#i was minding my own goddamn business trying to draw pig tusks and this mental image SLAMMED into me

[crowsent]

so consider philza actually having 3 canon lives but he lost 2 before the smp plot even started

so how about an AU where techno “sbi is not canon” blade got adopted by philza when techno was in his early teens. im talking 13 to 14 years old, the rebellious teenage phase, and this lil piglin motherfucker is already almost at phil’s shoulder level and he doesnt listen to ANYONE

techno “teenage piglin who thinks he’s hot shit” blade just believes he can tank EVERYTHING. he can kill zombies, he can kill skeletons, he can kill endermen, this bastard isnt afraid of ANYTHING so of course he wouldnt listen to philza when hes told not to wander the caves at night. why the fuck should he listen to philza????? hes technoblade! he never dies!

so this lil dumbshit goes and sneaks out the house when philza’s asleep. grabs the nearest sword to the door and nothing else. armour is clanky, philza’s gonna wake up and techno’s gonna get grounded. so he just sneaks out with just a sword into the middle of the night and goes down into the caves like the rebellious lil teenage shit he is

and he gets lost

the caves are huge, he lost his bearings, and he has no idea how to get back home. he wanders around for HOURS trying to get back but he cant and his feet are getting sore and hes trying not to panic and trying even harder not to call for philza. he didnt bring any torches. its pitch black. nothing but the sound of bats, the occasional bubbling of lava, and the constant sound of mobs EVERYWHERE. every corner he turns theres a creeper, a skeleton, an enderman. and zombies. so. many. fucking. zombies. no matter how many times he beats them back, more always seem to just come from the shadows

techno “rebellious teenager” blade gets stuck at the bottom of a cave with a zombie horde

but hes fine. hes good at fighting. he can kill these zombies no problem. who gives a shit? the big ones hit harder but theyre slow and he can easily kill them with a few hits. the smaller ones are a fucking nuisance though. he tries and tries but theyre small and theyre fast and the cave is too dark and he cant see anything and hes getting swarmed

and his sword breaks

so techno picks a direction and runs, chased by a horde of tiny lil baby zombies. some with armour, some with weapons, all taking swipes at techno when he takes too long climbing up the rocks

and maybe techno finds his way to a ravine. he can see the sky up above, still dark, stars not even shining, but even if he found his way to open air, he cant get out. techno cant even fly. hes not like phil. so he climbs as best he can, little piglin hooves scraping against the rocks, trying to escape the horde of baby zombies reaching out for him. no weapon. no armour. literally defenseless

when people ask why techno instantly kills any baby zombie he sees, or why he’s so protective over phil, he just tells them that baby zombies are tougher than they look and changes the subject. phil makes a light joke out of it if he’s within earshot, but he knows the real reason, they both do

philza died

philza woke up in the middle of the night to find techno missing and IMMEDIATELY looked for him, finding him just in time in the ravine, with the lil baby zombies trying to kill him. and without hesitation, philza jumps down to protect his son and it. was. messy.

techno got out without losing a life, but philza wasnt so lucky

and that moment kind of. imprinted on techno? in many ways 1) never underestimate an enemy, even if its a tiny lil pipsqueak looking thing 2) he isnt as invincible as he thought which drove him to be more cautious/overprepare for every fight 3) philza died for him

philza is someone who was willing to lose a life to keep techno from losing one of his. even though they arent related by blood, philza loved him enough to shield him from the horrific process of respawning

and this is kind of the moment techno went “ride or die” for philza minecraft. absolute reciprocity. philza protected techno with everything he had, now techno will do the same

starting by utterly mauling the FUCK out of any and every baby zombie even remotely close to philza

techno would never say it out, but its kind of his way of apologising for that cave incident all those years ago, and as atonement for indirectly causing philza to lose one of his lives. philza tried telling him that he didnt need to do it, but techno is still a stoneheaded lil piglin shit so he never listens. its not as if he feels guilty or anything