#i seriously have no idea why i made the company the villain for his haircut. i feel like i read someone's comment and ran with it

[waldau]

insecure — kim mingyu | 2,146 words | fluff, hurt/comfort

milm (man i love mingyu). short haired mingyu is so fucking hot. also, i will gladly spread the mingyu passenger princess agenda.

gender neutral reader. warnings: alcohol.

mingyu doesn't know what exactly he's feeling at the moment. his emotions range from tiredness due to how late in the night it is, to amusement as he half-registers the movie playing on the television, to his heart feeling like it's being crushed and released over and over again.

vernon, in his drunken state, made a quip about you and wonwoo making out years ago.

that has to be a joke, right? you've always said said you've never liked wonwoo that way, and mingyu knows you'd never lie to him. so why does it feel like he's waiting for something bad when he sees your text informing him you're on your way to pick him up from his place to spend a night at yours?

he himself had asked for it earlier in the day, happy when you said you'd love to have him over for the night. but given the stuff that's come up hardly an hour ago, he doesn't know if he wants to see you.

of course he does. but he's worried that he's going to say something stupid to you.

the doorbell ringing shakes him out of his thoughts. wonwoo beats him to opening the door. you're standing in one of mingyu's own hoodies, spinning your car keys in your hand, and the thought warms him up a bit. he's still not used to seeing you in his clothes.

you greet wonwoo and he moves aside to let you in. your eyes light up immediately when you spot mingyu. he raises his arms up to let you hug him from behind.

"feeling cold?" you ask, kissing his head, which is covered with a beanie. he kind of wishes you'd kissed his forehead instead.

"a bit, yeah," he says, not untruthfully. but the cold is not the only reason he has a beanie on. he brings your hand to his mouth to press a quick kiss. as much as he loves you, he's had enough of being teased by the boys for a day. he'd much rather save the real kisses for when you get out of here.

"no greetings for us?" seungcheol asks, taking a sip of his drink.

you smile and say hi to him and vernon. "sorry, guys. i've spent all day away from gyu. you have no idea how terrible it is."

"we've spent all day with him, and we kind of have an idea of how terrible it is," vernon says with a cheeky smile.

"hey," mingyu says, no real annoyance in his voice. you laugh, your hand resting on mingyu's shoulder.

"i'll be more than glad to take him off your hands. let's go, gyu?" you ask.

mingyu nods and pushes himself off the sofa, bidding the other guys goodnight.

you shiver when you step out of the building and walk towards your car. mingyu notices and takes your hand in his, putting it in the pocket of his own hoodie. he knows it doesn't help much, especially when your other hand must also be freezing, but the smile you give him is worth it. he lets go of your hand when you get to the car so you can settle down in your respective seats.

"so, how was your day?" you ask, putting the key in its slot. he can smell takeout from the backseat and his heart does a little flip. just a few years ago, he wouldn't have imagined he'd be sharing a life with someone like this, treasuring late night dinners with someone in a car. and he'd never imagined that someone would be you.

he's glad you're here, even though he knows you're always there for him. it's been an uphill journey getting himself to believe that you really do love him, because there are days like this when he doubts half of everything he knows.

"fine," he says, unzipping his hoodie. the inside of your car is warm enough for him to feel a bit better.

"that's not how you speak if your day went well," you say, reaching over to lay a hand on his thigh.

of course you know him too well. "the shoot began at seven in the morning," he says, leaning back against his seat to relax himself. "and then woozi wanted us to give some input on some lyrics he'd written before we wrapped up for the day. then wonwoo invited everyone home for a dinner party, but the only guys who stuck around were us four, because seungcheol had some ideas for the new choreography."

"aw," you say. "you wanted to leave earlier?"

"yeah. it's better with you here."

when you don't say anything, he looks at you, only to find you looking at him...sadly? confusedly? "not that i'm looking for trouble," you say, taking your hand back from his thigh, "but did i do something?"

of course not. you haven't done anything. even if you did, it's in the past. but the mere possibility that you did it...

"you hooked up with wonwoo."

you blink once. then twice. "what?"

that's an insane accusation to make out of context. so what if vernon said what he said? he was pretty drunk already. "um. i...vernon..."

you sigh. "did he say wonwoo wouldn't shut up about it for a while?"

so it did happen. mingyu nods, a bit numb. time and again his friends have teased you with wonwoo because his roommate is your boyfriend and his best friend, and time and again you've shown that you've only ever wanted mingyu. so why—

"did you...settle for me?" the words sound pathetic, even to himself. but it doesn't make sense otherwise. why would you give up a relationship with wonwoo? his standards for dating are so high, and mingyu often conspires with his friends to get his roommate to go on dates, only to no avail. wonwoo's quite content, being by himself.

you turn in your seat however much you can and look at him. your lips are pressed together in an unhappy line and mingyu hates that he's the reason you look this way.

