#i’m just in a silly sephiroth mood guys

[myvampyrez]

sephiroth felt your hands grip the sheets, stirring in your sleep as you tossed and turned. he blinked the remaining sleep left in his eyes, adjusting to the darkness of the room as he finally felt you jolt up.

a hand flew to cover your mouth in a weak attempt to hush your ragged breathing. it was like barbed wire coated your throat as you tried to keep your sobs in, a flow of hot tears beginning to stream down your cheeks.

you knew he was awake, he always was a light sleeper. and with that knowledge, you draped your arm over his as he laid on his side— and you pressed a chaste kiss to his shoulder, now bare in the comfort of his bed rather than being armor clad like usual.

he can feel your eyelashes flutter against his arm while you press soft kisses against his skin, your hushed hiccups breaking the silence of the room. every broken sigh you let out to try and regulate your breathing made sephiroth’s heart pain even more, a sharp pain in his chest as he resisted the urge to sit up.

your gaze fell on his face, mako eyes standing out against the darkness of your bedroom as they turned to look at you, silver hair framing his face. he said nothing, merely reaching his hands towards yours and interlacing your fingers in a gentle grip. you cherished the moments where you did not feel leather on his skin, but instead the softness of his own hands.

and when you reached for his face in the dark, free hand stained with tears and the guilt of your own sorrow, a wave washed over both of your bodies. it’s hard to accept love when all you’ve known is hate, but that’s okay. he eased into your touch the same way your voice lured him into your web of a loving embrace, taking him into your arms as you whispered promises and affections soon to be fulfilled. all the memories you two shared were half-yours, because in this life, it’s a loop. and a loop is a circle, meaning there are two halves. half of this love came from you, too.

and that made sephiroth tear up a bit, knowing you just want to help people even as you’re crying yourself. in the morning he won’t ask you why you cried, he won’t ask about the nightmares you had and the terrible things you’ve faced on your lonesome. instead, he’ll wrap you into his arms the same way you did for him, and he’ll hold you for as long as you need. you’re okay with that, you thought, as your shoulders heaved with sobs that had yet to hit your ears, only focusing on your sephiroth’s heartbeat while you rested on his chest, reveling in the feeling of the familiar calloused hand that came to rest upon the back of your head.

[lindorthedragonslayer]

Aerith/Cloud’s Resolution Scene ✨

Normally, I like just reading other people’s thoughts on things, but since this scene, and Aerith herself are so tragically underappreciated, I decided to contribute to the conversation myself. :)

Warning: “there will be monsters.” (I.e. there will obviously be spoilers for FFVII Remake, but also the original game - based on my vague childhood memories of it, anyhow - Advent Children, and defs some Clerith bias shining through, so if that ain’t your cup of tea, please scroll away~) 

This scene was one of my absolute FAVOURITES in the remake because - on top of it being both visually, and musically stunning, as well as amazingly well-acted - I felt like it showcased Aerith, and Cloud’s characters, and their dynamic SO incredibly well. 

⁑ On Aerith ⁑

First, there’s Aerith. At the start of the scene, Aerith is her usual spirited self. When Cloud asks if she’s okay, she immediately reassures him, telling him that being back at Shinra was like “going back to [her] childhood home,” that it wasn’t "that bad,” even though that was far from the truth. Similarly when Cloud informs her that her “mom’s really worried, too,” Aerith, true to form, latches onto the chance to further lighten up the mood by teasing him about the unsaid sentiment that he was also worried about her (although this unexpectedly backfires on her).

Time, and again, it is implied that Remake!Aerith knows details that she shouldn’t, and the outcome of events that haven’t transpired yet (maybe the Whispers showed her glimpses of the future like they did with Cloud, and co.?). So, I believe that it is her awareness of her tragic fate paired with her own grief over suddenly losing her mom, Zack - and now Elmyra, and her home, too -  that prompts her to deliver her hauntingly beautiful speech about cherishing the present moment, to express her heartfelt gratitude to Cloud for all the happiness he’d given her, and to say her iconic “you can’t fall in love with me” line. She knows perfectly well how devastating it is to suddenly lose someone precious to you, so she tries to find a way to both prepare Cloud for that seeming inevitability, and also prevent him from getting too attached to her, and experiencing the same profound sense of loss she has because of her. 

I think it’s so sad, yet beautiful how Aerith’s loneliness is at the very heart of so many of her words, and actions. Aerith is so spirited, and lively, so full of life, because, to her, the girl who suffered so many great, and sudden losses, each, and every moment is “so precious, and fleeting.” Because of her early childhood, she learned to find, and appreciate the little joys in life, and the good in the people around her - even, and especially when neither were immediately apparent. This sad, pure girl, who is so touched by people simply seeking her out to be with her, works so hard to ensure, and protect the happiness, and lives of those precious to her, even if it comes at the cost of her own. 

⁑ On Cloud ⁑

Then, there’s Cloud. In this scene, Cloud refuses to go along with Aerith’s charade: he calls her out on her “childhood home” lie; ignoring her teasing tone, he sincerely admits to being worried about her; and, he listens attentively to what she does honestly say, encouraging her to continue speaking, even when she’s uncharacteristically at a loss for words.

For the very first time in the story, the seemingly aloof Cloud actually takes a firm stance on something, and even fights for it. When Aerith tells him “not to fall in love with [her],” that his feelings for her “[aren’t] real,” Cloud responds with,  “Don’t I get a say in all this?” With this curt response, Cloud actually asserts himself for a change. Cloud, the boy who, up until now, never really bothered to correct anyone’s (often misguided) impressions of him, who repeatedly chose to drop matters, and distance himself instead. Who later has an identity crisis, and doubts whether, or not “Cloud Strife,” and all his thoughts, feelings, and memories are truly real, and his, and not something Sephiroth simply created. Right here, and now, for the very first time, Cloud interjects, gets annoyed, and stands up for himself when someone tries to decide how he feels, and keep him away.  

And then, Cloud, the boy who coped with social rejection all this time by setting himself apart, reacts to Aerith’s attempt to push him away by taking a page from Aerith’s own book: he holds his ground, and further inserts himself into her life. “I’m coming for you.” This quiet, but firm resolution of his marks the beginning of Cloud’s journey to becoming the hero, and person he always wanted to be, I think. Previously, Cloud simply, and begrudgingly went with the flow: while he helped Avalanche, Jessie, T*fa, and Aerith (because “he’s a merc,” and, a good guy at heart), he never offered his own input on matters, and always yielded to their decisions, even if he wasn’t too keen on it himself. However, taking Aerith back from Shinra was so immensely important to him; it was a cause he decided to fight for all on his own, regardless, and in spite of everyone’s (Aerith, Elmyra, T*fa, Barret’s) contrary stances on the matter, and a cause that he gradually started calling all of the shots for. By the end of the mission, and game, the others actually look to Cloud for direction on what to do next, cementing his role as the leader of their ragtag group.

⁑ On Cloud & Aerith/Clerith ⁑

Now what I’ve always loved about Aerith, and Cloud’s relationship with each other is that - whether you see it romantically, or platonically - their connection is based on an easy friendship that brought both of them so much happiness, comfort, courage, and strength. Their bond with each other wasn’t built on any epic, world-shattering event that brought them together, but rather on a thousand quiet, little moments that they chose to share together.    

For Aerith, who was weighed down by so much sorrow, and unwanted responsibility, Cloud was someone who gave her so much to smile, and fight for. With Cloud, she was able to just let loose, and really live: being with him allowed her to be her true cheeky, mischievous, and energetic self without any restraints; to adventure in, and be part of the outside world she longed for without fear. At the same time, Cloud inspired her to be a little more open, and vulnerable, as well as to face her Cetra heritage head on in order to save the Planet that he, and all her loved ones live on - two huge shifts for her as someone accustomed to hiding behind a smile, and turning away from trouble. 

