#i tried really hard to pair up buck and frank but the mutuals i wanted to match with them already had someone

[georgieluz]

oh ok then.! what about pairing your mutuals with band of brothers but as a couple.? ex: mutual x band of brother character.? with who your mutuals would be good with.?

ohhh wait sorry my brain is all over the place today. you said matchmake them with my mutuals, not cast them as. my bad! i shall provide the goods! i'll matchmake like my life depends on it!

(disclaimer: if you're aroace and i was unaware and paired you with someone consider it platonic! bc platonic pairings are just as important when it comes to vibes)

dick winters → @merriell-allesandro-shelton i think he'd be good for you! he'd be very calming and would bring a sense of stability amongst the chaos of life. i also think you'd be able to appreciate his dry sense of humour and he'd feel more at home and at ease bc of that.

lewis nixon → this was the hardest one and there were both too many choices and too little choices. there are a few people that would be obvious picks and way too predictable so i'm giving myself a challenge and i'm gonna pair all the nix stans with other characters :)

harry welsh → can i choose myself? come on, i'm literally your resident harry welsh stan!! no? ok, fine, @iceman-kazansky then! bc you're a fellow harry welsh appreciator and i trust you to dote on that man as much as i do!

carwood lipton → @theflyingfin bc you deserve the amount of love he would give! and i do think you would work well together. he'd appreciate your depth and willingness to express your emotions and just yeah, i'm speaking it into the ether

ron speirs → @hellofanidea. no i will not elaborate. ok i'm kidding i will slightly elaborate. this is one of those "push two people together bc you're curious about what would happen" so i am pushing you two together on account of a hunch that the result would be intriguing

bill guarnere → @cody-helix02 hello bud, you're getting guarnere bc i think you've got the perfect mix of chaos and lowkey softness that would work perfectly with him! y'know, you'd laugh a lot together but you could also ground each other, and i just think you'd have a very charming time together.

joe liebgott → @lamialamia bc i think your personalities would match pretty well. you both say what you think and what's on your mind so i think you'd both appreciate that openness and it would make communication a lot easier. i think your sense of humour would match well with his as well. yeah. i support it!

johnny martin → @cchickki you wouldn't be intimated by his grouchiness and i think it would be a fun match!

joe toye → @blood-mocha-latte. you'd give him the love and appreciation he deserves! i like the balance of how aesthetic you are and how abrupt he can seem on the outside? it makes sense in my head i swear!

eugene roe → @footprintsinthesxnd. i know you've been in a dick obsessed phase lately but you'll always be for gene in my eyes! otp for the ages!!!

george luz → @deadhoodwalking just vibes y'know

david webster → @starlordsatellite a good match up and i think you'd bring the fun out in him too??

babe heffron → @teabights do i feel like you'd make each other more chaotic? yes i do. do i support it with my whole chest? YES I DO

skip muck → @ep6bastogne i know i chose him for you in the cast your mutuals one but i think part of that was just from how well i think your vibes match? idk like i just think you'd have the best dates. y'know that couple that are really fun to hang out with in a group? yeah. that's you guys. fuck it, i ship it.

floyd talbert → me? sorry ok i swear i'll shut up. he's just so fucking pretty. ok back to business.. @hxad-ovxr-hxart don't question my methods the universe is telling me this is the right choice

alton more → @blvestxr (it would feel absolutely criminal to choose anyone else at this point but also you understand him and that's all he could ask for in a partner really.. someone who can see past the surface level stuff.. so yeah, 10/10 pairing)

shifty powers → @mads-weasley for some reason this just makes sense and popped into my head instantly?

chuck grant → @jump-wings. i feel like your aesthetics AND personalities just match nicely? does that make sense? it does to me so i say that's reason enough!

don malarkey → @lewis-winters bc you'd either balance each other out or it'd be a "fix him? i'm gonna make him worse" kinda situation that i'd be down to see unfold

this was a mess i'm sorry

i tried ok

don't fight me

you're stuck with them now

forever :)

[kiruuuuu]

Thank you so much for allowing me to conclude the unholy trilogy of Doc’s and Jäger’s mutual suffering, anon! For anyone interested, this is part 1 and this is part 2 - though in this case, neither of them are required to read the following snippet. I hope you enjoy ♥♥ (Rating E, smut/humour, ~2.2k words)

.

“You said it’s going to go away on its own”, Jäger states, frustration clearly visible in his face. He’s unable to sit still, shuffling on the chair and digging his nails into his thighs. It’s obvious he can deal with this, uh, affliction less composedly than Doc who peeks at him over his screen from the other side of the desk.

“I did say that”, he replies evenly and presses his lips together at the email being displayed on the monitor right now. “It seems I was wrong, however. A colleague has run into the same substance in California before and she seems to suggest to, um, take matters into one’s own hands.”

The German stares at him in disbelief. “I told you, I tried it, it doesn’t work. I can’t – I can’t finish.”

