#i specified that i'm not interested in anyone that's 30+ and yet i still have some dudes in their 40s and up liking my profile 😐

[viulus]

Y'all I'm finally using a dating app, so that I can FINALLY fuck someone for the first time... Help 😵

[sunrisetune]

SUP GOOSE SUP I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU (ao3 wrapped) :3 :3 :3

(3) What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

(18) The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

(30) Biggest surprise while writing this year?

(Referencing this ask meme)

HELLO HEYYY thank you!

This is something of a reduced exercise bc I've posted five (5) short fics this entire year,, (at time of drafting this),, but nonetheless! x)

3 -- I like how "The Zee And The Lonely Sky' turned out. At first it was a collection of journal entries (guess what else was happening this year that helped inspire that p: ), but then I felt like it'd drag a bit and that,, like,, fleshing out my in-universe idea of how my two characters knew each other would be worthwhile. And it was fun \o/  Fallen London game... good.

~

18 - This is a much longer answer bc I'm going to take the liberty of rambling about a character in a fic whomst I haven't actually posted yet: Justice  x) For my WriMo this year I finally started a DA fic that I've been vividly daydreaming about for like a month but never actually writing, as you do (/jk). It's a post-DA2 into DAI redemption arc for our favourite SJ spirit W; or recovery arc, maybe. This is the summary I made for it in November:

Through an act of violence Anders and Justice were, finally, separated, though at cost to them both. Afterwards, Justice found their way back into the mortal world almost entirely by accident. But only almost. Possessing the still-living body of an elf woman whose mind is somehow missing, once again unable to leave the flesh and unrecognizable to anyone who'd known them before, the spirit makes a pilgrimage of sorts to Skyhold. Apparently there had been an attempt at peace that had gone horribly wrong, and the rising powers tipping the balance in the Mage-Templar War had congregated at the top of the mountain. Justice would join them. When Justice gets to the castle, she finds Hawke, because of course she does.

The idea of a personification of justice as an elf woman in the uhhhh wretched hive that is the rest of DA lore was interesting to me; and also specifically a retroactive / parasocial spite response to trivia I read, that before DA2 was made the writers were considering having Justice merge with Velanna but David Gaider thought that would've made her ""more annoying than she already was"". Fuck off, David I feel like there's a decent amount of fic where Friendship Route Anders and Justice are separated and Anders is for the most part written as being better off, while Justice is able to go back to the Fade, and then just??? Fucks off, I guess?? And is never really mentioned again, which I was not entirely persuaded by. So I decided to try and write something that follows Justice through being separated from Anders and surviving it and then having to, you know,, Deal With All That, especially while the war is going on, bc, like,, I’ve always read Justice’s and Anders’ actions in DA2 as both of them being scared. Justice is more afraid of becoming a demon than anything else, even non-existence,, and it happened; it very nearly cost him and Anders their life even before Anders literally asked Hawke to murder them after committing the worst act they’d ever do.

And while I am uhhh not entirely disposed towards a lot of what happened in Inquisition, I really liked Cole’s storyline of reverting from being a demon, and then having a choice on what he wanted to become; I thought that it’d be interesting to follow Justice down a similar arc.

~

30 - Does "shipping characters I didn't necessarily think about at first" count as s surprise bc if so, Awakening-Anders/Justice, which is at least partially your fault SYRUP :p I specify Awakening bc, not to get kind of maudlin in the middle of a cheerful ask answer about shipping, but unfortunately, Dragon Age (that's it that's the joke)

[omegas-spaghettios]

Ranking MCU Captain America figures

Before I begin, I want to clarify this is about my enjoyment of these characters and NOT who i think are the best morality or power wise. I specify because I think my first two entries will upset some people and I want to say, this list is NOT in order of how much I agree with these characters' values. I have a heavy favoritism towards theme and character interaction and that is where a lot of my enjoyment from media comes from. So, let's begin.

6. Captain America: CW, IW, and Endgame

I'm separating Steve into two because around CW he starts making decisions that really frustrate me.

