#i was sick for like 3 weeks and thats why i haven't posted anything for these in a while

[cheolhub]

now that i have a minute of ur time (and mine bc ive been super busy), i want a mood board and playlist pls ilysm (also pls tell me im not too late)

also congrats on keeping ur blog for a whole year, im glad u haven't left me here to fend for myself w/o u

ofc ur not too late <333 even if u were late, i wouldve still made u one bc i would do anything for u 🙄 ilysm

MOODBOARD BASED ON YOUR VIBE!

you have always been the person i associate pink and black with. ur edgy (in a non cringe way but very sexy way) and ur an angel. ur my edgy angel 🥰 i couldnt decide which one of ur 19 biases 2 put so i just put blonde mark since ik ur obsessed with him 🤓 plus i saw u post him on ur story i think 67 times in the past week so

u get the wife treatment which means i’ve explained all the songs and even threw in an extra song for u. IK WE DONT HAVE THE SAME MUSIC TASTE BUT I HOPE U THINK SOME OF THEM ARE CUTE !! even tho they’re a bit mellow !! i love u <3

NOW PLAYING…

HON MIX 🖤

can also be called comfort mix 🤍

✦︎ cyberpunk — ATEEZ

ok i know this doesn’t fit this vibe but this is the first song that comes to mind when i hear ur name. the earliest memory i have of our friendship is you saying you made ur bf nut to this song and i was so gagged 😭 BUT THATS WHY THIS IS IN HERE

✦︎ ready to love — SEVENTEEN

I’M READY 2 LOVE !!!! i associate u with enormous amounts of love so why not one of seventeen’s prettiest, loviest (is that a word?) songs 🥰 also

✦︎ darling — mannequin pussy

the lyrics are just how i feel about you. it’s also a really pretty song, imo. you really are amazing tew me and when the sun shines, it shines for u 🫵

✦︎ backseat — ryan beatty

you are one of the people in this world i can come to with anything and i really love and appreciate you for that!!! so i think u deserve to have one of the songs i cry to every night

✦︎ superstar — pretty sick

this one genuinely just fit the vibe i was going for & also i just like it sm

✦︎ francis forever — mitski

THE LYRICS FOR THIS ONE ARE ALSO VERY !!!!!! HER FIRST WORDS ARE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT YOU AND !!!! YEAH !!!!! THATS HOW I FEEL ABT U

✦︎ iloveyou — between friends

this is bc iloveyou and i need to smoke a blunt with u in a romantic setting. i can be ur irl mark/vernon

✦︎ golden hour — mark

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 i just wanted to be funny here and end with a song that has a completely different vibe

[nathank77]

3/24/24

4:27 a.m

Why is my youtube so dead? I worked so hard on my videos and I have over 160.. I also have achievement hunting and a wide range of different kinds of games.

I mean beyond that my tags are good. I learned the right way to tag. I even posted myself on true achievement.

I have been having random anxiety.. at first it started with my eyes like what if I lose control over one or something bc of a tactile..then I started to think about what the real anxiety was about. I'm anxious about going to my dad's but I jsut won't go tomorrow if I don't sleep well or at all. I'm a little worried about sleep. I'm worried about talking in my sleep but I'm not going to look into it or talk to my Dr about it I don't want to lose my Xanax... to her I sleep like a baby.

I'm going to start my lie... reporting Kristen doesn't mean I can't lie and say I recovered. The only people who have to release information for my report, is Elise, Mike, Erin and Kristen. That's it. So soon I won't hear Behavioral Health anymore.

Although I'm worried about how the conversation will go but I'll just make sure she knows I have almost normal thyroid levels I'm hypo and I have tried to sleep without the drugs many nights and I can't cause of my insomnia and xanax works great and had saved my life.

I think I have anxiety about all the things I have to do although that's coming to an end April 1st minus Kristen... but yea all the incessant drs appts will go down to my t shot and therapy. Minus one ultrasound and a dentist visit I'll reschedule If I have to.

I feel like I have anxiety about nothing and everything at the same time.

I know I'm sick of hallucinating. I've been so productive I haven't gamed since last Sunday... I'm going to game this Sunday... I just haven't seen much of a point.. no one watches my hours are at 12! In 28 days! Thats it. Despite my wide range of content.