Likewise, for Cloud, Aerith was someone who both accepted him for exactly who he was, while also inspiring him to be better. When presented with Cloud’s cold, and distant SOLDIER facade, Aerith wasn’t deterred in the slightest; in fact, she became even more determined to stick by his side, and get him to open up to her. Through her relentless teasing, silly antics, and steadfast friendliness, Aerith quickly broke down many of the walls Cloud built around himself, encouraging him to just be himself without any pretenses. After meeting Aerith, Cloud was inspired to do so many things he previously scoffed at, like taking a break, and being more actively involved with others. In Aerith’s company, Cloud was happy, and showed that he did actually care in his own awkward, clumsy way. However, Aerith didn’t “fix” Cloud with her love, nor did she make herself the centre of his universe: she simply stubbornly stayed by his side, which encouraged him to really appreciate, and rely on the people around him, work through his issues himself, and even save the Planet.   

All in all, I believe that Aerith, and Cloud’s resolution scene perfectly captured every aspect of their relationship together. As usual, they’re initially shown directly across from each other, gazes locked, but choosing to close the distance between them. It’s a quiet moment where nothing particularly major, or dramatic happens - even the music is quiet, and gets quieter still at its climax. Yet, there’s so much love evident in every little moment, and gesture they make: they inspire honesty in each other, give each other the motivation to face another day, and once again make their desire to be together for just a little bit longer so heartbreakingly obvious. Furthermore, Cloud’s later claims about being someone who cherishes everything, and being okay because he isn’t alone anymore are so reminiscent, I think, of Aerith’s monologue here, proving that he really did take her words to heart.  

Despite the game’s purposeful ambiguity in the romance department (lest they make multiple version of the same scene, or have Cloud come off as a player), it is still clear that, as friends, or lovers (this part is up to personal interpretation, and preferences), Cloud, and Aerith’s bond with one another is one that brought them so much happiness, and strength, making it one of the most precious ones they have. In a game that heavily highlights contrasts, Cloud, and Aerith are an example of how opposite personalities can complement each other so well, making it all the more beautiful, and tragic. That’s what I believe, anyway. 

[moodysnowflake]

Hello there!

Warning guys, nasty SPOILERS ahead, both of FFVII (+ Remake) and FFVII Crisis Core.

The severity of spoilers is arguable, it depends on the level of involvement you have or you got in the series, so please be aware that what you're stepping onto might be a wildflower lawn as much as a war minefield.

I saw, read and heard a lot of people complaining about Cloud's dancing scene/minigame, grumbling about how:

1. Stupid it was;

2. Degrading it has been;

3. Zack would have been disappointed.

Let's take it in strides, shall we?

1. Stupid? I'd rather say silly, more than stupid. Stupid means doing something that you've no idea how/why you're doing. FFVII never made that a mystery: there was a goofy vibe in the original too, and that was on purpose. You couldn't handle the story otherwise, it would just have been a mess of violence, death, tears and blood. Light moods are needed for you to recuperate, recharge batteries and balance. Otherwise, we all would've ended up like Sephiroth.

Character perspective wise, Cloud might not have understood from the beginning (as much as I love him to the bottom of my essence, he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer - that's also why Sephiroth can do what the fluff he wants) what the hell Aerith roped him into, but when he gets the idea he accepts it (in his very Cloud way) and faces it with one of the most determined look he has ever sported. He's willing to let himself be dragged on and about the stage by Andrea, because he knows this is for Tifa, so it doesn't matter if he has to shake is ass in front of a bunch of strangers. He never really cared about his reputation since Crisis Core; he doesn't care about what people think, he's doing it for the woman he loves (shut your trap, he loves her as much as she loves him, he just needs time to untangle himself from his nightmares - and someone smacking him on the head really hard).

Secondly, player perspective wise, is it really such a stupid section? How many did manage to get a perfect score on the very first try? Camera speed, moves and angles pulled some interesting stunts, didn't they? Tricking your depth perception, together with the lights going bananas. Even if they weren't; everything has been coordinated and perfectly synced with the music. If you'd refrained for two seconds from blabbering insults you would have noticed that you could've actually used lights as another cue to help you sync, with the music and Cloud's movements. It's called peripheral vision, you need to expand your focus as much as you can and split it both on the background and the forefront. That gives your brain the capacity to better throw information at you so you can react faster, 'cause you're actively trying to remain perceptive of your surroundings too. Just like in battles.

If that shooting dynamic would have been present during battle, nobody would have survived, not even a doomrat.

2. Talking about degrading. Did Cloud strip naked? Did he have to put on a honeybee outfit? As much as he was very uncomfortable, Andrea (a.k.a. the game) pushed him only up to the limit that still felt secure enough and over which it could have been really perceived as abusive. Andrea could have done that and Cloud would still have obliged (because Tifa) but his objective was not humiliating him. He wanted to play with the dangerous SOLDIER, over which he, paradoxically, even for a tiny bit, had the power and control. Still, he didn't overdo nor overuse it (that is some good representation of a BDSM Dom, btw).

Moreover... I mean... Did you really look at him? Those were not exactly noobs moves, he nailed that too (but that's something I'll talk about next).

About the dresses: are you seriously complaining about them? I admit that the black/white one is not exactly the best (but it's your fault for ditching all Wall Market's quest... you had it coming), and I prefer the blue corset one over the lilac/black silk.

Point is: you have to sneak a guy who's built like a fucking BRICK WALL into Corneo's audition. How in the ever-loving hell are you supposed to do it? The only things playing in Cloud's favor are his facial features and his height: he's the smoothest skin I've ever seen, light jaws and is compact enough not to stand out too much among average-height girls, but that's it. He has shoulders and muscles for days. You have to cover him as much as you can, and how would you do that, if not with a broad gown, puff-sleeves, and a corset? If you're wondering about the chocker/high neck+thick necklace: it covers the Adam's apple, genius... And all the frilly, shiny laces of the lilac dress and the extensions are needed to divert the attention from his neck, clavicles and forearms, otherwise, you'll notice the buff.

That's why he had to look like a Victorian maiden.

Putting him in a catsuit, with latex or leather stretching over every inch of skin, or a sundress, with arms and legs on display... That would have been a bad idea.

Andrea is talking about not being afraid, and that's an awesome message: if you feel comfortable and beautiful, why not doing it? If you're happy, do it. It's not your problem if other people are insecure about themselves and try to pick on you because they're afraid and, most of all, jealous of your confidence, identity, and fortitude. They're just disrespectful and sad, and you should avoid them like the plague.

And again, Cloud doesn't seem that much fazed about it. I think he's more annoyed than anything; having to move in that huge-ass skirt, squeezed in a corset which is not letting you breathe and turn around would make everyone who's not used to it lose their shit. Women or men, regardless, it's a pain either way, especially if you're a fighter and need to move freely. Also, if you notice, the heels he's put in are not that much higher than his combat boots... Sure, they're thinner, but that's why he's not wobbling like a newborn calf. Did you see him swaying through the streets? That was some awesome heel-walking.

What ended me was how he was moving after he woke up. Have you seen how completely ungraceful he is, and at the same time fluidly stands to check on Aerith and doesn't trip over his own feet? In a dress like that, being that agile is shamefully amazing. Then, he swings like he's in the SOLDIER uniform, spine blocked because of the corset, moving his center of gravity too much because of too broad steps, awkwardly bobbing, switching too much weight from feet to feet, getting his stance rigid. That's precious. And hilarious af.

He has to held still as much as he can to try and convey the feeling of being scared, but we know he's just trying really hard not to wreak havoc in the audition room and slaughter everyone.

(Despise lighting, which being warm oriented would have mingled with the blue of his irises and shift them to green, I still believe that in that scene his eyes were going mako. In some millisecond-split moments, they seem to really flash out. That's hella relatable: you're using all your self-control not to cut open the scumbag who's lusting and sniffing and drooling and being awful to your friends. Plus, you're being groped and talked down too? The only thing you can do is look, and boy does he Glare™

(Cloud is not afraid/disgusted of other men touching him, but people seem to forget it. He just doesn't want Corneo to touch him. He doesn't move when Andrea touches his lips nor react when he swings him around in the dress, he doesn't move when Biggs pats him on the head on the pillar (I bet he would give everything to have Zack do that again, just one more time...dammit [I know what happens in the final cutscene of the Remake, but the post below this one explains why I think this]), he doesn't pull away when he grabs his hands, and not only he grabs it back, but grasps with the other one too. [Captain Levi vibes, anyone?])

