#i think you sent it twice in a row ??? 😭 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

goldenpinof · 2 years

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As much as you can say without major spoilers, how was his performance? You basically experienced WAD as a standup show 😭 why is it always warsaw? Hope you experience the full thing in Berlin!

"why is it always Warsaw?" LITERALLY

i was trying to recollect my thoughts and emotions, i'm sorry.

the show was good. i liked it. i didn't expect much from it and i got more than i hoped for. HE LOOKED ME IN THE EYES. TWICE. I LOVE HIS EYES. i don't wanna know my facial expressions during those moments, but they were definitely embarrassing. he was clearly enjoying himself even though we didn't have his fancy stage and i bet it hurt him. i know that he is so proud of his lights :( we didn't have the cubes so the show ended abruptly. like, the cubes are the indication of the final act if you don't know the script WRONG i should have started freaking out in intermission. when he was sitting there making all of us sad i was like, "okay, honey, go on" and he just stopped and everyone started standing up for ovations. i was like ???? hello?? aren't we missing something?? post-credits act with cubes? 😭 a piece of me literally died. i yelled "where are the cubes?" at least twice. it hurts more than the lights.

our audience was amazing. a-fucking-mazing. we can crack jokes! and we were doing it all the time. sometimes we were laughing at ourselves and it barely had anything to do with Dan. like, who cares what he thinks i need to acknowledge the person who just made me laugh, like YES BITCH, WHAT DID YOU SAY 😭 (it was seconds, it wasn't bothering Dan, don't worry. most of the time he was reacting to our yelling). i was sitting behind someone who was even louder than me and they had a drink. when Dan said something like "until you start throwing drinks at me" they swung it and i was like, "PLEASE 😂". Dan must have seen it, we were in the 3-4 rows, and he was standing in front of us. i can't imagine how annoying the yelling must be for those who are not there for this specific part and i'm so sorry. but it's Dan, you have to yell at him. when Dan left the stage mid-performance, someone yelled along the lines "Dan, come out, you've already done this once" and i wasn't the only one quoting it afterwards. it was fucking awesome 😭 we also called Phil "annoying" (me, including) and Dan just went with it. in that moment i didn't even care about what was on the screen, screaming bullshit at him was the main and most entertaining part. we got DISGOSTANG (hi, @danielhowell, i love your eyes, and i have no idea what you were saying while looking into mine 😂 i hope we repeat it in Berlin and i will finally listen to you). we sent Dan to kill p*tin. well, i sent him for specifically that purpose. he phrased it differently. i don't remember half of the show but i surprisingly liked the opening and how he touched the war in Ukraine. it wasn't much but he was careful enough for me not to cancel him. but he should be even more careful on the 24th, oh man, it's gonna be hard. we all know he talks about politics a lot, and some of the jokes fell flat since we were in a country that went through forced communism and no one is fun about it. also, since we didn't have any wad banners outside the venue or even in the venue that thing also was awkward 😂 but he made a joke about the cemetery right next to us. kudos to Dan, i really appreciated him looking around. those death jokes like,,, we get each other. there were a lot of Polish culture references (i do include politics in "culture"), more than i thought it would. i like it, it's a very mild additions to the script but they let us feel seen 🥺 can't wait for Germany. i expect to hear something about Angela Merkel but who knows if he's that easy 😂

no spoilers but he trusts us! it's so shocking to see with your own eyes.

after the show we were waiting outside and talking about the show, Dan and Phil, future shows and whatever. the best phannie gathering, we really need to organise a phanniecon! there were people from, obviously, Poland, Portugal, the Czech Republic, Latvia, and who knows where else. that person from Latvia spoke russian and we exchanged some bullshit phrases but it felt soooo good, instant love 🥰 it was so different from my experience in moscow in 2018. like if this is 10/10 then moscow was like 4/10. either we as an audience grew up or russian phannies just don't have that vibe of freedom and warmth, despite speaking the same language? maybe both. we went to the show as a group of 6 people but after the show, we were talking to everyone who remained outside to wait for Dan. so random, so easy, so fucking fun.

overall, i don't remember 80% of the show. but Dan knows we're here for his onlyfans. if he likes to strip occasionally we're ready to give him money (for not only his therapy 😉)

and people said he wasn't as tall as they thought!!

#when he was doing his monologue parts it was quite hard to follow #his voice just blends into the air idk #and i LOVE his voice #his eyes and his voice are my favourite things #damnnn #answered #wad.warsaw #wad.europe #we're all doomed #phandom #wad 2022 #daniel howell

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anathemafiction · 3 years

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I posted 308 times in 2021

232 posts created (75%)

76 posts reblogged (25%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.3 posts.

