#i used to think it was just the grad school experience causing me to resonate with it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tylerbiard · 6 years

Text

FOMO

Fear of Missing Out -- it’s a phrase that has really come to the fore in the last several years and is something quite relatable to a lot of young people. It’s fairly self-explanatory on a fundamental level, but it’s generally used in relation to social media these days. Due to it, FOMO can create a paradigm of constantly checking messages and social media, for fear of missing out on something. It’s a form of social anxiety surrounding a worry that others are having fun while you aren’t.

It’s something I’ve become more aware of over the past year, and it’s something that would accurately describe myself since over the past 4 years. 2014 was a major seismic shift in my life. I really opened up and became more ‘socialized’, where previously I was quite closed off and socially anxious. I’ve learned a lot as a result of things that were set in motion that year, and the trends that began then still seem to reverberate through to today. We were discussing in one of my classes science as something that generally tries to keep the status quo, and then has revolutions, which set up a new order, and then that order is upheld as the new status quo, and there are strong efforts to maintain it. It goes against the idea of science not being ceremonial or biased, but I think there’s merit to it. 2014 was like a personal revolution for me, and a new order was set up, which has been maintained with amendments since.

I got a smartphone, I befriended a lot of people, I started using more social media besides Tumblr. This is where the FOMO started, in hindsight. For a long time, I really wanted to be less lonely, and in 2014, it felt like that was finally changing, and I really went off into that world, before thinking about the people I was letting into my life. To be sure, I was naive, and I learnt things from those experiences, so it wasn’t a fruitless endeavour. I wanted to hang out, to go out, to do everything, as much as possible. After being very closed off since around 2008, when I started high school, I was letting myself experience things and trying to break free from my social anxiety.

Unfortunately, as I alluded to, a lot of the people I let into my life weren’t exactly the best fits. In most cases, these people aren’t actually bad people or anything, it’s just their personalities rubbed me the wrong way. I have a low tolerance for flakey, and yet a lot of flakes seem to be attracted to me like moths to a flame. Despite this, I kept with these people. In some cases, it boiled over and I couldn’t bear it any more and abrupt falling outs occurred, whereas in others, we just grew apart. In a lot of cases of growing apart, it was simply me no longer initiating. I also notice people who don’t know how to initiate seem to like befriending me, which is exhausting over time. So, when I get exhausted, we stop being hanging out, which isn’t right, but it is what it is.

In this time, I found this unhealthy attachment to social media and allowing it to compare my life to others. I’d see friends or acquaintances out, having a good time, and end up feeling shitty about my life. I’d respond to messages from people who didn’t necessarily deserve prompt messages, because I’d fear missing out on maintaining that relationship. I’d accept most invitations because I wouldn’t want to miss out on having a good time. I think I became more interested in the idea of going out than actually going out. That is probably due to the type of going out I was doing, with the type of people I was doing it with. Not to say I didn’t enjoy going out, but I recognize sometimes I was just stuffing my schedule for the sake of stuffing it, to appear popular (something I never was), and it didn’t necessarily make me feel better. Due to the often precarious relationships I was stuck in, I was left perpetually yearning for newer, better relationships.

Fast forward to Winter 2016-17, when everything felt like it was falling apart. To keep with the earlier reference, perhaps this was also another personal revolution. 2016 and especially 2017 definitely shook things up once again. A lot of things fell apart, loved ones passed on, previously strong relationships faltered, I started my degree, I started my Canada project, I even switched to Android for a week. On paper, I think 2016 looks like a more powerful year, but emotionally, I feel 2017 was the more powerful of the two. The winter betwixt the two was a poignant nadir, when everything felt like it was going to shit, and it was causing me a great deal of despair. From those ashes, I befriended a couple new people, and I actually felt like I was finally set. No longer would I have to yearn for more, or better, at least in terms of friendship. I thought I’d finally found “my people”. That didn’t hold up. While they’re still around, and I still love them, let’s just say they didn’t end up as my Ezra and Emma in Perks of Being a Wallflower. I felt a fleeting contentedness for parts of last summer, and I honestly don’t remember my FOMO being much of an issue. Of course, I still had issues going on, something my friends can corroborate, but it felt relatively ok. I guess happiness is always fleeting.