He didn't have control over his eyes and I firmly think he didn't even intend to; he let them glow on purpose, just because that was the only thing he could unleash and nobody would have noticed.)

Cloud dancing is not stupid, nor offensive. Cloud is a loyal, caring friend, who doesn't have prejudices and is comfortable (as much as he can be) with his sexuality and identity that he's not questioning it nor getting scared (and violent) at the situation.

Do I have to dance and dress like a woman to help my girl? If it's the best way, so be it. She needs my help, I'm not gonna let her down. Gonna be a pain in the ass to fight, but I'll manage. I'm not that insecure of myself that a dress is going to make me have an existential crisis.

If you're a man or a male, and your friend/lover/person you cherish would ever be in a life-threatening situation (and this is, 'cause if they were on their own, they would have died), and the only option would be for you to dance and put on a dress to save them, but you refuse because you have to dance and it's a dress... Just a fucking dress... Well... You're not that decent of a friend, nor human being...

3. So. About Zack. If you think he would've been disappointed/disgusted... Are we talking about the same character? 'Cause I think we're not.

Zack Fair, SOLDIER 1st class (previously 2nd), 6 foot and a ladder, black hair, blue eyes, scar on his left jaw. Droll af?

Just because he's a legend, a powerful, passionate and strong-willed person, doesn't mean he couldn't be a quirky dumbass.

The first line said to him in Crisis Core is "Get serious" by Angeal... Angeal who described him to his mother as a PUPPY.

The same guy who jostled his mentor, a fucking SOLDIER 1st class, in front of their boss, when he knew he recommended him.

The same guy who tried to get Aerith on a date after 5 minutes.

The one who grabs a parasol to fight troopers without breaking a sweat.

The one who faked defeat by sixth-grade-Yuffie in Wutai.

The one who dances with the Cactua he summons?

When Angeal discusses the plan and tells him to charge the front gate of Wutai on the first game mission, he's jumping like an over-excited dog.

And, most importantly, the only living being who actually managed to:

- Make Sephiroth care (after Hollander with implanted Jenova cells escapes, he tells Zack Genesis’ copies had been seen in the slums... And with that frigging Knowing™ look, and a smirk, he tells him "Permission to return... Granted", Seph's gentlemanly way to say 'I know you have a girlfriend down there, you should go check on her':

Then Sephiroth says goodbye first

And fucking smiles (Zack wasn’t able to see it ‘cause he was already walking away)

- Yell at him over the phone and live;

- Pull a GENUINE laugh out of him. When they're trying to locate Angeal and Genesis, Sephiroth calls him. The conversation goes as:

S:"You and I are gonna find them [Gen & Angie] before they [Shinra] do, and..."

Z:'And WHAT?!?!' *angry bark, to which Sephirot pulls the phone away*

S:"...Fail to eliminate them"

Z:'For real?!'

S:"[AMUSED HUFF] Yes, for real" *playful mocking of Zack's words*

Okay, that was a huff, BUT STILL... Not even Sephiroth (when he was still a human being...because yes, he was, and a pretty decent one too) was immune to his Puppy Dog Energy. Look. At. That. Smile.

So this is what I think.

The only thing Zack would be disappointed about would've been Cloud not dancing enough.

Heck, he would've jumped on the stage as soon as given the signal and dragged Cloud along, yelling in his face to be heard over the music "This is gonna be great! Let's show them what a SOLDIER can do! We're gonna put all these cute bees to shame!" ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Then again... If Zack would've been there...if we think about it, a part of Zack was there.

During his childhood and infantry training, I seriously doubt Cloud had any occasion to dance or learn how to do it.

Plus, he couldn't have done it during his 4-years mako-comatose state.

This doesn't leave that many options.

It is very likely that, like his fighting ability, his dancing moves were coming from Zack's memories too.

In a way, we can say that Zack, in the end, was there on stage with him.

Gosh, I'm gonna cry so much... ಥ_ಥ

[thinkaboutmeff7au]

flash time 101

1995.

Knock knock. I put an old receipt in my book to mark it and get up. I’m hoping it’s just one of the neighbors asking for a cup of sugar. Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t that be…

I open the door. It’s Gen, because of course it is.

“Angeal!” he says, too loud and too high pitched. He’s giddy, weaving on his feet, and he gives me a huge hug that wanes in strength instantly. “Dude, I can’t believe…you’re still awake? I thought you’d be sleeping!”

I yank him out of the hallway. I want to leave him out there, but something tells me he’ll start crying if I do. Just a hunch. He’s very stoned. “It’s 8:30,” I tell him.

“Huh? I thought…wasn’t it like, ten or something?”

“No.”

He staggers away from me to balance himself as I shut the door. Then, he starts bouncing on his toes and shaking his hands as if they’re covered in water. “What the hell’s gotten into you?” I ask, mesmerized.

He whips his head over to me, beams, and then starts giggling uncontrollably. He has to hold his face in his hands, covering it. It takes a second, but when he finally comes out of it, his eyes are wild. “Hah!” he barks. “I got a new strain the other day. I’m finally trying…trying it out. Holy shit! I feel AWESOME.”

He bounces up and down again before hurling himself on my couch, staring up at the ceiling. He pauses, blinking rapidly. Dizzy, I assume. Suddenly, I wish I were tucked into bed, safely asleep. But, it’s probably better that I’m up and can take care of him if his mood goes the other way. Despite how exhausting this is, and how much my SOLDIER tutor instinct is bubbling up…this is kind of funny to watch.

“Oh my God, oh my God,” he mutters. “I can like…see things.”

There is one question that begs to be answered. “Surprised you aren’t at Seph’s,” I remark.

“Huh? Oh shit. Yeah, he’s working. Working.” Gen traces invisible marks above his head with a limp hand. “Besides, I wanted…wanted to try…try-ha ha hiiiiiiigh...”

There he goes. He starts laughing again and rolls on the couch so he’s on his stomach, kicking his feet and laughing. “Fuck! Aaaaah…”

“You don’t think you had too much?” I ask, crossing my arms.

“Swear to God! I’m just…aaah, I had one of those cafeteria chicken ceasar salads for dinner…so like, like, it’s hitting me different, different…mmmm.” His words sound like they don’t have any spaces between them. When he sits up, his hair is a wild mess, and he takes a long time to snake his hand through his hair. “Do you have any fuckin’…anything? Food? Salt? Crunch runch runch…”

He gnashes his teeth, then covers his face again. “Oh fuck, I am totally insane.”

I’m entranced by this…whatever this is. “Yeah, you are.”

His head dips while he’s still holding it, and so I go to the kitchen. No, I don’t keep stoner snacks for these rare occasions he comes to bother me, so he’s just getting a box of saltines. Okay, I get out the peanut butter too. That should satiate him. He starts yelling to me from the other room. “No, no like, so I wanted to get…ha ha fucking stupid trying this shit, I wanted to know the worst it could get. I wanted to! Okay! So like…the real reason is…is…is…”

I place the snacks on the table in front of him. I’m tempted to get the mat from the front door and put it in front of him so he doesn’t make a mess. Too many times I had to clean up after him at my mom’s place.

Genesis finds his sentence again, and peaks at me through his fingers. “I want Seph to try it.”

“Okay,” I say. More than ever, I feel like a rock, and he’s a roaring ocean, crashing with angry waves. Slowly, slowly wearing me down.

“Like! This shit makes me so chatty…words…saying…feels good,” he continues, dragging his hands down his face. He realizes I’ve brought him food. “Fuck, thanks.”

“Yup.”

“Okay, okay, so yeah, Seph’s all like…he’s got all the right ways to be high, but I want him to talk more. I want to know him more. Okay. Like…” He picks up the peanut butter and holds it as if he’s Hamlet holding a skull on stage. “More than. Carnally.”

I bite my lip. “Sure.”

“Seph doesn’t know how to have friends, all right?” he says. He peels off the lid of the peanut butter with so much force that it flies across the room and hits the TV. I should turn it onto something just so he can zone out to it later and maybe I can get some sleep. “Fuck, he even thinks all the queer shit we do is like…what friends do. Isn’t that so fucking stupid?”

