#i would be too if a heckin goddess showed up on my couch

[chvoswxtch]

Hello my love! I love the way you write Frank (AND Matt, but im in a Frank mood tonight). I’m not sure if you’re taking requests rn, but if you are, I love to submit one!! Tbh I’m so sick of how douchey guys are these days on apps, and the “oh you just wanted a free meal” behavior and dating rn is the fucking worst. What’s your take on a situation where you’re friends with Frank and you complain about how badly men behave these days, and he offers to take you on a real date and treat you right? Bc I could use a Frank to rescue me and treat me right rn 😫

hello my darling! thank you so much, omg. you're too kind🥺

ok first of all when I say you are PREACHING to the damn CHOIR !!! I tried a few dating apps and I loathed every single one of them. straight up was not having a good time. it was an absolute travesty, so I feel for you so hard right now angel.

this is my first time doing a headcannon so this is super exciting and i'm happy we get to do this together!! because you absolutely DESERVE a frankie to rescue you and treat you right because you are a goddamn CATCH you are a GLOWING GODDESS and anyone should be so heckin LUCKY as to go on a date with you ❤️

headcannon is going to be below the cut bc y'all know I get carried away, especially with my baby frankie

frank castle & dating apps

first things first: frank castle is very old fashioned, so the idea of a dating app probably not only confuses the fuck out of him but also makes him grimace. like the man without a doubt hates texting, preferring an actual phone call instead, and most likely comes up with a million different threats to your security and worst case scenarios when you teach him about online dating

"don't you wanna meet someone the old fashioned way? how can you tell they're not a complete asshole just by a picture and a few words? what if they ain't who they say they are? you still got that knife I gave ya?"

frank already made you share your location with him a long time ago for safety reasons but now makes you text him the address of wherever it is you're going on these "dates" as well as check in with him every hour

he would probably be adamant about coming with you and sitting in a corner somewhere so he could keep an eye on you but you quickly shot that down bc it's frank and he's very hard to miss and you would have a hard time explaining to your date why that big guy across the room looks like he's seconds away from committing murder (you know exactly which look i'm talking about)

frank requests you send him a picture of whatever guy you're meeting just in case he needs to hunt him down find him if you don't check in or something happens, and never hesitates to offer a look of utter disdain and merciless judgment when you finally send it

"really? you're goin' on a date with this? the options on them apps that goddamn bad, sweetheart?"

frank is extremely shameless in verbally eviscerating every single guy you show him or tell him about and never misses an opportunity to make his opinions known

one night you storm into his apartment without knocking (a common occurrence he's finally gotten used to) and plop down next to him on the couch with a glass a wine (he made a mental note to keep the kind you like on hand at all times) and start to vent about your latest disaster date

the guy made you drive nearly an hour out of your way to meet him at a sketchy dive bar, spent the whole night talking about himself and cutting you off every time you spoke, and then had the AUDACITY to ask you to cover the tab because he "forgot" his wallet at home (this actually happened to me once)

frank can't take it anymore. this online dating thing has been going on for months and every time you vent to him about these assholes, it gets harder and harder for him to control his feelings for you because he's supposed to be your friend and the guys you've been going out with look nothing like him and as much as he wants to be with you, he's scared to ruin the one good thing he has. so, frank hatches a plan

"alright, I can't take this shit anymore. don't make plans friday night. we're goin' out."

he says it so nonchalantly, you almost don't catch what he means. you splutter out your wine, staring over at frank because there's no way he just asked you out on a date??? frank catches your look and offers a timid smile, reaching over to squeeze your knee gently

"relax. i'm just gonna show you what a real date should be like. you've been on so many shitty ones, I don't even know if you know what a good one is. let me help you raise your standards a bit."

let me tell you something, frank castle knows a thing or two about romance. this man goes ALL OUT. picking you up at your door (on time, early even), flowers in hand (your favorites bc he actually listens when you talk), is the most dressed up you've ever seen him (it's a dress shirt and jeans but he's usually covered in blood so), opens all the doors for you and pulls out your chair, takes you to a restaurant he knew you would love bc he knows your favorite dish & dessert, spends the whole night asking you questions about things he's always wanted to know about you, makes you laugh with silly jokes and stories, and tells you several times throughout the night how beautiful he thinks you look

you've always had a crush on frank (how could you not honestly) so you were a nervous wreck about the whole thing and what it meant for your friendship and if he was just doing this to be nice because he felt sorry for you or if he actually liked you back

but the date is not only the best one you've ever been on but also the easiest because it's frank and he's your best friend and you've never felt more comfortable or at ease with someone and when the check comes it makes your heart sink because you never want this date to end, even if it isn't real

the entire walk back to your apartment there's a palpable nervous energy between the two of you and his hands are in his pockets but you desperately wish they were holding yours and when you stop at your door there's a million thoughts racing through your head that you wanna say but the look in frank's eyes steals the oxygen straight out of your lungs

"listen I uh...know I said this was just to show you how a real date should be and what not, and I did mean that but...I really just wanted to show you how you should be treated ya'know. how...how I would treat you, if you'd let me. i'd give you the goddamn world if you asked, sweetheart. I don't know if I read tonight wrong, but I know I could be the right man for you, and I think you know that too. at least, I hope you do. there's nothin' I wouldn't do for you, honey. I understand if you don't feel the same way-"

you don't even let frank finish that sentence before you're dragging him down by his collar and crashing your lips together because holy shit frank, your frank, wants you just as much as you want him

needless to say you invite him up and show him just how much you want him despite his weak attempt at trying to continue to be a gentleman

"sweetheart, we can take it slow. I don't mind-" "frank I swear to god if you don't take your pants off right now, i'm never kissing you again." "yes ma'am."

[a-familiar-set-of-apartments]

"... I mean, I suppose I'm related to the imps?" Rosea shrugged, placing her elbows on the armrest of the couch as she rested her head on top of her hands. "I meant my name, can you guys guess my name!" She huffed. "Maybe this'll help-" She got off the couch and stood up, brushing her hair out of her eyes, and raised her arms in a sort of 'look at me!' pose. "Do I look familiar at all? Ringin' any bells?" She gave a grin. "Maybe you've seen me in a book or something...?" ~ Rosea

They all stared at her blankly for a moment. 

Then, suddenly, Aiden nearly broke his own no-swearing-in-the-apartment rule. Journal and Roo sharply looked over at him, the surprise on their faces nearly mirroring the older questor’s. Aiden looked a little pale, glancing Rosea up and down. “Youre... don’t... don’t tell me you’re Rosea Malificium...?” he gulped, brows furrowed. “Rosea whatsherface?” Journal echoed, confused. “Aiden, what’re you-?” “That’s a demon goddess.”  Journal’s mouth fell open. He squeaked for a moment, then just shut it. Roo was still simply staring at Aiden. His eyes darted between Rosea and his originator. Hesitantly, he found his voice. “... she’s... w-what...?” “A demon goddess. There’s a demon goddess. In our living room.” Aiden said faintly. “... I think i need to sit down.”