#i still love you all

[hopelesslygaysstuff]

I'm sorry for being so inactive guys, college is kicking my ass rn... I have been working nonstop all day for this whole week, but this weekend I will have time to write so there might be a new fic coming your way!!

Emphasis on might.

Anyways!! Just wanted to let ya'll know that I'm still here, just stressed out and extremely busy

[sodaft-potato]

PSA: IF YOU HAVE A DEFAULT TUMBLR PROFILE PICTURE, I AM LIKELY GOING TO BLOCK YOU. I have been absolutely swamped by bots lately. No hard feelings, but it would be a good idea to change your pfp to something else.

[postwarlevi]

If people want to self ship, let them. It is NOT hurting you. If it's not your thing, don't interact. If it upsets you that bad, don't follow them.

Don't show up in their inbox and go around making fun of them. It's enjoyable for some people and even groups of people.

Literally you are here reading fics and looking at art of fictional characters. You are putting these fake characters in situations that you like reading about/seeing.

If I want a relationship with one of them, don't go around trying to ruin my fun. We're all here to have a good time.

[satocidal]

*goes to a mutuals’ blog*

*goes to inbox, types a message*

*overthinks, deletes the message*

*goes back into my corner*

[samandcolbyownme]

I haven’t meant to be short lately, I’ve been down in the dumps but I’ll be back, just give me a minute lol

[celtic-crossbow]

Mental health stuff below

My mental health is taking a beating today. It’s one of those “I have no idea what’s wrong but everything is wrong” days. I only want to sleep and cry to avoid the black hole that is slowly sucking away any semblance of desire to keep moving on.

These days are the worst because I don’t know what to do to feel even a little better and I wouldn’t be able to summon the energy to do it anyway.

So I will likely not be posting anything new— incorrect quotes or otherwise. I have tried to reply to comments but if I miss yours, I’m really sorry and please don’t think it means that it wasn’t appreciated.

Take care. I’ll try to as well.

💙Murda

[caseyqdilla]

Staycation Extravaganza

A/N: Listen, @oneforthemunny this wasn't supposed to be an angst thing, but my brain just went there okay. IM SORRY (I couldn't bear leaving them that way though soo I definitely have it ending in fluff.)

CW: Slight angst, fluff, and a little bit of hinting of smut at the end there, but nothing happens. Ends in fluff as promised though!

Finding out you were pregnant after you adopted Ollie wasn’t in your plan, but you and Eddie were excited nonetheless. Or you were until you figured out that you were going to be a hormonal mess your first trimester. You hated it, Eddie felt like he had to walk on eggshells around you and you found yourself getting agitated at the smallest things that normally wouldn’t have bothered you. It all came to a head one day as you’re laying on the couch; you’d come home early for the day with a splitting headache and having gotten way more irritated than you meant to with your class. Eddie had heard you in the classroom and pulled you aside when they went for lunch. 

“Sweetheart, I think you should go home. School’s almost out for the day and I’m sure they can get someone to sit with them for a little while.” as delicately as he could, trying not to set you off. You knew he was just trying to help, but you just got teary-eyed and your lip started wobbling. “No, no baby, don't cry! I’m just worried about you sweetheart. Please don’t cry.” but it was too late, you were already nearing hysterics. You hated this, you were an emotional person already, but you were used to being in control of them, not them controlling you. 

“Y-you’re right, I should go home…I probably am making them miserable.” you stuttered out between sobs. It broke Eddie’s heart seeing you so sad, but he knew (well he hoped to whatever deity would listen) that it was only temporary and would be over after your first trimester. 

“Baby, you’re not making anyone miserable, you just have a headache and having to stand most of the day probably isn’t helping.” he tried to reason with you. You nodded slightly and made your way to the principal’s office to let them know you needed to leave due to your condition, as you’ve taken to calling your over-emotional state. Knowing it wasn’t normally like you to call out or leave early just because they were very understanding. 

Coming home you grabbed an ice pack and a towel to wrap it up in so you could lay down on the couch. You’ve never felt less like yourself than you have during your first trimester. You’d fallen into an uncomfortable sleep. 

Ollie had come home when Eddie was done and was eager to talk to you as he did every day after school; except today you were unusually snappy today. You were getting irritated so easily and finally snapped when he was trying to get your attention. 

“And then- mom, are you listening? Mommy?” 

“Ollie, I’m listening.” you’d responded in a terse tone, which did not go unnoticed by Ollie or Eddie. Ollie quickly receded into himself which broke Eddie’s heart as well as your own. You went to say something else, but Ollie had run off to his room quickly shutting the door. Guilt took over your mind, “Oh god, I ruined everything; he’s gonna hate me so much now.” you sobbed out dropping your head into your hands. 