I feel like I'm always being attacked by my hallucination. I'm a little worried white mulberry will make it worse but it's a fucking tree extract it's not like I am on antipsychotics.

I'm anxious I'm going to spend every night alone until I end my life. No one swipes on me... no one likes me for me.

I guess overall I feel very unfulfilled with everything in my life. And idk why I'm fighting.

Actually I do, I love myself too much to kill myself. I have tried and I can't fucking do it. I can't kill someone I love this much. I wish I hated myself bc then there would be some mercy but I don't hate myself.

I don't even dislike myself. I hate my brain chemistry but it doesn't define the silly dorky guy I am. I hate that I'm dorky but at the same time it's everyone's else fault they won't give a nerd a chance. I'm pretty awesome glasses and all..

Either way I'm entirely unfulfilled in my life. I watched movies with my mom and I hardly hallucinated then I came in my room and I've been hallucinating just a little bit too much and when I check things and count its like it gets more intrusive or louder... but it doesn't really get louder just more intrusive.

All I know is it's exhausting trying so fucking hard and dealing with this chronic hallucination. I haven't even had one day this week I got to stay in the house. I have Sunday to look forward too... and then 4 days of back to back things to leave the house for. Then new Hampshire since I smoke like a chimney either Friday or Saturday..

I wish I could meet someone, I wish I would stop hallucinating. I wish I wasn't so God damn alone. I wish my brain would stop attacking me 24/7 and give me back my old life in which I'd appreciate so much more if I grow old alone...

So yea. I'm unfulfilled. Anxious and my hallucinations is a bully that lives inside me and even though it isn't scary, smart and it doesn't say much more than happy birthday and my dead name, I mean I feel constantly attacked everything I hear happy birthday or anything. I try not to think so I don't hallucinate my own thoughts...

Sometimes I imagine happy birthday or other things it says and I know if it ever stops I'm going to be traumatized just as much as I am now.

Today when I was with my mother I had a few flashbacks of the earlier days as I spent a lot of time with my mom bc I was so scared all the time. I def have ptsd from it. And it won't stop.

And once it does, I'm going to think happy birthday and it's going to be chronic flashback.

My ptsd isn't why I hallucinate... but nonetheless I def have flashbacks. I don't really have other symptoms. I just have flashbacks to everything that happened and this never ending hell that hasn't stopped and I fear never will.

What if it doesn't? What if I spend my life alone? I truly love myself too much to kill myself. Eventually in a few years if I'm still single and hallucinating, I will mercy kill myself but I'll cry about killing myself. About killing someone I love so much who had so much to give and tried so hard and just wanted his shitty old life back.

It'll be awhile.im incredibly unfulfilled and I look at that chart for the "short term" recovery from psychosis and its 36 months...

36 months is considered short term. I mean I'm almost at chronic on April 10th it's good chronic doesn't mean I'll never recover. All I know is hallucinating and microsleep gave me flashbacks.

[milascenta]

June 26th 23:38

I apologise for the late post, I've had a cold all week. Thats why I haven't streamed since sunday lol. My nephew had a party and one of his friends came over, and he walked in like a lil patient 0 all coughy and rubbing his nose on his sleeve haha. I took one look at him and went yeah I'm getting sick. Sunday stream was so great and I'm so glad I could at least take you out of your mind for a lil bit, I will be streaming on Wednesday 9pm (your birthday) and will try to get more consistent with it too.

I'm glad you felt a lil better to write to me though, you don't have to push yourself right now, just focus on you and what your body is telling you. Take time to feel so you can heal. Its ok for your sleep and eating to get disrupted, its completely normal and is really just your body trying to come to terms with everything, and it will pass I promise. Please if anything gets worse, promise you'll seek more appropriate help, I can't help further than what I can you know. Please talk all the nonsense you want, I'll listen. I'm so sorry you have to do everything alone, that really isn't fair, this is meant to be a time for the opposite. I really glad you had your cousin with you at least for a lil bit to collect some things, he sounds like a good dude and the doggy sounds amazing too, I'm glad they give so much love and affection at the right times (dogs seem to really know that kinda stuff)

