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theoniprince · 3 years

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If you had to pick one name/alias/moniker to go by, fandom-wide, what would it be?

Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

Name and link some of your favorite works, please!

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

First of all thank you so much for asking me!!! 8D It was a pleasure to answer all these questions. During this I got quite emotional (haha Stanpat, Eddie). It showed me again how much I love this 8DDD

( I apologize in advance for all misspellings and my sloppy English =_=)

If you had to pick one name/alias/moniker to go by, fandom-wide, what would it be?

Oh, what a start XD I'm not that into nicknames. Generally people using my first name to address me or my username which is mostly onyprince (in reference to a character from Hakuouki) ID Sometimes they say Oni or J(ay) (Nickname for my first name). Do as you wish (though I like ‘J’ the th most) 😉

Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

Twitter. But everything I post there is also here. Feel free to follow my account, but you don’t have to. https://twitter.com/oniprince_

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

Oniprince_ (Twitter) yeah… you see, I am pretty boring XDDD

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

Actually 23 years ago (haha I am old XD) When I was eleven I saw the miniseries with my cousins for the first time. The horror factor wasn't that important to me or maybe I didn't see it that way. It was more like an adventure story with an unfunny and nasty clown. A group of friends who had to endure an adventure. In any case, it entertained me well, even if I was not aware of some elements like that it’s a story about growing up, friendship, love and all these issues around becoming an adult XDD Then with 13 I read the book. It was a new experience, and I loved every single word. Over the years I talked with friends and Kingsianer (XD) about it and read it for a second and a third time. At this point I could start a list with things I don’t like about the movies, but I’d rather mention on thing I really appreciate about them: they are a good opportunity for a new generation to explore this universe. Every adaption like the book itself is a reflection of a specific decade and what is more yeah… immortal, universal and diverse than a story about growing up. It was a discussion with a dear friend about book to movie adaptions some weeks ago that probably brought me back to this fandom

Nevertheless there are things from the book I would have loved to see in the movies. Let’s be honest at this point if you want to adapt such a brick of a book you simply have to cut some elements. You can’t please everyone

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

Ships:

Stanpat - orz q__q they are such a sweet couple and it is so heartbreaking, they never ever had a real chance to become parents. They would have been excellent parents. Imagine them on a beautiful summer day. They have a picnic with their children and Stan would watch birds with them. He would tell them all about the birds and keeps a journal about their observations with his kids

Reddie - Despite the constant teasing their realtionship seems like a natural, casual und easy thing from the start. And Eddie likes the nicknames. These secret names are like another identity. He can be someone else. They take care of each other. Their relationship is a deeper friendship that runs mostly on an emotional level and is sometimes expressed through small, physical gestures. The chemistry between them is indescribable. It is cute when 90s Eddie immediately starts to giggle as soon as Richie makes a dumb joke at their reunion. And thing about the little moments when Richie pokes Eddie and calls him cute. I am won’t quoting this one passage in the book that leaves much room for speculations, but there is no doubt their special bond is official. In any case, the decision to make Richie gay in the movies gave the ship another push. I don’t complain. I love it. Though I still think Eddie would have been a better option. There are already some scenes in the book which are like an invitation to speculate about his sexualityTheir chemistry is very obvious and believe me, there is nothing I would more appreciate than a happy end for them Q__Q

Benverly „Your hair is winter fire

January embers

My heart burns there, too

This is one of sweetest things I have ever read in a book and that is all I need to explain why I love this ship.

Fav, Characters: Hmm when I read „IT“ for the first time I had a crush on Bill. He ist the born leader and in my childish, pre-teen way found his stuttering cute. There is something about him that cast a spell on you. It is perfectly understandable that he was a role model and an inspiration for his friends – especially for Eddie. In my personal opinion book!Bill ist the best Bill.

Richie - I love this chaotic megane dude. He is this silly type who use jokes, pranks to protect himself. His voices are like safe heaven (the same goes for Bill, whose stuttering almost disappears, when he pretends tob e someone else). He hides himself and his insecurities behind them. It is a shame that he doesn’t know what an impact he had on his friends. Richie seems to never ever shut up and sometimes his trashmouth is still talking, when he better should be quite. And I am famous to fall for funny characters. He can lights up the mood immediately ( and OMG…. I love Harry Anderson in the miniseries. A real entertainer, BUT BILL HADER…. Bill Hader…just to make it clear BILL HADER did such an amazing job. He rocked the movie and I still think, not just because I love this dude since over a decade, without him… the movie wouldn’t have been so entertaining)

Eddie - He is in these abusive relationships. First with his mother, who keeps him small and makes him believe that he is weak. At the end her own fears of beeing left behind prevented her son from becoming a self-confident adult. Eddie always thought he is weak and fragile. Although he knows that he doesn’t need all this medication, his childhood experience were the reason for his coping-behavior as an adult – he still uses his inhaler. He married a woman who is like his mother. Mike's call was something of a turning point. Until this call Eddie could not overcome his fears and had to face them again as an adult. I can remember. While reading the book there were several moments of silence and I stopped reading and thought: poor Eddie.

