#i was doing my dragoon hunting journal thing

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

I am the softly falling snow

my first ffxiv writing about my wol! spoilers for heavenward post the vault as well as the dragoon level 60 quest, and the beginning of stormblood, although all are vague and the second and third are one line each. warning for grief [you know what im taking about] title taken from 'do not stand at my grave and weep'

the observations and musings of solider of camp dragons head as he watches the warrior of light.

The near silhouette of dragoon armor on top of a black chocobo moved over the white snow towards the observatorium. The unusual size of bird and warrior alike marked it as the warrior of light and her favored mount, probably pounding towards Ser Bale and another of his tasks.

The soldiers of dragons head camp had seen her make that trip many previous times. 

Once, the large warrior bursting from the atherite and calling her mount from the stables before running though the gate full speed had caused alarm (and laughter, wild affectionate laughter that these walls no longer heard.)

It still did, as the wide eyes of the fresh blood paired up with him showed. But it could yet be awe of the near mythical woman, someone who became so quickly a hero of ishgard.

He remembered her when she was a lancer still, wandering through the snow, sprinting, terrified of the monsters she now slays with ease, towards the domineering walls of the camp, where the glow of the atherite peaked over the towering stone.

(Still remembers her and her friends shivering bodies crawling through the snow, the near blizzard obscuring them until they got close, frozen to the core, hearts heavy with grief and anger, heroes of eorzea no more, just another group of people seeking refuge)

Still remembers secretive meetings, a parade of notable people that they were sworn to silence about, in and out of that door- a needless gesture in the face of their loyalty to the commander. (still remembers his commander reactions to those meetings)

Despite himself, he is smiling. Memories of the same journey, of when she would stop before pounding down, or even her slow ascents back up towards the warmth of the keep (towards the warmth of the seat of command and the hidden away room and the man within) after grueling missions to prove herself a dragoon.

She doesn't hesitate anymore. Doesn’t pause, just whistles and then moves. She summons the chocobo on the atherite platform, not even reveling in the leap from atop it before doing so.

There has been a lot less joy in Dragons Head. The other outpost’s celebrations of the end of the war and final defeat of the dread wyrm were noticeably louder, the stone walls here still suffocating in grief. 

He found himself wondering if that quiet celebration and suffocating loss was matched in the infamous headquarters of the knights dragoon. Although, they were accustomed to the high death toll and constant grief that marked the years post calamity long before. It hurt to think of the heroes' fellow dragon slayers moving exactly the same, already accustomed to drowning in loss, unchanged even after the horror that befell their leader, and the death of Ser de Vimaroix.

And yet the veil was slowly lifting here. The new soldiers that accompanied the new commander, uncertain around the solemn faces, reminding them of how hospitable these walls were meant to be. The slow acceptance of what happened, the creeping pride in the future he helped create.

A flash of fire shakes him out of his musings, one of the stone giants falling to the heroes first attack. She pauses as the corpse collapses into aether, possibly in shock at how quickly the stone beast fell to her spear, before sprinting towards the next one, to slay it too.

The next one suffers the same swift fate, with her now mere yalms away from the gate.

She enters slowly, and he hurries to the other side of the battlements, not wanting to lose sight of her.

She walks into the commander's room, pulling closed the door behind her. He lets out a breath he was unaware of holding. 

The fresh blood stares at him, eyes wide, before shaking his head and continuing patrol. Evidently the young soldier thought him quite mad, but given the other eyes glued to their armored friend, he was not alone.

The door opened again, the warrior walking out, before… standing still. She seemed almost regretful, the opposite of her confident step in. A shared glance with the guard by the door confirmed his worries.

No doubt when their shifts were up, he would hear the whispers of what happened in that room.

The snow had already drowned her footprints, and was threatening to settle on her hair, before she moved. 

Moved towards the alleyway between the buildings.

Moved towards the door.

His heart ached for her.

After she entered, he waited. Eventually he restarted his patrol, yet still glanced towards the alleyway more than he should have.

-

In the end, he only saw her exit when he was climbing down after his shift had ended. Her solemn face mostly hidden by her helmet. 

The helmet she wasn't wearing when she walked in.

It did little to hide the tightness of her lips, but he had seen dragoon after dragoon hide emotional eyes behind mithril visor - there's a reason the warrior wearing the helmet with the visor up had been a surprise, her fellow warriors all either forgoing the helmet or hiding behind it.

He silently wished her well and for her heart to be at ease. Their commander wasn't the only person they were missing, but she had been taken from them in an entirely different way.

Still it comforted them all, these little glimpses of her, to see her alive, still running, still fighting, growing ever stronger.

He hoped it would be a sight he saw until they were both old and gray. 

He knew that with the way she threw herself into cause after cause, with the whispers of her fighting garleans in the dessert, his hopes, the hopes of the whole camp (the hopes of their commander) might be betrayed.

Yet still he hoped.

[an-ishgardian-tale]

An Entry from the Memoirs of Viviane Jienuex

The older I get the more I begin to understand my Mother, this is of course helped with the journals that were left to me in the will that not only detail the history of House Jienuex but also her personal history which is no better than my own.

The other night I found a passage of the night I was brought back to Ishgard in the arms of the unknown Dragoon. Like me my Mother searched for him. The only things she ever learned were from the guard at the gate that knew him were that he never removed his helm due to a disfigurement from a battle during Dragonsong and that he was no longer enlisted forced into a early retirement to battle something and was not expected to live. Apparently he had for through the snow he came for me.

It was this same entry that my Mother opened herself to speaking of how I was returned from the Lambs. I knew not my name, or my station, I had not eaten in Moons from how frail I was and there was a madness in my eyes that she swore she would take with her to the Sea. The Chiurgeon had sworn to her there not a spec of void energy clinging to me, and she verified this later in her own ways yet I still craved Aether, and not just any Aether. My desire was the Aether that was contained in Vitae or Blood as it is normally called. She took me from place to place having me seen by Doctors, Thaumaturges, Conjuerers and Professors, each talented in their fields. Yet none could answer the question of what the Lambs had done to me.

My heart still beat but my skin was chilled. I drew breathe as any other but in my mouth four fangs could be clearly seen. The oddities did not stop there either. My magic should have been as diminished as my aether but my spells hit harder than ever and seemed driven by emotion. I showed no sign of becoming a Dragonkin, no markings of an Aevis emerging and yet they all agreed something had changed my composition. She was obsessed with it as I became over the years until I began to lose sleep by pouring over old tomes and scrolls looking for any hint at what was wrong with me. I could never just accept it and move on. Something lived within me that drove me to consume any raw aether I got close to until I got it under control, the longer I lived with it the less I needed to drive away the painful hunger that gnawed at me if I ignored it.

It was hard for her to watch I learned from her writing. The nights she filled her pages with worries and what ifs. She could sense the difference in me, she described it as part of me not a possession. There was no beast that waited to come forth and prey on the innocent as she had seen the voidsent do. This was a natural course in my body, a cycle that moved with the Moon and the Sun in her eyes. It baffled her. She had even gone as far as to hire men to hunt down the Wolves in lambs' cloaks as she called them. The wretched children of Dalmund another name she bestowed upon them in her notes. In the end none could be found and in recent years it was believed that if any did survive they escaped to the Far East never to be seen again.

This led to her doing what she considered her most heinous act in her life. She placed gil and items she knew I would take if I were to run again and in them she hid the location of her Sister whom I had been forbidden to see. Then she waited for what she called a chaotic catalyst which came in the form of my attack against my former husband. When I fled from the scene terrified of what I had done, she came across the his prone form moments after me and slit his throat. I was not his murderer, she was or so she wrote. I half believe at this point but in the fog of that night I cannot be certain if it was cleverly written to lessen my burden or if it was truth. What I do know is that for five cycles I lived in the woods, and hid from my life out of fear the Inquisitors would find. I was quite angry about this at first, I was even infuriated with Dimitri for giving me the book which had been missing and believed lost from the others until he discovered it amongst the rare tomes from our Mhachi Ancestor.

It is good to learn of that time, I have realized as I come to terms with everything. There are great holes in my memory from the work they did to bring me back from the brainwashing that had been used in controlling me and sometimes I wake up crying in the night with figures fading away that are so familiar but lost upon the golden threads of time. I like to believe that someday it will all be behind me and I will be fully healed. I begin to wonder if that is the outcome I seek internally. I grow happier with whom I am becoming, I find joy in my heart and confidence in my step. We do not always have to have closure to progress in our development. Sometimes we just need to close the book, put it on the shelf and let it go. Accept the things we cannot change and just move on with life.

V.S.J

[casualcatte]

[RP Journal] January 8th, 2021

Another wonderful evening at the Night Raid Bounty Call, spent awash in friends both familiar and new.  It was another busy night, so I didn’t linger in the lobby to pester Nan’to and E’nijah, though I did pause long enough to tease Sakura Sato and Tetsuro Wulf.  As it so happens, they rented the Water Garden during the Rest’s last public tavern night and we were paid far in excess of what was necessary. I found out why!  

The little nook-bed had been absolutely destroyed.  I don’t know /what/ those two had gotten up to to cause that kind of damage, but I made it a point to tease them about bringing bears into the Rest without telling me. I’m not sure what made those claw marks, but it was certainly something. Tetsuro got all flustered before Sakura politely demurred and dragged him off down into the Night Raid’s lounge.  Ah… it was almost too easy with those two!

Downstairs, I got my usuals and settled in for a night of snacks and drinking on my own, but lo and behold I was joined by one Moretsu Saito, a samurai of Doma. It was his first time at the Bounty Call and he felt that he should meet some people. Well, meet some people he did!  He told me of the bounty that he took, a yokai called the Chimi Beast, and was looking for other hunters to partner with.  I volunteered my healing services and recommended some of the hunters I’d worked with at the Bounty Call, namely Loksia Grimheart, and several of the aforementioned Night Raiders.  I also recommended he talk to Tetsuro himself for information on yokai and how to deal with them.

As it turns out, Moretsu himself was a yokai-hunter so he knew already many of the things I had to suggest, like getting his weapons blessed. Still, toward the end of the night he spoke to Tetsuro and even invited him on the hunt.  So, now I’ll be going hunting with Tetsuro, the newcomer, Loksia, and a couple of Moretsu’s friends, I think.  I have never gone on a hunt with Tetsuro and I haven’t had the chance to work with Loksia in a long time, though I know she’s more than capable.  She’s a Queen of the Ring and Grindstone Champion, after all.  It should be an interesting time.

Somewhere in the middle of that, we discussed going to the Lunar Beach Party tomorrow.  I certainly plan on attending. It’s been a long while since I’ve been to the beach, despite living not far from it at the Stars’ Rest.  So I plan to put on my favorite bikini and put in an appearance!  It’s a sad thing that Edgard will probably be busy, otherwise he’d thoroughly enjoy an opportunity to ogle me in a bikini.  Although, really, all he has to do is ask if he really wants to -- but I suppose he wouldn’t be able to do it in front of dozens of people and make a spectacle out of it, which totally ruins it for him.  Idiot.

