#i wish i could just move out fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

[graveyarrdshift]

every day I wake up and realize I hate my family more than I thought I did the previous day

[scaryscarecrows]

Living Dead Boy

Aftermath of the 'Roots and Leaves' arc. All you really need to know is that Sheila Haywood happened. Jason needs a hug. And a therapist, but let's be real, Gotham's mental health field is not safe.

Jason knows something’s wrong when he wakes up coughing, collarbones aching from doing it lying down, and tastes dirt and decay in his mouth.

And Mom’s here. That’s probably bad.

At least, he thinks it might be. But he can’t place the why.

The coughing is not stopping and he finally sits up, half-gagging and feeling mud frothing at the back of his throat. What’s happening?

“Mom?” he says, or tries to say-the mud (somethin’s moving back there s’wiggling and tickling his uvula). But she gets it, turns around with a tired smile and wow, she hasn’t looked this healthy in…in…he can’t remember.

“Jayjay.” Her fingers are freezing, when they touch his head. Freezing and heavy and limp like a dead fish. Maybe the heat’s out again. “My sweet boy.”

Yeah, heat’s out. That’s all. He coughs again, shifting the wiggling thing forward a little bit for a second or two. Mom gets that frown between her eyebrows like she always got when he was sick.

The cold fingers move gently through his hair, nails scritching against his scalp and sending chills across his skin. He doesn’t feel good. It’s hard to breathe.

The wiggly thing squirms against the roof of his mouth and he pulls a hand, heavy and numb, up to his lips to try and pull it out. It’s squishy between his fingers and he feels it start to come, long and slow like a mucus strand, before Mom shakes her head and taps his fingers until he lets go. It squirms back down his throat.

“No, baby, that’s gotta stay there.”

“But-”

“I’ve missed you.” She sits down and strokes his cheek. “Oh, baby, I’ve missed you so much.”

He’s missed her too, which is strange, because didn’t he just see her? He could have sworn…they got lunch, just last week…

Didn’t they?

Now that he had it halfway out, the wiggly thing is really annoying. And it’s not the only thing moving in him-he can feel things skittering between his ribs and behind his eyes. What’s wrong with him?

“Mom?”

Sheila, with half her head missing, tousles his hair.

“Hey, kid.”

Huh?

Her remaining eye, red with a blue center, locks on his throat. Before he can ask why, she’s got her fingers there, gently squeezing, and it feels like…like she’s squeezing a bean bag, but he’s the bean bag. Mud forces itself up the back of his throat and onto his tongue, gritty and bitter, and something tickles for a minute before it digs free.

It’s a beetle. He can feel it scurrying around behind his teeth before squeezing through his lips and running on down his chin and over the hollow of his throat before digging back into him, just above his collarbones.

“Mom-”

“Welcome home, Jason.”

The beetle burrows into his lungs, pincers cutting through the tissue, and he coughs. Sheila’s fingers tighten, forcing bits of dirt down his throat and up into his mouth and he can’t breathe-

“-son. Master Jason.” Mm… “Wake up, now.”

Huh…?

He’s still coughing, that’s for sure-harsh, agonizing horsey-noises that have him half-arching off his bed. His body aches and he’s freezing, skin prickly-painful despite the fact that he’s…naked…what? No, he had pajamas on when he went to bed, he knows that, where are they what happened-

“You need to calm down, young sir, before you hit your head.” The words don’t quite register but the tone does and he stops thrashing, wonders when he started. “That’s better.”

A mental check says that his sheets are still in place, his sweats are down around his ankles somehow, and that he doesn’t feel sticky and gross and sore. So. Odds are good that he disrobed himself, somehow, at some point. All right. That’s. That’s all right.

He still can’t breathe. Why can’t he pull in a full breath, why does it feel like he’s got six feet of earth on his chest-

“Can you open your eyes for me?”

The tone, quiet and unconfrontational yet still tinged with steel, dances around his brain and he does as asked. He’s still in his own bed, and a glance towards the floor reveals his Batgirl shirt, tangled and inside-out. Further glances reveal Alfred.

Wait. Alfred? Great, this is still a dream, and it’s going to suck.

He opens his mouth, intending to start his wake-up mantra (or try for it) and starts coughing again, lungs twisting and tensing. Firm hands ease him upright and prop him up for a few moments until the coughs die off.

“Alfie?”

“Perhaps you should not have, ah, flown the coop quite so soon, sir.”

Any idea to play the stoic takes one look at the situation and hurls itself from the window, middle fingers in the air, screaming ‘fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck this I’m OUT’.

“I don’ feel so good.”

A glass flits across the corner of his eye and a straw is pressed against his lips. Apple juice. It’s cold, too, a step from frozen the way he always liked it, and it feels like the nectar of the gods going down his throat.

“I’m not surprised.” This could be bad. “Back down.”

Another pillow has appeared out of nowhere and he’s now propped up higher than he’d like, but he can breathe. A little. The persistent tickle at the back of his mouth is gone, anyway.

“You’ve given everyone a bit of a fright, sir.” Everyone’s got their talents. “Three days without seeing hide nor hair of you triggered mild family panic.”