Ultimately, his story is about a hero who surpasses himself, overcomes his fears and by sacrifice himself he protects what is most important to him - his friends. It just touched me. Eddie gave his life for his friends and I think you can say he's my favorite character. His death may be a tragedy, but it was necessary for his character arc. My theory is that Eddie represents someone who has lost track in his life and prefer to stick on old but unhealthy patterns.It is almost like Eddie stands for missed opportunities, but at the same time it is never to late to change something. He is a hero. There are so many things I would like to talk about, therefore I should start an own thread XDDD

Oh and Bev - I could always identify with her (not bc of abuse or domestic violence. My childhood was amazing). She is the only girl around the losers and I was the only girl in my favourite clique too. We spent most of our time outside - it was great. Of course I had other friends (female) as well, but with my boys… it was always special).. As you know as an adult she falls back in old patterns. Her husband is tyrannical man like her father. Again Mike’s call is a turning point. Maybe the Benverly arc is the most satisfying. I was… I am very happy that Bev got her happy end.

Last but no least - I like Ben, Mike and Stan too. They have all there unique character treats and you sympathize with all of them. The Loser’s club is bunch of adorable idiots who just doing their best to become adults. I think it is normal that their friendship feels more intimate in the book – I highly recommand the book.

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Mostly fanarts, but recently I thought about posting my own theories and sharing my hcs and random stuff about the characters and the different relations.

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

The fandom is full of amazing artists and writersand actually it would be a, but i want to name those who inspired me the most (mainly artists – hopefully I copied the links correcty):

https://tonyofthetrees.tumblr.com

https://meowsteryyy.tumblr.com

https://slashpalooza.tumblr.com/ ( you have to check out ‚Loose Ends‘)

https://coldcigarettes.tumblr.com

https://vvanini.tumblr.com/

https://eggocrumbs.tumblr.com

https://twitter.com/10_sgan

https://twitter.com/kasphacked

https://twitter.com/tac_nor

(oh.. the list got longer than expected IDDD)

Do you know this?

https://ragnarozzys.tumblr.com/post/189890790551/those-early-hours-after-a-sleepover-when-you-wake

Have you ever seen something as cozy and cute before I///D? – me neither XD

Trust me they are all worth a visit and I am sure most of us already know them 8D

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

My art I provide on tumblr can be found here:

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/tagged/myart

Honestly I like these the most:

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/post/649446311120273408/my-first-reddie-sketch-now-scanned-the-quality

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/post/649548606679007232/close-to-you-now-scanned-with-coloured

https://theoniprince.tumblr.com/post/650697175346593792/hammock-iconic-richie-is-reading-a-monthly

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Oh… unfortunately I am not feelin‘ very confident about my own artworks. Sometims I have the feeling I am not creative enough and that my ideas are more or less boring. Nothing special ID Totally dumb – I know. As I mentioned before I came back lately to the fandom… I guess I missed many amazing IT weeks. I participated in some weeks/mainly shipweeks in other fandoms (Yakuza/Ryu ga Gotoku, FFXV) If I find an interesting annoucement I can imagine to participate in the future ; )

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

In general… the fandom is really friendly – I hope so. Lately I have seen some salty comments on different stuff, topics… and well.. I have just an advice: life can be exhausting enough and time is always running. Don’t spend time on things you don’t like. Discussions can esclate quickly and worde can hurt too. So, just thing about before you jump in.

Thanks again! <3

(Special lil sketchy piece of art I did for this ask)

#ask me stuff #personal #it book #stephen kings it #be nice to me #this is my opinion and I like to talk about this stuff

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Venom: Let There Be Carnage Review

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Grading on a curve always raised mixed emotions when I was in school. If I didn’t know the subject as well as I should, it could be a godsend—the stay of execution from a grade card hangman. When I actually knew what I was doing, however, the bell curve was a curse, dragging even whole classes down. A similar nagging dilemma occurs while watching Venom: Let There Be Carnage: Is showing the most improvement in its franchise’s brief history the same thing as not failing?

Technically, this goofy muddle of a sequel is a significant step up from the absolutely mind-numbing mediocrity that was 2018’s Venom. But when you’re starting from deeper than six feet in the hole, climbing up to still subterranean conditions doesn’t really feel like progress. Yes, Venom 2 is better than the first Venom, but then so are trips to the dentist.

While Venom: Let There Be Carnage now features two Oscar nominees slumming for a paycheck instead of one—even three when you recall Michelle Williams also stopped by the set for a few days—we’re nonetheless left with a rote pseudo-superhero movie with the passion of an algorithm. There are now a few genuinely bonkers comedy bits that almost realize the gonzo spectacle Tom Hardy undoubtedly dreamed of when he contributed to the screenplay, but it’s still a whole lot of spinning wheels. Only this time, to paraphrase Venom, there’s also “a red one” rotating in place.

The “red one” in question is named Carnage, and he’s a thick layer of unconvincing CGI sludge which has been applied to Woody Harrelson. See, Harrelson plays Cletus Kasady, the serial killer we were teased in the last movie’s post-credits scene. Kasady’s on death row for doing some very naughty things, and the only fella he’s willing to talk to is Hardy’s Eddie Brock, a redeemed San Francisco journalist who’s still secretly attached to the brain-eating symbiote called Venom.