I raise an eyebrow. “How do you know that?”

“Well, he hasn’t…hasn’t said shit about it. Like, he doesn’t talk about anything. Let alone if we’re not stoned.”

“Right.”

I had given him a spoon, and it turns out to be the right choice as he attacks the peanut butter directly. He can’t talk while he’s eating it, but he does have some kind of experience, falling back against the couch with the jar against his chest. Good for him.

Although, I seriously wonder if what Gen said is right even in the slightest. I know they have sex. Believe me, I know. But I’ve also been with Sephiroth alone more than Gen realizes, and I think the man knows what a friendship is. There was a period of time when Gen was irritated with him for making first, and he came to me for advice. He thanked me for it, and I told him “that’s what friends are for.” His reply was something like “so they say”, but I saw the realization before it, and the small smile afterwards.

So, I think Gen’s claim is off. He just wants to believe he’s getting away with something.

“This shit’s so good,” he croaks. “I’m so thirsty though…”

Right. I go back and rummage through my cupboards for a certain mug—yeah, the company issued one with a handle and a lid. I fill it up and gingerly set it on the table in front of him. He tosses the peanut butter and spoon back on the table in place for the water, and I swear to God he downs the whole thing. His throat clicks and he makes a loud “aaaah” sound after he drinks it. He sits there for a second, and I decide to go back to my book. I’m sure he’ll entertain himself somehow.

I’m about a couple pages in when I hear him stir. “Oh, your plants, Ange, your plants…”

He gets up and walks to the windowsill, then drops to his knees and starts petting the leaves of my marigolds. They aren’t quite in bloom yet, but I’m hoping once they do, it’ll be some nice, cheery color. The rest are mostly herbs: oregano and thyme. Gen giggles. “They’re growing up so nice…”

I raise an eyebrow. “Yeah? I think they need more sun.”

“They’ll get it.” He’s cooing as if he’s talking to a newborn. “The sun rises on this side, right? So like…they get…light. Light in the morning. You guys are flowers, aren’t you…”

I keep an ear on him as I read.

“Sometimes…I wish I were a plant. I could just stay still…”

He pauses for too long.

“…forever. Just like…my feet would be the roots…and like…whoa…”

He weaves on his knees. “Soft leaves, soft...” He starts to sing, somewhat gently. “In the breeze of a dream to have greens such as this, it’s so wonderful…” It dissolves into humming.

I think the last time I saw him when he was this delirious, he wasn’t in a good place. He kept rambling on about how we’re all forsaken, that he’s just waiting to rot away, and that he didn’t know what good it was to keep himself alive. I thought for sure he was going to break a window. I wish I knew what kind of bullshit he took that time, so I could tell him not to do it again. Although, he probably knows it and keeps it off his list. Even when he gets fatalistic, he’s not stupid.

“Baby, baby plants, baby leaves…” he hums.

I prefer him when he’s silly like this, even when it gets on my nerves. It’s much better than the alternative.

He keeps babbling to the plants under his breath. I turn the TV on low and I read for another hour. It’s almost peaceful, this. It’s so nice when he gets stoned and isn’t all over me.

Eventually, drowsiness hits me. I yawn and mark my book.

“Listen, bud, I’m gonna have to kick you out,” I sigh. “Please don’t call in tomorrow.”

“Whaaaat?” he whines. I never knew his voice could go so high. “But Angeaaaaaal, I was just telling them how the hero is a metaphor for the journey that he takes…”

He gestures to the plants, who have been a patient audience to his ramblings.

“Yeah, that doesn’t make any sense,” I say. “I’m not gonna carry you back downstairs, so find your way home or sleep on the couch.”

He crawls over to me and hugs my legs. “C’mon, c’mon…I can fit in that shitty twin…lemme stay…”

Uh-huh, here we go. I drag him off the ground by his shirt collar and he still clings to me, inhaling deep in my chest. “Mm, you smell soooo good, baby,” he murmurs. “I’m…lemme…lemme heh hee hee…I’m gonna take you home tonight…”

“Sure,” I mutter.

It takes some effort, but I manage to pry him off my chest and ease him down on the couch. He hugs himself and rolls on it, giggling and sighing. Dear God. The worst part is I can guess what he’s thinking about, given how tightly he hugged me. Sephiroth may be his new obsession, but I was his first one. Some might say it’s weird to know that your best friend is also madly in love with you, emotionally and…”carnally”, as he put it earlier. Christ, I hope he doesn’t try to jerk off on my couch.

No, he hums and rubs against the cushions like a cat, eyes closed. I should be able to sneak off.

And I do.

…the next morning, I wake up to him curled up at the edge of my bed in a tight ball, snoring softly…

(A.H.)

[the-sapphire-general]

50 Random Facts About Me

1. I know I mentioned this in a previous post I made, but I might as well bring it here. Rouge the Bat is one of my favorite female Sonic character (with Cream being another character I love because bunnies are cute!). I always liked her. She knows what she wants, she's independent, and she's the reason why I gradually became interested in gems in the first place. Too bad I can never get any real ones. XD Too expensive. And contrary to popular (yet misguided belief), she's not oversexualized or objectified. Since when were her assets emphasized? Never. Sure she's sexy, but that's not a bad thing if handled correctly. One, Sega treats her as an individual just like everybody else in the Sonic games, and two, Sonic the Hedgehog is a series for all ages. If you want fan service (hopefully not too much), you won't find any in this franchise.

2. I am very emotional. It's not something I don't usually share because sometimes I can be ashamed of it, but it's true. I'm so emotional, which can range to being rather temperamental (especially if I'm not in a good mood), or being prone to crying when others yell at me. Not always, might I add. It just depends on how much they yell, what the reason is, or who the person is, which can be painful if it's a friend, a family member, or my boyfriend. I hold back my tears often, and not just when others yell at me, because I don't like crying in public. It makes me feel humiliated and it makes me feel that nobody will care if I cry, so I can be rather cold sometimes in real life. Well not cold, but calm and collected, which I am not when I'm emotionally overwhelmed. I've gotten better at controlling my emotions, but I am bound to lose it depending on the circumstances.

3. Most girls wear make-up and get dolled up and stuff, but I don't do that. I don't shop for tons of clothes for hours, and make-up is something I rarely wear, and I mean extremely rare. However, I am not a hardcore tomboy. I do like feminine stuff, so I'm between a girly girl and a tomboy, but being at a clothing store for endless hours and having to dress up all the time annoys and bores me. My family gave up convincing me to do those things because they finally got the message to just let me be myself, and they accepted me for who I am, much to my relief. I don't believe all men focus on looks first, which I can tell is the primary reason appearance is emphasized for women, even if it irritates me due to those beliefs causing my insecurities as I got older. It's also a reason why I loathe beauty pageants. Not all men focus on a woman's looks. My boyfriend didn't. He focused more on my personality. Fun fact: I haven't watched the entire Naruto series since I started it not too long ago, but he compared me to Hinata Hyuuga! From what I've seen in the anime so far, she's cute! :D She reminds me of myself. Damn, I am so shy. lol Anyway, back to the topic. Sure, I do dress up sometimes, but it's not a requirement. It doesn't help that a former friend even forced me to be super girly, and I wound up defying her. That didn't go well, and the friendship ended partly for that reason. She didn't get the message that I can't be changed by pushing me into doing things. Girls come in different shapes and sizes, so just let them be and shut up. lol

4. This is more of a confession than a simple random fact, but as a Crash Bandicoot fan, people probably think I completed the original trilogy 100%. Okay, I hate to admit this, but I never reached 100% completion on all of them. Crash Bandicoot and Cortex Strikes Back yes, but I never reached 100% (or 105%) in Warped. Back then, I was a coward who didn't want to face the challenge so I never bothered to collect everything...until now. In Crash N. Sane Trilogy, I have completed Warped 100%/105% this time. The relics were a pain, especially getting the first batch platinum relics (which I gave up and pursed gold relics), but I did it!