"is that what you think i did?" you ask, folding your hands in your lap. "that i settled for you?"

"no," mingyu says, and knows he means it entirely. he knows you love him. a lot. but some days the question creeps up out of nowhere and doesn't let go for hours on end.

"then why would you think i did that?"

mingyu shrugs. what was the deal with wonwoo, he wants to ask.

you sigh and reach forward to hold his thigh again. this time, he doesn't let your hand escape, trapping your colder hand in place with his warm one.

"it's true," you say slowly. "i hooked up with wonwoo."

mingyu lets out a shaky breath. "why didn't you ever tell me that?"

"does it change anything between us?"

like hell it would. mingyu would kick himself if that ever happened. he stares at his hand on yours. "no," he says reluctantly. "unless you have feelings for him— i know you don't, baby. but still."

you reach for his hand with your other one, trapping it like a sandwich. an idiot sandwich, he thinks, the thought bringing a small smile to his face.

"when i say we hooked up, we just kissed. a whole lot. but it was only ever that."

mingyu looks up at that. you're serious, he realizes. "just...kissing?"

"yeah. we knew it'd go nowhere. it was a mistake."

a mistake? "when...did this happen?"

"remember that party your friend baekho threw? wonwoo invited me to it."

mingyu doesn't remember the specifics, but he knows you'd been invited by wonwoo because he'd wanted the whole group to meet his old friend from college. mingyu had taken one look at you and realized he really liked you. it wasn't like wonwoo to have a ton of friends that weren't from the band, so he'd immediately taken a shine to you.

you take your hands away from his and he immediately misses them, even though they're cold. "it was supposed to be you," you say, voice small.

"what?"

"the person i kissed. it was supposed to be you."

"what?" he knows he sounds like a broken record.

you let out a small, embarrassed noise. "wonwoo said he'd try to get you alone in a room so i could confess and see what happened. but because we both ended up being drunk by the end of the night, he mistook me for some girl and i mistook him for you and we kissed."

mingyu gapes at you. you're a very graceful drunk, leagues ahead of him, but kissing someone thinking they're someone else?

"shut up," you murmur. "if i'd known it was wonwoo i'd have backed off right away."

mingyu lets out a laugh, his heart feeling so much lighter. to think you'd been kissing wonwoo thinking it was mingyu makes him feel giddy. he likes knowing you've probably been into him longer than he's been into you.

"then what was that thing about wonwoo not being able to shut up?"

you sigh. "he found it pretty funny and always brought it up to the guys, but i wasn't amused."

mingyu can't get it out of his head now. it's more funny than it's sad. maybe it's funny in a sad way. but he can't stop thinking about how awkward it must have been for you to hang out with wonwoo after that little mishap.

"stop laughing," you scold him lightheartedly, smacking his arm.

"i'm sorry," he says, hands reaching out for you. the weight on his chest has almost gone entirely.

it's a bit difficult, but you manage to move to his side and sit on his lap. your car's a bit small for such fancy maneuvers but mingyu always loves being close to you, no matter how.

"hi," you say, finally kissing him. he's missed you all day long, and all he wants to do now is go to your place and hold you in his arms all night long.

"hi," he says, looking up at you. he can't keep the stupid smile off his face.

"still feeling cold?" you ask, lightly tugging at his beanie. "i can turn on the heat, if you want."

the hesitation comes back. he shakes his head, but if you're sitting this close to him, surely you're not going to make fun of him?

"we had the shoot today."

"so you said, gyu."

"they...made me..."

"do a hundred push-ups?"

mingyu's eyes widen. "you think i can do a hundred push-ups?"

"i don't know, maybe?"

mingyu inhales sharply. "then i'll train to do them for you."

you shake your head and kiss him again. "you can do ten and i'll still be happy. what happened then?"

mingyu deflates. he doesn't look bad, not to himself, but it's just... new. he's not used to having such short hair.

"i got a haircut," he says, tugging off his beanie and closing his eyes, scared of your reaction.

your voice is low when you say, "oh, my god."

mingyu doesn't dare open his eyes. "is that a good thing, or..."

"gyu, sweetheart, do you have any idea how hot you look?"

he opens his eyes to see yours trained on his face, flitting between his lips and his hair. he feels the slightest bit self-conscious. "i kind of feel like an egg."

"then you're the hottest egg i've ever seen. seriously, what made you go for it?"

mingyu shrugs. "it wasn't really my idea."

you frown at him. "what do you mean?"

"they thought it'd suit the comeback theme if i had short hair."

you take his face in your hands. "oh, gyu. i'm sorry. i wish you had a say in it."

he nods. he does wish he had a say in it, but as long as you find it hot, he's fine.

you run a hand through his hair, or what is left of it after the trim, your fingers scratching against his scalp much more clearly than they usually do. it feels good.