And wouldn’t you know it, that black Venom ooze is pregnant, not that the film’s barebones screenplay ever really explains how that works. In fact, even Venom seems oblivious to the existence of the “red one,” including after it gives birth to it the same day Kasady bites Eddie’s finger through prison bars. Whoopsie. Instead of dying by lethal injection, Kasady becomes consumed by the Carnage symbiote and begins a slicing and dicing killing spree. Presumably. But honestly, this movie has the same amount of gore and violence as Mr. Freeze’s rampage in Batman & Robin.

That is one story which Venom: Let There Be Carnage tries to tell. Yet in spite of its slightest of 90 minutes running time, there are several more hats the film tries on, and one of them I enjoyed a whole hell of a lot more. While the film is marketed around Carnage’s overhyped night on the town, there’s a far more demented breakup comedy at play beneath the goo.

Indeed, the vast majority of Hardy’s interest seems to not lie in “the Lethal Protector” business from the comics, but rather Venom as a one-man Abbott and Costello routine. After three years of being roommates in the same body, it seems Eddie and Venom need a break, and the inner-Nicolas Cage ham inside of Hardy relishes getting to let his B-movie hair down in those scenes. More relaxed as Eddie, and visibly less concerned with the character being likable, he uses his real face to play a pitiful straight man to his vocal performance over the digital oil spill with teeth. He even lets what sounds like a few Bane-isms from The Dark Knight Rises slip through.

It’s dumb, but one never doubts Hardy is attacking the “breakup” scene with as much sound and fury as Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson in Marriage Story, only it’s much funnier when here we have the sight of Hardy punching himself in the face. Similarly, the scene where the Venom symbiote is single and ready to mingle at a vaguely LGBTQ+ bar is the stuff Tumblr meme dreams are made of.

Is this the Venom movie I would’ve ever asked for? Not at all. Is it the Venom movie diehard fans of the character imagined for decades in their heads? I highly doubt it. But on its own terms, it’s pretty entertaining in the same way a New Line Cinema family film from the ‘90s might be. Think Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Venom Ooze. Unfortunately, that’s only about a third of Venom 2’s 80 minutes of non-credits content.

Much less successful is everything to do with Carnage, and a surprisingly limp subplot involving the backstory of Cletus Kasady and Naomie Harris’ wicked Shriek. One suspects director Andy Serkis or an executive somewhere in the bowels of Sony pitched this subplot as akin to Harrelson’s infamous work in Natural Born Killers. But when both characters are so neutered, and Shriek just so underwritten in general, then any grander ambitions are moot.

I’ll admit I’ve never been a fan of the Carnage character. Like Venom as a hero, the red symbiote creation always felt like just another excess of ‘90s comics and their grim-dark nonsense. Did Spider-Man comics really need an R-rated serial killer? With that said, if you’re going to go for Carnage, go for it. Because in his current state, the villain’s mostly off-screen murder and mayhem donn’t feel that far removed from how Carnage was realized on Spider-Man: The Animated Series back in the ‘90s.

In the end, the one virtue the whole movie rests a little too heavily on is the conviction of its cast. While its two leads of Hardy and Harrelson are not above taking a role for a payday (clearly), they’re way too good to ever phone it in. Each performer is wholly committed to building these absurd, cartoon characters.

But when both men have their scenes drowned out by an ugly, relentless sea of computer-generated gunk, who’s to care? I doubt the audience. They’ll be too busy talking about the post-credits scene to even realize they’ve forgotten the rest of it in the five seconds it takes to reach the auditorium’s door.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage opens in theaters on Friday, Oct. 1.

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lopevic · 4 years

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From the Pond to a Puddle

5 Latinx students share what it’s like coming from a big city to Madison.

When I came to Madison, I noticed an immediate difference between here and my hometown of Chicago. Chicago had no shortage of Latinx students like me. It was so easy to find other people to talk to in Spanish, to meet up to try that new Mexican restaurant down the block. Here, authentic Mexican food is hard to come by. I’ve found very few people who I can speak Spanish with. It was so jarring to go from being surrounded by people like me to having almost nothing.

“I can’t be the only one,” I mused to myself. There are about 40,000 undergraduate and graduate students that attend UW-Madison. There had to be other Latinx students, and especially other big city Latinx students who experienced as big of a culture shock as me.

And so, while Latinx Heritage Month may be over, I wanted to bring attention to Latinx students who came from other cities. Latinx students encapsulate about four percent of UW-Madison’s undergraduate population; we’re a small group, but we still matter. And we have a few words to say about how we’re represented and treated on campus.

Without further ado, let me introduce you to the five students that I interviewed:

Eddie

City: Milwaukee

Nationality: Mexican-American

Eddie is a first-generation Computer Science student at UW-Madison. After watching his parents work tirelessly to provide a better life for himself and his brothers, Eddie sought a degree that would both make him happy and help support his parents. Outside of school, Eddie can be found modding the UW-Memes for Milk Chugging Teens Facebook page. He’s also a part of Leaders in Engineering Excellence and Diversity (LEED), a scholarship program that aims to promote academically talented students from underrepresented groups.

