Tumgik
#i'd been meaning to make this ever since pinned posts became a thing
riorangedeezguts · 7 months
Note
(9> make em seethe, I'm playing with fire here lmao)
Okay, so your name's Rio Ranger...
But like... as in the term to arrange?
Just like how you rearrange your clothing with those of the deceased to appear more human for your liking? :)
Along with how you keeping switching those cards to rearrange your facial features and mimic a smile because you're physically incapable of making one yourself? :)
And how you keep arranging your pretty-boy personality to keep up with your father's standards? :)
Doesn't being referred to in such way make you feel more inferiorly inhuman?
(sorry this took so long to answer, anon! I've been thinking abt how I wanted to do it for awhile now, and I can safely say the ending is a bit disturbing lmao)
TW: a touch of body horror at the very end! (It's separated from the rest of the writing so you can't miss it, and the cut is for brevity since this is kind of a longer post. Enjoy!)
Tch. Look at the grating grin on this bastard...
"Hey, shit for brains! I'm the most human of all the dolls dad's ever worked on!" Ranger reminds you, flapping his expression cards against your forehead a few times in clear exasperation, as if to scold you the way a dog owner might lightly hit Fido with a rolled up newspaper. "Don't'cha know that means I'm the best of both worlds?" With a paper smile pressed to his lips, he goes on to explain why.
"First of all, I can't get sick and die like you losers, and even if the me standing before you became scrap metal, there's puh-lenty of backups for my code, my parts, my blueprints, my possessions... Dad's got alllllll of that junk on file in case something happens."
And yet, the doubt still creeps into his mind.
A masterpiece, huh?
What masterpiece constantly feels like shit?
"But I get it!" He exclaims, interrupting his own thoughts. "I get it! Really, I do! I'm sure it just gnaws you up inside knowing my dad loves me so much. Call me a gambling man, 'cause I'd bet big on you not thinking he was capable of it, what, with how stony faced he tends to be." Then Ranger pauses. "Say, whadda you think, bastard? Am I my dad's son?"
With the purposeful flick of his wrist, his mouth is no longer concealed by any cards, revealing nothing but the thin line of his lips behind them and the darkening whites of his eyes. Orange and yellow swirls of madness twist their way through the murk, pinning you in place beneath the weight of his gaze and the lack of a smile.
"The resemblance is uncanny, wouldn't you say?"
But something about the way you keep smiling at him says you expected this outcome. You think you've won, you cheeky bastard?
"What's wrong with being a bit inhuman, eh?" He asks tonelessly. He's asked himself this question a thousand times, because he is human in all the ways that count, isn't he? That's always what dad said.
"I'm a masterpiece with or without my humanity," he adds convincingly. You'd never guess he was trying to convince himself with those words too.
Why? It stings to question dad, but why?
Why was he made like this? Why does he doubt himself so much? Why aren't dad's answers ever enough? Every. single. time dad tells him the truth, and every. single. time Ranger squanders it.
He hates himself for it. But he hates you more.
"You're lucky your clothes are so damn ugly," he says to you at last, lazily eyeing you up and down once before turning on his heel to walk away, not even bothering to raise his cards as they hang dejectedly at his side. "You're not worth all the clean up killing you would require."
.
.
.
If only he could flay you alive.
Wear your frail, peeled skin like a mask, and see the look of horror in your eyes as the sight of your own face is the last thing you see. Skeletons can't smile back, after all.
But maybe, finally and at last, he could.
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cosmicangst · 4 years
Text
WRITING MASTERPOST
ao3 / fic tag / pp meta / tot meta / joseimuke meta
shinkane
➳ here, and where you are (wip) pride and prejudice/regency au where akane and shinya flirt by intellectually bullying each other until they fall in love
[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ]
➳ honeymoon period (complete) some vague universe where everything is all right and akane and shinya are two newlyweds basking in domestic bliss
[ 1 ] [ 2 ]
➳ la petite mort (wip) akane and shinya have a one night stand that inexplicably lasts for more than one night. canon-divergent
[ 1 ]
➳ like real people do (oneshot) akane goes to a compatibility-match date but ends up getting hamburgers with shinya instead. canonverse
➳ like tears in rain / eight seconds left in overtime (two-shot) shinya hallucinates. often. it says a lot that he’s known her ghost longer than her. canon-divergent
➳ a loose bolt of a complete machine (oneshot) he’s human and she’s not. the former fact is questionable. blade runner au
➳ photokeratitis (oneshot) wherever she goes, the skeletons follow. akane runs away with shinya and nearly drowns. canon-divergent
➳ four things plus one thing fic where shinya deals with his jealousy throughout the years (oneshot)
➳ that childhood au where shinya is completely oblivious to his own feelings (oneshot)
➳ that one reincarnation au where shinya is stuck in a tragic sorta time loop (oneshot)
➳ that one where they discuss the possibility of alternate universes. this is like the prologue of all my fics lol. canonverse (oneshot)
➳ that one where she dies and he destroys a city. second pov. yep, i know. (oneshot)
➳ that post-pp:fi lunch date that was promised (oneshot)
➳ that san junipero au where aspiring writer, akane, visits the afterlife to write about the late famed detective kougami (wip)
[ 1 ]
➳ date night post-pp3 (oneshot)
ginaka
➳ first impressions (oneshot) introspection on nobuchika and his changing relationship with his inspector. canonverse
➳ the only words i know (oneshot) akane and nobuchika and months-long foreplay. canonverse. mildly explicit.
➳ that one au where teenage friends--nobuchika, akane, shinya and shuusei--go to an amusement park (oneshot)
➳ that one where they’re in an established relationship and have to learn how to confront each other during fights. canonverse (oneshot)
other psycho-pass
➳ that appreciation fic for father’s day reflecting on masaoka tomomi and his many children. canonverse (oneshot)
➳ that buzzfeed unsolved au where kagari is ryan and kougami is shane (complete)
[ 1 ] [ 2 ]
➳ that post-pp1 missing scene where akane and yayoi grieve for a lost friend through baking. canonverse (oneshot)
other fandoms
➳ [dragon age] a prayer in a burning church (oneshot) cullen rutherford unfortunately believes in fate and the herald’s first words to him are written on his palm. soulmates au
➳ [the legend of korra] that college au where korra and korvira become reluctant roommates
➳ [mass effect] that canon divergence where a miserable and terminally single shepard and garrus meet and bond during a wedding
➳ [nightshade] beginners (oneshot) 10k smut post-game where hanzo and enju address their insecurities and bang each other for the first time
➳ [persona 3] lather, rinse, repeat. (oneshot) akihiko and how he fell in love with death. second pov warning
➳ [tears of themis] no rules in breakable heaven (wip) a college-aged rosa attends a party and ends up getting rescued by an off-duty darius morgan. explicit 10k smut.
[ 1 ]
➳ [x-men] there aren’t any more guns in the valley (oneshot) logan, and his many lives. fox canonverse. second pov warning again lol
drabbles (aka too short to merit a spot above)
➳ psycho pass:
[ginaka] nobuchika wants to tell her something desperately
[shinkane] akane bakes. shinya flirts.