“Sweetheart, he isn’t going to hate you, we just have to explain to him what’s happening.” Eddie tried to console you, unsure if you wanted physical contact he went with verbal reassurance waiting for you to make the next move if you wanted him to hold you or stroke your back. You sniffled as your sobs stopped. 

“Eddie, I think you and Ollie should go. M-” before you could finish your sentence, Eddie panicked and began to rattle off. 

“Sweetheart, i-it’s okay, we don’t need to leave; I- I promise that it isn’t -” tears having welled up in his eyes in his panic, thinking you wanted him to leave an that you changed your mind about having his baby; you immediately start to sooth his anxieties, cursing yourself knowing you should have worded it better. 

“Baby, baby! I didn’t mean to leave for good. Baby I never want to get rid of you or Ollie, I love you both so so much I just meant for a weekend; maybe just until the end of my first trimester since I only have a few more days.” 

He calmed rather quickly, thankful you hadn’t suddenly changed your mind after having to deal with these big emotional changes that you weren’t able to control.

“Maybe you and Ollie can go on a trip with Wayne?” you suggested.

Eddie mulled it over, “Yeah, I think taking Ollie to see Wayne would be a good idea. He’s been itching to see him more and I think he has this weeknd off actually.” he smiled at the thought of Wayne and Ollie having this time together, “I doubt he’s gonna wanna go on a trip though”, he huffed a small laugh, “maybe we could have a staycation. Ollie and I can grab a bunch of movies, snacks, games, and all that jazz.” you gave a watery smile nodding and thinking about how much fun he would have with Wayne and Eddie; without you. You shook those thoughts away as quickly as they approached, it would just be a few days and you needed this just as much as they probably would enjoy seeing Wayne for those days. As Eddie went to call Wayne and make sure he was okay with the idea (which of course he was; as he put it, “Boy why are you asking to bring me my grandson? You never have to ask.”) you went to Ollie’s room and knocked gently to ask permission to come in; you swore as soon as you’d become a parent that you were not above apologizing when you messed up, even if it was something out of your control like this. 

“Come in.” his quiet reply came and you tentatively opened the door. 

“Hey Ollie-pop, can I talk to you?” he nodded and you sat down gently beside him, he curled up shifting away from you slightly and it took all your power not to burst into tears right then and there. “Lovebug, I am so sorry for how I spoke to you. I know that it sounded like I wasn’t excited to see or talk to you, but I want you to know that how I spoke has absolutely nothing to do with you.” he nodded to you, but refused to meet your eyes so you finished up, “I hope you can forgive me Ollie, but I also want you to know that it’s okay to feel big emotions so if you are upset with me I will understand and we can talk about it if and when you want to, okay?” It was hard not to scoop him up in your arms and hug him, but you knew this was a big moment for you two. You knew that you needed to let him make the next step when he was ready. With that you told him goodnight and that you loved him, which thankfully he did respond in kind you think if he hadn’t you’d have sobbed all the way to your room. 

The next day Eddie and Ollie had woken up before you and rather than wake you up, knowing how rough a day you had yesterday Eddie gave you a gentle kiss on the head and left you a note letting you know they’d gone to Wayne’s. Ollie was still a little upset by yesterday’s events, but as soon as he saw Wayne’s smiling face he ran into his grandpa’s arms giggling when he swung him around in his embrace. 

“I missed you so much boy!” he said as he put Ollie down and not knowing what happened yesterday curiously asked, “Where’s mom at bud?” he got quiet and walked past Wayne to go to his toys that he kept there leaving a confused Wayne and Eddie to explain what happened. 

After he finished telling Wayne about it, he asked “What am I going to do Wayne? What if it isn’t any easier for her after the first trimester? What if her mood swings get worse??” 

Wayne put a firm hand on his shoulder, “Eddie, you married her cause she’s a strong woman. She will get through this, you just have to be there to support her. I know you’re doing what you can so don’t worry. As for Ollie-pop, let me talk to him while you make us dinner.” he smiled and clapped Eddie on the shoulder as he stood. 

Eddie laughed, “Is that why you let me tag along? Maid service?” 

“You remember how you were in highschool? Of course I’m collecting maid services now that you’ve got it together a little and your woman whipped you into shape a little! It was like living with a feral raccoon most of the time.” 

Eddie barked out a laugh as he made his way to the kitchen to make something he knew Ollie would like and Wayne made his way to Ollie. 

“Hey buddy, wanna go play outside? I can throw the ball around with you for a little?” Ollie’s eyes lit up and he raced outside. He vaguely heard Eddie grumbling about turning his baby boy into a jock; which got a snort out of Wayne. “Shush you.” 

They had been throwing the ball around when Ollie had seen some other kids playing in the trailer park with their mom and he suddenly got sad again. Wayne noticed and had him come sit next to him on the bench in the middle of the park. “What’s wrong Ollie?” he asked, knowing but also wanting to hear what’s going through his mind. 