Fast forward to this past winter, and I think my FOMO-derived want to meet people and do stuff hit its apex. December was exceptionally bad. I had one entirely free day to myself the entire Christmas break -- the day before classes resumed. It was a combination of seeing friends that I missed and way too many dates. Can I just point out the obvious and say it is extremely time-consuming and exhaustive trying to get to know over a dozen new people in roughly the same time period? Never again. And I knew it was going to drain me, but I wanted to meet these people, I wanted to reconnect with friends, and I ranked “being social” higher than keeping a balance for my own sanity. On some level, perhaps I wanted to present that image on social media that I envied on others -- the happy, social, vibrant life, even though I’m not extroverted. Then I started seeing someone over January, and then that fizzled into February. That in and of itself took a lot of time, and although I’m willing to put effort into a relationship, in hindsight it wasn’t placed on the right person.

After that fell apart, I think I finally broke my FOMO. I started becoming more anti-social, and I stopped giving a fuck. I stopped checking my phone as often to see if I missed anything and I stopped wanting to initiate with most people. From time to time, I’d stop initiating with people anyway, which is why I didn’t speak anything of it, but this is actually lasting much longer now than it normally does. I’m just so done with putting up with people who don’t appreciate me or respect me. I just don’t have the energy for it and I don’t want to have to put on a veneer of “going out, having a good time” either in-person or on social media to feel venerated. I’m at the point where I am being a bit more social again, and I am seeing friends, but it is still sparse, and I’m still taking time for myself. That was actually a huge deal for me over Reading Week, when I actually had days for myself, unlike the Christmas break. For a long time, I was truly selective with whom I wanted in my life, but, for lack of better options, I kept people around I shouldn’t have. Now, I think that selectiveness is being actively put forth. I’d rather spend time with myself than spend time with toxic personalities. I don’t care all that much to keep propping up relationships that put zero effort into me. I don’t like burning bridges or letting things fade, and it’s sad to think of how things are no longer as they once were, but I’m learning to let go. There still are some relationships that I probably should sever, but I don’t have many alternatives.

Of course, I’m still lonely. I think that’s the paradox of the post-2014 me. I may have people around me, but the net result is the same. I still yearn for a stronger cohort of people, for a partner, for people who respect me and are “my kind of people.” I’m still looking for my Ezra and Emma. I do have some good people in my life, and I guess if you want to split hairs, I’m less lonely than 5 years ago, but I still feel that agonizing hopelessness rotting at my core.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Toronto lately. Since I first set foot in that city in post-grad 2011, I’ve had a strong emotional resonance with it. As a lover of cities, art, and culture, it’s only real competitor in Canada is Montreal, and my lacklustre French disallows that from being a formidable option. It has the history, the character, the urbanism that I hope Edmonton one day has. It was also the first true big city I visited. I know a lot of Western Canadians will say similar of Vancouver, but honestly Vancouver doesn’t feel that bustling and big. My first night in Toronto, 2011, walking along Yonge St on a Friday night, how electric it all felt -- it felt trippy, like I was in the music video for “Da Funk” by Daft Punk (1996). I long focused on these attributes whenever I contemplated moving there. But lately I’ve been thinking about Toronto in a different vein. Mostly, I’m fed up with the inbred dating pool in Edmonton, and in Toronto there’s just so many more people, so many more options for connection, whether romantic or platonic. I actually know more people in Toronto these days than Vancouver, which is kind of counter-intuitive. So perhaps my FOMO hasn’t actually disappeared, it’s just latched onto something new (or rather old, considering this has been around in some fashion since 2011). I fear missing out on the greater opportunities for connection for someone like myself in a big, diverse city. I’m self-aware enough to know I’m distinct and complicated, and don’t toe the mainstream line, and so I know I won’t fit with most people, but in a big city the numbers increase for someone like me. I don’t deny it wouldn’t still be hard there to find good people for me, but the numbers are more in my favour where there is more of a critical mass of “alternative” people. Whether or not I actually make the move -- I don’t know. One of my friends speaks of me moving to Toronto one day as inevitable, as there’d be far more opportunity for someone like me there.

I’ve gone through phases with Edmonton. I went from huge civic booster to extremely critical to actually having an appreciative balanced look at the city. I don’t think Edmonton’s a bad place; I think it’s made the most of the cards it’s been dealt and it has exciting potential. I could just stay put; it’s easier. But even the good relationships I have here, a lot of them have moved or are contemplating moving, and so it just further begs the question of why I’m bothering to stick around. My usual excuse is for the people, but if they’re jumping around, why shouldn’t I? Maybe I’ll stitch together an Edmonton expat community in Toronto.