5. A silly fact, but this is one @cellarhapsodos will enjoy reading because she's the friend I should thank for introducing me to one of the latest video game villains in the Final Fantasy franchise. Ardyn Izunia from Final Fantasy 15. It's an amusing story. Months before FF15, I heard of him and saw a few pictures of him online. The main villain wasn't revealed at the time, but I assumed if Ardyn was the one that was claimed to beat all the previous villains before him, I would hate him. lol I know, it's stupid! As a Sephiroth fan, I found it threatening that Square Enix was trying to outdo Sephiroth. I don't give a shit about Kefka, but Sephiroth???? I haven't played a lot of Final Fantasy, so I don't know about the other villains except for their names like Kefka, Seymour, Kuja, Ultimecia, Caius, etc., but that's not the point. I'm such a Sephiroth fangirl! Anyway, fast forward to after FF15 was released, and my friend fell in love with Ardyn. Now that I knew Ardyn was the real villain, I hated him. Yeah, stupid I know, but I didn't like him despite that I didn't play the game. I had plans to buy it to actually play a Final Fantasy game as opposed to how I got into Final Fantasy 7, but I couldn't get it because I couldn't afford it at the time. So a few months passed after its release, but before I actually played it, for some reason Ardyn started to catch my attention. I acted all irritated and stuff, but the growing curiosity grew as time passed. I started to find him attractive, much to my dismay. Being shallow about it, I didn't want to like him because of Sephiroth. But in time, I surrendered to my growing feelings, which rose higher as I played the game and got to know him. I knew a little bit about him before starting it thanks to my friend considering how much she loves him to the point of roleplaying as him. So you can see how my feelings started to grow even before I started the game. His personality captured my attention, and I fell in love hard! Just like with Sephiroth, I couldn't stop thinking about him, and after finishing the game not too long ago, I can call myself an official Ardyn fan. So to sum it up, I hated Ardyn but helplessly fell in love with him. As for Ardyn beating Sephiroth by popularity, I won't like it if he did beat him. I don't even know whether or not he did. Should it even matter? I mean, it doesn't mean Ardyn beat Sephiroth in my book. I won't start hating Sephiroth. I love him too much to let him go. I even noticed that Sephiroth was inspiration for Ardyn. How could I not? The wing on his arm gave it away, they both wear black, and they are both tragic characters. lol So thank you so much @cellarhapsodos for introducing me to this sexy man of no consequence.

6. Speaking of Final Fantasy villains, my boyfriend introduced me to Sephiroth. Love at first sight struck! When I heard his voice for the first time ever, my heart fluttered like crazy. No, it wasn't Lance Bass' take on Sephiroth, and to be honest, I don't like that one. So thank goodness George Newbern took over. Anyway, I fell madly in love with Sephiroth, and did everything I could to get to know him better. I admit I got more than I bargained for, and my boyfriend was right when he told me the exact same thing. He and his friends took note of how he's my polar opposite. Correction, he's my NEAR polar opposite. They fail to see it, but Sephiroth and I do have some things in common. We're calm and collected (when not overwhelmed), intelligent, and quiet. We keep our emotions to ourselves as best as possible, can come off as cold to others, and have a few friends but they are close friends (well, Sephiroth had friends). We're both misunderstood to an extent. Others saw Sephiroth as just a cold and distant man before he became insane, so I can relate. People think I'm cold and distant until they get to know me, and it kind of hurts when they assume that or other things about me. Sephiroth is also an outcast because of what he said in Crisis Core about how he always knew he was different. That hit me hard because I feel like an outcast too, even within my own group of friends. Now he doesn't think that way anymore after the Nibelheim Incident took place. Or does he still think that way but in secret? I don't know. Finally, we were both betrayed by certain people. I was only betrayed by one, but even that managed to feel like tons of people betrayed me, so Sephiroth and I know who our "traitors" are and we hate them. Though in Sephiroth's case, it applies to those who didn't even do anything to him, but whatever. I still can't believe my real-life friends fail to see that we aren't complete polar opposites.. And I think one of them doesn't see me being paired with Sephiroth because he suggested Vincent Valentine would be a better match, which annoyed me. Vincent is pretty cool and he is another crush that I have, but Sephiroth is the fictional Final Fantasy man I love. Opposites attract! :3

7. I HATE matchmaking! This is from a past experience back in high school when my former friend decided to play matchmaker. Unfortunately, she tried to match me up with a guy who was already in a relationship. I was furious, and I wasn't sure whether or not she did it on purpose or that she didn't know, but either way she acted like a bitch when I called her out on it, another reason why our friendship died. I wound up hating matchmaking ever since because I didn't trust anyone to pair me up with someone anymore. And also because I don't enjoy people pairing me up with someone of their choice. I met my boyfriend and chose him on my own. It's my relationship, not theirs.

8. I am a feminist. Regarding this, I wish to get this off my chest. I can't stand how people have twisted feminism. Now I get that everyone has their own definition of feminism and what it means to them, but I don't like some of the things that are said. If a female character falls in love, it's bad. If they like girly stuff, it's bad. If they dress sexy, it's bad. If they get captured, it's bad. Getting captured doesn't have to necessarily be bad. As long as they aren't only known as damsels-in-distress, then they are fine. Okay, I like Princess Peach, but if you play the games besides the ones where she gets captured, she can be pretty cool. I also heard she's amazing in the old Mario comics!  

Oh! Speaking of damsels-in-distress, here's this link:

https://www.reddit.com/r/KotakuInAction/comments/2p41oh/did_you_know_the_damsel_in_distress_trope_has_a/

I know this may be debatable, but it got me thinking that tropes can be used correctly and not come off as bad. However, that doesn't mean I'll be making all my female characters damsels-in-distress! lol However, I don’t mind the trope now after watching this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rLfENrnsoQ&index=5&list=PLIYmMkCOWcQf7IN0x7iijVvZ-P5ZIm0xn&t

Anyway, not all female characters have to be absolute badasses who can fight, use weapons, or beat the crap out of enemies with their physical prowess. Whatever happened to writing interesting female characters? A strong female character means a well-written character, not just a woman who is physically strong and able to fight. What, so all female characters have to be physically strong, never get into trouble, not be girly, and never fall in love to be approved? Come on! >_< There's more to a female character than that. Women come in all shapes and sizes, with different personalities, flaws, backstories, and looks, which also includes sexy women. It's okay for a woman to be sexy, just as long as their assets aren't the only focus of their character. And what is wrong with falling in love? Yes, women don't need men to be happy, but what if a woman wants a man? Wanting a man and needing a man are two different things. In addition, what if a woman is NOT heterosexual? Is it still bad for an LGBTQ+ woman to fall in love? Not all female characters are involved in a love story, by the way, but I don't have a problem if love is involved. Romance novels are something that I love so much, for example. *sigh* One of my friends was right about the controversies regarding the dark side of feminism, and I blame the feminazis. I still consider myself a feminist, nevertheless. The point is I am more open when it comes to this sort of thing, but that doesn't mean I don't have limits regarding how women are portrayed. I have my own definition of feminism, so I'll just leave it at that.

9. I am a chocoholic! I just can't resist not having chocolate often, and I eat anything with chocolate more than other types of sweets. Don't get me wrong, I love sweets in general, but anything that contains chocolate is what I will automatically choose to eat. lol Except for Lindt's chili-flavored chocolate. I hate spicy foods, so that's the only kind of chocolatey treat I will not eat.

10. I used to be uncomfortable with doing shippings that involve my fictional crushes. I say "used to be" because it's not the case anymore...sort of. I guess you can say jealousy got in the way, or because I hate the shippings that include my favorite guys, but little by little, I'm warming up to it. For example, in private roleplays, I roleplayed as Sephiroth and he was in a relationship with another female character (won't say her name), and another roleplay was about him being with Ardyn. Yes, Ardyn Izunia! And to be honest, I have fun with those pairings. That doesn't mean I'll do whatever shipping. No way am I ever doing SonAmy! I'm sorry, but picturing myself doing a roleplay of that pairing makes me cringe. It's my least favorite Sonic shipping (next to Sonadow), and I have several more shippings from other games, shows, etc. that I hate as well. I'm taking baby steps, but I'll always have my personal limits regarding shippings. It doesn't mean I'm willing to allow shippings in my character blogs. I might change my mind but who knows.

