#i wish i could not be fucked up and i could fix everything dor you and it would all be okay

[crowary]

Oof watch out for the tags

[wooziscollarbones]

Over Your Head; Pt 2

Pairing: HanHoon (WoozixJeonghan) Rating: NC-17  Genre: Romance, a little drama I guess, slight slight angst, age gap Warnings: Age gap (Both characters are of age), suggestive material, student/teacher; Smut in this chapter Part: 2/2 Word count: Roughly 2.4k

In which Jeonghan is a 28 year old professor and Jihoon is his 21 year old student that he has known his whole life. Oh also, Jihoon really wants the D and Jeonghan is losing his chill.

Prompt credit to @otpisms

Prompt: -Imagine your OTP have known each other through family since they were young. Person A is attending the university that Person B is a professor at, and taking all of their courses to purposely mess/flirt with them.

It’s late when Jeonghan gets home. He’s spent the past few hours sitting at Seungcheol’s watching Running Man reruns, trying to distract himself from what happened this afternoon to no avail. He can’t manage to get the image of Jihoon out of his head. Jihoon with glossy eyes. Because of him. 

He sighs as he climbs the last flight of stairs to his 5th story apartment, fishing his keys from his pocket. He stops short of his apartment when a beanie clad blond head turns towards him, his eyes immediately locking with Jihoon’s. He swallows thickly and makes his way to the door to unlock it. 

It isn’t until he’s standing right next to Jihoon that he notices the red tint to the younger’s nose and cheeks and gasps. He turns the key, opening the door and pulling Jihoon inside quickly. “It’s freezing outside, why did you wait for so long?” he says once he’s shut the door, pressing warm hands against Jihoon’s cold cheeks and rubbing his thumbs over the skin there. 

Jihoon doesn’t answer, eyes sinking to the floor as he reaches for the messenger bag at his side. He pulls out a thermos and hands it to Jeonghan. “I said I’d bring you soup.” Jeonghan’s heart squeezes as he takes the thermos and sets it on the table by the door. 

“Thank you, Ji-”

“Anyway,” Jihoon says, still not meeting Jeonghan’s eyes as he turns back towards the door. “I should get home. Feel better, hyung.” 

It’s a split second decision, one he is most definitely going to regret, but Jeonghan has Jihoon wrapped in his arms in seconds, his face buried in the younger’s hair as he whispers: “Don’t go.”

Jihoon goes slack in his arms, hand falling away from the door knob and Jeonghan hates how easily Jihoon just gives in to him. He should stay mad at Jeonghan, he should tear out of the elder’s arms, he should leave and never talk to Jeonghan again. That would be better for him. Better than getting into a relationship that his parents will never approve of, that his friends won’t understand, that will most likely end with them never speaking to each other again. 

But Jeonghan’s been trying to protect him from that for years. He’s been trying his best to ignore every little inkling of feelings he’s had for Jihoon since Jihoon was an awkward, chubby-cheeked teenager who had no idea what he was doing with his life. But he can’t keep pretending like he isn’t in love with Jihoon. He can’t keep pretending like they’re just old friends who’ve known each other since they were kids or just a professor and his student. 

“Jihoonie…” He stops, breathing in the scent of Jihoon’s shampoo shakily because how does he just say all of that? How does he just go from ignoring all of Jihoon’s advances for years to practically molesting him in his classroom to confessing his undying love and devotion? He takes a moment to sort through it, rearranging the words in his head into something at least mildly poetic, but as one of Jihoon’s hands come up to rest on Jeonghan’s arms, all that comes out is a slightly broken sounding: “Do you still want me?” 

Jihoon takes a deep breath and Jeonghan almost hopes he says no because he really doesn’t want this for Jihoon, but he’s not strong enough to keep denying it. Jihoon’s hand finds his and their fingers twine. “Yes.”

Jihoon turns in his arms and when Jeonghan kisses him this time it’s soft, their lips foreheads pressed together and lips barely brushing. His hands come up, caressing the younger’s cheekbones as he brings their mouths together fully. Jihoon’s fingers fist in his shirt, pulling himself into the elder as Jeonghan deeps the kiss.

