#i use dragons as an umbrella term don’t haunt me

[malkshake]

Today I bring you an offering of snakes.

The blue lad in the middle belongs to @isharton

[fishoutofcamelot]

(for the ask thing) any book/tv show/movie/song recommendations?

BRO! I heckin got you man! Now, I’m gonna skip the song and book recommendation bit because that sorta thing isn’t really my scene. BUT! In terms of TV? My rec list is like a mile long. I’m gonna include a read-more line, actually. 

BBC Merlin: You know I had to put this on the list. But the fact that you’re on my blog means you’ve probably watched this one, so I won’t go into detail about it. Available on Netflix

Mob Psycho 100: Just a cute, sweet story about a bunch of psychic kids trying to kill each other. A story with this much fighting has no right to be so wholesome. Mob is just a good boy, he doesn’t deserve all this! Fair warning, its messages about identity, self love, and growth WILL make you feel Emotions. Available on various anime pirating websites

Red vs Blue: The found family game is SO strong in this one. By far the best found family plot/dynamic I have ever and will ever experience. The characters are all so solid, yknow? Like it took me three rewatches to understand the plot, but I didn’t even care because I loved the characters SO MUCH. It’s also really, really funny (although some of the jokes have aged a bit poorly tbh). Basically about a bunch of space marines who goof off and accidentally dismantle corrupt governments along the way. Available on Youtube

Supernatural: Is it cringey? Yeah. Does the fandom suck? Also yeah. Is Destiel overrated? BIG yeah. But it’s got monsters, magic, family, and a plot that doesn’t revolve around romance - and really, what more could you ask for? And sure, a lot of people don’t really like the later seasons, but idk I actually prefer them. Season 15 has me THRIVING. I mean come on - character vs author?! Fighting the guy who literally wrote you into existence because he doesn’t want to give your story a happy ending?! Say what you will about Supernatural, but it’s one of the most imaginative shows I’ve ever seen. Available on Netflix

Avatar the Last Airbender: You like stellar animation, intricate worldbuilding/magicbuilding, and a perspective on war that is surprisingly mature for a kids show? Check it out. This show is without a doubt one of the best animated series of all time. Go on. Watch it. It’ll change your life. Available on Netflix

The Umbrella Academy: Time-travelling assassins. Superheroes. Ghosts. Talking monkeys. Murder mysteries. Baller soundtracks. This show will never give you what you expect. I don’t even think I could properly describe it to you. Available on Netflix

Detective Conan: An anime. It’s about a teen detective - think Nancy Drew but bloodier - who witnesses a crime and is fed an experimental poison in order to keep him from telling anyone. But instead of killing him, the poison turns him into a 6-year-old. So now he’s got to solve crimes and take down a criminal organization while in the body of a child. Naturally, shenanigans ensue. Fair warning, the main character becomes a bit of a Mary Sue in later episodes, but the first 300 or so are pretty fun. A few episodes are available on Netflix, but not any of the good ones. You’ll need an anime pirating website for that

Knives Out: My favourite movie ever, of all time. It’s a murder mystery that both subverts and pays homage to its parent genre in all the right places. It’s funny, it’s intelligent, and has a spectacular ending! Although I do wish the fandom would stop being so horny for Ransom, I mean he’s literally racist...No clue where you can find this tbh, I saw it in theatres

Derry Girls: Now I’m not normally a big fan of realistic fiction/sitcom stuff. Despite how funny they are, I’ve not even watched The Office or Parks and Rec because that normal daily life stuff just doesn’t peak my interest. And yet, somehow this story about a group of Irish high schoolers just has me enthralled. Very funny, very well-written, give it a watch. Available on Netflix

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood: Another anime. Phenomenal animation? Check. Fascinating plot and characters? Check. Detailed magic system that gets my lore-obsessed heart fluttering? Big heckin check. So basically two kids try to use Fantasy Science to bring their mom back to life, only the experiment fails and has some pretty nasty consequences - one boy loses his arm and leg, while the other loses his entire body and has his soul bound to a suit of armour. Now they gotta go through government conspiracies, ethical dilemmas, and Daddy Issues to try and get their bodies back. Available on Netflix