After I left the Bounty Call, though, Edgard Beaumont and I left for Coerthas to deal with the bounty he’d taken.  He’d finally tracked the Ishgardian Poachers to their hunting grounds -- I’m really so very proud that his tracking skills have come so far -- and was ready to engage them head-on.  So that’s what we did. What we weren’t expecting is for them to have a dragon cornered when we did so.

The dragon lashed out at its attackers, burning them, and sending a few of them screaming. When Edgard dropped me off, I opened up with a spell that dropped a veritable star in their midst in the hopes of blinding them as Edgard attacked. It was effective and Edgard’s first assault was successful, but that’s really where it ended.  Edgard froze mid-battle.  I’ve never seen that happen to him in all the hunts we’ve been on and we’ve hunted some terrifying things in our time, he’s never once hesitated.  When he started moving again, he was ruthless, reckless, brutal -- it was an Edgard I’ve never before seen and, if I’m absolutely truthful with myself, I never want to see again.  I didn’t have time to deal with it just then, though, there were poachers to finish.

As we cleaned up the remaining poachers, Edgard froze again as the dragon unleashed a gusset of flame setting another of the poachers on fire. I started to go to him then, haphazardly tossing spells at the last poacher left standing, but I was careless.  The man was still alive when I turned and he threw a spear at my unprotected back.  I was saved, not by myself, not by Edgard -- but by the dragon who shielded me from the attack with his own body, then tail-swiped the poacher into the cliffside where the wicked man finally died.

The dragon eventually introduced himself as Verdandir and he seemed as surprised at us saving him as we were surprised by him saving us -- or, well, me.  In repayment, I made it a point to heal him from the bolt he’d taken from one of the dragon-killers the poachers had been using.  Edgard pulled it out and kept Verdandir talking while I used my magic to heal the wound.  I don’t know what it is about healing something that massive, but it took a lot out of me. By the time I was done, I felt so exhausted.  We exchanged a few more pleasantries with the dragon before it flew off for home.

Edgard picked me up in his arms and leapt with me to our cabin in Tailfeather.  It was there that I insisted he talk to me about what was going on with him, even as he fussed over me, ensured I was fed and had tea to keep up my energy, and was just -- very typically my Ardi-love.  Once he was settled, we talked for quite a while about his trauma concerning Valentina and dragons, how he’d truly become a dragoon, and how it had affected him.

I offered an idea I’d picked up in Tailfeather when a hunter had developed a fear of chocobo.  They’d called it “exposure therapy” and I thought that, perhaps, we might do the same with Edgard and dragons -- provided Verdandir was willing to help. The only problem was that it was the smell of burning flesh that had bothered Edgard the most.  There was no way we were going to find volunteers to help with that.  Or… were we?  Not volunteers, per say, but there were a number of bounties at the Call that were for people.  More often than not, the turn in was /not/ body parts, but particular items that they carry.  It would be an ideal way to dispose of the bodies /and/ condition Edgard so that he wouldn’t freeze up anymore.

Edgard, bless his heart… He seemed appalled by the idea, even nervous about it.  He’s a good soul that should have qualms about burning bodies for experimentation.  Why don’t I have any qualms?  Because it’s something that has the potential to help Edgard get through this.  And I would fight the very Darkness itself if it means that my beloved can once more walk in the Light.

[lilys-melody]

LFRP - Lycelle Rillemont (Goblin/Crystal Data Center)

Name: Lycelle Rillemont

✦ GENERAL INFORMATION ✦

Age: 31

Nameday: 28th Sun of the 6th Astral Moon

Gender: Female

Race: Wildwood Elezen

Sexuality: Demisexual/Demiromantic

Marital Status: Widow

Relationship Status: Single

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Server: Goblin

✦ PHYSICAL APPEARANCE ✦

Hair: Black with white highlights, occasionally worn down but typically pulled up in a loose bun

Eyes: Pale Blue

Height: 6’ 6”

Build: Lean; almost lanky.  Lycelle was a clumsy child that struggled with her size until well into her teens.  Her willowy frame belies the strength of her arms, shoulders and legs.

Distinguishing Marks: A long scar over her left eye that travels most of the way down her cheek.  Claw marks on her back and right thigh.  A burn over most of her right side.

Common Accessories: A small notebook or journal is often tucked into her belt or among her belongings when she travels.  Lycelle is always armed, even if the weapon is a simple dagger strapped to her thigh.  She favors a specific necklace and wears it quite often.

✦ PERSONAL ✦

Profession: Dragoon; Former Temple Knight.  Something of a lost soul at the moment.

Hobbies: Reading, hunting game or trophies, painting, travelling and sightseeing

Languages: Common

Residence: Family estate in Ishgard; a small cottage in the Lavender Beds of Gridania

Birthplace: Ishgard

Religion: A crisis of faith left Lycelle mostly agnostic, to the chagrin of her family

Patron Deity: Halone

Fears: Becoming obsolete or having no purpose in life.  Giant frogs.

✦ RELATIONSHIPS ✦

Spouse: Monte Rillemont (deceased)

Children: None

Parents: Hichaunt (deceased) and Aphene Deauleux

Siblings: Proxax Deauleux (Older Brother)

Other Relatives: A smattering of aunts, uncles and distant cousins.

Pets: Occasionally travels with her war bird, Arc.  Anyone with knowledge of chocobos might notice that Arc is of a fine pedigree.

✦ TRAITS ✦

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between /  Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal  

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful 

✦ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ✦

SMOKING HABIT: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

DRUGS: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

ALCOHOL: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess 

✦ RP HOOKS ✦

Ishgardian Noble: An Ishgardian of either noble or common birth may recognize her.  An Ishgardian noble, a Dragoon or a Temple Knight may either recognize or know her.  Her patrols have taken her through most of Ishgardian controlled territory, so it is possible that she came in contact with people living or stationed in outlying areas of Coerthas.

World Traveller: Lycelle is something of a lost soul.  The end of the Dragonsong War has left a Dragoon without an enemy she’s been trained to hunt for her whole life.  She passes her time wandering the world, both seeking purpose and to fulfill her father’s dream of traveling abroad.  She may have helped someone, shared a meal or a drink and some conversation or perhaps even have been looking for work.  She is often looking to explore and learn more about the world and people beyond her borders.

Big Game Hunter: Often seeking an opportunity to keep her skills sharp, Lycelle is an avid hunter.  She has been known to stalk and bring down rather large trophies.

Casually Social: Though she’s not a particularly social creature, it’s not terribly uncommon to find Lycelle loitering in a tavern somewhere enjoying a drink and observing the happenings of the people that live there.  Her expression may be passive and her gaze distant, but she is approachable!

 ✦ CONTACT INFORMATION ✦

Tumblr: lilys-melody

Discord: Available upon request

In Game: Lycelle Rillemont/Goblin

✦ OOC STUFF ✦

Lycelle was created as a concept character.  I wanted to explore the concept of a Dragoon in a post Dragonsong War Eorzea.  I imagined a character that felt lost and uncertain what the future held for her and in search of a purpose.  We’re still under construction, so don’t mind the dust!

Fair warning!  I can be kind of a bitch when I’m approached for random ERP scenes.  No one-shot scenes, no futas (trans characters are absolutely okay!), no low level <Wanderers> that are clearly just trolling for a one shot wank at my giraffe’s expense.  Lyselle is not an outlet for your fetish or for your behind the keyboard stroking pleasure.  Yes, I’m looking at you, lesbimen.

That being said, I will play mature content and themes (including violence, sex, drug & alcohol use) as long as they’re logical in a plot-driven encounter.  Players and characters must be 18+ for any mature content without exception.

I will NOT engage in rape plots or things that are unrealistic within the FFXIV universe.  Lore bendy is okay, but lore breaky is not.

I don’t do roll-based combat outside of FC events.  We are writing a story together, even if it’s a one-off!  I will choose to accept your action or have my character react according to the situation and/or her level of skill.  I encourage you to do the same!

I’m more than happy to get Lycelle involved in a new or existing plot!  She has her own thing going on, but can be flexible if the situation warrants it.

I might consider getting her involved in a FC if it seems to fit her character.

I’m EST, often available in the evenings and during the day.  I do balance gaming with a personal life, so please keep that in mind.

@mooglemeet​, @crystalxivrp​

[kaynetsuki]

Entry 1: Coerthas

Dear Kaiara,

Emeline told me I had to find a way to help me relax and after much research (I do that now) I decided the best way to do that was through a journal in which I write letters to you. I want to tell you about all the things that have happened since you were taken from me, so I guess I should start at the beginning.

I stayed in Coerthas after the incident, I had to. Where was I to go? I had lost everything and everyone and was deep in what I could only assume was enemy territory. The lessons that our fathers had taught us ended up being the most useful information I had ever learnt as it allowed me to survive the harsh, cold wilderness. It turned out that there were far more threats than just Ishguardian monsters in the area, the Dravians were equally feirce and dangerous. I needed to learn how to fight them both and so I took to studying the Ishguardian Dragoons to learn their techniques. After all, what better way to avenge you than to defeat the monsters with their own abilities.

This started my time as a sort of thief. I would steal books in the night so that I could study them to aid my learning. I would then return them the next night so as to make it seem as if they were simply misplaced. I guess I was really just borrowing the books. There were also some shiny medallions around that I took. I did not return those.

The books and observing the dragoons train ended up being enough. I apperently have a knack for the lance. That and the trail by fire that the dravians ended up being ensured I learned quickly. And so I lived, fishing and hunting for food, avoiding Ishguardians and dravians both for ten years. Oh! I also took a surname while I was there. Blackfire. It was to represent my despair and anger at losing you. Childish, I know, but it has stuck.

In those ten years, the Coerthas wilderness became my home. I now love the cold, the calm that comes when standing with nothing but snow and wind around you. It is truly a beautiful place and I wish I could show you.

The peace was broken when I saw him again. The monster. The man that took you from me. I have never felt such anger as when I saw him and I hope I never will again. He was traveling between settlements with a small guard. I don’t remember fully what happened. I know I got angry, I know I accessed the draconic energy that all dragoons use for the first time. I know I almost lost myself to the rage.

The man is dead now and I fear I have made myself the monster. I can no longer fight without anger. I will never be able to access my dragoon power without rage. I no longer deserved the peace that Coerthas afforded me. So I left.

It is late here now and sleep calls me. I will tell you the rest of my story tomorrow. Don’t worry, it gets better.

Kayne

[balmung-squid]

So because I’ll probably never finish my character’s rp arc, here’s the whole thing in a few acts.

Strap in it’s a long one.

Background - Tamachag Malqir grew up in Ishgard, a Xaela or black scales and hair and blue skin, believeing that his parents died in Coerthas and he was taken in by a merchant house that pitied them. He fought for all he has - his being as a Knight of Ishgard, as a Dragoon, and his work for the Black Scales of Ishgard, a small group that acts as a strike team for the Alliance, but also works to support others. Example, lately they have all been in Othard, helping Doma whenever extra hands are needed.