11. I must confess this. I hate constructive criticism. Back then, I was horrible at taking it, and I have improved a lot over the years, but I still hate constructive criticism today. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but it does hurt. I can't help it. In my poetry class, everyone had to read their poems during workshops where groups of people had to listen and give feedback to each other's poems. At first I was doing okay until one of my poems received a lot of constructive criticism. One specific poem received it the most, and to me it felt like my poem was shot down. The reason it hurt a lot is because that particular poem means a lot to me. They weren't being mean, but it still bothered me. If I had chosen another poem I had for that day, it would have hurt worse because "Angel of Darkness" is even more personal. It's a love poem that I never took to any of the workshops in class. I just couldn't do it. I revised it myself instead because I wanted to make sure it stayed true to my feelings. As for the poem I took to class, my friend reviewed the same poem but I managed to handle her comments better. She was honest, but I took it better than the comments I received in class. I did learn from the feedback, however. I still struggle to not take things like this personally, but I'm trying my best to change that.

12. I was accused of cheating on a test back in elementary school. It was a ridiculous incident! Being the confused and innocent twelve-year-old, I didn't know why the teacher thought I cheated. I know better than to sneak a glance at another student's test, and when I told her I didn't cheat, she didn't listen. Even the other students agreed that I didn't cheat, but she didn't listen to them either. She then told me that she wanted to talk to my parents the next day. I was angry about the false accusation. Not once did I ever cheat my whole life, yet she believed it and even told a few more teachers, humiliating me in the process. I didn't even bother to tell my parents because I didn't do anything. There's a thing called studying. I didn't cheat, I studied for the test. What's weird is on the next day, the teacher wasn't there to ask me if I told my parents she wanted to talk to them. In fact, I never saw her again. I don't know why she did it. Maybe she hated me, I don't know. But it was uncalled for and it hurt.. Damn bitch. Hopefully she got busted over the lie and that's why she never came back. I bet she got fired for it.

13. A few years back, there were a couple of times I wondered what it would be like if I were male instead of female. I was just curious, but someone thought that I was secretly transgender, which annoyed me. It was just curiosity. I never said I wanted to change my gender or felt like I was meant to be born male. I am happy to be a female. Sheesh, people's assumptions vex me.

14. My favorite YouTube channels are Kelly Eden, HorrorStudio1, Cute Mario Bros, AnimeBroMii, JcentsignLProduction, Markiplier, Capitalist, Jacksepticeye, and Nathan Sharp. Kelly is all about cuteness and I just love watching her videos. Plus, she loves Sephiroth too! :D And for CMB and AnimeBroMii, I adore plush videos! I find them entertaining, and I don't care if others find it weird. I find them cute and fun! But SuperMarioLogan is a channel I hate, though. I don't like all plush channels. JcentsignLProduction, Markiplier, Capitalist, and Jacksepticeye make me laugh hard! XD They are hilarious and worth watching to cheer me up! And Nathan...Need I say more??? He is an amazing singer! Oh my gosh, so hot! He also sings for Sephiroth, or "Sephy", in the "Big Bad Bosses" music videos "I'm The Boss" and "Angel".

15. All my life, I've had people who bullied me for no reason. To name one, I once knew a girl in first grade that hated me for no real reason. She was snobbish, vain, and just plain rude. I think she was jealous of me because she only picked on me, or maybe she was a bully to anyone. She stopped suddenly when I told my mom about it, and the bullying never happened again. I get that people can get jealous of others. I get jealous myself, but I won't bully them because of that.

16. Is it weird that I used to be threatened by my boyfriend's gaming skills? When we met, I witnessed how he owned his friends in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. My jealousy grew when I found out he's a master at Sonic games. His friend confirmed that he played all of them. As a Sonic fan, I felt threatened and jealous. Of course, I never thought of myself as a master at Sonic games, but it made me envy him. I had the stupid assumption that I wasn't good enough, but in time I got over it and realized I'm a great gamer regardless of whether or not I perform flawless gaming sessions or ones where I make mistakes and struggle to achieve my goals.

17. My favorite childhood cartoons are Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Yin Yang Yo!, Atomic Betty, Ed, Edd, and Eddy, Samurai Jack (which finally got the proper ending it deserved in May 2017. I'll miss that show.), Jackie Chan Adventures, Xiaolin Showdown, Winx Club (4kids version. Seasons 1-3. Future seasons after that are terrible.), Justice League (and Unlimited), The Powerpuff Girls (original version), Fairly OddParents (only seasons 1-9), and Kim Possible. Now that I think about it, not a lot of cartoons have been good in recent years. But I do enjoy some of the current shows and have a glimmer of hope with a an upcoming one, the DuckTales reboot. I watched several episodes of the original since my brothers grew up watching it, although I never watched the whole series. The series premiere was so cool! Adventure Time and Steven Universe are the best shows on Cartoon Network, and I'm going to miss AT very much when it's over in 2018. I hope SU still lasts a little longer. There's too many unanswered questions and still more to cover! The other current shows I like but have to catch up on are Star vs The Forces of Evil, The Amazing World of Gumball, and The Loud House. I used to watch Regular Show, but I abandoned it because it just didn't seem good to me anymore. I found CJ annoying and she's partially the reason why I stopped. I thought of her as rather abusive in a way. Glad Mordecai never married her. Oh! And I can never forget to include Sonic Boom on my list of shows I currently like and watch. It's my favorite show on CN because hello! I'm a Sonic fan! :D I even have a favorite phrase from an episode: "Faster!! Faster!!! FASTER!!! DO IT!!!"

18. My favorite anime are Sonic X (yeah deal with it, it's been part of my childhood), Black Butler, Pretty Cure, Future Diary, Descendants of Darkness, Devil May Cry, Space Dandy, Kirby: Right Back At Ya!, and Inuyasha. I'll try out new anime and return to Death Note soon because I never finished that one. No, I'm not watching the live-action movie they made. They butchered it far too much, and I'm better off watching something that's worth my time.

19. I like Bubsy Bobcat. Yes, this is a controversial fact, and I'm aware of it. I'm pretty much a new fan. I got his first two games on Steam a long time ago and thanks to the idea of installing Windows on my Mac, I managed to start playing them recently. I can see why people hate it, but I can't seem to hate it myself. Sure I died over twenty times in just the first level, for example, but I still persevere. It's mainly because I'm accepting the challenge in video games, even if there's challenge from beginning to end. Lol However, like everybody else, I HATE Bubsy 3D. And yes, I'm going to buy Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back. Don't try to stop me! XD

20. One of my middle school teachers used to be one of my favorites back in 7th grade. Then it all went downhill when he vanished. I was confused at first until it was discovered that...I honestly can't remember. He was either a pedophile or he owned child pornography. Maybe both since...yeeeeeeah. He went to jail for who knows how long, and the news was all over school. It was a shock! He seemed like a nice guy who wasn't overly strict compared to most of the teachers. It just goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover. It still shakes me up to this day remembering that.

21. I was accused of being a lesbian several times throughout middle school. Just like with the time someone assumed I was transgender, I was irritated. They simply assumed that just because I didn't date any guys often. One, I'm not a whore. Two, I wasn't that determined to find a guy at the time. And three, guys didn't notice me at all! So when I started longing for romance, it was hard to get attention from a guy. They either turned out to be cruel, homosexual, taken, or uninterested. You have no idea how many times I got friend zoned, and it hurt every single time! :( So yeah. I get sick of stupid assumptions like this. >_< I'm not a lesbian because I'm not always dating. Correction, I'm bisexual. People really need to not jump to conclusions and think for once. I hardly dated at all because guys never noticed me until today. I have a boyfriend now, so I just proved them wrong. And no, just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I'm confused or will act promiscuous by dating a woman while in my relationship or do threesomes or whatever dumb stereotype that's associated with bisexuality.

22. My top 5 favorite colors are below and they each have their own individual reasons:

5. Red-Violet

Red-Violet is a recent color I grew to love. You can thank Ardyn Izunia for adding his hair color on the list. It's pretty irresistible, and I wish I could dye my hair that color. XD People would start calling me Ardyn!