Everyone he knows is a stalker. Dick gets a freebie, because Bruce is the biggest creeper of them all and he didn’t have a chance, but Barbara? The Replacement? They have no excuse.

“Didn’ realize I was sick,” he mumbles, pulling a hand out of the blankets and only just remembering that he can’t quite pick up the glass. He has Dummy Cups, got some early on just in case, but this is one of his regular ones, the ones with 1950s-style fruit graphics on them. Alfred, thankfully, gives him another sip without having to be asked.

“Mm.”

It’s not his fault, he tells himself, even as he opens his mouth and rasps, “Sorry, Alfred.”

And he is. Well. He’s sorry for (presumably) worrying Alfred. Everyone else can go die in a fire.

Alfred combs his fingers through sweat-stiff bangs and makes a displeased noise.

“A shower, I think, is our first order of business.”

* * *

The shower wipes him out. He doesn’t know when it happened, but at some point he got clean sheets on his bed and he is grateful when he crawls in between them, tongue jammed against the roof of his mouth to try to keep his coughs at bay.

Now, in that awful drowsy state between sleep and awake, his brain’s running again, throwing up images of Mom and Sheila and Harley Quinn with her makeup tear-ruined and screaming, you took my Mistah J away from me!

At some point, she turns to Sheila, blood and brain matter plunking accusingly onto the rug, and then she falls, arm bouncing cold and dead with a syringe still held loosely in stiff fingers.

He feels lousy. His head hurts. His lungs hurt, too, and he’s selfishly relieved that Alfred’s here. Getting up and actually making food, or even calling for delivery, is too much.

It’s the least you deserve, Sheila hisses in his ear, slender surgeon’s fingers wrapping around his neck. He shakes his head and pulls away, pretends he doesn’t feel the hot, sticky marks she leaves behind.

It’s a few hours later, when he’s had a mug of chicken soup and is honestly close to falling asleep and playing dead for a year, that Alfred picks up his coat.

“I need to be getting back, Master Jason.” Oh. Right. “I presume I am correct in that you do not wish to return with me?”

Hell no.

He nods, regrets it a second later, and only feels a little guilty at the barest exhale a few feet away.

“I will return at noon tomorrow to ensure your continued survival.” And there’s where Bruce gets his dramatic streak. “Until then, is there anyone you may contact should things go…poorly?”

“My neighbor.” He swallows around the sudden lump. “Four-oh-six, Mz. Melinda May. She’ll probably be by soon anyway.”

“I will inform her of the situation, then.”

“S’okay, you don’t-” The look he gets makes his insides shudder. “T’anks.”

He’s screwed now.

Alfred does not realize the dreadful thing he’s about to do, or maybe he doesn’t care. Whichever it is, he finishes putting on his coat, fusses with Jason’s blankets, and cups his face.

“You will call me, or another person of your choosing, if you require assistance,” he says seriously. “Is that quite understood?”

“Yes.”

“Good boy.” He straightens up. “I will see you tomorrow, Master Jay. Pleasant dreams.”

And then he’s gone, turning off the main lights and leaving Jason with a large travel mug of ice water and a bottle of cough syrup they both know he’s not going to touch. He should get up, he knows, make sure everything’s locked, but…

He trusts Alfred to lock the door, and he’s tired.

He makes a pillow stack as low as possible while still being effective and rolls onto his side, back to the wall. And then he sees it-the more loved than he’d ever admit Robin Bear. Dick had gotten it for him, partly as a gag gift and partly because, well, Dick, when he was twelve. He’d scoffed, insisted he was too old for a teddy bear, and ended up clinging to it for dear life the first time he got a syringeful of fear toxin. When Alfred had snuck it onto his bedside table, he has no clue.

He reaches over, rubs his fingertip across the stitched nose. He’d forgotten about it, to be honest, what with…with everything.

If he pulls it into his arms and presses his forehead between the ears, well, he’s sick. Fuck off.

THE END

[alittlebittersweet]

reading snk #6: chapters 85-95

i have a lot of feelings okayyyy

'first of all... the survey corps is now... just the nine of us here?' DAMN THAT'S SO TRAGIC ;___; WE LOST SO MANY GREAT CHARACTERS ALONG THE WAY

'you've been entrusted with erwin's life, as well as the power of the titans' sooooo... no pressure armin

those panels of eren and mikasa standing in front of their old house as kids and as teenagers i'mma cry

THEY'RE GOING TO THE FUCKING BASEMENT I CAN'T BREATHE

it's a wrong key... oopst just kidding, it's empty... oopst just kidding

do you think it's funny i almost had a heart attack @ isayama

'wall maria has been retaken' yaaaaaaaay it's such a bittersweet victory

a photo of grisha's first wife and... zeke???????

