#i tried to sort it so ppl could find things theyd be interested in as a starting point

[duodusk]

So I finally made a page to collect some of my RTVS stream recommendations!

You can check it out here if you're interested! Feel free to share anywhere you want, I tried to get a good variety of some of my favorite streams on here so people new to RTVS or who've been around for a while can hopefully find something they're interested in :]

[ambathy]

behind the scenes info;

way back in the very beginning when i first started even considering among us OCs i knew i was probably going to have Black with the whole plague dr ensemble, but the basic story idea i had had was. a bit different than what it is now. (not that right now its rly much of a ‘story’ more like a collection of parts, but anyway)

originally i was gonna do a sort of, role reversal type thing. I wanted a human crewmate (which wouldve been Black in this case) and an alien impostor (which at the time I had decided would be Yellow), and it wouldve started out like a normal game of AU.

This Black wouldve been more, idk, put together? methodical? intelligent and seemingly unflappable? also the ships doctor.

and Yellow wouldve likely been more of a newbie impostor, not rly sure what theyre doing but trying their best

i was gonna have Black find Yellow out pretty early, but they were more interested in learning about Yellow than ejecting them.

anyway, yadda, yadda time goes on, they sort of become? almost? friends? more so on Yellow’s part, than Black’s.

eventually they would end up swapping over into Black becoming an imp, in the sense that eventually they become sort of disillusioned with the whole crew and end up deciding ‘actually i dont like any of you people, or people in general for that matter’ and theyd start murdering; meanwhile Yellow becomes more of a crewmate; they actually like everyone and are having a pretty ok time

Black tries to get Yellow to help but ends up more or less just having to blackmail them into not saying anything because Black IS killing ppl but if Yellow even thinks about telling Black has a lot of evidence to back up a claim against them and get them ejected. so.

it was fun to consider, but i probably wont do anything with this and i wanted to share a bit of HISTORY of what COULD HAVE BEEN.

still interesting to see how we went from this to what we have now

[gadaursan]

Worldbuilding shenanigans for my self indulgent KHR x BNHA AU so far because I want to make the multichapter fever dream I have in my notes but I can’t until I have established rules:

Flame system is cancelled, everyone’s Flames are reconfigured as really strong, stupidly complicated, or actually well implemented Quirks. This is for my sanity. Fight me.

Rewritten Tsuna’s Dying Will Mode in general is either the most complicated Quirk to explain or the most awful Quirk to have because you literally cannot figure out its power unless you got killed a lot

Will write some sort of index long post discussion about this once the main 10th gen kids are figured out

I’m going to forget that the Shimon Arc turned into an absolute mess but I have no idea how I would have rewritten it... yet

I love Enma and Adelheid with all my heart, I just... have no idea what they’d be doing at that time

Daemon Spade is still an ass regardless of what plot would be a replacement for the latter half of the Shimon Arc

Tempted to make AFO responsible for the stupid shit the Shimons went through but would that be too out there and weird?

Trinisette is also cancelled. Fight me on this, too.

Shit I have no idea how Arcobaleno works now. Why did I do this?

Reborn still obligated to be a baby for a couple years before he gets to age properly ofc

I realized I fucked up really bad when I said Tsuna destroyed turned Vongola into a Pro Hero organization like...

How the fuck did the Vindice let Tsuna get away with breaking Omerta like this?

Did the Vindice die because All for One was like “gimme some of that dying will bullshit” but Tsuna gave him the middle finger and took his entire family/allies with him, maybe froze his ass just a little bit???

How the fuck did Xanxus agree to this unless he’s so fucking whipped for the Vongola after he got over his “fuck the Vongola establishment I do things my way” or he’s just interested in keeping Vongola strong regardless of who they side with????

In fact, how the fuck did the entire Varia decide “yeah mini boss is totally right let’s stop killing people as much and do all that fluffy cute hero shit”???

The only outcome I see is Lussuria and Mammon actually adjusting the best because Lussuria would be actually good at training/babying Pro Heroes and Mammon doesn’t really care how the money is made so long as they get money

Bel is a whole nother issue I don’t want to think about right now

I fucked up so bad hahahahaha shoot me

A side of angst because Tsuna turning the Vongola Pro Hero was probably a half stupid and difficult decision that likely lost some close allies and friends and family

Who died you ask? Beats me

Probably Iemetsu, not because I don’t like him, but he probably was on the top of AFO’s shitlist when AFO was tried to take over the mafia

Also Nono because somethings going to make Tsuna be Decimo for a bit and AFO would probably make it happen so he could try to influence this kid to take his side (it failed miserably)

Quietly calculates what would happen if I killed fan favorites too

I totally forgot why Deku would need to be involved with the Vongola aside from Tsuna going “wow my buddy Sir Nighteye was training these kids I wanna be friends with them and make sure they’re doing okay after he died”

Part of me wants to gamble on the Dad For One theory so Tsuna has some not so nice reasons to befriend Deku as an extra middle finger to All for One because he’d probably know all about it somehow

Other part of me says “ho don’t do it” because I hate writing with potentially jossed big theories

Will probably find a less speculative motivation later

How does Vongola still make so much money if not many ppl outside of heroes know who the fuck they are and they divested themselves of all most of the shady business practices???

