#i'll ideally update it again around christmas time

[pocketmemes]

i'll be updating the masterlist tonight !

[californ1asnow]

Call Me Up Again - pt. 2 Mike Schmidt x Reader

Part two of All Too Well Angst!!! So much angst everyone I've decided to turn this into a miniseries, this post being the second part. I'll continue to link chapters as I post them This is also being updated on ao3 (cough cough) No warnings this time 1.9k words

Snowflakes fall silently, coating everything around them in a white dust. The wind blows with a crisp chill, nipping at all the rose-pink noses. It sends shivers down the backs of those who dare be out in this weather. The pumpkins and fake graveyard decor that had once littered every home’s front yard has long since been swapped for tinsel garlands and pine wreaths. 

The Schmidt residence beams with colored string lights and holiday music. A tall, sturdy evergreen sits patiently by the window. Its branches are decorated with years worth of homemade ornaments, ranging in all size and age from both Mike and Abby. The red skirt beneath it falls relatively empty of presents, only donning the few small ones Mike could afford to buy this year. They’re wrapped pathetically in an old birthday paper, the only wrapping Mike could find to reuse. 

Usually, the tree is so full that he’s had to store things in his closet, but that was when you were still a part of their Christmas. Stockings hung happily above the fireplace and a love so innocent it wraps the house in a warm glow. However, it’s void of that feeling now, instead Mike is left to pick up the pieces that you once fit together. Abby doesn’t understand why you don’t come over anymore, or why Mike has been so quiet lately. All she knows is that something went wrong, and now everyone is upset. She’s stopped bringing up your name in conversation when talking to Mike, because it always ends with him withdrawn and retreating to the solidarity of his room. 

That didn’t stop her from drawing you, though. Sometimes she’d sit at her desk, tears collecting in the well of her eyes, and doodle old memories of the three of you. She remembers them being happy, but by the time the crayons were set aside and the picture was finished, it was a glum mess of dark blues and frowning faces. 

After a drawing is finished she’d slip past Mike’s room, quietly tiptoeing out the front door, and make a break for the house across the street. Your house. She’d work fast, her feet carrying her quickly to and fro. It was unclear from her perspective whether you paid attention to what she’d give you, but by the time she slipped a new piece of paper underneath your door, the old one she had gifted you was gone. 

Mike was unaware of it all. 

He had found a new job in town where he could bury all his thoughts. It was working construction for a local contractor, a job that certainly wasn’t ideal but it paid better than what he’d been used to. Unfortunately, it required longer hours and ate up all his free time, meaning Abby needed a new babysitter. A job that was once happily filled by your company, now replaced with an afterschool program suggested to him from a flyer he found at work. He hated the thought of her sitting in essentially another classroom, surrounded by strangers and snotty kids, but it was his only option left. 

With a third of his paycheck dedicated to it, Abby now spends her weekdays at the nearby YMCA. 

The first time he told her about the new program didn’t go over very well. He remembers it clearly.  

“Abby please,” his irritated voice interrupts her incessant protesting, “listen, it’s the only place that can watch you.” 

“No it’s not!” She yelled at him, her finger pointing to your house across the street, “I want her back!”  

A pang of guilt struck his chest at her words. The lack of your presence has clearly been taking a toll on the both of them, but it’s the first time Abby’s ever been so vocal about it. He crossed his arms with a sigh, watching his little sister stare up at him with solemn eyes. Her lip quivering ever so slightly, evident that she’s holding back tears. 

He crouches down to her level, just like he had done to you so many nights ago, “I’m sorry,” he pleaded with her, “but she’s not coming back right now.” 

Her head shook with disbelief, stubbornly stuck in her spot, “Then make her come back.” 

–

You’re not sure when the Mike shaped hole in your heart stopped aching, but it’s significantly less sore compared to a fresh wound. That’s not to say the constant reminder of him and Abby living across the street from you doesn’t sting. It’s hard enough to ignore all his calls, but trying to get to your car while avoiding his gaze is even worse. Eventually, he gave up on contacting you by the third month of radio silence. It hurt both of you, but you knew deep down neither of you could continue functioning like how you were. 

The back and forth pull of his affection took too big of a toll on your mental well being. You can remember every moment down to the exact detail of how much you craved for him to just do something, anything. 

All those times you held him in your soft embrace whispering sweet nothings in his ear, reassuring him everything will be okay, just for him to turn around the next day and never bring it up again. Or when you’d run your warm fingers through his hair to calm him down after a panic attack, and he’d let his head rest in your lap. Words of affection dripping off his lips like a rich honey, warming you up from the inside out. Then he’d disappear for a while, claiming he needed some space to figure stuff out, all the while you’d beg and plead for him to tell you what’s on his mind, only for him to give you nothing back.You stood by him regardless though, keeping a silent promise that you’d always be there for him when he needed it, a love that was never reciprocated back. 