I think I also apply FOMO to the past. I fear I’ve missed out in my life, because I was too lazy or uncomfortable or something else happened. I didn’t have a really great high school experience, and missed out on a lot of quintessential high school experiences that I ended up doing in early adulthood. Sometimes I think about how it would’ve been different if I actually accepted people when they reached out to me back then, instead of stubbornly being a recluse. I don’t know if I’d still be in touch with such people, but I know I’d have been more well-rounded and able to take on the world if I did. This might be part of why I like high school movies too, I can live vicariously through them.

And then I think about the post-grad era, 2011-2014. Even though this is a complete dramatization, I sometimes think of those years as wasted. I didn’t do much besides work. I could’ve done so much more. I still think about why the hell I didn’t go back to school sooner. The obvious answer is that I wasn’t ready, and that’s ok, but I still feel like if I could go back and talk to myself, I’d still try and nudge myself into going back sooner. Sure, planning school wasn’t around, but if I’d known about human geography, I could’ve dicked around with that for a couple years and then switched into planning. Hindsight is 20/20. I couldn’t have known all this then. Everyone I talk to about how I took 5 years before heading back to school reassures me that there’s nothing wrong with taking time to go back, and I get it objectively. Still, I can’t help shake how foolish I was to waste those prime years not really experiencing life. At least I have a clear vision of what I want and I’m endeavouring towards it, something many 18 year olds in post-secondary don’t have, I suppose. Doesn’t make me feel better, though.

Over the past week, I’ve seen 3 films that both had a tendency for commas in their titles as well as really opened up the emotional wounds -- Love, Simon (2018); Girl, Interrupted (1999); and The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012). The most recent was Perks, which I watched today, hence the references. The film struck a chord because I saw a lot of myself in the main character. I too am a wallflower, and I especially was back then, and although he fared better in high school than I did, there was a lot of familiarity in his loneliness and shyness and awkwardness. I still remember walking past the Princess in 2012, when it was playing in theatres and I now get nostalgic. I can’t believe I’m actually nostalgic over the early 2010s. I was young, I still had so many avenues I could pursue, my age cohort was at the forefront of ‘youth’. Things were simpler. Maybe I’m just jealous of how easier things seemed then, how limitless it still felt.

I think about visiting Car at uni, during her breaks. I think about HUB Mall, and that time I took a candid photo and the recipient freaked out therein or that time she explained the cinnamon challenge (take that, Tide pods). I think about getting lost following her to class in Tory Lecture. About discussing Silver Linings Playbook in CAB. This was my time. My time to be in university. I missed out. Sure, I did eventually go back, but I waited long enough that even the eldest members in my class still tend to be younger than me. Age isn’t everything, and perhaps I look too harshly at it, but I can’t help but feel ancient. I can’t help but feel behind in life compared to my cohort. It just doesn’t feel the same. And I can’t help but think about how nice it would’ve been to be in uni at the same time as her.

At the time, I was too busy being nostalgic over the 1990s -- an era I barely knew. That’s right, kids, before ‘90s streetwear took over, I was hyping up how utterly rad the ‘90s were! I lamented not being born a decade earlier, so I could’ve truly experienced the ‘90s in their entirety. I was really into the original waves of alternative and indie rock from the ‘80s and especially the ‘90s. It’s sort of funny that as I’m writing this, I’m listening to the music I listened to from 2010-2013, and it reminds me of that time. Music released in 1991 reminds me of 2012. Listening to “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out” reminds me of the Jack Layton vigil I went to in Summer 2011. I swore I’d never get nostalgic over the 2010s. Then again, I never thought I’d be lusting after the late ‘90s Freddie Prinze Jr aesthetic, and yet here we are. So I’m nostalgic over the early 2010s, which was when I was nostalgic over the 1990s. One day I’m sure I’ll be nostalgic over this era, and lament how I didn’t just fucking appreciate it.

This fear that I missed out in my late teens and early twenties, and this anxiety it causes me today, and this sense of being ancient in university, and how life is passing me by, I think it relates to how I feel like I’m not on the same path with my age cohort as I am used to being, as they move onto careers and “adulting”, and I’m at home learning about how the University of Calgary started as a branch campus of the University of Alberta. I feel perhaps that via that waning connection with my age cohort, I’m losing apart of myself in the process. That connection to who I am, to who I was, to the people who grew up in the same time. To the people who actually remember Tamagotchi and 9/11.

That’s as close as I’ve been able to get to coming to the crux of it. A friend recently mentioned how language simplifies things, but through that simplification it is harder to be truly understood. That debasing means that what is understood is inadequate. It really resonated with me. So I’m not sure if what I’m saying is making sense, nor am I really certain we can ever fully convey how we are feeling in words. Feelings seem infinite, beyond expression, and words seem quintessentially finite by comparison.

