#i started this and tgp at the same time because i wasn’t sure which idea i wanted to write for more

[m1ckeyb3rry]

in another universe i finished this fic instead of glass princess:

[hawkland]

Destiel fic recs/what I’ve been reading (round #2)

I promised (eventually!) more fic recs and I figured I’d better do it soon before my list to talk about got TOO long. Also I’m just bubbling to praise up an amazing fic I read last night that literally has given me a fanfic hangover this morning and I need you all to suffer with me.

Starting with that fic in question:

Aria for an Angel (84k) by anyrei, mugglerock. I hurt all over from this one and I command you to do the same.

That said, DO NOT READ if you can’t stand the idea of Cas finding love/happiness with someone else (even if the fic is endgame Destiel). Also don’t read if you can’t stand your heart being shattered by pain before being carefully put back together again. Those warnings aside, this is one of the most stunning fics I’ve read yet in SPN fandom and I’m going to rec it at you no matter what. I’ve been feeling very pissy at Dean lately, as I’m on season 12 in my complete watch-thru, and with how much Cas has been suffering and getting beaten down for, like, SEASONS now. And it got me looking for fics where Cas gets some of the TLC/love/care that he needs from someone else, at least until Dean can get his shit together. Enter Mick Davies. Mick comes to Cas for help with a case that ends up involving a Grigori, and the two grow closer as Cas enjoys spending time with someone who genuinely expresses care and concern for him...but when Dean finds out will he have to choose between the Winchesters, his found family on Earth, and his new boyfriend? And when tragedy strikes, is it too late for a second chance at his first love again?

This story is funny, hot, heartbreakingly sad and just completely wrung me out emotionally. The characterizations totally worked for me, the growth they all went through was the kind of stuff I only wish the writers of the show could pull off. There’s just...there’s so much pain and love and some good stuff with poor Sam and Mary caught in the middle of this shitstorm and I wasn’t sure I could be brought back around to wanting Cas and Dean together in the end, but the authors pulled it off and everything about this story hurts, and heals, in the best possible way.

The rest of my recs in this round-up beneath the cut.

Seek to Know You Better (32k) by ahurston. Season 15 canon-divergence—so no Empty, no rusty nail, but things are relatively calm and settled in the hunter/Winchester world. As such Dean and Cas go on a road-trip together, investigate some minor cases, and gradually open up and really TALK via a “36 Questions That Lead to Love” article Cas finds on-line. One of those fics that just gives you a happy glow inside to read; it feels very believable and the characters have a maturity and adultness to them that just feels right. The little details of all the places they stop for food while talking are a delight, and it’s just the right amount of pining (for me) before they finally get things together.

Purgatory, director's cut (27k) by runsinthefamily. THIS IS THE ULTIMATE PURGATORY FIC (well, in my reading adventures so far.) Written (apparently?) before season 8 actually aired, it takes a very different - and weirdly creative and bizarre - look at what purgatory would be like. And if Cas stuck with Dean through it all.  It also posits that as a human Dean would be “allergic” to purgatory and need Cas’s grace to hold himself together...but the deeper they travel, trying to get out, the more precarious Cas’s hold on his vessel becomes. I love everything about this fic, the weird imagery, the way Dean just...rolls with everything happening to Cas and still loving him because it’s Cas, not his vessel, that’s important.

Grooming Instincts (26k) by jemariel. More wing!kink which...yeah. Gimme all the wing grooming/back massages and weird angel anatomy, please. Cas is grumpy while going through what he describes as “molting” only...it’s a bit more complicated than that. And Dean has no idea what he’s gotten himself into until Cas starts grooming him...and Kevin is able to translate/figure out what’s happened. Funny and hot and just...a yummy happy read with great bits from Sam, Kevin and Charlie for good measure.

Things that Leave Marks (23k) by thestoryinsideme. Canon-divergent from Season 9.  Wherein it takes Dean three years to find Cas after getting kicked out of the bunker. And when he does, it’s apparent he’s been through a lot, and he’s not exactly ready to or certain about going back to life with the Winchesters. This was sad and sweet and fluffy and angsty in all the right ways for a comfort fic read. (Also features Cas the budding artist! I love that idea!)

Wavelength-gasm (11k) by Mumble-Bee. The fuck or die trope gets a very fun twist when it involves needing to fuck an angel in his true form. Dean certainly learns this the hard way! This rec is for all the trueform!Cas-loving freaks like me out there...I’ve certainly never seen a smut fic embrace the weirdness of it all like this one.