Now I do think there is a lot to like still! His conviction to his morals during the Accords and continuing arc about government distrust is great, his stand against Thanos in IW is amazing, he is a lot of fun to watch during the New York part of the time heist, and lifting Mjolnir was legit my best theater moment ever and i will NEVER forget it.

However, in CW he starts making some awful decisions. In CW, he kisses Sharon like, days after Peggy's funeral. While on it's own it's already kinda creepy, Endgame retroactively makes this even worse. It goes on to also have grave consequence because he and Sam asked Sharon to break the law for them and never followed through to help her, which was pretty awful of them. At least Sam tries to make it right in TFATWS, but since Steve left that wrong on Sharon never gets reconciled from him.

I also think that his decision to keep Bucky and Howard's history a secret from Tony was really, really stupid. While I side with him during the fight, the fact that Steve "doesn't like when his teammates withhold information" Rogers didn't tell Tony this then walked into a Winter Soldier facility with Bucky and Tony during the most strained time of their relationship was just begging for that conflict.

He is barely in IW and while his stand against Thanos is a great moment, his decision to not let Vision kill himself is very frustrating. "We don't trade lives" then he goes to Wakanda to let thousands of soldiers die while they try and get the stone out, really dude?

I don't think going back in time in Endgame was inherently a bad ending but things he does to make it happen really frustrates me. He shows no signs of mourning Bucky or Sam at all. And then for the sake of surprise for the audience, he never tells Sam what he's doing and that is so awful. Sam dedicates 4 years of his life helping Steve with a good portion of it being on the run. Sam was with Steve more during the present than ANYONE else. Then Steve just leaves without telling him and shows back up to drop a ton of responsibility on Sam that he didn't ask for. Now Sam is an amazing Cap but it's frustrating to see that a lot of TFATWS is fallout of Steve's bad decisions in these three movies.

5. Captain America: John Walker

Now hold on, I hate this man. I think he does some awful things, so why is he above anyone else? Just because he isn't frustrating to me, he fits thematically and has good interactions with others in TFATWS.

His character really adds to the themes and discussions of white privilege, Supremacy, as well as how the US military treats their soldiers like shit, and I think he is an interesting character to watch as he starts out edging the line of evil and by the end of episode 4 crosses it. While I think Bucky was overall a bit too chummy with him in 6, I think it was all mostly in character for them. Sam and Bucky were up against 6 super soldiers and Batroc in a highly crowded city with lots of important people, it makes sense to me that they take his help in this scenario. They also never leave him alone which indicates distrust.

I also really like the moment where he drops the shield to help the truck. He is a shitty person but he is shown as a person who at least wants to do good, even though any challenge to that he goes off the rails. It is such a black and white scenario, help the truck of innocents, and I like that he does it. It also adds to the hatred of him as a person because it shows he clearly knows better but chooses to ignore it, which makes him even more despicable.

I think it is very important that a man like him bore the title of Captain America because it reminds us all that yes, it is very easy that a man like him represents America as it is and that we need to do better than him.

I like watching him and that's why he's above CW on Steve because he isn't making aggravatingly out of character decisions all of the time and he works very well within the themes of the show.

With me loving him in the context of TFATWS, in later appearances he does have a lot of potential to drop to last pretty easily, but as of now when he just is in that show, I appreciate his character a lot.

4. Red Guardian

I kinda like this character and idk how to feel about it

He doesn't fit Black Widow very much so he is kinda low but I mean, he's just kinda fun. His story about Captain America and the USSR is pretty non-related to the others and rather undeveloped which is frustrating, and he does very little plot significant things. He leads Nat and Yelena to Melina and that's about it. He distracts Taskmaster for a while but he kinda is just getting tossed around until Melina shows up. He isn't very important.