I added 618 tags in 2021

#the golden rose - 249 posts

#asks - 80 posts

#mc - 46 posts

#anonymous - 40 posts

#fanart - 36 posts

#rambles - 36 posts

#alessa - 34 posts

#hadrian - 33 posts

#personal - 32 posts

#progress update - 32 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#i still want to test a few more things and i haven't had as much free time as i wish so i'm expanding the testing phase for a bit

My Top Posts in 2021

I heard back from Hosted Games!

And The Golden Rose's submission has officially been received! I'll admit, I was growing a tiny bit worried about the lack of a reply, thinking that maybe I messed up the submission in some way, so I almost squealed when I saw the email notification. 😄

Next, the game is being sent to Content Review. I reckon this is when they read the Rose and send me back their review along with anything I need to alter - which I hope won't be too much! This is the first time any of my work will be "professionally reviewed" and it is intimidating! But a part of me is also really curious about what they're going to say. Is my work worth publishing? Isn't that the golden question.

There is a bit of a queue, however - which is great, it means a lot of games are coming out! - and the Rose is quite a big game (one million and two hundred thousand words long) so I expect this process will take a while.

In the meanwhile, they sent me some supplementary documents to read and a list of assets they need from me before publication. I'll read everything carefully tomorrow, but I expect to start working on the outline for Book 2 on Monday. The writing itch has been increasingly harder to ignore. I've been doing so much reading lately, it makes me want to grab a pen even more!

So that is all! One more step forward. Patience truly is a virtue, one that I have always struggled with, so of course, life decided to put me to the test once more xD

Have a great rest of the week! 🌹

398 notes • Posted 2021-08-19 22:39:12 GMT

Announcement

Hello, everyone! I've been wanting to make this post for a while, but I wanted to be sure before I shared anything, for only a fool makes the same mistake twice - and this one, in a row.

As you may be aware, I did two weeks of beta testing with close to 45 wonderful testers participating. And the reviews were overwhelmingly positive (seriously, you guys gave me such a boost in confidence 😭). It made me even more eager to share this game with everyone - to read all your thoughts and reactions about it.

However. However, three of those testers said something that cut me deep. Because the hardest criticism to hear is the one that deep down, you agree with. They told me that the ending was lacking. Not because of the content, but because it cut abruptly. It left them wanting for more, but not in the satisfying way you feel after a big, hearty meal. Looking forward to trying more dishes from the same cook. It left them looking for more as in: I am almost full, but something is missing still.

I picked the cut-off point between Book 1 and 2 based on an image I had in my head - a mix of red and blue in a dramatic blaze. But, I realized as I read the reviews of these three testers, that I picked the cut-off point wrong.

It needs more. The book needs one final chapter.

And it is such an easy fix. What would be the beginning of Book 2 is now the end of the first one. So, I left my self-pitying aside and did what I love to do. I wrote! And have thus finished the first draft of Chapter 8 - the new final chapter.

And... I love it. I am in love with it. Chapter 6 was my previous favorite chapter, but this one now takes the cake. It ties the whole book together so much more perfectly, with threads and clues coming united and how did I not realize this sooner? Why did I ever consider releasing the Book as it was before? I cannot stress how important it is to have fresh eyes looking at your work.

Because I have all the answers in my head, everything makes sense to me. So, in my eyes, the first ending would have been perfect - because I had knowledge that, of course, the readers can't have! It seems so simple, but after you work on something alone for so many months, it's so easy to fall into this trap. This is a mistake I am vowing never to commit again.

I am beyond grateful to my testers. They allowed me to craft this first Book into what it should have been all along. So much so that I'm embarrassed now about the whole beta process altogether - for I showed what I now consider an incomplete game to all of these wonderful people.

All of this to say? I need about an extra month/month and a half to truly finish The Golden Rose. I am not done yet, as I have foolishly announced before.

I know this will probably disappoint some of you - and you have every right to feel so. I am really sorry. I've been getting so many messages of support and excitement about the game, and I appreciate them so much. So it's with a very heavy heart that I'm telling you that I need more time.

But, on the bright side, you'll have a longer game and more content to play once it does come out! 95% of the game is DONE - as in, coded and edited and shining. I've fixed all the continuity errors, all the bugs, and while I'm sure some typos have slipped through the cracks, at least the most outrageous ones are corrected too.

