#i was going to do the other cast members but i don't have fcs for them yet and i just finished prime and was like I GOTTA YELL jsjaa

[thedeadthree]

SUFFERING IS A TERRIBLE FIRE; IT EITHER PURIFIES OR DESTROYS. [template by @unholymilf ✧ | icons ✧]

[xivanxiety]

The First & Worst FC (Approx June 2019 - May 2020)

As previously mentioned in my last blog entry, a long time RP friend reached out to me mentioning that he'd started playing XIV and had started an FC. And by started an FC, they'd just started. I was the fifth person to join this FC, so I was officially the first member. This FC eventually grew to consist of people from two different RP communities from two different platforms, so there was a lot of familiar and new faces for everyone. I will need to use names, so I will be naming some of the people in this story after the cast of Mean Girls. Anyway, back to the beginning:

I'm typically pretty shy with groups at first, I like to sit and observe and get a feel for the vibes, I'm also just a quiet person in group settings as other people tend to dominate the conversation. So making friends doesn't come quick for me... typically. However, it didn't take long for Janis to befriend me. I'd say we were pretty attached at the hip. She found a lot of joy in witnessing me go through the MSQ and hearing my reactions to all of the major plot points. She also helped me through a lot of dungeons, trials, etc.

One thing I will note is that Janis did warn me about one of the members in our FC, Regina. She told me that Regina was Aaron's (our FC lead, and my friend from Tumblr) best friend, she had feelings for him, and their characters from their RP community were in a romantic relationship, so she was quite protective of him (I think she meant possessive).

One day, our small group decided to go hang out in Mordona. It was me, Janis, Aaron, Regina, and Glen. We were just shooting the shit and taking screenshots while hanging out in voice. And then as we were sharing the shots we took, Regina blurts out "Katy, why are you staring at Aaron??" I was caught off guard by this, so I simply responded, "I'm... not?" She then hissed at me and said "You're looking at him in all of your screenshots!" I was actually targeting Janis who was standing behind me, so it looked like I was targeting Aaron. I told her "I don't know what to say, I wasn't targeting him." She then let out a deep breath and said "You know what? I just need to chill the fuck out." And left the voice chat. It would appear that either she caught herself in the moment, or someone privately DM'd her telling her to stop which wouldn't have surprised me given future incidents. However, I do believe from that moment on, I was Regina's public enemy #1.

I don't recall a single civil interaction between the two of us and I maintain to this day, I was definitely not an instigator.

Example #1: One day in voice chat, I was helping Janis with pronouncing Korean foods and words. I was talking to Janis but at some point Regina griped, "I know, Katy! I already study Korean so I don't need you teaching me!" Girl, I wasn't even talking to you!

Example 2: She was quick to assume or claim I was being antagonistic in Discord when I was simply engaging in discussion, she'd tell me to calm down and drop it. She was quick to disagree with me in any group chat and treated me like I was being aggressive and antagonistic. ie. I was stating that I wished the Valentione dresses came with petticoat layers in the design because otherwise, it makes no sense why they'd be so poofy. She got on me about complaining over nothing and said they looked fine the way they were. What is wrong with a little critique? I swear, I wasn't allowed to be critical of this game and Yoshi P even in the slightest.

Example 3: One day, another sprout in the FC asked in FC chat what materia they should use for SCH. Regina chimed in telling them not to worry about it, they're not at level cap, much less ready for raids. I asked if she could hypothetically answer the question because I was curious how similar it was to WoW, because a lot of the stats were quite similar and I was a healer main in WoW. Also, Regina was a SCH main at the time. She repeated, "I said not to worry about it!" I then went to Google and looked it up myself and repeated what a few sources online were saying. She responds with "LOL no!" and logged out. The other sprout thanked me for speaking up and answering their question because Regina was starting to scare them.

The final incident (for some time) occurred when I logged into the game one day and dove right into working on the MSQ. I was finally in Shadowbringers and I was eating up the story. Mind you, I was still very much so a sprout. I'd been doing almost nothing but MSQ since I started playing. I do believe this was about... August-ish after SHB came out. We had a new member in the FC, someone who wasn't from either RP communities so we especially wanted to make him feel welcomed. I was running into an issue where I couldn't get past a fight with a few NPCs and was playfully teasing myself in the FC chat. I then quickly realized it was because I hadn't repaired my gear in some time and some of it was broken. Rookie mistake, I know. Regina sees me talking in FC chat and tells me to just go buy some gear off of the market board. I tell her that's too expensive. She then barks back telling me "No it isn't" I then explain I am still leveling so I don't want to waste gil on gear I am going to either replace quickly or can get for free through the MSQ. She then appeared to get fed up and told me to just buy the damn armor. I then went onto explain that it wasn't for a need of armor, I just forgot to repair and now everything is fine. She took it as an opportunity to crack jokes at me and shame me for forgetting to repair my gear. I think she then went and looked me up on the Lodestone or something because then she continued, "WTF are you doing in lvl 82 armor when you're lvl 88?? Go buy higher level gear!" and once again the back and forth about her telling me to go buy armor continued, I told her that even though I'm lvl 88, I am in lvl 82 content (I started SHB at about lvl 86ish, the exact numbers are fuzzy). She continued essentially yelling at me in FC chat but then grew silent and then eventually logged off.

I was then informed by Janis that Regina has been complaining to her and Aaron about me in DMs and they were getting tired of it. Janis told Regina to stop coming to her with her complaints about me as we were friends. And apparently, Aaron had gotten onto her for making a scene in front of our new member and told her she needed to give me a chance or leave. She logged out, and wouldn't log back in for a long time.

The thing is, this character in the FC wasn't Regina's main. She had a main on a completely different DC and tbh, she hardly ever did any content with anyone in the FC except for when Aaron needed help. Otherwise, she'd log in, seemingly check if Aaron was online, maybe say a few things in FC chat, and then log out. She was mostly active in the Discord server.