A long sigh escapes from you, eying the new delivery that just appeared by your door. You shuffle towards it weakly, unsure if you really wanted to torture yourself by looking at it. It’s one of those things that curiosity will drive you to do, unable to ignore it like a pedestrian passing by a car crash. The paper crinkles under your touch, unfolding it reveals the familiar childlike style of Abby’s drawings. A man drawn in green crayon frowns up at you, holding hands with an equally sad looking child. Your gaze drifts over to the other side of the paper, highlighting a person relatively similar to you standing alone with their arms crossed, angry. Your heart hurts at the sight of it, knowing that Abby is implying that you’re angry at the two of them. You shake your head quickly, trying to evade any tears that threaten to spill. It’s not fair for Abby to be caught in the middle of whatever is going on between you and Mike, and you realize that. 

The sound of your phone ringing breaks your train of thought, and when you check the caller ID your breath hitches. Standing in the middle of your living room frozen with indecisiveness, you stare at the screen while chewing on the bottom of your lip. Without thinking, you accept the call.

“Hello?” 

There’s a sound on the other end of the line, somewhere in between a choke and a gasp, and then your name is mumbled out in disbelief. 

“I didn’t think you’d actually pick up…” Mike’s voice is still a little startled, mimicking the internal panic in your chest. 

You suck in a deep, steady breath before answering, “Yeah, I didn’t think so either.” There’s a slight pause from both of you, unsure how to continue the conversation. It’s felt like years since you last heard his voice. 

“Are you…doing okay?” 

“...Yeah.” Your answer is unconvincing, but Mike doesn’t have any ground to be able to question it. So it’s left like that, timidly dangling in the air between you both. 

You hear shuffling in the background, and a smaller voice asking a question before he dismisses it. Your heart lurches thinking about how Abby is there, trying to figure out who her older brother might be on the phone with. It almost makes your cool demeanor crack, urging you back into your savior complex. 

“Uh, sorry about that,” your phone crackles back to life, “anyways, I wanted to ask you something.” 

“Oh okay.” 

“Can you,” he stops, leaving you on edge, “meet me somewhere?” 

The lack of response from you causes him to start rambling, going on about how it would be better to talk in person, and how it would be easier if you could see each other’s expressions. Soon afterwards, a string of apologies ensue, and you pinch the bridge of your nose in frustration. 

“Okay Mike. Promise me this will be worth it.”

“I promise.”

–

A young waitress stares nervously at your booth. Orders continually piling up, hungry customers giving her rude looks whenever she ignores their impatient huffs. It’s been a good thirty minutes since you first showed, and she’s checked up on you at least a handful of times by now. Mike had suggested this little diner down the street from your house, and you agreed to meet here. 

However, it seems like you’re the only one who showed up. 

Your back is pressed against the uncomfortable foam board of your seat, a leg bobbing rapidly out of habit. You pick at the pills on your sweatshirt sleeve, trying to avert your gaze from the sympathetic waitress. Prior to your predicament, she had asked if you were dining alone, and you told her no. However, It’s starting to look like you just might be. With anger bubbling inside of you, a voice in the back of your head is saying you should have seen this coming. It’s so typical of Mike to make promises that he’s unwilling to keep. 

The air smells like grease, mostly from the old fryers sitting in the back of the kitchen. Oil bubbling and brooding in their tanks, waiting for someone to drop a morsel of food so it could shrivel in the scalding lard. Stomach stirring with disgust, a wave of nausea washes over you. It’s unclear exactly what’s causing it, you’d like to give credit to the sleazy restaurant, but something deep down points to the lack of a certain person’s company. 

You keep your attention trained on the dwindling heat of your coffee. Both corners of your mouth scrunch downwards at the smooth ceramic now held in your cold hands. When did watching a cup of coffee become so interesting? 

“Would you like some more?” The sweet but timid waitress asks you, now back at her spot beside your table.  

A joyless smile flashes across your face, a futile attempt at masking your dejection. Pushing the cup forward, silently accepting a fresh refill from her kettle. 

“He’s not worth it.” She adds, tipping off your mug. Her eyes refuse to meet yours as she does so, and you are thankful for that fact. 

“No,” you respond back, “he never is, I guess.” Your voice is shaky, as are the hands that are folded in your lap. 

Mike is not worth the years of being hurt and pushed away. Not worth the tears that fall after coming home from a night spent at his house, inconsolably sobbing because you know no matter what you do it leads back to the same thing. To give up all your time, love, and patience just to receive nothing in exchange. 

It’s not worth the unrequited love. 

“Can I have the check please?” You ask quietly, still avoiding the gaze of the girl next you. 

Her head shakes with pity, fingers wrapping around the arm of the kettle, “it’s on the house.”

