#i thought abt so many other moments between those two but it would've been so long sorry heehee

[nopefer-art-tu]

so i was thinking abt the old brokeback mountain forum threads i had stumbled upon last yr and i remember coming across a very lengthy one where people were debating the nature of ennis and jack's relationship during their days on brokeback mountain. specifically, people were debating about whether or not ennis and jack kissed at all during those first few months of friendship and fucking.

i know what y'all may be thinking: but nickie, didn't they literally kiss, like, super passionate style during the unfamous second-night-in-the-tent (or SNIT, as the BetterMost forum users dubbed it) scene?

but see, the thing is that in the original short story Annie Proulx never mentioned them kissing during their time on the mountain. In fact, the first (and only) time kissing is mentioned is during their reunion. In an interview, Ang Lee had said that the whole SNIT scene was written into the film to help audiences better understand the budding passion and love between Ennis and Jack. Otherwise, they felt viewers wouldn't quite get the depth of feelings that they had for each other, and thought they would've been lost as to why it hurt them both so bad to be separated earlier than they'd anticipated.

of course i love the idea that they eased into intimacy so early on in their relationship that they made out a ton while herding on the mountains, but imo, it's also kind of interesting to think about the reunion scene being their first kiss.

in her Story to Screenplay book essay, Annie Proulx said that ranchers would often hire two guys to tend a flock together so that they could 'poke each other' on the lonesome days in the mountains. In some ways, Ennis and Jack fucking was a normal and anticipated part of the job—a 'one-shot thing' that would occur simply due to circumstance. She said what was unusual about Ennis and Jack's case is that the two had fallen into a deep, once-in-a-lifetime kind of love during their time together, thus negating the whole 'one-shot' thing Ennis had declared it to be.

with that in mind, i can see why so many people believed that they never kissed during their initial months of relationship building. They both could have justified it by thinking that as long as they didn't kiss, their tryst didn't mean anything special, nor would it make them queer for going at it like rabbits. Then they both go through the turmoil of losing each other, not knowing why it was they felt so bad about going their separate ways, and go through four long years of silence before "the first sign of life" appears in the form of a postcard.

Jack pulls up in Ennis' driveway, and Ennis is so overcome with joy and desire that first thing his (alcohol-muddled) mind thinks to do is kiss the living daylights out of Jack, and in that moment—as those old forum users had put it—that was basically the first time either of them were able to acknowledge to themselves that the summer on the mountain in '63 meant a whole lot more to them than it should have.

i dunno. i think it's a really interesting subject to think about, one that gets broached in fics very rarely. would like to hear your all's thoughts, if any!

[rkived]

drabble #4: a look back into pediatricsurgeon!jungkook’s and generalsurgeon!reader’s friendship throughout med school. 

or, what those infamous ‘‘med school vibes’’ are all about. 

(hospitalplaylist!au)

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JUNGKOOK’S FIRST YEAR OF MED SCHOOL.

‘‘Okay, let’s begin.’’ 

Taehyung’s face is puffed up, barely awake. Just five minutes ago he was dreaming about being the mayor of Springfield, the fictional town in The Simpsons, and now he’s quizzing his roommate, Jungkook, before his big Pharmacology exam. 

‘‘What’s bioavailability?’’ 

Jungkook hums ‘‘The amount of medication in your blood that’s available to produce an effect.’’ he answers and Taehyung nods, yawning, moving on to the next question.

‘‘What is azithromycin used for?’’

‘‘Viral In─?’’

Taehyung shakes his head no.

‘‘Oh! Bacterial infections!’’ Jungkook corrects himself and receives a nod of approval from his roommate ‘‘Kinda forgot for a second.’’

Taehyung ignores his excuse and continues quizzing him for a few more minutes, the tiredness still evident in his face, but his anxious friend had him slightly worried. 

‘‘Dude, you’re flunking this shit.’’ Taehyung mutters, counting down how many right answers his roommate had gotten ‘‘You only got six out of fifteen questions right.’’