Doc is fucking tired. They completed a mission earlier that day which almost went off without a hitch, a clean infiltrate and extract, no casualties, an extremely satisfying result. Except for the fact that he and also Jäger breathed in some of the unidentified powder Smoke stirred up when he erroneously shot one of the crates standing around. The effect was… immediate. The two exchanged scandalised gazes to confirm it wasn’t just them feeling like this and awkwardly adjusted their uniforms, taking extra care not to undress in the presence of their colleagues. Doc claimed not to be affected to the rest of their team and hid in the safety of his office whereas Jäger made the mistake of mentioning the, er, effect of the drug to Bandit. Resulting in both of them being chased around by a horny German hoping to get some simply based on the fact that neither of the two have their most intimate parts under their control.

Therefore, Doc is sitting at his desk with a raging erection which is slowly starting to become painful. He kept his hands off it whereas Jäger didn’t display the same kind of self-control, attempted to alleviate the problem himself yet only seemed to make it much worse. It apparently takes all his discipline not to expose and satisfy himself right then and there.

“Well what did she do?”

Doc squints at the monitor. “She… made her girlfriend very happy that day, it seems.”

“Oh my fucking God. I’m going to implode, Doc, I need to do something about this.”

“From what she tells me, an orgasm diminishes the effects and encourages blood flow, so it’s recommended. With her, it lasted the entire day but she, well, seems to have ingested more than we did. So we might be lucky and it’ll all be over in a few hours.”

“It’s been at least two hours. My dick is going to fall off in the meantime. Does she have any suggestions on how to actually get off?”

“The use of specially designed toys seems to be -”

“Fuck, yes. Great idea, I’ve got tons of those at home, I hope you do, too. Otherwise, good luck suffering!” Jäger jumps up and eagerly turns to the door but stops when Doc calls his name the way a parent would call a misbehaving child.

“You’re not going to drive in this state. You’re a liability. Besides, you’d draw attention to yourself – even more than you already did – and I refuse, outright refuse to let anyone know about this. I have a reputation to lose. You can’t disappear right after a mission, not when the only explanation you can offer is your heightened state of sexual arousal necessitating immediate care.”

Jäger pauses and looks down at the very obvious bulge in his trousers. “I guess that’s not an acceptable excuse to go home early, is it?”, he responds sadly and sinks back onto the chair. “So what then? I don’t suppose you’ve got some dildos in your office?”

“If it’s just for a few hours more, there shouldn’t be any lasting damage. How about you just ignore it for now and -”

“I can’t. It got worse when I tried to jerk off and now it’s just… I can’t even think straight. It’s like when it’s spring or summer and everyone’s wearing short sleeves or no sleeves at all, oh God, all those pronounced muscles and sweaty bodies, and the -”

Doc pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “Look. From the way it sounds, having a partner might do the trick.”

“There’s no way in hell I’m letting Dom touch me. He’d probably just tease me and then my dick will really fall off.”

A sigh. “While I do agree that he’s not the answer, there’s an alternative. We could just…” He makes a vague gesture and earns an uncomprehending stare in return. He wonders briefly whether Jäger’s brain always commits suicide every time he’s aroused, which admittedly would explain quite a few things, and simply gets up to lock the door before reclaiming his seat. “We can keep this among ourselves.”

Now he finally gets it. “But you said we were never gonna do this again, did -”

“I did say that. Once again, I appear to have been mistaken as I could not factor in the frankly ridiculous coincidence of the two of us finding ourselves in this predicament. Now get over here and shut up.” He observes Jäger basically jumping to his feet once more, a mixture of relief and excitement written in his features as he straddles Doc, already unbuttoning his own jeans. Now that his erection is freed, there’s nothing stopping him from touching it and suddenly Doc has an involuntarily randy German masturbating on his lap. He sighs and rolls the chair around a little, gathers a pair of latex gloves, a bottle of lubricant and, just to be safe, a few condoms. Jäger is so blissfully stroking himself that he barely notices anything happening around him, leaning back and propping himself up on the heavy desk behind him as he starts bucking his hips into his fist.

Doc tries not to let the sight get to him, puts the white gloves on and covers his fingers in lube before swatting Jäger’s hand away so he can wrap his own around the rock hard member. His own erection twitches at the contact, at the feel of it in his hand, at the warmth and the moan that has Jäger arch his back and for a second, Doc considers joining in. But no, he’s the responsible one here; in a way, Jäger is his patient and his well-being is in his hands – literally. He can’t allow his own lust to take precedence. Slowly, he begins sliding his fist up and down, wrenching a few pleading whispers from Jäger, who seems wholly lost in his pleasure, before he speeds up and tightens his grip.

It seems that he’s not doing anything wrong if the broken sounds stemming from Jäger’s throat and the way he trembles are any indication: the German’s eyes have rolled back into his skull and his hips meet Doc’s every stroke yet he doesn’t seem to be getting any closer for some reason. He’s almost there, just shy of the real thing, claws at the wooden surface under his hands, squirms under the decisive touches and moans continuously – but he doesn’t come. Maybe he needs more stimulation or just a different kind. Doc has his patient undress his lower half and lie down on the desk, adds copious amounts of lube and pushes one finger inside Jäger without asking, prompting a disbelieving gasp which almost immediately morphs into a throaty moan at the sensation.