[shinkane] college au where akane is the t.a. and shinya is the professor and you fill in the blanks
[shinkane] akane and shinya become an aunt and uncle respectively 
[shinkane] if poetry, not music, be the food of love
[shinkane] that feeling you get when you get that one hug from a specific person
[shinkane] shinya comes to a realization as akane annoys him with snow
[shinkane] sibyl!akane vs. kougami
[shinkane] that one where they act like schoolchildren and annoy ginoza
[shinkane] that one where they get some fucking sleep 
[shinkane] that one where they reunite in the middle of a gunfight in the forest
[shinkane] that other au where they elope and live in a cottage
[shinkane] that vague pining shit of unresolved relationships you think about in the middle of the night
[sugino] the tragedy of martyrs and bad endings
➳ other:
[cheese in the trap] that one where in ho marvels at sul’s laughter
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sweetcathedral · 3 years
Text
🖤Hero Academia — Aizawa🖤
Note: I thought I’d post an old work here. Also, b/c I’m seeing a lot of minors migrate to ao3, I’m thinking of switching all my works to here since it’s easier to monitor, which means I’m deleting my ao3.
⚠️: bulge, breeding, somnophilia, cnc
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He’s late. Just as you thought, but that’s expected of Pro Heroes and you can’t blame him for being one. You knowingly accepted your common law conditions, so you can’t complain. You reached for your phone hoping to see his name tangled within the notifications.
NekoZawa: late
Was the only message that caught your attention with a little bit of disappointment. Deep down you already knew it’d come to this, but you still can’t help feeling let down a bit. As you were about to change out of your getup a series of sharp knocks startled you, catching you off guard.
“It’s mee!” shouted the familiar voice.
Midnight?!
You rushed to open the door.
“Kayama? You’re ba—,”
“Ahhhh! So cute, so delicate, just youth!” she huffed in excitement at the sight of your longline lace bra and single-ruffled panties.
“Ah! Wai—youth? You know we're not that far in age,” you said, as you try to hide behind the door.
“Please, I'd kill to be 5 years younger, and don’t even try hiding from me. Even though he doesn’t care much about looks this definitely falls within his tastes,”
You blushed at the compliment, wishing it had come out of Aizawa’s mouth instead.
“Anyways,” she continued, “how about some bubble tea? I got your favourite,” she whipped out a bag of drinks from behind her. You wonder if she knew of your plans and came to cheer you up.
Who am I kidding, she’s an R-rated hero. Her sixth sense is basically her sex sense.
“Yeah, I could use some company,” you smiled in relief, thankful for her sharp intuition.
Before you knew it, 9PM became 11PM in what felt like 30 minutes and that heavy feeling weighing on your chest left after a couple of laughs here and there. You couldn’t help but feel better in the presence of Kayama, you have no choice but to feel better in her presence.
“And after I showed his class a pic of you, that grape idiot said ‘ if that raggedy ass man of a sensei is able to snatch a woman like that then there’s still hope for me, right?! Right?!’ in that stupid lisp of his! I couldn’t help, but cackle in his face! Hahahahahahahaha!”
“Grape idiot?!,” you laughed, almost choking on your tapioca.
“It caused this huge uproar which took Aizawa an hour to settle down,”
“Sounds like an exaggeration to me,”
“Really? Then I’d have to ask Principal Nezu for permission to let you visit. Hmmm, maybe a surprise visit during his birthday, I’d get to see that purple shit bleed from his eyes again. Hah!” she said, her sadistic side twinkling in her eyes.
You could tell she wasn’t lying about the surprise visit as she hummed her thoughts between sips of beer. Although you know how much Aizawa likes to keep his private life separate from his professional life, your thoughts couldn’t help but ponder in curiosity at how he acts around his infamous class 1-A students. All he ever does is complain about them every time you ask, but just thinking about him acting like the strict teacher Kayama says he is . . . makes . . . you . . .
“Oi, oooii . . . I said OI!”
“Gah!”
“What the hell’s got you blushing like a dazed mess?”
“Blushing? . . . !”
You clasp your hands over your face, as if you’re trying to keep your thoughts and daydreams from escaping. You let your imagination run wild just from thinking about Aizawa as a teacher — his strict demeanour and cold eyes piercing through you . . . his deep growls muffled at the base of your neck as his grip tightens around your waist and hair . . .
“Oh! What time is it?” Kayama exclaimed, disrupting your thoughts.
You reach for your phone to check the time, seeing 11:17PM illuminating from the screen before flipping it to Kayama.
“Perfect!”
You cock your head to the side trying to think of what could make Kayama that excited, but before you could react, her quirk had already taken hold of your consciousness.
Aizawa let out a heavy sigh staring at the time on his phone. It wasn’t the first time he’d let you down like that, even though it’s out of his control he still can’t help feeling disappointed in himself. Pro Heroes always have unpredictable schedules, but still, he’d wish his schedule had gone his way today.
“Thanks as always, Eraserhead. I’ll send the details your way once we’ve confirmed the date,” Tsukauchi reassured, dismissing him for the day. Aizawa nodded in response, finally, he thought. As he walked out of the station, his phone vibrated.
Ugh, what now?
He reached for his phone and unlocked his screen.
Kayama? Probably just more cat pics.
But much to his surprise, the series of pics caused him to stop in his tracks.
Kayama: Bon appétit! *kissy face*
Was the only message that followed at the end of the series of pics. After Kayama used her quirk to put you to sleep, she happily cleaned the place up and settled you prettily onto the bed in an innocent, but also, somewhat tempting position. Who could blame her? She had a knack for setting up tempting situations for her best friends. Aizawa tapped on each pic, examining the details of your delicate lace bra and fluttery panties. He really wished his schedule had gone his way today. The longer he stared at each pic, the bigger his temptation and pent up emotions grew — frustration, doubt, confusion, jealousy, anger, greed, love, lust, it was causing him to lose all sense of logic. You were causing him to lose all sense of logic and he hated it. It’s his first time experiencing something like this, he’d never romantically loved anyone until you came into his life. At first you were just like any other Pro Hero he teamed up with in previous missions, but the mission you two took on escalated into an emotional high profile case, which caused him to spend more time with you. One thing led to another and now, you’re each other’s common-law spouse. Both of you could care less about the huge wedding traditions of planning a wedding day, banquet halls, invitations and all that, but unexpectedly, he did buy you a wedding ring — a customized designer ring at that. Not only does he not care about appearances, but he also doesn’t seem to care about prices, so long as it serves its purpose.
“Uh, Eraserhead? Everything okay?” Officer Sansa tapped on Aizawa’s shoulder, breaking him from his thoughts.
“Huh? Oh, Detective Tsukauchi already settled on a date already?” Aizawa quickly locked his phone and tucked it back into his pocket.
“Um, no, he was actually worried about you . . . you’ve been standing still here for a while now, just staring at your phone . . .”
The logical Pro Hero himself didn’t even realize that he stopped walking and was surprised to see the station still behind him. Tch .
“. . . yeah, I think I should head home now. Someone’s waiting for me. Thanks, Officer Sansa.”
He waved at the cat officer before tucking his hand back into his pocket, unconsciously digging his fingernails into the palms of his hands in frustration. He hated this feeling . . . and he can’t wait to take it out on you .
