#i think he only does that to hypno and the decked out ravagers

[horse-head-farms]

has anyone talked about jevin calling hypno “baby” in stat poker or did we all just ignore that

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

Scattered AU Masterpost Part 2 [COMPLETE]

Due to post length limit (which is apparently a thing), this AU has been split into two parts. Find Part 1 here!

Join the Discord server here!

Contributions:

- Mumbo has a pet ravager miscellaneous ideas: the ravager is actually a bit small as far as ravagers go. Once Mumbo leaves to go to the hermits, he doesnt take the ravager with him, for fear the environment wouldn't be right for it. However, the ravager follows him and Iskall, startling both when it comes running up to Mumbo. The ravager does not like any of the hermits, however it doesn't attack them because it can understand that Mumbo cares about them. - anonymous

- related to scattered au and "what if this happened to old hermits too" -- python's stuck in a death loop in a bastion (his spawn is right next to a piglin brute). he has no clue what's going on but by god, does he blame zloy - Anonymous

- Consider: Etho's mask protecting him from the flowers that gave Hypno so much trouble. - @/rayveewrites

- (Scattered AU) After Etho dies accidentally at the spawn haven, his spawn takes him to Xisuma. Xisuma is clinging to life when he gets there, and Etho only has time to grab his admin's arms and promise he'll be found before Xisuma passes away. Etho and Xisuma get a few hours together to work on getting Xisuma to the surface before Etho starves to death, and he's transported somewhere else. After that Etho makes it his mission to cycle through spawns as quickly as possible to help Xisuma and anyone else who is trapped in their spawn graveyard, no matter how much his legs start to fail him from the damage starting to linger from building into the sky and leaping off to respawn over and over. - @/petrichormeraki

- Some honorable mentions from my written summary for mumbo in the au: the illigers being terrified as he keeps coming back no matter how many times they kill him; he gets adopted by evoker; he fails at evoker magic, like so bad he cant even dye a sheep; the evoker being so done with mumbo that they beg the vex to give him magic; mumbo summoning scar when the vex get annoyed at how often he summons them, mumbo eventually summoning bdubs after scar's contract to mumbo runs out.... and so much more - @/therainofsweetmelody

- Moobloom!Hypno attracts bees - @/itsabork

- Not too long into his messenger journey, etho remembers what had happened to impulse by the time he, zed and tango had found him, which inspires him to try and die in a different way each time he sets off to find another hermit, partly to avoid becoming resiliant to certain death methods and partly for the challenge - Anonymous

- Because Doc hasn't died his death messages haven't been showing up in the chat. The other hermits don't know if he's even in the same world as them. - Anonymous

- (Scattered AU) More on the Mumbo accidentally summoning Scar thing; the summoning has "opened" the chat for them, but only between Mumbo and Scar. All evokers can call on their Vex, after all, so why not an evoker in more-or-less training? - @/petrichormeraki

- (alternate headcanon) There's so much discussion in the server, I wouldn't know where to start restating. However, I wanna mention one thing: scar spawning in xisuma's first spawn, deep in a geode down under ground. Being trapped in an endless death loop due to the warden lurking just outside the geode, forcing scar into the same loop xisuma had been trapped in so long ago. Not only does he have to deal with the separation from bdubs once they got out of the end, now he seemingly cant escape the warden's clutches.... - @/therainofsweetmelody

- Admins log who knows how long: I've finally managed to get my helmet some repairs with this I could get some plugins to start working hopefully. Considering the situation going on, I better not have derped to hard on this, not now. - Anonymous (singleplayer sleep now works)

- (Scattered AU) Because the code is glitchy for mob hermita, Jevin would spilt when injured too much. So while X and Jevin are trying to get to the surface, they encounter a dungeon or a mineshaft and Jevin gets fatally injured. X starts freaking out cause he doesent want to be alone again and he cant bear to watch Jevin die infront of him and risk getting lost and seperated and Jevin just splits, theres two Jevins now and X doesent know what to think of it.While there are two Jevins, their consienceness is split between the two and his motor skills are more sloppy and X notices and realises that Jevin loses more of himself the more he splits. So while he has a lower chance of losing Jevin to an unfortunate accident, Jevin slowly reverts to a slime the more be splits and the more be spends time as multiple entities. X worries that if Jevin splits for too long or too much, he might lose Jevin - @/itsabork

- The only portal to get out of Hels and into the overworld is an incredibly complex vault boarder line weapon built by Hels Doc and Hels Mumbo and the location of the portal is known only to a few and it changes every season. Now cue Helsknight and Wels sneaking all around Hels while trying to look for this basically impossible to find and get into way home. - anonymous

- It takes a while, but eventually those outside of hermitcraft start wondering why all the hermits collectively disappeared. Sure, they started a new world, and sure they’re usually more secluded, but it’s been months. Skizz wonders why he hasn’t heard from Impulse in a while. All the legates wonder where Python went. Everyone’s confused when none of the hermits turn up to the next MCC. Things get weirder when none of them sign up for the one after. -🟣

- Ok to add on to the daisy ravenger post, on his way to 0,0 Mumbo found spawn spawn, slo when he arrived everyone had him at sword point, expecting angry illiger noises they were surprised when they herd "GUYS IT'S ME!!" - Anonymous

(Note: Hermits at the haven currently include Joe, Beef, Hypno, Scar, Bdubs, TFC, Mumbo, and Iskall, in order of arrival. XB is en route, and Etho was there briefly before dying and respawning elsewhere.)

- Pix and Zloy would be the first to notice the hermits' absence. After all, they do a weekly show about them. Maybe they just decided to have a few weeks of downtime before moving to the next Season? Though surely it wouldn't take this long... - @/rayveewrites

- because im a legacy sucker, the legates would likely be the first to notice the hermits' disappearance. between zloy being on the server, skizz being part of zits and very close to impulse, pearl knowing a few hermits, plus python literally disappearing. what they'd do about it? no idea.to keep it more on the topic of hermits though, don't think about how devastated skizz would be to find out what impulse went through. don't think about it :) - anonymous

- Hello I have produced thoughts! I don’t have room for both so I’m sending 2 asks -when Iskall arrives at the mansion all of the illagers are wary; if one of mumbo’s friends are here then he must be leaving soon. Despite their initial feelings they’ve come to care about this idiot that wandered into their house, and they’re fully aware he has no survival instincts whatsoever, so when he does end up leaving they send a ravager to keep him (and his friends, they suppose) safe -@/haworthiaace

- so like... hear me out ok what if the reason the whole world is corrupting and weird and why a lot of people are like slowly turning into mobs is because maybe this is the way the game and the mobs are turning on the hermits for like making really inhumane farms or something like that and the mobs somehow messed with the code of the world to get revenge - anonymous

- Scattered AU!! Biffa spawned very concerned and on a beach. Where is he? How did he get here? Is he alone? Well one of his questions was answered quickly as he heard a constant buzzing sound come from his communicator, upon opening it he saw probably millions of death messages. He quickly realised this was probably supposed to be a new season of hermitcraft, but he didn't really have time to think about it, night was quickly approaching and he could already see drowned swimming towards him. - Anonymous

- How many times did X die to that Warden? Maybe he develops something to counteract the Warden’s sensors, or that his heartbeat slowed down to the point that his suit can barely pick it up (therefor making it harder for the Warden to track Xisuma down). -🦊

- Etho tried his best to fight the system and not get any new features from all his deaths. But, the game has its ways. Slowly, after every death he has, the less alive he comes back. (Undead!Etho, could be ghost, zombie variant, or skeleton variant) -@/harley-the-pancake