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K: Yet another anime. I know, I know, I’m a nerd, get over it. This show doesn’t have a complex plot or even complex characters, tbh, but what it does have is some amazing humour. It’s extremely funny, and it’s also just a nice show to kick back and relax to. Basically this guy who’s so op that he could rewrite the laws of reality on a whim is stuck dealing with relationship drama in high school despite being very, very asexual and very, very tired. Mostly he just uses his powers to avoid people and eat junk food, which is honestly a mood. Available on Netflix

Scooby Doo! Mystery Incorporated: Honestly I’d recommend almost anything that’s Scooby Doo-related because that was my childhood obsession. I used to have like 20 of the movies on DVD before my mom gave them all away. To this day I still love Scooby Doo, and watch it whenever I get the chance. But if you ask any SD fan, they’ll probably tell you that Mystery Incorporated is the best, most intelligent, most creative installment in the franchise. And they’re right (although I do wish there was less relationship drama...) Available on Netflix

Evil Genius: This is a documentary series about the Collar Bomb Robbery. Now, despite what the above list might indicate, I actually watch a LOT of documentaries, and if I were here to recommend all of them then we would be here all day. Not really ‘funny’ like the other entries on this list, it’s actually rather tragic, but definitely a cerebral viewing experience. Available on Netflix

Screwball: Now this is a documentary that IS funny. It’s about drug scandals in baseball. But the dramatic scene re-enactments are done with child actors that are all wearing fake beards and pretending to be drug dealers. It’s not only a fascinating subject, but it’s got amazing editing and visuals that have me in awe. Available on Netflix

Behind the Curve: Yet another documentary. This one’s about the rise of the Flat Earth movement. You’ll spend most of the time on the verge of having a stroke because of how stupid it all is. Available on Netflix

The Movies That Made Us: Okay okay okay last documentary on the list I swear. This one’s exactly what it says on the tin. It’s a series talking about the behind-the-scenes production of iconic movies like Home Alone and Ghostbusters. I eagerly await the second season. Available on Netflix

Monster Factory: If you’re familiar with the McElroy brothers and their brand of humour, you’ll love this. Griffin and Justin team up to make the most disturbing avatars they can create using video game character creators. The origins of the Final Pam meme. If I had a shirt with a quote from Monster Factory on it, I’d die a happy man. Available on Youtube

Baman Piderman: The dumbest show I have ever watched, but it’s so adorable and stupid and I love it so much. It doesn’t really have a plot, but later episodes allude to the presence of one and I’m upset because there are so many mysteries/questions hinted at and we’ll never get answers because it’s been abandoned. PLEASE watch it. Available on Youtube

Stranger Things: Okay, season 2 was a bit of a let-down imo, but season 1 was ICONIC and the Scoops Troop subplot in season 3 deserved its own freakin spinoff. I’m not joking. I didn’t even like s3 all that much, but the only reason it’s my favourite is because the Scoops Troop plot was so great. People call this show ‘horror’ but I don’t think it’s scary enough for that, although it is admittedly kinda spooky. If you like 80s nostalgia and the horror aesthetic, then I’d give it a watch (Do it for Scoops Troop. Do it for Robin). Available on Netflix

Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart: Despite my overwhelming love for this film, I’ll be the first to admit it’s kinda mediocre. The plot is weird and the romance feels forced, but despite its flaws it manages to be one of my favourite movies. Mostly I just like it for the unique concept and beautiful ending. Also the music is off the par man. Probably because the writer/producer of the movie was the lead singer for a French band called Dionysus (what? I do my research). Available on Netflix

Wakfu: I haven’t seen past season 3, but so far it’s pretty good. You go in thinking it’s just a wholesome action/adventure show about a kid who can create portals - but then it just. Sucks you in. From its bopping theme song to its fantastic found family to the unique worldbuilding, you very quickly fall in love with it. It’s got a cool plot and also talking dragons, and it doesn’t get better than that. Available on Netflix