Aizawa hesitates to open the door, unsure of how he’d react when he sees you for himself. He carefully turns the knob, making sure not to make a noise that’ll wake you from your peaceful slumber. You were just like the pics Kayama sent him — back exposed with the soft glow of the city night lights highlighting your dainty shoulder blades . . . arms clutching the pillow from underneath that pretty little head of yours . . . one leg hitched up to the side while the other was elongated and tucked half way into the sheets . . . As he reached to caress your face, he noticed his hand trembling from suppressing his temptation. Tch. He pulls his hand back in frustration.
“ . . . mmph . . . Shou . . . ta . . .” you murmured in your sleep in between heated breaths.
That was enough for Aizawa to let go of any sense of logic and common sense he had left, and before he knew it, he was hovering over you — the weight of his body sinking into the duvet. His eyes trailing over your features, watching your chest rise and fall with every breath you take — a reassuring feeling that you’re real and very much alive to him. He annoyingly hears his name from the teachers at UA all the time, but when it whispers out from between those pretty lips of yours, it made him experience a feeling he wasn’t used to controlling. He gave in, leaving trails of kisses that slowly turned into hickeys and then bite marks. He felt bad for leaving those marks on your supple skin, but he also wished they were permanent, as if the wedding ring doesn't speak for itself anymore. Aizawa’s grip tightened on your thigh at the thought of anyone else touching you, pinning your leg to your chest. His rough hand traces down your curves before slipping them in between your thighs — a wet sopping mess.
Ah, her panties are ruined . . . shame, he thought as he ripped a slit open, big enough for what you’re about to take in. Whoops . . . I’ll just get her a new one.
The temperature of your body was rising as he continued to press up against you, leaving marks on your collarbone and teasing your insides with his thick calloused fingers. A wave of pleasure ripples through your moonlight kissed skin, slowly pulling you back to your senses. You bat your eyes a few times to shake off the heaviness weighing on your eyelids.
“ . . . Shou—haa . . . !” your body twitched as another wave of pleasure came over you, shaking off your sleepy numbness, awakening your sense of touch as you grip his forearm trying to get him to slow down. It was no use given how enamoured he was with your reaction, your measly grip is as light as a feather against his strength.
“Haa . . . wait . . . slowdow—mmph!,”
Aizawa places his hand over your mouth, silencing your relentless begging. You finally noticed his flushed face and entranced eyes — a face you’re not used to seeing.
“Shut up, if you know what’s good for you,” his deep voice reverberated in your ear, sending a ripple of shivers down your neck. He was a completely different person in a completely different headspace. The only thing that can bring him back to his senses is your safe word, but you know that if you give in he’d completely stop and resist touching you for days as penance for losing control. But . . . you love it when he loses control along with his sense of logic, so you melt into your favourite position, signaling him to release all his pent up emotions in you — a mating press. You bite your trembling lower lip, begging with your wet eyes as a smirk played across his face. He gently kisses your forehead before pulling down his bottoms, revealing his thick throbbing cock. Your cunt twitched at the sight of it, squeezing out your fluids, dripping down like honey.
“How badly do you want it?”
“. . . badly . . . Shou~ta~ . . .” you cooed.
His cock twitched at the sound of your light and airy voice, precum drips onto the sheets.
“Not yet,” he said as he began stroking his cock on your clit, making sure not to let an inch slip inside you. The sensation drives you crazy as you whimper and whine for him to fill you up inside, desperately begging with your hips. But Aizawa’s firm grip on your thighs won’t let you, and keeps you from getting what you want. You miss the feeling of being bred full . His strokes were getting faster, his panting turning into growls. Your body tensed and toes curled as the feeling came closer, letting a desperate sigh escape from your mouth.
“Already? But I’m not done with you yet,” he playfully whispers in your ear before ramming himself inside you.
“Haa!” you yelped.
Your plump walls twitch at the sudden movement, tightening itself around his cock.
“That’s my good girl,” he chuckled, cockingly.
Tears well up in your eyes as you bite back your whimpering. He grabs your hand and firmly places it on your lower abdomen,
“Do you feel me? I’m right here.”
With your hand firmly placed on your stomach, you can feel his bulge every time he strokes his cock in you. He keeps it there, so that you have no choice but to feel it until the very end — up until his cum fills you up inside. His long strokes began to shorten, each stroke getting harder than the last and unable to hold in your pants and moans. Not only can you feel the warmth fill you up, but you can also feel his cock releasing globs of his milk from the bulge protruding from your lower abdomen. Your fingers dance around it making him twitch, his bruising grip tightening around your wrist.
“Fuck,” he grunts, looking down at the mess you both made.
Your cunt was swelling at the amount of cum it’s trying to keep from spilling, gushing out every time your sticky walls twitch. Before Aizawa was about to pull out, you grab his arm,
“Wait . . . not yet,” you must’ve been pouting when those words fell off of your swollen lips cause you’ve never seen his features soften like that before. He lowers himself, feeling his weight sinking into the bed as he tenderly kisses your forehead, brushing your slick baby hairs from your face . . . the warmth of his forehead resting against yours . . . the reassuring feeling of his hand gently cupping your flushed cheeks . . . You reach for his face, thumbing the scar under his eye, diving in for a deeper kiss and wrapping your arms around him. His heart begins to beat harder as you begin to feel his cock swelling up again from inside you.
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ifuckinglovedio · 4 years
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Here you go, @emraldblade16
I just realized I didn't say anything about my carrd (and therefore rules) on my pinned post... maybe I should've made some things clearer. But, since you couldnt have known, I've decided to make a one time exception to my rules. I hope this is about what you wanted? I wasnt sure how to go about this, and extremly anxious, trying to make sure I do well. I hope you like it QwQ
(Btw, I know you asked for a female reader and while I tried, these came out mostly gender neutral. I hope that's fine >~<)
Relationship headcanons for DIO, Trish & Polnareff w/ a female s/o
DIO 💚
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Dio rarely truly cares for people, and love... it was almost like a foreign word to him
But you, you were... special. There was something he felt looking at you, something indescribable. He didn't understand it, but he knew he never wanted to let you go.
He sees you more often than anyone else, often demanding your presence simply to have you there
Your relationship develops gradually. There's never a big confession, but at one moment you just realized you started thinking of him as your significant other, and it was an unspoken but obvious truth he felt the same
I'd imagine him to be very affectionate towards his partner
Loves physical contact, will often have you sit on his lap while he reads or something and every once in a while press gentle kisses to your head or neck
His favourite pet names for you are darling, dear, love, sweetheart & princess
Spoils you with gifts. Whatever you could ask for, you get. What kind of god would he be if he couldn't even fulfill his lover's material desires?
Very overprotective. Won't let you leave the mansion on your own, usually sends one of his followers with you, though if he's in a good mood you might be able to convince him to have just pet shop guard you
Every once in a while you go on walks together at night. DIO practically rules over this town, and he's proud to stroll through the streets with his darling.
Often asks for your opinion on things. Even if you're not very knowledgeable about the topic, he genuinely values your opinion, and it curious what you think.
Ever since you came into his life he felt a lot more at peace and way more determined. He's sure now, so long as you're by his side no one could ever defeat him. And he'll do anything to make sure you stay.
Trish 🌸
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You met her one day while strolling through the city, her vibrant outfit immediatly catching your eye.