And for some time, there was peace. We were building structure within the FC. I had become the 'HR' of the FC so to speak and I was also one of the house decorators, having used my own gil to furnish and decorate the place. I felt quite liked by the community. I helped run events and people often confided in me and seemed to feel comfortable coming to me with their issues with the FC. I genuinely liked being there for everyone and playing my part. That was not going to last and it all changed overnight.

I woke up one morning to find that Janis had stepped down as co-FC lead and had promoted Regina to co-lead. And Regina had gone through all of the roles and changed their permissions, and which one received the most lockouts? Mine. I was essentially demoted to just being a member. I couldn't do jack shit, I even lost the ability to drop furnishing items into the FC house. I was not happy and reached out to the admin chat in Discord stating that I couldn't even drop furniture when I was the one who was investing their gil in the furniture. Aaron wasn't happy as he hadn't authorized those changes, to which Regina replied "How was I supposed to know?? I've been gone for months!" Yes! Exactly! You weren't even active with us to begin with. You used your gil you got from your MSQ and level boosts to help pay for the FC, and that was that. She didn't know a damn thing about the community other than when she'd pop into the Discord server and boast about her achievements on her main.

Meanwhile, Janis had started to avoid me. I knew that running the FC was beginning to take a toll on her. She didn't like running an FC, she just wanted to play with her friends. I never got to confirm what her issue was with me, but she never spoke to me again. I do believe Regina had something to do with it because the timing was too coincidental. It became painfully awkward and uncomfortable for me being in the FC. Regina was on a power trip, Janis wasn't talking to me, and Aaron wasn't doing a damn thing to help. Janis and Aaron had been my closest friends. I was quite vocal to Aaron about my dislike for the changes to the FC and I was often the voice for other members who were too afraid to speak out because they too were afraid they'd become Regina's punching bag. We had these farming plots placed in the FC yard, but only Regina was allowed to use them. We were told not to mess with them. One day, one of the members saw that her crystals were ready to harvest, so they gathered them and mailed them to Regina. Her response? She threw a fit in FC chat, told us "Don't touch my stuff!" and removed all members abilities to harvest from the plots.

Meanwhile, Regina continued bullying me, always making passive remarks about me. Anytime I shared a screenshot, she would post 2-3, bumping my screenshot out of view. She always had snide remarks in response to anything I said. I once mentioned that my partner at the time had ordered us Jimmy Johns for dinner, and Regina proceeded to shame me in voice chat claiming I support a man who hunts wildlife in Africa... just because my partner bought me some Jimmy Johns. I had to set myself to DND and turn off notifications on my phone because just any sound related to Discord was giving me anxiety.

Then the Valentiones event came around, the one with the obstacle course you have to run with a partner. A friend of mine, Karen, joked that she and Aaron should run it together. Their characters canonically did not get along, so she thought it would be amusing, besides... it was a joke. Regina did not like this. She pitched yet another fit telling Karen absolutely not, and asked her how would she like it if Regina approached Karen's partner and asked him to run it with her? Regina was constantly forgetting one of the major rules (at that times). Our character's canons did not exist in the FC. There was too much overlappage and we didn't want to deal with petty jealousy. Basically, Aaron's character was actually in a romance with a few characters in the FC. Funny enough, my character was not one of them, and yet for some reason Regina was Hell bent on pushing me out. And this rule apparently did not apply to Regina because she just assumed that Aaron and her character were going to get married and assumed she was his partner in the game. However, over on Tumblr, Aaron's character was starting to eye mine in their story. So it kind of came to no surprise when Aaron decided, due to how Regina was behaving, he was not going to run the event first with her, and instead, asked me to run it with him. I saw no big deal in it, Regina already hated my guts, so I may as well, I otherwise didn't have anyone to run it with. In the moment, I hoped maybe he decided to run it with me because I was not behaving like a brat, but I kind of wonder if he did it to ruffle Regina's panties. Funny enough, Regina didn't have a damn thing to say about it. I assume Aaron had a word with her in private.

But things continued going downhill from there. I had extended an olive branch to Janis asking if we could just talk about why she wasn't talking to me. It was becoming painfully awkward and uncomfortable being in an FC where 2/3 of the people on top did not like me. People I considered friends were beginning to become questionable. Gretchen had once upon a time confided in me because she too felt Regina was on a power trip and she didn't like seeing someone who was so inactive suddenly in control of the FC, meanwhile, she too had been making all efforts to help the FC and felt like she wasn't appreciated. But even Gretchen was starting to hang out with Janis more and speaking to me less. My only two friends left were Karen and Damian, or so, that's how it felt at the time (there were definitely more people on my side in the end). They'd even arrange FC events in secret, definitely without my knowing. I'd be logged in only to check the FC roster to see that most of them were in a group together running maps or FATEs. No mention of it in FC chat or the Discord. But seeing as Janis was often involved in these runs, I was clearly being purposefully excluded, Karen as well. We found comradery in each other as the rejects of the FC. When Karen first joined the FC, Janis asked me to not RP with her as all she liked to do was ERP. She made it a point to say this to everyone she saw getting close to Karen. I took her suggestion with a grain of salt. Yeah, Karen had her flaws, but she was by far the least problematic in the end. This was when I began to wonder "Why the fuck am I still in this FC??"

That was when Karen, Damian, and I discovered it... Balmung. People in the FC had always badmouthed the server, stating it was filled with degenerates. And you definitely don't go to the Quicksands. Well, we wanted to see it for ourselves, so together we went to Balmung. We took a liking to people-watching in the Quicksands. Karen had a thing for a certain race, so she liked to try to chat them up, flatter them, etc etc, never anything serious. One day she spotted a fellow in the distance whose character design she really liked, like... really liked, but she was too shy to say anything. So, I offered to talk to him for her. I sent him a tell letting him know that my friend next to me liked his character design. He took the compliment in stride, but did not appear to take any interest in talking to Karen, but instead chose to talk to me. No, he didn't start hitting on me or anything creepy. In fact, he too was just there to people watch and see who sends him tells.