Mystery Skulls Animated: Technically not a TV show so much as it is a series of animated music videos with a plot, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t one of the greatest things of all time. It’s basically Scooby Doo but if Shaggy got possessed by a demon and killed Fred, causing Fred to become a ghost hellbent on revenge-killing Shaggy in return. And if Scooby was an ancient Japanese spirit that bit off Shaggy’s arm, forcing him to wear a metal prosthetic. Yeah, MSA is wild. It’s only got three videos out so far, with a fourth one coming out this October, but there’s already so much lore! Available on Youtube

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared: Ah yes, yet another cringey entry on this list. But you know what? Cringe culture is dead!!! And despite its fandom being...like that...DHMIS really is a cool show. Think if Sesame Street was like haunted or something. The episodes about creativity and telling time remain the most unsettling, imo. Definitely worth a watch. Available on Youtube

Inanimate Insanity: Oh boy. Am I seriously recommending you dip your little fingies into the object fandom? Yes. Yes I am. This show is so obscure it makes freakin Detective Conan look popular. At its core it’s a parody of Total Drama Island and Survivor but with anthropomorphized inanimate objects as characters (hence the name). Season 2 is actually really, really good and surprisingly competent. You just gotta get through season 1 first. Available on Youtube

The X-Files: Wow, a live action series on this list? Who woulda thought??? But seriously, this show is really fun. Memes and jokes aside, I love it. Scully and Mulder are fun characters with great chemistry (both platonic and romantic), the Lone Horsemen are hilarious, and every episode is a unique adventure into the most creative acid trips the human mind could conceive of. Phenomenal from start to finish (if you ignore the last season). I have no clue where you would watch this. Pirate it, probably

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Two idiots investigate cold cases and haunted locales while being utter dumbasses about it. You know the “hey demons it’s be ya boi” meme? That came from these guys. Available on Youtube

Kingdom: Ngl, I didn’t go into this expecting zombies. Or for it to take place during Korean feudalism, for that matter. But mediocre dubbing aside, this show has such a clever concept. It takes the zombie apocalypse genre and gives refreshing, unique twists to old tropes that they feel like something new. Seo-bi is my wife and she deserves all the love and appreciation in the world, and those are just Facts. Available on Netflix

My Hero Academia: Superhero high school anime. I personally am not a fan of later episodes/arcs, but the first three seasons are pretty dang good. Diverse, colourful ensemble cast that you easily grow to adore, interesting commentary on disability (although I’m not qualified to give any actual takes on that), and a school curriculum that makes me very, very concerned for the wellbeing of these children. Plus all the superpowers - aka ‘quirks’ - are super imaginative and, well, quirky! I just wish people would stop shipping the main character with his childhood bully...You’ll need to pirate this one too lmao

Danny Phantom: The highlight of this show is its ‘phandom’, because unlike someone (*cough* Butch Hartman), we’re not a bunch of cowards. It’s about a guy who messes around with his parents’ lab stuff and accidentally acquires the ability to die! Well, half-die. He can turn into a ghost and fight other ghosts. Although the show never explores the existential, traumatic fallout of being kinda-sorta-dead, the potential for something deep and emotional is there. Plus there is a LOT of accidental subtext for a Big LGBT+ Metaphor. So much so that the Trans Danny theory is basically canon. Uhhh not available on Netflix anymore so it’s time to whip out your pirate hat, matey

And there you have it! Like I said, I have a lot of TV recommendations. And I just KNOW I’m forgetting a ton, but this is already really long so we’ll have to cut off here. 

Thanks for the ask! <3

[bangdreaming]

Bandori Customer Questionnaire

We have been given another questionnaire to fill in! You can either access it via in the in-game news through this button:

Or click here! Remember to fill it out, as you’ll be able to suggest more cover songs! Also, the questions are slightly different from the last survey, so you might want to check out our translations if you’re unsure about some parts!

Translations for the questions under the cut!

Question 1: What’s your player ID? (If it’s filled automatically, you can leave it as is.)

Question 2: Who’s your favorite band?

Question 3: Who’s your second favorite band?

Question 4: Who are your favorite characters, up to three people?