When you saw her again later that day you just knew you had to talk to her, and so you did
You complimented her looks and she smiled, making you heart beat a little faster than usual, even more so when she told you she liked your style as well
After some small talk about fashion she gave you her phone number, saying you just had to go shopping together one day. There was a special store she wanted to take you to, and you should text her once you find some time
You two quickly became close, and you could feel yourself falling for her more and more the more time you spent with her
So when one day she confessed to you, you felt like you were dreaming. You were absolutely quiet for a minute, processing what just happened, before happily falling in her arms.
I feel like Trish would be very lowkey about relationships, but that doesn't mean you'd feel any less loved. She's just not the overly affectionate type, she prefers just spending some quality time together.
Often asks you to help with her make-up, and at least once insisted on wearing matching outfits
Sends you a "good morning" text everyday.
Bought you a strawberry flavored lipstick once. Those are her favorites.
As a pop star on the rise, she practices singing a lot, often times in front of you. Her voice is your favorite thing to listen to.
When you can't be together you often spend hours talking together on the phone.
Likes to call you "Amore" - love, or "Bella" - beautiful.
Polnareff 🤺
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Absolutely the ideal boyfriend... I envy you for your great taste.
First time you met him was probably when he came up and started flirting with you. We all know he just cant resist pretty girls ~
But he wasn't what you'd expect from guys who just flirt with ladys they dont know, he was different, he was funny and charming, and you couldn't help but chuckle at his silly jokes.
He invited you to a drink, and since you were free for the afternoon anyway, you went along.
You talked the whole afternoon. He told you stories of his travels, and you quickly realized it's been a while since you felt this light hearted around someone. When it was time to go he asked whether he could see you again, and your answer was obvious.
It didn't take long before you two became a couple officially.
He tries to teach you a little French. It's his dream to go visit his home country with you one day, show you around.
You know enough french by now to understand the compliments he mumbles under his breath whenever he's caught off guard by you.
Loves complimenting you in general, but it's always geniuene.
Don't ask him to help you pick out clothes. He will genuinely find you breathtaking in everything, even if you wore a potato sack.
A very chivalrous man. He loves to make you feel special, taking you out to romantic spaces, buying dinner for you, bringing flowers
He loves to see you smile. Will often randomly tell jokes or do silly things just to hear you laugh
Watches romcoms with you and cries during the sad scenes. Takes your hand/shuffles closer to you during the overly romantic ones.
Hugs, hand-holding, kisses - hell yeah. Big into PDA.
Extremly respectful. Pays close attention to what you like and what you dislike and surprises you with things you yourself had forgotten you wanted
Tried to cook dinner for you once but failed horribly. It ended with you ordering take out and deciding you'd try together next time.
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emma-what-son · 4 years
Text
(Echee post) Emma Watson criticises 'dangerously unhealthy' pressure on young women
Posted on March 30 2014
From theguardian.com March 2014 Emma Watson has criticised the "dangerously unhealthy" image projected by the fashion industry and said the pressure to look perfect has taken its toll on her. The actor has also described her doomed attempts to merge into the background as a student at an American university, where she found herself being trailed everywhere by British photographers. After the recent New York premiere of Noah, she tweeted a photograph of the array of cosmetics – and a guardian angel pin – that she said were essential aids to her flawless appearance, and another of herself in a backless dress captioned: "I did NOT wake up like this." The actress said she is better at taking criticism these days than she once was. "As a younger woman, that pressure got me down, but I've made my peace with it. With airbrushing and digital manipulation, fashion can project an unobtainable image that's dangerously unhealthy. I'm excited about the ageing process. I'm more interested in women who aren't perfect. They're more compelling." Watson became famous playing Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies and has been constantly in work since. She is about to start filming a thriller, Regression, by Alejandro Amenábar and is also trying to complete her degree at Brown University, Rhode Island. She enrolled in 2009 for what would have been a four year course, but has taken several breaks for film work, and spent a year studying at Oxford. "After Harry Potter, all that mattered was university," she said, in an interview with the Sunday Times. "It wasn't always easy to break down barriers, as having men from the British press following me with cameras didn't help my mission to integrate. The American press, by contrast, "afforded me so much privacy", but her fellow students recognised her at once. "On the first day, I walked into the canteen and everyone went completely silent and turned around to look at me. I had to say to myself 'it's OK, you can do this'. You just have to take a deep breath and gather your courage."
GUARDIAN COMMENTERS SAY: So something like this Burberry campaign she did a few years ago? Hypocrisy at its finest. She flaunts with the fashion industry and enjoys its perks all the time, but hops on the 'female beauty' bandwagon and enjoys a moan when it suits her. I'd find her socially conscientious pleas convincing if she hadn't profited in the hundreds of thousands (if not millions) from the big, bad, evil fashion/beauty industry. A few years ago, Emma Watson appeared in high-profile advertising companies for posh Paris fashion house L'ancome. I'm guessing she was handsomely remunerated for her 'work'. Certainly she was not forced into letting her photo shopped image be used to market expensive cosmetics and perfumes. Did she only discover how 'oppressive' the fashion industry is when L'ancome cancelled her lucrative contract? Ms Watson is essentially a third-rate actress, and her pronouncements on large and complex issues, such as the pressures on women, are so idiotically vapid that one is brought to conclude that she really can have very little aptitude for higher education. I mean, her comments are hardly indicative of an educated person, or even of a moderately literate or intelligent person. By the way, I understand that she spent a year at Oxford as a visiting and/or exchange student while enrolled at Brown. How come? She is a British national, and so by rights she should not have gone to Oxford on a visiting/exchange student programme, irrespective of whether she happens a student at an American university. If I am wrong about this, then I should like to have some explanation as to her status at Oxford, and how she came by it. Otherwise, I suppose that one might be forgiven for thinking that it is yet another case of a once respectable academic institutions bowing down before the false idols of celebrity and money. (This is quite apart from the fact that all that one has read about her since she began life as a student concerns her acting career, her modeling and her various boyfriends.) SOME COMMENTS FROM THE DM ARTICLE Notice how it's always people who are very aware of how attractive they are that babble on about how it's okay to have physical blemishes? I'd like to see an ugly person say the same thing. Only someone young, beautiful and with her whole life before her can say that, and mean it. Sometimes, her comments maKe her more stupid. Get lost and Wingardium Leviosa. What a daft thing to say. But, then again, this is coming from someone who can't seem to finish uni. I feel like I've aged about 10 years reading this article. Annoying girl. Not only annoying, but also pretentious and disingenuous. ^None of this is my words. It from commentators from two sites emma-what-son posted many more so check out her page