My time on Balmung encouraged me to start considering diving into RP in XIV. I was beginning to feel more comfortable with just going out on my own and expanding my social circle outside of the FC. Meanwhile, every time Karen and I were spotted on Balmung, people in the FC had things to say, there was a lot of slut shaming going on. I'd swiftly call people out on their hypocrisy because there's no way in Hell some of these people hadn't ERP'd. Aaron especially had art of his character and other people's characters in the act. So what is wrong with Karen, Damian, and I hanging out on Balmung??

Another mutual on Tumblr reached out to me and said I should make a character on their DC and join their FC. They were an RP FC and there was no pressure to make the character my main. So I started a second life on this other DC. It was there that I made one crucial change to my character: Her race. I'd kind of sped my way through character creation the first time around and wasn't 100% happy with her initial design. However, the race and clan I really wanted to be was the exact same as Regina. And I just knew if I changed my character, I'd never hear the end of it. But when I finally made her into what I truly wanted her to be, it was hard to go back to her original design. She was just so cute and my other FC absolutely adored her. They encouraged me to just bite the bullet and fantasia my main, who cares what Regina thought? That FC clearly no longer gave any shits about me. So I did. And sure enough, as soon as I posted a screenshot of my character in the Discord server, Regina had things to say. "Looks like I need to fantasia, one too many (race/clan) in this FC."

The more time went on, the less fucks I gave, and the more I distanced from this FC. I finally decided to have a talk with Aaron. I asked him if there was some issue that people had with me. He tried spinning it onto me and said "I don't know, it sounds more like it's you who has a problem with other people." I asked him to clarify what he meant by that. He then told me I need to be more careful about talking about others behind their backs. To this day I don't know what the fuck he was talking about, because everything I complained about in private to others I told to Aaron himself. I had no qualms about expressing my concerns to him. But I also posed the question, wouldn't that mean there's a great deal of hypocrisy going on then? I never vented to anyone who didn't verbally agree with me. I'm not the type to just dump onto someone without mutual expression of feeling the same way and without valid complaints. I never have problems with people unprovoked. I genuinely never had any issues with Regina in the beginning, it was she who had problems with me and I was beginning to believe that Regina had somehow flipped the narrative. So either way, he was allying with someone who had no issue acting two-faced, and does anyone really want to be friends with someone like that? I later learned that Gretchen had been repeating things I said to Aaron and Regina. I was officially done with this FC. I just needed to wait for a good opportunity and for Balmung to open up.

Meanwhile, I just spent most of my time on Balmung. One fateful day, I was sitting in the Quicksands when some guy started sending me tells. It quickly escalated (on his end) and the dude was asking desperately for my attention and was not taking no for an answer. The guy I'd spoken to for Karen noticed me and asked if I was having any issues. I told him that the other guy wouldn't leave me the fuck alone. He then told me to tell the guy that I needed to go meet with my friends. He then lead me to a different part of Ul'dah where there was a little group of people just sitting and chilling. They were friends and FC mates of his. They weren't RPers, just long time Balmung residents. They were the chillest group of people I'd ever met, and still to this day, remain some of the chillest people I know. They took me in and I began hanging out with them every day. My birthday came around and they showered me with gifts and celebrated with me.

I finally made the move not long after my birthday. Over night I abandoned my house, exited my FC room, said goodbye to anyone who happened to be online at the time, and transferred to Balmung.

Balmung was such a silly place, I don't think it's as bad as a lot of people make it out to be. Upon logging in after transferring, a little lalafell walked up and gave me a hug. I then stepped away from the aetheryte and stumbled upon two people who were in character. One of the characters appeared to be mute and was acting bashful toward my character, like he thought she was really cute, meanwhile his friend was expressing disapproval in me, shaking her head no at him and gesturing that he stop before approaching me and pointing as if telling me to walk away. They didn't really speak to me after that so I assume they were just goofing around. But it was quite the welcome to Balmung.

Aarson of course DM'd me the next day expressing his disappointment in me. He said he wasn't bothered by the fact that I left the FC, but why did I have to go to Balmung?

Years of friendship, dedicated writing partners, invested so much time and energy and gil into your FC, and that's what you have a problem with?

Thank you, next.

The Aftermath

So, I had another character in the FC who I forgot I'd left in there. And I logged in on that alt the day after I left to remove her and also say my goodbyes to people who I didn't get to say goodbye to. Regina was not aware of this. While I was logged into said character, Regina logged in and said in FC chat "Finally, I can breathe in my own FC!" Bitch please.

I'd learn over time that I had more allies in the FC than I initially thought. A number of people reached out and stayed in touch with me, including Gretchen who I ended up softblocking. Another member of the FC tipped me off and told me she was likely just in contact with me to give the FC leaders tea on what I was up to, probably hoping I'd be miserable on my own. I wasn't.

Sometime later, Damian and Karen ended up getting pulled into a voice call and was yelled at by Regina for continuing to associate with me, treating them as though they were guilty of some crime for fraternizing with the enemy. Aaron also sided with Regina on this matter.

I was also told that Regina was never physically active within the FC ever again, only in Discord. And Janis took over her position as co-lead again.

Basically, anyone who was a friend of mine in the FC ended up leaving. Besides Gretchen. I named her Gretchen because of the pick-me nature of both individuals. Even Janis ended up leaving the FC. Honestly, I feel as though Aaron was far more antagonist than most would've given him credit for. I think he found joy in how much Regina adored him and how possessive she was and how quick she was to bow down to him. He liked stirring the pot. The RP community that they all came from (I was in the minority from Tumblr) was almost cult like in my eyes. They all placed him on a pedastal and a lot of people have crushes on him. I'm told he ended up getting together with someone else and married them in-game and of course everyone attended but Regina.

