#i wanna draw the rest but theres fear that none of the other guys will be good as him

[eumillipes]

I forget who my target audience is sometimes

[gender-chaotic]

I don’t think I’ve hear anything about your Paranormal Investigator au?? Could you tell me/us about it?

Anon bless, thank you for giving me an exuse to info dump about my au. Also just a warning this is going to mix characters from all 3 canons and its gonna be pretty long. So this au takes place in pleasent pines Connecticut (based on peaceful pines from the show) that is a paranormal hotspot of sorts. Its seen as a town curse and while many of the townsfolk are vaugley aware of the cryptids,ghosts,monsters,ect. That are apart of the town they tend to turn a blind eye/ignore it. This also has to do with the witch trials that took place in Connecticut hundreds of years ago which raises the towns superstitions. Beej, adam, babs are paranormal investigators who live out of their van with lydia who doesnt live in the van with them but helps them hunt the paranormal Beetlejuice/bj/beej (Lawrence beetlejuice Shaggoth) (23) is one of the local paranormal investigator, at a young age he learned he could see ghosts due to the death of his father which was thought to be him leaving his family. After that beej started to see ghosts anywhere they were and tried to tell people around town and attempt to help ghosts as much as he could. This sparked beej's interest in becoming a paranormal investigator and he attempted for years to tell people and town and get them to pay attention but he ended up gaining the reputation as being the "crazy wierd kid who thinks he can see ghosts". Over the years as beej started to humant and investigate the paranormal more and more in town with the rest if the gang the town started to resent him more and he was also seen a making their "curse" worse not to mention breaking into buildings and generally "causing trouble" around town to do his job. Juno, mother to beej and his twin brother Donny hated this and for years tried to shut down his belief in the paranormal and discourage him from hunting ghosts. The fact that beej insists that he says he kept seeing his father as a ghost around made it worse. Juno is a successful buisness woman in town obsessed with her image and status in town and often pits donny and bj against eachother and cares more about they make her look than her own children. She made it clear all bj's life he was a disappointment and always insulted and berated him but favored donny, she even attempted to have beej institutionalized because of his ability to see ghosts and also undiagnosed mental illness she never took seriously, but since beej was always deemed "mentally healthy" it was never sucessful but gave him a fear of being institutionalized and asylums. When beej turned 18 she kicked him out of the house and beetlejuice dropped out of highschool, after this beetlejuice officially started his parnormal investigation buisness out of his van traveling around town and even out of town or out of state at times. Juno still lets him and the rest of the gang in the house at times or atleast let them sleep in the van in their driveway because donny begs her. Beetlejuice often steals food and supplies from his mom's place but donny replaces it for him and attempts to help beej out financially but of course beej is too stubborn to take it. Barbara(21) lived on a farm her whole life with a deeply religious family and was homeschooled, she often went into town to read books at the library where she learned about witchcraft and immediately took a liking to it, secretly practicing at home. Her parents unfortunatly found out multiple times and each and everytime threw out or destroyed any altars, books, herbs, ect. She had anything she had to do with witchcraft. When she was 18 a monster/crpytid started hunting down and killing local farm animals. Baraba who is an animal lover and also a very young witch secised to try and bring the animals back but failed and while doing so was kicked out of their home, blamed for the murders of those farm animals even after she insisted and begged it wasnt hrler and that it was somwthing else out there but none of her family believes her instead she is called the devil and various other insults. After this she moves in with adam for the time being who's parents reluctantly take her in temporarily. Adam (21) used to go to school with beej and donny back in middle/high school. For a long time he kind of saw beej how everyone else saw beetlejuice, and thought he was a crazy trouble making wierdo not wanting anything to do with him until one day barbara brings beetlejuice around telling adam they should help him hunt the paranormal, withadam being the tech guy since his love for fixing and building things carries over into more modern