Jihoon breaks the kiss after a few moments, backing further into Jeonghan’s apartment and using his grip on the elder’s shirt to tug him back towards the bedroom. Their lips find each other again when Jihoon hits the bedroom door, back pressing against it fully as he leans up to nip at Jeonghan’s bottom lip. Jeonghan groans low in his throat and reaches behind Jihoon for the doorknob. He lifts Jihoon into his arms once it’s open, kicking the dor closed behind him and laying the younger down on the bed. 

It’s surreal, seeing Jihoon laid out in front of him, lips swollen, cheeks flushed, blond hair tousled and falling out of the beanie barely clinging to his head. He’s imagined it so many times, too many times, that actually seeing Jihoon there knocks the breath out of his lungs and he wishes he could stop and just take a picture of how undeniably gorgeous Jihoon looks.

Instead he crawls over to kiss the younger again. He pulls the beanie off completely, tossing it somewhere into the room as he begins to trail kisses over Jihoon’s cheeks and jawline, down to his neck and the collarbones that taunted him in class. Jihoon mewls as Jeonghan’s tongue and teeth worry at the exposed skin there, fingers tangling in the elder’s hair. 

Jeonghan thinks that might be the prettiest sound he’s ever heard in his life. 

Jihoon pushes back against his shoulders then, leaning up to pull off the sweatshirt he’d been wearing;  Jeonghan’s sweatshirt. 

“Fuck you’re beautiful,” Jeonghan breathes, tugging his own shirt over his head and throwing it into the room. The corners of Jihoon’s mouth quirk up as a breathless little laugh escapes his lips. “I’m sorry,” he says, thinking back to Jihoon’s eyes as he left the classroom. “For this afternoon, I mean.” 

Jihoon shakes his head. “It’s okay, I’m not mad about it.” He won’t meet Jeonghan’s eyes as he continues, voice softer and cheeks pinker. “I really wanted you to kiss me anyway. I just didn’t really want my first time to end up being in your classroom.” 

Those words hit Jeonghan like a sack of bricks and it’s like reality comes crashing back down on him suddenly and holy shit this is Jihoon and he might be an adult now but he’s still so small and innocent and Jeonghan almost deflowered him in the middle of his classroom, is still hovering over him about to deflower him in his bedroom. He pulls away, falling to the bed next to Jihoon and covering his face with his hands. “Jihoonie, you can’t- I- we should stop.” 

“What, why?” Jihoon sits up, propping himself on an elbow and fixing Jeonghan with narrowed eyes, voice filled with indignation. “Just because I’m a virgin?” 

“No! N- Yes, yes, actually. Jihoon you can’t...” Jeonghan sighs and rubs at his temples. “Your first time shouldn’t be like this. You shouldn’t lose your virginity to some man almost ten years older than you; it’s like I’m taking advantage of you, Jihoonie. I- Your first time should be something special, you and your partner both exploring things together or something, not this.” 

It’s Jihoon’s turn to sigh as he lays his head on the elder’s chest. “It’s not like I haven’t had opportunities. I had plenty of chances to do it before now, but it didn’t...it didn’t feel right. I chose to wait for this, Jeonghan. This is special to me, because it’s you.” 

Jeonghan’s fingers slide through Jihoon’s hair, holding the younger to him as his thoughts war. This is Jihoon, the boy he’s known for so long, the one who used to come over to Jeonghan’s at eleven at night because he couldn’t sleep until Jeonghan sang for him. The same boy who would spend hours practicing songs at Jeonghan’s because he just wanted to be around him. The same boy who took his first kiss in a game of truth or dare because he didn’t want to be left out of Jeonghan’s high school parties. But Jihoon’s not a boy anymore. Jeonghan’s been so caught up in thinking that Jihoon’s feelings were just some puppy love crush because he grew up with Jeonghan and it’s tearing him apart to think that he’s been dismissing Jihoon’s feelings all this time while Jihoon’s just been waiting for him. 