“I think mom hates me.” he sniffled as tears started rolling down his cheeks. It broke Wayne’s heart and he couldn’t even imagine how it would have affected you; especially with your hormones being played like a yo-yo. 

Wayne pulled Ollie into his lap and rocked him back and forth slightly as he let him cry. When his tears started to dwindle away, Wayne pulled away a little so he could look Ollie in the face. “Ollie, you mom doesn’t hate you. She adores you, you’re her favorite person in the whole world; don’t tell your dad though, I don’t think he could handle it.” Ollie giggled, which had Wayne smiling. “She’s going through some changes, nothin’ that you’ve done is the cause of any of those changes you hear me?” he waited for the boy to nod in understanding before continuing. “You remember how they told you you’d be having a little brother or sister?” 

“Yes sir, mommy and daddy were so excited and I can’t wait to have a sibling! But what if they don’t want me after?” The statement took Wayne back to when Eddie was a little boy, how dejected he was when he was left with him feeling unwanted and terrified being without his mom. He knew there had to be an underlying reason your tone had a bigger impact on him. You and Eddie have had to be a little strict with him on certain things and he never closed himself off like this during those times and Wayne understood it now as fear. He was afraid of losing you two, afraid that you’d get the newest addition to your family and think that he was just too much to handle with the baby. He wrapped the young boy in a tight hug. “If I know anything about your mom and dad; and I’ve known your daddy since he was a little thing just like you,” he ruffled his hair affectionately eliciting a giggle from him, “and I’ve known your mom for quite a while, I know that they love with all their hearts. Let me tell you, the first time they met you and came to tell me all about you, they were already so in love with you bud. They knew right after that they wanted you as their son.” Wayne saw the tears forming in the little boy’s eyes and a small smile stretching across his lips. “A lot of people are born in unfortunate circumstances, your dad was one of them, but very few of them are lucky enough to say that their family chose them.” Ollie launched himself at his grandpa and buried his face in his chest. 

As if on cue to offer some comedic relief, Eddie; sweet Eddie, bursts through the trailer door followed by a plume of dark smoke coughing and shutting the door as quickly as he could lest Wayne see. However, nothing escapes his watchful eye. He drops his head to Ollie’s little shoulder as he stands up laughing at his dad’s antics. 

“How about we go to Benny’s or order pizza?” Eddie offers up bashfully. 

“Let’s go to Benny’s. Open that door boy, get that smoke out of there.” he says shaking his head as they pile into the van. As they leave they stop and Wayne asks one of his friends to watch the trailer and if they can “get that damn smoke out of there”. His friend laughs and asks if it was Eddie or the little man, which Eddie definitely doesn’t blame Ollie; nope he would never do that. Ollie looks at his dad with his mouth agape and playfully glares at his dad. 

After they have dinner and make their way back, luckily the house is void of smoke. Thus begins their weekend of fun and relaxation; you were always at the back of their minds, but they knew you needed this time alone even if you didn’t particularly want it. 

They had a blast playing whatever Ollie’s little heart desired whether it be board games, sports (much to Eddie’s dismay), or even a one shot campaign Eddie threw together, the guys were ecstatic that Ollie had started showing an interest in DND. 

By the end of the weekend extravaganza, Eddie and Ollie were ready to get back to you; you were so ready for your family back too, finally feeling more like yourself. You were glad that you got to have some time to try and reason with the little being that you were growing, “Come on little one, I need to still be there for your big bro and your daddy. You’ve gotta let me function somewhat normally love bite.” you’d pleaded with your little peanut that had begun to show a little while your boys were gone. You were so excited for Eddie to see and you were anxious to see Ollie, hoping that he was able to forgive you and that Eddie was right and he didn’t hate you; which you knew in the back of your mind that he didn’t, but that’s never stopped your worry-goblin from running amok in your mind. 

You’d been cleaning up after having made dinner. You'd made Ollie and Eddie’s favorite, dino nuggies with mac and cheese; even if the smell of the artificial cheese made you want to lose what you’d eaten prior to your making dinner. You would suffer through for your boys, you love them so much and this weekend without them just solidified that even more. As you finished up the last pot and got the plates down ready to have dinner with your family, you’d heard the van door shut and excitedly put the plates down on the counter by the stove and rushed to the door, meeting them as it opened. 

“My boys are home!” you’d exclaimed as they entered, Eddie was the first to greet you with a big hug and a gentle kiss. Once he pulled back, he grabbed the bags they’d taken to Wayne’s and went to the laundry room, wanting to give you a few minutes with Ollie; knowing you needed it as much as he did. (However, he did notice your belly had begun to show and he would most certainly be addressing that after Ollie went to bed. Fuck, he fell in love with you all over again. He also really hoped you were feeling like your old self a little cause, damn seeing that he was definitely hornier than a prepubescent teenager.) 