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Here's what I think As for what she is saying about Brown it's a complete 180 from how she described it before 2013. In 2013 she started to elude to the fact it was not as great as she made it out to be. She gushed how wonderful her experiences had been to so many magazines. Now I think she's looking for pity and to have excuses why she never stayed at Brown. She preached how she was staying put. I am so fucking tired of having to post quote after quote proving my point with this when she lies time after time. She is not honest! What the truth is doesn't matter because she always lying. It's a constant thing with her. As for the pressures on women she is really a piece of work. The guardian commenters summed it up nicely. She had no problem attaching herself to Burberry and Lancôme. She's had no problem giving them praise and talking about fashion and make-up in just about every interview. That part where she talked about photo shopping and air brushing. Just wow! Did she see the Wonderland magazine she edited? Some photos it didn't even look like her. She'll continue allowing her image to be manipulated no matter what. She thinks she’s aging? She still looks 15 without all the make-up and photo shopping. Last year she was stopped at JFK because they thought she was a unaccompanied minor. Did you know one of the product she pushed when modeling for Lancôme was an anti-age cream? That's the dumbest comment in her entire interview. But really she's said this kind of stuff the last three years and most notably in 2011 where she had a various quotes about body image and being comfortable in your skin. I wont bore you with those quotes since I have before. She gets lauded for those comments and people place her in role model status but when you closely look at it they were just words that meant nothing at the time other than to make people think, “Emma is so anti-Hollywood!! She’s a role model for women and young girls” but meanwhile she never believed in any of it in the first place. At the time she said those things she was at a more healthier weight than she ever was. In 2011 you can tell she either stopped working out or ate more. I thought she looked her best then. Now she’s back to stick thin and even surpassed it a way IMO is unhealthy. She sending a bad message to women. From standard.co.uk July 2011, “She sees modeling as an extension of acting, in fact - just playing a role - but is conflicted about its demands. “I think the pressure the media and the fashion industry put on women to look a certain way is pretty intense. There’s a certain tyranny to trying to achieve that kind of beauty. I don’t know, I’m maybe not the best person to speak about this because I obviously completely adhere to it,” she laughs nervously. “ ^She really needs to start taking her own advice and quit being a judgmental hypocrite. Not just with this topic but everything she tends to speak out against that she does it herself. Recently she tweeted a photo of all this make-up and I posted this on my tumblr days ago
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^Same phone in this photo is what they're using in the bottom photo that I also posted on tumblr She said something else recently (Sunday Times interview) that is just typical Emma. I covered this a few times. From emmawatsonbelgium.blogspot.be March 2014, "For someone who has starred in eight blockbuster movies and is worth an estimated £30m, she is endearingly modest about how green she felt leaving Harry Potter behind in 2011. Emerging from that magical machine was “really intimidating”, she says. “I’d done two tiny plays when I was, like, six and eight, but I wasn’t driven to act. I wasn’t doing Oscar acceptance speeches into a hairbrush." Yeah it might have no been a hairbrush but who knows she could be lying about that. She'd practice her speeches in mirrors. From telegraph.co.uk July 2007,  "Pauline is utterly obsessed with being an actress and I was just like that when I was younger. I dreamt of it. I practised speeches in front of mirrors. Whenever there was a part at school, I went for it. I was probably a bit of a show-off in the sense that any chance to get up and be seen, I did it. I was such a drama queen. I used to wail and moan and cry, and little things were blown up into being big things. I don't know how my parents stood it, really. I've grown up a bit. I've had to. I actually really want to be an actress, a proper actress who makes it her career. I'm always expecting to be found out and I thought, If I'm no good, now is the time to find out." She really wants people to think she all of a sudden wants to act. What I think is she is really trying to distance herself from her lack luster post Potter career by making it out like she now wants to act and that’s why she has no lead roles because her resume does not equal her hype. The last few years she’s separated herself from “always wanted to be an actress” to “I was not sure”. She’s being disingenuous as usual and people believe it. Plus she said she did modeling so directors and producers would look at her differently so that's why she used Burberry and Lancôme. And she did a course at RADA in 2008 so if she was not sure or didn't want to than why did she do these things? One more thing from the Sunday Times interview From emmawatsonbelgium.blogspot.be March 2014, "It’s about as close as she’ll get to revealing anything about her newest relationship, with Matt Janney, rugby hunk and Oxford’s most eligible bachelor. “I can’t comment on it, I’m sorry,” she says, suddenly jumping up and hastily bundling her things back into her bag, which has exploded across the sofa beside her. “I’m trying to keep my private life sacred, although I don’t want to lock myself up and never go out. So I guard it, because I don’t date people who are famous, and I don’t think it’s fair that, all of a sudden, intimate details of their personal life are public as a direct result of me. I find that so uncomfortable, and I wish there was a way I could protect those people, but it’s not in my control.” When I suggest her boyfriends are consenting adults, she looks worried. “But you don’t choose who to love, who you have feelings for, do you?” She throws her phone into her bag and retreats home to pack, as she’s flying to LA. Just a normal girl, then, off to present an Oscar."
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So she can go to international magazines and complain she can't find a man or that men are intimidated by her? She had in the past before Will Adamowicz. It was in almost every one of her interviews for a few years. So she can use Matt Janney (this new guy) on a beach in a bikini PDA session as a publicity stunt to cover up her ex boyfriend being caught rolling coke bombs and also use him to product place an iPhone in Madrid but she wants to keep it private? And she doesn't date famous guys? What about Johnny Simmons (Young Neil) and George Craig (Front man for rock group One Night Only)?  If you can Google their name and you see them in movies or music videos, they're famous.
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hoopdiddies · 5 years
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I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 8)
A/N: Ayoooo. Hey guys, here's part 8 and I'm so sorry if the previous chapters kind of frustrated you. I didn't really mean for it to but I hope you enjoy this one. I'll be posting 9 tomorrow or the day atfter. Thanks again for your feedbacks, y'all motivate me a lot ^^ ♥ (My Wi-Fi has prejudice against tumblr rn)
Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.
Warnings: Angst, bois. ANGST (I cried like a sucker during one part I wrote 😔) mention of blood, yet again drinking, some speckles of fluff, and unnecessary dialogue if you look closely enough :^ I feel like a terrible writer today
WC: 4k I think?
Tags: As always my taglist is always open uwu
@haendel-me-with-care
@mrsdoradominguez-barnes
@mickmoon
@lakef
@mrsmazzello
@valeriecarolinaw
@queen-turtle-boiii
@hardzzellos
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"You look...beautiful." Ben's comment is indeed one thing to start the night. It's not like he's never told you that before–it's just the tone in which he has said it in is...different. A foreign tone never been released from his lips until you. You look up at him through your lashes, giving him a slanted smile accompanied by a bubbly chuckle. "Thanks. You smell nice too."
The corner of his eyes crinkle as his curving lips push them up. As expected, Rosy chimes in between you and Ben almost too quickly, the blurry speed in which she has arrived in making you gasp. "Excuse me, babe. You got interviewers on your tail and I- oh," her brows shoot up upon seeing you, seemingly haughty eyes flicking up and down your outfit in mild contempt.
"Surprised to see you here as well." The smile plastered on her face couldn't be any more forced than it is.
Girl, chill. Anti-aging soaps are not easy to manufacture these days. You begin holding your breath to prevent yourself from bursting into a fit from hearing that thought ring in your head. You shrug, garnering the guts to shift on your heightened stance and lean in an inch close.
"You're not the only one with a celebrity date."
You turn around too early to gauge her reaction, finally exhaling from holding your breath too long. You can finally conclude that she's had an effortless transition from being benign to far from being benign. The smoothest one-eighty you've ever witnessed. You remember her clearly being downright considerate of you the first time you met her yet now is a whole different story. You wonder if she was actually ever considerate.
As the boys and Lucy indulge in brief interviews, you stand behind the scenes and get the first-class chance of conversing with Brian. He's readily the coolest person in the house right now, bantering with you every once in three, fascinating topics. How fortunate are you to be in the spot a million Queen fans would die for but of course, you don't want to leave out Roger who - by a landslide - makes you wish you could wheeze and snort all you want if you weren't in a luxury event such as the Oscars. He seemed intimidating for you at first but as he joined in your talk with Brian, things escalated real quickly.