Its ok to feel like crumbling like that, I'd find it odd if you didn't you know. It really is one of those moments where you truly don't know yourself until you're in it, so I completely understand all of the emotions brought up. Again I'm really glad you had your cousin there with you, I wish I could have been there too, to support you. I'm also glad you got to feel overwhelmed by the emotions and he did too (that might sound weird idk), I'm glad you didn't just bottle them up. It sounds like you picked the exact right thing for him to wear, and I bet he looks badass too. The undertaker sounds good too, very professional and know how to deal with these things. I like that he helped you figure out what to do, I can't imagine how hard it would be to have to figure it all out. I really hope everything worked out with the flowers and the registry. I know they'll be beautiful and fitting, because you picked them. I know it will be hard, I wish I could be there to help you through the little things too.

Of course your hair is beautiful, it suits you so well. It frames your face and of course the colour, need I say anything hehe. Omg the scratchy stage for tattoos SUUCk, I have one on the back of my arm and when it was healing I remember waking up one day and it sticking to the bed sheets and literally leaving an imprint, like full colour and lines just right there, I had to pull myself off haha, didn't hurt though or damage the tattoo must have been a bit of the excess ink drying to the sheet lol. I hope yours is healing more now and out of that annoying stage. Ooo 3 more too thats exciting, I know they'll be good. I love small tattoos too, I know they'll do him justice, and I hope they provide you with a lil peace too. I'm sorry your mother thinks that, thats so stupid lol, you're not ruining anything and the idea that you are is kinda stupid too, more stupid that she seems to care more about your skin/hair then everything else, but I'll restrain myself from talking more about it. Its yours and you can do whatever you want.

We're on a small break from gigging with the band till september, which is good, gives me time to properly assess how its going and focus on other things. I honestly don't really know the direction its going, plateauing or not, but yeah gives me some time to think about it.

Thank you for coming to my stream again, you weren't too chatty at all, in fact that was what helped talk for so long haha. (also its good for the algorithm hehehe) I was just going off you and the game. I'm sorry I haven't been streaming too much though. I really wanted to stream all week but couldn't really. I feel my perfectionism is really holding me back from it too, but I'm glad I've done at least one because that took a lot of the pressure off it. But I will power through it for Wednesday, I'm gonna start a new Cyberpunk playthrough, ready up for Phantom Liberty dlc which looks AMAZING, and I remember you said you got addicted to it during covid too. Then I'll go back to more tentacle god and alternate a bit. Though weird thing with Cyberpunk is hat OBS hates playing it and having my facecam on, so my facecam just turns off randomly, I have no idea why, my only thought is that Cyberpunk hogs my CPU so maybe its not enough for the camera, idk, so no camera while I play Cyberpunk but ESO and other things should be fine.

I'm so glad you got to finally see Chonky and how she acts, its hard to explain her to someone without them seeing so I'm glad you saw her. She looves belly rubs but also looves latching on to arms with her claws at random moments too. I play hardcore and really roll the dice by my putting my face into the floof and giving her raspberries which she finds amusing.

Its not weird reading through these, if it comforts you then do it. I write these for you so they're yours.

Yes Little Hell is one of my all time favourite albums, Silver and Gold, We found each other in the dark, some of my favourite songs. I will say Bring me Your Love is my favourite by him though, What Makes a Man has a hold on my heart and soul forever, and speaks to me on too many levels haha. I just love how he's this hardcore icon in Alexisonfire, covered in tatts and sings some of the most heart-wrenching poetic music, I love it when that happens with people haha.

Don't feel guilty for celebrating, I completely understand why though. But you need to, for you, and for him. He would want you to do what ever makes you happiest and without concern. I know it will be hard. But its normal to feel what you're feeling, it will be a range of emotions. Don't let it stop you from feeling positive as well.

I hope you can get to sleep a bit easier, I hope these messages help you sleep and take you mind off things. Happy birthday soon, I'll write again soon too.

"I fell straight Into your arms Like a drunk Who's been on it All morning"

[worfs-fabulous-hair]

I'm finally not sick anymore time for star trek baby !

Series I'm currently on : TOS

Episodes watched:

01x21- 01x22

Episode names:

The Return of The Archons

Space Seed

Thoughts:

The Return of the Archons

Guys in robes with giant sticks walking incredibly slowly towards sulu and another officer while their dressed in colonial clothing.