[ofsvnlightt]

Was that [TIAN XIWEI]? Oh no no, that was just [JESTER LAVORRE], a [CANON CHARACTER] from [CRITICAL ROLE]. They are [unknown/TWENTY FIVE] years old, use [SHE/HER],  and [ARE] aware that they are not actually from Washington DC. Too bad they can’t stray from this city for long. 

did i choose this fc just so i could use this gif? ......maybe

How long has your character been here: she was here for a while, then gone for a while, and now she's back. in total, she's probably been in dc for about a year and a half. for this current reappearance though, only a few months.

Job: freelance artist 

Where has your character been pulled from in their fandom: after the events of the uk'otoa two-shot

Has magic affected your character: only a little. she still knows everything of her time with the mighty nein from the main campaign and the first m9 reunion. she does not have her memories from the second reunion, the echos of the solstice. also, the magic of the city did make her human. she is no longer a blue tiefling. she does still have her cleric magic though.

Anything else? yes, actually. this may get lengthy, but i'm going to try my best to stay succinct. the summaries i write below are going to be from her pov, not full explanations of the episodes, to (hopefully) make them shorter. i'll try my best lol.

tldr: jester is from the second campaign of a d&d live play show called critical role. she was created and played by laura bailey.

let me introduce you to the mighty nein! it consists of seven (technically 8) members: her, a tiefling cleric fjord, a half orc warlock/paladin caleb, a human wizard beau, a human monk yahsa, an aasimar barbarian veth, a halfling rogue caduceus, a firbolg cleric kingsley, a tiefling blood hunter/rogue, formerly mollymauk, a tiefling bloodhunter (click the bolded link below to clarify this distinction)

everything below this you do not need to read if you don't want to lol

here is a masterlist with all the posts i made about her memories throughout the campaign - all 141 episodes!

now for the uk'otoa two shot, 2 of the 3 reunion episodes. (this is where it's going to get looong): following the events of the campaign, the mighty nein have all settled down and split off to do their own things. in the short 6 months they've been apart, fjord, jester, and kingsley (previously molly) have started a small shipping company and they themselves still sail the nein heroz often.

one day while off at sea, they get attacked by a storm giant and cultists looking for the 3rd cloven crystal to unlock and set uk'otoa free. the ship gets totaled but to spare the remaining crew and jester (she had really low hp), fjord gives up the crystal. the two of them, kingsley, and the remaining crew get in a dinghy and row to the nearest island to sleep and figure out what to do next. before bedding down for the night, jester uses sending to call caleb to let him know what's happening, and then veth as well. caleb rounds everyone (veth, beau, yasha) up and teleports to where the other three are located - the twinward isles - somewhere in the lucidian ocean, just west of port zoon.

after some discussion and a scry, the nein teleport then polymorph to get to the cyrios end forest, where these minions of uk'otoa are trekking through. after some time of their own journey through the jungle, they finally make it to some temple ruins. they all climb to the top, planning to ambush the scions and minions. [this is where ep 1/the first half of the reunion ends.]

easily noticed by the storm giant, combat starts immediately before the nein can actually prepare the ambush. the storm giant destroys the top of the temple and jester casts earthquake, wanting to collapse it. realizing they need to go inside, jester only lets the quake last a few rounds before ending the spell.

killing the giant and a couple scions, the nein make their way to the bottom of the temple to try to collect the cloven crystal before anything happens. they're too late though, seeing one of the last remaining followers put it into the floor of the temple - the final key in its place, uk'otoa is released. due to his old pact with the leviathan, fjord can sense that it's south of where they are, roaming in the lucidian ocean.

after some discussion and ruling out darktow, the nein decide that caleb will teleport them to nicodranas where they see ominous storm clouds in the distance and hear that people have been having visions of a creature with many yellow eyes.

they secure the aid of the drensala vis and its captain, adella to weather looming storm and go after uk'otoa. they get a long rest and just approach the edge of the worst of the storm as they wake up. as they enter the worst of it, fjord casts underwater breathing on the nein and the crew of the ship and jester casts waterwalk. she also casts control weather to try to calm down the storm a little bit.

Tidal waves assail the ship, but thanks to Jester’s water walk, they can get close to Uk’otoa and attack the various portions of his serpentine body. The numerous eyes are harder to hit, but striking them keeps his fury at bay, which causes lightning attacks when the fury builds. Attacks rain down on Uk’otoa from the Mighty Nein. Caleb polymorphs into a blue dragon and Fjord casts cone of cold, freezing various sections of the body in the water.

the nein harry the sea leviathan. one of many clutch moments being beau being able to give uk'otoa vulnerability to lightning, making dragon!caleb's attacks more lethal. the biggest clutch moment coming from the queen herself. jester sent out her duplicates the turn before and when the group needed it most, she cast mass heal, getting all 7 of them nearly back to full health.

uk'otoa's health continues to diminish. with two swipes of her sword, yasha nearly ends the leviathan. there's a whole team joint-attack, but ultimately, the killing blow goes to fjord.

the serpent falls beneath the waves, but he still needs to be locked away - for good. now a dragon turtle, caleb takes fjord far below the water, and with a boon given to him in the temple, fjord seals uk'otoa in the depths of the sea. As the runes spread over Uk’otoa’s body, he and Fjord are yanked to the bottom of the ocean. Soon, the body vanishes and three new Cloven Crystals float in the water, restarting the cycle anew. Fjord grabs the crystals and casts far step, returning to Caleb. They return to the surface together and reunite with the Nein.

Fjord takes the Cloven Crystals and sends them to separate locations. One goes to the volcano in Rumblecusp, one goes to the Cobalt Soul, and Fjord keeps the third location secret.

epilogue: Jester is the arts and crafts teacher at veth's summer camp, finding a love for it and opens her own art studio in Nicodranas – Dicks and Other Things. Her graffiti becomes famous around Wildemount. (a la banksy)

and that's the uk'otoa two shot! holy cow, this is much longer than i expected it to be, so i'm glad i'm leaving out the solstice oneshot for now. i'll do that in a month or so when i decide to update her memories lol.