But I do like what I see and do hope we see more of him. They never pretend he's a great person and I do appreciate that he gets called on it constantly. His knuckles having Karl Marx on them kills me and overall he's pretty humorous and fun to watch. He also has a few great moments thematically that I love. When he comforts Yelena after the dinner scene and sings her favorite song as a kid? So heartwarming. When he took Taskmaster's shield when fleeing the Red Room I laughed at his ridiculousness but it lead to a pretty great moment, when he throws the shield through the windshield without hesitation to save Melina. It's a great moment to show how he's letting go of his past and obsessions to be there for his family.

I hope we see more of him, his overall lack of importance and stereotypical behavior kinda holds him back but I see so much potential in him.

3. Agent Carter

As of today she has been in exactly one 30 minute episode, but what I see I really like. Her laughter of surprise when she takes the tesseract is really endearing, her sword and muscles and height make my wlw heart patter, and I do like the difference in her relationship with Steve in this universe, where they both are of incredible capabilities but neither are given any respect for how they were born. We get that in TFA too but I really like that it is a constant theme in this iteration while in TFA it gets dropped a bit after Steve receives the serum.

There is very little of her so I can't really put her higher yet, but given more time she very well may rise up on this list but she had an excellent first showing.

2. Pre-CW Captain America: Steve Rogers

This man is a joy.

He is such an endearing scrappy little guy in the beginning of TFA and I love his commitment to doing the right thing. He still very much acts like a guy who just gained 120 pounds of muscle during that movie and it's endearing. The way he grows into his own skin in TWS is amazing as we see him really step in to what he can accomplish physically as well as his authority and leadership.

His Whedonisms in the first two Avengers films kinda bug me, they treat him like an old man when he isn't. Biologically he's like, early 30's at most here. He grew up as a fighter in Brooklyn then served in the military, he wouldn't care if his teammates swear, but overall it's tolerable.

I LOVE this man's commitment to transparency. He struggles when allies are not transparent and he shows nothing but transparency and I love that that is a constant for him (which is why I separate him from CW on)

Everyone loves this guy and over 90% of criticisms I see for him come after AoU, and that's for good reason, this guy is so loveable.

1. Captain America: Sam Wilson

He's so good, guys

I want to talk about Sam before the suit because he is amazing before it. He runs counseling for veterans, a profession very becoming of a superhero and it speaks to his incredible empathy and compassion that is on full display. I also think the fact that he dedicated 2 years to finding Bucky is not appreciated enough. Sure he was following Steve but he still spent 2 years trying to find Bucky, a person who tried to murder him. Yet he understands it isn't Bucky's fault and tries to help him anyway. I also really like that he is the first to speak out against the Accords. He doesn't wait for Steve or anyone else, he sees red flags and he is out and I really, really love that about him.

Then I love how long it takes for him to choose to become Cap and how much he contemplates it. He has to contemplate the legacy of Steve, if he wants to wear the symbol of this country, the pressures of being a black man as Cap, the legacy that John added to it, the pressures from Bucky and the pressures from Isaiah, and also his own legacy he carved for himself as the Falcon. It's a huge decision with a lot of weight and so many people pressuring him but he takes his time and chooses what is right for him, and I really love that about him. These other characters are all Caps from near the start but he transitions into one after years of knowing him as the Falcon and I love that he doesn't take this decision lightly.

Also as Cap he's just really cool. His decisions to not take the serum as well as try like hell to get Karli to step down speak to his humility and compassion. And while many describe his speech as bland it's still uniquely him. Yes the speech doesn't solve any problems but that isn't what he's doing, he's asking America and the world to get to actually solving them and that is an aspect of him we don't see much since Steve's propaganda days, his direct relation to the public.

Also his suit and wings are just awesome, I argue his action is the most fun to watch out of any of these characters.

Anyway yeah that's the list, I know people won't agree with me so let's try and keep discussion civil, alright?

[stray-kids-react]

Polaroid

Han x Fem. Reader Soulmate au

Warnings - Swearing, mentions of sex, and Fluff that'll make you cry.

Masterlist

...

Y/n's pov, November 27 2020

My mother once told me that I will know when I'm in love, she never specified what hints will cross my path... She just said I'll know.