Jaime

City: Los Angeles

Nationality: Mexican-American

Jaime is a first-generation student at UW-Madison studying Genetics. Although he sometimes feels uncomfortable at UW-Madison, Jaime takes his fear in stride to carve a path for other Latinx students. Jaime is also the president of the Society of Advancement of Chicanos and Native Americans in Science, Inc. (SACNAS). There, he works to provide career and leadership positions for his members.

Nancy

City: San Francisco

Nationality: Mexican-American

Nancy is a first-generation student at UW-Madison. Latinx citizens are taken advantage of daily, a fact that Nancy is no stranger to. After witnessing this, she was motivated to pursue a degree in Law. Nancy is a part of the Latinx Law Students Association (LLSA) outside of school, where she strives to increase diversity in UW-Madison and make students feel comfortable on campus.

Soph

City: Houston

Nationality: Venezuelan-American

Soph is a second-year student at UW-Madison studying Pre-Med. Being surrounded by her family’s lively traditions and delicious food has made Soph proud of her heritage. While she misses her family dearly, Soph enjoys trying new restaurants in Madison to get a taste of home. Additionally, as a peer mentor for ILS 138 and Learning Community Programming Assistant (LCPA) at Chadbourne residence hall, Soph dedicates herself to providing a memorable experience at UW-Madison for first-year students.

Sophia

City: Los Angeles

Nationality: Bengali, Guatemalan-American

Sophia is a half Bengali, half Guatemalan-American student pursuing Journalism at UW-Madison. Sophia acknowledges that it’s hard for cities like Madison to encapsulate her ethnicities. Nonetheless, she misses parts of her culture, such as bachata music, Guatemalan food, and speaking Spanish in general. Outside of school, Sophia is a part of the Latin Student Union (LSU), ALT Magazine, and has participated in the Latin History Month Committee.

Questions.

Do you speak Spanish? Would you describe knowing the language as being an important factor in being culturally attuned?

Eddie: Yes, and I would say so. Mostly because then you can speak to your family in your native tongue. It also helps you become closer to traditions.

Jaime: Yes, but — it’s funny. I don’t know if Spanish is either my first language or my second language. I always forget! I always had to speak it because my mom only speaks Spanish. I had to learn it to be able to communicate with her.

But anyway, yeah, I think so. There have been times where, at least here in Madison, I’ll go to one of the Mexican markets. That’s probably one of the only places where I get to speak Spanish. And it’s like, “Okay, cool. I can actually have a conversation in my language.” So yeah, I think it’s important anywhere.

Nancy: I do, and — yes and no. I have a sense of pride in speaking Spanish. For me personally, I feel more attuned with my culture. I can have certain conversations with people and in some settings, I even feel more comfortable around certain people speaking the language. I do think it’s super important to know the language and the benefits that come along with it. However, I don’t feel like speaking Spanish is a requirement for being attuned with your culture.

Soph: I’m working on it! I understand a lot of it really well. I just get nervous when I speak it because I sound white. But in terms of being an important factor, I kind of feel like it is. I want to join the Venezuelan club on campus, but I feel like I’m not “Venezuelan enough” because I don’t speak Spanish. At home, though, I don’t feel any less for not being able to speak Spanish. Or when I go to a restaurant, I feel just as home whether I speak Spanish or not. In a way, I feel like speaking Spanish is important, but it’s not a necessity to have. I can still belong to the culture without speaking it.

Sophia: Yes. I think that being able to speak and understand Spanish opens up doors to aspects of the culture, such as being able to watch novellas or listen to Spanish music, but I think you can connect to the culture even if you don't speak Spanish.

Would you describe your hometown / city diverse? If so, in what ways? (e.g. ethnically, socially, culturally) If not, what makes you think so?

Eddie: I grew up in the southside of Milwaukee, which is notorious for being very segregated. The southside is primarily Hispanic. So in regards to “diverse,” it depends on what you consider diverse. If you consider diversity as actual different groups — then no. I had maybe one or two white neighbors around the block. Maybe one or two African-American neighbors. Even businesses were Hispanic.

To be more specific, I would say it was mostly Mexican. I’m only saying that not because I spoke with too many of my neighbors, but because the businesses around us were mainly owned by other Mexicans.

Jaime: Here, it’s almost a rarity seeing another Latinx person. Over in LA, regardless of where you are, it’s rare to not find someone speaking Spanish. You’ll also find all types of food. Where I live, there are Mexican restaurants, and like, two or three Cuban restaurants. You’ve also got Chinatown and Korea Town. So, you not only have Latinx people, but people coming from a variety of cultures.

Nancy: San Francisco is diverse in many ways. Although it caters to more wealthy individuals, there are still a lot of people of a variety of income levels. Along with that, every ethnicity, food, type of activity you can think of is available in San Francisco. That’s what made it what it was.