[barbierpt]

the thing is with that rp it isn’t a ‘oh we trust our members to be diverse’ or try and encourage diversity because they let one person play four cis white women of the same age group and they’re not diverse in any other way such as a disability.

i don’t think diversity rules are just ‘fulfilling a quota’ because i think they actually help people branch out to find other fcs you might not have thought about before. most diversity rules are tailored around fcs yes because the rpc is notorious for ignoring poc or not playing bipoc. gender and disability diversity is harder to do because like mentioned, you don’t want those characters to be portrayed wrong, even with an experienced writer but for a lot (of course not all) of ocs and even canon characters, race isn’t important to their story so why shouldn’t a fcoc be played?

i hate the ‘play what you’re comfortable with’ mentality because it just feels like an excuse not to use poc when like i said, their race doesn’t always have to be important to their story

i totally agree about the rp, anon, but for the sake of no longer dragging their name i'm going to leave mention of them there.

i also agree with your point too despite me also agreeing that sometimes the phrasing of diversity rules can come off as trying to fulfill a quota and might not be genuine. because i also agree with that "play what you're comfortable with" mentality causing that feeling. basically i agree with a lot of what you're saying as well as what others and this conversation is something i've had a lot of time to think on so i'm glad others have thought about it too!

i'll admit that being in an rp or two with a diversity rule has had that effect on me in terms of branching out with my fc list for my own cast of characters. this is me speaking from my own experience being here ten years and may or may not apply to anyone else. like i've admitted i started out here on tumblr in 2013 so my list of fcs included the cast of pretty little liars, the vampire diaries, one direction, teen wolf... primarily the white fcs from those fandoms. those fcs were so popular back in the day and got attention easier than others and i really liked them/found them fitting for my characters back then and still today. those characters are so established in my arsenal, but they've evolved over the years to include different ages, sexual orientations, gender identities, backgrounds, some have mental health issues. but yep as i've been in rps with diversity rules it has helped me branch out to find fcoc for new characters and i personally believe i have a good mixed cast because of it. there have been rps that don't have stricter diversity rules where i've wound up with maybe 3 white characters, but they're not all the same. different gender identities, backgrounds, ages, sexual orientations. for me, it's not because i favor playing white characters, those were just the ones that i felt strongest muses for in that particular setting. i've also been in groups where i've not played a single white character because of who i felt from my end best fit in with the story.

anyways, what i'm trying to get at in my rambling is that your feelings are totally valid on this subject, anon! i don't think every instance of what you mentioned is intentionally that way but i also can see how those conclusions would be drawn there in others.

[ourmiraclealigner]

One and Only

Lewis Nixon x Reader 

gif not mine! credit to owner.

request: anon

taglist: @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @mavysnavy @ivy-miranda-2390 @ya-yeeteth @rayofshanshine @primusk @punkgeekchic @inglourious-imagines @wexhappyxfew @vintagelavenderskies @easy-company-tradition @meteora-fc @teenmagazines @order-of-river-phoenix @contrabandhothead​ 

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Lewis Nixon was never one to get jealous- he never had a reason to be. He was a tall ivy- league man with dark hair and dark eyes, never having any trouble with women. He had joined Easy with a wife and child and was perfectly content with the life he had at home. He had tried to distance himself from the men in the beginning, only hearing about them when he listened to Dick. But as time went on, he found himself spending more and more time, getting to know each one more personally. 

Yet, there was one that he was interested in the most- (Y/N). At first, he kept it professional, wanting to get to know her as much as possible before doing anything he would regret. As they continued to grow closer, he had become bolder, starting to put his arm around her shoulders, brush pieces of her hair behind her ear, and shower her in compliments. And before he knew it, Lewis Nixon was in love. 

Their relationship progressed fast, wanting to make up for the lost time. There were very seldom moments they would be away from each other, and it seemed all of the destruction and heartbreak had pulled them closer together. 

Now, as there was an end of the war in sight, Lew found himself stressed about their relationship. He worried that once all of this ended, they'd just go back to the states and act as if nothing had happened. He knew it was likely; he was a difficult person to be with and was more trouble than it was worth. He won't blame her if that's what she chose to do. 

He stared across the river to the German side, Dick next to him as they spoke in hushed voices about the coming patrol. This was commonplace for them- discussing military strategy, command, and members of Easy. He found it hard to focus, wanting to do nothing more than slip back into his mind, but he knew now wasn't the time. 

"Speirs pick the men for the patrol tonight?" Lew asked, looking up at his redheaded friend. 

"I think so.." Dick trailed off, mind somewhere else, as he tried to play the patrol out in his mind. He didn't want any casualties this close to the inevitable German surrender. 

Eyebrows furrowed, Lew turned when he heard a familiar laugh, eyes immediately landing on the two. He couldn't help the anger that coursed through his veins as he watched (Y/N) and Speirs talking, casually strolling through the grey streets of Hagenaou, acting as if the world wasn't at war around them. 

It wasn't as if Lewis didn't want her to have friends. He did- he knew she needed a support system as they had been through a lot these past few months. He couldn't always be there, and if he wasn't, he wanted her to have someone. But there was just something about how Ron looked at her and the way she looked up at him that rubbed him the wrong way. 

"You think those are good?" Dick asked as soon as he finished rattling off the names of the men who were chosen to go, turning when he received no response from his friend. He followed the path of Lewis's eyes, understanding his silence when he got a grasp of the scene. "Speirs!" He called, watching Ron's head turn up at the voice. "Get over here."

Ron jogged over (Y/N) at his heels, a light smile painted on her lips when she caught sight of Lewis. She stood next to him, smiling fading when he didn't look or greet her. "Sir." She spoke softly to get his attention, trying to keep the act that he was nothing more to her than a superior officer. Maybe in his coldness towards her, he was attempting the same thing. But then again, he had never acted like this, and that worried her. 

"You can go." Lewis finally spoke, eyes casting down to meet hers. His words had a bit of frustration, his hands forming tight fists in the pockets of his warm jacket. If she wanted Ron, he wanted nothing to do with her. 