TAGLIST - @wriothesleysbimbo @psbc @victimsofadownn @that1lxnlybxch @callsignwidow

[neon-junkie]

hi. a life update

im being oldschool and using this blog website for its intended purpose - blogging.

so, heres the goss. to start off with a banger, i am in a relationship!! ive not had a healthy relationship since i was 17/18 with my high school boyfriend, so to finally have one, at 26, is pretty kewl. my ex was abusive, and when i finally managed to get away from him, i remained single for almost 5 years. relationships/intimacy has been really hard since him, but ive finally found someone who is so calm and patient with me. he really understands the extent of what i've been through, and hes quite clearly sticking around, and not giving up on me.

and oh my dayyyyyssssss, hes so my type!! ive always set 3 firm criterias for dating: nerdy, alternative, and childfree. he ticks them all!! hes heavily tattooed, skates, has a mullet, stretched ears, piercings, loves metal. oh my starrssssss. if 16 year old me could meet him, i think she'd just melt on the spot. he'd be like my ideal teen dreamboat, and im so glad that that has continued into my adult years. honestly, he's a gem.

minus dating, i'm moving cities! ive been wanting to move to this specific city for a few years, and im finally doing it. bonus points that my partner lives there, which is more motivation to move yanno? like our second date happened after i did some flat viewings. oh, did i mentioned that we first met up at download festival? and our first date was watching limp bizkit together? siiiiiccckkkkk. he also asked me to be his girlfriend in a sick way too!! he purchased a cameo of mark anthony austin (dude who plays boba fett in a new hope,) to ask me out in the boba gear. it was so cute oh my stars!! this guy really knows what i like, plus hes a massive star wars nerd too yayaayayayyay!!!!!

anyway. moving cities hopefully early next year!! tbf i was going to move last year, but then i got promoted at work, but work has been.... omg. like i am so on the fence of rage quitting. work hasnt upped my wage, despite me asking multiple times. they havent helped with any training. in fact, i havent been trained on anything. they just expect me to do this job role with fuck all support. i just need to stick at this job until i move, but i think i'll quit before christmas, move, and then find a new job.

anyway uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. yeah i havent been writing much, its really sad. i love writing, but i just... dont get the urge or craving for it much anymore. i dont know whats killed my spark, or how to gain that spark back. i really thought bad batch s3 would help me out, but here i am... one post every few months... idk guys. like i get comments/praise every so often, but definitely not as much as people might assume? like it genuinely sparks joy whenever i get a little comment on my work, but sadly, thats quite rare. idk, im sure i'll find a new interest to ignite that spark once again. we'll see.

i guess thats it lol. update posted. neon out x

[immigrant-rob]

The last move

It's been 2 months since the last blog, so time for an update on the highlights. We have moved in and settled into our new rental house provided by a miracle. It is located in the exact neighborhood we had wanted, close to Naomi's family but usually an expensive one to rent. However, the landlord was very generous and made a deal that if we took good care of the property the rent would be lower. After unpacking 104 cardboard boxes and a few weeks of minor repairs around the house we were finally ready to settle in and enjoy. Besides living close to Naomi's family (who love to cook, and guess where most leftovers end up 😏), it is also within walking distance of a huge supermarket (think like Albert Heijn XXXL) and church. I had given up all hope to be able to walk to places from home!

While clearing out the house, Hoydi, Naomi's brother and I did a trip to the dump. Going to the dump always was an exciting day out back when I was young, but this was on a different level. Whereas I'm used to dumping my couch in a container, here they have ''landfills''. Massive pits on the outskirts of the city where 1.2 million people literally can dump their trash. Not sure how I felt about dumping 3 couches into mother nature, but I was assured that the nice neighborhood next to it was built on one of these full landfills and in a few years a new neighborhood would be built on my 3 couches.

A few weeks later we hosted our first guests at our place. Jacqueline, an old university friend of mine and her husband Mark came over. We went on my first snowshoeing hike up to Chester Lake through fresh powder which must feel as outdoorsy as it can get. We witnessed a decent sized avalanche from fairly nearby, and the powder it spewed up blowing through the trees. The next day we spent playing boardgames, where Mark beat me at my home game Everdell after I made a shameful mistake, but redeemed my board gaming career with a surprise Scythe win. Both great games if you're into board games!

A week later Naomi and I took a 1 week breather in Vancouver and Vancouver Island, where my highlight was seeing unhuggable trees. The largest being 9m in circumference! We also revisited Naomi's memories of camping on the island, catching crabs and clam digging on the beach. We caught 19 crabs in total, unfortunately non were big enough to be eaten.

Initially, I thought we were going for the views, but soon it became apparent that Naomi had a different to-do list. Apparently, Vancouver is the place to be to eat Asian food outside of Asia. I should've known that marrying a foodie means travel destinations aren't based on scenes but on food. I'm glad they didn't charge me 2 seats on the flight back after that week... Anyway, the climate reminded me of home. Wet and humid. Ideal for someone whose nose had been clogged for the past 2 months to be able to breathe again, but also reminded me of what I did not like about Dutch weather. The wetness and gray skies. Believe it or not, while writing this the temperature is -31 C here, but it is dry and I will bet a Timbit on a clear blue sky later today, just like the past week. I'll deal with the congested nose.

Last 2 highlights were our Christmas dinner with turkey and ham prepared by Hoydi which I could help carve (and take home many leftovers). Secondly, a beautiful easy hike through Johnstone Canyon to view the frozen waterfalls and its dare devil ice climbers. It's a tourist attraction which always makes for fun viewings of unprepared tourists with no cleats slipping and sliding down the trail. The second part of the hike to the mud pots was very quiet and allowed for some Disney Wonderland like views in the valley.

Studying is going well, I'm still on track with my schedule to finish by the end of January and use February to revise. Looking forward to put the exam behind me and start working!