thing. that it prevents meaningful relationships between species, between genders, between fathers and daughters. and i feel like that theme could have been enhanced by making ursula a bullshitter who delights in SOWING DISCORD and creating these pressure points of misunderstandings. i got the definite vibe, though it was never directly stated, that ursula is the reason ariel's mom died in this version, that she created all the conflicts in the film. so rejecting her worldview is part of the generational healing process. so the more we can dwell on that worldview and knock it down, the better!

i also missed my ditzy sisters! they were too competent!

[plush-anon]

after many hours spent pausing the show bc good lord why did they do that, i have now finished Love Never Dies

annnnnd yikes 😬😬😬

I’ll start with the few positives I did enjoy from the recorded Australian production on Youtube:

1.) the camera work. This is the kind of thing I dream of for professionally recorded shows - it really allows for some lovely close-up shots of how the emotions play over their faces, it’s lush

2.) the costumes are well-crafted, and I desperately Want the Phantom’s long-ass swooshy trenchcoat cape thing he wore for the first half-hour 

3.) the sets used throughout this are honestly very impressively used and put together for some really fantastic shots

4.) the opening, with ‘Til’ I Hear You Sing Once More’. This song is honestly very lovely, and really articulates the Phantom’s loss and heartache for Christine. It’s sung very earnestly, and had the rest of the show been more like this I might have liked it more. 

5.) the Fucking Song, ‘Beneath a Moonless Sky’, is a guilty pleasure. It’s so over the top, and it is only about recounting that One Time they totally banged yo, and I love it. I think it’s the orchestration, but it’s also enjoyably silly even while it takes itself 100% serious. 

6.) As much as I hate to say this? ‘Devil Take the Hindmost’. While I hate the gist of the song - that being Raoul and Erik betting on who Christine will choose, and pretty much deciding for her who will get to be her one true love forever, completely negating the entire point of the OF musical where her choice was the most important factor for all of them - the pacing and the lyrics as they dance around each other are absolutely fantastic. It’s kind of sad to say, but Raoul and the Phantom, in this scene alone, display more chemistry in their singing than they do with anyone else. Let the hatefcuking commence~

7.) Some parts of ‘The Beauty Underneath’ I enjoy, particularly the ending scene where the Phantom is trying to talk Meg down. It’s very slow, melodic, and shows his more manipulative side, as well as how he can crawl into someone’s head, I love it. 

8.) This very interesting visual with a mirror in Christine’s dressing room. There are two separate scenes where someone is in the mirror singing. The first is the Phantom, between Raoul and Christine. The second is Raoul between the Phantom and Christine. It’s honestly a nice touch.

9.) The main three are excellent singers. 

 Unfortunately, that’s all on the list of what I liked. Everything else is a Giant Fcuking Mess. 

1.) The Phantom is no longer a complex, messed-up, but still somewhat sympathetic character, no; this is just a giant asshole who takes everyone for granted and barely realizes that anyone else exists except Christine, and even then only really as his personal instrument. 

He never actually apologizes to Christine for the shit he’s put her through and continues to put her through, but still demands obedience and forgiveness and understanding. It completely negates the entire point of POTO’s ending, where he actually realizes he’s done wrong by her and his actions pertaining her, and lets her go from his world entirely, and RESPECTING HER CHOICES AND LEAVING HER ALONE. 

Not to mention This Bitch also threatens to kidnap/possible “lose” her child if she doesn’t sing for him, keeps pushing her around and telling her what to do, and manipulating her life to change her decisions for her. 

AND HE’S FRAMED AS THE BETTER OPTION HERE

2.) Which reminds of me of the next big asshat: Raoul de Chagny, who has now become an alcoholic gambler who pushes his wife to do things she’s not comfortable doing to repay his debts, neglects his son entirely, and also is abrasive and controlling of Christine, to the point he yanks her back and forth on doing shit. Play this role! We should leave bc he was an asshole! No now we should leave bc Phantom is back! No take the role he’s paying triple! I’ll make a bet on whether she loves me to pay my debts! No wait you should quit ten minutes before you go on-stage bc I don’t want to lose you! MAKE UP YOUR GODDAMN MIND YOU MISERABLE PISSANT SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Like I can understand being overprotective to a certain degree, which could eventually morph into being controlling. But neglecting your son, your wife, drinking and gambling your fortune away? ALL of that?!? Really???

Shouldn’t he be desperate to keep his wife and son close to him at all times after the events of POTO? Never leave, never go anywhere, only do what’s safe? You COULD have set this up as a continuation of Safety versus Freedom with Raoul and the Phantom, show the good and bad of both and have her choose from there. Show the dichotomies and hypocrisies of both men’s standards. 

But nope! We’re just totes gonna make the husband like this for no goddamn reason, especially since Raoul doesn’t start suspecting that Gustave (his son) isn’t really his until Devil Take the Hindmost. He’s just that much of an idiot!