Recently he found  out that someone had a large account in Kugane in his name. When he went to investigate he found out it was created for him by his parents. In his search he found that his father died but a few weeks before his arrival, and his mother was alive and well and a Garlean. She tried to bring him to the consulate. When he refused, he was stabbed by her with poison, almost died, and spent months recovering from the physical and emotional backlash. Now he’s back at work.

Lately he recieved a package that has been bounced all over Eorzea, from his father. It was sent after his death, and contained his personal belongings from the Steppes. It contained several journals, including one that only he could unlock with his aether that said that there was something that only Tamachag could prevent, and a necklace. In a desire to find out more about his father he decided to investigate.

Act I - Discovery

In this entire arc he and his party would have spent months tracking down and destroying and atuning himself to these giant allagan beasts that have crawled up from various strong holds. As he did so, he would begin to have dreams and moments where he wasn’t entirely lucid, paniting a scene before him of someplace he’d never seen but needed to do.

Upon destroying the last beast, the necklace would reveal the location of basically an aetheryte that would take him and his comrades to an underground city where they would find a tribe of Xaela that were wholy convinced they were the sons and daughters of dragons and Allag.

There they would tell Tamachag that he was one of them.

Act II - Rebuilding

In this arc tamachag would be dealing with this tribe convinced that he was essentially their prince, that his father had been the strongest blood left, a perfect specimen, uncorrupted. They would show him and the party the city, giant and sprawling and ancient and half broken. They number so few.

At the end of the tour they would reveal that the allagan creations they were fighting were the creations of a primal that they’ve been holding off for generations behind a great many barriers. But things escape, and that’s what they were. They can’t show the primal, they can’t risk it enthralling them, but they tell them that the barrier is weak, and things must be done so it doesn’t escape to the Steppes.

Tamachag would feel responsible in some weird way. If not to them, then he would want to at least protect the steppe. So he’d agree. The tasks would be easy. More attuning, more creature hunting, bringing these creations to their knee and destroying them.

There was other parts here but i can’t remember, but ultimately it would all come to the final act, which was short.

Act III - The Battle

When they hunt the last creature and they return, they would find the city silent. Not even the allagan machinery going. Anyone they come across would be frozen like stone, staring toward the center of the city. And then they get there, they find the vault to the primal open, crystals and aether ready for sacrificing. They can’t stop it - the tribe gives in to the enthrallment that they’d been under all along.

The only thing stopping this ancient allagan that created this tribe is Tamachag and his friends, who have been innoculated against being enthralled by the aether of his father, which manifests to shield them. 

It’s a hard battle, but ultimately they’d come out victorious. The city is in shambles. Those that fought against the decision to release their god number only 20 or so, and Tamachag tells them to come with him. They refuse, but tell him they can use him. They’ll follow him, but first they have to learn up the city, and repair what they can.

And anyway that’s how Tamachag would ICly end up with about 20 or so people to manage or call upon as needed.

[casualcatte]

RP Journal: 09/16/2020

I went to go see V’hala Helsi about the projects she’s been working on for me, imagine my surprise to find her in the company of both Rae-Hann and Siannault Tavard. The three of them seemed to be discussing the ongoing problem of the Saurotaun and how to defend against its powerful wind-aspected aether abilities. Not long after I arrived, so, too, did Raisan Arcmantle. Great Twelve, listening to the three of them go on was like being at the biggest engineering nerd conclave. I didn’t understand half the words that were being bandied about, but at least Rae-Hann seemed to be in the same boat, so I didn’t feel so bad.

(Courtesy cut for length)

While talking with them, though, we all realized that there’s a need for more information. Another scouting mission is in order, this time to observe the Saurotaun and see what it’s capable of. Between the lot of us, we also surmised that luring it out into the open, into an aether-reducing trap might also behoove. Fighting it in the aether-laden lair it’s built for seems dangerous at best, suicidal at worst. I told them I’d go with Ardi as soon as possible to scout things out for them and formulate a kill box. 

Now that I stand on the precipice of defeating this nightmare monstrosity that’s haunted me since I was thirteen I find myself galvanized more than daunted. I never realized until now how much a part of me longs for this to be over. To finally put this hunt to bed after fifteen long years of waiting and searching. Not to give up on it and turn away, but to leave the Saurotaun broken and defeated like it did my parents.

Once the engineers began to go off into their own tangents, I decided it was best if I returned to Tailfeather to round up Edgard Beaumont and have a look at a strategy and kill zone near Dusk Vigil. Not before having a brief discussion with Siannault about relocating my fish from the Gold Court fountain, however. Ardi and I both heard a disturbing rumor about people using that fountain as a latrine and… I don’t really want my gift-koi to be swimming around in that. Sian plans to build a pond for them in Tailfeather that we can safely relocate them to, he said the colder mountain waters would be more ideal for them than the desert heat of Ul’dah.  Huzzah for my little fishy friends!

Right, met up with Ardi later and we went out to Coerthas to scout out the areas I’d earmarked as potential places we could use. Along the way, he poked several holes in our ideas, but they were ones that needed to be made. First and foremost was negating the wind aether in the area. Both Ardi and Ari rely on wind aether to do that whole /dragooning/ thing that they do, empowering their jumps to get them in and out of combat. Taking that ability away from them would harm their battle efficiency, perhaps to a dangerous degree. 

There was also the matter of luring the thing /out/ of its lair to begin with. It didn’t bother chasing us once we got outside Dusk Vigil, so getting it to come to the kill zone would present a challenge in and of itself. We made as sound a plan and took as many notes as we could, resolving to meet again with the Engineers to broach our thoughts and ideas all together. 

As we spoke of our various thoughts and ideas on both of the locations we looked at, I couldn’t help but notice the air of professionalism that hung about Ardi as he gave me his thoughts and plans as if I were another dragoon or knight of his skill and standing. While I might not have the same training as he did, he clearly had respect for what I could do and my own skill set, taking those into account into his suggestions. It only deepened my affection for him, though I’m not sure he realized it. All I’ve ever wanted is a partner who treats me as an equal and it seems I finally have one.

At the end of our scouting, Edgard asked me if I planned to see this through to the bitter end or if a tactical retreat were an option. Part of me rankled at the thought of leaving the hunt unfinished; the part of me that wanted vengeance for my parents and to put an end to fifteen years of nightmares. However, the wiser, more compassionate side of me would never ask my friends nor the man I loved to put their lives on the line for me. /They/ mattered more to me now than my parents, even Ari and Hala.

I told Ardi as much, though I’m not sure I could ever admit any of it to anyone else. He promised me, though, that if the Saurotaun didn’t die this time around, that we would hunt it down again and again if necessary until it was defeated once and for all. Even if he was an old, old man when we did so. It was comforting that he wouldn’t let me give up on this hunt, that we’d pursue it together until it was well and truly finished. I was grateful, not only to him, but to all the generous souls that were giving up time they could have spent on themselves to help me through this hunt.

We’d see this through, one way or another. If not on this attempt, then on one of the others that would inevitably follow, time and again, until this monster was defeated once and for all. Tumblr Mentions @yokasaris​ for Rae-Hann @tavard-ffxiv​ for Siannault Tavard (So glad we got to RP in-game finally!) @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont

[casualcatte]

RP Journal: 08/06/2020

I went for a walk across Kugane in the rain. There’s just something fresh and clean in the air when it rains, something that reminds us that there’s life just beyond the fog. I found myself back up at the railing at the crown of the city. The same railing where Lorrendor had chastised me like a reckless child and Edgard had asked me numerous questions about myself. I wasn’t thinking of either of them, however, as the sun dove into the sea and the horizon shifted from orange to red to violet to deep blue. 

[ Courtesy cut for length! ]

No, my thoughts were on Tailfeather and my godfather. I didn’t realize until last night, talking about them with Edgard, how much I missed home. It made me glad to be going back soon. Sillesti will no doubt tell me that I look far too thin and that I should’ve been back long before now. I’ll regale the hunters with stories of my adventures in the East and the various creatures I’ve had call to bring down. I could almost smell the smoke of the hearthfires and hear the lowing calls of the chocobo in the forest; almost hear the rustle of the wind through the leaves of the caelumtrees. So engrossed in my thoughts was I that I hardly expected a dragoon to come crashing down in the middle of them.

And yet, there he was.  One Edgard Beaumont, leaping sky high as dragoons do, in the rain, screaming my name at the top of his lungs as he came to a skidding stop on the slick cobblestones. I swear by the Twelve one of these days he’s going to land on his face and I hope I’m there to laugh uproariously at him.  Either that or he’s going to break a leg, not that I’d wish that on him -- or anyone. Not that he’d ever need to know that. He’d take that level of concern for his well-being as a sign that I’m somehow enamored of him.  

He seemed in fine form and even finer spirits as he came up to me, which I noted and was glad for given the turmoil I’d seen in him only the night before. He credited the woman he spoke to and me.  If that was true, then I’m glad whatever paltry words I’d given him brought him solace. For all that he’s a buffoon and an idiot, I only wish him well. He’s a tortured soul, filled with regrets. If he can find a path to closure and true joy through some small words of mine, then I will speak them as often as he needs.  That’s what friends do for each other, right?

Our conversation was short-lived as we were joined by a woman who I only came to later know as Mu-Onna (Hazakura Yukuza). Apparently she was the one that Edgard had spoken to before he’d talked with me; the very same one that he credits with him seeking this new path on which he found himself. I found her a curious sort. She seemed to enjoy touching Edgard as often as she could, though his clumsy advances washed over her like water off a duck’s back. On the same token, she seemed to take great joy in tormenting him as well. No doubt she gives him a run for his money when they’re together on their own. 

At one point, Edgard made a jest about only having pure thoughts of innocent hand holding. Mu-Onna took him up on it, offering her hand for him to take. However, Edgard insisted that since the three of us were together that all three of us should participate. He refused to hold Mu-Onna’s hand unless I did as well. Rather than leave Mu-Onna to holding his hand alone, I almost took his hand, but something Mu-Onna said gave me another option:  I took /her/ hand instead.  After all, Edgard said that the three of us were in this together and that I had to hold /someone’s/ hand.  It didn’t have to be his.  He had no other choice than to take the hand Mu-Onna offered him, else he’d look quite callous. 

It was thus that we proceeded down into the Kogane Dori, finding the Culinarian to pick up a few bento boxes of tempura and some mochi as a treat. However, no sooner than we ordered Edgard received a call on his linkpearl that required him to excuse himself from our excursion. As he left, Mu-Onna kissed him on the cheek and bade him farewell. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Edgard so pole-axed, much less at a loss for words!

I asked what Mu-Onna’s secret was and she said that she gave him a taste of his own medicine. While that may work for her, I’m not sure it would work for me. Counter-flirting with Edgard would only encourage him and I don’t care to play with his emotions like that, whether he’s serious or not. The man’s feelings are a mess enough as is.