Kasumi

Tae

Rimi

Saaya

Arisa

Ran

Moca

Himari

Tomoe

Tsugumi

Aya

Hina

Chisato

Maya

Eve

Yukina

Sayo

Lisa

Ako

Rinko

Kokoro

Kaoru

Hagumi

Kanon

Misaki

None in particular.

Question 5: What difficulty is the most enjoyable in the game?

Question 6: What cover songs made you want to play Bandori or which ones you like to play the most?

Sorairo Days

Alchemy

Hikaru Nara

Little Busters!

Seikai wa Hitotsu! Janai!!

Tentai Kansoku

God knows…

only my railgun

Senbonzakura

Kimi Janakya Dame Mitai

Melancholic

GLAMOROUS SKY

DAYS

Karma

Butter-Fly

Don’t say “lazy”

great escape

Asu no Yozora Shoukaihan

READY STEADY GO

Redo

Pride Kakumei

Imagination

secret base ~Kimi ga Kureta Mono~

Dream Parade

Sobakasu

MOON PRIDE

Fuwa Fuwa Time

Hanamaru Pippi wa Yoiko Dake

Sekai wa Koi ni Ochiteiru

Happy Synthesizer

SAKURA Skip

Miku Miku ni Shite Ageru

Kimagure Romantic

Fantastic future

Soul Refrain

Hacking to the Gate

ETERNAL BLAZE

Guren no Yumiya

The Everlasting Guilty Crown

Red fraction

Shin Ai

A Cruel Angel’s Thesis

This game

Believe in my existence

Six Trillion Years and Overnight Story

Sugar Song to Bitter Step

1, 2 Fanclub

Silhouette

Happy Summer Wedding

Himawari no Yakusoku

Romeo

Koi wa Chaos no Shimobe Nari

Dragon Night

fantastic dreamer

Hare Hare Yukai

Taiyou wa Iwaku Moeyo Chaos

None in particular.

Question 7: Please tell us any songs you’d like us to cover in the future. (Multiple suggestions are okay.)

Question 8: Please tell us any artists you’d like us to cover in the future. (Multiple suggestions are okay.)

Question 9: Please tell us any content, animation, or game you want us to collaborate with in the future. (Multiple suggestions are okay.)

Question 10: Please tell us up to 3 event stories that you liked.

Sakura Blooming Party!

Connecting Thoughts, Incomplete Song

Happy Phantom Thief and the Luxury Cruise 

Rimi’s Gift of Song

Searching for Stars

As Evening Clears

Run Away Rabbits!

Past Aspirations & Pastel Futures

The Impromptu Wedding Dress

Don’t leave me, Lisa!!!!

Wish Upon a Tanzaku

Tomoe SOS! Ako’s Grand Nursing Operation

When the Flowers Bloom

Happy Summer Vacation!

Overlapping Beats: The Fireworks Festival

The 6th Member of Afterglow

The Name of the Rose that Blooms in Eden

Hello, My Happy World

Pasupare Expedition: Idol Conquerors of a Deserted Island

In My Heart, It’s Always Halloween!

Umbrella for the Sudden Autumn Rain

The Teary Smile Anchor

Mismatched!? Silly Sweets Classroom 

Welcome to Eve’s Home Party

Someday, My Words Will Reach You ~Lisa’s Lyrics~

HAPPY Poppin’ Xmas

Azure, Sparkle Like a Star

Little Smile Step

New Year, Foreboding Fortune

FUN! FUN! CiRCLING FIVESTAR!

Neo Fantasy Online -The Journey-

Dotabata Happy Valentine

My First Winter Sports!?

What a Wonderful World!

A White Day Musical Basked in a Fleeting Fragrance

Backstage Pass

Dash! A Journey in the Evening Shadows

Freshly Blooming Largo

My Spirit Won’t Yield, Burning Bushido

Fair and Square! Fluffy Character Championship

Double Rainbow

Girls Anthology

Neo-Aspect

Beatin’ in the Rain

The Cursed Well and the School’s Ghost

Once More Luminous

On Sunday, We Got Separated at the Park

None in Particular

Question 11: Please tell us up to 3 costume designs, and event gachas that you liked. (The bolded terms are gacha names for the respective events.)

