#i’ve spent countless hours creating a christmas playlist which doesn’t include any songs about loss or missing loved ones
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#tw death#[.]#it’s weird the things you find yourself obsessing over and prioritising when you’re given the chance to prepare for when a loved one dies#like i’m big into christmas. it’s my security blanket & i have an ‘emergency christmas’ playlist on my phone for when i’m melting down etc#& with dad’s health being what it is. i’ve become obsessed with the need to create a playlist for mum to listen to after he’s gone#i’ve spent countless hours creating a christmas playlist which doesn’t include any songs about loss or missing loved ones#please come home for christmas. lonely this christmas.#even have yourself a merry little christmas isn’t okay#so yeah. i don’t know if it’s normal to be prioritising christmas music in august when you know time’s running out but#when it happens. his absence will be everywhere.#the last thing i want is for her to not even be able to listen to music without it rubbing it in her face#idk#that’s what i’ve been up to lately 🤷🏻♀️#sorry. i’m rambling at 3am#also#i lost my uncle and a family friend in the last two weeks and my mind’s been fixating even harder on christmas since then#the effort i had to put into NOT making gifs of tim in a santa hat in ‘go’ because it’s fucking august & not everyone is insane like me 🙈
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