anyu-blue - Tumblr blog

[anyu-blue]

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It's wild to think that, in my family, I was not steered away from certain things, and almost expected (once I became an adult) to get certain piercings, to do drugs, have more tattoos, and have kids.

Instead... all of my piercings, tattoos, drug use, and danger of having kids happened mostly before or during my 18th year of life. Because of my family.

And, now that I'm 30... it's absolutely horrifying to look back on what those people did to me/said was okay. What they STILL do and think is okay...

I would absolutely walk back the tattoos. I always say no to drugs/alcohol (I was offered it for my pain, so I do understand to a degree, but still). I never use more than 2 of my piercings. And I have no children.

I am who I am... a sad, lonely recluse that rescued two people from that life when it was far too late for me... and coaches others as best I can away from that behavior from a distance when they need it (they're open to it, it's not by force. Bad people, unfortunately, can create good kids).

I may never be able to do anything more with my life because of the start I had... imagine I had been nurtured instead of expected to fall into their ranks.

I hold negative feelings for my biological family and the friends that didn't stop them.

[anyu-blue]

my apologies if this has already been posted here but im sharing this. here is what someone said on twitter along w this image:

the central image text reads: “@everyone I HAVE BEEN RELIABLY INFORMED GUARDIAN JOURNALISTS ARE SNOOPING AROUND ASKING FOR TRANS PEOPLE TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT DIY HRT. THEY ARE PARTICULARLY LOOKING FOR UNDER-18S DOING DIY. SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE SAID, BUT DO. NOT. ENGAGE. SPREAD WIDELY. DO NOT ENGAGE. WE NEED THIS NOTICE SPREAD OUT VIA EVERY GRASSROOTS SUPPORT GROUP AND SOCIAL CIRCLE IN THE COUNTRY.

URGENT. IF THEY GET EVEN ONE TO TAKE PART IT BECOMES A NATIONAL CONVERSATION. TOP ALERT.

Guardian journos are apparently asking trans people about DIY. Trans followers: DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO THEM. NOT A WORD.

I also know I’ve got cis mutuals who have written for the Guardian. Please know I’ve always thought less of you because of that.

- https://x.com/TownTattle/status/1781045092049928551

[anyu-blue]

~

It almost feels like everything about life is telling me I need to go. That I'll never be happy here no matter what I do or how hard I try.

But I can't risk believing that when I am unable to guarantee that what I want is waiting for me on the other side.

[anyu-blue]

No.

It IS a resounding NO.

Because Covid is STILL killing swaths of people, we just aren't masking (outside of individuals like myself who do) or giving it media attention anymore. And it's mutated (as we were warned it would) so vastly were still not sure we can keep up or prevent it with vaccines.

LONG Covid is impacting almost everyone I know. My household had a confirmed case ONCE because of ONE encounter we were supposed to be able to trust, and we're still not the same years later.

And, sure, the unemployment rate HAS gone down and good things have been set in motion, HOWEVER- most of us are barely scraping by as cost of necessities keep rising by the week and is WHY unemployment has gone down. No one can afford to house another person without a job anymore- making the sick/disabled and the unfit enter the workforce at greater numbers. Because they have no choice. Disability is not enough. Side hustles/ money-making hobbies aren't enough. Literal CHILDREN are being hired (sometimes under the table)!! These all skew the numbers.

I'm honestly sick of seeing my coworkers do price changes- CHEAP shoes currently START at $20. Cheap 'decent' shoes start at $50. Our minimum wage is $10/hr. Do the math of how much of your life it takes to keep buying work shoes- which you're supposed to replace every 8 months - let alone groceries. It used to cost us $150 for a weekly trip. Now for the SAME STUFF, it's $400. So we scramble to find alternatives- anything to knock the cost of FOOD down. Its f*cked with my IBS and food intolerances VERY badly because I'm just trying to eat whatever is cheapest. And its that, or go hungry.

Oh, but despite being sick, we can't go to our hospital because it's full of people who are too tired not to make mistakes OR people who are there for the paycheck and nothing more. And even if we DID go, the co-pays and then costs of that care are higher than ever. $100 WITH INSURANCE (that's also at least $100 a month before co-pays and deductibles) for a generic medication? WTF?

Have I even mentioned the homelessness rate in our state? It has SKYROCKETED while ALSO now being criminalized because there's just so many people in the previous safe havens that they can't hide from the public eye and now authorities-- which leads to overcrowding and, you guessed it, furthering disease in any available housing these desperate people (who ARE working btw- usually because of a grandfather clause or managing to find a way around the 'needing an address' problem some other way.) can find. They just can't afford a home, OR to KEEP their home as the housing prices and property taxes keep going up as well.