Sakura Blooming Party! (Hanasakigawa’s Sakura)

Connecting Thoughts, Incomplete Song (A Songstress Awakens)

Happy Phantom Thief and the Luxury Cruise (Detective Kokoro)

Rimi’s Gift of Song (Presents for You)

Searching for Stars (Starlight Journey)

As Evening Clears (Memories of Scarlet Skies)

Run Away Rabbits! (Tea Time in Wonderland)

Past Aspirations & Pastel Futures (White Beginnings)

The Impromptu Wedding Dress (Wedding Day)

Don’t leave me, Lisa!!!! (Elegant Roses)

Wish Upon a Tanzaku (Twinkling Milky Way)

Tomoe SOS! Ako’s Grand Nursing Operation (Rockin’ Nurse)

When the Flowers Bloom (Flowers and Butterflies)

Happy Summer Vacation! (Ocean-blue Summer Skies)

Overlapping Beats: The Fireworks Festival (Kira Kira! Starmine)

The 6th Member of Afterglow (Haunted High Schooooool!!!!!)

The Name of the Rose that Blooms in Eden (Sonata of Blue & Crimson)

Hello, My Happy World (MISAKI in da house!!!)

Pasupare Expedition: Idol Conquerors of a Deserted Island (Doki Doki!? Idol Survivor)

In My Heart, It’s Always Halloween! (One Night Magic)

Umbrella for the Sudden Autumn Rain (Rainy Blue Rose)

The Teary Smile Anchor (Cheerful! Sports Festival)

Mismatched!? Silly Sweets Classroom (Sweet Suite)

Welcome to Eve’s Home Party (Natural Wind)

Someday, My Words Will Reach You ~Lisa’s Lyrics~ (The Sunset’s Smiling Star)

HAPPY Poppin’ Xmas (Bright Chrismas)

Azure, Sparkle Like a Star (Frosty Twinkle Blue)

Little Smile Step (Polar Aurora)

New Year, Foreboding Fortune (Sunrise of Youthfulness)

FUN! FUN! CiRCLING FIVESTAR! (Shining Dream Stage)

Neo Fantasy Online -The Journey- (Our Party’s Journey)

Dotabata Happy Valentine (Heart-rending Chocolate)

My First Winter Sports!? (White Snow Fairy)

What a Wonderful World! (Pastel＊Bloom Girls)

A White Day Musical Basked in a Fleeting Fragrance (The Beauty of a Noble White)

Backstage Pass (GIRLS BAND LIFE!)

Dash! A Journey in the Evening Shadows (Rockin' Western Girl)

Freshly Blooming Largo (~Newly Composed Score~ Melodious)

My Spirit Won’t Yield, Burning Bushido (Samurai Hearts for Troubled Times)

Fair and Square! Fluffy Character Championship (Fuwa Fuwa Gao! Happy Monster)

Double Rainbow (Sparkling Momentary Bridge)

Girls Anthology (Go Go Stoooooria!)

Neo-Aspect (Melodious Gears)

Beatin’ in the Rain (Roaring Rimshot)

The Cursed Well and the School’s Ghost (Hard-Boiled Detective)

Once More Luminous (Colorful Radiant Road)

On Sunday, We Got Separated at the Park (Tanabata Nostalgia)

None in Particular

Question 12: Please tell us any additional features you would like to be added or existing features you would like improved.

Question 13: What is your age?

Question 14: What’s your gender?

Male

Female

Question 15: What is your occupation?

Civil servant

Management / Company Executive

Employee

Self Employed / Freelance

Part-Time Job

Housewife / Husband

Student

Unemployed

Others

Question 16: Please tell us about your business field.

None in particular. (Students, etc.)

Manufacturing (Machinery / Electric)

Manufacturing (Material / Chemical / Food / Other)

General Trading Company / Specialized Trading Company

Medical

Finance

Construction / Real Estate

Consulting / Research / Professional Office

Personnel Service / Call Center

Internet / Advertising / Media

Retail

Food Service

Transportation / Logistics

Communication (Carrier, etc.)