Jungkook mumbles a curse and places his head over his hands. He couldn’t afford to fail this class, Pharmacology was a pain in the ass and he did not want to take it again. 

Taehyung hums as he stares at his nervous friend, his leg bouncing up and down with nervousness. The older friend understood his position, though he didn’t experience much trouble when he took this class two years ago, he had definitely felt pre-exam jitters before. 

‘‘Did you not study or?’’ Taehyung asks him in a gentle tone, not wanting to put him under the spot even more. 

Jungkook sighs and runs his hand through his short hair ‘‘A little, I uh─I was supposed to take a book out from the library to do more research, but a girl from my class wanted it so I gave it to her because━’’

Taehyung’s eyes open wide like saucers and he doesn’t let his younger friend finish his explanation. 

‘‘You gave up a book for a girl? Because she wanted it?’’ 

So long for not wanting to put him under the spot.

Jungkook already felt bad, but the amused tone on Taehyung’s voice made him feel worse. 

He knew it was a dumb decision.  He handed the book over to her a week ago, when he grabbed it and was ready to take it out to study until she popped out of nowhere and asked him if she could have it, pleading eyes and with hands placed together as if she was begging.

And Jungkook was a first year student, he was still slower than his seniors. He was kinda lucky having Taehyung, a third-year student, as his roommate. The more knowledgeable guy had shared with him most of the tips and tricks he needed to know to survive in Med School. 

Though Taehyung was now regretting forgetting to tell him that when it came down to being ‘‘nice’’ to other students, he had to think smartly and be a little selfish. Especially when a big exam was coming up and you weren’t particularly the best student in the class. 

‘‘You’re a dumbass and you’re failing this exam fair and square.’’ 

Jungkook frowns, not appreciating his roommate’s words ‘‘Thanks, I’ll try my best not to.’’ 

With this, he takes his backpack and snatches the papers from Taehyung’s hands. 

---

Which of the following is a short-term side effect of amphetamine?

Constipation

Hair Loss

Suicidal Thoughts

Depression

‘‘Isn’t it all of them?’’ Jungkooks whispers to himself as he reads the options over and over again, getting himself more confused rather than obtaining a clear answer. 

This was a starter question! A basic one, if you may. He knows he’s supposed to be able to answer this without hesitation, but he’s looking at the question as if it was a foreign topic. 

He sighs and decides he’ll come back to it later, maybe the answer will come to him later.

When choosing to supplement, what type of vitamin D do most healthcare professionals prescribe and why?

Cholecalciferol because it cannot cause adverse effects

Vitamin D because there is only one type of supplement available.

Cholecalciferol because it is the naturally occurring form in the body.

None of the answers are correct.

‘‘Fuck, I know this.’’ Jungkook mumbles, hand coming to scratch the side of his head. 

It’s A. 

No, it’s B. 

But what if it’s C? 

It can’t be D, that’s a trick answer and─

‘‘Psst,’’ he hears from behind him, but he’s too deep in thought wondering which option is the right one. ‘‘Pssst,’’ Jungkook’s eyes raise from his paper and into the sea of students taking the exam around him.

Jungkook stares at his Pharmacology professor, sitting on his chair as he tries to stay awake to keep an eye on his 40+ students. The class started at 7 AM and even he hated waking up early.

‘‘Pssssst,’’ he hears again, this time a little more intense and he’s trying his hardest not to turn his head and see where the noise is coming from, fearing he might get mistaken for cheating. 

He decided to ignore the sound and after that, whoever was making the noise, decided to stop as well. 

An hour and a half later, Jungkook was out of the horrible exam and ready to cry it out for a little in his room. He was hoping Taehyung had left for his exams by then. 

If Jungkook could grade his exam he’d give himself a C, nice try kid. 

‘‘Gosh, are you deaf or something?’’ he hears from a voice behind him, turning around to find the girl from the library. The one he had given the Pharma book to, sacrificing himself to please her. ‘‘I was trying to get your attention!’’ she complains and Jungkook’s just staring at her. 