The other officer tripped while running and hit his head really hard on concrete and I'm surprised his head wasn't cracked open

Sulu is delusional in yet another episode

" the red hour" in which everyone rages real hard

This man meets the landing party and immediately goes "these guys are not who they say they are "

The call it red hour but it lasts 12 hours

The big stick boys are back and the sticks are magic wands that blast out sparks and smoke and then you die

"do what we say" "no " "fuck well now we're out of moves "

The guy didn't die and the sticks do nothing he just passed out because the stick boys told him to

The entire town has sticks and is chasing the landing crew because they have been possessed (again)

The enterprise is going down

This bitch showed up like Jesus

Oof they dead

Not really cause y'all know how this works by now

Ye ole jail

McCoy is gone

I'm pausing to bake something.

McCoy has been brain washed

He's speaking like a preacher after he's finished the passages from the bible for the week

Kirk is now to be brain washed

So the third man mentioned earlier in passing helps Kirk and Spock, gives them weapons and now they have to pretend their brainwashed

Spock having to smile in order to pretend he's brainwashed: " this is the most unnatural thing I have ever done "

Brainwashed McCoy trying to figure out what the others are talking about :

Wizard of oz plot again

Landreux is basically a dalek

" you go against your own prime directive and your evil you therefore based on your own words you should be destroyed" then the thing fucking explodes

" sorry I killed your boss you might want to lose the robes and start looking for another job"

Then there's sulu back on the ship telling someone to get their ass out of his chair becuase he's fine now even though he went completely psychotic for over 24 hours

"You'd make a great computer Mr. Spock " " why thank you captain that's a tremendous compliment "

He does become a computer in later episodes I know about that because I've seen that episode a bunch

The second episode's under the cut.

Space Seed

They find a space ship from the 90s that may or may not be inhabited by aliens

These bitches been listening to that damn alarm for an hour ?

Botany bay ! BOTANY BAY !

I like how this lady exists on board the enterprise and most definitely does not expect to have to deal with anyone like at all because she's a historian for the late 20th century

Also everyone has been kinda rude-ish towards Kirk for not know this one crew members name properly which in all fairness did kinda know her name. And like this is the first time he hasn't known someone's name properly in a crew of 400 people, cut him some slack I definitely wouldn't know everyone's names.

Sparkly gold thot suits for the cryo sleep

Kahn's waking up

This lady seems sus

I think shoving someone out of cryo sleep is the worst thing you could do while their defrosting waking up. Even if they are dying .

72 people damn

Spock : " captain, this shits not adding up "

The medbay sheets don't look very comfortable

He's got an oompa loompa bob

" kill me bitch I don't care " - doctor Lenard McCoy ??/??/2265

Like he legit told him to split open his jugular

" what was the nature of your mission " " oh no ! I'm feeling faint I should sleep "

Kahn's so rapey when he interacts with women

This dinner party is so awkward

Not only is he really rapey he is now about to break this ladies hand

This lady is so strange like she's known Khan for less then a day and he's been nothing but creepy towards her but she's in love with him , this is one of those times that I really question writers from back then .

Spock when the guys talk about how they admire Khan for being a dictator that ruled most of Asia :

Also if Khan is supposed to be south Asian why did they cast Benedict Cumberbatch in star trek : into darkness

Like I get that back then they probably wouldn't have casted someone who was Indian becuase it was the 60s and star trek was already pushing it with uhura and sulu but like why not in the remakes ???

Why did kahn give the men clothes to change into from the thot suits and not the women

He cut off the the life support to the bridge then kidnapped everyone when they passed out from lack of oxygen

Violent racism

He's so mad that everyone is so willing to die

"we just do the good ole flood anesthesia gas through the air vents trick "

" I have five times your strength " " and I have a blunt object "

I love fight scenes in star trek their so funny

This woman has barely known Khan for a day and she's ready to go with him to a new planet for exile instead of just going jail

[n7punk]

I literally rush to Ao3 to see what was the name of the college AU where drunk kissing happens so I could ask if that's the one. Low and behold you've already made the TOHT series page to stop us from guessing.

i thought it might be obvious what i was working on with the tagline after the series title, but i also knew it was super random to be returning to a fic from two years ago.