Energy (Electric, gas, etc.)

Travel / Accommodation / Leisure

Security / Cleaning

Barber / Beauty / Esthetics

Education

Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries / Minig

Public Corporations / Government Agencies

Other

Question 17: Please tell us where you live.

Last option is “Overseas / Other.”

Question 18: How did you first hear about GBP?

From friends / acquaintances

SNS (Twitter, Facebook, etc.)

TVCM (Iitoyo Marie ver.)

WEBCM (HIKAKIN x Fischers’ ver.)

WEBCM (Iitoyo Marie x Fischers’ ver.)

WEBCM (Iitoyo Marie x Hatsune Miku ver.)

CM (aside from the mentioned ones)

Internet Advertisements

Magazine / Web Articles

Transport Advertisement / Other Advertisement

Bandori! Live

Bandori! Anime

Bandori! Short Anime

App Store / Google Play

Other

Question 19: Please tell us why you started playing Bandori. (Multiple choices are okay.)

Bandori’s Illustrations and Graphics

Because I like rhythm games in general

Was already a fan of the Bandori! anime

I liked the Original songs

I was able to play the cover songs that I knew in the game

The game gives out a vibe that it would be fun even if I didn’t make in-game purchases.

I was attracted by the story

Voice Actors that I like voiced characters in the game

Nothing in particular (I don’t remember)

Other

Question 20: Please tell us the games you usually play.

Question 21: Please tell us the average amount of money you spend on games in a month.

I don’t spend money.

Less than 1,000 yen.

1,000 ~ 5,000 yen.

5,000 ~ 10,000 yen.

10,000 ~ 50,000 yen.

More than 50,000 yen.

Question 22: Please tell us how you like to spend your free time. (Multiple choices are okay.)

Games / Manga / Anime / Internet

Live / Event

Reading / Movies

Music / Musical Instruments / Photography / Creative Activity

Exercise / Sports

Car / Motorcycle

Gambling

Television

Shopping

Cooking / Handicraft / Sewing

Spending Time with Friends, Family, or Partners

Traveling / Going Out

Question 23: Please tell us any media platforms that you regularly use. (Multiple choices are okay.)

TV

YouTube

Twitter

Instagram

Summary Sites

Game Walkthrough Sites

Nico Nico Douga

Facebook

AbemaTV

Pixiv

None in particular

Other

Question 24: Finally, if you have comments or requests for us or a message for the management team, please feel free to write it down.

[kaorei-endgame]

Ranking of Resident Evil save room themes?

I got my first latte of the season, it’s chilly enough to wear pants indoors, #Streamtober started yesterday. LET’S DO THIS, NICK. >:O 

17. Resident Evil 6 Chapter Ends, All Characters: Back to the cabbage patch. None of you are valid, with your Netflix Original knock-off of some ABC knock-off of 24-ass soundtrack. Go suck a giraffe’s dick with an Ada clone, Jake Muller.

16. Resident Evil, Deadly Silence: What is this Resident Evil for Babiez? Nintendogz+ResidentEvilz? Imagine listening to this on the crappy DS speakers. Wasn’t there something creepy about Jill’s costume in this game, like you could tear pieces of it off, or am I just conjuring fall memories and combining them with how they went out of the way to add boob bounce to the REmake 15 years after the fact, and now Jill’s boobs on PS4 undulate languidly beneath her shirt like a pair of Dragon Quest Slimes yearning to be free. This track: aural despair, unleavened. A way to quickly induce nausea in dogs who have eaten chocolate or raisins.

