#i shouldve guessed youd go for intubation...

[pigeonwhumps]

🫁 for Phoenix. (Laughs evilly)

"I need to do a cricothyroidotomy," says Aaron, adjusting the IV line. "Eyes on my face, Phoenix, I need to start. Eyes on me, yeah?"

Phoenix looks up into Aaron's face and blinks. His eyes are very brown, eyebrows furrowed. All wavering. They can't breathe, god, they can't breathe, they try automatically and all they can do is choke on blood, oh god, they've already died multiple times they don't want to die again, but they can't–

"Eyes on me. Injection's done, I'm starting to cut, eyes on me, you'll be fine. Squeeze this, stay still, eyes on me."

Phoenix's hand feels blindly until they find... something, squeezing and squeezing and squeezing, trying to ignore the 'not breathing' part of things. But they can't breathe, they can't breathe, there's blood everywhere, it smells metallic and they're choking on it, all they get is blood, they can't breathe oh god they're dying, they're going to die again, it's over and over and it won't stop because they can't get the blood out, they can't–

"Phoenix! I need you to stay calm. I'm here for you, we're going to get you breathing, but you need to calm down. Squeeze the ball, concentrate on me, look at me, Phoenix. You'll be okay. Stay still, try and calm down, I know it's hard but you're going to be okay."

Phoenix tries. They look up at Aaron and just about see him, vision blurred and greying, squeezing less than before. They try to concentrate on staying still, not the blood, not their mouth that hurts so much, it's agonising, not– not–

There's a strange feeling in their windpipe, like something's being pushed inside. It feels weird and wrong and they don't like it.

They can't move. They can't take it out. Their windpipe doesn't hurt so much but everything else does and they can't even move. It's easier to breathe now but god, it hurts. They gasp, trying to gulp in air, that doesn't work, and then it feels weird and tastes kind of metallic but there's air, there's air, oh god there's air. It's much further down than they're used to but they can breathe again, they can do it, there's air and everything's not quite so fuzzy anymore.

Hurts, though. It's okay, they've had worse.

"You've got it Phoenix. You're doing it, you're okay, keep your eyes on me and keep breathing. It's just me here, you're doing well. Focus on me."

Phoenix tries to obey, gripping the sides of the bed for balance, the cold grounding them.

"That's good. You're doing well. The next thing we need to do is splint your broken bones, before they heal wrong and we have to rebreak them. I'll give you morphine through your IV, and another injection of lidocaine, that should help with the pain. I need to wire your jaw, it'll be scary but given your healing factor it shouldn't be for long. Okay? You're getting there, Phoenix, you're doing really well. Focus on me, try to stay calm."

Phoenix tries, they really do. They can breathe now, that's good, it's not breathing through their mouth but it's still air. But as Aaron turns to fetch the wire, Phoenix panics. The only reason they don't thrash is that some part of their brain knows that it would be a bad idea to knock the IV out. Aaron won't be pleased with them and he might punish them, or stop giving them painkillers.

Why is he giving them painkillers again? They don't need them. They don't need them to be gentle, it's weird.

"Try to calm down. It's okay, Phoenix, you're going to be okay. You don't need to look so disbelieving at the painkillers, y'know? Squeeze this as hard as you can. It won't be wired for long. You'll have to eat liquid food, but it's okay, I promise. Let's get this done before you heal wrong."

And Phoenix... they shut down. There's wire and what looks like pliers and Aaron's going to feed them and give them painkillers, and they can't cope. They're terrified and they don't understand, and they just... shut down completely.

The world is fuzzy, their heart pounding, everything seems far away. It's all... wrong.

They'll understand at some point, maybe. But not now. Not when they're not even here.

They don't know where they are. But it's not here.

Taglist: @extrabitterbrain @wolfeyedwitch @whumpinggrounds @painful-pooch