A good Gen X friend of mine is terrified she'll lose her house due to these very taxes. She has a cancer treatment she takes (which also costs an arm and a leg) and can only work part time as a teacher because of the side-effects. That doesn't pay a lot.

OH! And that doesn't even touch the fact that we're seeing a genocide and unintentionally helping to pay for it with our damn taxes AND whatever damn company also supports it that sells a product we don't have an alternative but to buy from that brand.

Most of the people I know that fall into those lovely, easy to read numbers and statistics are NOT doing better at ALL. We're INDIVIDUALS, FAMILIES, entire COMMUNITIES who are struggling under the weight of it all while big wigs and jerks who only look at the superficial data and NOT the actual quality of life PEOPLE have get to say we have it SOOO much better than we did 4 years ago.

We don't.

SOME things are better... on paper. The reality is much more dirty than that. It's so, so ugly.

Get off your fucking high-horse, get your nose out of the damn data, and listen to the people's answers.

It IS a resounding NO.

(This isn't a rag on Biden btw. He's imperfect and not helping in some areas, but I DO recognize we are better off than under Trump. HOWEVER, what that man did while in office, AND the stupid ideas it gave to the power hungries STILL in office is part of why we are so absolutely not doing well right now. It takes time and good teams to undo the problems caused - and a lot of the good that SHOULD be here or looks good on paper isn't actually good rn is because of that ripple effect too.)

1. Morning in America

Without irony or embarrassment, Elise Stefanik asks, “Are you better off today than you were four years ago?”

And then Stefanik claims that the answer is “A resounding no.”

AYFKM?

Let’s do this. And I mean, let’s really forking do it.

First, let’s start with the baseline. What was it like four years ago?

At this point in 2020, a few hundred Americans were dying every day from COVID. By April 2020 that number would be over 2,000 dead per day.

[anyu-blue]

@rat-quing

vintage coin purse, date unknown.

[anyu-blue]

[anyu-blue]

In mine and many other east Asian cultures, the dragon traditionally symbolises things like power, wealth and strength (imperial symbol and all)

I think we often forget that in the story of the Great Race, the dragon came in fifth because it'd stopped to give people rain. Then it'd stopped again to push a rabbit adrift on a log across the wide river so it reached the shore safely (that's why the Rabbit year comes before the Dragon).

Dragons aren't meant to just be powerful - they are meant to do good with such power, and to help those in need.

So in this lunar new year, I hope you gain more power, so that you might be able to help others. I pray you have abundant resources so you may give to yourself and those around you. I wish you courage, endurance, kindness and generosity, for yourself and your people.

I hope you, and I, will be rain givers, life preservers, joy bringers.

I hope we will be dragons.

[anyu-blue]

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[anyu-blue]

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[anyu-blue]

Ice cream is delicious 🎉

I believe this is in response to my question at the end of this post? If so.. You are correct- it certainly can be when the world isn't grey and flavors don't meld together into little more than mush. Depression takes a lot away from us. PTSD and flashbacks do too, and when they hit, not even my favorite foods, hobbies, or even my support animals can help. The very world itself literally becomes dull and unenjoyable. Still. Thank you for the positive and sweet intention. I am often in and out of being in the dumps. I do my best and enjoy what I can when I can too. I grapple every day with the knowledge I have very nearly wasted my entire life as I did not know how short it is likely going to be. And yet, I haven't wasted it as I have been kind, giving, open, and a wonderful friend and family member to so many people- especially as I grew and learned. Most did not and will not return the favor, and so for choosing them that is where I went wrong. That is where my heart breaks and my world crumbles to ashes. But do not fret. I still love life itself. I consider myself lucky that even though I've made many mistakes, even though I'm one who suffers through many breaths, I get to be here and experiencing and giving kindness in so many forms as we are capable of. So, genuinely, thank you for your answer, my friend. It is very sweet of you, and I wish you many spoonfuls of Ice-cream in your life as well. <3

[anyu-blue]

It can happen anywhere...

I opened the Tupperware cabinet to get something to make Tuna Salad in and immediately started having flashbacks to... I think it was 2 years ago now... When I flat-out lost my will to live.

My father rescued me. Immediately flew me down to New Mexico to stay with him as long as I needed... and that situation was both better and worse than how I live here. Worse in that it was so dirty in comparison - an old house with animals free to roam and do as they please. Daily cleanups for one that had accidents, fleas, mites, mostly ignored catboxes... not "neglect" level care for the animals, but complacency at its finest... yet everything was well organized with a place, and I was treated amazingly - my feelings and thoughts mattering as much as they could.

Why, pray tell, did a cabinet fling me back to that time? And why also was I flung back to the following year when my elder sibling broke my entire spirit completely in a different way from before that's still effecting me to this day?

Because this cabinet and its contents is what weaponized and actual incompetence looks like.

