#i sound like that mike yagoobian fool but

[blacklinguist]

I love being an English major. I just hate 98% of other English majors because their opinions are wrong. I know people say you can't have opinions that are wrong, but that's wrong too. I keep taking the diversity classes like Afrofuturism, Asian American Lit, and a class about a very specific subsection of spanish people and I was one of, at the luckiest, 13 people. At the unluckiest, 5. And these were like 30-50 people class sizes. Being an English major has made me increasingly violent (1/?)

As the years pass. Which is really funny because I'm a pacifist and I don't believe in violence. But some white kid will open their mouth and say some fuckshit in the middle of class and I'm like "ok, I know murder is wrong, but could I argue this in court as self defense of my mental health, and a justice for the people because this man will no longer be able to speak his wrong opinions." We had to talk about racism and every kid of color was like "yeah, we been knew" and the white kids (2/?)

Were like shook and shit. And I was just completely appalled at the lack of social awareness. My friend and I are black and we're sitting in the back and riffing off of each other about various horrible experiences we've had with racism. And this white girl in front of us goes 'I'm so sorry' and we were polite cause you can't be the angry black women in public but afterwards we were howling. Like how are you gonna apologize for shit that happened years ago and still keeps happening, yet (3/?)

You do nothing to enact social change? That class was what made me go "omigod I hate white people in a serious manner." Our teacher was a latino gay man and we were reading books centered around immigrant narratives and violence and class discussions had me going "I would now like to proceed to shatter my eardrums so that I do not have to witness it." It really was an experience. I learned a lot about other people, and a lot about myself and my low bullshit tolerance. (4/4) sorry for the rant

this is a very real set of experiences here, anon!

truly, whichever field you find yourself in, there will always be (white) folk who are willfully (and HARMFULLY) ignorant of the current social dynamics they fit into. this also goes for a lot of nonblack people too. 

it gets so old to see the shocked expressions and hear the hurried and empty apologies. knowing that every january they’ll all post the same two quotes from mlk on their ig and talk about ‘being better’, but when they come back from summer break, it’s all “omg i’m darker than YOU now!” the suspicion you feel when someone ‘champions’ black people in nearly every breath, and only wants to study black folk and what we do. when you realize they’re stealing the light from black folk already in those fields and feel the need to control the narrative.

the role of the black scholar is dual (as dubois discusses with the idea of double consciousness, i’m sure you know!). 

the black scholar is burdened with lifting up their own community (whatever this means), but also operating under the intense microscope of Others. caught between going at this alone (learning + sharing knowledge), or having to reach out to those who would relish the opportunity to study a real live black person / cultural phenomenon / piece of literature ...

that barrier does not go away in many cases. your tolerance SHOULD be low for that kind of foolishness.

but also surround yourself with those who WILL listen to you, rather than running their own mouths. those who WILL extend grace, and those who have excesses of patience and desire to change. you’re definitely facing a lot of the worst parts of what you do now, as you sit around with other (severe) non-professionals who are encountering your LIFE experiences for the first time. but there are those who DO recognize these wrongs, and who are playing an active role in rectifying them, I promise!!