Because it’s such an expensive city to live in, though, diversity in San Francisco is changing. It’s pushing a lot of people out, a lot of which are artists and service workers — people who can’t afford to keep living there. I lived in the Mission neighborhood, and you can definitely see the contrast between the small mom and pop shops to the fancy restaurants next door.

Soph: Houston is so culturally diverse and there are so many types of people there. Liza Koshy, who’s a Houston native, described it as a salad bowl. Not a melting pot, because it’s not like we’re all enveloped together. You need different parts of everything to make it a wonderful salad. And I think that’s a great way to describe Houston. It’s very diverse but we’re not melting together. We appreciate every aspect of each group of people that are there.

Sophia: I’m from Bellflower, California, which is in LA. California is very well known for its diversity, and Bellflower reflected this. Especially at school; it was very easy to recognize the various cultures and ethnicities present.

How would you describe the role that being Latinx had on your personal identity?

Eddie: I mean, it’s not like every day I wake up and think to myself, “I’m Mexican.” But I do think it made me more appreciative of family. That’s very much one of the tenants in Hispanic culture. Family is important, especially in terms of respect. You should also keep in contact with them. I call or text my mom every day. And those are skills I apply to my friends too. In that way, that’s affected what I do and who I am.

Jaime: Being Latinx is really stressful! I say that being here in Madison specifically. It’s no surprise that there aren’t many Latinx people here, and even less in the university. In my department, there are very few people of color. The Genetics department is working toward increasing diversity, but being Latinx and being in this environment almost seems like I’m representing my whole culture. I mean, realistically I know I’m not, but I’m one of the few Mexicans. The impression that I leave on my colleagues could make it or break it for someone else down the line.

Nancy: It played a big role on the path I had to take to get here. I’m very proud of my heritage, my family, and the fact that I’m a first-generation American. To me, that’s a part of the overarching background of my life.

For example, I got to see how people who couldn’t speak English got taken advantage of. People who live in rural communities, who don’t have a lot of money, get taken advantage of by “lawyers” who are abusing the system. Being Latinx allowed me to see that firsthand. This, along with issues surrounding DACA, are things that are specific to our community. That inspired my decision in pursuing a degree in law.

Soph: I think it had a big role in my identity. I love my culture, I love the food, I miss the language while I’m here. I get upset because I look white when I’m not. I’m so much more than that. A big part of me is Venezuelan and I don’t think that gets highlighted enough.

Sophia: Growing up half Latinx was great! I was exposed to a really amazing culture, and I enjoyed Guatemalan dishes like Guatemalan tamales. I also listened to Bachata with my mom and sister. Being able to have the Latinx culture in my life really shaped me as a person. From having a strong work ethic to appreciating family, Latin culture will forever have an influence in my life. However, it was also confusing since I’m half Bengali. There was definitely a culture clash at times. Overall, I was able to — and am able to — experience both cultures and really appreciate them for what they are.

Did you grow up in a community with people of similar ethnic backgrounds as you? If so, what was the dynamic of the community (e.g. being social, lively, interactive, etc.)? If not, did that impact your cultural identity at all?

Eddie: Well, the friends I made were pretty mixed. It was about 50/50, and in high school, I actually had more white friends. But on the Hispanic side, it led to a larger prevalence of Mexican holidays. Mexican radio stations were also a lot more prevalent, such as La Grande. There were also organizations focused on getting documentation for those who were undocumented.

That community helped me realize who I am. “Who am I?” is a question that only we can dictate for ourselves, but I would say that has helped me affiliate with those who are hardworking, those who will sacrifice anything for another person.

I see that a lot in my own family. Especially my dad, who works 70 hours work weeks. Some days he leaves for work at 10:30 and comes back at 11. That kind of sacrifice is what I admire. When I asked him about it, he said that it was worthwhile to see me and my two brothers grow up.

That’s a big influencer as to why I’m here. Why I’m going for Computer Science. It’s not only a field that I’m interested in, but it’s also a field in which I can earn more money than what my dad does. I hope I can help him out, which I guess dictated the direction I’m going in life.

Jaime: So, I grew up in a city called Bell Gardens, a suburb east of LA. It was about 85 percent Latino and very few non-people of color. When I was 13, my family and I moved to a city right next door called Downey. It was the same thing: a lot of Latinos — Mexicans, Salvadorans, Cubans. Those were the three biggest groups if I remember correctly. Both cities provided a lively community but in different ways.

Bell Gardens didn’t provide the best community. I guess because it wasn’t the safest. Downey had its own things too. But Bell Gardens had more of a family feel to it, and I think it was because I lived across a park. Downey was more modern and had more of a bigger city vibe to it, even though it was the same size as Bell Gardens.

Nancy: The town I grew up in, which was also in California, had a large Latinx community. As an agricultural town, there were a lot of rich, white people who owned dairy farms. Those who usually worked on those farms were Latinx or brown in general.

The community was, at least in the Spanish-speaking community, very intertwined. We all knew each other to some extent. It was a small enough town where I went to elementary, middle, and high school with the same people. You’re familiar enough with each other, but the Latinx culture you were a part of expressed itself in different ways. It created a bit of a divide, in terms of who you hung out with or the interests you had. We still understood each other though, just on a different level.