Mu-Onna and I left behind the Kogane Dori, going to sit by the pond in the gardens near the Thavnairian embassy. Apparently, she hadn’t been there in some time and was enchanted by it. She didn’t care to eat the bento box that Edgard had left behind, in fact, she seemed very disappointed by it. Whether it was because of the dragoon’s absence or because of the waste of food, I wasn’t sure.  Rather than see such good food go to waste, however, I took it upon myself to eat both bento boxes.  It was also for Mu-Onna’s kindness.  She’d wanted to treat both of us and was left with only me.  I’d have to make up for Edgard’s absence.

We spoke for a time about where we came from and about my work with the Veteran Centurio. Toward the end of the evening, though, Mu-Onna told me of “someone dear to her” that had gone missing here in Kugane. Given my ability to hunt things that didn’t want to be found, I felt it in good form to offer her my help. I asked that she send along the details of the one she sought, including a description. She accepted the offer and said that I might likely be able to get to information she couldn’t. However, the night was wearing long at this point and the woman, too, excused herself from our little impromptu picnic.

So, I was once more left alone with my thoughts, the moon, and the stars. I didn’t even try to catch the koi.  Rae-Hann would be proud.

[casualcatte]

RP Journal: 08/14/2020

I made it a point to go in to the Night Raid Bounty Call a bit early so I could discuss the matter of the Kouyou Twintails with Tetsuro Wulf. I’m all for a good hunt, but there were a couple of missing bits of information to the hunt details that would have been /really/ useful to know. Rightly, he seemed a bit annoyed, but I reassured him that the job got done anyway, but that he’d probably want to give that client an earful for the lack of full disclosure. I’d have approached that job /much/ differently if I’d known it was a mated pair with young. Still, Edgard and I got it done and that’s what matters.

(Courtesy cut for length...!)

I perused the bounty board and found the /perfect/ job to do next. It’s right up Edgard’s alley, so I’ll get to see what he’s /really/ made of or if his talk about being a dragonslayer is just that, talk. The job is to hunt a dragon in the Dravanian Forelands, even if it hadn’t been a dragon and perfect for Edgard, I’d have still taken it.  The Forelands are home and I’m not about to let some renegade beastie run rampant out there.  Especially not when I’m on my way out to Ishgard anyway.

I saw Loksia briefly while there and we arranged to take on the bounty she took for us sometime next week. She took herself off with a pair of her friends not long after, some talk of a spar going on between them on the beach.

I overheard some talk from upstairs, Z’rhun, R’zunh, and Mu’ra had returned from their hunt -- injured, of course!  I gave it a short bit before I went to see them. Zunh, of course, bruised already fractured ribs. Rhun cracked some ribs.  And Mu’ra broke an arm.  All-in-all, not too terrible, but still I would’ve preferred them to not be injured at all. I swear, I feel like I’m going to have to start following them on these hunts just to make sure they make it out in one piece!

I’d nearly forgotten about the Hunter’s Haven tomorrow. I should invite Edgard to come, since it sounds right up his alley.  A place to boast and tell tall tales of his hunting adventures?  I’m not sure there’s enough room in the Night Raid Headquarters to fit how inflated his ego would get.

I sat down in the bar afterward with Zunh and Mu’ra and a couple of their friends. Mostly talking to Mu’ra since he seemed the odd-man out. If there’s one thing I learned tonight it’s that Mu’ra really opens up to you when you give him nerdy book things to talk about. He’s especially interested in Nymian Marines and the like.  He would probably get along well with Miss Ironleaf, the elezen that runs the infirmary at the Stars’ Rest.  She’s even got a real-life faerie, just like the Nymians of old! 

Mu’ra expressed a desire to have one of their soulstones so that he, too, could become a Nymian Marine for true. I told him I’d keep an eye out and an ear to the ground for him, though I have no idea where to even start looking for that sort of thing. 

Everything began to die down not long after, even Rhun put in an appearance from the infirmary finally, if only to wolf down the food the Little Brothers had gotten for him. I took my leave not long after, since it was well past closing. 

Once that was all done, it was time to head to Ishgard. No doubt Edgard was already wondering if I’d even show up given that he’d had to do without me for an entire day!  I’d needed to turn in the bounty, though, and pick up the new assignment. I think he’ll be pleased. I also spent the day concluding all of my business in Kugane. It’s a pity that part of the reward today was a week’s stay at the Bokairo, because I wouldn’t really need it now. There didn’t seem to be a use-by date on it, so perhaps I can keep it for a Kugane-cation of my own sometime when the world gets to be too much.

No sooner than I crossed the Gates of Judgment, I was assessing the city and where best it might be to find the big dope when Edgard pretty much walked right up to me. I swear, it’s like he has this sixth sense on where I am at all times and can unerringly find me there.  It’s uncanny!

It was Banter as Usual  right off the bat, but I made it a point to deliver his part of the reward and tell him about the job I’d picked up. Or, at least I would have if someone hadn’t cranked Edgard’s flirtation meter up to eleven. Good Gods, I know he’s a flirtatious git sometimes, but this was really going overboard. I suppose I can’t really blame him for going ham, after all, I know he’s not serious about any of it. Maybe that makes me a safe person to just let loose and get it out of his system. Still, if he wanted to play as if he was Gods’ Gift to Womankind, I’d oblige him by not taking the bait.

After all, I’m a renown Centurio Hunter here. Any young hunter for malms around would kill for the honor of going on a hunt with me. Just because this was Ishgard didn’t mean that he had any advantage over me here.

He decided we’d meet in the Forgotten Knight and we could go over the details of the hunt. No sooner than I walked in was I greeted by fellow hunters and Centurio Clan members, welcomed as if returning home. There were old faces and new, eager glances in the hopes of a fresh hunt and a known Huntress looking for a partner. This is what Edgard walked into the middle of.

Perhaps it was just my imagination, but Edgard /glared/ at them, then he proclaimed loudly that I wasn’t the blue catte any of them were looking for -- could it be that he was jealous?  Concerned that I might actually choose one of them for a partner over him?  It’s a queer thought to think Edgard so possessive.  I know he’s said that I matter to him, but I don’t think I matter /quite/ that much.  So what gives?

It’s neither here nor there, though, as there were much bigger fish to fry in the form of one corrupted dragon. I rolled out a map of the Forelands and the flyer I’d gotten at the Bounty Call. Outlining the location and the quarry for Edgard, I listened to his input for a plan. He wanted to go in hard and I tended to agree. Dragons aren’t something you toy with. My thought was to have Edgard lie in wait in the high hills surrounding the Feast while I lure the beast out of the ruins and into a clear area off to the west, away from the rivers. It would mean entirely trusting my life on Edgard’s skill as a dragoon, but if he’s even half the warrior he claims to be, then I have faith in him.

While we had our discussion there was, naturally, banter among the hunters around us. Several of them cutting into Edgard’s attempts to flirt with me with flirtations of their own. Gods, I swear men think it’s a competition sometimes! One thing I noticed, though, is that Edgard got… aggravated, even snapping at some of them for their attempts. I swear, at one point, he even moved closer to me!  

It didn’t stop us from formulating a plan that I think will do fine. My only concern is leaving Edgard to the dragon’s mercy while I retreat up into the hills. I know this is what dragoons do, what they’ve been bred and trained for, but I can’t help but feel a little concerned. I’ll stick to the plan. The largest concern is where we’re going to find someone that speaks dragon to talk to Anyx Trine on our behalf.  Because I’ll be damned if we’re hunting a dragon without their blessing and risking the treaty.  Even we Tailfeather bumpkins know that much about Ishgard politics.

The flirtations from the hunters really seemed to get under Edgard’s skin, he even asked that we have these meetings elsewhere in future because it was all too distracting for him. Too distracting for Edgard Beaumont.  Imagine that!  The man is a walking distraction of goofiness and idle flirtation and he gets agitated over a bunch of hunters finding their bravado in their cups! They’re half the reason I tolerate Edgard as well as I do. I’ve been exposed to their banter for years, so I’m used to it and it doesn’t bother me.  Gods, it seemed to bother Edgard, though I couldn’t tell you why.

I’ll head out early in the morning to stop by the Convictory and look into the sightings of the Saurotaun that Lorrendor told me of, see if they bear any fruit. Damn, I meant to ask Edgard about the scattered pieces of the beast’s prey; that doesn’t seem like dragon behavior, but I’d like to confirm it with an “expert” so to speak. If this is, indeed, some manner of magical construct, it would explain so, so much. It will also change what I look for in the future. I’ve been hunting a beast, thinking in the patterns beasts do.  A magical construct won’t have those habits.  I’ll have to learn more about them to decide how to proceed.

I’m looking forward to the hunt. Despite his ego and his bluster, it will be interesting to see Edgard in his prime element. For now, I must rest.  It’s going to be a long, /long/ day tomorrow.

Mentions @nightraid-hq​ for the Night Raid Bounty Call and Hunter’s Haven @tetsuro-wulf​ for Tetsuro Wulf @definefandom​ for R’zunh Tia @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont And some other nerds that don’t have Tumblrs!

[casualcatte]

RP Journal: 08/23/2020

What do you even do when someone confesses to love you… and you in no way love them back?  How do you go back to being “just friends” when nothing between you will ever be the same again?  I’ll question every motion, every gesture, every act of kindness -- is this the act of a friend or is this a man continuing to try to subtly woo me?  

(Courtesy cut for length)

Then there were the things he said: that he reserved the right, as my friend, to tell me when I’m wrong.  To tell me I’m /wrong/ like he’s the only one who knows what’s right for me.  There were things he did: like expecting me to just accept this newly-brokered friendship when not moments before he’d been near weeping and upset because I’d played Brightsong for Edgard and not for him. There was the unspoken expectation that I had to /trust him/.  Trust.  Him.  The same man who took what I’d told him about Tristane only to use it against me in an effort to illustrate how much he cared about me.  He took the innermost feelings of my heart and weaponized them.  And /this/ is a man I’m supposed to trust, a man I’m supposed to willingly listen to as he tells me I’m /wrong./

What if he decides that I’m wrong about Edgard or Rae-Hann?  About Zunh or the Bounty Call?  Twelve’s Grace, he acts more like some surrogate father than he does a friend!  I’m not some girl-child that needs /anyone/ to tell me how to live my life. I think it’s time I put him back at arm’s length.  Dealing with his constant mood-changes, how every experience with him is like some different facet, some entirely different person… there’s no constant in him, no stability.  He’s more often a source of distress for me than he is the balm for it.

He’s left me a note to say he’s gone back to Ul’dah. Back to the place he says has nothing for him. The man must enjoy having nothing, because he almost always runs back to it like a lodestone to the north.  At least in that he’s been somewhat predictable.  Gods, is he infuriating, though.

I didn’t even want to stay in the same room with him after that.  Everything felt awkward and uncomfortable to me -- all while he just smoothly transitions from weepy, to smiles and pleas for friendship, to argumentative and expecting me to trust him, to suddenly offering me tea with this hesitant smile. One of these faces is the real Lorrendor Hauland, but there’s no way on the Twelve’s green earth that I could have ever told you which.  I don’t know him at all.  And I don’t think I’ll /ever/ understand him.

