#i then proceeded to search and only find it on full size harps

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Adhd will strike you with the sudden urge to hear cascadia’s every time we touch played on a mini harp and you cannot rest until you find a video of the closest thing you can

[pixiealtaira]

Mistletoe Mayhem

Hummel Holidays 2016 prompt 17: Mistletoe

Pairing: Kadam of course

Summery: There is such a thing as TOO much Mistletoe.

By mid-December Kurt Hummel wasn’t sure if he loved going to Adam’s apartment or dreaded it.

He loved the peace at Adam’s apartment.  It was always less stressful than the loft. Rachel had been low-key annoyed with him since McKinley’s regionals where Kurt avoided Blaine like the plague and ‘ruined’ her dreams.  She showed it in not even trying to rein in her diva attitude, ever. And Kurt never knew how Santana was going to behave from one day to the next.

At least Blaine had found someplace else to live.  Rachel had invited him to stay with them while he found a place at the start of the semester.  Kurt slept in the loft one night he was there and then spent every other night for three weeks someplace else…either at Adam’s or other Apple’s places…and refused to pay rent while he was not living full time at the loft….going so far as to call Rachel’s dads to explain his dilemma.  Putting up with Blaine at NYADA was already nearly too much for Kurt to handle.

He loved the way Adam’s apartment always smelled.  Adam loved cooking, and he loved having Kurt over to cook with him even more.  Kurt loved cooking with Adam.   And Adam let him bake as much as he wanted.  There was room to move around in the kitchen area, and Adam had full sized appliances and there was an island that separated the kitchen from the rest of the living area and real cupboards and even a pantry. They burned scented candles and incense when they felt like it.  In that manner…Adam’s apartment was heaven.

Adam’s apartment had bedrooms and closets and bathrooms…with walls and doors. Granted the second bedroom was tiny, but it was big enough for a day bed and to be used as a guestroom…or sewing room or art room or study or whatever need was prevalent at the time. The second bathroom might have had only a sink and toilet, but it was off the living area so could be used by guests without them traipsing through the bedroom, so there was that.

He even loved how Adam’s apartment was decorated…for the most part.  Adam had several small trees…one about three feet high and two that were just little table top ones.  They were decorated in themes…one of the small ones was covered in little gingerbread figures and baking items like rolling pins and bowls.  Adam even had little tiny working cookie cutters strung on it.  The other was candy themed, with little blown glass ornaments shaped like wrapped hard candies and gumdrops.  Kurt loved the how delicate they were.  His favorite tree though, was the larger one…Adam picked odd themes and hunted all season to decorate the tree in them, so it was always changing just a little. Adam told Kurt someday when he had moved to a house he’d have a big tree which he’d decorate with all the odd things. The current theme was dungeons and dragons…and somewhere Adam had found a garland made of jingle bells and dice.  Kurt loved it and he didn’t even play D&D.

The problem was…mistletoe was everywhere…and it migrated.  Kurt never knew when he was going to be kissed stepping into the apartment. Not too much a problem when it was just him and Adam. But the rule was…if you were under the plant, you kissed and gathered your berry, so when anyone else was there as well you ended up kissing whoever you ended up under the plant with.  And Adam had some lecherous old lady neighbors…Miss Lilly caught him under the damned plants sixteen times one evening.  And at ninety she did NOT take no for an answer…his cheeks were pinched red and he was wearing more lipstick than she was by the end of the evening.

And Adam thought it hilarious.  Kurt was not as amused.  And it had frankly started to make him nervous to go to Adam’s. He’d even tried avoiding it after the Miss Lilly day. It didn’t really work.

Because the loft was even more ridiculous during the holiday season.  Rachel had gone nuts.  Every day he heard about the Santa debacle from the year before.  She just harped on and on about it.  Santana was snappy and snippy and bratty…Brittany was giving her mixed signals again and her folks were tossing issues up all over the place because they wanted her home but her grandmother didn’t.  And the loft had been decorated very ‘loudly’…by Rachel of all people.  The colors were bright and headache inducing and ugly to boot.