As a young adult now, sharing an apartment with my close friend Yeji. I'm starting to become impatient with this whole game of love, why can't I just get told who is my perfect match. I'm so tired of having my hopes risen up and then crashed down onto my heart... Breaking it each time.

"Any plans today?" Yeji asked from the kitchen, making me cringe at the word plans.

I just was still recovering from a terrible break up, where I caught the supposedly love of my life slurping the life out of his assistants pussy. I won't forget the feeling of my heart completely stopping for a few seconds, as my mind told me to run and not look back.

"Yes actually, I have a date with Netflix and the leftovers in the fridge." I replied, slyly smirking as she stared at me like a worried mother.

"Well Netflix isn't going to have to wait for his turn. Because I have this guy who is really interested you and is a total sweetheart." She sighed, showing me a photo of the guy she was trying to set me up with.

"Yeah... No." I replied, beginning to retreat back to my room.

"Y/n! JISUNG TOLD ME!" Yeji announced, catching my attention from the front of my bedroom door.

"I-it's still a no Yeji." I whimpered, shutting the door harshly behind me as she sighed in defeat.

Yeji's pov

She needs to get out of this place, it's been two weeks now. All over a guy she barely even knew, I know the true reason she is hiding and she will never admit it.

Y/n is scared to see his face again, our best friend Han Jisung. The best friend that she happened to fall in love with, and moved away from after she got accepted into the university of her dreams.

They were never just best friends in anyone's eyes, not even there own. Yet they both tried to fill in the whole in their heart with other people, never realizing that all they had to do was just say three difficult words.

Y/n was in a hurry to find her perfect partner after I found mine, the man next door with the matching tattoo on his wrist. Your tattoo shows up when you are over the age of 19 and are near your soulmate, it shows up on your wrist, neck, or shoulder blade.

She didn't want to see Jisung in case that tattoo never came, they both wouldn't be able to handle the realization. But it is a part of life, and I'm not going to let my best friends live alone when they could have a chance to be in love and happy.

Han wanted to see us both while he was visiting the city, even though he knew the risk of utter devastation. That fake profile was just a set up so that she would finally meet up with Han, and she probably already knew about my plans.

I walked up to her door cautiously, gently brushing my knuckles against her door.

"Y/n... I know why you are actually upset."

Y/n pov

"Because of Han Jisung." I answered, brushing past the old childhood photos saved on my phone.

"I know that's what you were going to say Yeji, and you're right. I know I won't be able to take it if the guy I love isn't the one for me, and that all of those nights alone with him that are coded into my brain are worthless. I'm scared Yeji, I'm scared that I won't be able to think of most of my life without tearing up." I explained, as she plopped down on my bed next to me.

"You're fear will just get worse until you find out, you'll never know the result until you actually try." She replied, placing my head on her shoulder for comfort.

I let out a shaky breath as a couple tears streamed down my cheeks, she was right as usual. But I still needed at least one day to prepare myself.

"Fine, but let me rest today. I'm not going to fancy restraint with puffy eyes and bed head." I remarked, watching as a sly smile spread across her lips.

She slowly began to exit my bedroom, delighted that she finally got her way with me. Not even explaining who that fake date even was, probably just a random guy from Google. It was 11:30 at night, and all of my crying really wore the energy out of my body and mind.

So eventually sleep crossed paths with my mind and hooked up, completely losing consciousness as my memories flashed like a polaroid camera.

December 15th 2018

"I can't believe we're graduating this year, seems like we only started high school yesterday." Jisung sighed, carrying both of our bags while walking home together.

"Don't worry quokka, you'll still carry my bags for me even after high school." I teased, pinching the reddened skin of his cheeks.

"Oh very funny, and you'll still put crackers in your mouth and pretend to be a walrus." He remarked dodging the snowball that came his way.

He set my bags down on my front yard as he gathered his own army of cold fluff balls. I tackled him to the ground as we both drowned the silence in laughter, I traced my frosted mittens across his face. Gently crossing his lips as he brushed the snow chunks from my hair.