- Other hybrid characteristics Hypno gets of the moonbloom: His ears turn into golden cows ones, the horns grow in, he gets a tail, and little flowers grow though his hair and wrap around his horns. He can also grow flowers around him as long as he has dirt, but thankfully they dont do anything beyond smelling a lot stronger and smelling very nice (and maybe a bit of evoking certain reactions, but nothing beyond what normal flowers can do, ie lavender being calming, just a bit more intense) - anonymous

- Beetlejhost ended up in the world along with the hermits, spawning as if summoned: in the middle of a circle of beehives. His spawn is in the birch forest near the s8 spawn, and his presence spooks anyone who stumbles across him. He blends in concerningly well with the black and white of the forest. Beef feels like hes being watched whenever he goes in the birch forest to get supplies, but joe never notices a thing. He teases the hybrids about their changes, leading him to get swiftly decked- - @/therainofsweetmelody

- beetlejhost spawns in a circle of beehives in the birch forest near spawn. he thinks he's invis, in reality it's just his stripes making him blend into the birch trees. he can't leave the circle of bees, ah how wonderful it is to bee bee-tlejhost - @/justme123abz

- Beetlejhost doesn't mean to be mean, really, he just has really, really bad timing. This includes seeing a pollen-stained Hypno and, with his gravelly voice, immediately say "Woah! Someone had some fun in the sun! Tell me, did you spend a week rolling in dandilions or do you just like the color yellow?" This does not go over well - Anonymous

- Speaking of hybrids, Xisuma spawned in a Wardens den right? Well unlike the other hybrids, Xisuma has been changing too but its been slow. Every time he spawned back in that place, on the warped ground, he's changed. He doenst notice the dark starts to seem less dark, until noises get louder, until he's more sentive to it then he noticed, he gets stronger and breaking though the stone with his bare hands seems a bit easier, its not until he finds Jevin and he points out the glowing horns (1)peaking from his temples when his hair is pulled back hastily that he realizes that something has gone horribly wrong with him. Thankfully Jevin helps ground him before he can freak out, so he shelves it for later, once they're out of this cave. The warden that once was down by his spawn is no longer there btw, disappeared. The horns grow slowly, and soon glowing vein like markings appear as well. (2) - Anonymous

- Okay, Xisuma, we established he spawned in the deep dark, right? As time goes on he adapts to the dark. The skulk sensors grow on him. However as time goes on, they not only grow on him, but become a part of him. His footsteps quiet to near silence, and he can feel sounds. He certainly isn't how he was when he entered, at first glance he might even be mistaken for a warden. - Anonymous

- Tango is the only hermit other than Mumbo Daisy kind of likes. Tango thinks Daisy is absolutely adorable, and Daisy does like the positive attention(and the treats). - Anonymous

- When tango meets mumbo’s pet ravager he loses his mind, he tried so hard to get the decked out ravagers to like him and then mumbo just waltzes in riding on one of the things! He ends up hanging around her a lot and eventually forms some sort of relationship, although not as close as he would like (he also gets a little more sympathetic once he sees the effects the evokers had on mumbo, he figures the guy earned a pet ravager) - @/haworthiaace

(Hermits now at the spawn haven, in order of arrival: Joe, Beef, Hypno, Scar, Bdubs, TFC, Mumbo, Iskall, Tango, Impulse, Zedaph. XB is en route, Wels and Hels are traveling through Hels to get there, Ren, Doc, and Grian are attempting to get there but their success has been limited so far)

- Scattered!AU: Idea that Ex is the ONLY one that knows what is going on and how to fix it perhaps (maybe 'cause of having been banished to the void for so long)? That's why he's trying to find X. - Anonymous

- Admins log: day 1006: Me and Jevin finally see sunlight, and I've managed to get the clock function on my helmet working, finally. As we're on our way to the surface, I only hope that I can find someone or something to help guide us to where we need to go, but unfortunately I've lost all signal to chat, and I think we're next to a woodland mansion. I think I've derped up this time.

- Dear Xisuma, if you see this message then the log is working, also fixed the clock in your helmet it's been 50 days, not 1005. I was about to leave with Iskall when I noticed you and Jevin outside with a few, erm, "buddies" of mine you two where passed out and I managed to stop them from killing you with Daisy, my pet ravenger. I'll explain everything later and spawns in the village are working, finally. I recommend not moving much and work on the data packs for a bit before you do anything elseExplanation log to Xisuma part 2: Sorry if the last one got cut off abruptly, apparently there's a limit to these messages. Any way please take care of yourself. Sincerely, your pal Mumbo Jumbo

- Admins log, day 51: I first want to say thank you Mumbo for bringing me up to speed and explaining why and how me and Jevin are here, next I want to say that these logs may slow down for a bit, I'll be working on some maintenance for some packs. I still don't know why this is happening, I now hope this is a wicked nightmare and not our reality. Hang on I see something over there it looks like, wait let me ju- Voice logs are off for the moment.

- all one anon

- mooblooms spread the flowers that enraptured hypno. now that hypno is a moobloom hybrid, he can make people "hypnotizd"! he doesnt like to, but if the spawn ever gets attacked, the hermits are winning easily. - anonymous

- I like to think that at some point when there's a significant number of healthy hermits at 0,0 they start group searches to find the rest of hermits - anonymous

- After awhile, if they can't change the spawn of everyone, they begin securing all the spawn points to everyone, so if their bed is ever destroyed in the future, they won't end up in a death loop again. They secure the death loop spawn points first. - @/ciaravixen

- For undead Etho: I know that ghasts aren't technically undead mobs, but they're basically ghosts and that's what I feel etho is becoming?He's leaving his mortality behind bit by bit as he ceases to care about death and starts to use it as a tool instead.One day he'll respawn without a body at all - @/draconic-dreams

- This is just a thought. Sand cant be good for Iskall's mechanical parts, and its not like he has anything to fix it. Does he have to wait to find doc to be able to have hope of fixing himself? - anonymous

- Jellie had spawned in the village that cub and xb had come across, so when xb heads to 0,0 he takes her with him (she'd be safer in the overworld than in the end, after all). Its quite a long journey, and she makes for good company. -@/supertiny-tins

- Grian, Doc, and Ren fianlly start heading out to 0,0. Its a long journey, they decide in the end to leave their beds behind at the cabin in case any of them die so none of them end back at their orginal spawns. they would of just made new beds every time but the lack of suplies and resources near by has been low oddly enough. Doc manages to push aside most of his fears to help Grian and Ren, who are weaker, but he keeps his distance whenever he can. They make many hastily built huts as they go 1most nights are spent sleeping on hard ground, later straight up blocks of wool they find but not beds, just wool is better then ground, and it doesn't do the weaker hermits any favors but it works. There are many close calls, but they manage to avoid death, mostly due to Doc. Along the way they start to find signs of other players, coble in places it shouldn't, a rare torch, half mined trees, but no hermits. They still have a way to go, but they're getting closer to the others and safety. 2 - anonymous

- Etho once found himself spawning in the middle of an ocean with nothing and no one in sight except of course... A faint trail of lights dancing beneath the waves... Pulsing and glimmering, almost in a rhythm, something so fascinating, so... So... He was meant to be doing something...? It was... Important... At least... It might have been... It's all.. Kinda hazy... It couldn't have been more important than the lights, nothing was more important than the lights... They were so beautiful... He could watch them all day... Etho never noticed how he slipped beneath the waves, nor how the glow squid's glittering eyes had turned upon him, coiling a tentacle around his waist as it dragged its prey deep into the depths, his eyes hazed with green, he never even noticed his lungs burning for air.And he never remembered drowning after he respawned. - anonymous