IDK maybe they make the majority wealth from their business and support division who have a huge monopoly in the distribution of parts used for support equipment (ofc they won’t call themselves something as obvious as Vongola they’d be like something quaint like Giannini’s or something)

Like making a whole ass customized suit for a bunch of heroes on a massive scale is hard, there are proabably standard equipment and parts for things as simple as the containers that hold Bakugo’s sweat like no way one design company can make everything from scratch, customized or not

Or maybe the reason they help do dirty jobs for the Pro Heroes and get paid handsomely for it because they don’t fit in the dichotomy of the heroes and villains

The freshly recruited Vongola Pro Heroes must get along REALLY WELL with the Mafioso turned Pro Heroes /s

They probably adore the 10th Gen as bosses for being fair and sorta okay (?) people

Heaven forbid the ones that Xanxus brings onto the Varia like training for the Varia is probably like “forget all the shit you learned in school you’re gonna kill a dude for the Pro Heroes”

Either that or they’re probably happier about the slightly better freedom of not being held to the court of public opinion so they’re far rougher than the Billboard ranked Pro Heroes (I still can’t get over how Pro Heroes are ranked like pop stars in this world)

Oh my god Hero Killer Stain would hate the Vongola so much...

Probably may have to resort to potential major original characters to serve as antagonists for the fic probably to challenge the Vongola’s new policy to be more in line with heroes

Was potentially setting up a return of the Todougumi (mentioned in the Shie Hassaikai arc as having been destroyed)

Also likely some mafia family who resent the Vongola deeply for not honoring Omerta even after the Vindice could not longer uphold it

Tsuna probably has plans to not make the Vongola absolutely private after all and wants them to go public and so shit happens and it throws a wrench in those plans probably because since when has anything Tsuna done go smoothly?

The Public Safety Commission probably made Hawks work with Vongola to get pointers on how to properly infiltrate the League

I have not read/watched Reborn in years, so my memory of everyone’s characters is probably so out of whack where Tsuna is probs snarkier than canon and is a little nuts after too much exposure to mafia bullshit

[sarcasticlykaeon-blog]