Soph: I grew up in a more suburban part of Houston. And yeah, a lot of it was Hispanic. In fact, my best friend growing up was Colombian. It was something that we both had in our back pocket because, like me, she also looked very white. So I grew up around it, but it wasn’t a major part of the community.

When I’m around family, it gets so lively. We talk so loud and so fast and there’s just so much food! And it makes me so happy. Spanish sounds the same to a lot of people, but it really doesn’t. I love Venezuelan Spanish more than anything in the world.

Come to think of it, I hid that I was Hispanic for a long time. I vaguely remember hearing in elementary school that Latinx people were not as smart as white people. So when I’d fill out standardized tests, I would say that I was white because I didn’t want people to think that I was stupid.

Sophia: Growing up, my relatives were around a lot, which helped expose me to my Guatemalan culture. My aunts and uncles would visit often and I would spend a lot of time with my cousin. Growing up, we were like sisters. In addition, my parents were friends with our neighbors, who were Mexican. They had kids around the same age as my siblings. We would hang out a lot!

Have you ever experienced a situation where you personally felt that a UW Madison was tone-deaf on a subject regarding your heritage?

Eddie: It wasn’t institutional, but I sometimes feel that can’t really relate to other people here. I hear people in my classes ask questions like “Have your parents gone to this university?” or “What’s your lineage?” My parents could barely get a high school education back in Mexico. So, not the university itself, but people have reminded me that I’m different.

Jaime: Not personally, and it’s probably because of my own ignorance. There are certain things that I try to not concern myself with. But I know, for example, there are things like the Homecoming video.

Thankfully, I’ve had good experiences. About a month after I got to Madison, my student coordinator asked if I could meet her in her office. First question that she asked: “How are you doing?”

And I said, “I’m doing good.”

“No,” she responded. “I’m asking because Madison is very white.”

That was something that I really appreciated. So, although I’ve had positive experiences, I know that not everything is peachy.

Nancy: I don’t know that I can speak to that for the larger campus because I’ve only been in Madison for a couple of years. I spend a lot of my time in the Law building. We don’t have a lot of time to explore the rest of campus.

However, I think that it’s difficult to help students of color feel comfortable in a place that doesn’t have much experience in catering to students of color. The university is aware and trying, but it’s difficult to help students of color when they don’t know how to. It’s also hard to increase diversity, at least within the Law School, when people know it’s not diverse. It’s like a cycle. I’ve been lucky to have made friends that are culturally-aware, and thankfully I’m comfortable here, but I’m not blind to the fact there’s a lot of work that needs to be done. I’ve had conversations with the Law School’s administration and we’re definitely making efforts to increase the diversity.

I also know that there’s the Homecoming video. A few friends and I were talking about how it’s important to depict UW-Madison in a very realistic way. It is predominantly white. There are communities of color in Madison, there are ethnic clubs that cater to students of color, and there are various religious groups. There’s a presence in Madison that is diverse. And I’m not saying that you should put every token student of color in the video to make Madison look more diverse, but the video could and should have been done differently.

Soph: Well, there’s obviously the Homecoming video. But I do see posters for events talking about issues regarding Venezuela. I’m glad that they’re bringing attention to these issues because Venezuela is not in a good place right now.

Sophia: Definitely. There are certain things on campus that the UW Madison administration prioritizes, and supporting the Lantinx and APIDA communities isn’t one of them. The Latinx and APIDA centers were only added into Multicultural Center within the last semester or so. The renovations for them have been repeatedly pushed back, as well. In addition, there is an overall lack of awareness of all multicultural communities on campus. It is blatantly obvious that UW-Madison doesn’t pay attention to concerns and needs of students of color.

How would you compare and contrast where you’re from to Madison?

Eddie: Madison’s definitely a smaller city compared to Milwaukee. Madison’s demographics don’t match at all to Milwaukee’s, but I have seen more people from Asia here. Percentage-wise, though, UW-Madison is primarily white. So in that regard, Madison is a lot more white than Milwaukee.

Jaime: Madison is way smaller than LA. Don’t get me wrong, I like Madison, but LA has diversity in literally everything. Probably anything you can think of you can be found in LA. I can go a couple of miles from where I live, and there’s a pho restaurant on every corner, there’s a Korean barbecue place on every block. In Madison, there are very few pho restaurants, very few Korean barbecue places. In terms of food, people around me, and convenience, LA has Madison beat.

The biggest thing, though, is that I almost feel trapped in Madison. Here, there’s Madison, the villages surrounding it, and then cornfields. It’ll take hours before you reach places like Milwaukee, Chicago, or even the Dells. Back home, you’ll have to drive for a while before you reach a non-city area.

Nancy: Madison is a lot smaller. It feels more like a big town. San Francisco is obviously very big and very loud. Madison is quieter but it moves at a pace that’s healthier for life. Everyone is hard-working, but everyone understands that there’s more to life than just that.

Soph: I’m actually pleasantly surprised by the amount of Venezuelan food in Madison. I did not think there was going to be any. And I was so excited to find a Venezuelan restaurant that tastes just like home. Madison also has Peruvian food — and really good Peruvian food, which is something I didn’t really have in Houston. So I was really surprised by the diversity of food here.