The close warmth of his breath against my face sent my heart into a frenzy, I secretly craved the closeness of him... But I never wanted to admit it in case I'd lose him.

His now glossed lips looked so kiss able, the way they pouted as he focused on my hair. And how they stretched into a warm smile that left a fuzzy feeling in my heart for years, made it only harder to stop myself from interlocking them with mine.

"I better get going bun bun. I'll see you tomorrow at school though." Jisung reassured, lightly booping my nose as he left his trail from my snowy front yard. Waving one last time to catch my attention as I was at the front door.

"Farewell loser!" He shouted, showing off that bright smile of his.

"Farewell to you as well, asshole!" I retorted, giggling as I walked into my empty house all alone.

November 28th 2020

Y/n pov

"Wake up! Time for bubble tea!" Yeji screamed, jumping on top of me as she consistently hit me with my own pillows.

"I thought we were meeting Jisung later." I sighed, looking at the red numbers of my alarm clock reading 7:30am.

"Yes we are, but I want bubble tea and to talk with you about some stuff I found out." Yeji replied, pulling me out of bed to soon push me into the washroom.

I complied to her excited energy, understanding it is pretty exciting for her.

The steaming water swallowed every inch of my skin, blocking out all of the noises outside. Only leaving me and the blank wall to stare at, droplets of water racing against each other. A flash of the mirror and sunlight clashing, sending the flash of a polaroid to my memories.

August 16th 2018

Yeji squealed as her boyfriend threw her into the pool, soon joining her in a large cannonball jump. All of his friends danced around with liquor drenching their breath, as their bodies clashed together in ways they didn't fully understand.

It wasn't my style of fun, it instead gave me a wave of fear and stress. Not recognizing any of these people, while they danced around half naked. Yeji's boyfriend decided that she had enough fun for one night, and took her home to rest.

I hurriedly gathered my belongings and rushed out the door, just as excited and horny shouts came from the pool. I was okay to walk home alone, it felt nice to be surrounded my silence for once. Even if my conscious tortured me about every bad possibility.

"Need a drive home party animal?" a familiar voice called from across the road, that voice of the man who has always had my back.

"I'd actually really like that." I replied, feeling a wave of comfort when I entered the car.

"I can tell your a bit freaked out." He sighed, throwing his bad into the backseat.

"That party was just... A lot. A lot more than I expected." I whimpered, still a bit overwhelmed from the experience.

"How about you stay at my place for the night. We'll even watch some American horror story..." Jisung suggested, even though he was shit terrified of anything remotely scary.

"I'm holding you to it quokka." I giggled, slapping his thigh teasingly.

We drove to his home as the car filled with a random playlist of songs, one landing on my favorite 'Turning Page'.

"I didn't know you liked this song." I commented, blushing softly at the tone of the song.

"I want this to be the song that represents me and my soulmate. It sounds cheesy, but it's true." He revealed, glancing my way as the car stopped in the from of his home.

The whole topic of soulmates use to be humorous to me, remembering when me and Han drew matching docks on our palms as 'our' symbol. Even taking a polaroid photo of the amazing art we drew, I still have it in my phone case.

Then it hit me, how much it would hurt to see him destined with someone other then me. That moment when he glanced back into my eyes with a shy smile, is when I admitted to myself for falling madly in love with my best friend.

November 28th 2020

I walked along the streets of our home town, hanging my mask off my chin when sipping my bubble tea.

"You know what's crazy." Yeji started, catching my focus immediately.

"I remember the moment you started crushing on Jisung. You didn't even have to tell me, I already knew." She admitted, gazing at me with only a soft warmth in her eyes.

"It was obvious by how many photos you had of him and you on your wall, and the way you looked at him as if he were your dream person." She continued, texting something on her phone that I couldn't quite see.

"Or how when he caught you staring he'd reply with 'take a picture it'll last longer'... And you always did to get revenge. I will never forget the day I saw you two as more then best friends, that was the same day when I bought you that polaroid camera for Christmas. " She replied, taking a short break as her hands nervously fidgeted with her skirt.