3.) The presence of Madame Giry and Meg Giry. Oh gods, where to even begin? They’re pretty much only here so that Sir Andy doesn’t have to make new characters with different backstories and motivations and introduce them accordingly. Nope! Now both women are blaming Christine for leaving the Phantom Man-Baby, and talking about everything they sacrificed to help him make his stupid-ass circus, and talking about how they love him and GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Madame Giry in the POTO musical YOU LED RAOUL DIRECTLY TO THE PHANTOM’S LAIR SO HE COULD RESCUE CHRISTINE WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW SHE BETRAYED HIM

And, oh, Meg... she reaaaaaaaaaaaaally got the short end of the stick here. I just... poor dear, she was horribly treated in this. 

Neither of them deserved to be like this, honestly. 

4.) Christine, to a lesser extent. Experienced Literal Character Assassination, forced to choose between two horrible options, stripped of her agency entirely, used as a bet in a game between said two horrible options, lied to and dragged around constantly, should have taken Gustave and run off with Meg to run a music store together. Fcuk you Sir Andy, for using POTO characters to act out your bitterness and frustration at your ex. 

5.) The entirety of the whole Boardwalk Circus schtick, spawning an additional Fuck You to Frederick Forsythe, who thought this was a tenable option for the story to progress. 

6.) The Phantom’s deformity was literally just four lines drawn onto his face with crayon and some smeared lipstick:

what even the fcuk, you couldn’t make the make-up crayon drawing more detailed??? take more than ten minutes to draw it on???

I never thought I would say this, but even the 2004 film’s depiction was better than this! At least that one partially drew from a real medical condition, Sturge-Weber Syndrome. What the fcuk is your excuse LND?!?

7.)  The Lyrics. Oh gods, the lyrics. Some songs were decent, mostly the ones I listed up top. But the rest? Did someone forget to give the writer a more advanced/creative guide to rhyming lyrics? I wrote better shit in middle school than Glenn Slater did for the majority of these lyrics. 

Glenn my dude, what the fcuk is this nonsense? You’ve written good shit like the Tangled songs and stuff for Galavant! Why are you writing worse than an angst-ridden middle schooler? It is immensely frustrating, to say the least. 

8.) The really WEIRD direction in acting. No one here acts like they know how to move their arms or hands naturally; there’s a lot of really odd and unnecessary gesturing that makes it look like everyone has just had their limbs replaced with faulty robotic arms. There’s also a lot of leaning the characters do, with their arms perfectly straight by their side and it just looks wrong. 

9.) The Phantom’s pseudonym is Mr. Y. No, they never explain why it is he chose that particular moniker. 

10.) Bathing Beauty. Just... all of it, here, tied to POTO, present and here. 

11.) It’s been exactly 10 years since Christine saw/banged the Phantom, and her son is precisely 10 years old. 

That’s... not how pregnancy works. At all. 

12.) This weird scene with the American press, where they are absolutely obsessed with Christine, despite the facts they present, such as:

- She hasn’t performed in 10 years anywhere. 

- She was a French performer, and

- She only starred in three operas at the Populaire (Hannibal, Il Muto, and Don Juan Triumphant, which wasn’t even finished. So technically 2.2 operas that we know of). 

Why, precisely, would American reporters be so obsessed with her upon hearing she’s coming? I could see some interest given the whole shebang with the Phantom, but after 10 years of radio silence, would she really garner an entire crowd of reporters and photographers... in America, no less? 

France I could definitely see. America? Not so much. 

13.) Gustave is a flat, generic kid character, who apparently is totes the Phantom’s son because... he can play the piano well. And also has the same ideas of music as the Phantom, despite never being taught about them, or discussed such things with his mother. 

Is musical talent only inherited through the father’s side of the family in this universe? I mean, we never learn about Christine’s mother, just her famous violinist father. Otherwise, why is it Gustave’s musical talent isn’t attributed to - oh, I don’t know - HIS FAMOUS OPERA SINGER MOTHER?!?

14.) Apparently the Phantom is also now the one who invented cars OH I MEAN “horseless carriages” 🙄 A carriage with no engine and a “ghost horse” appears, and everyone is just fcuking stunned by this, like they’ve never seen a vehicle move without a horse before. In 1907. 22 years after the first functional automobile was invented. Ugh. 

15.) seriously tho who thought basing a sequel on the Frederick Forsythe novel was a good idea why did nobody think to stop him apart from Sir Andy’s pet cat Otto. why.

16) The Phantom’s interactions with Gustave are distinctly creepy and unsettling. I keep getting pedo vibes from him and I Do Not Like It.

17.) The death scene at the end is so goddamn over-the-top and out of nowhere I just want to throw something, ugh

18.) And finally, my last gripe with this mess: This takes place in 1907, and declares that it’s ten years after the original musical. Despite the fact that the OG took place in 1885. Yippy skippy. 😑

I can honestly say I am Not a Fan of this musical as a whole, mostly based on the plot and the character assassinations (one quite literal) and the poor lyrics. I can admire the camera work, the basic singing ability, the scenery and costumes, and maybe two or three songs. But I just do not enjoy it. It took me two days to finish watching it because I kept cringing from what shit kept happening, and had to walk around and listen to other shit to get it out of my head. 