Drive Faster Sammy (7k) by almaasi. Speaking of fuck-or-die fics, pray for Sam in this one. He has to listen to Dean helping when Cas gets struck by one (again) and they don’t have time to make it back to the bunker—so things get kind of graphic in the backseat of the Impala.

Love Burns Its Casualties (5k) by anactoria. Beautiful and bittersweet fic set during “The End”. Present-day Dean can’t sleep, and ends up invited by future!Cas to spend what he knows is likely his last night alive with him.  Features casual weed use (if that bothers you), some very hot shotgunning (if it doesn’t), and is just...a wonderfully written atmospheric story that I’ve already re-read several times. (It’s especially a good read when slightly stoned yourself. Um. Not that I’m necessarily advocating for that sort of thing, unless it’s legal in your neck of the woods. Um. Anyway...)

something quiet and minor and peaceful and slow (3.7k) by celeste9. Heaven fic, so don’t read if that’s not your thing. Also don’t read if you’re completely convinced John Winchester is an unredeemable homophobe and terrible parent all around. I, personally, liked this take a lot more as it shows a struggling but not horrible John confused about why this angel keeps popping over, asking Mary questions about what Dean will want in his little slice of Heaven. The title really describes the lovely mood of this little fic and I liked it a lot.

heaven, reconstructed (9k) by vaudelin. Another Heaven fic, more focused on Cas than Destiel (but that is endgame). Goes into what exactly Cas was doing, working with Jack to try to build a better Heaven while awaiting Dean’s eventual arrival. It’s a great fic for world-building (in more ways than one!) in the SPN universe and I like a story that explores Cas’s relationships with others beyond Dean and Sam. I’d add too that as a fan of The Good Place, I just in general enjoy stories that look at the complexity of what actually would constitute a “perfect” afterlife. So imagine Castiel as a TGP architect here if you will (I certainly did!)

The Passion of the Christ (and his angelic ex-boyfriend) (4.9k) by Bzzee. Another heaven!fic, but pure delightful crack. What happens when Dean and Cas run into one of Cas’s ex-boyfriends in Heaven’s roadhouse...who just happens to be Jesus Christ. Dean isn’t too happy with that knowledge (and neither is Judas). Just read it—heresy and all. For a crack fic it’s actually wonderfully smart and wicked.

Can't You Hear It Calling (4.7k) by imogenbynight. A “missing scene” from s8e32 (Sacrifice). Cas expects to never see Dean again once he (expects to, at least) close the gates of Heaven. As a parting gift, he takes Dean back in time to a Led Zeppelin concert...and then a motel room to spend a final night together. As a music lover, the description of the excitement of the concert (and the happy/sadness when the show is almost over) totally hit me in the feels...and it’s such angsty/beautiful smut when they get together.

You're Gonna Live Tomorrow (3k) by MajorEnglishEsquire, microcomets, orange_crushed. Cas doesn’t know a lot about being human (yet), but he does know one thing - he wants to marry Dean. Sweet, sweet happy fluff, just enjoy.

Who's Counting? (1.7k) by Annie D (scaramouche). Just some pure angel-powered delicious smut. Dean learns the hard way, over and over again, that angels have basically no refractory period.

[feckyeswriting]

Snippet - [Untitled TGP fic]

My plans for this fic/s are that they’re in the same universe of oneshots to explore different ideas that I have and end up focusing on the great, canon questions of redemption and all that. Also because I came up with this before seeing the S1 finale, I chewed over how best to deal with it until I decided that I’m going to slap a big-ass “AU” sticker on it and call it good as I figure out what’s canon in this fic or not. 

Also high-key gonna load in as much of my unrelenting Trevor-Eleanor snarking as I can #sorrynotsorry

Eleanor Shellstrop opened her eyes, blinking from the brightness of the room around her. Green letters stared back at her.

Welcome!

Everything is Okay!

The exclamation points seemed like they were trying too hard especially with how they were starting to peel away from the wall they were stuck to, but Eleanor shrugged rather than question the message. Everything did feel fine. She wasn’t hungover. No bills loomed over her head. Her skin was clear. A little oily, she noted as she idly brushed her hair back into place, but overall not too bad. She couldn’t complain.

The door to her left opened and a white-haired man stood in the entryway. He smiled at her and waved for her to stand. “Eleanor? I’m Michael. Come on in,” he greeted her cheerfully. A smile of her own slid onto her face from how comfortable this all felt, and Eleanor walked toward the office.

A second voice barked out from inside. “Yeah, blondie. We don’t have all day. Chop chop,” they said. “I want to get out of here before another century finishes up.”