On some level, I just miss my best friend, and the uncertainty that comes with her being halfway across the world. I feel like life has passed me by. I took too long to figure things out. Sometimes I just want to go back to being a kid, so I don’t have to deal with all this shit. No fear of missing out. No feeling old. Nothing really to be nostalgic over yet. Before she left, Car and I hung out a fair bit. With her newly acquired license, she would accompany driving with hooking up her iPod for listening, and I was generally the disc jockey. She has the Pavement and Queen I got for her on there, something that stands out among the K-Pop and Beyonce. I can’t help now but think of her singing along to Pavement’s “Westie Can Drum” and Queen’s iconic “Bohemian Rhaposdy” now and of those easier, seemingly boundless days of the early 2010s, which feel pissed away. Of course, I’m candy-coating that time. My loneliness and hopelessness was so much more dire then. Sad to say, that hasn’t really changed in the intervening years -- it’s only gotten more complex and greyed.

This post is a lot deeper and more personal than I’ve done previously, despite some of my posts have teetered more personal as of late. Someone recently told me how they appreciated my candour here, and I didn’t even realize it resonated with anyone, and it’s given me the push to be willing to publish something like this. If you didn’t get any of this, maybe you’ll appreciate my playlist for this post, very circa 2012 Tyler, a time during which I spent way too much time on music forums trying to figure out “good” music and distancing myself from 21st century music. It contrasts heavily with the more high energy, electronic music I err towards now.

Perhaps one day I’ll learn to just appreciate the now, and not fuss over what others are doing or what I could’ve been doing years ago.

Belle & Sebastian -- Seeing Other People (1998) Weezer -- Pink Triangle (1996) The Smiths -- There Is A Light That Never Goes Out (1986) Teenage Fanclub -- The Concept (1991) Pixies -- Rock Music (1990) Pavement -- Westie Can Drum (1997) Smashing Pumpkins -- Quiet (1993) Queen -- Bohemian Rhapsody (1975) Nirvana -- Milk It (1993) Slint -- Nosferatu Man (1991) Sebadoh -- Prince-S (1996) My Bloody Valentine -- When You Sleep (1991) - YouTube quality is terrible The Clash -- Straight to Hell (1982) Hole -- Plump (1994) Fugazi -- Waiting Room (1989) Sonic Youth -- The Sprawl (1988)

2 notes · View notes

thelondonfilmschool · 7 years

Text

INTERVIEW with Newcastle-based and one-of-a-kind filmmaker: Benjamin Bee

Writer/Director Benjamin Bee graduated from London Film School in 2015 and moved back to his home town of Newcastle Upon Tyne, where he’s continued to hone the unique brand of personal- tragi-comedy which has seen his films screened at some of the world’s biggest film festivals and attracted the likes of Mike Leigh to his Crowdfunding videos. Ben turns his own life story into art, and it’s not hard to see why – within minutes of meeting him I’d been told an anecdote involving an axe, a crazed lunatic and a carton of banana milkshake. Below is the publishable version of Ben’s take on the North-South divide, his time at LFS and what it is that makes his ‘bonkers’ stories so universal.

S.M: Can you tell me a bit about your life before applying to London Film School?

B.B: I left school in Newcastle when I was 14 without any qualifications, and then I went to an access to college course. They did photography and had an old, broken VHS video camera, and with the people that I met there we started making comedy, stupid little films. They were unscripted, and weirdly I used that to get into the University of Westminster to do Contemporary Media Practice. That was in 2002, and then at the end of that course I made a short film called The Plastic Toy Dinosaur, which was produced by Rob Watson who’s an NFTS producing grad who’s doing really well now. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, I wrote it when I was 21 and I directed it when I was 22. I moved back to Newcastle and started working in a bar, but I hated it and I was miserable and the only thing I realised I had was this short film. I didn’t know about anything, I didn’t even know Cannes or Sundance existed.

So, I just started entering it in places that I found and one of them was the BBC3 New Filmmaker of the Year Award. There were tons of submissions and they selected it down to the last ten. It was actually a really good year – Alice Lowe had written and starred in one of them, and Sean Conway had a film as well, he writes for Ray Donavan now. It was nice because people started to screen the film and it seemed like they liked it and it resonated with audiences, but I still had no idea what I was doing and I was incredibly naïve. I mean, seriously dyslexic and had the reading and writing age of an 8-year-old. Not going to school probably didn’t help. So, I was kind of lost. I started working a theatre box office and I worked, like, 60 hours a week and tried to save money. And then I saw a Skillset bursary advertised. I’d always looked at LFS but I couldn’t afford the fees, but eventually after I’d saved some money from my job I applied and I got the bursary.