"i hate you," you say softly.

mingyu's suddenly worried. "what? why?"

"because i'm going to have to change my lockscreen again. do you have any idea how much time it took me to narrow down a perfect choice from all the 1,082 pictures i have of you?"

mingyu groans. "don't scare me like that, baby. also, you have that many pictures of me?"

"i'd have more if you didn't tour so much."

mingyu can't help the laugh he lets out. you really can cure his day with your words, no matter where you are. he pulls you down for a kiss. "let's have takeout and go home, okay?"

you grin brightly at him. "did you just call my place home?"

he supposes he did. but it's true, isn't it? "of course i did."

[nadziejastar]

Well, first of all I loved his outfit. It’s similar enough to what he wore in BBS to make it feel like Isa, but still felt fresh. It looked like something a fashionable young person would wear. It’s based on a Roen-Gackt collaboration design. Nomura sure loves Gackt, lol. So Isa was considered important enough to get a lot of care put into his new outfit. This collaboration was probably done a long time in advance, like with FFVersus XIII. I’m sure Isa’s backstory was supposed to be WAY more fleshed out so that his character would make a MUCH stronger impression on the player by the end of KH3. So, the outfit was kinda wasted in a way. Isa’s whole character was just wasted potential, though.

In a room made of white marble, a large mirror reflected Demyx as he prepared to leave for the mission. He took particular care with his hairstyle, painstakingly manipulating the brown strands with a comb to make them stand straight up. Saïx observed him from behind with what appeared to be distaste. In stark contrast to Demyx, Saïx left his long blue hair unstyled. The X-shaped scar on his forehead was all the style he needed.

Having an outfit based on a J-pop star might tell us something about how Nomura originally viewed Isa’s personality. He actually seemed like a rather fashionable young man who took pride in his appearance. He even wore stud earrings. His style was different from other kids like Hayner, Pence, or Lea. Saïx didn’t have any interest in his appearance. But Isa certainly seemed like the type to style his hair and then some. For some reason, I picture him ironically spending even MORE time in front of the mirror than Demyx. Especially post-KH3. Isa was already shy. I think he would probably struggle with insecurity over having a scar covering most of his face. So, he would try even harder to compensate with nice clothes and accessories.

The KH3 ending outfit really doesn’t fit someone like Saïx, who had such a harsh and dreary personality. I can’t see Saïx choosing to wear anything like that outfit. Way too youthful and trendy. And definitely not the star and moon accessory, either. He’d throw up at the cute little moon on Isa’s BBS outfit. Isa obviously was supposed to have such a different personality than Saïx. I bet Isa is going to be SUCH an awkward character going forward, because they’ll feel obligated to keep his Saïx personality traits, which will clash so badly with the rest of his character. He’ll be this pseudo-villain/quasi-good guy that just will feel so out of place in a series like this. It breaks my heart.

A great number of Nobodies have lost human form, as have the Heartless. Yet the Nobody born of someone with a strong heart retains its shape, with but the faintest visible changes.

As far as the rest of his design goes, I thought it was pretty lazy. In my opinion, Isa’s character design needed much more of an update than what he got. Kairi looked more different after her haircut than Isa did in the ending. If anyone deserved to look different for KH3, it was him. But…he still looked almost exactly like Saïx to me. He has a bit more color to his hair and face, and his scar is faded. But that’s about it. Which I guess was intentional. Why bother changing his look? It seems like they gave up on whatever plan they originally had for Isa to be his own character who was totally distinct from Saïx. They’re gonna just pretend that he wasn’t Norted and treat him like he was the same as Axel. Which sucks. 

Axel and Riku get along very well somehow. Since Riku has become a figure of Ansem, I don’t speak much with him, but he laughs like a different person when he eats Ice cream with Axel. Axel says he “Laughs to face bad feelings”, but it seems that Riku isn’t a bad person. At that Axel said ‘don’t laugh when you’ve got a gross face’, but Riku didn’t seem all that annoyed.

Also, Axel really liked sea-salt ice cream. You’ve eaten sea salt ice cream ever since you moved to that house. I wonder how you don’t break your stomach! It felt like he ate them to an unthinkable extent. Axel ate so much ice cream that the freezer in the computer room emptied every day.

Now as a villain, Saïx had a very cool design. He was handsome and had long hair, but...he looked mean and scary. He was supposed to. He WAS mean and scary. He was Xemnas’ right-hand man, after all. And if he was Norted, this makes sense. He was envisioned as a sociopathic guy who has bouts of uncontrollable bloodlust when exposed to moonlight. I like Saïx’s design. He was pale and almost vampire-looking? Or maybe Addam’s family. He was created as a bad guy. The whole idea was that he was a scary, unapproachable dude. He was sinister and creepy. Yet ironically his original self was the polar opposite. It made for a pretty cool twist, IMO.