- Impulse actually punches through the Nether roof so they can traverse more safely to coordinates given to them by Etho. They leave trails of blocks so they can make their way back, of course. - @/rayveewrites

(Evil X is now hiding out in a cave near spawn)

- Shattered!AU: I see everyone's Warden!Xisuma heacannons and I give you Axolotl!Xisuma. Think about it he's been hanging around with them and Jevin in the lush caves so maybe he's becoming more like them. (Frills, a more pink-ish tint to his skin, the ability to breathe underwater, etc.) :D (Is this because the thought of him having Warden traits is terrifying to me? Maybe. Is it because I think he deserves to become something not scary after his whole ordeal in the Deep Dark? Yes.) - anonymous

- Ever since getting out of the loop, Impulse has had a horrible inner conflict between his guardian side being instinctually drawn to the water, and his human brain being deeply terrified of ever being submerged again. - @/asexualbert

- Because I absolutely adore Daisy, more headcannons for Daisy.Daisy will occasionally just pick Mumbo up gently with her horns when she thinks she isn't getting enough attention. Daisy has a bell collar, because she kept scaring hermits by following Mumbo silently. Daisy is more okay with Iskall than most other hermits, though still doesn't really like him. - anonymous

- Though I'm a sucker for angst, what if Impulse was saved by a dolphin pod or something instead of transforming into a hybrid (or after transforming if Guardian!Impulse is cannon). :3 I can picture dolphins don't take kindly to the Guardian Mobs, might even find them as prey if anything since they're fish. (Guardian!Impulse wouldn't count since they're smart enough creatures to tell the difference.) - anonymous

- Prob a bit early for epilogue stuff but I like to think that, once all the glitches are fixed, that those that became hybrids and would prefer to be back to normal get changed back. - anonymous

(Shade note: Personally, I'm a sucker for stories where the characters adjust and learn to live with the unexpected changes to themselves rather than having them magically fixed, but this option is certainly still here for the people who find it appealing)

- For the scattered au, after the numerous frozen deaths Grian's gone through he starts hearing voices from the snow, even from within Ren's cabin. A snow golem forms after a wandering trader drops a pumpkin and watches from outside the cabin, deciding to guard the place after taking a liking to Grian and Ren. - anonymous

- When Etho became fully ghost, it hit hard. BeetleJhost saw this, and after a while decided to teach him how to show his form and speak. It takes a lot out of him, but it’s worth it. His friends deserve that closure. (Listen, I was expecting angst, I just wasn’t expecting that much angst.) - @/harley-the-pancake

- Mod Shade, I want you to know that angsting ghost!Etho that hard was entirely on you. I was picturing him clipping through blocks and dropping items at inconvenient points, not fading out of existence entirely. - @/draconic-dreams

- Possible explanation for everything going on in Scattered:Players were never supposed to be so powerful; in the natural state of Minecraft they're just another mob, albiet one that can craft and use any tool.But the Players weren't satisfied with that. Everyone from the admin of the smallest server to the mythological ‘dev team’ has been imposing little changes on the world since its inception, slowly tweaking it into a better environment for Player-kind.A single spawn at the world's centre. The ability of Players to chat from one end of the world to another -- even across different worlds. Even natural regeneration, an ability unique to the rarest and most powerful of mobs. As time marched on, Players not only unlocked these things but began to take them for granted, drawing far away from the behaviour of normal mobs. This became normal. Players continued to create datapacks and run commands that tweaked the very nature of the world. -@/draconic-dreams

(Shade note: Perhaps it was just a random glitch, one fundamental line of code removed to shift the balance of power. Or maybe it was orchestrated, but by who and for what purpose? Either way, it will take the Hermits a while to realize this, and even longer to fix it...if they can at all.)

- Jessasin spawned in a mesa biome, of course he's confused on how he got there and why he's in this random vanilla world and not his usual modded world, but both questions got pushed aside when the death messeges arrive. He exploared the area gathering as much recourses as he can and goes off too find someone, anyone really. - @/ghan-does-things

- hello! I discovered the scattered au literally yesterday so sorry if this is something that has already been gone over but I had an idea about bdubs, what if his constant exposure to the void and surviving on nothing but chorus fruit for who knows how long made him slightly enderman-y? 1/2 (sorry, couldn't fit the whole thing in one ask)Like nothing obvious at first, but making eye contact makes him agitated and snappy, touching water makes his skin tingle and if you look at him in the dark his eyes seem to have a very faint pink/purple glow about them? Maybe the other hermits swear he's taller than he was the last time they saw him? And the tips of his fingers are blackened, he assumes due to frostbite, but it seems to gradually be making it's way further up his hands? again sorry if this has been gone over already 2/2 - @/plantichu

- Okay so after Welsknight and Helsknight manage to get past the crazy vault door in Hels, not sure how but it probably involved a lot of cussing on Hels part and Wels saying that he never wanted to look at redstone ever again. The portal takes them to the overworld near Xisuma and Jevin. - anonymous

- (scattered au) The first set of non hermits to join this corrupt world are two strangers that apparently came from infinity's grasp. The good news they both spawned at spawn, bad news the brought the tnt duper flying machines, good news that everyone was able to calm them both down. Now the fun begins. Tldr Illmango and Methodz finally get out of the infinity portal. - anonymous

- Loving the Scattered AU. Late to the party, but was looking at the wider MC community reaction to the Hermits vanishing. Once it's clear something bad's happened, would the Legacy crew and whoever else (former Evo squad members like Martyn and Jimmy as well, if they notice Grian go dark) take steps to find out what happened? Would they go to the MCC server (it's kind of a nexus between worlds) & get Noxcrew to try "pinging" the HC server? Would X & other admins see it but be unable to respond? - @/wixelt

- I dont know if anyone has mentioned it but uhhhh, guardian xb? he was a guardian hybrid before everyone got scattered like Ren was already a wolf/dog hybrid. iirc xb spawned in a desert which would be a very interesting place for a guardian hybrid to spawn - anonymous

- Etho has been so, so desperate to avoid dying the same way twice, to stay himself. He hasn't drowned that many times, he thinks. Surely, surely he's starved more often? There's a strange feeling of deja vu hanging over him when he respawns in the ocean, though he can never understand why. Each time the squid finds him, he drowns a little slower, and each time, he glows a little stronger.And he just can't understand, almost refuses to, as he treks from biome to biome, where the small green bumps that line his arms and face came from, how his fingertips seem to almost glow when he scoops a handful of water, how long he finds himself simply staring… at the moon, at sea lanterns, at torches, at lights… He would die a different way every time. He had to. He had to stay Etho. He would not become anything else. - Anonymous

- When Mumbo comes riding into camp on Daisy, it’s easy to see Impulse is not happy about the ravager being there. That’s expected, it’s not exactly everyone’s favorite mob to see around a safe haven. But when Mumbo and Impulse make eye contact, the evoker can’t help but make a simple warding gesture his friends at the mansion taught him- it’s a reflex move. Days later, Mumbo still isn’t sure if Impulse flinched because of Daisy’s sudden growl or his ward. - @/fluffy-papaya