4. Light Blue

Light blue, a pastel version of the classic blue, is a cute color I adore and it's one of my favorites out of all the thousands of shades of blue.

3. Yellow

Originally my second favorite color, yellow is one that I adore very much, so it's nonetheless on a high rank. The color of happiness and joy, it's pretty obvious how much I love it. :)

2. Black

I was always indifferent to black until I met my boyfriend. He loves black, and surprisingly he got me into black myself. That's why it's highly ranked, and thanks to Sephiroth from FF7, it reached the second spot.

1. Blue

Blue has been my favorite color for nearly 14 years (and still counting), and it will always be my most favorite color. It's mainly because of Sonic the Hedgehog that my original favorite color pink was replaced by blue and because blue is just a great color. :D Blue rules!

23. Besides bunnies, I love all kinds of animals, but my favorite ones are hedgehogs, bats, birds, cats, and chinchillas. I find all of them cute! I always loved them, but bats are a recent addition after my friend and I did a roleplay of an alternate universe where Vincent Valentine can turn into a small, fluffy black bat. I just found Bat Vincent adorable, and so I started to like bats. And one of my FF7 characters wound up having pet bats too.

24. I have a fear of doing anything in front of an audience. Like singing. I like to sing, and not a lot of people know about it, not even my own family because I never sing in public. I did sing for my boyfriend twice, but those were very rare. I always sing in private due to my fear. Stage fright. Even thinking about singing for an audience terrifies me. I'm starting to think this is a phobia because one time I had to read poems for my class, and I was extremely nervous. I was a wreck all morning, even after class was over. My hands were trembling a little, I felt nauseous so I barely ate anything before class, and my heart beat faster once I stood in front of the whole class. Just having everyone watching me made me feel worse, it's a miracle I didn't just dash out of class and head back home. I wanted to run, but I didn't. I honestly can't do anything for an audience because of that. I get nervous, insecure, frightened, and it's just nerve-wracking. Next time I'll just make sure not to do that sort of thing. It's not worth it.

25. Like all Sonic fans, I know about Sonichu. I knew for a long time, but I never actually looked up the comic. Ever. It wasn't until I found it on a YouTube channel called CorruptedGamingShow. Those videos were a roller coaster ride. Unoriginal, unimaginative, inconsistent, downright ridiculous and disturbing, and many other things that the comic is but there's an infinite amount to list, I see why it's notorious in the Sonic fandom. I pretty much watched every single video of the guys reading this comic, and if it wasn't for their commentary, I wouldn't have made it past the first video. Also, I watched the series twice, so either I go back to them because I love the guys who host the channel or I'm secretly a masochist but I just don't know it yet. XD Oh, and I do know about an infamous comic by AkaiDalia. I may have gone through Sonichu twice, but I didn't say I was crazy to go over her content. Her fan art is enough to make me want to get brain bleach. >_<

26. Aside from chocolate, my favorite foods are chicken, ice cream, cheesecake, jelly beans, apples, tacos, and McDonald's Sausage Egg and Cheese McGriddles and Big Breakfasts. And Denny's amazing breakfast dishes! Yeah! As for my favorite beverages, they are HI-C, lemonade, Kool-Aid, Vitamin Water, Powerade, and Gatorade.

27. My favorite video games of all time are Sonic Colors, Sonic Generations, Final Fantasy 7, Final Fantasy 15, Crash N. Sane Trilogy, Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2, Kirby Mass Attack, Undertale, Crash Team Racing, Crash Bash, Devil May Cry 4, and Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed. Of course, the list is subject to change as I check out other games, from ones I haven't tried yet to upcoming ones that will be released in the future. :D Like Sonic Forces! I just know it will be a new favorite of mine! My character Sorina will join the resistance. My baby is all grown up! Lol

28. My birthstone is the topaz. Actually November has two. The citrine. :3 I have two birthstones!

29. This is a pretty fun fact. I didn't get into Devil May Cry until a while later after I saw a single copy of the HD Collection of the first three games for PS3. Every time I went to the store, it was just sitting there. I was curious whenever I saw it because of Dante (whom I didn't know by name yet), but I never got the game until I finally bought it after a month. Lol It was worth spending $20! Coincidentally, I discovered my boyfriend likes Devil May Cry as well. We got closer than ever! :D We are at odds because of our favorite characters. I love Dante while he likes Vergil, and finds him more powerful than Dante and blah blah blah. Dante still kicked his butt. Though I can't say the same about me beating my boyfriend when we challenged each other in Marvel vs Capcom. He pulverized me as Vergil!

30. I love Disney movies! Many people do, but I wanted to say that. It's part of my childhood, and I adore Disney princesses. :3 My favorite Disney movies are Mulan, Frozen, and Moana, and my favorite characters are Mulan, Elsa, Anna, Moana (they are the heroines in my favorite movies lol), basically all the Disney Princesses, Gaston, Kronk, and Yzma.

31. Everyone knows me as the kind and sweet woman with a love for anything cute and adorable, has a love for video games, is crazy about men (real or fictional), and is both a girly girl and a tomboy. But even I have my dark side, so if someone dares to provoke me in any way or those I care about in a way I don't like, I assure you they will regret it. If someone tries to mess with me or my friends and family, that idiot is out of here. Treat me with kindness and respect, or don't talk to me at all. lol Okay I got dark for a second! My apologies.

32. Sonic and Sephiroth are my role models since I consider them as my two sides. Sonic represents my kind, selfless, and friendly side as I do my best to put others ahead of myself. And I have a personal desire to become a hero somehow. Sephiroth represents my hidden dark side whenever I am in a very, very bad mood and my temper, and I can be too serious sometimes. And I can be cruel to those I hate, which fortunately are no longer in my life but I still loathe them. lol No I do not hate humanity, so no need to run! Sonic and Sephiroth are two of my favorite characters, and I love them very much.

33. I cosplayed once back in high school. Due to the bad memories that followed that involved my former friend, I don't have pictures, but I cosplayed as Sebastian Michaelis from Black Butler. I never cosplayed again because of her, but if I were to cosplay again, my would-be choices are Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog), Sephiroth (FF7), Dante (Devil May Cry), Princess Peach and Princess Rosalina (Mario), Ardyn Izunia (FF15), Nine Asfel (Last Rebellion), Coco Bandicoot (Crash Bandicoot), Kairi and Axel (Kingdom Hearts), Mettaton (Undertale), Yuno Gasai (Future Diary), and L (Death Note).

34. Last Rebellion is one of the games that I like and own, regardless of the poor reviews. I don't love it the way it is exactly, but I do see the potential it could have had if it were handled better. It's a game for the PS3, and I think it's very rare nowadays. I first rented it on GameFly and I admit it's not an excellent game, but I do like some parts of it. I frequently imagine what could have been rather than what actually was, and the game is a bit of a guilty pleasure.

35. Several of my pet peeves include hypocrisy, others accusing me of things that are blatantly false, people mocking Sonic and Sephiroth right in front of my face, people mocking me (who wouldn't tolerate that?), control freaks, and being forced into doing things. The more someone tries to make me, say, dress provocatively, the more I rebel. True story. I was almost forced by others who wanted to give me a makeover. Sorry, but tops that are far too revealing, micro miniskirts, high heel sandals, and fake breasts aren't my thing. I want to be a beautiful woman, not a hooker.

36. My favorite book series that isn't a romance series is "Daughters of the Moon". I read them way back in high school. The series is about four teenage girls named Vanessa, Catty, Serena, and Jimena (Tiana later becomes the fifth girl) as they discover that they are goddesses, Daughters of the Moon, and must fight against evil. I won't say anything else just in case you guys want to check out the series. I honestly recommend it.. I remember how I was deeply immersed throughout all thirteen books. Also, check out the Lunar Chronicles! I finished reading the first book, "Cinder", and it's an amazing twist to Cinderella. The other books in the series include other fairy tale characters that get the Chronicles treatment. Looking forward to reading those!

37. I have a few quirks, one being that I adjust my glasses whenever I'm nervous or timid. Another quirk I have is I like to give my Sonic plushie when I'm alone in my room. Yes, I have a crush on Sonic the Hedgehog! He's been my main crush since I was a kid.  >.< Please don't judge me! My next quirk is common, I bite my nails when I'm nervous. Lately I've been improving on that because I want to start painting them.