“…Aw, is it good?” Axel teased. “Seriously, you’re like a little kid. Even though you look like a mean old man.” Riku made no response, keeping his gaze fixed on the computer screen. The comment did rub him the wrong way. But mentally, Axel was definitely older than him by at least a little. Not that you could tell from looking.

They were clearly going for a VERY different vibe with Isa. When I first played BBS, I thought that the visual difference between Isa and Saïx was extremely noticable. Isa looked a lot softer, sweeter and more friendly. The idea behind Saïx's design was: harsh and scary. The idea of a cute bunny rabbit representing his personality was supposed to be absurd. Saïx would be utterly disgusted if he was seen as “cute”. But the idea behind Isa's design was: cute and innocent. And Isa was indeed a little cutie. And he was innocent, too.

Saïx: We'll ensure he receives the maximum punishment.

Axel: Okay, since you worked really hard today, you get a reward. 

Saïx’s Casual Gear is called “Dessert Time,” but the localization named it “Just Desserts", and I thought that was very clever. To get one’s just desserts means to receive the appropriate punishment for one's actions. But sea-salt ice cream is supposed to be a treat to reward someone who did a good job.

Saïx gave him a cruel grin. “You will lose everything!” And then the Claymore pierced Axel’s chest.

Saïx rarely smiles because he is cold and cruel. But he would smile when he’s giving Axel his just desserts.

“But sweet!” Lea added, and Isa smiled a bit. That was rare for him. Well, eating ice cream together, talking about silly stuff, laughing together—it was just what friends did.

Isa rarely smiles because he’s shy. But he would smile when he’s eating ice cream with Lea because he has a sweet tooth and loves dessert. It was such a cool idea. I loved it.

dichotomy

1. a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.

2. the phase of the moon in which half its disk appears illuminated

Saïx’s Pandora Gear is called “Dichotomy” in the localization. Saïx had weapons called Lunatic, Berserker and Werewolf. The weapon representing his real personality is a bunny rabbit. The HUGE difference between Isa and Saïx was the whole point. My impression was that BBS wanted to emphasize as much as possible that Isa and Saïx were two very different people. And character design was one way they chose to do that. That dichotomy is what made Isa so interesting to me. If you want to make Isa his own character, you should go with a different character design, in my opinion.

“You’re in a pretty good mood,” Axel remarked. Riku glanced up.

“Seeing Sora just made you that happy, huh?”

“I don’t feel like telling you.” A little smile crossed Riku’s lips as he took another bite.

“Y’know, it’s creepy when you smile with that guy’s face,” Axel said dryly, following suit and nibbling on his own ice cream.

Silence fell over the room. He paused in his munching to stare hard at Riku, then finally asked, “What is Sora to you?”

The question caught Riku off guard. He groped for words. On the sofa opposite him, Naminé spoke up instead. “Sora and Riku are best friends.”

Like Terra, Isa was supposed to be cursed. Being Norted is no joke. That’s what a lot of the Beauty and the Beast parallels were about. Axel started teasing Riku for his ugly ass face the same time they were trying to figure out the organization’s next move. They were going to target those with strong hearts, and the Beast was one of those targets. 

Belle nodded and silently walked out of the room. The trio went after her. The Beast was left alone with no company but the moonlight.

“You’re really just going to give up on everything now?” Sora said all at once. But the Beast only stared up at the moon.

Isa was supposed to be just as cursed as Riku was in KH2. And Riku changing his appearance fit perfectly with Lea and Isa’s story. Axel said Riku was creepy when he smiled with that face, and unfortunately that’s kind of how “Isa” made me feel in the KH3 ending. Since they took away the possession angle, I didn’t really see him as Isa. He still felt like Saïx to me. And seeing Saïx play and smile like that was kinda unsettling. And weird.

Axel’s eyes crinkled as he remembered his own best friend—the only friend he’d ever had, in fact.

“If your best friend goes away, you’re sad, and if you get to be with them, you’re happy,” Naminé added. “Isn’t that how it is, Axel?”

“…That’s about the size of it.” Axel nodded and sat down on the remaining empty sofa, staring at the sea-salt ice cream he held.

“So you are capable of sincerity,” said Riku.

Axel only shrugged at the jab and finished his ice cream pop.