Caught Between Worlds

Stuck. Thats how it felt, every hour of every day, for as long as I could remember. Like i was some sort of freak, on the outside looking in. I can remember when i was small, barely old enough to really walk and talk, two and a half, three...and i hated dresses. I hated pink. I hated lace and frills. If i could choose or make my will known it was pants. Tshirts and sweatshirts. Childrens overalls. I hated games in preschool. The girls always wanted to play house, with husbands and babies in some sort of elaborate roleplay. The boys wouldnt let me play with them. "No girls," theyd say. "You wont know how," or "girls arent any good at this. Go play with dolls." somehow...just because i didnt have the same lower regions i wasnt good enough. So i played alone, with blocks or toys, making up elaborate adventures or stories in the process. My mother, my aunts, my grandmother...they all wanted me to be a girl. They tried to take me underwing in baking, playing with makeup, dressup, dolls...they tried to teach me about playing with hair. Me? I just wanted to test out the new computer, watch ninja turtles, and kick butt like she-ra. My one concession to female marketed programs was Jem...but honestly? I loved the story and drama, not the glamour, glitter, fashion, or fame. I was the oldest...five years between me and my brother meant i was dads son substitute until i was almost 11. I learned things like changing the oil in a car, ms-dos programming and how to kick ass in Doom, how to tackle and fight back if grabbed by a bigger opponent. Of course...the instant my middle brother was old enough to do son things....fwip! I was ignored. About the only thing i could get the old man to do was D&D. My grandfather insisted it was a phase i would grow out of, that id become a seeker of a strong man and an actual woman eventually. My mother tried to force me to conform to gender standards. My aunt was disappointed. My father only started caring about gender normativity when i hit puberty. I never told them things like "i want to grow up to be a boy" because even at three, i knew it didnt work that way, on some instinctual level. But i dod wail and growl about the unfairness. Why is x okay for boys but not girls? Why are girls expected to be like this but boys arent? And the answer...oh the answer just upset me and angered me. "Because youre expected to be a young lady." By puberty, the words "young lady" were guarenteed to trigger a huge emotional fit of rage...but i couldnt explain why. Just like the fact that i had to fight for my place amidst whatever boys lived in the neighborhood. I had to work twice as hard to prove i was worthy of being allowed to hang out...and still they sought to ditch me at every opportunity. School was even worse. I was overly tall, strong, and hyper intelligent. I was part of the "Gifted Program" (which in most school systems is naught but busy work or a careful way to set up classes in high school to fix the averages of a class.) I was, in every concievable way the outcast. And then puberty found me. Early. The first time i bled in sixth grade, i cried myself to sleep, hiding blood ruined underwear in the back of my closet until i could throw it away. I didnt tell my mother until i was sixteen--hiding this horrid, agonizingly painful thing that happened to me once a month. When i grew breasts i hated them. I hated bras. And of course, i have breasts that grew huge. I survive with super tight sports bras and tshirts because nothing else fits my fucked up frame: ive got broad shoulders, long legs, and huge feet (size 12 womens, which is impossible to find), and im like 5'8". Id be taller but my arms and torso are short, and ive got wide hips and huge breasts and butt. I hated my body and i still do. I feel like i was a crapshoot built out of the mismatched leftovers of several people. And the shit my parents tried to enforce for gender conformity to this "new identity of a young lady." first was acne management. I wasnt a pizza face, but i did and still do have a bit of an issue with blackheads (Glasses have that effect.) But my parents tried to force me to pop my zits...and when i refused because it hurt, they basically held me down and popped them for me. Then was "shaving my legs". Okay. Underarms i get because pits stink. I shave those because it feels less stanky when i do. But their issue? My legs. I refused to do it. "Boys dont, why do i? Thats not fair!" i fought. Hard. But...like the zits...theyd hold me down and buzz my legs for me from knee to foot while i thrashed and begged...all to force on me a title i never wanted, a mold i didnt fit. And i didnt understand WHY. Why was my behavior, my life and interests and hobbies and clothing all supposed to be dictated by something so unimportant? And then...when i was sixteen, i met a person i hit it off with. A sweet and funny youth my age with hair as long as mine and a goofy smile on his face. In a few months we were dating long distance and i suspect my family sighed in relief that i wasnt a lesbian. Our fathers got to be friends(which was useful, since 200miles between us put a crimp in relations.) But this had another side effect. You see, that next year i learned something id never heard before. Something id never considered until that day in 2002. His father...felt he was a woman trapped in a mans body. I was floored. This could happen? What? So i researched what i could to understand (there wasnt much, back then.) And...i began to wonder....because all I could find was for males becoming females. Even joked with my boyfriend that the universe "got us backwards" (he agreed, seeing as how he was girlier than me) And then it all crashed to a halt one night at dinner. His father, him, me, another mtf person and two other adults were at a restaurant, and the kne guy at the table with no knowledge on trans folks was asking questions. I listened, enraptured as the emotions and disconnects id always felt were described from the other side. Emboldened, 17, and perhaps seeking some form of connection or...validation for my feelings, i piped up, expressing how i felt the universe had gotten me backwards. That was the worst thing to say, as his father unloaded on me verbally for being mocking and insensitive and jumping on a bandwagon i had no business on. Treated me like i was being scum--damn near drove me to tears and made me feel small and useless. And i thought "if this is what trans ppl are like...i dont want to be like them ever." it crushed my desire to understand my gender identity and sexuality for years. It didnt help that as time went by ot seemed every trans person i encountered was one of two things: a dramawhore with the emotional stability of a 14year old girl, or someone like my bf's father who decided that i couldnt belong to his elitest club in a fashion that echoed years of "no girls allowed" from boys everywhere. The internets vast collection of professionally offended "keyboard warriors" who spew bigotry and hate and small minded idiocy while calling it "truth" or "just what X group deserves" is a steaming cesspit of shit I dont want to be part of on any level, and unfortunately many of them claim to be whatever "alternate" gender identity or sexuality is the fad this month. Its not winning me over at all, and made me shy further away from actual people i might be able to relate to...maybe who can help me. I finally did own up to something when i was 23--I was more sexually attracted to women than men. In fact...beyond a few emotion driven crushes as a teen, the only male i have ever found attractive was that same goofy, funny, smiling boy with the long hair...except these days hes my supportive, goofy, smiling mate with the softest heart of gold ive ever known inside a powerful and intimidatingly sized viking-esque exterior. But again...because on the outside, our relationship seems very "normal" im not welcomed much by the vocal minority and so im super wary of all parts of the lgbt crowd. I dont advertise or tell my relatives--my parents and their respective siblings are between 50 and 70 years old. They barely believe this stuff exists. I still dont want to be a girl. I dont want the societal expectations of it. I hate having breasts that risk knocking my teeth loose if i move too fast. And dont get me started on the fucking shit show that is my sex life. Its a complicated shit show that starts with the disconnect of parts and ends with kinks i can never actually engage in because, guess what? Im a GIRL. But at the same time, i stare at the only transmen examples and stories i can find, which seem to be rare and hidden somewhere, at places like fb and tumblr and twitter...at pride rallies and news stories...at stuff recounted by friends...and i dont want to be associated with people whose actions turn them into examples of literal human garbage. And so here i sit, caught between two worlds, never part of either one and feeling like im slowly drowning. It seems like one doesnt want me and the other i dont want... Im so tired of being stuck.