38. I have several fears/phobias. Besides stage fright, I'm afraid of spiders (or any bug except for butterflies), heights, water (can't swim), sharp objects, and humiliating myself in public. Spiders scare the crap out of me and I can't even hold a sharp item such as a knife without feeling scared that I might accidentally stab myself and others.  

39. I'm torn over whether or not I want to have children (but lately I'm leaning more towards not having any after learning more about the process of pregnancy and so on), but IF I were to have kids, I already got names. For a boy, I would choose Dante, and for a girl, Sorina, after my Sonic character. If I had more than one or two, the other names I like are Crystalline, Christopher, Zack, Alister, Jason, Emma, Aria, and Jewel.

40. Getting out of my comfort zone isn't easy for me. Some of my friends are aware of this, and although I am trying my best on this, it's still not easy. I don't try things often because I just don't want to try them or I don't know if I'll like them or I'm just nervous. I did a few times, and I wound up hating Indiana Jones, Lord of the Rings, and soap operas. I would rather get out of my comfort zone at my own pace, and being forced to do things just makes it difficult. I've gotten into trouble with my former friend over this, and she didn't understand that forcing me to try things isn't what friends do. I'm not saying I'm extremely stubborn. I will try things if others recommend them. The keyword is "recommend", as in suggest them but don't drag me into them. I'll give things a chance if I want, which is what I did with LOTR, but in the end watching most of the trilogy was boring. Those who are fans of the books/movies, I'm truly sorry, but it's just not my thing. Not even Harry Potter, which was something I tried out of pure curiosity, and I was bored throughout the entire first movie. So please, let me expand my experiences at my own pace and respect that I may not like certain things. ^^; It isn't fun being forced into doing something, or else I just won't enjoy whatever it is I'm told to try.

41. I almost became a fan of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. I bought the first book after hearing that it's an erotic romance (and I'm such a kinky woman >//////<). But then I realized the abusive themes going on during the first book. I never finished it, and I got rid of the book after reading the reviews about them, and they gave me more information about the abuse between the two characters. I can't stand abuse, and I hated realizing I wasted over $10 on that kind of book. Fifty Shades of Abuse? No thank you. >.> I'll stick with Debbie Macomber's romance novels. Or any romance novel that has actual well-written romance and not toxic relationships. Basically anything but FSOG and Twilight!42. I'm going to mention Sephiroth again, but believe it or not, he's the one who got me interested in psychology a few years back. It was at a point where I wanted to get inside his head, which I can say must have been a precursor to my eventual desire to create my own Sephiroth blog. :D I took a few psychology classes to learn more about the subject, and Criminal Personalities was my favorite one, mainly because it involved the mention of criminals. We had to do a paper where we had to diagnose a criminal, either a real person or a fictional character, with one of the ten personality disorders to show how much we understood what we covered during class as opposed to actually believing the person/character actually has a disorder. I obviously chose Sephiroth for my paper, and I got an A. An A! I have never felt so happy in my entire life when it comes to this! I never got an A on a paper (I always kept getting B's or C's), so this meant a lot to me. I still have my paper online. If you're curious, I wrote that Sephiroth has the potential to have either Antisocial Personality Disorder or Schizoid Personality Disorder. But due to missing criteria considering how much of his backstory pre-Crisis Core is still vague to an extent, either diagnosis is considered unlikely. So yeah. Sephiroth got me an A! XD I also noticed some people have assumed Sephiroth may or may not have autism, but I don't know. Random fact: Even Sonic is assumed to have ADHD, but again I'm not certain. What do you think? To be honest, even if Sonic and Sephiroth actually have ADHD and autism, respectively, it won't change how I feel about them. I'll still love them. Same with L from Death Note if he's autistic. And any character that's believed to have some type of disorder. Personally, I don't see these headcanons as my own about these characters, but I respect those who do have them.

43. My favorite singers are Selena (may she rest in peace, she died so young ;_;), Bentley Jones, Hilary Duff, Ellie Goulding, and Gackt. Selena is obvious, her music was fantastic! My favorite song of hers is "I Could Fall In Love". Bentley Jones sings several Sonic songs, and my favorite song is "So Much More". Hilary Duff is a childhood singer I just adore, and I went to one of her concerts! My favoite songs from her are "I Am", "Rock This World", and "All About Me". I consider "I Am" to be my theme song. It just seems to fit me. Ellie Goulding is a singer I love, and she sings my most favorite love song of all time, "Love Me Like You Do". Gackt is my first favorite Jpop singer, and oh gosh, his voice is hot! Favorite song: "Vanilla". I would say why, but the translation of the lyrics will explain my reasons better. *blush*

44. My favorite numbers are 1 and 100. Despite my feelings of being an outcast, to me the number 1 means there is only one of me. Everybody is unique and I am beginning to accept that about myself and not feel like I don't fit in anywhere. It's still a long journey, but in time I won't feel like an outcast anymore. As for 100, I just like big numbers, and that one is my favorite of them all.

45. My nickname that my family calls me is Bunny. Another nickname I gave to myself is Jan. I love bunnies, so the first nickname is self-explanatory. lol Jan is short for my name, Janice, and it sounds cool in my opinion.

46. I was once paired up with someone in class as part of an assignment. Each pair had to create a PowerPoint of a band and present it later (and you know presentations give me major anxiety). Unlike everybody else, I didn't get a say on the subject because the stupid teacher didn't talk to me about it. I was absent when the assignment was revealed, and she didn't even talk to me about it and let my partner choose the band, which went against the other pairs that were free to talk about which band to write about and present. It also didn't help that as my freshman year of high school continued, the teacher kept giving me a bad time (even deliberately giving me average to bad grades despite doing very well in class). I have a feeling she hated me or she was racist considering that I stood out from the rest of class. I was bullied countless time by a bunch of jackasses, and the teacher did NOTHING to stop it. Hmph. Bitch.

47. I don't drink soda. No really, I don't like any kind of soda, or any kind of beverage with gas. The gas irritates me, the feeling of the gas in my mouth just annoys me, so I stay away from any fizzy beverages. Although Mountain Dew is an exception after my boyfriend introduced me to a certain kind. But other than that, no soda for me. I'll stick with my Kool-Aid, lemonade, Gatorade, basically any beverage that doesn't have gas.

48. Recently I found out that Phil Hartman died back in 1998. Okay, I never knew him outside of the movie "Jingle All the Way", but I NEVER knew he was murdered by his third wife. Ever. I found out in July when I was on YouTube and watched a video about video game mascots that got canceled for messed up reasons. One of them was Blasto, a character that was voiced by Phil Hartman, whose series never made it past the first game after the tragic death of his voice actor. I know I wondered why he never showed up in movies again, but I didn't expect this. I've watched an entire playthrough of Blasto, and I admit he was a real good actor. It's sad that he died so soon.

49. I've had a YouTube channel for years, and I didn't do much on it until now with my first ever video game playthrough, Final Fantasy 15. It's still technically ongoing due to upcoming DLC and I'm going to do post-game stuff for sure, I swear! >.< I've been busy but it will happen. So yeah, FF15 started it all on my channel and it's fun to play games and upload the videos online. More playthroughs are on the way, so FF15 and Crash N. Sane Trilogy are currently my only ones, the latter also ongoing because I have yet to collect the relics for Crash 1 and 2. I'll do it hopefully in a month. Wish me luck!

50. Finally, the last thing about me is I see Sonic the Hedgehog as my hero. Ever since I was a kid, when I first watched Sonic X, I took an instant liking to him. As time went on, I began to idolize him and to be honest, he's the reason why I managed to endure such tough times growing up. I admired to the point the where I wanted to be more like him, and despite what others have said, I succeeded. I was an entirely different person way back then, and Sonic made me into the woman I am today.

I'll make a post about Sonic and how much he influenced me and so forth because I'm aware that this post you have been reading is long enough! Thank you Kelly for inspiring me to do this! You rock! :D If I make a second part of this sort of thing, I’ll make sure to not add too much. I got pretty passionate on a lot of these.