I left.  I left my own house because of how angry and upset I was.  How confused.  All I wanted or needed right now were friends.  FRIENDS.  I’ve made that adamantly clear that I have no intention of becoming involved with anyone now.  Not when I have the Saurotaun to hunt.  Not when the Saurotaun could mean my death. I know I’ve said that, multiple times, but it’s as if my feelings don’t even matter.  He couldn’t even respect my boundaries on that.  But I’m supposed to trust him.  I’m supposed to /like/ that he does these things and accept that as friendship.  All while he decides to do this the very night before a major hunt for me.  Is he trying to get me killed?

Before long, I found myself at the archery butts in Tailfeather. It was one of many places in the Forelands that I went to whenever I needed space or some time to myself. I loosed a number of arrows into the target dummy, trying to quell and calm my thoughts.  I didn’t need to be distracted on the hunt.  I had to find my focus again.

That damnable dragoon came flying in to spear the target I was working on, nearly getting himself shot in the process!  I swear if I knew that dragoon’s middle name, I’d have used it just so he knew how much trouble he was in!  As it stood, Edgard Beaumont is an idiot.

But he’s oftentimes an idiot that knows what I need, exactly when I need it.  After momentarily beating him with the fletched end of one of my arrows, I ranted and vented to him about all that had transpired with Lorrendor. I almost feel sorry for Ardi, this isn’t the first time he’s had to listen to me rant about that man, I doubt it will be the last. Yet, he still stood by me, beatings and all, letting me vent my spleen until I felt better.

He very gently ventured his own opinions on the matter; that perhaps Lorrendor was conflicted about what he truly wanted, even a tad jealous of the kind of friendship Ardi and I share.  I don’t know what it is about Ardi that makes him so easy to talk to, maybe it’s his devil-may-care nature, or the fact that he actually listens to me, instead of trying to talk over me or down to me like I’m some little girl who knows no better.  He suggested that maybe Lorrendor has some issues of his own he needs to work out.  Gods, like the rest of us don’t? 

I eventually told Ardi that I felt like Lorrendor would ultimately hurt me, far more than I could ever hurt him.  That’s where we had a difference of opinion.  He went on to say that he’d seen how dangerous a woman I was with a bow -- and a sandwich.

For a long moment, I just had to stare. The sheer ridiculousness of the statement and, yet, it’s absolute truth just caught me off-guard.  I laughed.  I laughed so uproariously I think they probably heard me all over Tailfeather!  But it felt good and was a welcome balm for my anger and confusion.  With me in better spirits, it was easy to fall into the endless dance steps of our usual banter.  Parry-riposte-counter. 

He went on to ask me about the Elite Hunt on the morrow. And then he presented me with a gift. It was a new hunting knife, gleaming and sharp, with blue and purple leather bound around the hilt. I knew the significance almost immediately, given that he’d chosen the same colors as I.  To match, he said, fingering the Feather Token still woven into his hair. He said he doesn’t usually give gifts, but that he really wanted to do something for me since I’d gotten him the token.

Truth be told, I’ve never really gotten gifts that weren’t from Sillesti.  When Rae-Hann gave me the gift of the koi in the Gold Court fountain, I thought that was endearing; he was trying to provide an experience I’d been cheated of in order to make me happy.  Then there were the bracers from Lorrendor -- well, one of the Lorrendors, the side of him that I thought had been trying to change and just be a good friend -- enhanced with materia to help my shots strike true. A thoughtful gift that actually made me think he’d been listening for once.

And now this from Ardi. It was thoughtful, useful, and completely in keeping with who I am as a person. It doesn’t surprise me that he knows me well enough to make this kind of selection.  What does surprise me is how we’ve come so far from those nights in Ul’dah when I thought he was little more than another smarmy ladies’ man looking for his latest overnight conquest.  How did that, somehow, turn into this?  Honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better friend.

I rewarded his kindness with a kiss on the cheek.  Granted, I had to stand on tip-toe to achieve it, damned ultra-tall elezen, but I managed.  Gods, the look that crossed his face was priceless, such a myriad of emotions all in an instant: excited, goofy, embarrassed all highlighted by the definite blush that crept over that pale Ishgardian skin. Part of me wanted to laugh and say, “Got’cha!” in payback of all the times he’s gloated over me blushing in the past. The larger part of me, though, just wanted to enjoy the moment. 

This change in Edgard… Ardi is such a far cry from the man I remember in Ul’dah.  Of late, he’s seemed happier, more content, less burdened than I remember seeing him.  When he speaks to me of his beloved Valentina, it’s oftentimes with joy and a smile, instead of frowns and displeasure. Truth be told, I can do much the same with him when I talk of Tristane. There’s an inherent feeling of trust here now, as if I could tell him anything. Sure, he might laugh and poke fun, but he’s still there for me.  He still listens.  And in his way, he cares.

He’s oftentimes a better friend than I am. Especially when I try to push him in the river. He’s also a worse friend, because he decided to pull me in with him!  We laughed, I splashed him with water until he retreated to claim the high ground. Now soaking wet and thoroughly cheered, it was time to go back home. I somewhat dreaded facing Lorrendor again, but with Ardi alongside me I can take on dragons and whatever else the world has to offer.  One Lorrendor had no chance.

As we’d gotten out of the water, Ardi flicked one of my ears with his fingers, at which I protested since my ears are highly sensitive. I swear by the Twelve, revealing any weakness to Edgard Beaumont is a lesson in mistakes made. On the walk home, he made it a point to get extremely close to my ear to whisper something salacious.  Gods, it tickled!  And it… nevermind. He went on to gloat about how I should never show my weaknesses to an enemy.

I countered with the observation that I had no enemies here.  Only my partner.  And my partner was entitled to all my truths, strengths, and weaknesses.  He said he’d trust me with his weaknesses, but he had none.

Mm-hmm.  We’ll see about that, Ardi.  We’ll see!

In the side margins of this entry are what appear to be a song, complete with lyrics and tiny musical notations.

With eyes of frost Like frozen glass Not mirrors like in eld Lies beauty that  None surpass Within which one is held Tumblr Mentions @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont @yokasaris​ for brief mention of Rae-Hann

[casualcatte]

RP Journal: 08/10/2020

Gods, it was good to finally get out and hunt again!  Granted, I was bringing Edgard Beaumont with me that might prove to be a mixed blessing, but I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He /was/ a Knight Dragoon, after all, surely he’s got some fighting skill and ability to track things.  How else does a dragonslayer slay dragons? Surely they don’t just laze around til one flies by them, that would be silly.

(( Courtesy cut for length.  Also, sorry about the lack of screenshots, this was all during maintenance. ))

I had Edgard meet me out in Yanxia at noon and he arrived precisely on time, he even carried some rope and a quarterstaff, instead of his usual spear. We weren’t out to kill these birds, only subdue them for an artist in Kugane. He wants to paint them, then will release them back into the wilds. Live-capture hunts are always a bit more of a challenge, it would make a fine test to see what Edgard was worth in the field. After all, I have no doubt he can fight, he’s fought dragons, for pity’s sake!  But taking a non-violent means to dealing with a problem? I think it would say volumes about who he is both as a person and a fighter.

I outlined my plan and he declared it sound, so we took ourselves out to the Glittering Basin where it was known for these bi-fangs to roam as their territory. Setting up a lookout point, it was just a matter of sighting the birds and seeing where they went to roost. 

I don’t think I’d been this relaxed in a long time. The day was warm, and Edgard -- while still very much Edgard -- was good company. He listened, followed directions, didn’t try to put me behind him for protection, or treat me like I didn’t know what I was doing. He trusted me and I trusted him.

Gods be good, we needed that trust today. No hunt is ever flawless, there are always unexpected things that happen that you have to adjust to or you either lose your quarry or you get hurt. That’s just the nature of the beast. I absolutely wasn’t expecting these bi-fangs to be a mated pair, much less a mated pair with a clutch of eggs. I think I’ll make it a point to mention that to Tetsuyo when I return to the Bounty Call. Most hunters I know have a great respect for nature, granted, we weren’t killing the pair but it was still taking them away from hatchlings that might otherwise die without them and their protection. 

Anyway, the hunt first. Edgard was probably the most serious I’ve seen him since I’ve known him; he was studious and attentive, asking questions about what to do or what to look for. He seemed genuinely interested in learning, so I did all I could to help him. It was here that he said he trusted me and for a moment I had to wonder why. What good will had I garnered with him to be someone he trusted with his life? I doubt it has anything to do with how skillful I am at evading his spurious advances. 

Knowing what I know now, I found it easier to be, well, at ease around him. To even play and flirt with him, give him a taste of his own medicine. It was fun and we laughed; I’m almost convinced I nearly made him blush a couple of times, but that’s neither here nor there.

The hunt!  Once we sighted the bi-fang pair, Edgard used his dragoon ability to jump us up to the cliff where the birds had made their roost. Naturally, I had to climb on Edgard’s back and he had to make a bunch of insinuations about it. Still he got us up to the roost in short order and that’s when we learned that we were facing two very angry parent bi-fang and their clutch of half a dozen chicks.

Thankfully, the chicks weren’t that grown, so they weren’t much of a threat. I used one of the Darkness arrows to blind the Papa Bird while Edgard kept Mama Bird busy until I could use one of my Net arrows. Edgard got scratched once, but didn’t seem any worse for wear for it. I’ll really have to thank that magitechnician for the arrows, they are the most clever thing I’ve seen in a long time. A pity I don’t remember his name, how will I ever have these made again once I run out?  As it stands, I’m out of the Net arrows after this.

I was just about to use my second Net arrow on Papa when he came flailing at me blindly. That’s also when one of the chicks in the nest decided I was a tasty snack and /bit/ me on the ankle. It was enough to startle me that I dropped the arrow and that split-second distraction won me a wing to the face as Papa Bird sent me flying off the cliff.

I won’t lie and say there wasn’t a moment of panic, because there was, but I’d prepared for this eventuality.  You fight aerial opponents, you’d best be prepared to take a long fall. Another of those magitek arrows deployed a light filament line that was stronger than any rope I’ve ever seen. I fired it into the cliffside and swung to safety, albeit the impact into the cliffside will leave me sore tomorrow. Even as I was dealing with my own plight, I saw Edgard get shoved off the cliffside as well by a headbutt from the Papa Bird. I know I didn’t have much time and that, for the moment, the dragoon seemed to have no way to save himself.

I gathered myself and ran back and forth along the cliff face to build momentum, then I swung out to catch him. Thank every God that he wasn’t wearing anything heavier than leather and chainmail. If he’d have been in drachenmail or full plate, we’d have been doomed. Or at least he would have.  I don’t think I could have held him. We only had moments to rest there, however, as Papa Bird began diving toward us, enraged enough to want to eviscerate us. 

This was the biggest moment of trust in this hunt. Edgard told me to let go of the rope and grab onto him. I knew he was about to /dragoon/ us out of there, but it was still a daunting proposition. Still, in for a penny in for a pound. It was either fall or die to the talons of the angry bi-fang. Falling seemed the least fatal of either option. I let go, still clutching to Edgard’s hand from where I’d caught him, I wrapped my other arm around his neck and squeezed my eyes shut. The way dragoon’s jump makes my stomach turn a flip, but it cleared us of the predatory swoop of the bi-fang and sent it sweeping past us. 