“I know it’s not easy for you,” Jihoon says, lifting his head from Jeonghan’s chest so their eyes meet. “I’ve known you my whole life, and you’ve always fit into that big brother role, I know it’s hard for you to see me as anything other than a little kid. But I stopped looking at you like a big brother a long time ago. And I know it’s not that easy for you, the way we grew up and the age difference...it’s different on your end. It’s fine for me to want you, but people expect you to be more responsible; you expect yourself to be more responsible.” Jeonghan wonders how it’s so easy for Jihoon to put everything into words like that, how the younger can string together the very thoughts that have been running through Jeonghan’s head and put them out between them so effortlessly. “But, I know what I want, Jeonghan. I’ve known what I want for five years. I don’t care about any of the other bullshit, I only care about being here with you.” 

Jeonghan pulls the younger to him then, pressing their lips together and rolling so he’s hovering over Jihoon once more. There’s still a voice in the back of his mind that says this is a mistake, that he can’t be doing this, not with Jihoon, but he pushes it away, ignoring it in favor of listening to the soft pants Jihoon makes as Jeonghan resumes kissing his neck. If this is what Jihoon wants, all Jeonghan can do is make sure that he does his best not to disappoint him. 

His hands trace down Jihoon’s sides, lips following after as he kisses down the younger’s chest, down to his navel, nipping at his hips as he unbuttons Jihoon’s jeans and begins to pull them down. Jihoon hisses as the air hits his skin and Jeonghan almost chokes when he realizes that Jihoon’s not wearing anything under his jeans. 

“Planning ahead, huh, Jihoonie?” Jihoon smirks at him, canine coming out to pull at his bottom lip as Jeonghan completely discards his jeans. 

Jeonghan licks his lips. He was already going to be thinking about Jihoon laid out on his bed shirtless for weeks, but the sight of him now - eyes half closed, hair messy from his hands running through it, hickeys littering his pale skin, cock hard against his thigh - is going to haunt his every wet dream for the rest of his life. There’s a very large part of him that wants to tease Jihoon, a small bit of revenge for all of the little pestering he’s endured since Jihoon became his student, but now that’s he’s come this far, his impatience gets the best of him, fingers sliding around Jihoon’s length and stroking lightly. 

The moan that Jihoon lets out has Jeonghan’s cock twitching inside of his jeans. 

Time stops having meaning as he works fingers and lips over Jihoon’s body and Jeonghan’s not sure if twenty minutes or two hours have passed since they entered the room. Jihoon’s been just shy of begging since Jeonghan began the process of stretching him and Jeonghan’s starting to get dizzy from how much he wants to see Jihoon completely wrecked as he pounds into him. 

The sound Jihoon makes when he curls his fingers inside of the younger saps the last bit of self-control Jeonghan has. 

He withdraws completely, sliding off the bed to reach in his nightstand. Jihoon whines at the loss of contact, but his eyes sparkle as he watches Jeonghan slide the condom on. 

His lips find Jihoon’s as he presses himself into the younger’s body. It’s almost too much already because even with the prep and the lube, Jihoon is tight around him and the sounds that are spilling into the elder’s mouth are heavenly. He stills, giving Jihoon time to adjust before rocking his hips gently. 

Jihoon’s moans are breathy and light and Jeonghan is absolutely addicted to the sound already. The pace he keeps is slow, sensual, hands roaming Jihoon’s body as his tongue and teeth touch the skin on his jaw and neck. He keeps it even until the moment when Jihoon’s fingers tighten in his hair and he hisses as Jeonghan’s fingers wrap around the younger’s length once more. It’s all the encouragement Jeonghan needs to speed up, plunging into Jihoon’s body with a fervor, the rhythm of his hand never faltering. 

Jihoon’s eyes are screwed shut in pleasure and his fingernails are digging into Jeonghan’s skin in the most delicious way and Jeonghan tries to catalogue every detail of the scene into his mind. 

The strangled cry that Jihoon lets out a second before he’s coating his stomach pushes Jeonghan over the edge. 

They’re both breathing heavily when Jeonghan pulls back a few moments later, peppering Jihoon’s temple and forehead with kisses. He discards the condom in the bathroom trashcan before wetting a wash cloth with warm water and heading back into the room. 