HOWEVER: People do enjoy this one on the sake of it being so bad and over-the-top, and I can honestly see the whys. It helps that most of the cast can sing, and the orchestration is done well. There’s a TON of stupid to mock, and a lot of over-the-top awkwardness to laugh at. This is a good one to watch and mock with friends, IMO. 

For those of you who do enjoy it, I’m afraid I have to disagree on most of it. Still, it is nice being able to watch this one for free, even if it is a giant hot mess.

And that’s all for me on this one! Have a good week guys!

[wiremagazine]

ARTS NEWSIE: A BRONX TALE BROADWAY MUSICAL

By Michael Bustamante | Photos by Joan Marcus. Provided by Broadway Across America

A Bronx Tale, Broadway’s hit new musical, is coming to the Broward Center for the Performing Arts for a two-week run, June 11-23, 2019. The exciting musical was created and directed by some of the biggest names in the biz with a book by Chazz Palminteri, music by Alan Menken, lyrics by Glenn Slater, directed by Robert De Niro and Jerry Zaks, and choreography by Sergio Trujillo. The show is based on the classic film, A Bronx Tale, and transports audiences to the Bronx back in the ‘60s.

The story focuses on a young man, as he’s torn between his father and the father figure he aspires to become – a mob boss. A Bronx Tale seamlessly weaves respect, loyalty, and love in a tale that revolves around family. For more information and to purchase tickets, visit browardcenter.org.

Wire Magazine sat down with actor Richard H. Blake to discuss his role in the A Bronx Tale and why it is a must-see show.

Michael Bustamante: Tell our readers what A Bronx Tale is about. Richard H. Blake: A Bronx Tale is the life story about a man named Chazz Palminteri, who wrote the one-man show and the screenplay for the movie, and the musical. When he was 9 years old, he witnessed a murder outside of his apartment. When the cops asked if he saw anything, he did not rat out the mob boss, who he witnessed do the killing. That mob boss befriended him, took him under his wing, and became like a second father figure to him. My character is his actual father, Lorenzo, who isn’t too happy about him running with that crowd. The story follows the struggle between these two father figures, as the young boy is choosing between his family with the father that he loves, and the father figure that he would love to be.

Then, there’s the unrequited love. As he grows up, he falls in love with an African-American girl from the other side of town and has to deal with all the challenges that brings back in 1968. It’s a story with a lot of testosterone. It’s not guys and dolls, but a little bit more gritty and real with gangsters. It’s a great show for guys who don’t really like going to the theater, as it will appeal to them. It’s a tougher show with a love story. At the end of the day, A Bronx Tale is about family. The family that we have, and the family that we choose.

MB: Why should our readers go see the show? RHB: Because it’s a great show! It’s a great, timeless story. It’ll make you want to call your mom, dad, or child. The music is unbelievable. Alan Menken, one of the EGOTs of the world, wrote the score. I call it a soundscape more than a score because he actually makes you feel like you’re in the ‘60s. Robert De Niro and Jerry Zaks, who co-directed the show, really put together a really great show. When you walk in, you feel like you’re in an avenue in the ‘60s and really come into the world of these characters. And then, of course, we’re all pretty talented, ha-ha.

MB: What do you enjoy most about being in the cast of A Bronx Tale? RHB: I really enjoy playing this character. I’m a father of a young boy myself in real life, so I really relate to Lorenzo. He’s the kind of father that I aspire to be one day or now. Also, it’s a really great company with really good people. Getting to work with these legends is a real treat. Working with Chazz Palminteri and Robert De Niro, and Jerry Zaks, Alan Menken, and Tommy Mottola. Having all these people surrounding us all the time was a thrill.

MB: What’s your favorite song from the show, and why? RHB: I mean, my favorite is probably a song I don’t sing, ha-ha. It’s called “One of the Great Ones.” If Frank Sinatra was alive today and recorded that song, it would be a huge hit and sell 10 million records. I also love my songs but it seems better to pick someone else's.  

MB: What would you like audience members to take away from the show? RHB: Chazz always says the show is about two really important messages. The first one is that the saddest thing in life is wasted talent. That means that he didn’t waste his talent. He knew what he wanted to do and what he was good at, and he kept working at it until he made it. The other message is that the choices you make will shape your life forever. There’s a very important choice made in the show when a character saves him from a situation, and where, in real life, he actually saves himself. He made a choice not to do something and, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be here today. None of us would be, as the show would not exist. It’s something to think about.

MB: Is there anything else you'd like to share with Wire Magazine readers? RHB: Come and check out A Bronx Tale! I promise that you’re going to have a good time. Come be one of the neighborhood folks.