S.M: What did applying for that involve?

B.B: It’s based on previous work and it’s means tested so you basically have to be poor and talented, or at least fake them into believing that you have some form of talent (laughs). I think I had something to say, coming from a slightly different background, and all my stories are weirdly personal. You go in front of a panel and when I got called back I literally cried like a small child. And then I went to LFS! It was interesting and difficult and there were people from so many different walks of life. I learnt the craft of filmmaking – I tried to eat up everything.

The most important thing for me was the people – you’re surrounded by people who are really passionate about film. It’s two years surrounded by people who’ll put a lot of effort in, and I met a lot of people who had a lot of fun making films that I’m really proud of. I did a film called Step Right Up when I was there, which was my Term 4 exercise. We had 36 minutes of film stock to make a nine-minute film and it was screened at 40 film festivals. We got long-listed for the BAFTA, which means we were down to the last 10 or 15, which had never been done before by a fourth term film. It was huge.

S.M: What do you think it was about that film that made it so successful?

B.B: I make comedies and they’re personal. I’ve never really struggled with getting films into festivals because I don’t try to make arduous bulls**t. It’s personal, and also I’m not the most masculine man but I know lots of masculine men who do have feelings, and everybody has a shared experience of feelings and pain so there’s nothing that makes even the most masculine, awful guy not sensitive. A lot of my films are about paternal bonds or absent father figures, because my dad left and he was an utter c***. So, I’ve got a lot of things like that, that kind of resonate.

My new one’s about something that genuinely happened, which was when my dad left when I was five and my mum decided to take me and my brother out of school and take us to Metroland, which is a theme park in Newcastle. My brother went on the dodgems but I was too little, so I had to go on the merry-go-round. It was amazing, and I was on a big white horse going round and round. Every time I’d come round I’d see my mum just stood there in floods and floods of tears, and then I’d go past her, and I could see my brother having the best time ever. That’s an analogy for my relationships with my siblings! I think if you say things that are deeply personal then they’re always going to do much better than things that aren’t you. When I started in term one and term two, I started trying to make stuff to look more “intelligent”, and then I realised that it wasn’t making me at all happy. So, by term four I made something ridiculous and by graduation I made a film called Sebastian which was a horror comedy which was also a bit nuts.

S.M: Was it always your plan to go back to Newcastle after graduation?

B.B: The day I handed my grad film in I went for a meeting to direct a pilot taster for Baby Cow, Steve Coogan and Henry Normal’s company. I got that, and I brought Yiannis (Manolopoulos, fellow LFS student and cinematographer) in, it was written by a friend of mine, Dan Mersh, who was also in Step Right Up, Plastic Toy Dinosaur, Sebastian and Mordechai. And that was really good because I got to meet Henry Normal, who was the managing director of the company. He’d written the Royle Family, Mrs Merton, he’d produced some of my fave TV shows, including the Mighty Boosh … He loved it. but Channel 4 didn’t pick it up. Then I moved back to Newcastle, in 2015, and broke my ankle running for a train! I was in a cast for over a year.

Then I applied to the Jewish Film Fund for my film Mordechai, I’m not actually Jewish but the film’s subject is. It’s doing really well, it’s got into Palm Springs, BFI London Film Festival, and various others. It’s about these identical twins, one of which has left the community and one of whom has stayed at home. There’s an ultra-orthodox community in Gateshead and it’s quite insular and interesting. So, I developed a story about, what if one of them had left and then had to come home for a reason? The dad dies and the other brother comes home and he has to go and pick him up. They’ve got very different life choices – one brother’s dressed in black and the other turns up wearing tie-dyed hippy shit. He’s still Jewish but in his own way. Mordechai is really happy and charming and Daniel, who stayed at home, is a bit more down-trodden and miserable. Then Mordechai drops dead and Daniel makes the decision to body swap and becomes Mordechai and goes to his own funeral. It comes out the end quite positive but it’s also quite emotional!

S.M: You work a lot with producer Maria Caruana Galizia – is she someone you met through LFS?