Probably for this very reason, I could tell that Nomura wanted to take a different direction with Isa’s character design after he decided to make him a good guy and Lea’s best friend. You can see what Nomura had in mind for an adult Isa based on his illustrations of Saïx for 358/2 Days and KH2FM+. He looks different than he did in his vanilla KH2 concept art. His features lean a lot more heavily toward Isa in BBS. I really wished KH3 went in this direction with his updated character design. He looks much more youthful here, like Axel does. Also, I loved the fact that his scar was gigantic. It went all the way from the top of his forehead to the bottom of his nose. In KH3, they stuck with the old Saïx design, so his scar was a lot smaller. I like the bigger scar because it really shows that he was treated like a human lab rat (of course that idea was scrapped, anyways). 

Beside the Beast, who had once been a handsome prince, stood a man in a black cloak. “It’s time you dealt with the girl. She’s scheming to take everything you have,” said Xaldin, his hood pulled low to hide his face. “Your castle, your treasures…and then your very life.” The Beast hung his head. His castle was a desolate place, ruled by a monster.

“Trust no one. Feed your anger. Only rage will keep you strong!”

“I’ve had enough of strength. There’s only one thing I want…” The Beast gazed, unmoving, at the glass bell jar around a single red rose.

What he wanted was—

“Hah,” Xaldin spat. “To love and be loved in return? Who could ever love a beast?” The Beast whirled again, his cape rippling. He glared and let out a roar of fury.

“Good. Let your anger rise!” With that, Xaldin vanished.

Axel didn’t really see his best friend when he looked at Saïx. He felt like Isa went away and Saïx took his place. His relationship with Saïx was based on his memories of the past. He self-medicated with ice cream to cope. It was heartbreaking. After the scene where Axel was sad about his best friend going away, the chapter about the Beast’s Castle begins, describing him as a formerly handsome prince. So on that basis, I wish there was more visual differentiation between Isa and Saïx. Most of the fandom is just going to see Isa as the same mean old Saïx since there was no attempt to differentiate Isa’s personality from Saïx’s personality and they look exactly the same, too. 

“I don’t trust you,” Saïx replied flatly, the enormous Claymore in his hand.

“Traitors like you deserve to lose everything,” Saïx said.

Saïx gave him a cruel grin. “You will lose everything!”

They originally wanted Isa to have a distinct personality and appearance from Saïx—a lot more than just a new outfit. Isa was supposed to be a beautiful love interest cursed into being a beast. In the novel you can tell that Xigbar and Xaldin were pressuring Saïx to eliminate Axel. He was reluctant to do so on his own. Xigbar doubted whether he was even looking for Axel. Just like with the Beast, they were manipulating him to think Axel had been plotting to take everything from him. Deep down Saïx probably felt similar to the Beast. Like nobody could ever love him in his condition. I think that’s why he was so furious. Axel grew a heart, and then left him. But the only reason Axel grew a heart was because he remembered his feelings for Isa. It was a really cool idea. It's just a shame it never came to fruition.

[locitarose]

One last one! Earth-12, which is another Criminal Minds inspired one and so shhh if you figure out what episode this is based on the little bit that I’ve started to mention here:

           Earth-12, Leonard decided, looked more than a bit strange. His eyes moved over the city skyline through the window on the bridge of the Waverider.

            The skyscrapers were twisted, not like a screw but like someone had made the buildings out of clay, put their hand on top of them then twisted them until the buildings looked like a swirl of soft serve ice cream.

            He glanced at Sara and raised an eyebrow in silent question. She glanced out the window of the bridge before looking at him and nodding in response. They didn’t say anything else as they left the bridge and headed towards Sara’s room. The moment the door closed behind them, they moved to the bed and sat next to each other, scooting back until they were leaning against the wall. Leonard’s lips twitched a bit when he saw that Sara’s feet were just barely at the edge of the bed while his dangled off. Rather than point it out, he slid his hand in to hers, tangling their fingers together the way they had back on Earth-11.

            “Do we stay here or do the usual?” she asked, shifting closer.

            Before he could answer, Gideon spoke up. “Excuse me, Miss Lance, Mr. Snart, but Mr. Rory and Dr. Palmer are requesting entrance. Shall I let them in or ask them to move along?”

            As if that would work. Leonard knew that if Mick wanted to talk to them, he’d just drop to the floor and sit out there until they came out. He was stubborn like that. And there was no doubt that Ray would just stay to keep him company. So there was no point in telling them to leave and he knew Sara realized that as easily as he had. He glanced at her and paused when he saw that she’d been watching him, head tilted. His eyebrows lifted slightly in question and she glanced down at their hands then back up at him and he understood.

            They’d been a bit more hands on (so to speak) with each other after they’d seen their Earth-11 counterparts but they hadn’t done anything as blatant as hold hands in front of the others and Sara was leaving it up to him on whether they’d let Mick and Ray in on that little fact. He couldn’t stop the rush of gratitude at being given the option and his lips twitched up in to a small smile before he leaned forward, kissing her on the forehead, something that was rapidly becoming a habit whenever they were alone.