tech in this au. Adam doesnt believe beej at first but on their first job that quickly changes and the 3 of them eventually become paranormal investigation team, barbara being their witch/mystic and adam ad their tech/research/ and camera guy. Adam's parents eventually kick adam and barbara out because they don't approve of Barbara's witchcraft but also that both of them are working with the "town menace" beetlejuice so after that they live with beej out of the van. Often struggling to turn a profit or make ends meet . all of them become infamous around town and ans are mostly hated especially since they're rivaling otho. Otho(early to mid 30's) is the town's medium,exorcist ,paranormal investigator and rival of our mystery gang. Most of the town looks up to him and he's seen as the savior of pleasant pines when he's actually a fraud. He rarely actually solves any actually problems or finds a cheap/half assed way of doing it while pretending to this all powerful mystic. He also tends to just straight up exorsize ghosts even low level ones that arent demons or poltergeists when beetle juice tries to help these spirits and they down need to be exorsized. Otho is assisted by vanessa (She is the magician's assistant from the film)(24/25) his loyal assistant who enjoys having power in town and living ontop working for otho uaually willing to do whatever he says to help them rise to power of course she is very independent and will speak her mind, still often doing what she wants. They both along with otho's other followers want the mystery gang gone. Delia (early to mis 30's) is one of the the many deticated followers to otho in town, being one of his closest friends and wants to help in anyway she can. Delia is also a witch or a witch in training under otho but very new to witchcraft and since she is taken under otho's wing she doesn't really know alot of proper witchcraft. Delia is more naive and thinks otho is actually helping, wanting to assist him and the town in anyway possible. Lydia (13), Charles' daughter and delia's stepdaughter is fascinated with the paranormal and runs a blog "pleasant pines paranormal" documenting all things weird in town. Lydia is also obsessed with the mystery gang and desperately wishes to join them despite being so young and a job like this will put her in alot of danger. She eventually convinces them to hire them because of her father's connections to certain buildings and lands around town since charles has a job in real estate and is pretty successful/well off giving them leads ahead of otho. With her step mother's close friendship with him this also gives them a chance to one up him. Lydia can see ghosts loke beej but keeps it mostly a secret to not be ostracized even more by the town like beej is, and eventually learns witcraft under barbara. Through out the story lydia is also trying to look for emily's ghost around town or find her in some kind of after life. Charles (late 30's) as mentioned works in real estate in town inadvertently helping the gang with leads and investigation. Charles is more neutral toward otho and the mystery gang, he doesnt really see otho as a great saviour of the town like everyone else but luts up with all the otho stuff because of delia. He also doesn't hate the mystery gang just see's them as a bunch of kids making money the same way otho is although he isnt thrilled his daughter is following them around. This is the main cast and story for now, there are more characters like: tina (miss argentina) (24) who is childhood friends with beej and donny she like charles is more neuteral toward bith parties although since she ia friends with beetle juice she is more on their side, often trying to help them with food, essentials, somwetimes lets them sleep in her apartment and use her shower. She unfortunatly doeant areally believe that beej can see ghosts like the town and thinks its "delusions" which puts a strain in their friendship especially since tina thinks they should find a real job, this isnt malicious she's just worried about her friends and hates seeing them struggle. Tina Secretary/assistant to juno in this au and the ex girlfriend to vanessa. Tina doesnt really like otho and broke up with vanessa after she became closer and more loyal to him. Claire (13) lydia's classmate (and crush) like in the cartoon bullies lydia for being "weird" and helping the mystery gang, claire's parents are rich followers of otho. Sometimes acts as a spy/informant for otho to prove her loyalty to him and her parents. I think this is all the basic info and main cast stuff for the au im probably missing some stuff tho. Theres also alot of things i have developed already and alot more world building i want to do so if y'all wanna hear more about this au hmu in asks, I'll probably even draw some stuff for this au.