B.B: No, she’s from Malta. She moved to Newcastle after living in Scotland for a while (I think), and there’s very few producers here. I met her at a networking event – she liked something I’d made, I liked something she’d made and we just decided to try and apply for stuff. She’s fu***ng awesome, super talented and incredibly hardworking. Also, she puts up with me…

S.M: Do you find that being based up in Newcastle has its pros and cons?

B.B: It really does. The benefits are that you can shoot anywhere for dead cheap but crewing’s impossible because every good member of crew’s doing Vera or The Dumping Ground. There’s swings and roundabouts. It’s beautiful, and has a better quality of life but there is definitely a massive divide. All the work’s in London, all the agents are there.

S.M: Do you manage to make a living out of the work you’re doing at the moment?

B.B: I’m a very cheap human being. It’s difficult when you start out because a lot of the stuff that you’re doing, like the shorts, aren’t going to make any money unless you start winning prize money. I’m at the stage now where it’s a little bit easier because I can apply for funding for development from the BFI etc. That’s what I’m applying for at the moment. I’m doing a project with Henry Normal, a documentary on him and his poetry. I’m also just finishing Metroland and I’m really, really happy with it, but I’ve got no idea how it’s going to go down ‘cause it’s a bit mental.

S.M: How did you get Mike Leigh to appear in the crowdfunding promo?

B.B: He pops up in it, and basically the whole joke is that the film’s kind of like Weekend at Bernie’s, but imagine Weekend at Bernie’s if it was directed by Mike Leigh. You see the door open and it’s Mike Leigh going “Ben, can you stop phoning and emailing me and if you give me another copy of Weekend at Bernie’s …” (laughs).

I sent him an email going, “Hi Mike! Creative England are insisting that I do Crowdfunding and I really don’t wanna do it, so instead of making a video in which everybody’s positive, I want to make a video where everybody’s really negative about the experience.” He said yes without questioning it for a second… When I shot the video with Mike it was me, Yiannis and Eoin Maher, who did Filmmaking at LFS as well, and Mike who was just really hilarious. It was a lot of fun. Mike’s always been incredibly kind and supportive. He’s got a really good sense of humour. It’s the thing I love about his work to be honest.

S.M: Have you found it cathartic making such personal work based on your own life?

B.B: Unless you’re very good at what you do, this is just my advice, you can hide everything but what you do has to at some point be personal and resonate. Deconstruct any movie ever, like every movie Wes Anderson ever made is basically about his father walking out on his family, even though you don’t always realise it. It’s all about masculinity. It’s that thing that all your faults are your strongest features. I definitely find it therapeutic and I definitely think you deal with stuff. Spielberg says that it’s the only job where you get paid for therapy. I think that’s a great quote because it’s true in a way. Especially if you can’t afford therapy!

S.M: What do you think was the most important thing that LFS taught you?

B.B: The main revelation was that, whenever anybody goes into anything, doesn’t matter if it’s school, college or university, everybody comes in with a competitive nature that they’re going to be the best. Being competitive with yourself and wanting to make the best work is amazing, that’s the best way to be. But anybody else, whether they’re a director or whatever, should be your friends and your peer group, people that will help you. You basically have a support network with other filmmakers. That was really helpful, because it felt like you had a cheerleading squad and you could also do it for other people and you’d be really grateful. And that’s the industry – you’re not really in competition because nobody’s going to make the same film as you. You learn that very quickly at LFS because there’s people making such different work and you can really appreciate it. Then those people can come and work and collaborate on something you’re making, and you make something different and everybody learns from each other. Definitely the international vibe really helps as well. I was one of very few Brits and that was really nice, because obviously in Newcastle it’s mostly just people from there. In my term I had Yiannis from Greece, Pauline who was French, Rodrigo who was Mexican, Habib who’s American … it was really nice. I enjoyed it. Everybody’s great! Working with happy, positive people who feel comfortable in a nice environment is what makes the best work. And I think that’s what comes from having so many passionate people at LFS. It was a life-changing opportunity.

#mike leigh #filmmaking #weekendatbernies #filmstudies #wes anderson #creativeskillset #lfsorguk #gateshead #newcastle #steve coogan #babycow #metroland #sundance #rob watson #sean conway #dyslexia #london #bfi #jewish film fund

1 note · View note

surveyjunkie · 7 years

Text

1. First of all, what do you prefer to be called? Tasha. 2. What is your favorite form of creative expression? For me, it’s either blogging or painting. If I had any musical talent, it would be that. 3. How do you like your coffee OR if you don’t like it, why?: I take it with loads of flavored cream. 4. What is the least desirable thing, in your opinion, to put on a pizza that you have heard of people actually eating?: I guess anchovies...fish and pizza just don’t sound appetizing together. I’m also not big on putting chicken on pizza unless it’s chicken bacon ranch. 5. Would you rather witness the beginning or the end of the universe?: The beginning.