"That's why I want a 'thank you' later on." She mumbled, before running off and leaving me completely stunned on the bench.

"Y/n..."

September 14th 2018

"It's crazy that this is your last day here." I sighed, trying my best not to cry.

He nodded trying to smile the pain away like me, but soon caving in once his arms met my body. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck, hoping I could capture his scent one last time.

"I'll still visit. I can't cope without seeing your face, asshole." He chuckled lightly, sniffling quietly when he retracted his arms away.

He stared at my features for a few long seconds, as if he was contemplating on doing something. Jisung shook his head, smiling brightly once more as he pulled me into one last hug.

As he put his palm on the door knob, I shouted his name one last time. Running across the room towards him, he turned around immediately dropping his bangs on the ground.

He instantly knew what I was going to do, since his lips molded with mine without one ounce of hesitation. His hands lost in my hair, pulling me closer and closer until there was no space between us. Jisung's lips were so much sweeter and softer then any other kiss I've had.

The sweetness was sprinkled with the salty taste of our mixed tears. Only creating more as the kiss began to end, both of us realizing we should've told each other so much sooner.

"I love you." We both sighed at the same time, smiling sadly at the bittersweet sting in our hearts.

November 28th 2020

"Jisung..." I gasped, turning around quickly to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

"W-wow... You've really. Wow." He stuttered, cautiously inching closer towards me.

"You too." I chuckled airily, swallowing back my tears. I missed him so much, but it hurt too much to see him at the same time.

"Y/n... I know it's been a while. But I honestly came here because I needed to see you. I still love you, and I don't care if we're soul mates or not. I'll sharpie our own symbol on us everyday if I have to." He revealed, grasping my hands between his own.

"I'm sorry that I was being so selfish." I sighed, caving into my own tears. Regretting my fears of seeing him again, feeling terrible for torturing him just as much as I tortured myself.

"We are both scared. It's not our fault, but I just want us to accept that things may not go our way. But that won't stop us from being together." He reassured, lightly brushing frosted his mitten across my features. Glossing over my lips gently, his eyes warm and gentle as they fluttered shut.

I molded into his kiss immediately, lacing my fingers through his silky hair. Soon pulling him closer to my so there was no space between us, making sure no one could try and ruin this moment for us.

His lips still were as sweet as the first time they molded into mine, and his fingertips could still make my legs give out by how gentle they were against my skin. Every emotion flashed through my mind, all my regrets, confidence, love, lust... It all flashed just like a...

"Polaroid." He gasped, tugging my palm next to his as the ink slowly traced the same picture into my palm. The picture of the camera that captured all the moments I treasured with my soulmate, the soulmate that was everything I could've asked for.

[one-abuse-survivor]

hi there! I have found out about this blog for 3-4 days and ever since i couldn’t stop thinking about it because it may be the best place for me to vent, sorry if i don’t specify the tw ahead, i don’t properly know how to classify which type of abusive parents i have so, it’s indeed a long ride and, before it gets too long, here i go:

lately, I have been feeling like I am nothing but a broken child although I'm almost 20 years old(and I feel like a 90 years old granny sometimes) because of how deprived I was to live and experience my teenage years to the fullest due to an overwhelmingly strict household that constantly prohibited me from doing things or told me all my life I wasn’t capable, won’t make it, I'm too weak and now that I'm an adult, I feel like I'm like a decade behind my peers since all I have is crappy mental health and addiction to social media. besides that, I feel extremely insecure about quite every single adult responsibility since I hardly can accomplish anything, and I'm permanently frightened that my parents were right, I am nothing but useless. seriously, I wish I was fearless and just went there and get things done but I'm stuffed with fear and self-consciousness since I don’t even remember if my family in general ever had a glimpse of faith in me. at 14, I thought it all would pass and I would figure out my life far away from them while enjoying my youth but now I still feel the same if not worse because the time is passing too fast and I threw my “golden years” away. no friends, no job, no nothing. anyways, thank you very much for making a room for people to vent and it saddens me to say that because I won’t wish it on my worst enemy but I hope someone can resonate with it so I can feel less lonely.

stay safe, thank you.