(continued under the read-more for the sake of people’s dashboards)

Eleanor snorted when she spotted the other speaker. Compared with Michael’s bowtie and suit combination, the other man’s bleached jean jacket and pink shutter shades scorched even Eleanor’s lack luster fashion sense. He had his feet up on a fastidiously clean desk and was thumbing through a manilla file folder. Eleanor allowed herself to be ushered into a chair opposing the desk, thanking Michael when he pulled the chair out for her.

“I told you we could have done this in your space if it was going to bother you so much,” Michael grumbled. He hovered between both sides of the desk, unwilling to commit to either position. He didn’t seem inclined to actually ask the other man to leave his chair despite wanting to.

“And deal with you bringing your good person vibes there? No thanks, Jabroni,” the man sneered. He rolled his eyes at Eleanor as though she were in on the joke.

Michael folded his fingers and finally settled on leaning against the wall behind him. “Fine, Trevor, fine,” he relented. “Can we just get through this as quickly as possible then?”

Eleanor glanced from one man to the other, feeling less and less okay than the wall had promised. “Let’s do that,” she suggested. “Let’s move on and maybe explain to those now joining us what exactly is going on. Why am I back in the principal's office looking at positive affirmations stuck to the walls that are trying to make me a better person?”

“Too bad you didn’t pay more attention to those back then. Well, not really. Then you might have skipped this whole part of the afterlife, and I would have been out another soul to torment until eternity runs out,” Trevor said, sighing wistfully when he finished.

Eleanor blinked twice. “What’s this now about the afterlife?” she squeaked. Her focus locked onto Michael, the more sane one. Surely he would explain away the crap coming from his counterpart.

The dapper man winced. “There are better ways to put it, but we might as well rip the bandage off now that it’s just dangling there,” he said.

“You died, dummy,” Trevor interjected. “Get over the stunned doe-eye thing; it’s not cute. I’ve seen it three-e-e-thousand times already.” Eleanor fought to control her reaction, guilted by just how callous Trevor had been and unable to stomach the discomfort radiating from Michael. She settled on furrowing her brow and trying to remember if she’d been sick, dying, or otherwise ready to kick the bucket back on Earth. Suicide wasn’t her bag. She didn’t smoke three packs a day to pick up lung cancer. A blank nothingness sat in her recent memory.

A heavy hand on her shoulder broke through her thoughts. Michael was smiling apologetically down at her. “Do you need a minute to adjust?” he asked. His pitying tone and the sounds of Trevor fake retching had Eleanor shaking her head.

“No, I’m fine,” she insisted. She wasn’t fine or okay or any other better-than-bad adjective that her public school education had taught her. But hell if she was going to roll over and show that to these two strangers.

“Wanna know what did you in?” Trevor asked. He kicked his feet off the desk and leaned forward to leer at her. The movement sent his cologne - if it could be called that - cascading in her direction in a plume of bitter faux leather smell. He was baiting her and dammit if she wasn’t falling right for it.

Eleanor crossed her arms and leveled her own sickly twisted grin in his direction. “Let me guess, from being so awesome the universe literally exploded,” she snapped.

Trevor’s laugh was bitter and devoid of actual, genuine joy. “Dream on, dirt bag. The world didn’t even notice when you died,” he said.

“Alright, alright. We are radically off plan now,” Michael tittered near Eleanor’s shoulder. “Later once you’ve calmed down I can have Janet show you your death if you’d like, Eleanor. But for now can we please just cover the basics?”

Trevor glared at Michael over the frames of his shutter shades. “You’re such a buzzkill,” he glowered. “You won't let me play with my new toy for even a minute.” He slunk back against the chair which suited Eleanor just fine. She mirrored his posture, sticking out her tongue for good measure.

“Eleanor and the others aren’t your toys,” Michael insisted. He turned back to Eleanor and clapped his hands together.

“So, what I’ve been meaning to get to is that you’re dead. Which is normally not a big deal - every human dies eventually and the system is used to that - but right now we’re in sort of an administrative crisis.”

Trevor cupped one hand around his mouth and mock whispered, “He means that the goodie-two-shoes royally screwed the pooch.”

“Thank you, Trevor,” Michael snarled. He tugged the bottom of his suit jacket into line and regained his composure. “Basically, well normally there are two paths that a recently departed soul like yourself will follow. Option A, you were a good person and will go to a good place as a reward for your actions. Option B, you were a bad person and will go to, well, a bad place for punishment.”

Eleanor’s stomach flipped. Eternal torment had been Trevor’s threat. She’d screwed up. She landed herself in the bad place. Slumping in her chair, Eleanor covered her face with one hand. From behind her fingers, she said in a muffled voice, “That’s it then, isn’t it? I got option B, for ‘boned.’”