- (From the Discord) What happened to the world: For years, seeds and the land they built had been carefully curated by those known as players, in an effort to make it both easier and more interesting for themselves. But the land doesnt want to be controlled. Their glitched, broken world is a result of the world itself rioting against their presence. Coordinates aren't visible with the debug screen, their coms only serve the world, to tell the players what it knows. Compasses spin wildly in the overworld, for there is no "world spawn" (though coordinates are visible with one in hand. Small mercies are still given). The world resists any further changes by the simple fact it refuses to accept what a hermit communicates. Maybe it's fixable, but maybe... maybe it runs deeper than just their world. (The Legates caused a lot of damage with all those withers, after all.) - @/basaltdragon

- While Iskall is in the desert, he ends up dying quite a few times, enough to adapt, he becomes like a stray, so now, if we have skeleton Etho, we have 3 undead hermits - anonymous

- When everyone is finally gathered and they manage to come together to use all their skills, new and old, the hermits use it to flee back to Season 7. They stay there for months, mostly to heal and adjust to what happened to them. (Trauma isn't easy) Those who have friends or family off server get invited to visit, but the hermits don't leave, they nearly lost each other and they aren't willing to risk it again right now. They'll make a new season 8 at some point, the hermits are too (1/3)restless and too ingrained in their ways to completely disregard how they've always done things, but that will come when they feel better, safer, more put together, when they can finally stop sleeping in a big pile becuase they're afraid the others will disappear. They never go back to that old glitched world, the idea makes them sick, and X starts the new practice of sending in the 'Cam' and/or 'alt' accounts in first to check out the world and set up commands and plugins remotely first. (2/3) What happened before will never, ever happen again he swears it. Next time they might not be so lucky after all [if you can call them all being traumatized, many of them dying over and over again, some being permanently altered, and barely escaping lucky] (also feel free to save these asks for near the end of the au!) (3/3) - anonymous (Shade note: I personally like the idea of them fixing and learning to live in the glitched-out world, but this is another alternate ending!)

- (From the Discord) What happened to the world: Alternatively, what happened is exclusive to their world. (I don't have Dramatic Storytelling for this one, sorry) EX has ADHD to the max, and everything he does is a desperate attempt to get Noticed, to get looked up to and listened to. He's known it was "wrong" for a while, hence why he took X's name and added "Evil", but he never seriously wanted them to hurt. Just to listen to him. He'd meant to come in and fix it all and finally be a hero. He didn't realize, either through haste or inexperience, that he too would be at the mercy of what he'd done.Maybe he does, eventually, make it to where the hermits have gathered. But does he really want to admit everything? (RSD had burned him before, and if there ever was something to place the blame on his head...) - @/basaltdragon

- lasting effects of deaths

- a large amount of assorted ideas

- The bell they put on Daisy was originally of the type that are put on cats, but Grian ended up switching it out with a cowbell because he hated the sound - anonymous

- False, Keralis, Cleo, and Stress make it to spawn, bedraggled and exhausted. Out of all the Hermits, they are some of the last to arrive. Along the way, they’ve encountered trials innumerable that have left them beaten and bruised, but after months of travel, they’ve finally made it.Shortly after leaving the Moobloom field, they came upon an abandoned cart in the middle of a desolate village. With some of the redstone they had found and whatever magic they managed to scrape up, they turned it into a sort of vehicle that allowed them to travel much faster. It had a habit of breaking every six seconds or so, but nothing they couldn’t fix. For the most part. A few accidental combustions aside, they crossed the server in record time.Once at spawn, False has to be forcibly restrained from immediately starting guard duty, and several of the Hermits have to physically wrestle her into a bed in order for her to get some rest. Stress starts up a potion factory the next day, and also starts decorating the spawn with the flowers she’s collected during their travels. Keralis helps out wherever he’s needed, but in his downtime, he constructs an elaborate warren of tastefully decorated, industrial tunnels under the spawn, just in case they might help. Cleo mostly just stays in bed, creating elaborate dioramas and mourning the loss of her zombie side. She’ll get better, but it’ll take some time. And that’s ok with the rest of them. - @/topazastral

- When Doc, Grian, and Ren finally make it to 0,0 there is no fanfare, no dramtic entrance, no revulation. They were travling and suddnly, there was a base, a hermitcraft base, and they could see people. Grian clambers to feet shakily from the shed, nearly falling but Doc and Ren catch him and toghther they help him walk foward and call out to their friends. They are safe now, they're here- Is that mumbo on a ravager what the hell? Wait thats Impluse? Seems like Grian wasnt the only one changed. - anonymous

- Jellie reacting to vex!scar headcanons -she recognises him instantly. The moment she and xb arrive at spawn she darts straight towards him. Of course, she cant figure out why he looks different, but regardless, thats her owner and she demands pets!!!-sometimes she will jump up and try to pounce on his vex wings, because shiny moving thing! Scar picked up on this very quickly and will move out of the way before she gets the chance (vex wings are rather delicate and a pain to get fixed)-whe she's bored, she will always go to mumbo and daisy for attention first. This makes scar rather jealous and she knows that damn well-Scar will sometimes pick her up and fly her around not too far from spawn for a few minutes. Nothing she isnt used to, as he flys with the elytra all the time, but something about flying with vex magic just feels... different. And fun! - anonymous

- Contrary to the enderman bdubs, ender dragon bdubs. His eyes aren't the normal brown, and are instead a bright magenta, he also now has ashen gray horns. - Anonymous

- Scattered AU: The intended world "theme" Xisuma had set up for Season 8 was Large Biomes. This was before anyone knew something was going to go wrong, of course, but it's had a horrible lasting effect in the glitched world. Not everywhere has generated as "large", so when Hermits are travelling they'll sometimes find normal sized biomes, and other times they'll find one biomes that stretches an abnormal distance in all directions. Grian and Doc's mountain range is one of these large biomes. - @/wixelt

- For the scattered au, the snow golem follows Grian and Ren (and Doc) to the spawn haven, for a few days the hermits are wondering what's leaving behind snow trails and zombie flesh, so they decide to have a night watch around this area. Ren volunteered and waited, half-asleep he nearly nearly gets hit with a arrow when he hears the sound of a skeleton getting hurt. He sees the snow golem and uses his sword to kill the skeleton. The snow golem tries to flee but Ren realizes and stops it (1/2)He welcomes the snow golem and introduces it to Grian and Doc, (where the snow golem warns him that it is keeping its eyes on him in its own language). Spooked, Grian tells them that he can understand it, and the golem tells him that he's been following them since their time at the mountain. They decide to give it the name Catmint and it helps guard the hermit's base at night (while giving a stern look at Doc every now and then.(2/2) - anonymous

- (Scattered au)Seeing as we now have 3 different variations of Etho, I raise you: all 3 at once. It turns out Etho was not in fact human, instead a shapeshifter who didn't know that he was, the deaths simply sped up the process, whereas before, while he would change slightly, it was never fast enough to be noticeable - Anonymous

- I had this idea some time ago actually but I thought it was silly but now that the au in ending might as well say it. It doesn't make much sense now with all the new development srry. What if one day Mumbo was callibrating his comunication monstrosity, and suddenly his communicator had signal. He called and called but whoever was a the other side didn't pick up, until they did and Mumbo was overjoyed, but the happiness died down when he could only hear chocked sobs and sharp breathing and (1)teeth chattering. Suddenly a voice whispered, little and fragile "h-h-he-lp". Mumbo knew that voice too well. Before he could even open his mouth to let his best friend he was coming for him, he'd be okay, anything, the breathing stopped. The call was still going, but no one was at the other side anymore, Mumbo hung up with tears in his eyes, and he swore he'd find him and he'd help him. (2) - anonymous