6. Describe your favourite pair of socks: They have the sailor moon bow on them.

7. What is the current or last song you are listening/listened to, and does it have any special significance to you?: I don’t even remember what it was. I can’t find my headphones :( 8. Do you prefer rainbows or stars?: Stars 9. Describe the best day of your life NOT in terms of events, but in terms of your feelings: Elation. 10. Would you rather go to a planetarium or an aquarium?: Aquarium. 11. Do you know the reason that 11:11 is considered to be auspicious?: No idea. 12. What decorations are hanging on your walls?: At home? There’s a couple of paintings I made, a framed Margarita recipe, and my Bachelor’s degree. 13. What is your favourite planet in our solar system?: Earth 14. How do you express love?: More through actions than words because I suck at talking about emotions. << 15. Do you consider yourself to be more spiritual or scientific?: Spiritual I guess. 16. If you had a lava lamp, what color would you want it to be?: Teal 17. Would you rather be able to revisit your past to simply re-experience a positive moment or revisit your past in order to change things and risk the consequences?: Maybe just re-experience a positive moment. I’m weird about the idea of changing things that have happened in the past, even though I have strong regrets. I feel like things wouldn’t be how they are now if I hadn’t had the unique experiences of the past. Idk. 18. Have you ever had a past-life regression or memory?: I remember when I first got braces, I told my mom that the feeling of having them felt familiar, even though I’d never had them before in my life. That’s the only indication I’ve had so far that I may have led a past life. 19. What is your favourite holiday and why?: Christmas. Family and food. << And eggnog/booze 20. Are you better with remembering dates or names?: Dates. I’m terrible with names. 21. What was your favourite book that you had to read for a class?: 1984. 22. What is your favourite number and why is it significant to you?: 7. It signifies my 7th year of life and the 7th grade, which were both great times for me.

23. Would you rather explore space or the ocean?: Space. 24. What prompted you to call the last person you called?: I missed her call so was calling her back. 25. Star Trek or Star Wars?: Wars. 26. Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter?: LOTR. 27. What is your favourite band and why?: I have lots of favourites, because I can’t choose just one. << 28. What colour best resonates with your best friend(s)?: Navy blue or white. 29. Where do you work and why do you work there?: I work in the research office at the local hospital because they offered me a position that is relevant to my bachelor’s degree and will look extremely good on grad school applications.

30. Have you ever gone to a public karaoke facility, and what did you sing?: I’ve been to one, but I didn’t sing 31. What animal do you feel most connected with?: My dog. 32. Have you ever had “special brownies” or any other kind of “special” treat?: Yep, I didn’t care for them. I just prefer to smoke it. 33. What book are you reading at the moment?: None. 34. What is the funniest thing that you have done at a fast food restaurant? Probably when I fell asleep on my food when I was drunk. 35. Do you enjoy listening to music that is sung in another language?:

Yes, especially Spanish 36. Quote the last movie you watched: “Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, Beauty and the Beast” 37. Do you know more than just your sun sign (like your ascending sign or moon sign etc.)?: I’m not sure what that is 38. Do you have any jewelery on you that holds significance, and if so, what is it and why is it significant?: I have a couple of rings my mom bought for me on my birthday. One is a ruby ring which is my birthstone and the other has two small diamonds in it. 39. What is your favorite kind of cheesecake?: Peanut butter fudge 40. Why did you last feel warm and fuzzy inside?: Just cuddling with Josh.

41. What band that no longer performs together do you wish would have a reunion tour?: Pink Floyd.<< Yes. They came to my city back when I was in college and I was hoping my dad would take me, but he never did. I’m still salty as hell about it. 42. What band that IS still together do you wish would perform in your area?: Alt-J 43. Have you ever been in a band, and what role did you play in it?: Nope 44. What has been the single most frightening experience of your life?: I haven’t had anything too terrible. Most of them just involve minor car accidents, my car breaking down in the middle of the highway, or locking myself out of my apartment. They’re stressful scary things but I haven’t had anything that has caused trauma, which I’m thankful for. 45. Who is/was your favourite Spice Girl?: Baby Spice. 46. Do you prefer free verse or poetry set in a form?: It doesn’t matter to me 47. In a hotel, would you choose to go in the hot tub, the sauna, the workout room, or the pool?: The hot tub. 48. Imagine that you are exploring space. Who would you want with you and what would you want to explore, assuming you are not limited in any way?: I would want a bunch of trained astronauts with me. The idea of space freaks me out. << 49. Have you ever astral projected?: Say what? 50. What is your favourite song by the group t.A.T.u?: Probably “All The Things She Said” because that’s the only other one I know besides “They’re Not Gonna Get Us”.