Not to mention Blaine and Sam were over constantly….for holiday parties and gatherings.  And Blaine with any bit of alcohol in him wouldn’t listen to him or leave him alone. And never believed in the word no at all.  Sam with any alcohol in him let Blaine do whatever Blaine liked because they were ‘bros’ and that was more important than anything.

And there was always alcohol.

He was attacked as much at the loft as he was at Adam’s, even without the large amount of mistletoe, by Blaine generally…although early in the month there had been a very scary evening where Santana had drunkenly decided she wanted to see why Brittany was always talking about his kisses and hands.  It was always blamed on the single bit of Mistletoe at their loft…always.

But Adam’s place wasn’t safe either, not with all the Mistletoe.

Kurt had decided to bring it up, even, but he figured that he would do so after the party Adam was hosting on the 18th.  He nearly broke down and talked to Adam before the 18th when Sam drunkenly grabbed his ass at Rachel’s mid-winter winter wonderland bash, but Adam was worried about his party anyway and after listening to his fears his party would be so dull his co-workers would never want to talk to him again, Kurt decided to suck it up and endure Miss Emily two door down’s wandering hands.  The party was for Adam’s co-workers from the café he worked at, so Kurt could kind of see Adam’s worry.  He wouldn’t know what to do with people who didn’t sing all the time either, especially those who also didn’t speak fashion.

Kurt arrived at Adam’s party a bit late.  The subway was running behind and he’d been stuck at the loft longer than he had wanted listening to Rachel’s rant about the Winter Showcase and her insistence that her crushed heart and soul could only be healed with tons of gifts…she would like one from Kurt every day of Hanukkah and at least four for Christmas and he was to make sure Santa found her as well.  Santana got in on the demand fest and ranting, and Blaine and Sam added their Christmas wish lists as they came in while Kurt was headed out.

Adam’s apartment was packed. Kurt couldn’t see him anywhere, either. He could see that the mistletoe rules were in effect and people caught under then were trading pecks back and forth nearly constantly.

Kurt looked upwards before stepping into the apartment and continued his pattern of looking upwards and then walking a few steps as he searched for Adam.  He finally caught sight of Adam near the stove in the Kitchen when he was grabbed by the arms and dragged two steps sideways.

The kiss was not a peck on the cheek.

Adam was at his side and removing him from the man who had grabbed him, placing Kurt behind Adam before the man let go enough for Kurt to step back.

Kurt could hear the slurred words as Adam lit into the fellow and then into the coworker who had brought his already drunk brother to the party in the first place.

Adam turned and bundled Kurt into his arms and then into the kitchen and into the small pantry.

“Darling, are you alright? I could take you home.  I’ll find Alice or someone to watch over everything. I could…”

“Adam, I’ll be fine. I just need to go brush my teeth and sanitize my mouth and scrub my face really well.  I thought at least here I’d be safe from drunken kissing. Old ladies, no…never safe from them, but drunken kisses, I thought I was good here. I hate December.  I hate stupid drunken parties and I hate mistletoe!”

Adam kissed the top of Kurt’s head and escorted him to the bathroom. He stood outside the door and waited for Kurt to be finished and then tucked Kurt against his side for the rest of the evening, which proceeded drama free from the most part.  There were two other Mistletoe incidents which went too far and there was nearly a fist fight over the Christmas Trivia game, but Adam managed to rein everyone in when they started to get rowdier than optimal in such a small space.  Kurt was never more than an arm’s reach away.  The white elephant exchange went well and the party games seemed to be a hit, so both Adam and Kurt decided it wasn’t a disaster, even if neither was willing to call it a complete success.

Kurt started cleaning up as soon as people started leaving, which was a reasonable 11pm. Adam had escorted the last group to a taxi and Kurt headed down to toss the trash into the bin outside.  Adam beat Kurt back.