‘‘What?’’ he speaks up, but it comes out as a mere whisper because he’s confused as hell. 

He’s still thinking about the exam and now he has this girl looking at him like he’s a weirdo. 

‘‘I was trying to help you, I saw some of your answers and they were wrong.’’ She explains and his eyebrows raise slightly ‘‘Hair loss is a short-term side effect of amphetamine? Really? That’s basic Pharmaco.’’ 

‘‘What?’’

‘‘And don’t even get me started on your answer for the vitamin D supplement, that was a piece of cake!’’ The girl continues to complain about his wrong answers and Jungkook is left speechless. ‘‘I was gonna give you my answers, which I know are right because I studied, but you never turned around.’’

Jungkook’s brows furrow. 

The reason why he was able to recognize her in the library last week was because she was an avid participant during lectures. Always had something to say, a question to ask, ready to share a random fact that not even the professor knew about. 

Jungkook’s not surprised she didn’t recognize him back then, not even now. He’s the total opposite of her. Never speaks in class, all the questions he wishes he could ask are kept inside his head and he doesn’t know anything about Pharmacology because everything is a big question mark to him.

‘‘You studied because of me.’’ he states and her eyes go wide like saucers.

‘‘Whu─?’’ It seems that the realization doesn’t hit her after her eyes narrow at him and a lightbulb lights up over her head ‘‘Oh! You’re the guy from the library! You gave me the book!’’ 

‘‘Yeah,’’ Jungkook replies bitterly ‘‘so if my answers are wrong, it’s because of you little Ms. Know-It-All.’’ 

He’s had enough of this and he still wants to cry, the added tension of this random girl mocking his failure has become another reason as to why he needs to get to his dorm room immediately. 

But she won’t let up so easily. 

‘‘Wait!’’ she says, grabbing Jungkook’s arm as a way to stop him, but the taller guy yanks her hand away and continues to walk as she trails behind him ‘‘I swear I didn’t know then you were my classmate! I even asked you if you needed the book, you said no.’’ 

That was true, but Jungkook’s a first year student who obviously thinks being nice will get him A’s on his exams. He doesn’t need books. Being nice will get him that degree. 

Jungkook shrugs it off, but she’s relentless and holds onto his backpack straps instead. 

‘‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so bitchy,’’ she apologizes as Jungkook continues to drag her through the building’s hall, hoping she’ll let go of his straps soon. ‘‘I just got frustrated because I really wanted to help you and—Ow!’’ 

Jungkook suddenly stopping makes her collide with his back abruptly, he gasps and quickly turns around to find her massaging her forehead that’s now sporting a red mark from the impact. 

‘‘It’s okay, I deserve it! Karma, right?’’ she chuckles and he sighs. 

‘‘If I forgive you will you leave me alone?’’ 

She frowns with a pout ‘‘No,’’ she states and he groans ‘‘because if you get a low grade, I’ll feel extremely guilty.’’ 

‘‘Then you’ll just have to live with it, I guess.’’ he shrugs. 

Jungkook promises he’s usually not like this. 

She ignores him instead ‘‘If you get a low grade, you can take the exam again! Professor Lee is really nice and understanding—”

“I know nothing about this class.” Jungkook interjects firmly, hoping that it serves as an answer for her.

She hums “I can help you study!” she offers and he looks at her with surprise “Not to brag, but I’m really good at Pharmaco.” she smiles, but it comes off as less than humble to him.

Jungkook would rather flunk this class than have her tutor him. Actually, he rather have Taehyung flick him on the head every time he gives a wrong answer until he gets them right.

She can tell he’s about to say no and so she pleads “Please! Please let me help! It’s the least I can do.” 

Her begging is very reminiscent of the one she did in the library last week. Jungkook had to give it to her, she could throw quite a convincing act.

And free tutoring is a hard offer to come by. One thing that reigned over med students was this superiority complex, the “I’m a better student than you” idea that would blind people into thinking they shouldn’t help their peers. 