With a quick nod, she turned to Dick and Ron, mumbling, "I'll be back at CP." Before heading back the way, she had come. She was immediately lost in her thoughts, trying to explain away Lew's behavior. She went through all of the conversations they had had recently, wondering if it was something she had said. When she couldn't remember any instance where she could have offended him, she moved on to things she had done and still couldn't find anything. 

With a sigh, she flopped onto the couch, flashing a quick, polite smile to Lip before thinking again. She hadn't even realized she had made it back to CP. Fingers tapping against the soft fabric of the arm of the couch as she let her head fall back, eyes following the patterns of the ceiling. What had she done? 

Minutes felt like hours as she continued her endless barrage of thoughts, only snapping when she heard the door open. Three sets of heavy footsteps entered, Lip standing to greet the men as they continued their earlier conversation about the patrol. (Y/N) stood when she saw Lew behind Dick, her heat starting to beat a little faster as she knew the only way to solve this would be to confront him. 

She took a deep breath before speaking. "Sir." She kept her voice steady, beads of sweat collecting on her palms. "May I speak to you in private?" She looked directly at Lew, so there was no confusion as to who she was speaking to.

"Yeah." Dick chimed in, looking between the couple. "You two go along; I need to find Sink anyway." And with that, he was gone, leaving Lew with no other choice than to follow (Y/N) outside. 

They both shivered as they stepped outside, the cold air floating under their scarves and hitting their bare skin. They walked for a few minutes in silence, Lew trailing slightly behind (Y/N) until they found a little corner to stand in for privacy. He stood, back against the cool bricks of a building, dark eyes steady on her. 

"Did I do something?" She asked, not wasting any time in getting to the conversation. "Because if I did.. I'm sorry, and I want to fix it. I don't want you to be upset with me." She tried to catch his eyes again when he started to look away. 

"If you-" Lew cleared his throat, not wanting her to hear the shakiness in his voice. "If you don't want to be with me if this is just something to get you through the war, tell me right now." 

"What?" She asked, features creased with concern, "No. I don't want that. Why would you even think such a thing?" 

He let out a breath, creating a white cloud over them as they stood in silence. "I saw the way you were with Speirs today." He finally spoke, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his chest. "And I know you don't look at me like that. I don't want to be your second choice when we get back to the states." 

"You think you're my second choice?" She asked, starting to understand why he was so upset. "It doesn't matter what part of the world I live in-, you'll always be my first choice. Speirs is nothing more than a friend, I promise. I don't want you to have to worry about me doing something like that to you because I won't. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable today; it wasn't my intention." She spoke with so much conviction; he almost forgave her on the spot. 

"I know what you want; you don't want me."

"Lewis." She spoke calmly, keeping her eyes on him as she wanted him to believe her. "I'm with you because I love you, not Speirs. If I wanted to be with him, I would. But I want you." 

He was quiet, taking a few moments to think about her words before nodding. He felt tears prick his eyes, realizing she truly loved him for who he was- even the bad. It had been a long time since he had felt that way, and he knew he was projecting his insecurities on her. She loved him as he loved her, and there was no reason to push her away.

"You mean that?" He asked, a large hand reaching out to grab hers. His skin tingled as theirs touched, his thumb stroking over her knuckles. He pulled his hand away for a brief second to pull her close and press a kiss to her lips before pulling her into a tight hug. 

"With my whole heart."

With a teary chuckle, he nuzzled his head into the crook of her neck; arms wrapped tightly around her as he tried to protect her from the cold. "You don't know how much I love you." He spoke into her scarf, words muffled by the soft fabric. "I've never loved anything more than you."

[damejanai]

Dameraji

2020.12.02

S: Today...

K: Ou

S: I was at the same job as kaito kun before this, which was unusual

K: Mmm

S: This is a continuation from what we were talking about just now but...

K: Mmm

S: I went to rewatch Dame x Prince

K: Oh!

S: Well... that show was crazy in a good way

K: Totally unthinkable right

S: You know, totally, i wanted to watch some comedies, and, i don't really rewatch the ones i was casted in but totally you know... episode 1..Nareku, who is voiced by Kaito kun

K: Mmm

S: Started doing ad-libs all the way

K: Right?

S: Hngh! Hngh! Hngh! Aannn! uuun!

K: That's totally un actor-like

S: You just went ahead and did it right? *laughs*

K: Hahahaa

S: Nobody asked for...

K: Since he was moving so much, as an actor, that's totally a sign for me to do something right?

S: Totally.. well, i, you know, I hope you take my words seriously but, Nareku was so funny

K: Right?

S: Hahahhaha, so pure!!

K: Hahhaa, well it's not only me who created Nareku

S: Well well yes, it was totally, i want to do it again, with that team

K: Well but it won't have a second season, probably

S: Don't say that!

K: No but! those who have watched it would understand, the story had closure

S: That's true

K: The princes also matured. Amongst the comedy, the princes had growth

S: True...

K: Are we able to... return to that? Hahahahaa

S: I.....will i be able to do Ryuze?

K: ....Ehhh you can!

S: well.....nanodesu (high pitched)