He was tearing down the Mistletoe when Kurt entered the apartment.

“I am sorry.” He said as soon as he noticed Kurt watching him. “I thought it was funny when it was Miss Lilly and Miss Emily or any of the other old ladies in the building. I knew they were just doing it to tease you.  But it was not funny when someone drunk pulled you under and it wasn’t funny when others were mauled either.  I’m going to toss it all.”

“You don’t have to toss it all…”Kurt said softly.  “But I think it should be in just one place.”

“And where would that be?” Adam asked.

“Over your bed.  I mean, I assume I’m the only one who will be caught by it there, right?”

Adam smiled. “Definitely. You come pick your favorite piece and I’ll tuck it over the bed.  I am so very sorry, Kurt.  You should have knocked sense into me ages ago.”

Kurt walked over and wrapped his arms around Adam. “I didn’t want to make you stop a tradition.  I hate when that happens to me.”

“It isn’t a very old tradition…we had about four pieces in the house growing up. The original Apples started this the first year we formed and it was out of hand even then, really, but that lot was so wild and mixed up that I don’t think we ever noticed. Cutting it back to one bunch, just for us, will be still keeping tradition enough.”

“I love you.” Kurt said. He plucked the prettiest bunch out of the pile by Adam’s feet and went and laid it on the dresser in the bedroom. Then he picked another piece and sat it over the desk. “Two bunches, but in personal spots. I’m going to make sure all the dishes are done and everything is right in the bedroom. Don’t be too long. By the way, I hope you don’t mind me crashing more often.  With the reduction of mistletoe I’m going to be hanging here more often until the Holiday season is over and parties at the loft die down to maybe one a month…and with that the alcohol consumption. I am so very tired of drunken bumbling.”

Adam beamed. “I’ll clear more space in the dresser and closet. Maybe I’ll be able to convince you to just keep stuff here all the time.  And like…just keep adding to it until everything you own is here.”

Kurt spun around and rushed back to Adam. “Adam?”

“Just think about it, yeah?” Adam said. “I know you have several months still on your lease, but I hate what you have to deal with there.  I’ve heard about the shenanigans this month. Rachel is quite freely spreading it all around.  She is the biggest gossip I have ever met. If you were here, you wouldn’t get caught up in their mischief. We could just stick to our own type of carrying-on.”

Kurt smiled.  “I’ll think about it, but I’ll definitely bring stuff over for the rest of the month.”

Adam kissed Kurt. Kurt automatically looked up to see if they were under Mistletoe.

“And another reason for the plant to go.” Adam said. “Kisses aren’t just because anymore.  It is way past time I tossed the stuff.  With it gone you might stop thinking I need a reason to shower you with kisses.”

Kurt kissed Adam and then went humming towards the kitchen.  He really did rather love it at Adam’s apartment.

[readbookywooks]

THE OPEN ROAD

`Ratty,' said the Mole suddenly, one bright summer morning, `if you please, I want to ask you a favour.'

The Rat was sitting on the river bank, singing a little song. He had just composed it himself, so he was very taken up with it, and would not pay proper attention to Mole or anything else. Since early morning he had been swimming in the river, in company with his friends the ducks. And when the ducks stood on their heads suddenly, as ducks will, he would dive down and tickle their necks, just under where their chins would be if ducks had chins, till they were forced to come to the surface again in a hurry, spluttering and angry and shaking their feathers at him, for it is impossible to say quite ALL you feel when your head is under water. At last they implored him to go away and attend to his own affairs and leave them to mind theirs. So the Rat went away, and sat on the river bank in the sun, and made up a song about them, which he called

`DUCKS' DITTY.' All along the backwater, Through the rushes tall, Ducks are a-dabbling, Up tails all!

Ducks' tails, drakes' tails, Yellow feet a-quiver, Yellow bills all out of sight Busy in the river!