With the pre-ceremony interviews and the clinking of champagne glasses dampening, you begin hunting for your seats in the theatre.
Before you know it, you are informed that only a specific line of people are given exclusivity for the seats. And it shocks you that Joe, Allen, Ben and Gwilym are not given that card when in fact they were part of the very film that brought forth a new generation of fans.You shake your head disappointingly albeit contented that Rami, Lucy, Brian and Roger and their wives are part of the exclusivity.
Utterly determined to know the results - by Joe's 'sovereign' vote - the rest of you hang around in the waiting area, focusing on the ceremony rights shown on TV. Quietly sitting through the results, you all whoop and applaud at the mention of Bohemian Rhapsody obtaining three awards straight– your cheers amping up a notch as Rami brings home the 'Best Actor' award. Joe begins filming your reactions for Instagram, zooming into Gwilym, Ben and Allen's faces for most of the video. You throw your head back in laughter at how goofy the boys look; a bunch of men in their 30's bouncing up and down with one of them documenting the entire episode. At one point, Gwilym yanks as you in for a group hug, mercilessly crushing you in between their muscles– the disorienting experience now being something you wish you would never undergo again.
As Rami's thank you speech unfolds, you pay attention closely. The sentimentality of him lovingly thanking Lucy for being his anchor after dedicating his award to Freddie Mercury is just overwhelming and you wish you could tear up but your mascara would be waste. You're certain that made Brian and Roger emotional as well.
An hour after the ceremony, you all head down to the Vanity Fair after party in the same limo you had arrived in with every single person in the group eager to get the night progressing. Regardless of saying that these type of parties are not up to your speed, you try to get along with the evening and revel in what you know would be your last night with them. Sadly enough, Roger and Brian had to skip out on this with rough schedules on their hands. The moment they walked out of the place, they spent nearly half an hour congratulating the boys and having other celebrities congratulate them.
As you are seated across Ben and Rosy, you can't help but notice him acting a little distant from her. She's all nuzzled up against his arm and he is nowhere close to returning the favor. He's just...lost in thought, staring out the tinted window. It's still early to assume that in all the hours you were within a close range to them, Ben only ever acted aloof, giving her attention when the situation required it.
Perhaps a lover's tiff took place?
"Yeah, I'm wondering the same thing too." Mimicking your position, Joe calling you back to Earth makes you gasp a little. You close your eyes and look at your fingers blankly after recovering, sighing. "I think we should end all this pretending. It was simply a cop-out in the first place."
"I know," he whispers audibly enough for only you to hear, running his fingers through his fiery, red hair, "you should probably come clean soon enough before you leave."
And that you will. At least, you'll try.
In your defense, you thought the after party would host a fancy banquet but seated around with celebratory drinks -considerable with something classy - and attendees breaking down on the dance floor is a rather okay scene as well. As long as you don't end up like the night you were invited out for a drink with your colleagues, you should be fine for the most part.
The boys and Lucy have fully immersed themselves in the beat of the music while you've decided to remain stationary with one glass of wine, the only glass you'll be having for the rest of the party.
The entire time you gawk at them amusingly as they break out their dance moves, your eyes always find their way to Ben, who makes you snort painfully from all his antics as he moves along with Joe. They're a mess with their ties and buttons undone from all the movement and the sight inspires you to stay put.
But oh dear lord, can Ben dance like an uncle.
Keeping your attention on them, a descending weight sinks down next to you. You pay no mind to whoever it is but do as her voice interrupts your thoughts. "I hope your eye is on the right person, honey." You click your tongue in exasperation, turning your body towards Rosy and her developing, bitchy tendencies, scoffing as you place your drink down to set things straight with her. "First of all, what did I ever do to you to deserve this kind of talk?"
She smacks her lips together at you, simpering. "You didn't think I'd notice?"
"What are you talking about?"
Her almond eyes narrow as if she's trying pin you down with a warning. "Please, don't act like I never noticed. You're overstepping that boundary between you and your best friend- my fiance." Okay, so she's noticed. But your neutralized expression is not going to be giving away anything.
You incline your head to one side in hopes that the facade you're pulling would decompress her suspicion. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Ben is like my brother. "
Grabbing her drink from the table, she sighs and stands up, hands firm on her hips and face silhouetted under the beaming light nevertheless giving you a transpiercing glower in the manner of seeing through the makeshift barrier you've pulled up. "He better be. Try backing off every once in a while when I'm around."
To your dismay, you snap inside, whipping your head up at her and replying sharply to make the message crystal clear. "Rosy, you have no idea." Unable to withstand the atmosphere you're in, you put great emphasis on your words and snatch your drink, walking out to the mini garden to finish what's left of your wine without having to bear being around her.
The question is unadulterated and obvious– bold and italicized if you wish to give it a stretch and clarify it.
Why is Ben still with her?
Is he that clueless not to realize it?
You don't want to pry the answer out yourself but ruminating on it, Rosy pulling off a full one-eighty only when Ben's at an appropriate distance for her to squeeze you between her fingers is just about good as a reason as anything. Your unwavering feelings for Ben are clearly perceived by her– from the way you had reacted the day he introduced you both to each other to not so long ago.
You wonder if Ben ever took heed of her growing attitude towards you.
Finishing your wine in one, immediate, swig, you place it down on the marble surface before you with your fingers cradling the stem of the glass– relishing the spicy liquid flushing down your throat.
At the extent of overexerting themselves, Joe and Gwilym flop down back on their seats like jelly, tuckered out from the unconventional combination of alcohol and unsteady movement. Panting like a dog who had just participated in a marathon, Joe shrugs out of his blazer and tosses it over his shoulder, silently wishing the ice in the bucket that held the bottle of wine would save him from the grinding heat of the wine he had just about five minutes ago.
"Mate, you're deep in the heat." Gwilym comments as it is followed by a gentle laugh on how Joe's glistening in sweat under the dimming lights. He hands him a partially bland look before wiping his forehead with his handkerchief. Lucy and Rami are situated at other end of the place enjoying a chat with another party of people meanwhile Ben and Rosy are nowhere near any of them. Until, of course, they reappear from God knows where and Ben suddenly asks Joe where you've gone.
"I-I don't know." He says after a hefty sigh. Somewhat eager to find you, Ben begins excusing himself from Rosy whom which he has spiked a bitter reaction from for sharing his supposed time for her with you. Fed up and jealous in the slightest, Rosy snaps at him.
"Okay Ben, why do you always have to skip in between minutes to hang out with her even when we're together?"
He pauses from turning around completely and sighs. "She's my friend, babe."
Unwilling to accept his statement, she claims. "Well your friend is getting in the way of what was supposed to be our time together! Can't you set aside a limited time for her?! " This has alarmed Joe and Gwilym but it isn't their business to butt in and stop a quarrel from breaking out. Unless it turns physical, which is doubtful to happen. Ben, a little frustrated but still tolerant of her ongoing skittish behavior, tries to reassure her. "I know that, alright? But something's been bothering her for days and I just want to make sure she's doing alright."