Edgard landed us on the ground and looked to me for a new plan as Papa Bird rounded on us to attack again. I was out of Net arrows by this point and none of the other arrows I had would do the trick. So, I opted to go with an alchemical solution. I pulled a sleeping draught from my pouches and waited. I couldn’t afford to miss. And I waited. 

Behind me, I could hear Edgard yelling my name. Was he worried? Frightened?  No, not Edgard. I stood there, letting the bi-fang get closer and closer, I could see the wicked curve of its talons, eager to rip me to shreds. Closer still.  I could feel the waves of … nerves?...emanating from Edgard. Still, I waited.

At the last possible moment, I threw the sleeping draught right in the beast’s face. It only took a matter of moments for it to clumsily land and fall over in a sleepy stupor. Edgard made his way over, unbidden with the rope to tie it up.

Hmph. He’d outshine me. Hunting has been my life for over twenty years, dragoon. You’re not going to outshine me at my own game.

Banter with him came easily now that I knew there was nothing to it. I teased him, I gave him as good as I got. There were moments I rendered him speechless or left him a stammering fool. I enjoyed every minute of it. Turning the tables on Edgard might become my new favorite pass-time. 

While he finished binding the bi-fang, I tended to the wound on his shoulder. It wasn’t much more than a scrape, but it was best not to leave it to fester. He’d done well, all-in-all, so I couldn’t really discredit his efforts as a hunter. With a bit more seasoning, he could probably hold his own. I told him as much, though he only very begrudgingly accepted the compliment. Under any other circumstance, Edgard would preen and claim it as my undying love for him, but on the matter of his skill as a hunter and his contributions, he wouldn’t.

He was in my world now, I couldn’t tell if the thrill of the hunt sat well with him or not. Gods only know I enjoyed every minute of it.  I even told Edgard he could soak in the hot spring with me, I’m sure he was convinced I’d hit my head somewhere along the line. 

This was a really good way to end his time in Kugane. He goes on to Ishgard the day after tomorrow and said he expects to see me there soon. I’ve some things of my own to wrap up before I leave Kugane, but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t threaten to bypass Ishgard altogether and just go straight to Tailfeather because he /expected/ me in Ishgard. 

I tasked him with sending the Mama Bird back to the client via some magical aetheryte-like crystals we’d been given.  Activate them on the birds and they would appear in cages where the client waited with payment, better than trying to haul them back by hand. Once done with that, Edgard planned to go back to Kugane and I headed to Yanxia to hire some locals to tend to the chicks until Mama and Papa come back.

All-in-all, it was a good night and a fun time. Sure, I have a few bumps and bruises, but I can’t name a hunt I’ve gone on and come out completely unscathed.  I either get scratched up by brush and trees, injured by the beast, or /something/.  It’s just part and parcel of the Hunt. It reminds me I’m /alive./

My friendship with Edgard, at least for my own part of it, feels as if a great weight has been taken off me and I don’t feel the need to be so guarded. He has no further motives than just having a moment’s distraction. Like me, he has issues of his own to deal with before he seriously considers anything with anyone, which I’m honestly glad to hear him say. Primarily that he /plans/ to deal with them. I could care less who he sleeps with.

It was a good day, it really was. I needed it after a week of indolence. It felt /so/ good to get back out there and do what I love. And the best part of it is that it’ll have garnered me enough reputation with the Veteran Centurio to get the information I need. 

One step closer... Mentions @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont

[casualcatte]

RP Journal: 08/15/2020

The Hunter’s Haven was every bit of fun that I could have dreamed it to be. There was laughter, food, friends, fun flirtation, I haven’t cut loose like that in a long time and it felt /so/ damned good. I have to admit R’zunh Tia cleans up pretty well, dancing with him was pretty fun, he’s so energetic!  

(Courtesy cut for length!)

Listening to the songstress Orghana Bolir was quite the experience! Her song choices, her dancing were captivating, I felt like I was enthralled by some manner of spell so elegant was the way she wove motion and word together into a beautiful tapestry of art. Even Tetsuro Wulf got on stage and really wailed on that shamisen of his. We were all on our feet dancing before his set was done. Zunh even made it a point to put his arm around me to dance with me at one point, which is how I came to know how energetic he is. 

When he said we’d have to dance again, I told him that it was just an excuse for him to get his arms around me again, to which he responded by just putting an arm around me right then and there.  “I don’t /need/ an excuse,” he proclaimed. Gods, I swear he’s almost as bad as Edgard, although the elezen doesn’t really take liberties with my person like Zunh!  I still laughed, because like Edgard I know he’s in no way serious.

Hunters went on to tell tales of their mighty hunts, first up being Valera Laurent and her hunt against some ice golems in Coerthas. Oschon’s Hearty Soles, that woman can weave an entertaining tale!  I laughed almost as much at her as I had the whole evening.

Zunh went next, telling the tale of their hunt for the mylodon, also in Coerthas.  Although, in it he told us that poor Yihmu’ra Yotku had perished -- when he was right there in the room with us. It didn’t seem to sit too well with Mu’ra, but the joke carried on for the rest of the night that Mu’ra was simply a ghost.

We then heard from Sumiko Rijin who told an amazing tale about fighting against Alexander, the great robot thing out near Idyllshire. I can’t believe she went up against it!  I’ve only heard about it in tales from other hunters but it sounds like a pretty mean scrap to get through -- no pun intended, given it’s a bunch of metal robots and goblins. If I understood her tale right, though, she claims that she’s from the future?  Or… is it the past?  Some manner of time-travel. That couldn’t be real, could it?

Nan’to Vaadrage went next and told a curious tale about ice fishing. It was creepy and mysterious… /and ended in the middle of nowhere./  Who was the man in the ice?!  Inquiring minds want to know!  I swear, he’s the /worst/ most /infuriating/ storyteller ever.

Then, of course, they had to hear from me. I told them the tale of the Twintails as animatedly as I could, which was the end of the night’s tale-spinning. I might have embellished -- a little. No doubt had Edgard been there he would’ve either interrupted to correct me or gotten up there himself to tell the tale. He wasn’t here, though, so the story was /mine/ to tell and tell it I did!  It reminded me of so many nights in the tavern in Tailfeather, when the hunters would all come in after a day’s hunting and those who had success would weave their tales and those who had failure got deeply in their cups. Gods, it felt so much like home. So much like family.

After the tales were told, ways began to part, but I stayed after to help clean up and enjoy some tasty fruit sandwiches for dessert that Tetsuro made for us!  I got to spend some more time with Nan’to, along with M’yhe Tia and Ninka’ir Tayuun.  Oh, and Edgard Beaumont who finally put in a late appearance, too late to save his reputation, but enough time to have dessert.

It was a nice, mellow way to end the night. Again, though, I couldn’t help but notice that Edgard got a little...edgy when he heard that I’d hugged someone else. Or, heaven forbid, when he saw me hug Zunh.  I hadn’t even realized he was there at that point. Not that it matters, because Edgard isn’t serious.  

When the Dessert Afterparty wound down, I took a big box of leftovers from Nan’to and Tetsuro before making my way home. I had to stop at the docks outside Shirogane once the ferry dropped me off. I was feeling a bit queasy, I think I’d had too much to drink, too much to eat, and none of it appreciated a boat ride!

Of course Edgard found me there on his own way out of Shirogane, so he sat with me a while and we talked. There was Banter, because there’s always Banter. We talked about how nice it was when people were sincerely interested and affectionate with us. He doesn’t know what to do about it.  I just enjoy it, because it reminds me that life is worth living.  When the hunters gave out hugs galore at the Haven, I felt very blessed, very fortunate to have found my way there. The outpouring of camaraderie and friendly affection was just… real and honest.

We spoke of Mu-Onna. It’s clear both of us are frustrated with her situation and how helpless the both of us feel. There’s nothing for it, though, and neither of us like to dwell on it.

I admit that Edgard surprises me on occasion. He brought up Tristane very, very gently, wanting to know how I’d moved on from him and what to do about it. I admitted to him that if there’s anything my conversation with Lorrendor taught me, it’s that I’m not as over Tris as I think.  I’m over my love for him and his death, but I planned /so/ much of my future around him that I simply don’t know where to go from here. It’s been six years and I’ve gone along, mindlessly chasing the Saurotaun and the Hunt, doing my best /not/ to think of the life we’d planned and how it was all dashed to pieces. I gave my life no more thought than the next hunt or the next meal. I told Edgard as much. I had no thoughts for my future -- if I even lived to see it.

It was then that he told me something that -- for some reason -- struck a chord in me that I didn’t even know existed. He told me that if I hunted with him, then I would live long enough. The idiot doesn’t even know what he’s volunteering for, not really. The Saurotaun slaughtered an entire party of experienced Hunters, Veterans of the Hunt that Edgard and I don’t even hold a candle to. I had to ask him.  I /had/ to.  Knowing the risks, the danger, would he still go?

I more than expected him to laugh it off. Of course not!  He wasn’t going to risk his life for me, some silly blue catte!  What kind of person did I take him for?  He wasn’t some white knight hero any more than I was a damsel in distress. There was no way on the whole of Eorzea that he was going to put his life on the line for mine. Why would he?

“I thought that much was obvious,” he said. Was it though? Or was it just more of his bluster, more of his song and dance to prove how much of a dashing dragoon he was? This was the one Hunt that wasn’t a joke to me, if he knew how much it meant, it was no laughing matter. I told him as much. I didn’t want to count on him if it wasn’t sincere. 

And then I realized. He wasn’t talking about the Saurotaun. He was just talking about hunting. Gods, I felt so stupid. And… strangely disappointed. I don’t even know why. It’s a ridiculous expectation to have. I don’t know why I even thought he was making some grand gesture. I think I definitely had too much to drink tonight.

Before he left, Edgard asked about the gemstones in the feather ornament I gave him for his first successful hunt as a hunter. I told him that the blue ones were for me, the purple and white for him. He seemed genuinely surprised and pleased by the revelation. I would’ve expected some quip about it being a sign of my undying love. And he seemed to /want/ those colors to represent us, from the way he spoke about overthinking it. He’s such a conundrum sometimes, that Ishgardian.  I don’t know that I’ll ever figure him out.  He’s so mercurial. Mentions @nightraid-hq​ for the Night Raid Bounty Call & Hunter’s Haven @definefandom​ for R’zunh Tia @tetsuro-wulf​ for Tetsuro Wulf @orghanabolir​ for Orghana Bolir @timetravelandcandy for Sumiko Raijin @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont

And a whole lot of other people I don’t know Tumblrs for!

[casualcatte]

Journal : 08/02/2020

Kugane is such a beautiful place; it’s as if the very cobblestones of the streets exude serenity. As soon as my feet hit the Airship Landing upon my arrival, a feeling of peace washes over me unlike any city I’ve ever been to, even home. There is a part of me that already loves Kugane, but my heart forever belongs in Tailfeather. I’m a simple girl of simple needs, Kugane feels lavish, almost decadent in its beauty. I find myself missing the caelumtrees and the soft kwehing of the chocobo. 