Slushy green undergrowth Where the roach swim-- Here we keep our larder, Cool and full and dim.

Everyone for what he likes! WE like to be Heads down, tails up, Dabbling free!

High in the blue above Swifts whirl and call-- WE are down a-dabbling Up tails all!

`I don't know that I think so VERY much of that little song, Rat,' observed the Mole cautiously. He was no poet himself and didn't care who knew it; and he had a candid nature.

`Nor don't the ducks neither,' replied the Rat cheerfully. `They say, "WHY can't fellows be allowed to do what they like WHEN they like and AS they like, instead of other fellows sitting on banks and watching them all the time and making remarks and poetry and things about them? What NONSENSE it all is!" That's what the ducks say.'

`So it is, so it is,' said the Mole, with great heartiness.

`No, it isn't!' cried the Rat indignantly.

`Well then, it isn't, it isn't,' replied the Mole soothingly. `But what I wanted to ask you was, won't you take me to call on Mr. Toad? I've heard so much about him, and I do so want to make his acquaintance.'

`Why, certainly,' said the good-natured Rat, jumping to his feet and dismissing poetry from his mind for the day. `Get the boat out, and we'll paddle up there at once. It's never the wrong time to call on Toad. Early or late he's always the same fellow. Always good-tempered, always glad to see you, always sorry when you go!'

`He must be a very nice animal,' observed the Mole, as he got into the boat and took the sculls, while the Rat settled himself comfortably in the stern.

`He is indeed the best of animals,' replied Rat. `So simple, so good-natured, and so affectionate. Perhaps he's not very clever--we can't all be geniuses; and it may be that he is both boastful and conceited. But he has got some great qualities, has Toady.'

Rounding a bend in the river, they came in sight of a handsome, dignified old house of mellowed red brick, with well-kept lawns reaching down to the water's edge.

`There's Toad Hall,' said the Rat; `and that creek on the left, where the notice-board says, "Private. No landing allowed," leads to his boat-house, where we'll leave the boat. The stables are over there to the right. That's the banqueting-hall you're looking at now--very old, that is. Toad is rather rich, you know, and this is really one of the nicest houses in these parts, though we never admit as much to Toad.'

They glided up the creek, and the Mole slipped his sculls as they passed into the shadow of a large boat-house. Here they saw many handsome boats, slung from the cross beams or hauled up on a slip, but none in the water; and the place had an unused and a deserted air.

The Rat looked around him. `I understand,' said he. `Boating is played out. He's tired of it, and done with it. I wonder what new fad he has taken up now? Come along and let's look him up. We shall hear all about it quite soon enough.'

They disembarked, and strolled across the gay flower-decked lawns in search of Toad, whom they presently happened upon resting in a wicker garden-chair, with a pre-occupied expression of face, and a large map spread out on his knees.

`Hooray!' he cried, jumping up on seeing them, `this is splendid!' He shook the paws of both of them warmly, never waiting for an introduction to the Mole. `How KIND of you!' he went on, dancing round them. `I was just going to send a boat down the river for you, Ratty, with strict orders that you were to be fetched up here at once, whatever you were doing. I want you badly--both of you. Now what will you take? Come inside and have something! You don't know how lucky it is, your turning up just now!'

`Let's sit quiet a bit, Toady!' said the Rat, throwing himself into an easy chair, while the Mole took another by the side of him and made some civil remark about Toad's `delightful residence.'

`Finest house on the whole river,' cried Toad boisterously. `Or anywhere else, for that matter,' he could not help adding.

Here the Rat nudged the Mole. Unfortunately the Toad saw him do it, and turned very red. There was a moment's painful silence. Then Toad burst out laughing. `All right, Ratty,' he said. `It's only my way, you know. And it's not such a very bad house, is it? You know you rather like it yourself. Now, look here. Let's be sensible. You are the very animals I wanted. You've got to help me. It's most important!'