"Can't you leave the worrying to Joe? He's her bloody boyfriend anyway!"
Wagging his forefinger at Rosy, Joe grumbles as he is not having any of her talk, scrunching his brows at her.
Grabbing her shoulders gently, Ben tries to relieve her of tension and assures her once more, but with a well-known fact she obviously still doesn't accept. "Joe's a little drunk. She's like...a sister to me," it really took him an abrupt pause to say 'sister', "besides, you're my fiancee. There's nothing to be jealous about."
"Why does she still have to be a part of your life? Our life?" Now that's a question that has just shifted Ben to a farther side. His brows knit together in momentary disbelief, unable to take her words in a good light. "God, Rosy! She's been around for so long! At least make an effort to accept her!" Like a slap to her conceitedness, Ben turns on his heels and walks out to find you. Leaving Rosy a steaming mess of insecurity.
However slightly drunk, Joe mutters to himself as he makes sure neither Gwilym or especially Rosy hears his words stumble out in a whisper. "You've grown a pair, Ben. You've grown a pair."
You've been outside for nearly half an hour; wine glass empty and your hair, along with the skirt of your dress, drifting along the harmless breeze and the waning moon spilling some light from behind the shaded clouds. Though there were a couple of people that found their way here to get some respite not too long ago, you're just glad to have this space to breathe in from the draining background of the party.
As you lose yourself in thought, a certain voice brings you back to reality.
"Nice night out, huh?"
Turning around slowly, you are met with the cool, forest green irises that you've grown to never tire of seeing. "I'm surprised you're still well-kept in that suit despite the scene back in there. " You give in to a chuckle, your smile pulling Ben to approach your side leisurely. "It's my Oscars suit. Something worthy of protecting."
"Hah!"
As he rests his elbows on the surface next to you, the distance between your skins makes you a tad bit anxious. Comfortable silence falls upon you both– for Ben at least, it's tolerable however you're not taking it well, not even in the slightest. You rub your hands together and sigh, prompting Ben to finally ask you.
"You alright? You've been tensing up lately."
You nod, closing your eyes and opening them afterwards. "This dress is just depleting me of bodily warmth." Half a lie told by you. Acting on his thoughts, Ben begins taking his blazer off but you stop him mid-shrug. "Keep it on. You look better with it on."
"This would look better on you, you're obviously freezing." He's really keen on keeping you warm but you're just as so in letting him keep it on. "I'm serious. Keep it on. I'm fine."
What can he do but just give in? When you're serious, you're serious. He lifts his shoulder in half a shrug, ducking his head as an idea flickers in his head like a bulb. He wants to relive something that has been lost through the years and it's only right that he does...now that you have less than a day to disappear from his life completely.
"Y/N..." He muses gently. You raise your brows at him in question, taken by surprise that he has his hand held out to you. Bewildered, you raise your finger to ask what on Earth he's doing. "What- what are you doing?"
He licks his bottom lip and the smile on his face becomes bashful but certain. "What else does it look like I'm doing, silly girl? Asking you to dance."
You're sorry that you couldn't keep a snort at bay. "Pfft. Ben, I think you're asking the wrong girl."
"Just let me dance with my best friend."
"Wow! That's noble of you," your chuckles can not be contained, even so much as restraining yourself from letting the blush spread throughout your face. But he has the fragments of what was once your heart, so why wouldn't you? You slip your hand in his and the grin on his face widens. "There we go. Easy does it." He breathes out, his voice getting gravelly. You hit him softly on his chest for cooing, at the same time realizing that his voice becomes that way only and only when he's nervous– something uncommon between you both. As his hands find home on your waist, you throw your arms around his neck, laughing at how awkward yet funny it feels. What a huge nod to how you danced with him on Homecoming.
"You're so weird sometimes. You got your fiancee, why don't you dance with her?" Getting used to the sting of referring to Rosy, you question anyway. He initiates with a sway before responding. "I already have. But, " he diverts his heavy-lidded eyes from staring off the distance to yours and suddenly, it feels like you're home, "I want to finish that Homecoming dance."
You find yourself speechless as you shift your unflinching gaze at him and he at you, your bodies swaying along the concrete and in perfect sync, coincidentally to the sudden change in music from inside, compared to the bittersweet night you had before the day that parted you both. Thin silence hangs in the atmosphere but only because you are looking at each other in a way you never have in your entire lives.
Instinctively, you break your gaze from his and rest your head on his chest, your hair falling into your face as your eyes screw shut. You hear his heart skip a beat, unusually in the same manner yours always has. Feeling your head follow the rise and fall of his chest tickles you inside– temporarily making you forget about the pain of soon letting him go and producing a sense of safety.
Maybe it's because of exhaustion? You wonder. He doesn't hesitate to stroke your hair and revel in the moment as well, easing you in closer to his body without breaking the sway. "You'll be there on my wedding day, right?" He asks nervously, his question pulling you back to the harshest reality.
You open your eyes slowly, your lips trembling as you let out the saddest sigh, feeling your chest tighten from the anxiety of soon telling him the truth.
"Y/N?" Your tensed-up body alarms him and so he breaks away and lifts your chin up lightly, being met with glossy and regretful eyes. His messy brows drawing together in slight worry. "What's wrong?"
Everything.
However uneager to push him away, you do, escaping his warm embrace. "Ben, I..."
He's dreading for your answer, painfully anticipating for the best or the worst to the point where his hands are lubricating with sweat.
You swallow the lump that has hardened in the back of your throat, pressing your lips together to prevent a sob from escaping and shunning his prying stare. "I can't..."
Joe's half-assed predicted, worst case scenario is slowly unfolding.
"What are you saying? You're not- you're not going...to be there?"
You bite down on your lip hard enough to make it swell, shaking your head and casting a sideways glance.
"Why?"
Tell the truth. Just tell him and you're either getting a support or another jab to the heart.
"Y/N, please! Tell me why!"
"I'm leaving, Ben!" The words didn't seem to stumble or carelessly flop from your lips, in fact it speared through him clean thereby catching him off guard. His eyes have fallen gravely, lips parted due to shock.
"I got into a medical school I had previously applied for. And I'm leaving," you snap your eyes shut and open them in tears once you've looked up at him, "on your wedding day."
"Why didn't- why didn't you ever tell me?" He's pleading for your explanation, barely clinging on to the belief that you would always tell him things.
You don't answer as you are battling to muster up the courage to say it.
"Y/N, please! You never tell me anything these days! And this- this news, it's important! You're leaving on the day I need you the most, and you never bothered to squeak a word about it! Not a single, bloody word! Why?!" He's racked up with disbelief and apparently, anger. Eyes rimmed, clouded with mixed emotions and face full-blown red from the pressure.
He grabs you by the shoulders and pleads heartbreakingly, his lively voice reduced to but a whisper. "Why..."
"I-" You're still holding back.
"Say it! "
"You'd soon forget about me, Ben!" You inhale sharply as you add, croaks present in your voice while you take two steps further away from him as you lament. "I'm hopelessly in love with you, you idiot! I've always been. I try- I try to brush off every single prick that stems out every minute I realize that you already belong to someone else..."
"Y/N-"
"I figured not telling you would help me let go. And it's the only way I can...because screw you for being a clueless, irreplaceable bloke! I can't imagine my bloody life without you in it! I don't think I can ever love anybody else...but you, "
"Y/N..."