Hi! I'm glad you found this blog. Don't worry about being unable to specify the tw, it's completely optional ❤️

If you'd like a label for your abuse, I would say your parents constantly calling you useless and weak and telling you you'd never make it in life, as well as being controlling to the point you couldn't experience your teens like your peers, is emotional abuse. And I'm really sorry you had to go through this, nonnie :(

I can relate to this in a way, although I feel like I've luckily grown out of the feeling that I've "thrown away" my best years and now I'm finally able to feel like the best is yet to come. If it helps you at all to hear this, I'm 23, I moved in with my (non-abusive) dad this year, and I've never had a job either. It's pretty normal where I live if you're a uni student, but I still feel terrible about it from time to time.

Western societies tend to put youth on a pedestal, and this can be very damaging to everyone, but especially to people who spend their teens and/or early twenties struggling with undiagnosed disabilities, trauma, or mental illness, and also to marginalised youth. But even people who don't particularly struggle with any of these things often feel like they "threw away" their teenage years because they didn't look like "supposed to"—ie, they didn't look like they should according to mass media stories, where characters live their best adventures during those years, or find "true love" or success in those years, and then settle down in their early or mid-twenties and never have something exciting happen to them again.

I know at least one person my age who has expressed very similar feelings to yours. I've heard them say things like: "my life is over. I'm almost in my mid-twenties and all I've done is lose all my childhood friends and be mentally ill. There's nothing in life for me anymore." And I'm sure many, many people sadly feel this way too. So you're definitely not alone, sadly 😔

What I usually tell myself is that all those stories about characters having their golden years from ages 15-20 are just that—stories. Fiction. In real life, being a teenager sucks. High school is usually nothing more than a fever dream full of drama and stress that you forget a few months after you graduate and would never go back to. Your 20s are... weird, because it's the first time no one is telling you what path to follow and you suddenly find yourself racing against your peers to reach this imaginary goal called "success" that doesn't really mean anything. And even though I haven't reached those ages yet, I know for a fact life keeps bringing things your way in your 30s, 40s... All the way up to your 90s and 100s.

You can make incredibly close friends at 50 who are by your side for the rest of your life. You can fall in love at 30, at 60, at 80, or never in your life. You can find a new career path or hobby at 45 and change your life completely. Some queer people come out of the closet at 60. Some people in their 30s and 40s don't have a stable job and just work wherever they can. You can move to a new country and adopt your first pet at 65, and you can get married for the first time at 70. And, if you ask people of any of these ages what the best years of their lives were, I'm sure the vast majority of them would NOT say the 15-20 age range was their favourite. Because at 15-20 you barely have control over your life. You're still dependent on your parents for most of that time, almost always still studying, and still trying to figure out who you are and what you want in life.

I know it's really hard to believe, but it's normal to not keep your school friends in your 20s. It's normal to not have a job yet. I've met people in uni who had never kissed anyone and were fine with it. I'm 23 and I've never tried alcohol, and I'm fine with that, because it's just not something I'm interested in. My dad met his current wife when he was in his late 50s and this is the happiest relationship he's had in his life. Life doesn't end at 25. New things, good and bad and unexpected and life-changing, will come your way for as long as you're here, because we never stop growing, changing, learning, discovering ourselves, meeting people, and finding new things that bring us joy. We never stop having first times in life. Most importantly, there is no point in life where you can safely say "okay, the rest of my life is going to look exactly like it does right now."

There is no happily ever after in real life. There is no “if you haven't succeeded in life at this age, you never will”. You've got time. You've got your whole adult life ahead of you. And I may not know you, nonnie, but I have faith in you.

I hope some of this helps to hear, even if I'm sure you already know a lot of this rationally. And I really hope you can feel a little bit less lonely. I'm sending the biggest virtual hug your way ❤️