`It's about your rowing, I suppose,' said the Rat, with an innocent air. `You're getting on fairly well, though you splash a good bit still. With a great deal of patience, and any quantity of coaching, you may----'

`O, pooh! boating!' interrupted the Toad, in great disgust. Silly boyish amusement. I've given that up LONG ago. Sheer waste of time, that's what it is. It makes me downright sorry to see you fellows, who ought to know better, spending all your energies in that aimless manner. No, I've discovered the real thing, the only genuine occupation for a life time. I propose to devote the remainder of mine to it, and can only regret the wasted years that lie behind me, squandered in trivialities. Come with me, dear Ratty, and your amiable friend also, if he will be so very good, just as far as the stable-yard, and you shall see what you shall see!'

He led the way to the stable-yard accordingly, the Rat following with a most mistrustful expression; and there, drawn out of the coach house into the open, they saw a gipsy caravan, shining with newness, painted a canary-yellow picked out with green, and red wheels.

`There you are!' cried the Toad, straddling and expanding himself. `There's real life for you, embodied in that little cart. The open road, the dusty highway, the heath, the common, the hedgerows, the rolling downs! Camps, villages, towns, cities! Here to-day, up and off to somewhere else to-morrow! Travel, change, interest, excitement! The whole world before you, and a horizon that's always changing! And mind! this is the very finest cart of its sort that was ever built, without any exception. Come inside and look at the arrangements. Planned 'em all myself, I did!'

The Mole was tremendously interested and excited, and followed him eagerly up the steps and into the interior of the caravan. The Rat only snorted and thrust his hands deep into his pockets, remaining where he was.

It was indeed very compact and comfortable. Little sleeping bunks--a little table that folded up against the wall--a cooking- stove, lockers, bookshelves, a bird-cage with a bird in it; and pots, pans, jugs and kettles of every size and variety.

`All complete!' said the Toad triumphantly, pulling open a locker. `You see--biscuits, potted lobster, sardines--everything you can possibly want. Soda-water here--baccy there--letter- paper, bacon, jam, cards and dominoes--you'll find,' he continued, as they descended the steps again, `you'll find that nothing what ever has been forgotten, when we make our start this afternoon.'

`I beg your pardon,' said the Rat slowly, as he chewed a straw, `but did I overhear you say something about "WE," and "START," and "THIS AFTERNOON?"'

`Now, you dear good old Ratty,' said Toad, imploringly, `don't begin talking in that stiff and sniffy sort of way, because you know you've GOT to come. I can't possibly manage without you, so please consider it settled, and don't argue--it's the one thing I can't stand. You surely don't mean to stick to your dull fusty old river all your life, and just live in a hole in a bank, and BOAT? I want to show you the world! I'm going to make an ANIMAL of you, my boy!'

`I don't care,' said the Rat, doggedly. `I'm not coming, and that's flat. And I AM going to stick to my old river, AND live in a hole, AND boat, as I've always done. And what's more, Mole's going to stick me and do as I do, aren't you, Mole?'

`Of course I am,' said the Mole, loyally. `I'll always stick to you, Rat, and what you say is to be--has got to be. All the same, it sounds as if it might have been--well, rather fun, you know!' he added, wistfully. Poor Mole! The Life Adventurous was so new a thing to him, and so thrilling; and this fresh aspect of it was so tempting; and he had fallen in love at first sight with the canary-coloured cart and all its little fitments.

The Rat saw what was passing in his mind, and wavered. He hated disappointing people, and he was fond of the Mole, and would do almost anything to oblige him. Toad was watching both of them closely.

`Come along in, and have some lunch,' he said, diplomatically, `and we'll talk it over. We needn't decide anything in a hurry. Of course, I don't really care. I only want to give pleasure to you fellows. "Live for others!" That's my motto in life.'