That lid and basin do NOT go there. They do NOT need to be stacked and shoved haphazardly into my easily stacked Cyan pieces. Same too for the square, red-lidded container. And the black. And the washed margarine container. And larger soup basin. And and and and and...

I haven't opened this cabinet in a hot minute because I don't cook or prepare food much anymore... as the three of us subsist on microwave/instant meals 90% of the time. Which I hate... but it's what I've got... right alongside this completely unnecessary mess of a cabinet.

Again... why was I flung back?

Many, many times... both of my siblings have come to me.. saying "I don't know how to organize this/stack the Tupperware, could you show me?"

Many, many times I have said yes. Some times I showed. Some times I directed. Some times I supervised.

And yet.

I come back... to this.

Yes. I have OCD. I do. Fully admit my anxieties and issues with that, and I actively fight to make sure mine doesn't get in the way. However. So do they: OCD. Both of them. AND both of them have COMPLAINED that its hard to get stuff out of the cabinet.. that they hate when it all falls out or makes too much noise.. that they LIKE "my way" of doing it.

... When THEY are the ones causing the problem. And when they can't take the time (even when they HAVE the time) to, you know... APPLY what they've asked to learn? ....

It hits me extremely hard that they literally don't care enough to fix an issue they have even after receiving help again, and again, and again.. but default into "It's not Meek's way/perfect when I do it, so I'll just shove this in here because I don't want to deal with it right now.".. it hits me SO hard that they'd rather have a problem to complain about, that they'd rather inconvenience EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE HOUSE rather than take the time to care or do it better.

Not everyone naturally stacks and organizes this stuff like I can... yes. AND it's ACTUALLY a LEARNED skill. One that takes intention to complete, and is entirely possible for most anyone of average or higher intelligence to do....

I was flung back... I was triggered... and I'm reminded, quite unexpectedly, yet no less painfully... why I gave up in the first place.

.

.

.

I don't actually matter to those I gave up my entire life for.

Every future. Every opportunity I walked away from in order to save them from the horror we grew up in... and this is how I am thanked. Day. After day. After day.

If *I* don't take care of responsibilities outside of their own personal hygiene or moment-to-moment needs... no one will. No one will look after my happiness, and they won't even look after their own with every tool available to them.

The dryer vent is still blocked; clothes get mildewy instead of drying. No potential rentals for if this one becomes unaffordable when our lease is up soon have been brought to me/shared between them. We almost died because of blocked air vents that *I* eventually took charge of fixing because, well, DYING.

....

And I don't even get showed kindness. Didn't back then for all the cooking, keeping up with and motivating everyone for communal cleaning... not even for saving their lives the many times over I did. Whatever it took....

And it took from me my entire will. Twice over to the brink of total destruction...

And I ask myself... over a damn ill-stuffed cabinet... why am I even alive?

[anyu-blue]

Source

CDC Wastewater Viral Activity Monitoring

BreatheTeq

[anyu-blue]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee Seeing-eye humanssssss

So, something I learnt the other day. So, you know how dinosaurs supposedly can't see you if you stand still? Well that myth is based on real-life lizards/etc and how eyes in general work. So, once my dad starts infodumping, here comes some other cool information. We, humans, can in fact, also not see something unless it's moving. We fixed this by having our eyes constantly shake. And then our brain compensates for us, so we don't have to have shaky vision.

What if aliens don't have this? Like. What if they find out when one of us was looking at something in the distance, and they walk around this thing that's in front of them, and the alien is confused so they bob their head and oh, there's a thing there, but how did the human know that, and then we explain and they're like, horrified.

Humans are apex predators. They can hunt in packs. They can hunt in pairs. They can hunt on their own. They're persistance predators, which is unheard of. They get stronger when they're mad or scared. They have this thing called 'body language' which acts like a type of hivemind, even if they'll claim it isn't. And. They can see you. When you're not moving. They can still see you. If you ever find yourself in a fight against a human, for whatever reason? Run. Run as fast as you can. And hope, pray if you have a religion, that they won't follow.

[anyu-blue]

FREE PALESTINE 🇵🇸.

[anyu-blue]

don’t stop talking about what’s happening

[anyu-blue]

so for anyone who doesn't know, the last few days of the global strike (jan 26-28) are where people are supposed to amp up posting about palestine on their social media. if you can afford it, please use the remainder of the strike days to mostly engage w content spreading awareness about palestinian genocide. some people might find this a tall order, but it really isn't. it's just three more days, and the content you typically consume isn't going anywhere. and if you're keen on not giving a fuck about palestinian genocide, do everyone a favor and don't engage by leaving "how can i filter political things like this?" comments on posts about palestine. the people who're concerned w advocating for palestine have other things to worry about than disturbing your internet bubble. save yourself the trouble of typing that up. i assure you nobody cares.