Sophia: Between LA and Madison, the distinction of diversity is very obvious. Between Madison and Pewaukee, I would say Madison is far more diverse. I do appreciate the local Indian and Latin restaurants and stores in Madison because it makes it feel a little more like home. In Pewaukee, there are barely any Latin restaurants, which was a difficult adjustment since LA has a variety of stores and restaurants to choose from.

Do you feel that your specific ethnicity/nationality is equally represented in both where you’re from and Madison?

Eddie: No. God, no. Milwaukee, in general, had a good Hispanic community. I don’t really see that here in Madison, other than outreach events hosted by the university.

Jaime: No, not at all. Like I said, in LA, it’s hard to run into someone who’s not Mexican or Latino or even brown. Here, I’ll sometimes look around and think to myself, “Hmm. There’s not a single other Hispanic person in this room.” Sometimes that makes me uncomfortable, but it depends on the situation. It just makes me feel like all eyes are on me. The imposter syndrome will sometimes kick in, where it feels like I don’t belong here. But then I remember that my being the only person color in the room doesn’t mean anything as to how I got here. If anything, it means that I’m trying to put my foot in and make it easier for other people of color down the line.

Nancy: No, absolutely not. It comes back to that cycle I mentioned. My undergrad alone had more Latinx students than I’ve seen here in Madison. But it was also a coast school, so demographics were different. There’s a strong community here, though, and I’ve started to get acquainted with them all. It’s wonderful. There’s some representation, it’s just more low-key and smaller than what I’m used to.

Soph: I’ve only met one other Venezuelan on campus. He and I talked on the “UW-Madison class of 2022” page on Facebook, but I haven’t talked to him in a while. In general, I haven’t met many South American people here. In Houston, you can find them everywhere.

I know other Latinx people here, though. I see them, I talk to them, I teach them. But I feel like we don’t really talk about our cultures. We’re friends for the sake of being friends, not for our heritages.

Sophia: I think my ethnicity is hard to be represented in any city, whether it be LA or Madison. However, it was a lot more accessible for me to interact with more diverse people in LA. My middle school was extremely diverse in comparison to UW-Madison. Classes here consist of very few students of color, whereas a class in my middle school was comprised of students of many backgrounds.

Do you feel comfortable openly discussing your heritage in Madison? Why or why not?

Eddie: I haven’t met anyone that’s been openly racist to me. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt that if I were to speak about who I am and my experiences, they won’t jump to conclusions. I mean, I’ve felt microaggressions, but that’s something that comes with being in the minority. So like, when it comes to group projects or discussions, I get a general feeling that other students think I don’t speak English well. They’ll repeat the questions to me or speak to me slowly. Or sometimes people will tell me, “Oh wow, I don’t hear an accent!” when I speak. I know I look different, but speaking differently comes with being a different person.

Jaime: Yes, but not in just my heritage, but about anything. I never realized how important my culture was to me before I moved here. Being able to share it, regardless of who it’s with, is important so that I can keep what lays inside me.

Nancy: I’m not uncomfortable at all. And like I said, maybe it’s because I got lucky and I’ve made wonderful friends that genuinely care and are curious about my heritage. I’ve never felt uncomfortable expressing that I’m Latinx. Madison is very open to that. Maybe I haven’t had that experience yet and maybe I will soon — knock on wood!

Soph: I do but I’m also an open person. I try not to hide anything about myself, I want people to know about me and my culture and what’s going on at home. I feel like it’s important to know, and I want people to know about my family and heritage. I keep coming back to family, but that’s what’s important to me. I really, really just love my heritage and where I come from.

Sophia: I would say that I’m pretty comfortable discussing my heritage in Madison, especially when people seem genuinely interested. It’s important to talk about my heritage and other minority groups on campus to bring awareness. There are many cultures out there and being diverse is an important aspect of society.

Link to article here.

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garbageivereleasedintothevoid · 5 years

Text

10-08-19 (Tuesday)

God things were different back then. I don't miss it. It was awful. But some part of me still feels like I'm chasing it. Like maybe I belonged there. In that time. In that situation. Fucked up as it was... I felt more equipped to deal with it.

I realize that's the trauma. It's the realization that the coping skills I'd developed for over two decades are no longer applicable and grasping in vain at the past because it was what I knew.

Because I understood how to navigate that situation. And I... find myself more and more looking back at my early involvement with TSA as the source of that feeling. There's one moment that sticks out in my mind.

Youth Group still met at the YWCA and it was within a year of my joining. This one group that usually came together. Billy, Fatalany, and Mitchell (now called Maya). They all left to go to their car and some old dude drove by in his car and threatened them and called them faggots and they ran back inside. I was ready to bust heads. I was so new at it and I didn't realize the danger I could be in. And everyone looked at me like I was crazy. It was commonly accepted you just felt grateful to be alive and moved on, remembered their face, and kept going.

In that moment, I felt helpless. I couldn't save them. I had to leave the room and go to the bathroom and rage. I had to let it out.