[ Courtesy Cut for Length ]

Still, I’m not here for light-hearted purpose, there are hunt marks to serve and reputation to earn. Or so I like to tell myself. I was still pretty happy when Lorrendor Hauland arrived, as promised, eager to leave behind the troubles of Ul’dah and looking forward to a good hunt. We settled him into the inn, then let him recover from the journey with some drinks and food at the Shiokaze Hostelry. It was a welcome while just catching up, apparently others among Lorrendor’s friends had gotten into trouble and fighting, all of it combined to put the elezen at his wit’s end. As time pressed onward, he seemed to become much more relaxed, laughing and enjoying his Kugane escape.

After the meal, I took him on a tour of the city, showing him all the places I know best. From the Kogane Dori, to the gardens over by the Thavnairian Consulate, along the upper paths over to the Rakuza District, and back to the Bokairo. All along the walk, we chatted about everything and nothing, a flirtatious comment or two from him, though I know better than to put any consideration to them. He doesn’t mean them, only teasing me with them since he knows how Edgard always is around me. He got very dismayed when I climbed onto the railing along the upper paths, though, fearing I might fall off down into the canal. As if!  I’ve walked caelumtree branches thinner than that rail. The worry on his face, though, was enough to coax me down. I hadn’t meant to cause him to fret, the railings in this city are built for tall people, not small miqo’te, even if I /am/ tall for my kind. 

When we got back to the Bokairo, Lor was relaxed and content, though a bit tired. He spoke of how much he enjoyed the tour, needed this break from Ul’dah, and reveled in my company. He hugged me. I wasn’t expecting it, so it caught me somewhat off-guard. There wasn’t anything in it, he was just grateful for a day well-spent. Lor has expressed a number of times that all he’s interested in is friendship. He, too, has some tragic past, some lost love, and it left scars on his heart like everyone else it seems. He has no interest in romantic pursuits, which is honestly just fine by me. I’ve written in this journal a number of times that I still don’t think I’m over Tristane.

It wasn’t long after, in a turn I doubt anyone could have predicted, Edgard Beaumont came sauntering into view. Lor excused himself, intending to have a nap before exploring the Kogane Dor proper later in the evening. So, it left me alone with the elder Beaumont who was back in his usual brazen, flirtatious form. I like to think that I gave him as good as I got this time around, although that seemed to delight him far more than was prudent. That wasn’t the core of his conversation, however, only the diversion as is his usual wont to do.  He’s a master of deflection, Edgard. He spoke of his feelings for the au ra woman from the Quicksand, how their -- complicated story was making him uncertain. It’s strange to think Edgard uncertain of anything. Yet… here he was.

I asked him what he wanted for himself, if he could be satisfied being second, third, or who knows what number on down the line of this woman’s playthings. He said he couldn’t, that he didn’t want to be second to anyone. Whatever allure this woman has, though, must be a powerful thing, because I could see the conflict in him. 

I would’ve spoken to him at length on it, but the silly fool forgot his money pouch on the airship, so, in true dragoon style, he launched himself to the Airship Landing in the hopes of fetching it before anything happened to it.  By that time, it was close to when I was due to meet Lor at the Kogane Dor for some light shopping, so my footsteps carried me that way. 

At the market, I couldn’t help but laughingly tell Lorrendor that Edgard admitted that he was jealous of the other elezen.  Naturally, Edgard wouldn’t have meant it, he might find me interesting, perhaps an entertaining toy to bat around like a cat with a mouse, but there’s no true jealousy in him.  I even told Lorrendor that I’d told Edgard he had no right to be jealous when he was smitten of another woman, even with her complications. It led into a conversation about Edgard, how he was married before, and what had subsequently become of his wife. Lorrendor felt that he’d misjudged Edgard, but that the man’s mannerisms and general lecherous air were still contemptible. 

I’m not sure, entirely, what happened at that point. Something… shifted in Lorrendor.  He seemed very cross, frustrated and annoyed. We returned to the Shirokaze where he drank a fair amount of sochu, speaking in a way that I’ve never known Lorrendor to speak. He said no one needed him in Ul’dah, he spoke of leaving people he’d helped, possibly even considered friends, abandoning them to fates that he’d salvaged them from. He insisted on joining me on the hunt for the Saurotaun, which I adamantly refused. When I told him that my search might possibly lead me to Garlemald or Ilsabard, he insisted that he go with me, forsaking everything he’d built in Ul’dah. I made the jest that maybe I’d give it all up, stay in Kugane, and just be a bounty hunter for the Night Raid Bounty Call, so he figured he’d move to Kugane and join me here.

Again, he insisted that his only interest was friendship, which I don’t doubt, but I couldn’t understand where all these thoughts that seemed very un-Lor-like were coming from. Surely it wasn’t the drink, strong as it was, I wouldn’t have imagined Lor the type of person to drink to excess. I was at a loss of what to think, to do, to say. Thankfully, I was saved from it when Lor finally proclaimed it was time to find some rest for the hunt tomorrow. I’ve never been so relieved.  It was a confusing set of bells and even now I’m still not entirely certain what happened or what prompted the shift.

I can only hope that it’s gone by tomorrow. I’ll need Lor clear-headed for the hunt, otherwise the bara and its pack will have us for breakfast. 

[casualcatte]

RP Journal: 08/05/2020

I went out shopping in the Kogane Dori today, keeping to my word to Lorrendor that I would “rest” and do no work. I perused the shops, buying a couple of new dresses, some new arrows for my bow, and a case of sochu to send to Lorrendor in Ul’dah. That man will probably regret giving me his address.

[ Courtesy Cut for Length! ]

On my way back to the Bokairo to drop off my purchases, naturally, I had to come across Edgard Beaumont. There was something off about him today, though, not quite Edgard. There were still a couple of very light Edgard flirtations, but not his usual standard of fare. He even offered to take some of my packages to carry, when I would’ve expected him to watch me, laughing as I struggled along. It took me off-guard and felt somewhat surreal. So much so that I didn’t even see the random miqo’te that ran headlong into me, sending my packages everywhere.

Almost instantly, the miqo’te engaged this suave guile as he tried to soothe his offense. I could see him sizing us up, like a hunt mark assessing which hunter was less likely to shoot it if it ran. He decided to go with Edgard. A wise choice, considering he’d just knocked my shopping all over the bridge. I wasn’t prepared for him to /flirt/ with Edgard, though, and offer to take him to the inn!  Oh, I’m never going to let him live that one down.  First, the nickname of Sir Egg, now this. It’s like Starlight has come early!

At the end of it all, though, it turns out the miqo’te stranger was down on his luck, having ended up in Kugane without a gil to his name. He was angling to get one of us to buy into his services as a courtesan, but that certainly didn’t pan out for him. Still, I’ve been in that situation before; a stranger in a strange land with no resources to speak of. I gave him what was left over from my shopping spree.  It wasn’t much, but it would be enough to get him a meal and an inn room for a couple of days til he could find his feet. 

To his credit, Edgard offered his inn room to the stranger in order to help. Curious to see him being so helpful, he’s usually so self-interested that this kind of behavior is unexpectedly welcome. The miqo’te declined, not that I could blame him. I wouldn’t want to stay in a stranger’s inn room either. 

Before he left, I told the miqo’te my name in case he decided he needed help or just needed a friendly face in Kugane.  He introduced himself to me as Shiroi no Miko, then parted ways from us.

Edgard helpfully carried my packages back with me to the inn, but the moody pall I’d found him in continued to linger, so I asked him about it.  Whenever it comes to talking about his feelings, Edgard loses all glib, halting and starting as if he struggled to find the words for how he felt. I finally decided that he needed to get whatever was bothering him off his chest, so I took him with me to the hot springs.  

We sat on the boardwalk, dabbling our feet in the water as we, yet again had another real conversation. He said a woman he’d encountered was making him give a hard look at his life, how disconnected he was from his true feelings. He wasn’t sure what to do about it or why he was the way he was.

But I think I know. At least in part. I’ve felt it myself, though, perhaps not quite as deeply as he. I spoke as gently as I could about my suspicions, believing them rooted in the loss of his beloved Valentina. Though he’s not spoken of her openly often, you could see in his countenance and hear in his voice that she was so important to him when he did. I know he blames himself for her death, whatever may have happened. It’s a feeling I understand well.  I blamed myself for Tristane’s death for years, after all.

I told him of Tristane, something I don’t often do with people. I told him of how I blamed myself and how I sought to find closure. It was hard and it was painful, a terrible thing to face alone. I told him he should do the same.  To visit Valentina wherever she’s memorialized and pour out all of the feelings he’s keeping bottled within him; the guilt, the pain, the rage, the sorrow, the want, the disappointment, the love. Once he bleeds everything he’s kept held within, he won’t be healed, but I think it will put him on the path /to/ that healing. 

Knowing what a difficult thing it was and terrible to face alone, I offered to go with him. I didn’t expect him to accept, knowing how close to the vest he keeps everything about his wife. Yet… he did.  He said it would likely help him to have me there. I was surprised to hear him admit that he needed anything from anyone, least of all me. Like with Miko, I don’t want him to face the same hardships I did, not if I can help him.  So, after the hunt I promised to take him on, I’ll be going to Ishgard with Edgard to help him see this through.  To help him find a sense of closure.

I don’t know if this will help him. I don’t know if he’ll feel better.  But I hope it will and that it does. He’s a dragoon without a purpose, a man with a bleeding, broken heart, he’s been truncated in his grief and this feeling of stasis.  Perhaps with this single step, he’ll find a way to move forward.

As his friend, I certainly hope he does.

[casualcatte]

RP Journal 8/24 and 8/25/2020

08/24/2020

The Bounty Call Elite Hunt was today and I was /severely/ disappointed in my own performance. Everyone else that came along with us was splendid, but for my own part -- Gods, I think my parents are turning over in their graves in shame. I’ve lived and breathed the Hunt since I could walk, yet I couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn today if my life depended on it. It was likely the fault of the aetheric blast I took immediately after I drew first blood on the beast, so I really shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Nan’to Vaadrage told me as much when we returned to Headquarters.

(Courtesy cut for length -- and for you to get your tissues!)

Regardless of my poor performance, we managed to take down the Elite Hunt with only a modicum of trouble. For a short while, it seemed like no one could get a blow to land on the beast until I landed that attack. After that, the others seemed to rally and fight all the harder -- while I mostly stayed behind a rock and tried not to puke my guts out like Zanshin Kutabare.

It was curious to see Loksia Grimheart with a bow, considering that when we’d gone hunting for coral she’d opted for a sword and shield. A woman of many talents, that. The others, Azazel Hasegawa and Ryza Eclipse I’d never before met, but they both did well between their various magicks. Still, I was glad to finally see the beast go down.