[cas-tellation]

Not What You Thought (I’m Sorry, I Didn’t Know) part 8

Last chapter - Masterlist - Read on ao3

A/N; Firstly; I just wanted to say that I have this fic pretty much mapped out, BUT there's a big empty space between now and the ending -- just because i need some filler stuff that i can use to add some ~development~ that being said, if you want anything specific to happen in this fic, please, please leave a comment telling me as this is the perfect time for me to maybe fit some of that stuff in. Nothing too big, just lil things. (do you want phil to get a pet? do you want more flashbacks from dan? flashbacks from phil? more about their family & all of that?? literally anything little like that that i can write a little bit about)Secondly; here a playlist of all the music i listen to whilst writing (i mean theres other music i constantly forget to add songs whoops) so if you wanna really ~get in the zone~ whilst readin you can go listen to that if you want i guess here it is And finally; lots of people who read this fic are ftm trans and thats great!! all the feedback that i've gotten back from them is so nice, and im very, very happy that this fic is at least somewhat realistic. I, myself, am not trans, however i am agender (demiboy? idk lol im figuring things out still) so i do have ~some~ experience with dysphoria and all that stuff, but at the same time its also amazing to hear what people say(a huge thanks to everyone's who's left comments on this fic so far... they really are greatly appreciated.)

Dan’s tired. He doesn’t want to get out of bed. Doesn’t want to do much of anything, really. The dysphoria is there; strong as ever. Maybe that’s the thing that he hates the most about himself: The dysphoria. Some people say that they understand that; understand the self hatred that comes with being stuck in the wrong body. But really, how could they, if they were cis?

When his mum claims that everything will be okay and that she understands, and that what he’s going through is something that every teen goes through-- isn’t she lying, because he’s not every teen. He’s Dan, not Yazi. He’s trans, not cis. He doesn’t know anybody who is trans - save for a couple of youtubers that he watches, more for the education aspect of being trans than anything else.

He feels alone. He can’t go to someone. Say, Phil. He couldn’t go to Phil and have the other boy comfort him, and tell him that everything’s going to be okay. Because how would Phil know, if he’s cis? How could Phil possibly know? How could anybody? Sure, they could have little glimpses, but nothing tangible. They wouldn’t feel dysphoria.

They wouldn’t feel this tired.

There’s a certain level of self hatred, but a lot of it was just the dysphoria. It makes him want to physically claw off his own skin.

-

School is stressful. He feels like he’s falling apart under the pressure of it. He’s doing too much and yet he still feels like he’s not doing enough. He stops doing his homework completely because whenever he hands it in and gets anything less than a perfect score; he feels like he’s failed somehow.

Of course, he hasn’t failed just because he has gotten a lower score, but still.

His mind is constantly messing with him and he’s so tired.

-

Phil’s embrace is more than welcoming after a long day. Dan melts into his arms, taking a long, shuddering breath and burying his face into Phil’s chest.

Take another deep breath. Now, close your eyes. Feel, where are you?

In, and out, darkness. Phil’s arms, Phil’s body, Phil’s heart, beating slowly and steadily beneath Dan’s cheek, further calming him. Phil’s saying something, maybe asking if Dan’s okay. Or alternatively, what’s wrong.

God, it feels like everything is wrong.

Everything, and it’s all piling up.

It’s too much. It’s all just - too much. He doesn’t know if he can deal with it anymore. He misses the sharp kiss of the blade against his pale skin.

But he’s here in Phil’s arms, safe from physical harm.

l

Only for the time being. Phil would leave and then - and then.

God.

Since when does the world spin like this? Since when does the world hurt like this?

Phil’s arms are drawing tighter around Dan’s thin body, one hand coming up to comb gently through Dan’s ever-so-slightly curly hair.

“It’ll be okay, Danny,” Phil’s saying.

But the thing is, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be okay. Because everything hurts but at the same time everything’s so empty and heavy and full and painful. In Dan’s eyes, it’s not going to be okay. Not by a long shot. He feels so broken, and used up, and thoroughly useless.

He’s none of those things.

But his mind refuses to think of himself as anything but that.

Phil’s arms are around him, holding him together. When all Dan is doing is breaking apart.

-

Phil’s gone. He hadn’t wanted to leave. He’d been worried about Dan. They’re all worried, all the time. Phil, the teachers at school, Dan’s parents.

But Phil had to leave.