When I got back out, they'd gotten to their car safe and left. But I remember feeling... So broken. It was like a wave of realization hit me. My life was changing. I was less safe.

And then... At last year's TDOR, I saw Elliot staring at the candles. And he was crying. He was having that same moment. It just didn't manifest as rage so much for him. There was definitely anger in his voice as he described his emotions but... he just looked so dejected. He was realizing the long hard road before him. Like I had. Ever since then, I have tried to send upbeat trans memes to the ever-dying group chat, hoping he'll find something good in that.

I wonder if that's what my face looked like. Defeated.

Elliot is a strong kid and I really hate that he and other queer and trans kids will have to go through these things. I hate it. But right now... It's a thing I cannot change for them.

I also just... Everything was far more underground feeling if that makes sense. Like, it... Wasn't as advertised for a long time. There were no news spotlights about our events. Good or bad. And... A core group of the time would show up. People would come and go but I would just sit there watching, never leaving. Always there. Sometimes people would move away. Sometimes they'd feud with the group. And sometimes... They died. And left their books to TSA. I still have a copy of the celluloid closet I have thusfar refused to read. It's too much. I can't.

There's this rich history of queerness in America. And we all know it. We queers know our history. But like many, ours is a story told orally. Very few written records exist of the early days of consistent uprising. Because you could get thrown in jail and that'd be proof of your homosexuality.

I know a fair bit of Evansville's (and the surrounding area's) history. But mostly a couple years before I joined (joined 2008) onward. I know there was a bar called Equals in Owensboro a few years back. Couldn't tell you when it closed but it was before my parents booted me(2013) but after I'd graduated high school (early 2010). Used to see ads for it in the newsletter. Never went. Was never old enough and it was in Owensboro. Went to Brickhouse once before it shut down. With Jessi. Ran into Jake Svetska. Hadn't seen him in years. Jake wasn't the brightest bulb in the box but deep down, he was a good guy. Josh on the other hand... Manipulative and kind of shithead in general. But dumb as a box if rocks. They dated for like a week before Josh upped the cling to maximum overload and Jake was like "Um, no."

Josh is "engaged" nowadays. And he's actually been engaged for years as opposed to how he used to declare he and a guy engaged and then they'd break up after like a minute of that because he hadn't even proposed and we were all like 15 - 18 year olds. He and Randy (Randi at the time) would go through twelve people a day between the two of them it seemed. Randy would find a new girl and have her calling him all kinds of names before he'd basically dump all his shit to be an ass to her. And then act like this had never happened twenty thousand times before and that she was crazy. He was a control freak and honestly probably abusive. Idk.

And Caitlin. Heard she is doing well. Can't remember if she moved away or not. Eliot (not Elliot) is doing great things. Super proud of him. Does a lot of radical work.

Katie... She's... An ex-gay therapy advocate. And works with Eren. One day she stopped coming and I asked eventually and was told "She has a boyfriend. She's saying she's not gay now. We're leaving it alone." Learned later that her parents forced her into it. College tuition or be a gay. Saddest thing too. She was a nice person. I hope one day she can unlearn all that and be happy.

Emily is still around and is still a waitress. She and Kris broke up a couple years back but are still close friends. Emily is poly anyway so she probs saw no real need to be bitter. I don't think Kris was really cut out for being poly/with someone who's poly. And that's fair and Emily is smart enough to understand that (Honestly believe she's super smart.)

Jim has severe health issues and will probably die within the next five years.

Eddie is still with the same guy he no longer loves.

Mark is still a flaming garbage can who thinks he's better than everyone and has this deep fetish for british culture as if it's superior (which he has explicitly stated btw)

Paul... Still creeps me out. Like he's been a dick to me before. But like... He creeps me out and I am not entirely sure why.

There were more. But... I'm not sure the others were really worth getting into. Those were the ones I knew best.

Zed is still around clearly. Working for the city. But... They... Things were weird back in the day. We kinda hated each other. Like a lot. We were absolutely awful to each other and idk how we ended up friends but it's definitely Grover and the fact that we were both fighting against Wally together.

I don't need to tell you all about what's happened on Wally's front lol.

Michael moved away and Married Ricky. Always hated Michael. He was such a self-important ass with no concept of the idea that throwing perfectly good things out was wasteful and taking things home that would otherwise be in the trash is not greedy. Ricky was chill though.

Gabriel overdosed too much and has seizures now.

There were a few more but I'm blanking on them.

Things are different. I'm... Still expecting things to suddenly go back. Like... One day I'll wake up in my parent's house. In my bed. And it'll be 2011. And I'll have my coping mechanisms set to what they can do to help me. Which... I don't truly want that. My life really sucks sometimes but there are some very good moments, too. And... Idk. If that did happen, I think I'd just get off my parent's insurance, get into ECHO and pay out of pocket (I would still have money in bonds) and wait. For Sara. Or maybe I'd just go find her outside of ECHO. Idk. Something. Drop out of school if I even started yet. Get a place, apply for SSI. But... Idk that's all just what ifs. I don't have those what ifs. I have now. And here. And idk. I think I needed to get all that out.

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