            Rubbing his thumb over hers for a few moments, he took a deep breath and nodded. “Let them in, Gideon,” he said. Sara smiled and squeezed his hand lightly as the door opened.

            Mick noticed almost right away. He’d only taken a few steps in to the room before his eyes landed on their hands and his eyes lit up as he grinned, nodding at Leonard as if to say, about damn time. Rather than say anything to draw attention to them, he just pulled out Sara’s desk chair and spun it so that it was backwards before straddling it, facing them. Sara looked like she wanted to laugh as Ray checked to be sure there were no knives on the desk before he sat on it.

            “So,” he said, “Mick kept bugging me about what happened on Earth-6 and—“

            “You finally caved?” Leonard interrupted with a smirk.

            “He’s really persistent!”

            Sara laughed. “Relax, Ray. We’re not going to kill you for telling Mick.” She glanced at Mick and he shrugged.

            “I was curious,” he admitted. “Haircut said you guys were looking yourselves up on each Earth to keep from meeting your other selves and I was wondering if you’d seen any other versions of me or heard about them.”

            “Earth-3,” Sara said immediately. She glanced at Leonard and he nodded. “We were in high school—“

            “Whoa, at the same time?” Ray asked.

            Sara nodded. “We’ve noticed that ages can vary on the different Earths. And on that one, we were in high school while Leonard’s sister was younger. She mentioned Mick so we definitely knew you on that Earth.”

            “Earth-4.” Leonard didn’t elaborate because there was no way he was getting in to the fact he was the Flash on that Earth with Mick. His partner would die of laughter. “And Earth-5. We worked together on those Earths.” He smirked as he thought of Earth-5. “Sara here was a fellow Rogue on Earth-5.”

            Mick grinned. “Knew you had it in you, Blondie.”

            Sara laughed. “Damn right I do.” She paused. “Ray told you about Earth-6 so you know about that one.”

            “Nothing on Earth-7,” Leonard said. “And Earth-8...” He paused, letting the sentence trail off as he clenched his jaw and remembered hearing that Mick had shot Sara on that Earth.

            “You were dead,” Sara told him. Leonard squeezed her hand in thanks. It wasn’t technically a lie, he figured. The Leonard Snart of Earth-8 had looked like he was going to take down that version of Mick, no matter what he had to do.

            “Nothing on Earth-9. But we worked together again on Earth-10,” Leonard told him. As heroes, not that Leonard was going to tell Mick that. “And nothing on Earth-11 either.”

            “We hadn’t gotten around to asking Gideon about ourselves on this Earth yet,” Sara added.

            “Hey, other than Earth-6,” Ray grimaced at the thought of that Earth, “did you see me on any others?”

            “We worked together on Earth-8,” Sara told him. “And you were a metahuman on Earth-10. That’s been all so far.”

            Ray brightened. “Neat!”

            He probably wouldn’t think it was neat if they told him about the whole being sold thing, Leonard thought, considering it. Not to mention that with a name like Killer Frost, the guy was probably considered a villain or else seriously misunderstood. Leonard discarded the idea. It’d probably be like kicking a puppy and that was a line he wasn’t crossing.

            Mick studied the two of them. “I get bored exploring on my own every time. Thought you wouldn’t mind if I tagged along with you guys. At least, if my other self is there.” While Ray frowned at the words, Sara and Leonard grinned.

            “Figured it out, huh?” Sara asked.

            Mick grinned. “You’re not just avoiding yourselves, you’re spying on yourselves to see what you’re up to on each Earth.” His eyes ticked to their hands and they understood that he’d figured out exactly why they were doing that on each Earth.

            “Yeah,” Leonard agreed. “Every single time. Except Earth-6 for obvious reasons.” He looked over at Sara in silent question. They’d kept everything they’d seen a secret though he supposed they had already started breaking that rule when they’d brought in Raymond on Earth-6. Sara had clearly come to the same conclusion since she nodded. They could shake up their routine every now and then for Mick and Ray. So Leonard nodded at Mick. “Sure,” he said. Ray punched a fist in the air in victory. “Don’t do that.”

            Sara laughed when Ray shot Leonard an offended look. “Gideon,” she said. “Can you find Earth-12 Leonard Snart and see if any of us are connected to him in some way?”

            “Certainly, Ms. Lance,” Gideon agreed. The silence lasted for a few minutes as Gideon gathered information, something that Leonard and Sara had gotten used to with each Earth, until Gideon spoke again, relaying what she had found out. “Earth-12 Leonard Snart is a special agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Earth-12’s Mick Rory and Dr. Raymond Palmer are both a part of the same team of agents as he is.”