15. Resident Evil 6, Ada Chapter End: Well, okay, this one is all right. The first fifteen seconds feel like a HiFi version of a track from those Playstation 1 top-down shooters where you played a murder clown or a pyro guy escaping a space prison where you were held for crimes you definitely DID commit. The little background jog kicks in soon after and look, I’m a soft sell for ululation, what can I say.** But it just all just serves to stir memories like embers finally gone to smolder beneath the fireplace ash, stoking them after all these years, reminding me what a weird psycho they turned Ada into in this game. I like reflecting on how people got so mad about there not being co-op in Ada’s campaign that Capcom patched in a partner but his name is like “TeamMate” or “Buddy” and he has no lines of dialogue and is never addressed in the story in any way and thus is either a figment of Ada’s imagination or he’s a real dude who’s just pretty quiet and ultimately drowned on that sub? Well, I guess life’s tough if you’re the (potentially imagination) friend of an ex-spy turned pod person.

**(i contacted my musician friend, Kylie, who confirmed that ululation  was the term i was thinking of, lest i second guess myself. at the same time, i’ll post her text here lest i misrepresent her words “Yeah, ululate as a technical term is vibrato using the tongue, so that would be wrong, but ululate as a descriptor refers to a sound that has a very pronounced waver between tones to it.” cool! i’ve often wondered if that’s the most accurate way to describe it. thanks Kylie!! :D)

14. Resident Evil Revelations 2: Claire gets the best costumes probably across the whole series and yet it feels like she’s gotten the least love of all the main cast. I never really got it, she looks good in denim, whether jacket or pant, and her Revelations 2 blazer does her all the favors. But now they’re remaking RE2 and they turned her face into this weird porcelain Precious Moments dol—MY BELOVED DAUGHTER. MY MOIRA. I SWEAR I’LL FIND YOU. FOR THE SAKE OF JBLL I WILL AVENGE YOU AND THE OTHER ONE.

13. Resident Evil 0: What’s with all the shivery whiney stuff. Like your younger sibling running nails down the chalkboard of your spine, like how the speed run of this game hinges on juggling an evasive bat with 5 out of the 6 flame rounds on hand, so try. Neither relaxing nor scary. Do I hear something like a bongo in the distance? That is the clarion call of Becky Chamber’s goose booty coming home to roost.

12. Resident Evil 7: I had a dream last night about this game. If you have phobias about glass and/or mouths and/or wasp genitals, I would skip this paragraph. I was in the house where you have to run away from the mom with the disgusting wasp hive vagina. Also—unrelated and yet somehow related, as dreams always are—I had opened a beer bottle in such a way that the stem broke. I had decided to drink it anyway and now, as I progressed through the house, I found that there seemed to be endless small slivers of glass in my mouth that I had to repeatedly spit out lest they cut me. When I woke up, my jaw was clenched to the point of soreness. Welcome to the family, I guess. Otherwise this save room music reminds me of the game itself: mostly dull and barely there.

11. Resident Evil Revelations: Item Box Music, only Save Room Adjcanet. Can’t disassociate this from the “swish-swish-swish-SHUCK” sound effects of navigating menus to equip Charge Shot 2 to my Shotgun. Not as pleasing or as integrated into my bone marrow as  the Resident Evil 3 equivalent, but I have probably played this game through thirteen or fourteen times at this point. Life is short and yet the strings of fate tug us the directions they will.

10. Resident Evil 5: Again, this is menu music. No save rooms at all in this game. Anyway I have no inherent memory of this song because I’m sure I’ve talked over it while upgrading my M92FS to 100 bullet capacity 110% of the times I’ve played this game. Exempted from higher echelon of rankings on these technicalities, but still A POOR PERFORMANCE INDEED for Not The Best Resident Evil Yet Paradoxically The One That’s Given Me The Most Joy In My life.

9. Resident Evil, Dead Aim

: Wow I almost can’t believe I don’t remember this despite playing this game enough to write a speedrun guide for it. Well, that was the style at the time. As was a bloated zombie corpse boss, I suppose (long before Left 4 Dead, those copy cats), whose weak spot was its exposed brain which, halfway through the fight when you’d done enough damage, would pop out and dance a sprightly jig on its brainstem every time you shot it. With the whisper of wind and rain and single intermittent synth I feel like I’m living in a cyberpunk future and not a game whose protagonist’s “””cajun””” accent is as questionable as its presentation of the antagonist’s gender.