During luncheon--which was excellent, of course, as everything at Toad Hall always was--the Toad simply let himself go. Disregarding the Rat, he proceeded to play upon the inexperienced Mole as on a harp. Naturally a voluble animal, and always mastered by his imagination, he painted the prospects of the trip and the joys of the open life and the roadside in such glowing colours that the Mole could hardly sit in his chair for excitement. Somehow, it soon seemed taken for granted by all three of them that the trip was a settled thing; and the Rat, though still unconvinced in his mind, allowed his good-nature to over-ride his personal objections. He could not bear to disappoint his two friends, who were already deep in schemes and anticipations, planning out each day's separate occupation for several weeks ahead.

When they were quite ready, the now triumphant Toad led his companions to the paddock and set them to capture the old grey horse, who, without having been consulted, and to his own extreme annoyance, had been told off by Toad for the dustiest job in this dusty expedition. He frankly preferred the paddock, and took a deal of catching. Meantime Toad packed the lockers still tighter with necessaries, and hung nosebags, nets of onions, bundles of hay, and baskets from the bottom of the cart. At last the horse was caught and harnessed, and they set off, all talking at once, each animal either trudging by the side of the cart or sitting on the shaft, as the humour took him. It was a golden afternoon. The smell of the dust they kicked up was rich and satisfying; out of thick orchards on either side the road, birds called and whistled to them cheerily; good-natured wayfarers, passing them, gave them `Good-day,' or stopped to say nice things about their beautiful cart; and rabbits, sitting at their front doors in the hedgerows, held up their fore-paws, and said, `O my! O my! O my!'

Late in the evening, tired and happy and miles from home, they drew up on a remote common far from habitations, turned the horse loose to graze, and ate their simple supper sitting on the grass by the side of the cart. Toad talked big about all he was going to do in the days to come, while stars grew fuller and larger all around them, and a yellow moon, appearing suddenly and silently from nowhere in particular, came to keep them company and listen to their talk. At last they turned in to their little bunks in the cart; and Toad, kicking out his legs, sleepily said, `Well, good night, you fellows! This is the real life for a gentleman! Talk about your old river!'

`I DON'T talk about my river,' replied the patient Rat. `You KNOW I don't, Toad. But I THINK about it,' he added pathetically, in a lower tone: `I think about it--all the time!'

The Mole reached out from under his blanket, felt for the Rat's paw in the darkness, and gave it a squeeze. `I'll do whatever you like, Ratty,' he whispered. `Shall we run away to-morrow morning, quite early--VERY early--and go back to our dear old hole on the river?'

`No, no, we'll see it out,' whispered back the Rat. `Thanks awfully, but I ought to stick by Toad till this trip is ended. It wouldn't be safe for him to be left to himself. It won't take very long. His fads never do. Good night!'

The end was indeed nearer than even the Rat suspected.

After so much open air and excitement the Toad slept very soundly, and no amount of shaking could rouse him out of bed next morning. So the Mole and Rat turned to, quietly and manfully, and while the Rat saw to the horse, and lit a fire, and cleaned last night's cups and platters, and got things ready for breakfast, the Mole trudged off to the nearest village, a long way off, for milk and eggs and various necessaries the Toad had, of course, forgotten to provide. The hard work had all been done, and the two animals were resting, thoroughly exhausted, by the time Toad appeared on the scene, fresh and gay, remarking what a pleasant easy life it was they were all leading now, after the cares and worries and fatigues of housekeeping at home.

They had a pleasant ramble that day over grassy downs and along narrow by-lanes, and camped as before, on a common, only this time the two guests took care that Toad should do his fair share of work. In consequence, when the time came for starting next morning, Toad was by no means so rapturous about the simplicity of the primitive life, and indeed attempted to resume his place in his bunk, whence he was hauled by force. Their way lay, as before, across country by narrow lanes, and it was not till the afternoon that they came out on the high-road, their first high- road; and there disaster, fleet and unforeseen, sprang out on them--disaster momentous indeed to their expedition, but simply overwhelming in its effect on the after-career of Toad.