            “Ah hell,” Leonard and Mick groaned at the same time. Leonard looked pointedly at Sara as she pressed her lips together in an effort not to laugh while Ray beamed.

            “What about Sara, Gideon?” Ray asked. “She’s not on the team?”

            “No, Dr. Palmer. However, Earth-12’s Sara Lance and Leonard Snart have been married for nine years. They have a four year old daughter named Lisa.”

            Leonard sucked in a breath, his hand instinctively tightening around Sara’s. The only time they’d seen their other selves married had been on Earth-11 and now here they were. Married again but this time with a child. A daughter.

            Lisa.

            Lisa was his daughter on this Earth. Hell, she was his and Sara’s and that... He closed his eyes briefly as he remembered what Earth-11’s Sara had said.

            “And, someday, Leonard Snart, I want to have kids with you. Because you’re going to be such an amazing dad and I can’t wait to see it.”

            Sara squeezed his hand again and he opened his eyes and remembered what she had said to him when they were on their way back to the Waverider after getting out of their Earth-11 selves’ house.

            “If I were in that exact situation? I’d say all the same things.”

            As if she knew what he was thinking, Sara’s lips tilted up in to a small smile. He frowned when Gideon’s next words caused it to disappear.

            “Recently, Agent Snart was admitted to the hospital. According to the report he was taken there after Lewis Snart had dropped him off in the morgue using Agent Rory’s badge. Agent Snart had multiple stab wounds and almost didn’t make it. Not long after he pulled through, Sara and Lisa Snart disappeared.”

            “Oh,” Sara breathed, a look of understanding on her face. She glanced up at Leonard. “You put us in hiding.”

            “That’d be my guess,” Leonard agreed, thinking of what he’d do in that situation. “He managed to get the drop on me and put me in the hospital. He used Mick’s badge and that had to be deliberate. I don’t doubt that he’d have no problem threatening my wife and daughter. And since Gideon can’t find anything other than the fact that you guys have disappeared, that means there’s nothing in any of the computers and that means I kept it incredibly secret.”

            “Not even the team, you think?” Ray asked. It was Mick that shook his head.

            “If the team knows anything, it’ll be who his contact is. But they won’t know the exact location. Maybe one other person will know and that’s just as a backup,” he said. “Boss wouldn’t take a chance with their lives.”

[azukibeanghost]

The effect of John's blog on EMP

This is all pretty interesting because I believe in EMP, but I also really like the idea that series 4 follows the style of John's blog. I guess that sort of makes sense; the end of HLV had a touch of that, but was still an immediate continuation of the real narrative, so Sherlock was able to imagine it realistically. Then he passed over to the next dream level for TAB (he probably has John's blog entries catalogued in his Mind Palace, which is how he could remember A Strange Meeting through John's eyes, and which later contributed to the fuckiness of series 4); the Victorian setting worked well as a metaphor for his suppressed feelings, but also aided in distinguishing dreams from reality, although we saw in the graveyard scene that you can't trust all "modern" scenes to be real.

BUT - here's the weird part: we thought that Sherlock woke up for real at the end of TAB, right? Well, there are two reasons why this might not be the case:

According to EMP, none of the tarmac was real, so unless he wakes up in the hospital bed, that isn't very convincing.

We get the very last scene with Holmes and Watson in front of the fire AFTER the tarmac. This shows that he is still in his Mind Palace, and also that (as the camera pulls back) this dream can bleed into the "real" world setting.

Does Sherlock know that he's not awake yet? Maybe he's been submerged too long to remember that he's dreaming (and he's probably being given drugs in the hospital, inspiring the tarmac-level overdose, and the Victorian-level cocaine use. This is why he's acting so manic and citing a "natural high" at the start of TST; in his mind, he hasn't taken any drugs lately, but the reality is that his body is still hooked up to the morphine, along with anything that Mary might have given him), or maybe the weird haircuts for John and Mary are a way for him to keep track of reality. Either way, he's slipping.

Upon "waking up" for TST, he begins solving cases very very rapidly, completely throwing himself into the Work. Maybe this has to do with feeling unable to confront his feelings for John directly... OR it's because he feels like John only wants him for the exciting cases, and he's worried about letting John slip away. Just think – he'd come back from the dead, used cases to distract from the impending wedding but then watched the wedding go through anyway, and then John disappeared for a whole month and he relapsed on drugs. He managed to rope John back in for the Magnussen case, but that went spectacularly wrong. John forgave Mary. (But only in Sherlock's head; in real life, he still doesn't know who shot Sherlock.) So now, Sherlock is trying to be exactly what he thinks John wants him to be. That's why there's such a huge fixation on the blog. We get Sherlock analyzing the blog content, trying to see things through John's eyes. He's looking for the elements of the cases that John likes, but inevitably begins to pick up on the negatives, which is why we get Sherlock The Semi-Sociopath again (not paying attention to John, always on his phone – versus series 3 Sherlock, which was from his own POV) and John's feelings that he's nothing more than a sidekick.