Doc manages to work three fingers into him before giving up. He has to admit, Jäger takes them like a champ, grinds against them in a manner sensual enough to appeal to Doc’s most primal urges – and if he’s even more frank, he’s starting to understand Jäger’s desperation earlier. The incessant pull of his arousal is nigh impossible to ignore by now, being fed by the view in front of him, Jäger’s unbridled enthusiasm and the fact that it’d be so easy to just…

“Do it”, Jäger tells him breathlessly as if he’s read his thoughts. “Fuck me. You know you want to.”

He does want to. How did Jäger know? The lower half of his body throbs in anticipation and it’s a matter of seconds to discard the slippery gloves, open his trousers, rip open a wrapper and roll on a condom before he can finally, finally sink into this tight, delicious heat. Both of them are moaning now, Jäger wraps his legs around the Frenchman’s waist and pulls him in until he’s fully buried inside and it’s divine. Never before in Doc’s life has anything felt this good, his dick is pulsing gratefully and when Jäger murmurs: “Oh shit, yeah, that’s so fucking hot.” – Doc can only agree.

Right away, they chase their own release, Doc snapping his hips forward relentlessly and Jäger meeting his hard thrusts with his own hips while wanking with abandon. It’s carnal and unrestrained, both of them letting loose in favour of simply enjoying the bright hot pleasure their movements cause. Doc’s brain cares not for any of his previous concerns and is utterly preoccupied with the feel of Jäger’s insides, the sensation of him clenching around him, the fast thrusts that promise relief without delivering.

By the time Jäger comes, they’re both soaked in sweat, have foregone more dramatic motions for the most efficient ones, Doc slamming into him with short, deep thrusts as Jäger writhes and mewls and then – then he reaches his climax with a strangled cry. His body comes alive once more, pulls Doc in and speeds up his hands before ejaculating, spurting all over his t-shirt without a care in the world. He’s loud and it seems violent, makes him shudder and gasp for air but all Doc cares about are the contractions around his own cock. He continues his thrusts throughout Jäger’s orgasm, reaches deep with every thrust, his own climax in sight, treading ever closer to the edge.

When he’s finally pushed over, Jäger is fully hard again and moving against him insistently, grinding on him as an overwhelming sense of relief washes over Doc, his release sweet and brutal simultaneously. It’s elating and forceful at the same time, has his thighs tremble and unknown noises escape his throat. Wave after wave hits him as he comes deep, feels himself throb as Jäger almost rides him by now.

There’s a brief moment of clarity, right when the heavenly feeling subsides, a few sober seconds during which Doc’s mind regains control of him and thinks: This isn’t good. We should stop doing this.

But he’s still hard and even worse, he’s still aroused and Jäger is looking at him with a glint in his eye. “Let me suck you off and then eat you out.”

And both of those options sound equally appealing right now.

.

When he can think clearly again, he’s sitting on the floor in front of his desk, legs outstretched and naked, the upper half of his clothes rumpled and messy and his penis finally, finally not stiff anymore. He’s physically exhausted to a worrying extent, probably dehydrated and faintly dizzy. He’s pretty sure Jäger is draped over his chair behind him in an uncomfortable position as the low whining seems to come from that direction.

“I’m never sleeping with anyone again”, Doc mumbles and earns an affirmative grunt from the puddle behind him.

“I can’t feel my legs. I didn’t even know you could do that. The last position was -”

“Yes. Let’s not talk about it. Ever.”

The room reeks of sweat and sex, there are clothes, a troubling amount of wrappers as well as actual condoms and a long day’s worth of gloves strewn about and both of them are in desperate need of a shower. He’s not sure how much time has passed or whether they were so loud anyone heard it and dearly hopes no medical emergencies arose in the meantime. When there’s a knock on the door, he can’t even bring himself to panic due to the deep-seated fatigue weighing him down.

“Doc? Is everything alright in there?” It’s Blitz, sounding concerned – he has all reason to, is probably looking for his teammate and finds it odd that the office would be locked.

“Splendid”, Doc calls back drily which is accentuated by a snort from Jäger. Neither of them are moving.

“Can you – can you unlock the door?”

“I’d rather not, if I’m honest.” Another snort. There is no way he’s letting anyone see them in this state, wrong conclusions would be drawn and God knows he’s suffered under too many of those already. He’s only recently managed to convince his close family that Jäger and he are neither secretly married nor about to marry nor together in the first place – the last thing he needs would be workplace gossip on top of that.

“It’s just… Bandit was, uh, doing inappropriate things in front of the door and Tachanka found him. And he said that there was something going on inside which -” A pause. “Look, I don’t mean to pry or judge, but… during work? Really?”

Doc is so. Fucking. Tired.