And Dan is now alone. Feeling the worst that he has in a long time. And he doesn’t know what to do.

-

Everything’s hazy. It’s like he’s looking at his life through a keyhole. Not really there. It’s almost as if he can’t feel anything. Is he dreaming? He can’t remember going to sleep but he still doesn’t feel like he’s properly awake. Through a keyhole. Hazy. Dream-like. Sitting on the edge of a bathtub, rolling up his sleeves.

Numb.

A razor, in his hand.

And god is he really going to do this?

-

Sleep is laced through with unease.

-

The feeling’s not gone the next day. He had hoped that after a good night’s sleep that the hurt would go away.

He doesn’t know how he’s going to make it through the day.

The binder fits too tight. His hair is growing out a little and it only adds to the dysphoria. Everything feels too feminine. Too much. Way too much. Make it stop, please.

-

He walks to school, the overcast sky reflecting his emotional state perfectly.

He pauses, in front of the school door, weighing his options.

Then, he turns around and walks in the opposite direction. Fuck school.

-

He doesn’t go home. God, he doesn’t want to go ‘home’ ever again. He goes to the park instead, where he and Phil had been. Except that now Phil’s not there. Instead, there are countless children and their parents. He almost regrets coming but sits down on the edge of a bench anyway, pulling a book out of his bag and trying to lose himself in the story. At least for a little while.

It’s weird, how invisible he is.

Nobody seems to notice him.

Nobody bothers him.

He almost wishes that he could do this everyday. Until he remembers how much school he’s missing and feels his throat choke up. Too much, this is all too much, and yet not enough.

-

Phil texts him just after noon, when Dan would usually meet him.

Dan doesn’t reply.

-

Everything is falling apart at a steady pace and there’s nothing that Dan can do to stop it.

-

That night, Dan lays in bed, his hands resting on his stomach, tears racing down his cheeks. He thinks, ‘I need Phil’, and then, ‘I need Nicole’, and after that he hates himself a little bit more.

-

The amount of notifications that Dan wakes up to is absolutely horrifying, in his opinion. Dozens from Phil. Even one from Nicole. He breath catches in his throat as he sees it;

Nic: where have you been ive missed u

He doesn’t know if he can reply to it. He does anyway.

Dan: i miss you too.

And he does. Fuck, he does.

He locks his phone again before he replies to Phil. A sick feeling settles in his belly.

-

At lunch the next day, Dan’s almost disappointed to see that Phil isn’t yet sitting on the dusty patch of ground behind the building. He pulls out the same book that he had started yesterday, and begins reading. He’s hoping that Phil will show up.

But scared, too, because he’s so unresponsive. He’s scared that Phil will think that Dan doesn’t like him and he’s scared that Phil won’t see how lost Dan is.

But fear isn’t helping him so he pushes it down and tries so hard to focus on the words in front of him. He doesn’t know if it’s working.

Phil does show up. He’s not mad that Dan hadn’t been there the day before, instead, he was worried about how Dan was feeling.

Phil says, “Hey Danny.”

And Dan says, “I told you to stop calling me that.”

And then Phil hugs him again and all Dan can think is: Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Because what did he do to deserve someone like this? Since when did he get to be with the Good Guy? Since when did someone who actually cared about things pay any sort of attention to him?

Usually it was someone looking for a good fuck.

Or Nicole, who simply didn’t have her life together enough to care.

Dan lets Phil hold him and is scared that Phil will leave once he realizes how well and truly fucked up Dan feels.

-

Feeling good is something that takes a long time. Dan feels a spark of it that night when Phil texts him saying:

Phil: Goodnight dannyyyyyyy <3333

The spark being Dan’s stomach flopping around happily. Happily. Happiness. It’s something that he has a hard time feeling.

But with Phil, it seems to come easier.

-

Dan wakes up feeling a bit more awake than usual. He tells himself that this means he’s getting over the depression, though he can still feel it lurking there, right under his skin, waiting for the worst time to make it’s re-appearance.

It’s horrible, living like this, but at the point that Dan is now at, it’s impossible to avoid.