So, yes, maybe she was annoying and a little bitchy, but just like Jungkook, she’s just being nice. 

He sighs with defeat “Alright, I’ll take your help.” 

She gasps with surprise and claps her hands with excitement, making the taller guy laugh through his nose. 

“I’ll give you my number! You can call or text me if you need any help.” she quickly adds and it’s not like he can object because she’s already writing her number down on a pink post-it note. 

“Y/N?” he reads the name once she hands the piece of paper over, she smiles and nods. 

“At your service! I’m good with Pharmaco, Biochem, and Pathology!” she informs and he nods slightly “Don’t ask me about microbiology, though, it’s my weak spot.” she shyly admits

His eyes light up at the mention of his favorite course “I love that class!” he comments and you tilt your head to the side, how could he possibly? “If you need help, you can ask me!” 

You both smile at each other, realizing this small deed turned out to be perfect for you both.

—

JUNGKOOK’S THIRD YEAR OF MED SCHOOL.

“Could you like—stop that?” You mumble, pushing Jungkook off of your shoulder as the sleepy guy shuffles in the tiny space of your bed “Jungkook, seriously! We have a test tomorrow, you wanna flunk it?”

He yawns “You’ll help me if I do.” 

“That was a one time thing only,” you narrow your eyes at him “this time it’s not gonna be on me!”

You try to make some sense into your friend, but he’s not bugging at all. Though you try to understand, you’ve been cramming neurology concepts for the past four hours with no breaks in between. 

Sometimes you forget Jungkook’s study method is very different from yours.

“Shhh,” Jungkook hushes you with his eyes closed and a frown in his brows “‘’M trynna sleep.” 

Jungkook falls asleep to the sound of your mumbling complaints about how he’d fail the test and how you’d have to help him like you always do. He smiles to himself because your bed is really comfy and the air freshener that you spray every other hour smells like fresh laundry. 

You stare at him, peacefully snoring into your pillow, mouth slightly open as he breathes in and out. You should be angry, he was the one who proposed studying together after all.

But all you do is cover him with your favorite fuzzy blanket and pat his shoulder before you go back to the lessons in your book.

The silence is comfortable. It helps you study better and it gives him peace as he dreams of whatever. It’s always like this for you two.

—

JUNGKOOK’S FIFTH YEAR OF MED SCHOOL.

The packed boxes and bags placed on Taehyung’s bed throw Jungkook off because it finally hits him that, after five years of rooming with the older friend, he’d have to find a new roommate.

He enters a frenzied state of questions in his head.

Is my new roommate going to be messy?

Is my new roommate going to listen to music so loud I won’t be able to sleep?

Will my new roommate hate video games and won’t let me play my FPSGs? 

Jungkook hadn’t realized how well of a dynamic he and Taehyung shared until today. Always thought that they kept rooming because they were friends and not because they actually were able to coexist with each other.

And now that Taehyung’s graduating, Jungkook is left to wonder what will happen next.

He was in that state of mind all day long. 

When he watched his soon-to-be ex roommate pack his belongings in boxes that were divided by categories. As he sat in the crowd of attendees for that semester’s graduates, Taehyung in between the handful of fresh new M.Ds. And now, as his fellow group of friends were singing their drunk asses off into the microphone of the karaoke room they had rented for the night.

Jungkook doesn’t know what song Taehyung and Namjoon are singing, but it’s definitely one that came out when he was just a baby. 

“You know you look really funny when you space out, right?” 

He blinks and you’re sitting next to him, giving him a raised brow as you wait for him to answer. 

Jungkook’s been told this multiple times, mostly by you. His doe eyes go wide, mouth shut into a line as he just stares into space and even he would like to know what it is that goes through his head during those moments, he always seems to forget when he comes back to reality.

“I’m so glad those two decided to become doctors instead of singers.” you joke, looking over at the two friends who were trying, but failing, at reaching a high note. 

He doesn’t laugh, though. 