You don't let him finish and achingly throw your hands to your chest as a gesture, pounding your chest thrice as you're finally wearing your heart on your sleeve. "I can't blame you for being oblivious to my feelings. You're committed to Rosy...and as much as I want to see you happy, I don't want to stand idly by and- and feel this way when you've pledged your heart to her...I want to forget and for you to forget me," As the warm tears you've held back for so long roll down your cheeks, you hug yourself through the pain, "I want you to be happy without worrying how I'd feel. And disappearing from your life, is the only way I know how..."
"Y/N, please, don't say that- don't do this...you can't do this...you c-can't..." With hands shaking, he strides towards you to haul you in back into his arms but you take an agonizing step away, stopping him in his tracks. "I have to. I...I want to. It hurts so much, Ben. It always has but promise me," even if you have taken a step away, you take it upon yourself to take those steps close to him and cup his cheek with a cold hand, "promise me you'll revel in that happiness. It's going to hurt being away from you. But it's going to hurt even more if I stay. And watch...my best friend grow old with someone else." Finally rendering him wordless, you shake your head and whisk past him back into the party which has died down a bit, leaving him a pondering mess out under the bleak sky.
"How could I be happy without you..."
You'd gladly do anything to go back home right now. The weight of what just took place is crushing you and the need to escape is fuming. But the thing is, Ben was never one to let you go easy.
He never did and possibly never will.
He sniffles and inhales sharply, jogging in after you and calling out your name amidst the constant noise and chatters. "Y/N, wait!"
You reach your table just in time to see everyone still gathered around with drinks raised and laughs released but you have to excuse yourself deliberately. "Y/N? Where have you been? What's the rush?" Lucy notices your hastened movement and places her hand on your tense shoulder. You snap your head at her with your purse in your grasp, shaking your head and apologizing that you have to leave, forgetting to rid your eyes of tears; the sight of you amping up Lucy's concern therefore leading you into her embrace. "Oh my god, are you okay? What happened?"
"Y/N!"
Ben's distant but audible voice echoing through the place just sends you panicking inside. "I'm so sorry, Luce. I have to go."
"Y/N, wait! What's wrong?"
Just as the rest could react to Lucy calling out for you and Ben dashing past them to catch up, you've already disappeared into the crowd, headed out the theatre to take a cab ride back to the hotel. Relentless to let you go, Ben follows your trail, spurring a quick frenzy from the rest and having them pursue Ben in return. Once you reach the outskirts of the pavements, you don't think twice before crossing the highway with your focus hardened before you.
Gasping for air upon exiting the theatre, Ben glances around in haste and finally spots you marching down the street oblivious to your surroundings despite treading along the pedestrian lane. His eyes widen in dread and acting on a fight or flight reaction, he yells for your attention as he speeds down the street to pull you in or rather save you from a possibility of getting hurt with all the rushing vehicles and careless drivers. "Y/N! Y/N!"
The boys, Lucy and Rosy arrive outside just in time to witness Ben race towards your direction and in a moment of feeling time slow down, you feel your heart in your throat at the late flash of nearing headlights, to add a heavy force propelling you off your feet and onto the other side of the road. What gets you up from the ground are the mixed screams of a familiar bunch and the sight of a bloodied man in white laying unconscious on the cold surface of the road.
White noise suddenly fills your ears instead of your own voice as you scream out his name.
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trashlord-007 · 2 years
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So. Tana? Is that correct? Well as your secret Santa thought I'd stop in and say hello! So many questions and such a limited character count. I guess I should start with the basics....who's your bias? Is it Jongdae? Your avatar is him but I don't want to just assume. How long have your been an exol? Do you have other interests? I saw your pinned post about gaming....what games are you into? Why is your favorite color your favorite color? What is your favorite color? Do you have a favourite song? If it's not an exo song which of our boys' songs is your most cherished? Go to song for a mood pick up? What sort of things do you create? Have you ever killed a man? Favorite movie or book? Why? Best moment in fandom life? What YouTube video have you watched the most?
I'll stop there and save some for later.
🎁🎄🎁
Hiii, my super awesome Secret Santa!
Tana is indeed correct~ welcome to my small corner of Tumblr!
Jongdae is my bias <333 I love him so much T_T who is your bias? or biases? I know some people have multiple, especially in bigger bands. To be honest, my ult top 10 has several EXO members! But Jongdae will always be my EXO bias, and my ult bias across all of kpop!
I've been an EXOL since... Tempo! While I enjoyed their title tracks before then, bought their songs and listened to their MVs etc, I didn't truly appreciate them until I listened to the Don't Mess Up My Tempo album. Everything clicked then, and I realised I had been so wrong about them before T_T and after listening to all their previous music it became evident that they'd always be my number one~
I do have some other interests. Like you saw, I enjoy gaming. The Mass Effect and Far Cry franchises are my everything <3 no matter what else is happening, I can always return to them and find some semblance of peace... it's hard to explain. But you can fish in FC5! Sometimes I just pop the game on to do that. Or turn on ME:A to travel between planets - it has this awesome feature where it's kinda like you're piloting the ship to each one. I've been thinking of Feros and Noveria again, which are missions in the first Mass Effect. They are my favourites! and I also need to finish my AC Syndicate playthrough so I can move forward to the next--
Sorry,,, heh, I tend to ramble T_T it's a bad habit of mine. Do you game?
My favourite colour is blue but I'm not sure why! It's just... pretty. Any colours that remind me of nighttime ambiance, stars and space, etc are my favourites too. The universe is so perfect.
Favourite song... that's too hard T_T well, I'll keep it easy by saying Monster by EXO! Which is your favourite? EXO or otherwise? and which solo is your favourite? Have you listened to Xiuminnie's new song? I LOVE IT !
I have a playlist called Cheer Up, Buttercup! and the first song in it is Good Day for a Good Day by Super Junior haha. There's a lot of GGs in it too, like Twice and Saturday.
I mainly create problems.
Err, I mean, I mainly write but I'm dipping my toes in GIF-making too!
I plead the fifth.
Interstellar is my favourite movie!! (... is it becoming obvious yet how obsessed I am with space?) and my favourite book is... wow, I can't believe I'm gonna be cliché like this but... probably Wuthering Heights? Or maybe The Gunslinger by Stephen King. What about you? I'd love to talk books or movies, especially if they are horror or sci-fi haha.
Oh... why... I'm never really sure why I like the things I do but I will say that I've seen Interstellar countless times (I even watched parts of it every time I went to the dentist lol). Before that was Avatar... and the second film is finally coming out!! T_T I'm so excited! As for the books... haha, I guess what makes a piece of media/fiction wonderful is the emotions it invokes.
It's the small things, like amazing events and excited conversations, that make fandom great.
My most watched YouTube video as of late is probably one of the music playlists I use to write, like Brian Tyler - I'm Sorry [Far Cry 3 ] (1 Hour Version) or Dark Clubbing / Bass House / Dark Techno Mix 'SINFUL'.
Now, my friend, I am curious about you! What's your most played YouTube? What do you like to create? Best part of fandom? Do you listen to music when you create? and if you do, what do you listen to?
It's so exciting to have a Secret Santa! I hope this answers your questions adequately and I look forward to your response!
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