Ollie was standing where Eddie had just been, you crouched down to his height, “Hey my Ollie-pop, how are you baby?” Eagerly he launched himself at you, as gently as he could as to not hurt his little brother or sister. “I’m sorry mommy.” he sniffled as he hugged you tightly. 

You pulled away with a confused expression, “Lovebug why on earth are you sorry?”

“Before we left I never said goodnight…” 

“Lovebug that’s okay, you were processing some big emotions I’m sure. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about anyway. Nothing was your fault baby boy I promise.” you pulled him into a gentle hug and squeezed him close. “I just hope you can forgive me sweet boy, I never meant to hurt you in any way. I would never hurt you on purpose baby.” 

He smiled and squeezed you back gently, “It’s okay mommy, I forgive you. Grandpa Wayne helped me with my big emotions.” your heart soared knowing Wayne did that for you, he’s such a great grandpa; the big ‘ol softy. 

With you and Ollie being able to talk about things and you explain in more detail as to why you’d been so emotional he understood better. You tried not to be too graphic, he is just a kid after all. You also wanted to make sure that you used phrasing you knew he’d understand, which it seems like you hit your mark as he nodded and asked questions where he needed to. By the time Eddie had come back from starting the load of laundry they’d brought back it was time for you all to eat dinner.  

“I made your favorite you guys!” you’d excitedly told them and loved the way their eyes lit up at the same time, rushing to the kitchen. Eddie paused, letting Ollie prepare his own plate (you guys had gotten a small step ladder that he could use so he could become a little more independent, which was bittersweet for you both honestly) and he stepped back to hold you, your back to his chest. 

“I’ve missed you so much baby.” he whispered in your ear, placing a gentle kiss on your neck right below your ear. Before you could respond he continued with a slight growl in his voice low enough for only you to hear, “Don’t think I didn’t notice that you’re showing baby. You look so fucking amazing.” it must have had the desired effect as you felt him smirk when your knees buckled slightly. You’re not even sure why it got you that way, but you’d just blame the hormones for now and address it later. Eddie then pulled away from you to go get some of the delicious smelling dinner you’d made and you followed shortly after him then you all sat chatting and eating as the happy little family that you were. After dinner you all piled on the couch to watch a movie that Ollie picked out, but as anticipated he didn’t even make it a quarter of the way through. You and Eddie shared a fond look as he picked up your sleeping boy and took him to his room so he could sleep comfortably. 

Once he was tucked away safely in bed you both got ready and snuggled in bed together, any plans of debauchery squashed as you just missed being in one another’s embrace. 

“How are you feeling baby? Any better now that you’re out of the first trimester?” he asked curiously. You smiled as you ran your fingers through his beautiful locks, “Yeah baby, I feel so much more like myself now. Me and the little peanut had a heart to heart and I think she got the message.” before you realized what you’d said Eddie’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. 

“She”, he whispered in awe, tears starting to brim his beautiful chocolate eyes. You mentally cursed yourself, your doctor had called on Friday when you came home from work and let you know the gender since it was time and you’d done the blood test to find out as soon as possible. You really wanted to make a huge surprise for Eddie and present him with the wonderful knowledge that you both were having a baby girl, but your pregnancy brain apparently had another thing in mind. You smiled sheepishly as tears formed in your eyes as well nodding your head slightly, “Yeah baby, she.” 

You’d make a super special announcement for everyone later, right now this is all that mattered. You being in each other’s arms; that’s how you fell asleep that night, embraced in one another’s arms and slightly teary-eyed from the good news.

[deadandwalking]

sometimes a family is just a bunch of fucking weirdo queers who are equally likely to kill you and kill for you and honestly i couldn't be happier

[scowlowl]

This blog is likely to get either nuked from orbit or abandoned soon and if anyone would like to stay in touch elsewhere, just message me ♥️

I have a new Discord name to pass out if anyone's looking for the old name, too. (If you had me added it's fine, you don't need to add me again or anything. Same account, new name.)

Thanks, everyone.

[hyperfixated-gvf]

Not to bring more negativity to your dash but I’m a little disgusted with GVF right now. Rose-colored glasses have come off and they’re both giving and have been giving icky vibes for a while now and I’m not rocking with it.

If you ever have a question or need anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out! But I’m gonna take a break from this all until something actually happens and they stop being cryptic and detached.

[clingyduoapologist]

When my believed mutual’s have opinions incorrect about fictional characters 💔

[bchemiqn]

i really need some new online friends i’m so lonely LMAOCJNWUDBA

[yvehattan]

Resurrecting my blog like I’m Raskolnikov fresh outta Siberia

[noknowshame]

why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?

[scaredsofmyguitar]

devastating: my perfect angel mutuals are mutuals with people I can’t stand