the anniversary of toht starting is on the 29th, so I'm probably going to post the first chapter of 'silenced words & daydreams' then. i think its going to be like 3-4 chapters (since im already on chapter 3 and haven't hit everything yet, but im also not that far in).

toht is probably my fic i've returned to the second most, after ditm (and, incidentally, those are the ones ive done edits of, though the toht edit was a lot more minor than the ditm one, not adding anything and preserving the phrasing & styling that i now wouldn't use because its confusing at times but... thats part of the fic, and that fic is seared in my brain, so i don't want to change it). i did a reread while i was sick last month and it got me thinking about all the Thots i had for the verse that i never wrote so... here we are.

i've been working on novels lately (wrote one, revised an old one, and started a third one in the last three months) but i've been working on catradora fic a little here and there. i had the OotW fics i posted recently, i have three au addition fic wips, and ive... ahem... 'gathered research' for another (not to mention i still have like 4 new au ideas and a whole list of OotW ones). don't know when any of these wips will be done/ready (one dates back to last summer.....), but catradora definitely never left my mind, i've just had other projects on the forefront.

oh god please no XD for the past few months, ive been turning anon on for like, the week i post a fic and then turning it off to not get random ones. i also just turn it off whenever i'm fatigued because it greatly reduces the number of messages i get (not that i mind messages, they just take energy and i dont always answer). though i am fatigued right now, i turned it on to give people options to guess because i wanted to see how long it would take :P

i will say, one thing that has changed is i haven't really had interest in writing smut in... a long time. so its not likely to show up much for the time being. that's been seen in a lot of my fics this year, though. ive had more interest in writing stuff that is rated T or M rather than outright E, so the hornies are just gonna have to wait more. sometimes its part of a plot so it still shows up, but i just haven't been interested. that's also why i haven't returned to the Do It For Me series despite having a whole list of ideas for it, because most of them would definitely be rated e.

[sonicboomseason3]

Hi, I can relate. Just feeling down atm ): Many, many problems going on. I haven't send an ask to anyone in agessss. Hmm. I guess my question would be - what are your thoughts on the new Sonic Prime trailer? I've been a fan of Boom since it was first announced but I will always love Boom. A guy can balance multiple (yet similar) favourite shows! :)

hi, thanks for writing in!! ......why did i type that i sound like a podcaster doing a q&a session

anyway i was pretty excited to just have something after months of not getting anything, so even if it was short and still a teaser rather than an actual trailer, i really liked it!! the visuals, animation, and fight choreography are sick and i already ADORE deven mack as sonic <3 ive also always been a sucker for stories about multiple universes so im just really looking forward to prime in general

though im going to go off on a bit of a tangent here so dont read if you dont want to hear this: ive been growing weary of shadow discourse for a while but this teaser was really the catalyst to me realizing just how much i fucking hate all the arguments that surround his character! id be lying if i said that certain peoples reactions werent a major factor contributing to the already shitty week i was having. inb4 im not trying to disrespect anyone or their opinions whatever they may be so please dont take this as a personal attack but i truly despise how sonic and shadow cant fight for 5 seconds on screen (with no context!) without this widespread panic that hes just going to be a pointless rival. you know, even though he and sonic have always fought? because their personalities clash? because they have different methods of handling problems that arise? theyve BEEN fighting aklsdjflas the only time shadow fought sonic just to spite him was in boom and boom!shadow does not count. say what you want about boom!shadow but he does. not. count. other medias like sonic x and idw all had them fight with actual stakes involved which is perfectly fine and normal and how conflict usually works

at this point i just want sega to come out and explain their entire agenda with shadow post-06 is (as well as how they see him in comparison to everything before that) like i know thats not gonna happen and obviously it wont stop people from disagreeing with the direction theyve taken him in (and again its fine if they do), but at least everyone could finally be on the same page. because with the way things currently are, theres no way someone can give their opinion on how they perceive shadows character (no matter what it is or how much evidence they have to back it up) without being called media illiterate by people who have just as easily disputable interpretations. i personally would love to talk extensively about how i see him and explain why that is the case but i wont because i dont want annoying people setting off my anxiety by accusing me of not understanding the fictional hedgehog <333

(yes i know this applies to pretty much all of the sonic characters at this point but shadows the big one and also relevant dont @ me)