K/S: HAHAHAHA

K: You did it!

~~~

Script: The streets are slowly beginning to look like Christmas eh?

K: Roppongi, or rather Keyakizaka? That area is totally..

S: *giggling*

K: Ah!!

S: Stop it! Stop it! I have recalled it!

K: I remember now!

S: For the details, please refer to... it's already in the archives? no?

K: But it was like from last year end, or the beginning of this year

S: Those who are able to listen please do...I too was... two men alone...what are you looking at? stop it stop it

K: It's still flashing...

S: Stop it! seriously... come on..

K: It was from then on right?

S: Stop it stop it, Recently you know... this is not good! like... i think this was my fault but... what was it about "from then on"

K: From then on, we began, right?

S: AHHHHH! WAhhhhh!! Ever since you started YouTube, you unlocked that kind of thing

K: AHahhahaa no no, what began was that I started driving Soma s-..... *giggle*

S: Hahahahahaa Oi! You don't have to do year-end tax adjustment for that too!

K: Oops, nothing's.. different

S: You know... I.... stop it? While doing Dameraji, the way we do radio has changed also?

K: Uh-huh

S: So, over there, when we spill our hearts out.. it has.. the buddy relationship has deep---*giggle*

K: I wonder why.... we... everyone has been saying that about us from the beginning..

S: Well well yeah

K: We being a pair, well regarding that, there was also a time when it was toned down...

S: There was, totally

K: Me especially

S: Well well, because of that, it became like, we should distance ourselves more.. right?

K: Stopped going for drinks, and stuff, well in times like these, more so, but it started even before this happened

S: Yes yes

K: I want to have a drink now! (together)

S: Me too, totally, shall we? Like before the year ends.. For Christmas?

K: Shall we? HAHAHA

S: Wahhhh, like, we are craving something

K: Craving.... no, we want to throw something away i think

S: Hahaha

K: This is bad, Okay! So the business talk shall end here

S: Hahahaha

-----

~Fanclub~

S: * Talking a bout how the space FC is 440yen per month*

K: Wait a minute, is that price okay for you?

S: We thought about it over and over

K: That's unacceptable! come on! That many services and that price... makes my membership quality seem lower

S: Don't cut in before i'm done with this email, geez

K: But anyway, your FC is finally starting

S: Until now, i've done one concert, so from now on, if i am going to have concerts, or release CDs, we'd like to give fanclub members priority, and we also wanted somewhere to communicate with fans, so decided on the name, "space".

It's the pace of S

K: Oh, "space" doesn't mean that there is a space in between huh

S: No no no, the name of the FC is "space". When I/we thought of it, i realised that it could have different meanings. Like Soma Saito's space, or a space for everyone, or outer space

K: Space right?

S: So decided on this name, it would be great if it is a space created by everyone

K: Nice~

S: But it is still in the works... we will be trying different things so the contents might be changing. I felt that this one song a day recommendation, is quite amazing

K: Yea it is amazing totally, what's recommend?

S: *giggles* Um, like a song a day depending on my mood, or a book, everyday

K: Are you serious?! Crazy

S: This is totally....Well to make it a place where you would want to visit everyday

K: Wow... amazing! amazing! Wait wait can you list out the services you're providing again

S: Mail magazine, one recommendation a day, one person radio with video, and also, bonuses

K: Well, and also you're going to think of new things from now

S: Yes

K:....... That overlaps with mine

S: Wwww well there's one email here too, Ishikawa kaito has started membership on his YouTube channel

.

.

.

.

K: And also actually I also have an FC ahahaha

S: Who would have thought, this is a coincidence right

K: Well you know, when i saw the news that Soma san was going to launch his fanclub, i was actually already in midst of creating mine but, i panicked, and panicked, i thought, oh no!

S: Hahahahaa

K: And posted a video quickly

S: So, like i've heard alot about how Kaito kun was going to have membership on his channel, right?

K: Umm

S: Then i said, ooh this would be good too right... and stuff, while behind the scenes, i was actually planning my FC

K: And also like, you know our services overlap too

S: Hahahaa, what will you be doing?

K: I will be holding live streams every month for members, well probably it'll be like 2-3 times per month

S: Amazing!

K: Livestreams where i just talk casually. And on YouTube "community", i will be writing stuff that happened, like a blog, and also after events or event streamings, i have done some already, i would quickly film my reflections/comments on the events and just upload them

S: Ahhh i guess well you have the chance to talk about those on radio sometimes but everyone would be interested to listen to Kaito kun's feelings about your events right?

K: Yes yes, so i thought, "recommendations huh?"

S: Well well well, that would be a total rip-off wouldn't it

K: Everyday...

S: But for me, it's contradicting but, i have a lot of jobs where i have to write now, but, i'm a poor writer

K: Ooooh

S: Like, i feel that it is hard to write

K: Well because you have too many options

S: Don't know if it's that but, i was thinking about whether i would be able to continue my blog properly. Well but if people were to be paying for the fanclub and the writings are not that good, that wouldn't be ideal so i thought, maybe i could recommend something different everyday

K: I'm so afraid now hahahaa

S: Ishikawa san's membership, is it a monthly payment?

K: Yes.. i wonder how much it was but, i made it really cheap

S: Ahhh

K: I searched up the services and prices of the memberships of other YouTubers, and made mine around the middle quality type of services, and the price low. I am not doing music as well, so the videos i upload might not be viewed as "highly priced" and that would feel horrible so

S: Ahhh, true...

K: And I manage the YouTube myself so, when i have guests over, i might need, outfits and stuff

S: Uh huh..

K: Or certain equipment.. like if we were to be playing games together, I would need to buy the game so... the membership fees would go to that

S: Wow... that's awesome~~ When... shall i go?

K: So, what shall we do?

S: Wwwwww what kind of ... what kind of reaction is that?

K: I thought of asking Soma san on the channel, well we did one story reading before

S: Yes

K: So i do want you to come but, i can't think of anything to do!

S: Come on come on, you're saying that there's nothing to do, in front of me?

K: Coz, we could just do it here

S: Ahh, we should differentiate it from this, things we can do that are not done on Dameraji

K: Yes, if it's the both of us, it'll inevitably be this

S: Hahhaaa, i wonder what...?

K: What, reminisce about "Zankyou no Terror"?

S: wwwww

K: Hahahhaa

S: "AAHHHHHH!! Remember, us" ah that's nine's line

K: Why are you snatching away my line

S: I was already shot before that

K/S: AHHHHHHH

S: Dun dun dun, dun dundun!