- Scattered AU: While there's still time for them: Mumbo was the furthest Hermit out in the Overworld, & didn't set off for over a year, yet wasn't last to 0,0 (with Iskall) by any stretch. More than half the Hermits seemed to arrive after him. This can be partly attributed to Daisy making good time, but it makes you wonder how many trials & tribulations impeded False, Stress, Cleo and Keralis along the way? How much Ren, Doc & Grian were slowed by Grian's condition? What took xB or Biffa so long? - @/wixelt

- Once everyone finds each other, at the world spawn, after the initial shock, and fixing of the world of course, the hermits all decide to settle much closer to each other. They were separated for quite a while, so it makes sense why they'd decide to keep close. Some groups also make shared bases. - anonymous

- I sort of want grian to be a bit more inhuman so how about grian’s skin on his arms, legs and most of his face permanently blackened by the severe frostbite and the rest of his skin has taken on a bluish tinge, his hair is no longer the Gold it was before but almost snow white with a tinge of dark and light blue, his ears and tail are snow white with what appears to be frost and ice growing on them (1/2)(2/2) grian can not cry because the tears will immediately turned to ice, he can’t swim because if his body touches the water the water will freeze over, his skin is cold to the touch and whatever he moves his body it will make a cracking sounds like breaking glass or smashing ice, no matter how warm it is he can always see his breath... i’m trying to think of more but I’m coming up blank so that’s it hope you like it. - anonymous

- bc i cant stand when cleo is unhappy: the moment she and joe reunite, joe realizes how horrible it is for her to have her body messed with against her will. and as an admin, he can modify her code to put her back to how she was in previous seasons (aka not totally rabid but still undead) - anonymous

- Admins log final day: I'm glad we'll all be able to wake up from this nightmare, and we're able to get an exit portal going thanks to Mango and Methodz having a backup of the key to open the infinity portal's power, we should be able to not only go back in time, but destroy this broken timeline. Were all grateful for them, and I did invite them both to help us incace this happens again. This will be the last day in this timeline, if you somehow found this helmet with these logs, thank you. :-) - anonymous

- Grian, Doc, and Ren find it hard to stay away from each other too long, especially Doc and Ren becuase they've been taking care of Grian for such a long time so they find themselves kinda hovering over him and Grian finds himself seeking them out even when he's with other hermits. The other groups, who've been toghther for awhile, do it too probs - anonymous

- Soon as Grian and Mumbo see each other, they launch themselves at the other and hold on for a long, long time. Iskall join in soon as he wanders by and they talk for hours about what happened, looking over Grian's new fox parts and the blue marks on his hands, Mumbo gray stained hands and magic, and just Iskalls overall experience. Also Grian's little fox buddy absolutely loves Daisy and vice versa. Its not uncommon to see the small fox riding on the ravager's back while Daisy scares people. - Anonymous

- I know I'm a bit out of loop w scattered au & is probably getting things wrong but consider this, when Mumbo accidentally summoned Scar, leaving Bdubs alone, Bdubs freaked out. The very person that meant rescue & hope for him back in the end is now gone, he felt like he's back into the void again and he thought Scar abandoned him because he's too weak & is a burden to Scar. (Yes I am currently drowning in Scardubs angst) - @/anthosaidsmth

- The glitches in the world didn't only happen to the Hermits, it happened to all worlds created in 1.17. The cause remains unknown, though it is believed that something or even someone corrupted/changed the code (what/who is up to imagination. In the case of the latter, so is the motive). My idea, we've already confirmed that Watchers are arrogant jerks so perhaps they couldn't stand the fact that players learned to do things against the rules that they put in place, and did this out of spite. - anonymous

- A bit late but I see all the Fox!Grian headcannons so what if Grian spawned in a jungle and slowly became a parrot hybrid instead? How idk, maybe resorting to eating seeds to prevent himself from starvation because there is no animals in this jungle.

- Here's a thought: The Hels!Hermits were also effected by whatever caused the scattering. They may all hate or annoy each other, but not having each other around to pick on isn't very fun (neither are death loops). Perhaps some of them gain humility over this or learn to be at least a bit nicer to each other and their counterparts. (or some of them find sadistic amusement in their counterpart's miseries) - anonymous

- Finally, once everyone has made it safely to spawn and the problems with the world have been resolved, the season begins. Some of the Hermits may have changed (more than just physically) but over time, they adapt and recover. Grian eventually starts yet ANOTHER war, Tango gets to build DO 2.0 (X is terrified at the fact wardens are involved), and Cleo becomes a coach on 'how to be a mob hybrid' (unless all new hybrids get returned to how they were before by admin powers or just being players). - anonymous

- With all the glitches fixed and all the hermits starting to get back to their normal (Well as normal as it can be after all of these), I wonder if Scar is still a vex. All the hermits just adapted to their situations, but Scar is different, he made a deal with the Vex. - @/anthosaidsmth

- It takes all of the hermits that changed a while to get used to the changes, but eventually they do, mostly through help and support from the other hermits - anonymous

- I had a wee idea and it's a little silly but I like hurt/comfort so maybe after all the scattered au events have passed and the hermits are all together living safely, every winter some hermits invite Grian to their bases to take care of him since the snow and the cold are very bad for him. Sometimes he gets fevers but most of the time he just needs a warm blanket and someone to distract him from the snow. This is also making me wonder if Grian could develop chinophobia (fear of the snow). - Anonymous

- conclusion

Art:

- An Evoker Mumbo

- Evoker Mumbo with Daisy

- Evoker Mumbo summoning Scar

- a Guardian Impulse

- assorted doodles here and here

- A two-part Impulse comic

Writing:

- some Etho lore come back to haunt him (pt 1)

- Cleo sharing mob-hybrid tips with Impulse

- Executioner

- Fish out of water

- Homesick

- Thalassophobia

- The General's Wager (pt 2)

- The Undertow

- Saviors

- Bdubs falling

- For lack of blue shiny rocks (pt 3)

- conclusion (pt 4)

- EX in the Deep Dark

- this road I'm on's gonna turn to sand

- Snapshots

- a multi-chapter Scattered interpretation written just before the real season 8, complete with some outside lore and crossover

- Scattered Across The Map (series of parallel multi-chapter fics)

- One Hundred Thousand Worlds Away

[afterspark-podcast]

G1 Episode 12: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

S: It's really dark and it's ominous and he's standing in moonlight, and he's examining a body.

[Intro Music]

O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon. I’m Owls!

S: And I'm Specs!

O: And today we're gonna be talking about episode number 12: The Ultimate Doom, Part 2. Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Yesssss. Last time on the Transformers, Sparkplug turned into a shitty parent via mind control (well, when the Decepticons are involved it happens)-

O: [Laughter]

S: Optimus hit his head and made extremely questionable decisions and then Megatron has, uh, transported Cybertron into Earth's orbit.

O: As you do. And as we open today catastrophes threatened to rip the planet Earth to pieces.

S: And Cybertron? It just looks like a bad moon rising on the horizon.

O: [Laughter]

S: Oh god, I didn't realize that rhymed the time.

[Laughter]

O: Spike tries to talk some sense into his dad but Sparkplug just tries to get him to join the bad guys instead.

S: Oh I swear Spike really looks like he's staring into the camera like it's The Office. He looks so done.

O: He really, really does.

S: This poor kid.

O: And if you remember last time, it was Optimus Prime, himself, that allowed Cybertron to be space-bridged near Earth. Optimus is regretting his actions at the moment and Ironhide tells him, “he did what he needed to do.” Why? No- I call bullshit on this, there was no good reason why this needed to happen beyond Megatron saying that Cybertron would be destroyed otherwise, but I don't really think it would have been. There was no reason to think this because I call bullshit.