The Rose is so close to being ready - I just need to add its finishing touches. And it will be such a better book because of them.

Because I want to be completely transparent, I'll share my to-do list before submitting the game:

Finish the second draft of chapter 8 and the new Epilogue.

Write all the suggestions/expansion of choices from my beta testers.

Put it all into code.

Do one week of extensive playtesting.

Storytelling is one hell of a craft. It's a difficult one, oftentimes, a cruel one too. But it's one that, as long as you practice it, you get better. It may take months and years, it may be so slow, it seems as if you stand perpetually in the same place. But you get better.

I've learned a lot, and I hope to continue learning even more. This was a particularly hard lesson to learn. A hard one to accept. One more chapter. I hope you all can understand.

Have a great week, everyone! And I'll be sharing all the progress I make. I'm so EXCITED to start writing the second draft!!!! 🌹

426 notes • Posted 2021-05-11 16:31:02 GMT

Hadrians heart rate when mc leans against him on the horse

Hadrians heart rate when mc holds his hands afterwards

His back is so straight, it could be made of stone.

Hadrian barely dares to breathe, the only air allowed out is through the tiniest crack in his lips. His face is heating, both from the pressure in his lungs and the intensity of your proximity.

Lord in Heaven.

He shouldn't have invited you to ride with him, but he had to. Billy seemed exhausted, and Hadrian couldn't bear to see you walk. Not after the roughness of the road, not after the bandits and that sword that had come so close to-

Hadrian briefly closes his eyes as you shift in front of him. Your legs on the saddle brush against his tighs, and Lord, he should have just given you Elly. He could have walked, why didn't he think it? But as his fingers tighten on the reigns, a small voice at the back of his head, a treasonous, sinful, undeserving voice whispers that he lies to himself. That he wouldn't have it any other way, now would he? The false decent of man that he is.

"... and beyond, the harbor."

Alessa's voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and Hadrian opens his eyes to the night once again. Tarragona materializes in front of him, the road starting to ascend to the top of a hill.

Hadrian shakes his head. There are more important things to worry about. Like the maps, and this Rafael, and the fact that both you and Alessa kept him in the dark for so long. You don't trust him, he tells himself for the hundredth time. A dark wave starts to spill over his thoughts as Hadrian's eyes darken. You don't trust him, and why should you?

The road is steeper, Elly's hooves struggle for a moment, and you fall back on the saddle. Hadrian doesn't have time to process as a warm weight presses on his chest. It's not sudden but gradual, like the shift of slow-moving sands in the landscape of a desert. You don't clash against him, but melt instead, first your lower back, then your shoulder blades, and then his head is spinning when the back of your skull rests just between his collar bones.

His hands freeze on the reigns, his eyes fly open and if there's sand in his thoughts, there is sand right now in his throat and his ears and his tongue because they all feel numb and rough and Father from above, he can smell your hair and it sends his already spinning thoughts into a violent whirlwind.

He can feel his body locking, and vaguely, between the madness, he can feel you stiffing too. Can feel your hands twisting, can feel you start to lean away-

Hadrian lets out a sharp exhale. He's an idiot, one that you don't trust, but he's not as big an idiot as to let this go. His arms bend, and tentatively, feeling the tips of his ears burn with the fire of a thousand suns, he rests one hand against your stomach. He feels your intake of breath through both his fingertips and his chest, and he smiles, then, when you nuzzle closer still.

Father, you bless me.

His chin rests on top of your head, and Hadrian decides that he's done thinking. You're in his arms, on top of Elly, and the city doesn't look as menacing as before.

"The road eventually drives towards the sea." Alessa's voice cuts through the silence like a knife. She is staring with narrowed eyes. "But we will go east, find our way into the residential district."

His smile doesn't waver. He's done thinking. He can't. Not as his thoughts are made of senses, and those... those can feel nothing beyond you.

- - -

Your arms are wrapped around her, and Alessa does not mean to, but she can feel her spine lose its strength. Even as she rests against you, Alessa tries to keep her composure, tries to keep from making a complete fool of herself.

You hum faintly, the vibrations traveling from your chest and spreading through her back like the quakes following the step of a giant. And your voice tingles against her ear in a lazy rush that nonetheless makes a shiver run down her spine, and Alessa does not mean to. But whatever little distance her pride had forced her to keep disappears as she melts against you.

'Tis such a warm night, and tiredness looms too closely at the edges of her sight, and she did not mean to. But a sigh leaves her parted lips as you tuck her in, your warmth not unpleasant, your closeness much too safe and she is a fool, but Alessa decides then, that for the ride, just for this ride, she will not mind it so.

