#i struggle to do even pressing projects that I'm paid for because stress is too much 😭

[anyu-blue]

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I wanna talk about my homemade Spider-Man universe.

Not that I've been exactly mum about it before now--I've got a whole-ass sideblog for it, @ask-spider-man-61610. But that's an in-character askblog; it filters everything through the often-biased viewpoint of Peter Parker himself. I'm gonna start talking about the project on main, too. Should be easier to engage with readers that way. And I'm gonna start with talking about Peter.

(Art by @sirwolficus.)

This version of Peter Parker was born in 1994. In 2009 he attended a scientific exhibition and was bitten by an experimental, genetically-altered, radioactive spider. And in the years since then he's grown up into probably the best superhero on the planet...but not without stumbling along the way, and not without making a lot of mistakes.

See, you know how most modern adaptations of Spider-Man try to compress basically his entire history into his high school years? Peter here reflects that, in the sense that he went through dozens upon dozens of adventures as a student of Midtown High. Dozens of supervillain encounters. Dozens of desperate fights for his life. Dozens of failures, almost all of which killed someone--sometimes someone he knew. All before the age of eighteen.

Specs--I call this Peter "Specs" because the spider bite didn't fix his eyesight--has a pretty severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder. He's prone to horrible flashbacks and panic attacks. He's hypervigilant, to the point that his spider-sense has grown into a constant, unpleasant alert of even the most minor hazards. He obsesses over his mistakes, his guilt, and his "responsibility." He has nightmares so often that he's afraid to sleep, and routinely stays awake for days on end.

And he's so, so angry.

But he's also smart, and remarkably mature. Uncle Ben died when he was fourteen, and Aunt May's cardiorespiratory illness meant that a full-time job was essentially impossible for her. To help pay for rent and medication, Peter got a paid internship with the Daily Bugle, where he photographed everything from press conferences to breaking news to--yes--himself in action as Spider-Man. And it was through that internship that he came to understand the hold that corporate greed, organized crime, and political agendas have on the world. Spider-Man stopped being a simple crime-fighter and started becoming a tool for weakening that hold.

(Art by @enby-scientist/@scribbling-scientist.)

Peter's been Spider-Man for a little over a decade now. (The "present day" of his universe is permanently a few years behind ours.) In that decade he's grown into a highly competent photojournalist, a detective, a chemical engineer, and an outspoken proponent for social change. His skills in combat and disaster response have become first-rate, as has his understanding of corporate and political corruption.

He doesn't always do the right thing. And very rarely does he respect anyone's authority but his own. But he's helped many, many more people than he's hurt over the years (though he himself struggles to see that), and his efforts have pushed large sections of his world a few steps back from the brink.

The life of a superhero is nightmarish even as an adult, of course. Peter still winds up half-dead and scared out of his mind on a regular basis. People still die if he isn't fast or strong enough to save them. And he's still got a rogues gallery, and finds himself growing increasingly frustrated to fight the same thirty guys or so time and time again. The cyclical nature of the hero-villain feud gets center stage in this version of the Spider-Man mythos. Peter dwells on it a lot, and is desperate to break that cycle before it can finish breaking him.

But none of this should undercut the silver linings of Specs' life. As he's matured over the years, and despite his abrasive nature, he's gained a small collection of friends, allies, and found family. He's grown close to, courted, dated, and married Mary Jane Watson, the strongest woman he's ever known. Through his repeated journeys into the multiverse he's met countless other spider-based vigilantes, including alternate versions of himself, and their friendship has massively lessened the feeling of isolation his career creates. And he's made a real, tangible difference in the world around him. A change for the better, however small. He'd keep being Spider-Man even if none of this was true--he's a stubborn bastard like that. But all this makes his grief feel worth it. Even when he can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, all this lets him carry a little light with him.

(Art by @SpiderWitHyphen on Twitter.)