“Are you okay?” you carefully ask, noticing his unusual behavior. Jungkook was…a special kid, for the most part. But you weren’t used to looking at him this quiet and so out of place. “Should I worry?” 

Jungkook shakes his head no and sighs, realizing his mood is changing yours as well and this is supposed to be a happy occasion, because Taehyung just graduated and he should be excited for his friend.

“Ahhh, I see,” you say with a nod, realization hitting you “you’re sad ‘cause Taehyungie is leaving, right?”.

“No.” Jungkook mumbles, hoping that it was convincing enough for you to buy, but he knows that you rarely ever let up.

You smile, finding it endearing how he’s embarrassed to admit that it does hurt. You’ve been there before when Namjoon graduated two years ago and you were a sobbing mess because it felt as if your older brother was leaving and never coming back. 

It sucked that Jungkook and you were the youngest ones in the friend group. You didn’t get to interact much with the older friends due to how ahead they were of you both, but they served as good mentors as you and he made your way along Med School.

“If it makes you feel better, you still have me.” you say with a smile and a squeeze to his shoulder, Jungkook stares back at you with an expression you can’t quite pinpoint “Only two more years.”

Saying it out loud feels unreal. He actually has stuck it out for that long. And as he stares at you giggling about your drunken singing friends, Jungkook realizes he hasn’t been alone during this journey.

You have to pretend his unwavering eyes are not making you feel under pressure.

—

JUNGKOOK’S SEVENTH AND FINAL YEAR IN MED SCHOOL.

“If you don’t tell her now, you probably never will!”

Jungkook gulps as he fixes his robe in front of the mirror. Taehyung is behind him, glaring at him with so much force that the soon-to-be graduate feels like he has to hide.

“Why would I tell her?” Jungkook mumbles “It’s just a silly crush, that’s it.” 

And it’s true, just a silly crush! One that he had been hiding for the last couple of years until a few weeks ago, when his friends took him out drinking, between drunken words he had confessed to his older friends the feelings he had been harbouring for you. 

“We know.” they all said in unison

And ever since then, they —especially Taehyung— had been pushing him into coming clean to you. With graduation happening today, it felt like it was Jungkook’s last chance to tell you before it was too late. 

He knows where you’re going to specialize after this and he knows he won’t see you for a couple of years and vice versa.

Jungkook will be able to go on about his life and get over whatever he’s feeling for you and that gives the opportunity for you to continue ahead with the idea that he’s your best friend and that he’s never felt anything for you. 

“Because maybe she feels the same way!” Taehyung argues and by the look on his face, it’s clear that he’s frustrated with his youngest friend “Like, y’know how Y/N is super smart, right?” He asks and Jungkook nods “Well, every time she’s around you she goes dumb! That’s the love effect.” 

Jungkook chuckles at his friend’s comment. The idea of you liking him back is actually sweet, makes his heart beat a little faster. But it’s just that, a mere thought. 

Because in reality, you’re always smart and never dumb enough to like him back.

He has a front row seat as you receive your diploma, the biggest smile on your face as you pose for the cameras and thank your adviser. Spotting Jungkook in the crowd as he claps excitedly for you, you send a wink his way, making his heart flutter in the process. 

And he feels like he should tell you. What’s the worst that could happen? 

Losing his dignity? He lost it years ago.

Rejection? He can handle it, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Congrats, grad!” you say with excitement, after finding each other in the crowd of families and graduates “We did it!” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook chuckles, his heart is full of endearment as he watches you bounce with excitement in your heels “we made it, barely.” 

His heart is yelling at him to just do it now. He won’t have time later, what with your family wanting to take you out to celebrate and maybe his group of friends suggesting the usual post-grad Karaoke night. This is probably the last time Jungkook will be able to have you alone. 

In the corner of his eye he’s able to spot Taehyung, he’s far away but it’s clear that he’s dramatically mouthing TELL HER NOW! Seokjin, Namjoon and Yoongi are behind him, tugging at his suit’s sleeves so they’re able to drag him out of sight. 