I stayed long enough to have a celebratory drink with everyone, then I stumbled off home. I wasn’t badly injured, but aetheric bullshit always messes with me. Gods, to say nothing of the two aetheryte trips. I know I’m trying to learn Astromancy and all, but some days I really, really hate aetherical magic.

I’m not sure how, but I managed to make it home, get cleaned up and changed out of my hunting leathers before falling face-first in my couch. Lorrendor, I knew, had gone back to Ul’dah, but I had no idea where that dragoon, Edgard Beaumont had gone. All I knew was that I was exhausted and had to rest.

The remainder of the night, I’m told, was passed in a fevered haze as the after-effects of the aether poisoning got to me. I don’t know what I said or what I did, but I have a feeling that I was a lot of trouble for Ardi.  Between you and I, journal, I was touched that he stayed right next to me, sitting on the floor beside the sofa, watching over me all night. 

Wilbur, a porxie familiar that was gifted to me by Rae-Hann, apparently put in an appearance when I started to have nightmares. He siphoned away the excess aether and that seemed to help me a fair bit. I’m sure that it was just a fever-dream, but I recall waking at one point with Edgard’s arms around me as he held me close, telling me that everything was going to be okay, that I was safe at home in my cabin. My face was wet from tears and I felt like I’d been screaming. The nightmares Wilbur took away must have been severe. I don’t remember much else except for a pink book that Ardi kept hiding.  Why would he need to hide a book?

I slept.  And this time I didn’t dream.

8/25/2020

When next I awoke, I sent Edgard off to get some fresh air and to stretch his muscles.  As I mentioned, he’d sat on the floor all night watching over me as I slept. No doubt that man was achy and in need of some activity.  While he was gone, I gingerly made my way to the bath and gave myself the promised soak I’d meant to have when I got home, but skipped in deference to sleep.  Once more dressed and ready to face the world, I settled back into my comforter nest on the sofa that Edgard had made me and read one of the books he’d left to keep me entertained, along with a cup of tea and some medicine to help with the nausea.

It was thus that I was found by Lorrendor Hauland when he came to visit. I was surprised to see him come all the way from Ul’dah, given that our last encounter had been… unsettling to say the least. I can’t really tell you what happened between then and now, but this Lorrendor was a different man entirely.

Have I not said before that every encounter with this man feels like it’s with a different person?  Today was no different.  This was a Lorrendor who was stiff and austere, emotionless save for the one point he laughed when I proclaimed him an automaton. He fetched me tea, he was exceedingly polite and complimentary. I told him at one point I half expected to hear him replying with “Yes, Mistress” and “Whatever you wish, Mistress” to everything I said ere long.

He kept saying that he was “Lorrendor as he should have been instead of the Lorrendor he became.”  So this was another version, another mask, as he tried to tamp down his love for me and simply be my friend. Sometimes it makes me wonder if the man has ever lived an honest life and if anyone knows who he truly is?  The many Lorrendors I know may be nothing at all like the Lorrendor that Loksia knows or anyone else among his friends.  There’s really no telling and there’s really no comparing notes.  I don’t know the man.  I’m not sure I ever will.  He doesn’t trust me enough to be himself around me and I don’t trust him enough /because/ he chooses to hide.

Still, I owe it to him to bring him with me into Dusk Vigil when I go. We’d tracked the Saurotaun to the ruin and think that it may be a lair for it, so that alone is worth investigating. He suggested I bring along people I trust.  Naturally, Edgard as my hunting partner, and Rae-Hann as my closest friend, and after some debate, Lorrendor.  He’d brought me this information to begin with, the least I could let him do was see it through to the end with me.

Somewhere during this conversation, Ardi returned from his walk. When I queried why he’d been gone so long, he said he’d gotten “distracted” then he tried to hide the same pink book he’d had yesterday behind his back. I tried to get it from him a number of times, even tried to get Lorrendor to fetch it when Ardi threw it across the room, alas.  Neither of us could foil that wily dragoon when he’s of a mind he has a secret to keep. 

With Edgard present, we discussed the plan for Dusk Vigil again and the dragoon recommended we make it a scouting mission in case the monstrosity was at home. If we saw it, we would retreat and come back with a more tactical plan. Part of me rankled at being made to wait, especially if it was /right there/ but I knew better than to argue. Certainly not with /both/ he and Lorrendor there.  

Eventually, Ardi and I settled into our usual banter with Lorrendor chastizing us both as children -- though this time we /were/ being pretty childish -- but all of us laughed and had some fun, I think.  Lorrendor needed to catch the last flight from Ishgard to Ul’dah, so he took his leave. 

Which left just Edgard and I.  Again, I tried to get the secret of the pink book out of him, but he refused to tell.  He made me another cup of tea and we talked, as we often do.  I pointed out to him that he seemed much more relaxed that he had when he first arrived in Kugane after his fight with Edmond. He seemed more at peace with himself, that whatever chains holding him down had broken and now he had a chance to soar -- but had no idea how to use his wings.

He told me that I’d helped him a great deal, that he’s actually excited when he wakes up in the morning. And in this excitement he gave me a linkpearl, so that we could talk even when we’re apart. It’s a silly, common thing that everyone uses, but it felt meaningful coming from him. Naturally, I had to tease him about it, though, saying that he just wanted to whisper sweet nothings into my ear whenever he wanted. 

He inferred then that Something Happened last night in my fevered delirium.  He refused to tell me though, saying that something so /intimate/ was meant to be kept a secret. It worried me.  Had I said or done something inappropriate?  I think I would know, physically, if I’d slept with him and I didn’t really feel that was the case. Idiot, of course he’d delight in worrying me like that.

Still, when I demurred that I didn’t do much of anything for him, he said that I was one of few people who took him seriously, outside of his brother.  I listen to him and he feels like he can talk to me about anything. That I could be trusted with his problems. It was heartwarming to be so trusted and I reassured him that I would always be there for him as long as he wanted.

It was then that his mood shifted somewhat and he told me that he was finally ready to go to Valentina’s graveside, to finally find the closure with her that his heart and his soul both needed. He asked me again if I would still go with him.  And my answer was of course, I’d promised him that I would. For the first time since I’d know him, I saw fear ripple through Edgard.  Fear, uncertainty, and a vulnerability that made my heart ache for him. 

I sat next to him, leaning into his side, just to give him a real, living presence to comfort him in such a troubled moment.  I reassured him that he wasn’t alone.  He would never be, so long as I drew breath.  When next he looked at me, his eyes captured and held me within their blue crystalline depths. It was in those depths that I could see … longing. Like a moth to a flame I was drawn to it, enchanted by it -- for a moment, I reached out to that flame…

Before I came to my godsdamned senses!  I made my excuses to leave, claiming I needed sleep in my own bed and I left the room. Ardi seemed bewildered and confused, it made my heart ache.  I couldn’t believe I’d gotten that close to going against my own expectations. I can’t.  I can’t do to him what Tristane did to me. I don’t want to hurt him. I was angry and disappointed in myself for not minding my /own/ boundaries. 

As I sat in my room, rebuking myself for my behavior.  I heard him talking to himself on the other side of the wall.  What I heard, what he said, made my heart hurt all the more. Part of me wanted to go to him, to reassure him, but I knew it was better for us both to remain silent. The Hunt must always be first in my heart.  Until it is done, I can’t… I won’t put anyone in the position to love me only for me to die.  I knew that pain once and I swore I would never inflict it on anyone else.

What do I do now?  How do I act?  I never meant for things to get this far. Somewhere, somehow… what wasn’t serious became serious.  If I deny his feelings like I did Lorrendor, will he do the same thing?  Turn into some emotionless marionette, just going through the song and dance of friendship?  I don’t know that I could take that.  Ardi is a source of joy to me and a good partner. I don’t… I don’t want to have to be without him.

Why does making the right choice have to be so goddamned hard?

[casualcatte]

[FFXIV] Character Journal

Entry Two I think the roasted miacid we had for dinner was bad. Like, really bad. I had the weirdest dreams I think I’ve ever had. I saw snippets of Karaan Nolan’s family, on some beach somewhere with a woman and a pair of twins. They looked and seemed happy. They talked about going North somewhere. For these Eorzeans, that could mean just about anywhere, really. Then I saw snippets of some elezen riding a white chocobo and a trick being played on them both during a joust. Then I remember a dream of one of father’s old challenge hunts, where I had til sunset to find him, wherever he’d hidden in the Chocobo Forest.  I hadn’t thought about those in ages...

The weirdest part was when I ‘woke up’ in some desert somewhere. I didn’t really wake up, I don’t think, but it was the realest-seeming dream I ever remember having. In this strange desert, I remember seeing the stars and how they were unlike the stars I recalled when father taught me how to navigate by them. These were strange, unfamiliar.  Not in places I was taught. 

[ Courtesy cut for length -- Click to continue reading! ]

Stranger still, Karaan was there along with an elezen dragoon that introduced himself as Irridias Velnyx.  They went on about magic stuff that went over my head, but it had something to do with ‘shared consciousness’ -- why we all had similar dreams -- and our aether being confused or something. I don’t know. I never understand half of what mages say and most of the time it seems too far-fetched to really believe. This was no exception.

The only way to go was forward, though, so we scouted the area and eventually found a small -- very small -- settlement nearby. It seemed to be populated with... sick people. Afflicted with some kind of malady that turned their skin a strange shade of white from what I could see. I didn’t get any closer than I had to to investigate. Disease is a hunter’s worst nightmare; it keeps us from food and money; it gives us away to prey and sometimes makes us the prey if a predator feels and smells we’re weak enough. Father never let me go on a hunt, ever, if I had so much as a sniffle. He said it was life or death out there and illness led to death more often than not. And I’m not ready to die.

Thankfully, we didn’t linger long in the quarantined area, making quickly for a market town that the dragoon had seen from one of the cliffs over the hamlet. I have never been so glad to move on from a place. The market was a much better place, Mord Souq, the kobold called it when Irridias spoke to one. The place seemed to put Karaan on-edge; he wouldn’t stop patrolling and scrutinizing the citizenry.  Me, I took in the local cuisine.  It was... interesting, let me tell you. He called it mushloaf and it certainly was that, but the cactus paste inside was filling and even slaked my thirst, so I suppose there are benefits to eating such a thing in the desert. 

It wasn’t long after that Irridias started feeling strange, he said something about how he was being pulled back and that he’d find us wherever we were in the world -- both Karaan and I still being in Tailfeather.  Me at home and Karaan over in Priorfaix’s barn.  I faded not long after, though I couldn’t help but tell Karaan he had a cute family.

I woke up at home, in bed, Sillesti’s snoring audible even from his bedroom. I didn’t feel any worse for wear, though I wasn’t at all hungry, which I usually am in the morning. I resolved that I’d get up and find Karaan, see if he had a dream like mine. He might think me foolish or crazy when he hears, but the dragoon in the dream said we’d shared the experience. I only hoped he was right...

Credits Karaan Nolan appears courtesy of @thechoirrp The unseen Hand of Fate (GM) courtesy of @yokasaris Irridias Velnyx appears courtesy of his Player who doesn’t have Tumblr