S: Optimus, you could have literally taken a step back to think about this. You didn't need to press the stupid button right that minute.

O: He could've decked Megatron. Knocked him out, thought about it, then pressed the button. I still would have thought you made the wrong decision but whatever.

S: You could have had Ratchet look at your head first. I mean-

O: Yeah, seriously I convinced he had a head injury.

S: Yeah. So Megatron's already decided that they've won the war-

O: Of course.

S: As you know, giant mechanical despots are prone to do. I mean, he does this multiple times.

O: Of course, Spike attempts to shoot Megatron with this, like, laser beam that might be a satellite from the previous episode. We’re not sure.

S: I'm pretty sure it is, it basically looks exactly like what they used to space-bridge-

O: Yeah, but it doesn't have the Giant dish on it, that's why I was confused.

S: Maybe they took it off? I don’t know-

O: I don't know. Anyway, it's this thing he hops into and tries to shoot Megatron but, uh, Megs is warned by Sparkplug and gets out of the way.

S: Bad dad.

O: This generates some rocks that almost hit Starscream and Starscream is incredibly angry about getting rocks thrown at him.

S: And he totally looked like Thundercracker the shot prior, like, he was totally Thundercracker blue and then next shot we see him reacting and, nope, that is Starscream. He's probably super pissed about the color change, too.

O: I would imagine. Starscream insults Spike by calling him a “flesh creature” and says, “We’re invincible!”

S:  Oh, my god we should maybe have a tally of that.

O: I- We should. Just have, I-I think it would literally explode with all the-

S: Maybe how many episodes since Starscream said “We're invincible!” or “I'm invincible!” or some variation.

O: [Laughter] It’s been 0 days since the last incident.

S: [Laughter] That seems simpler. I don’t know. So Starscream leads the other Decepticons into an attack

O: And during this attack, Bumblebee gets hit and this hit, for some reason, makes this sound straight out of a bowling alley instead of it actually sounding like metal is being hitn

S: Yeah, like, it doesn't sound like a strike but it sounds like they got like one or two pins with a bowling ball and it's honestly kind of weirdly, um, auditorily disappointing

O: [Laughter]

S: It's weird.

O: It doesn't quite have the impact maybe you were expecting.

S: Yeah, and meanwhile Optimus acquires cat-scratch fever as Ravage jumps on his back, then a branch falls on a power line overhead. Which...I don't think we saw this power line before now but, yeah, the branch falling on the power line causes the power line to fall down and shock Ravage, who then runs the fuck away.

O: I- I just have to ask it, what was the point of anything that's happened in this episode? I don't think it really has an impact of anything that happens after this. It's just things are sort of happening at this point, I think.

S: They needed something to fill up space because they didn't have enough plot for three frickin episodes.

O: Yeah, this should have been like maybe two.

S: I don't think they’d quite gotten two parters down at this point.

O: Eh, probably not.

S: Because I think we've only got individual episodes and then three-parters and then the five-parters.

O: Oh God, I'm not looking forward to those. I’m convinced- I am convinced the multi-partners are the weakest ones in the series.

S: Yeah. So, the Seekers take to the air and Starscream orders Thundercracker to shoot. Thundercracker is, you know, totally rightfully worried about the wind and Starscream is like, “Shoot anyway!” and then lo and behold the fire from Thundercracker’s flamethrowers totally blow back onto them. They don't have a good time.

O: They do not but, naturally, in the middle of a life-or-death fight this sight causes Jazz and Trailbreaker to drop everything and toss a few fire puns at each other.

S: Hot nose. Hot nose.

O: They weren't even good fire puns.

S: Yeah.

O: Rumble gets a taste of his own medicine as seismic activity causes a crevice to open under his feet and swallow him up.

S: He's getting his just desserts, I guess. I don't know. And Soundwave’s been just standing in the back watching all this chaos. Like, he just he looks like he's disassociated.

O: [Laughter] Eh..um…boy am i tired.

S: But, yeah, so he's just standing back watching all this chaos unfurl around him and then Megatron orders him to use an audio disruptor wave.

O: Which he has now, apparently, and Soundwave being one of the few bots able to take an order in this goddamn army does what he's told.

S: The resulting audio wave causes the Autobots to flee and for the majority of the humans a seemingly snap out of their weird mind controlling, except Sparkplug. I guess this thing, like, just. I don't know it seems like it makes the Autobots fall down and humans just snap out of things.

O: But of course Sparkplug isn’t snapped out of this.

S: It's plot relevant.

O: Of course.

S: Then we literally see Prime's trailer sort of shimmer into existence here as they flee, which was a nice effect.

O: It was actually a nice effect but I'm still, like, is the trailer a hologram? Does it, like, come out of subspace? How does the trailer work? And I'm never gonna get an answer to this. [Laughter]

S: I think we just say subspace, but…

O: Probably... which, so many questions. Ah, Spike and Bumblebee flee as Spike watches his dad escape into Skywarp and why do you think Skywarp was picked to be the Sparkplug ferry?

S: I don't know. Um, maybe he was just cooler with having squish- well, humans near him or as he'd say ‘squishies?’ I don't know, he seems like he's maybe chiller than the others.

O: Oh, Starscream would not even remotely consider the idea whatsoever.

S: Well, he does with Dr. Arkeville.

O: Yeah, but that's on his own choice.

S: Yeah.

O: I don't think he’d be very happy if Megatron was like, “You are in charge of this tiny human, Starscream.”

S: True, and I feel like Thundercracker would just be like, “Nope-”

O: Nope, nope. Thundercracker out!

S: Yeah. Though watching Dr. Arkeville makes the connection that his mind control has been broken by the audio disruption and-

O: Psst! This will be relevant later!

S: Oh, very relevant.

O: Starscream, in the middle of all this, starts yelling at Megatron about letting the Autobots escape. Megatron rewards this outburst by backhanding Starscream across the face.

S: As he does. I mean, he seems like he does that, like, once every two episodes.

O: Something like that.

S: They have a very weird relationship. Megatron tells Starscream that this is the only warning he's intending to give and Starscream makes a super fucking weird face.

O: Is he turned on by this? I mean...is he turned on by this? That’s. That’s what that smirk looks like. Okay! Back in the Decepticon base Rumble watches with mild interest as Dr. [Ark]eville shoots Sparkplug with a laser.

S: Whyyyy does Dr. Arkeville shoot him with a device that's, like, three feet away and hanging from the ceiling instead of, I don't know, a handheld device that would be, you know, a lot more easy to control?

O: Obviously it's to make the new hypno-chip stick. Who needs glue when you have lasers!

S: I feel like glue would be the easier and cheaper method.

O: He's a mad scientist, Specs, he's a mad scientist. Lasers are clearly the way he has to go.

S: ...But it's not efficient.

O: Mad scientists’ don’t care about efficiency!

S: I feel like he should but-

O: Well, he's a kind of shitty character, to be honest.

S: He is, unfortunately. Well, I don't think we ever see any other iterations of him which I guess I'm glad about.

O: He actually is in Shattered Glass, ironically, but he's a good guy.

S: That's good!

O: I like him! I like him in Shattered Glass, actually.

S: I was, like, I was gonna ask if he was a good person.

O: He's actually really cool. He’s still got like some cybernetic augmentations that nobody's really sure where it came from but, no, he's actually pretty cool.

S: That’s good! I’ll have to read those. I mean you’re-

O: They’re all on your new computer now!