Jihoon sighs as Jeonghan cleans him up, eyes fluttering closed once more. Jeonghan tosses the washcloth on to his nightstand before crawling into the bed next to Jihoon and wrapping his arms around the younger. Jihoon curls into him, a hand coming up to brush fingers through Jeonghan’s hair and Jeonghan can’t really remember the last time he’s felt this content. 

He’s ready to say as much when Jihoon shakes his head. “No talking right now. We can talk and figure everything out in the morning. For now, I just want to sleep.” 

Jeonghan presses a kiss to the top of Jihoon’s head and reaches out to pull the blanket over the two of them. 

They have a lot of talking to do, for sure. It’s not like they can make this into a one-night stand and never see each other again. Jeonghan wouldn’t want that even if it was an option. He’s always cared about Jihoon, always had love for him, and he can’t just shut that off and pretend that those feelings never existed. And he definitely can’t pretend that those feelings haven’t been shifting into something different over the past couple of years, something a little deeper, a little heavier. 

It might take some time for things to settle into some kind of new normal from this, for them to find out what that new normal will be, but for now, Jeonghan breathes in the scent of Jihoon and sleeps. 

[bazzverse]

@seinnfeld​ didn’t said: things you said when it was over feat things you wish you never said   +   hendubhan

❛ Oh, so now you want to talk? ❜ Elizabeth praticamente cuspiu após sentir o corpo ser virado em direção à Alec. Sua voz, sempre tão serena e alegre, agora carregava uma calma gélida e afiada que surpreendeu até a própria, mas não se deixou abalar enquanto cruzava os braços, protetoramente, diante o peito e se obrigava a olhá-lo nos olhos. Os mesmos tons de azul dos quais vinha fugindo desesperadamente nos últimos dias. Só que fugir já não era mais uma opção. ❛ Okay, so talk. ❜

Estar perto do Henzollern era algo que já lhe era quase instintivo. Como se todas as diferenças entre eles funcionassem como os pólos de dois ímãs, sempre os puxando em direção ao outro. Inferno, ainda era assim — não era o tipo de coisa que poderia desaparecer em tão pouco tempo —, mas, agora, a proximidade lhe doía quase tanto, senão mais, que a distância. Ao menos, trancada em seu quarto e com o celular desligado, havia uma falsa segurança em toda a raiva e decepção que tomava cada vez que repassava a cena do beijo dele com outra. Mas ali, parada diante dele, a poucos passos, observando o modo como seus cachos dourados estavam desgrenhados, os olhos vagos e as olheiras, mais profundas e marcadas, sentia tudo aquilo ruir aos seus pés.

Haviam se passado apenas alguns dias que fugia de qualquer contato com o rapaz, mas ele parecia tão mais velho. Tão miserável quanto ela se sentia, e, por tudo o que havia de mais sagrado, a visão deveria deixá-la satisfeita!! Feliz, até, afinal, era exatamente pelo que havia torcido todas aquelas noites em que se acabou de chorar nos braços de seu pai, de sua mãe e quem mais tivesse paciência para aguentá-la. No entanto, a bailarina pôde apenas se amaldiçoar e apertar mais os braços contra sim ao notar que seu primeiro instinto ainda era querer puxá-lo para si e tentar batalhar contra todos e cada um de seus demônios. Deus sabe que ela o faria e, naquele instante, não sabia dizer o que era mais triste em toda aquela história: querer ou não poder.

O nariz dele se franziu um pouco e os lábios se retorceram, da mesma forma involuntária que fazia quando ele lutava para encontrar as palavras. Não era o tipo de reação comum ao seu namorado, que sempre parecia ter as respostas na ponta da língua, era verdade, mas a Donndubhán havia passado noites e mais noites aprendendo cada detalhe sobre Alec — cada pequena coisa que o tornava ele —, e por isso se preparou para o que ele poderia dizer. 

❛ Please, Ellie, I know is hard do believe, but it really wasn't what it seemed. She kissed! I swear I didn't do anything. ❜ Seria mentira dizer que, bem no fundo e contra todo o seu orgulho, Eliza havia fantasiado em ouvir aquelas mesmas palavras. Eram, sem dúvidas, a opção mais clichê de todas e não esperava que Alec realmente as usasse. No entanto, ali estava ele, as proferindo com tanta sinceridade e desespero que quer garota não tivesse visto a cena com os próprios olhos, acreditaria sem hesitar. Era tudo o que mais queria, mas não podia. 