51. Describe what you envision as “paradise”: Being on a boat in the middle of a lake with beer, a fishing pole, and good music. I think I may have been a redneck in another life, but I’m okay with that. 52. What element do you feel most connected to?: Water. 53. What is a cause that you feel very strongly about and why?: Keeping Planned Parenthood around. I just think low income women should have the same access to gynecological exams and life-saving procedures that rich women do. Defunding them is not going to stop abortion. 54. What was your favourite class from the last year that you were in school?: I really enjoyed Diversity and Health. I learned a lot about other cultures and how difficult access to healthcare is in other countries. I really think everybody should take that class. 55. What is a topic that you study independently for your own interest?: Politics or psychology, when I’m in the mood. 56. Describe what you would want to wear if you were getting married, handfasted, or having some kind of “love celebration” or “commitment” ceremony between yourself and another? A long white dress, probably lace with belled sleeves. 57. What song do you want played at your funeral?: "Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba. 58. Would you rather alphabetize or put things in order according to numbers?: Alphabetize 59. What medication do you dislike the most?: Antibiotics, they ruin my stomach. 60. Would you rather write a story or a poem?: Story. 61. Do you believe in non-physical entities, and if so have you ever communicated with one?: I don’t know if I do. I mean, I used to pray to God, but I’m not sure if that’s what you’re referring to. 62. What invention or discovery do you think that the scientific community should focus on?: I think they’re already focus on a lot of important priorities, like medical care, disease cure and treatment, etc. << Yeah. I work in medical research and I can tell you that we are extremely well funded.

63. If you could go anywhere, where would you go and why?: Anywhere? I’d go explore the west coast because I’ve never been there in my 24 years as a U.S. citizen. 64. What skill do people often compliment you on?: I don’t know. I don’t have any skills.<< 65. What are three facets of your personality or thinking patterns that you want to improve?: Social anxiety, self-doubt, hastiness 66. What is your favourite symbol?: $$$ 67. Name an unusual shortcut or file that’s on your desktop: There’s nothing unusual on my desktop, unless you think my Doge background is unusual, which if you do, FUCK YOU! Lol, just kidding. I don’t know. 68. What do you smell like right now?: Burberry Weekend 69. You get to have a theme party of your choice, just for fun. What theme do you choose?: 80′s! Even though it’s been done fifty billion times. I don’t care. 70. Have you ever been in the depths of a cave?: No 71. How do you deal with the dark side of yourself?: I listen to depressing music or watch fucked up movies. 72. Name something that you can’t help but save: Receipts. 73. What is your addiction?: Fries, pizza, online shopping 74. If you could wish something for three people, but not for yourself, who would the wishes be for and what would they be?: Health, happiness and money for everyone I love. << 75. Would you rather send a message in a bottle or on a balloon?: Balloon. 76. What did you dream last night?: I had a nightmare I was stabbed in the ghetto and ran to a guy in his car for help. I asked him to drive me to the hospital because I was bleeding a lot but he ended up taking me to the grocery store instead and made me wait for him to spend 10 minutes picking out fruit before he finally took me to the hospital. 77. What is one of your most frequent daydreams?: Quitting my job 78. What is your favourite stuffed animal?: My squirtle. 79. If you could have a conversation with any well-known figure of the past or present, who would it be and what would you want to talk about?: I really don’t know. 80. If you could bring anyone back to life, who would it be?: My uncle 81. Are you affectionate?: Yes 82. Name one thing that each of your best friends is really good at: Smoking pot. 83. What are you a perfectionist with?: Certain things at work. 84. Could you see yourself being able to carry on a long distance relationship?: I did it for 6 months. Granted, we were within driving distance, but it was still hard. 85. If you could be anything but human, including anything mythical, what would you be?: A unicorn. 86. Have you ever meditated? If so, what is your method, and if not, what do you do to relax?: I’ve done it a couple of times, it doesn’t really help. Usually breathing exercises and hot tea help. 87. What is something about yourself that you feel no one else understands?: I’m over analytical

#survey

1 note · View note