S:Well, you're enabling the hell out of me, thank you.

O: [Laughter] Well, I mean I feel I can only return the favor.

S: So, Laserbeak is apparently kid- off- well, off kidnapping more human test subjects elsewhere.

O: He kidnaps two people at a time here. You’d think he'd go to a school or factory or something and get a bunch of people all in one go?

S: Well, he's also one relatively small bird robot.

O: TRUE. You’d think they would send multiple bots and do this.

S: True, true. I guess the animators just didn't want to deal with animating a whole crowd of people which, um, fair. I wouldn't want to, either.

O: Yeah, Laserbeak returns with the kidnapped men and Rumble takes one of them off to be enslaved via hypno chip but not before Shockwave calls to inform Megatron that the energy level of Cybertron is at a critically low level.

S: Cybertron is just always on the verge of fuckin starving. Oh god.

O: Shockwave. Shockwave, you've gotta ask for a transfer, man.

S: Yeah, or just, you know, actually shipping goddamn Energon which I guess the Decepticons do try, but the Autobots keep, you know-

O: Fucking shit up?

S: Yeah, I've forgotten the word that I want. Fending off their efforts? Something, whatever.

O: Sabotaging?

S: They're not sabotaging, they're just completely locking things down, preventing them from [clap] from doing it. I feel like the word starts with an F but it's not important. Let’s get this back to this! Um. Back with the Autobots, Optimus and Ironhide are having trouble navigating the “severe weather” quotation marks there. So many quotation marks around “severe.”

O: [Laughter] It just looks like a heavy drizzle but okay guys. Jazz is ergonomically handling this situation by magnetizing himself the Ironhide's bumper.

S: Jazz, you just make everything better. You’re- you’re awesome, dude.

O: Definitely!

S: Even if I am kind of annoyed by your really bad puns, earlier.

O: He’s the Pun Master.

S: Pun Meister.

O: Yeeeeeeaaaaaaah!

S: [Laughter] Oh god. In Bumblebee’s cab, Spike just he looks so fucking done. He really looks like he's disassociated.

O: Oh yeah, he's super out of it. So much so, that when Bumblebee blows out a tire and needs help he's gotta, like, physically shake Spike out of his cab to get his attention.

S: Oh god, no one's having a good day, especially with all the rain. And Megatron would like to have some updates on his human slaves, oh, thank you very much.

O: I'm not sure who wrote this damn episode but I strongly suspect it may have been a drunk monkey because we literally keep cutting to people for less than 30 seconds and then cutting away again. All of these scenes feel sooo pointless! And so we go back, yet again, with Spike and Bumblebee after swapping to Megatron for like 10 seconds. Um, a big, random crack opens up under Bumblebee. Bee ends up hanging off the edge of the side of the cliff, clutching Spike to his chest.

S: And, okay, it's it wasn't intended to look like this but between Spike’s expression here and the way he's clinging to Bumblebee, it really just looks like he's completely and utterly disgusted with someone critiquing their relationship.

O: [Laughter]

S: That's- I know he's clinging to Bumblebee for dear life because, god, there’s-

O: Canyon!

S: Fuckin, yeah. Hundred foot canyon? We don't know how deep it is. But that expression. He just looks so disgusted. He looks so unhappy.

O: Laserbeak shows up out of nowhere and takes off with Spike.

S: This is apparently what giant robot birds do. That’s just his life.

O: I want to know why this cassettes got conscripted into helping the mad scientist, exactly? They actually know how to take fucking orders that's the reason.

S: And they’re vaguely close to scale to him.

O: Yeah they are a lot smaller.

S: Yeah, and then Bumblebee loses his grip by apparently forgetting that he was, you know, needing to hang off to the edge with that particular hand.

O: [Laughter]

S: He presumably falls to his death as we go to the commercial break.

O: And just sort of quote the Jem Jam, “Buy the toys, kids, or Bumblebee might die!”

S: Aaaah, that's a lot of the motivational factor behind these episodes isn’t it.

O: Uh-huh, uh-huh.

S: Oh god, Spike is rescued by Bluestreak, Hound, and Windcharger, when Bluestreak shoots Spike out of Laserbeak's grasp bringing Bluestreak’s sniper skills into this.

O: Of course, and Hound transforms and catches Spike in his seat. It's very strange because he, like, jumps up at the air so they're sort of falling at the same time and it seems like he's actually slowly Spike’s momentum down or trying to.

S: Yeah, like this entire production is really weird because, like, they're down below and then Hound transforms, drives, like, off and around- off a cliff- to catch-

O: To catch him.

S: Spike.

O: Yeah.

S: And that, that seems like such a goddamn production just to try and catch this kid.

O: I mean-

S: Well, they don’t want him to die.

O: Well, like. I-I feel like since the last episode, obviously, Ratchet has given them a good talking-to on, “Hey! Humans can't survive long falls or something.”

S: “They're squishy. The terminal velocity will splatter their internal organs, even if the exterior does not splatter. Don't let them drop.”

O: [Laughter]

S: “You answer to me,”

O: They would.

S: Yeah. then Bluestreak calls Laserbeak a turkey.

O: Shut up, Bluestreak.

S: He might have called. I don't forget- if it was just a turkey or something else attached to turkey.

O: I don't care, it involved a turkey and I was like shut up Bluestreak.

S: And then Spike leads the others over to the crevice that swallowed Bumblebee because you gotta get the Bee?

O: Uh, yeah, then Hound pulls out a scanner that he holds in front of his crotch and swipes it from side to side.

S: It looks really awkward. It looks so bad, where did he even pull it from?

O: Who knows?  But Hound does eventually pick up Bumblebee’s signal with his penis- I mean his scanner.

S: And then Windcharger uses his magic arms to pull Bee out of the crevice with his..laser magnetic tractor beam.

O: Well, it may get Bumblebee back and I love that Bumblebee says that he's out of gas so he just climbs that Hounds’ back seat for a ride back to base.

S: This is not the only time we see giant robots riding in or on other giant robots.

O: He’s just so good natured about it, I think, is what cracks me up?

S: Um-hmm. The Decepticons load up Skywarp with Energon and send Sparkplug to Cybertron with him. Finally!

O: Finally they’re getting some Energon.

S: Yeah.

O: Dr. Evil's pissed that Megatron is sending away one of his slaves but Megatron informs him that Decepticons have duplicated at his tech and now can control his slaves, too.

S: Doc, Doc. You're evil and you didn't file a patent and also you're working with giant evil robots so do you really expect the giant evil robots to respect your creator’s rights here?

O: Yeah.

S: Did you seriously expect that? Did you expect them to have some sort of- I forget the word.

O: Copyright? Uh, patents?

S: I don't know, honor among thieves?

O: Ah! Yeah, no.

S: I don't know.

O: We are talking about Megatron.

S: Yeah.

O: Back with the Autobots, they send out the Dinobots to help with disaster relief as Earth continues to be affected by various natural disasters.

S: Grimlock makes his apathy about Earth's fate known and then Wheeljack asks him, “With you on it?” and Grimlock considers this for a moment is like, “Hadn’t thought of that.”

O: Don’t worry bud, you’ll get to the right conclusion eventually.

S: You'll learn some enlightened self-interest, Grims. Grimsey, you will in time. And the Decepticons are also having some issues with these various natural disasters. They, uh, they set off as their, uh, base is damaged with- from rock slides and tsunamis.

O: Naturally, Starscream comments on this with his normal level of charm.

S: That is loudly and with lots of screeching.

O: Yes!