K: Ahhh cries~ cries~, Those who have not watched "Zankyou no terror," please do!

S: And well i really want to go on your channel, and i've already told my agency about this

K: Really? Ahh but your manager was nodding just now

S: Yes so it's safe to say that, it's approved already

K: Oooooh, ok so next i'll think about, what we are going to be doing

S: Shoudn't it be opposte?

K: Yess

S: Let's discuss then

K: Let's discuss, we have an expert here too

S: Won't that be Dameraji then!

----

~Dameraji photo studio~

Topic: Take a photo where the two photos would look like they're part of one photo

[dakuryonn]

Hope you don't mind me asking but where did you come from? You know, before joining tumblr? I'm just curious.

You’re not going to like it, but before I migrated over here I was part of the Ask TERA FC/NPC group on V Kontakte. I’m still a member there but they will never figure out who I am. I will never give out any identifiers they can use to harass me on there or anywhere else. The only way they’ll ever be able to remove me is if they purge every single member on there lmao

The reason why I left them behind is because I didn’t agree with their overly toxic, elitist ideals and I didn’t get along with the others too well for those very reasons. They don’t accept art improvement advice nor critiques at all because they’re too fucking sensitive to handle any sort of criticism even if their art is shitty as Hell. And I’ll tell you another thing. They kiss each other’s asses all the damn time, refusing to accept the fact that a majority of their fc’s are fucking shitty due to the lack of creativity and solid backstory for them. Anyone who gets blunt with them by pointing out what they need to improve on are always treated like monsters even though the things they point out are absolutely correct and they always get banned because oh noes they hurt the special snowflakes’ feelings! Whatever shall we do?! GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK WITH THAT BULLSHIT. IF YOU DON’T WANT PEOPLE CRITIQUING YOUR ART THEN DON’T FUCKING POST YOUR ART ONTO THE FUCKING INTERNET BECAUSE IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN WHETHER YOU WANT IT TO OR NOT. They’re not going to last long in the real world if they can’t handle receiving critique online, because guess what, amigos?! ART CRITICS IN THE REAL WORLD WILL DO THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING TO YOU WHETHER YOU WANT THEM TO OR NOT, AND UNLIKE PEOPLE ONLINE, THEY WILL SHOW NO MERCY. WHAT’S MORE, IT’S THEIR ACTUAL FUCKING JOB. THAT’S RIGHT, YOU LITTLE DICKHEADS. YOU HEARD ME CORRECTLY. ART CRITICS ARE PAID TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOU ABOUT YOUR FUCKING ART. IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT FROM STRANGERS ONLINE, THEN YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT AS AN PROFESSIONAL ARTIST AT ALL. CONSIDER THE CRITICISM YOU RECEIVE ONLINE AS FUCKING TRAINING BECAUSE YOU’RE GONNA NEED AN ACTUAL FUCKING BACKBONE TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE THESE PEOPLE. All of those retards lack said backbone, and I always find it fucking hilarious with the way they react to people rightfully putting them in their place! HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Not only that but there were certain fcs on there that I found so fucking lame and boring beyond human comprehension, because those characters in particular were clearly created for the sole purpose of shipping them with a canon character. Soulless husks whose only purpose is to be used as their chosen canon partner’s sex toys. If you want to see some very good examples of how NOT to make a fan character for TERA, then look no further than the Ask TERA FC/NPC group. It’s an absolute gold mine of Mary Sues and Gary Stus that lack any personality and character development, just like their creators. I still visit it every now and then to point and laugh at them whenever I’m bored. Come to find out, a couple of the members had found themselves in some deep shit and you bet your ass I was going to be a nosy little fucker and find out what the Hell was going on. That’s how I found out about Fyregem and the others on here. My initial purpose for joining this site was to find out more about it, and after reading through every post about that conflict, my already dark heart towards my fellow group members went completely cold. I cast aside my past with them, and went on the attack in favor of their enemies. I feel no remorse for my actions, and I never will. I legitimately believe magus-imperator did nothing wrong by defending himself against those idiots because shit, dude! I would have done the exact same as him! What the fuck. I migrated here from a very toxic VK community to not only seek sanctuary, but to get revenge as well as to shit on anyone who shares the same toxic mindset as the retards back home. And I am here to stay.

[rebellionsrp]

hi ! i don't mean to come across as rude but the recs for the siblings of lady kassia don't necessarily fit bruna's ethnicity? they're all of brazilian nationality but not of the same ethnicity so i was a bit confused?

𝔦'𝔡  rather  know  if  i’ve  messed  up  when  it  comes  to  casting  the  correct  people  as  i  do  not  want  to  mix  up  anyone  or  white-wash  them  in  any  way !!   i  was  having  a  little  trouble  trying  to  find  sisters  that  could  work  for  her  siblings  so  i  went  searching  around  on  tumblr  for  previous  suggestions  i’ve  seen  for  family  suggestions  for  bruna  /  that  had  bruna  featured  and  some  of  those  had  come  up  (  fc  directory  i  used  for  help  -  question  i  used  to  help  me  figure  out  -  question  2  i  used  to  help  me  figure  out  )  so  i  just  went  with  similar  fcs ??  i  am  very  sorry  if  i  got  it  wrong  and  i  am  more  than  open  to  help  in  casting  the  correct  person  for  the  part  as  i’m  a  little  lost  in  who  to  suggest  for  you  !!

𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 to add onto this, seeing as how i’m the one playing kiyara, i started suggesting a lot of brazilian faceclaims because both as a person who has played bruna for a while in several different roleplays as well as someone who comes from a country similar to brazil as far as ethnic and racial makeup is concerned, i noticed that to find a faceclaim that matched her ethnicity exactly was a little difficult, especially when it came to faceclaims with plenty of resources, so i’d often just stick to half-siblings instead. i tried to recommend brazilian faceclaims because a lot of brazilians have similar ethnic backgrounds as her as she fits into the pardo brazilian demographic, which is common in the country and is considering latinx as she is from latin america. so, all this to say, we recommend brazilian faceclaims because finding an exact ethnic match for her is a bit rougher than it would be for a lot of other faceclaims but we are trying to find ones that are as close as possible and are more than open to any suggestions y’all might have for us !! for now, we’re going to continue to recommend brazilian and some other latinx faceclaims when it comes to her family members.