They were strolling along the high-road easily, the Mole by the horse's head, talking to him, since the horse had complained that he was being frightfully left out of it, and nobody considered him in the least; the Toad and the Water Rat walking behind the cart talking together--at least Toad was talking, and Rat was saying at intervals, `Yes, precisely; and what did YOU say to HIM?'--and thinking all the time of something very different, when far behind them they heard a faint warning hum; like the drone of a distant bee. Glancing back, they saw a small cloud of dust, with a dark centre of energy, advancing on them at incredible speed, while from out the dust a faint `Poop-poop!' wailed like an uneasy animal in pain. Hardly regarding it, they turned to resume their conversation, when in an instant (as it seemed) the peaceful scene was changed, and with a blast of wind and a whirl of sound that made them jump for the nearest ditch, It was on them! The `Poop-poop' rang with a brazen shout in their ears, they had a moment's glimpse of an interior of glittering plate-glass and rich morocco, and the magnificent motor-car, immense, breath-snatching, passionate, with its pilot tense and hugging his wheel, possessed all earth and air for the fraction of a second, flung an enveloping cloud of dust that blinded and enwrapped them utterly, and then dwindled to a speck in the far distance, changed back into a droning bee once more.

The old grey horse, dreaming, as he plodded along, of his quiet paddock, in a new raw situation such as this simply abandoned himself to his natural emotions. Rearing, plunging, backing steadily, in spite of all the Mole's efforts at his head, and all the Mole's lively language directed at his better feelings, he drove the cart backwards towards the deep ditch at the side of the road. It wavered an instant--then there was a heartrending crash--and the canary-coloured cart, their pride and their joy, lay on its side in the ditch, an irredeemable wreck.

The Rat danced up and down in the road, simply transported with passion. `You villains!' he shouted, shaking both fists, `You scoundrels, you highwaymen, you--you--roadhogs!--I'll have the law of you! I'll report you! I'll take you through all the Courts!' His home-sickness had quite slipped away from him, and for the moment he was the skipper of the canary-coloured vessel driven on a shoal by the reckless jockeying of rival mariners, and he was trying to recollect all the fine and biting things he used to say to masters of steam-launches when their wash, as they drove too near the bank, used to flood his parlour- carpet at home.

Toad sat straight down in the middle of the dusty road, his legs stretched out before him, and stared fixedly in the direction of the disappearing motor-car. He breathed short, his face wore a placid satisfied expression, and at intervals he faintly murmured `Poop-poop!'

The Mole was busy trying to quiet the horse, which he succeeded in doing after a time. Then he went to look at the cart, on its side in the ditch. It was indeed a sorry sight. Panels and windows smashed, axles hopelessly bent, one wheel off, sardine- tins scattered over the wide world, and the bird in the bird-cage sobbing pitifully and calling to be let out.

The Rat came to help him, but their united efforts were not sufficient to right the cart. `Hi! Toad!' they cried. `Come and bear a hand, can't you!'

The Toad never answered a word, or budged from his seat in the road; so they went to see what was the matter with him. They found him in a sort of a trance, a happy smile on his face, his eyes still fixed on the dusty wake of their destroyer. At intervals he was still heard to murmur `Poop-poop!'

The Rat shook him by the shoulder. `Are you coming to help us, Toad?' he demanded sternly.

`Glorious, stirring sight!' murmured Toad, never offering to move. `The poetry of motion! The REAL way to travel! The ONLY way to travel! Here to-day--in next week to-morrow! Villages skipped, towns and cities jumped--always somebody else's horizon! O bliss! O poop-poop! O my! O my!'

`O STOP being an ass, Toad!' cried the Mole despairingly.