Sherlock is using the blog entries that he's catalogued as a template for TST, but also trying to resolve the Mary storyline that he set up in HLV. (Remember, we still don't know the truth about Mary; these are all predictions by Sherlock.) He gets the A.G.R.A storyline from H.O.U.N.D. and from his own torture experiences (which is why Ajay is a Sherlock mirror), and the Thatcher busts from The Six Thatchers blog entry, and never quite figures out if Mary is a villain (she shot Sherlock) or a hero (John loves her). So he writes her more action scenes (remember what he imagined her telling John in TAB: "it's not your going that bothers me, it's your leaving me behind!" based on how she rushed after them at the wedding reception, and how she insisted on coming along for the Happily Ever After case on John's blog), and gives her a heroic death, trying to figure out how John would react once she's out of the picture.

He imagines that John would not react well at all. He is probably thinking about how greatly he underestimated John's grief at this own fake death, and mentally combines that with all the times John has ever been angry at him and blamed him for things (especially the Fall). So Sherlock imagines that not only is John taking Mary's death very hard, but he is blaming Sherlock for it. Sherlock tries to figure this out by imagining John's therapy sessions, although he changes the therapist because it would take to much effort to also imagine Ella, who he doesn't know too well (and he had tried imagining her in TST). Remember, Ella was the one who made John set up his blog in the first place. Maybe Sherlock consulted her to get a better idea of how to structure the narrative.

Meanwhile, someone must have just given him another dose in real life, because in TLD, he's absolutely losing it. He points out his ability to predict people's behavior up to two weeks in advance; this is proof of the possibility of EMP, since he could easily imagine those situations in his head. (But this also shows that Sherlock thinks he always gets these predictions right... but we know that some of these characters seem to be acting a little off, so we know that he hasn't gotten it completely accurate.) He pictures Bill Wiggins keeping him company... is this how he acted when he only had Billy the skull? We clearly see that Faith was inspired by John, specifically by their first meeting in ASIP. In the hospital, a number of people bring up John’s blog, stating that it’s gone a bit downhill (rather like this show has, now that Sherlock’s spiraling into blog-style characterizations instead of realistic depictions), and he gives a speech to the kids about how logic and reasoning is the most important aspect of crime-solving, not John, because he thinks that’s how John sees him.

He imagines a plot line with a memory drug, because he's starting to forget what the purpose of this whole exercise was, or whether or not he's still dreaming... and a killer... there was murder somewhere, wasn't there? And a hospital? He remembers a hospital, and a sinister blonde person threatening to kill him if he spills the secret of their murderous tendencies... but he's got it wrong, all wrong, and Mary has told him to do something, and John is in the dark, and he's really dying this time. (Is someone trying to smother him in real life?)

But then – John saves him. Because of course he does. John, who saved his life in ASIP and who has always followed and protected him. "There's always two of us." But he remembers how much Mary's death must be affecting John, and he imagines that John would still be angry with him. He saw John speak to him at his gravestone, and so he personifies Mary, to try to guess how John would act with her shadow still over him. (Also, a part of him remembers that John is still in danger from Mary, hence the sinister ambiguity of her first scene in TLD.) Rosie is off somewhere – who knows, who cares. Sherlock remembers the wedding, which was supposed to be perfect but which featured an attempted murder anyway.

Perhaps the TLD hug reminds him of the Stag Night, when he thought they were headed for something big but weren't quite able to reach it. That was the Mayfly Man case... he thought is was unrelated, but it turned out to be tied to John and his wedding, and his previous romantic interest... and so we get Eurus, the unexpected danger. Because Sherlock can't actually imagine anything past that hug; he's still unsure of how John would react.

TFP could be a number of things:

Sherlock's imagining of what John's Mind Palace would look like after he gets shot (because they can't have a happy ending; John is in danger and Sherlock has been stupid and now he might lose John forever).

Sherlock has fallen down another dream layer, like the waterfall scene in TAB.

Sherlock is on so many drugs and/or he's been in the Mind Palace so long that everything is getting reeeeeeally weird.

Someone has the TV on and is watching horror movies and Bond, and/or Sherlock has taken the blog influence too seriously, and now things really are written in the style of John's blog: romantic and clipped and half unbelievable.

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TL;DR: Assuming that S4 is all EMP, Sherlock is using John's blog as reference when creating the narratives for the three episodes. We saw him read the entry about their first meeting in TAB; this shows that Sherlock likely has some (if not all) of John's blog entries stored in his Mind Palace, and he is now drawing from them.