'humanity has not perished' ok i figured as much not because of imir's flashback but back when we found out about annie and reiner and bertolt's hometown and even earlier when i found out there were three walls and they had no idea what was beyond them, but i expected something more in terms of a post-apocaliptic world, not an entire fucking civilization

grisha's backstory... blatant ww2 references idk how i feel about that

and they have zeppelins???? the fuck

what the fuck did that man do to his sister???

the history of eldia and marley... so eren and co are on the paradis island

THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE RN

(i could probably write an entire essay about the parallels to the real world, but it's not a place for this, this was supposed to be just me liveblogging and posting random thoughts and reactions goddd, i'm not sure how i feel about this story suddenly turning into a modern morality tale)

NINE TITANS? DO THEY MEAN SPECIFICALLY TITAN-SHIFTERS??? ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE ARE ONLY NINE OF THEM? WHAT

'his name was zeke' DUH

oh and the marley government had seven of them

so i guess: eren has two (grisha's and frieda's) armin annie reiner zeke zeke's pet friend ymir

there's still one more we haven't seen yet could it be someone still behind the walls??? i cannot take another betrayal

'we are sure to see an age where military power backed by fuel determines the state of the world' it doesn't ring a bell AT ALL

'the ten of millions of titans that sleep inside the walls will surely flatten the entire earth' damn king fritz was not playing around

ZEKE BETRAYED HIS OWN PARENTS OH MY GOD

THIS IS THE PLACE FROM YMIR'S FLASHBACK AHHHHH SO THAT'S WHAT IT WAS

they're turning them into titans so that they can murder their own people jfc

oh the santa titan was one of grisha's friends...AND DINA WAS THE SMILING TITAN THIS IS SO FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that guy is the owl! and he's one of the titan-shifters and his name is eren!!!

'whoever inherits the power of the nine titans will die in thirteen years' WHAT THE FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

DINA WAS OF ROYAL BLOOD AND EREN COULD USE THE COORDINATE POWER ONLY WHEN HE TOUCHED HER HMM

THE ATTACK TITAN SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN THE TITLE DROP

'everyone has a phase like this' and then a panel of eren looking like an old man my heart hurts

HERE IT COMES YMIR'S FLASHBACK... BUT IT'S ACTUALLY A LOVE LETTER ;___;

EREN IS PROTECTING HISTORIA ;______;

'if you want to save them all mikasa armin and the others carry out your mission to the end' hmm what this is a very interesting quote tbh kinda reminds me of the very first scene in the manga

ONE YEAR PASSED? WHOA

THEY'RE GOING OUTSIDE TO SEE THE OCEAN ;_______;

'that glittering time of carefree dreams had already come to an end' wtf they were happy for like 5 minutes, give them a break ffs i want to see them being carefree :(

okayyyyy, starting chapter 91... WHAT IS HAPPENING???

middle east union, seriously? so isayama is really going there

ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME? 4 YEARS??? THAT MEANS EREN HAS ONLY 4 YEARS TO LIVE NOOOOOOPE

are those kids a new generation of ~the warriors~? poor them they don't know what they're getting themselves into oh and they are clearly brainwashed too

NEW TITAN? WHO IS THAT?

daaaaaaaamn reiner looks so good with his scruff

OH MY GOD HOW DOES EREN LOOK LIKE NOW? AND THE OTHERS?? THEY'RE FOUR YEARS OLDER NOW ARE WE GONNA SEE FLASHBACKS????

they're using mindless titans to fight that's so fucked up

what's next? titans falling from the sky - levi's nightmare is real

'walls disgust me' oh no you didn't, reiner

the inverted map i cannot

'by the administration of your spinal cord fluid into your companions thy turn into titans and they do whatever you say after hearing your scream and even if the moon appears they are able to move during the night. for generations this ability was never presnt within a beast titan' SO THAT'S WHY IT'S BECAUSE OF HIS ROYAL BLOOD ISN'T IT?

ahhhhh so eren and armin were defending the island for 4 years

'my mistake was underestimating those weapons' muhahahaha i need levi vs zeke round 2 stat, lmao he's really scared of the ackermans

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK IS YMIR DEAD?????? DID ISAYAMA JUST KILL HER OFFSCREEN? THE FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  ;_____________;

AND NOW MARCEL'S BROTHER HAS HER TITAN, THE STORY CAME FULL CIRCLE

IT'S A GIRL SHE'S THE PET TITAN SHE WAS IN HER TITAN FORM FOR TWO MONTHS STRAIGHT SO SHE FORGOT HOW TO WALK JFC

so... liberio is reiner's hometown goddddddddd this is too much and gabi is his cousin of course that's why he's trying to save her

DID I JUST... CRY BECAUSE OF REINER'S SPEECH AT THE DINNER? ;_____;

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY DIFFERENT VARIETY OF PEOPLE? THEY'RE ALL BAD RIGHT?' OH MY GOD GABI THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKING

REINER'S FLASHBACK IS SO SAD POOR BRAINWASHED KIDS

'won't something happen?' omg eren be careful what you wish for

'the teiber family controls the power of the warhammer titan' SO THE NINTH TITAN IS REVEALED!!!

oh okay so reiner's dad is a scumbag

REINER WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AND THEN MARCEL SAVED HIS LIFE

AND PEOPLE IN THE COMMENTS JUST INFORMED ME THAT EREN IS ALREADY THERE HONESTLY I READ IT ALL SO FAST I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE HIM BUT HE'S THERE THEY ALREADY INFILTRATED LIBERIO OH MY GOD ! ! !