`And to think I never KNEW!' went on the Toad in a dreamy monotone. `All those wasted years that lie behind me, I never knew, never even DREAMT! But NOW--but now that I know, now that I fully realise! O what a flowery track lies spread before me, henceforth! What dust-clouds shall spring up behind me as I speed on my reckless way! What carts I shall fling carelessly into the ditch in the wake of my magnificent onset! Horrid little carts--common carts--canary-coloured carts!'

`What are we to do with him?' asked the Mole of the Water Rat.

`Nothing at all,' replied the Rat firmly. `Because there is really nothing to be done. You see, I know him from of old. He is now possessed. He has got a new craze, and it always takes him that way, in its first stage. He'll continue like that for days now, like an animal walking in a happy dream, quite useless for all practical purposes. Never mind him. Let's go and see what there is to be done about the cart.'

A careful inspection showed them that, even if they succeeded in righting it by themselves, the cart would travel no longer. The axles were in a hopeless state, and the missing wheel was shattered into pieces.

The Rat knotted the horse's reins over his back and took him by the head, carrying the bird cage and its hysterical occupant in the other hand. `Come on!' he said grimly to the Mole. `It's five or six miles to the nearest town, and we shall just have to walk it. The sooner we make a start the better.'

`But what about Toad?' asked the Mole anxiously, as they set off together. `We can't leave him here, sitting in the middle of the road by himself, in the distracted state he's in! It's not safe. Supposing another Thing were to come along?'

`O, BOTHER Toad,' said the Rat savagely; `I've done with him!'

They had not proceeded very far on their way, however, when there was a pattering of feet behind them, and Toad caught them up and thrust a paw inside the elbow of each of them; still breathing short and staring into vacancy.

`Now, look here, Toad!' said the Rat sharply: `as soon as we get to the town, you'll have to go straight to the police-station, and see if they know anything about that motor-car and who it belongs to, and lodge a complaint against it. And then you'll have to go to a blacksmith's or a wheelwright's and arrange for the cart to be fetched and mended and put to rights. It'll take time, but it's not quite a hopeless smash. Meanwhile, the Mole and I will go to an inn and find comfortable rooms where we can stay till the cart's ready, and till your nerves have recovered their shock.'

`Police-station! Complaint!'murmured Toad dreamily. `Me COMPLAIN of that beautiful, that heavenly vision that has been vouchsafed me! MEND THE CART! I've done with carts for ever. I never want to see the cart, or to hear of it, again. O, Ratty! You can't think how obliged I am to you for consenting to come on this trip! I wouldn't have gone without you, and then I might never have seen that--that swan, that sunbeam, that thunderbolt! I might never have heard that entrancing sound, or smelt that bewitching smell! I owe it all to you, my best of friends!'

The Rat turned from him in despair. `You see what it is?' he said to the Mole, addressing him across Toad's head: `He's quite hopeless. I give it up--when we get to the town we'll go to the railway station, and with luck we may pick up a train there that'll get us back to riverbank to-night. And if ever you catch me going a-pleasuring with this provoking animal again!'

He snorted, and during the rest of that weary trudge addressed his remarks exclusively to Mole.

On reaching the town they went straight to the station and deposited Toad in the second-class waiting-room, giving a porter twopence to keep a strict eye on him. They then left the horse at an inn stable, and gave what directions they could about the cart and its contents. Eventually, a slow train having landed them at a station not very far from Toad Hall, they escorted the spell-bound, sleep-walking Toad to his door, put him inside it, and instructed his housekeeper to feed him, undress him, and put him to bed. Then they got out their boat from the boat-house, sculled down the river home, and at a very late hour sat down to supper in their own cosy riverside parlour, to the Rat's great joy and contentment.

The following evening the Mole, who had risen late and taken things very easy all day, was sitting on the bank fishing, when the Rat, who had been looking up his friends and gossiping, came strolling along to find him. `Heard the news?' he said. `There's nothing else being talked about, all along the river bank. Toad went up to Town by an early train this morning. And he has ordered a large and very expensive motor-car.'