#i shld rlly do the new ones sometime oh dear i have a lot to catch up on
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ALHPY IS SO CUTE 🥺
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#saw smth on twt of him in yk one of the trust dungeons#i shld rlly do the new ones sometime oh dear i have a lot to catch up on#I'M RLLY EXCITED THO! i want to do a lot. so i will fix my schedule. simple.#i'll sleep soon n just be productive tmrrw i need sleep but#alphi's always there to /comfort you n he's the cutest. mwah#i want to catch up yes.#n then gbf i rlly wna do better next gw ! >:3 i rlly want lich tho oh my god#w school i haven't been procrastinating anymore. at least not last minute#i won't write about it anymore but i think i'm. clear about it now in my head#n so i'll learn to live with this. n i'll just be myself.#i'm really not so nervous anymore. i think reflecting abt my place in life n this world n having my family n#the dear friends i still have that. after thinking of what each of them mean to me.#i've come to terms with letting some go. things aren't the same n that's normal n i'll learn to live with it.#just. drifting apart normally#n then there's others i want to get to know better n be even closer w when my social energy is better c:#yeah it's a lonely feeling but i'm good at managing things like that#the only way is forward. n#ah i'm not gna ramble abt it anymore#i'll focus on my studies first n then i'll find my way certainly bit by bit. at my own place. just by being myself. n that'll be enough#i'm gna sleep soon today was well i rlly love spending time w my family :( they're not perfect either ofc but. i've always had them.#but i wish that. from time to time when they talk abt the future n#i'm abt to cry even just thinking of it haha it probably won't be anytime near but the idea of death. mortality. is just#thanks to fiction n music n stories i'm familiar w it but. experiencing it. is smth i haven't actually. yeah yet#though i know of loss. in a way that. we can't have the past ever again. or old friendships n#the fleetingness of time rlly. just. sigh. it suffocates me everyday i think#which is one reason why i try so hard to do my best for the sake of the present n the future n remember the past so keenly#maybe a bit too much that i'm more tied down to it instead. but.. i have to do what i can. i can't hesitate anymore.#so i'll stop writing n get to sleep. as always i'll just. do more tomorrow. n i'll rest now so i can actually do more tmrrw.
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#🌙.rambles#just rather. i'm not sure i'm thinking rn n i think i'm proud of myself in this moment#like oh yeah i'm still struggling n i shld continue working on my assignments but#thinking of it n i've improved a lot#sometimes i certainly do feel like a ghost or a hollow husk of who i used to be but#there's also so much more than that#maybe i've been feeling much more down than earlier this year and more often i do find myself faltering#but.. despite all this pain i'm still here aren't i?#i'm still here trying my best to do what i can despite how my regrets and shortcomings weigh me#but i'll. overcome them. eventually let go of even more pain n i'll move forward even more#i'm not rlly sure what i'm writing but thinking of like maybe how lonely a year ago was when i was so afraid to open up!#i remember thinking when i wld get the opportunity i wouldn't be afraid to take it for myself bcs i deserve that#n look. i did get it a few months after; earlier this year#n then since then i've also strengthened my bonds w old friends. n made new ones that i'll remember and take with me for life#memories moments experiences emotions thoughts that i never thought i'd experience or have but look at me now#i haven't been in the best state definitely for the past few months or so but i'm still here#being alive n here is a testament that. my efforts weren't for nothing#honestly don't we all carry so much we all deserve to be kinder to ourselves#every single step n each improvement n each desire to do better i think is enough to be proud of.#i'm rambling oh dear this happens when i'm overwhelmed n emotional but YEAH#there's so much. unsaid n hidden pain n sorrow in this world n i'd really just love to do what i can to heal even just a part of it#take it upon myself bcs i know i can handle it. even if i won't be remembered it's enough for me to. do that for others#thinking of my interests as well as my goals for the future (such as career) n idk stories n in general n. myself really#i'll embrace it it's me after all n ngl as a whole i rlly do love myself. hfjsdlkf sm to write abt that.. i'm v proud of how far i've gone#like before when i rlly was so. even more lonely. n then. accepting help was even harder then.#i still have my fears but i'm better at overcoming them n yh life is like that n i'm growing after all but it's not like it's wrong to be#proud n happy abt that!!!! idk i think i had experiences w friendships that made me feel like having or reaching out to what i want#is 'selfish' :// nyways i'll be productive now i want to say rq. sob i'm sorry my social energy is so dead. but.. thank you for staying
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