❛ After everything, ❜ ela fechou os olhos ao suspirar, o ar escapando de sua boca entrelaçado a um riso sem humor, ❛ Everything we've been through, I thought that even if you couldn't be sincere with me, at least you'd have the decency to give me a more creative excuse. ❜

Seu nome deixou os lábios do louro mais uma vez, numa prece desalentada e quando ele tentou alcançá-la, mais uma vez, Eliza se afastou. Já não podia confiar em si mesma perto dele. ❛ No. Stop, stop, stop! ❜ Ela respirou fundo. Ou pelo menos, tentou, porque até aquilo parecia difícil naquele momento. O ar simplesmente não chegava em seus pulmões, e não ajudava nada ter que encarar diretamente aquele oceano sem fim que eram os olhos de Alec. ❛ Just .. stop ❜

❛ I used to think that loving you was the easiest thing to do. And how couldn't when you were just so perfect? ❜ Fincou as unhas nas palmas da mão ao notar suas exclamações já embargadas com as lágrimas que segurava. Ah não, Deus sabia quando pararia se começasse de novo, e Eliza se recusava a se desesperar por causa de um cara. Mesmo que esse fosse Alexander. ❛ And I always thought that I was so damn lucky because, I mean, who really find the love of their life at sixteen? So even when my friends tried to say anything about you, I'd just brushed off, thinking they were just jealous of what we have — had, no, just.. Gosh, this is fucking confusing! ❜

A bailarina afundou o rosto nas mãos. Talvez para conter os gritos presos na garganta, ou talvez na esperança de que quando retirasse, se encontraria na cama dele e tudo aquilo não seria um grande pesadelo. Mas não era. Eles ainda estavam naquele maldito corredor daquela maldita escola, diante do que parecia ser o fim de seu mundo. ❛ I wish I could hate you right now, it would make things so much more simple. But I love you, Alec. I love you so much that it's taking everything in me to not comfort you right now. Because no matter how much I'm hurt right now, it's killing me seeing you like that. Fuck! I love you so much that I wish I could just forget everything and fix your mistake, but I can't! I can't because you were right: you fuck everything up! ❜ E se Elizabeth havia começado aquela conversa com uma calma surpreendente, agora o quadro já era outro. Era como se já não tivesse controle do próprio corpo;; toda a dor já estava bem visível ali para ele ver e as palavras iam escapando sem que pudesse sequer controlá-las, sem oferecer qualquer tempo de resposta para o outro. ❛ And it's not because of karma or some hidden talent of yours or 'cause things just don't go right for you. Oh no, it's because of you! Because deep down you don't really believe you deserve any happiness, so you just sabotage every single opportunity you have! And I tried. I tried so hard for you because I thought you were worth the fight, but sometimes you seem so ready for everything to fall apart that you rather just give up! ❜

Eliza não saberia dizer por quanto tempo os dois ficaram ali, quase que em absoluto silêncio, apenas se encarando enquanto o peso das coisas que disse estendia-se pelo ar. Decerto acabaria arrependida depois por cada palavra — ah, ela sabia bem que sim. Sabia que a agonia e surpresa explícitas naqueles olhos que tanto amava ainda iria lhe assombrar. Todavia, era jovem, impulsiva, e sempre teve aquela certeza de que se você realmente amava alguém, você não traía. Agora apenas lhe restava um orgulho ferido e um coração destroçado.

Aquele transe foi cortado pela sirene que anunciava o término das aulas, que os arrastou de volta para o mundo real. A Donndubhán mudou o peso do corpo de um pé para o outro. ❛ Maybe there's some truth in your words. Maybe that girl didn't meant anything for you, but it meant to me. And I'm sorry, but I just can't keep doing this anymore, Alec. ❜

As lágrimas já corriam livres por sua face e mais uma vez Eliza não esperou por uma resposta antes de girar em seus calcanhares e sair dali, sentindo como se os pedacinhos do seu coração fossem caindo pelo caminho.