8. Resident Evil, Umbrella Chronicles

: Hey now, weird bit of the creepy-freaky bass here kind of does put you in a certain headspace, but it’s not the headspace i remember of this game, which was basically unplayable in co-op for the final 3rd because a failed QTE would result in a hunter slicing away half your health. Good for an Into the Breach playlist to keep you focused on the action and stop you from trying to play it while also binging a Netflix show about werewolves that you didn’t really like anyway, and splitting your attention between visual mediums is just getting Good Pilots Killed.

7. Resident Evil 2: Ominous. Maybe TOO Ominous at points. Aren’t save rooms about being safe? I guess we could argue that because the save room reflects the lacuna of safety  BING BONG piano is the Try Hard version of video game music asking “you scurred yet?” Perhaps a novice mistake from a first-time director who would go on to do so many great things (well, RE2 among them, no lie). In a way, this fits with Rookie Cop Leon S. Kennedy, and anyway it’s so over the top I’m kind of okay with it. Most innervating when first heard on your way to equip a cowgirl costume for fast-firing six-shooter action. Guns suck, and cowboys too, but both are okay if we experience them in the abstract sense. This is what culture teaches us. Fan the trigger.

6. Resident Evil 4: A surprisingly gentle one, considering the series turn towards action from which it would never recover. I am transported to the early minutes of a horror movie where the audience knows something the protagonist doesn’t about the terror that’s about to befall them while they blithely pick up a desiccated nudie mag in an old shed on a haunted property they inherited from their estranged uncle, more focused on the “ballistics” before them than the axe murderer crouched in the shadows of disused farm equipment behind.

5. Resident Evil 3, Nemesis: More languid riff on 2. Strings get you shivery, and no more than a single BONG per two measures proves that save room music is as much about the notes you DON’T play. Two bongs to scare, but one bong to keep you on your toes, disallowing you from getting *too* relaxed by the soothing bleeps and bloops as you combine the 3 Gunpowder As you just found to make sure you have enough ammo to pistol-juke the so-called unkillable Nemesis. You’re not coward, but that doesn’t make you brave. Discretion is the better part of valor, they say, but that’s not taking into account that non-discretiony valor rewards you directly with a faster-firing pistol with critical headshots. :3

4. Resident Evil 1, Vanilla: Gentle, plucky strings make you question your memory, more familiar with later revisions than you are this one. How often was I in this place? Or does its primacy belie its immediacy? If I went to the strange, pointless closet around the corner from this medicine save room, would I find a broken shotgun I expect there, a round of magnum ammo, or simply the ghost of discarded aspirations masking as memories. I recall a time when it felt like time was enough, but then again, this was back when anything sub-three hours would get you the infinite rocket launcher, regardless of how many First Aid Sprays you used.

3. Resident Evil 1, REmake: High fidelity version of RE1’s gentle strings remind you of simpler times when your worst fears were zombies resurrecting into scarier, faster zombies with claws. What we wouldn’t give to go back to those days, and maybe tell ourselves not to take out so much student debt. Listening to this sends a pulse of gentle energy through my shoulder blades that makes me think “relaxation,” though I’m not sure my body understands the meaning of the word. A respite in trying eras, there is no association with the tension of shaving 15 minutes off your time to be competitive. “Safe Heaven,” they call it; a theme for a place that is not our own, but should be.

2. Resident Evil 1, Director’s Cut: Wow I did not expect music box chimes and tones stirs something ancestral in my blood. I’ve played the Director’s Cut far more times than the original RE1 and this is like coming home to a big house where I enjoyed an idyllic childhood, but I now know every box is filled with the creepy knife doll from Onimusha. Though these senations are foreign to me, something about them inspires a thirst for a homeland I never knew.

1. Resident Evil Code Veronica: The absolute chillest. In life, paths may wind, but the ultimate  The strings are tickling your spine. You’re so relaxed you feel like oiling your ponytail, and you could even take a nap in Steve Burnside’s arms without reflexively gagging. When you hear this, you are at peace, and the world seems like a place that can be kind. Truly, the Code is Veronica.

and don’t forget to vote in our poll on whether or not we’re playing Claire A or Leon A tonight!