She will not mind it as the Devil's Bridge comes into view. She will not mind it as Kroner walks through the streets of Tarragona, with shadows on the corners and buildings with too many windows, too many possible hidden eyes. She will not mind it, she commands herself through clenched teeth and restless fingers. She will-

Your hands suddenly envelop her own. Alessa blinks and looks down to see your fingers intertwining with hers, your thumb making little soothing circles against her skin. The leather of the reigns feels too rough as she clenches them tight, as she instinctively locks all her joints and feels adrenaline spike as if she's rushing for combat.

She is too cold, she knows. Too cold because your hands, so comforting, lose their confidence. Alessa can feel your hesitance, and above all, in this short moment, in this ride she did not plan but can never regret, Alessa wishes to reassure you.

So, stiffly, always too stiff, she grabs your hands back and accepts your touch. Your cheek brushes her forehead, and she almost swears she can feel you smiling.

Fool.

But so is she, because Alessa smiles a secret smile as her muscles lose all tension and you intertwine as closely as your hands. Her fingertips find your wrist, and in there, she seeks the soft, faint rhythm of your heart. She cannot feel it on her back, beating through your chest, but Alessa imagines that she does. She imagines the sound pouncing in tandem with the one on your wrist, the vibrations enveloping her in a strange, new reality.

They pull her down, away from her doubts and fears. Away from her worries and thoughts of treasures stolen by bitter former allies.

The inn is right ahead, but Alessa wishes that the road could somehow stretch, that time could slow or even halt altogether. Her skin is too cold, she knows. It always is. But in your hands, she can feel it warm. And in your arms, she can feel herself calm.

And with your breathing in her ears and your pulse in her hands, Alessa lets herself go.

For a while. Just for this ride.

465 notes • Posted 2021-09-07 16:11:56 GMT

Finished The Golden Rose

It is done. The whole game is written, edited, and coded. It took me four more months than I expected - I wanted to have reached this stage before the turn of the year - but then again, I never did anticipate reaching the million-word count.

When I started writing the Rose, the one thing I wanted was to make a game that I would like to have played. And I can say, proudly, that it is. I hope you'll all like it, of course, but at least I managed to meet my very first and most important goal.

Next, it follows the Beta testing. I think I will run it for about two weeks. I am... very nervous about it. The thought of people actually playing the whole game is both terrifying and exhilarating. I'll probably shake when those first reactions arrive 😩.

This is not a call for beta testers! I need to organize myself first. So please, don't send me applications yet!

The ship is not yet quite docked, but firm land is on sight. And what a journey it has been, uh? I hope the week goes amazing to you all! 🌹

595 notes • Posted 2021-04-11 15:48:01 GMT

Submitted The Golden Rose

It is done. The edits are finished, the email is sent, and this project, this passion, this behemoth of an undertaking is thus completed.

I can still barely believe it.

I know there's still road to walk before publication, but right now, I feel like it's out of my hands. The Rose has gained wings, and it flies away from me. And I cannot wait until it's there for you all to see.

I want to thank everyone who walked with me along this journey, either from the very beginning, when we were all still starry-eyed travelers and had no idea how many miles stretched before us. Or those who joined recently, lending me your enthusiasm, making me strengthen my weary spirit.

I know it sounds so cheap and cliche, but I could never have done this without all your support. I mean it. I know the blog has been terribly quiet since I've been 100% focused on finishing Book One, on accomplishing exactly this: submitting the game. But all the likes on my progress update posts, all the comments and reblogs, and the supportive asks. It all meant so much.

I've said before how writing can be so incredibly lonely, but you have all made it that it wasn't. Somehow, by some miracle, it really wasn't.

So, thank you. Thank you so very much.

I'll have a few moments of rest in the shade, allow my blistering feet to heal for a bit. Maybe listen to the wind rustling the tree leaves, and feel its touch on my heated skin. I'll allow myself to close my eyes and watch the sunlight through the thin layer of my eyelids. I'll rest this burden for a while. Just a little while.

Because I've been dreaming of Book 2, and I feel its pull. So I'll take a rest. I'll take a respite. Before straightening up and continue on that road that goes forever forward, chasing the impossible line of the horizon.

Have a great weekend everyone! 🌹

940 notes • Posted 2021-07-30 21:11:54 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#What a trip down memory land!!#This is fun #Put the posts under the read more because it's a lot of text #Hope it's not annoying^^

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