S: Spike continues to deal with his dad's absence. He's not a happy camper. He really isn't. When another earthquake rocks the Ark, this time due to Mount St. Hillary exhibiting volcanic activity.

O: All the Autobots evacuate the Ark and we get some excellent visual shitposting as-

S: Ah, well, not all the Autobots. Not quite all the Autobots..  

O: Ah, sorry. The Autobots are evacuating the Ark and then we get some excellent visual shitposting as-

S: Once outside, Ironhide turns toward. He turns toward the volcano and then transforms and wordlessly points with an open mouth.

O: And then, not a second later, the volcano erupts and Ratchet, Huffer, and Windcharger come blasting out the top of the volcano.

S: This totally is not Ratchet’s idea of a party but maybe Huffer’s having a good time?

O: It's Huffer. You know he isn't.

S: And then they're saved by Skyfire.

O: Hi buddy! So, Optimus, after all this happened says that they need to turn off the volcano.

S: That's really not how volcanoes work but okay, buddy.

O: Ironhide goes inside the volcano and blasts a bunch of rocks to plug it up.

S: And he says, “When you're good, you're good.” Or something to that effect.

O: It’s something to that effect and that should not work. But aargh!

S:  But they should- they could really use Beachcomber here cuz he's- he's, you know, he's a he's a geologist.

O: And maybe get a professional next time. Anyway, this works for no reason.

S: [sigh] …Why? And then we see the Dinobots doing various things that are supposedly helping with the natural disasters but I don’t know.

O: At least that's what the cartoon wants us to think.

S: They're doing something- they're doing some blockades and some, um, canals.

O: To help with the tsunami.

S: I guess it's like the thing where Ironhide was, like, shooting, like-

O: Oh god.

S: Canals? Or whatever?

O: Ugh.

S: During, I think, the first three parter?

O: Something like that.

S: In the Ark - which is apparently, totally, just fine now - Optimus is talking about Spike. With Spike just standing right there. Like, that's awkward.

O: You gotta get better at keeping track of your little dudes near your feet, man.

S: And Spike is informed that Sparkplug has been taken to Cybertron. How did the Autobots know this? I don't remember.

O: I don't remember, I don't know if they got a call or if Optimus is just telling this to Skyfire, or what.

S: Or maybe Optimus Prime's magic pecs picked it up.

O: [Laughter] Of course! Regardless- Wheeljack, Bumblebee, and Skyfire all volunteer to go with Spike to Cybertron to rescue his dad.

S: Aaaah Skyfire is so freaking nice.

O: Get that ‘bot a hug.

S: And this is Spike’s first time on Cybertron!!! Except that Chip and Sparkplug totally got to go there before him-

O: [Laughter]

S: Soooo all the fun uniqueness is maybe taken away.

O: Skyfire is apparently excellent at flying as he's dodging the hell out of everything that the Decepticons are throwing at them right now.

S: And then Brawn is apparently here, too. I mean, I guess we need- I guess we need pugnacious short dude that can punch through things, but all right.

O: And clearly Skyfire hates him as much as I do because Skyfire trips Brawn when he's exiting Skyfire’s cargo bay.

S: By transforming. Skyfire was apparently just in a super big ass hurry. And Spike does not have any situational awareness whatsoever because he just totally bumbles right into a laser beam, triggering a trap that he then falls into and Bumblebee and Brawn proceed to jump in after him.

O: Mostly because they're small but good job, Spike. You split up the party, you should never split up the damn party!

S: Yeaaaaah.

O: Naturally, they escape through a nearby ventilation shaft until they fall through that, too.

S: I think the, say, Decepticons use the Cybertronian equivalent of tin foil, or something, for this?

O: Yeah, it like, it just falls to pieces. They fall through it.

S: Yeah, whatever contractor got hired for this? Whoever hired them sho- should really try and get, you know, compensation.

O: Pretty much.

S: Yeah.

O: Our three idiots land right in front of the helpfully labeled hypno chip control computer

S: It's so convenient and Brawn proceeds to call Wheeljack on his handy-dandy cellphone to explain the whole mind-control chip thing to him.

O: And the--everybody hides because they hear somebody coming, but Spike lures his dad nearby by leaving out Sparkplugs’ favorite wrench.

S: I don't think we ever see him bring the wrench but, apparently, he just-

O: Apparently, he brought it. [Laughter]

S: Yeah and then Sparkplug sees Spike and alerts the Decepticons because Spike’s just like, “I love you, dad, I can't hide from you!” and the episode cuts us Spike yells, “Nooooooo!!!”  And there are tears glimmering in his eyes.

O: Of course, it's very anime. Join us next time for the “thrilling?” conclusion to our three parter The Ultimate Doom part 3.

S: And that's thrilling with a question mark behind it, because...how thrilling is this stuff, really?

O: [Laughter] You decide.

S: I don’t think it’s very thrilling.

O: Alright, Specs, what's our fanfic for today?

S: Alright, so our recommendations for today are- our fanfiction recommendations for today, there's only two of them so I'm trying to keep this minimal, are “Tanked” by Cyberwulf which is in the G1 cartoon continuity. It's rated T because Optimus Prime accidentally gets drunk.

O: [Laughter]

S: And it's rated Gen, more or less, uhhhh, it mentions Optimus/Elita-1 which, uuuuuuhhhh, has some, uh. Basically involves Optimus sort of musing on his relationship with her and being like, “I didn't know she was my sister, I didn’t know!!!”

O: Oh, dear god!

S: “For like four million years, our creator was a jerk!”

O: Oh god, that’s so wrong!

S: It is! It is! Sorry, um. So, yeah, I guess that's a thing. I guess that's a note for you, alright. Uh, our characters here are Optimus Prime, Sparkplug Witwicky, Spike Witwicky, and Ironhide. And, in summary, “Prime needs help only, Sparkplug can give it.” And I basically just wanted something Sparkplug-centric for this and it's a one shot and basically both of these are actually Sparkplug-centric.

S: Alright, our second one is The Human Element by Im_The_Doctor and then Bofur1 [Im_The_Doctor (Bofu1)] in, uh...

O: Parentheses.

S: Parentheses, thank you. It's G1 cartoon continuity, it's rated G, it’s Gen- there aren't any pairings, and our characters here are: Ratchet, Wheeljack, Sparkplug, Jazz, Bumblebee, Brawn, Gears, Huffer, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Bluestreak, Prowl, Hoist, and Blaster, more or less in order of-

O: Of importance? Or appearance?

S: Probably appearance, yeah. In summary, “ “…and stay out! I don’t want to see another human for the rest of this tricursed orn!” Ratchet is being even more uptight than usual, especially about humans, so a few of his friends decide to intercede in the ways that they know best.” And, okay, I said it was something Sparkplug-centric, it's also kind of Ratchet-centric, too, because they're trying to convince Ratchet that humans are okay.

O: [Chuckle]

S: And it's, um, technically I think it might be part of a series cuz this particular author has actually a really, really long series that seems to focus on the minibots that I've been meaning to read but I haven't yet.

O: Gotcha.

S: But this was--it was fun and entertaining and Ratchet’s like, “You need to convince me-”

O: [Laughter] This convincing had better involve booze.

S: Kind of. It's a party.

O: It’s Ratchet, I'm not surprised.

S: Yeah, so those are our two of fanfiction recommendations, thank you.

S: Alright and that just about wraps it up for us today remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at Aftersparkpod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast such as AO3, Archive Of Our Own, itunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few. Till next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I’m Owls!

S: Toodles!

[Outro Music]