“Hey, so…” Jungkook doesn’t mean for his voice to come out so shaky and you look at him with glowing eyes, excitement still bubbling in you “Uhm—“ 

Say it, you idiot. Just say it.

“Where are you going out to eat?” 

Fuck.

You chuckle as you tell him they’ll probably take you to some BBQ place and suggest if he would like to come. Jungkook quickly denies the offer and a few seconds later, you’re telling him that you should go and find your family.

Not before giving him a big hug and a kiss to his cheek, a friendly one “Don’t get too drunk tonight!” 

Oh, yeah... 

The worst thing that could happen if he tells you how he feels is that he’ll ruin your friendship. No biggie, right?

And you’ve been there for far too long, have put up with him through all his shenanigans, been too nice to him and he won’t fuck all of that up just because of a silly crush. 

Jungkook’s left to watch as you hurriedly spot your family, jumping with excitement into your father’s arms. The next second Taehyung is pulling at his ear, scolding him because he knows the graduate didn’t confess. 

He’s calling his older friends for help, but they let Taehyung have this, just this once. 

a/n: hello!! i decided to write this bc for the past drabbles the ‘‘med school vibes’’ have been mentioned n here’s a backstory to jk n reader’s friendship back then. i think this is a lil too long to be considered a drabble but wtvr. i did research those pharmaco questions n verified with my med student friends to fact check them lol hope all is well <3

[electraheart2012]

thoughts on the andrea chu article abt a little life? i think a lot of people who hvnt read the book r hitching their wagon to “trauma porn” as a primary criticism for that book…. is it just me who found so many moments of love and the intensity of human condition highlighted thru out? i agree certain aspects of the book are messed up but i feel like the article criticises it for all the wrong reasons? calling it trauma porn especially is so offensive when it doesn’t glorify trauma in any way..

I liked the article mostly tbh. I thought it didn't dig deep enough into what the trauma porn really signified in terms of both the current literary landscape and hanya's own views, etc—she touched on hanya's views briefly like with the therapy, but i think it would've benefited from a more indepth analysis of those elements. i also wonder if the article would've been more incisive if it had had input from a black reader who had read a little life or was familiar with yanagiharas work. but overall i think it was a very promising signal of the tide shifting to be less blindingly adoring of a little life.

AND PLEASEEE ur not, those 2 things were like the main part of the praise for it and the reason for most peoples (including mine unfortunately) enduring care for it lol, like in the reviews i read after the 1st time i read they really tended to focus on the the relationships between the characters and the ~Commentary on human existence😭😭 those can still be elements that are important to people AND be undermined by, like, the trauma porn in the story. but yeah like the thing is for me, a little life is complicated bc when i find it beautiful it is so very beautiful but when it is in the trenches of abuse/self harm or trying to exist in a vaccuum wrt said abuse or race, it is just fucking awful. i agree with you that the book doesn't glorify trauma but it absolutely fetishises and exploits it. the extensive depictions of jude cutting himself are stomach turning and like, the reverential tone jude takes towards self harm in those scenes (that it cleanses him, etc) that are meant to show the extent of jude's obsession with it and all, just give it this weird fetishistic tone where i can understand why people would see it as glorification.

I also think that it's important to consider the main reason that people hitch their criticisms to it being trauma porn, either having read it or not, is because it is so central to the narrative. there is no avoiding it. after a certain point, jude is barely a character outside of his trauma, despite all evidence we're told to the contrary. there are absolutely other issues, youre right—the most glaring ones to me are hanyas refusal to write developed women around her men (which i really wish alc had covered what with the article literally being called hanyas BOYS), and her lackadaisical attitude toward racial and sexual identity, but i think that those can get swept away under the deluge of, like, jude literally getting his skin fried two different times. i've read the book 2½ times and i come back to it because i like how sprawingly it's overwritten and how the relationships progress, but i think it has a LOT of fucking issues and i am glad that the mainstream literary consensus is slowly starting to give way to that fact. sorry if this doesn't make sense in places i've written it like 5 different times today and my brain is revision mush lol