#i'm here to help. [ musings ]

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I understand her saying she was in a bad place after Joe but I think her saying MH was manic phase was AFTER the fact that he ghosted her. Down Bad she states I was in love. I believe she truly was in love with him, not thinking she was. I am not a MH fan by no means but I truly believe she loved him. She couldn't even say the word over in her song. I know he ghosted her, but it was her CHOICE to be with him. No one forced her hand. She knew the type of person he was, but she chose him anyway. She could have said get lost. I respect her and whatever or whoever she chose to love.

Friend:

In her own words, she did not truly love him. She was infatuated with him and was experiencing a severe mental health crisis over many things and convinced herself she was in love with him because it was the only way she could bring herself to burn the bridge for good with with her LTR.

yes, you’re right that she said it was a manic phase after he ghosted her. I don’t see that as controversial or in opposition to what you’ve stated. Because the thing about manic phases is that you often don’t realize you’re in them until you crash (and/or hit the depressive part of the cycle). When you’re in the manic part, everything feels heightened and logical in your own head and it’s not until you come down from it that you realize what it was. So the crash happened by her own admission after he ghosted her and the apex of the phase crumbled. And once that happened* and the dust settled she saw it for what it was, both in herself and in what he’d done. (E.g. that she was manic and that he’d been playing her.) That isn’t projection, that is in her own words in the poem and in her music.

so yes, she chose to be with him. I’m not denying that. She’s not denying that. She doesn’t need some internet stranger to defend her actions and I’m certainly not. But nothing exists in a vacuum and I don’t know how many times we can rehash this.

She chose to be with him knowing who he was, yes. Personally, I think he’s vile, and i wouldn’t go near the guy with a ten foot pole. But it’s not my life. And again: in her own words, he told her that he’d changed and would change and love bombed her into believing he was a new person. Is that naive? Yes, obviously. But I also am of the belief, again through Taylor’s own words, that she was deeply, deeply unwell and suffering from a host of emotional, physical and mental health struggles and wasn’t acting with the clearest of minds. I cannot underscore enough that TTPD is a study in the effects of grief and how it can cloud your mind and inform your actions and I don’t know any other way to explain it that doesn't cross lines but iykyk. If TTPD is to be believed, even within it the cracks were starting to form in the facade before he left her.

If you feel she was truly in love with him, then go ahead, because at this point I am not going to convince you otherwise and that’s fine, you’re allowed to interpret events through your own lens and make your own judgment calls. Just like you aren’t going to convince me that it was a grand love affair because personally I think it was an unfortunate confluence of timing and opportunity that coalesced into a total shit sandwich and I interpret her words and actions through an entirely different lens. I am not trying to be snarky or mean, I’m just saying that this isn’t going to be a fruitful discussion because we’re coming at this from a different set of beliefs and experiences.

(and if you’re talking about the “over” in down bad: she can’t bring herself to say it because she’s a) performing the song and b) using that for effect in the storytelling. She doesn’t say it because it is meant to cut directly into the next line. It’s songwriting.)

this is not a conversation I am interested in hosting on this blog so I will not be responding to this further.

[non-un-topo]

My Neekeys over the last two-odd years. I was curious to see the changes 🤔

[insurged]

when will you return from war? :(

when i hit grandmaster in mar.vel rivals and no sooner.... no jk... but i am getting there, hehe... i'm around, i'm just remaking graphics and pages for all of my muses (and with no self control, added another muse aka dr strange to the roster which in turn, is more stuff to work on). i'm working on asks that my mutuals have sent in ages ago that i owe (but they're so good i don't want to just discard them) and drafts/replies, starting with the oldest first rip. they will only be published when i feel somewhat caught up. i'm very lowkey right now while i work on things in the background and lurking. uwu

[daybreakrising]

@iniziare: "Ah, must I hide something? You wound me, Jiaoqiu. A man cannot simply enjoy the morning without suspicion?" (Jing Yuan to Jiaoqiu)

The levity in the general's tone does nothing to soften the rather pointed look aimed at him from the foxian healer - so pointed, in fact, that it would be easy to wonder if he were truly blind. It is a similar deflection he has heard many time in his general's voice, usually when she is attempting to play down the struggles with her health. His years as a medic, and his experience being around those who consistently try to hide their pain and anguish, have awarded him a keen sense for bullshit.

But it is still with a smile that he regards Jing Yuan. Unlike Feixiao, they are but recent allies and certainly do not have the kind of relationship which allows him to freely call him out - no, for the moment, he will be given the appropriate level of respect as befitting his position... but perhaps he will allow a little of his doubt to show upon his face, to be heard within his voice. It doesn't hurt, in this instance, to let him know that he's onto him.

"I find that everyone has something to hide, even if they've convinced themselves otherwise." He stands in quiet repose next to the general's somewhat imposing form, not an ounce of discomfort in the relaxed set of his shoulders. He is, after all, rather used to being within the presence of intimidating figures.

He breathes in deep, the crisp morning air refreshing to the senses he has remaining. "But it is quite a morning to enjoy, I do agree." He can hear the sweet twittering of birds, the flutter of their wings. The man beside him, he knows, has rather a fondness for nature's critters - or, so it has been said, at least. How often, he wonders now, does Jing Yuan stand here of a morning, listening to the birdsong all around him? What thoughts pass through his head in this moment of peace? Does he bask in it, or does he think of far less peaceful memories?

It is impossible to grow up within the Xianzhou and not know of the High Cloud Quintet, of the events that tore them apart and scattered them to the stars. Is that, he now wonders, why he was summoned here? Why this dozing general has requested his assistance, his knowledge, his experience of impossible-to-cure afflictions? His former master, after all, fell to one such affliction. And, given the general's age... well, it is a wonder he has not suffered symptoms himself.

Or has he? "You must have quite the view from here, general." He offers another of his smiles - a smile that hides much, just like the smile he once witnessed upon the other's face. "Would you describe it to me?"

[the--other]

[ Me right now at 1AM: 🍳🍳🍳🍳🍳🍳 (¿? ]

[ Wow I did use all of the tags, huh?? ]

[erabundus]

HAPPY BLOG ANNIVERSARY!

it's  officially  midnight  here,  which  means  i'm  allowed  to  post  this!  so ...  happy  one  year  anniversary  of  enduring  the  plague  of  avalon  upon  your  dashboards!  alternatively,  thank  you  so  much  for  giving  me  a  place  to  babble  about  my  #1  favorite  comfort  character  who  has  experienced  zero  comfort.  (  i  swear  i  am  being  SO  NORMAL  about  this.  yes i did literally buy  cake  and  party  hats.  )  whether  we  speak  on  the  daily,  you've  just  gotten  here  or  anywhere  in  between,  i  want  to  extend  my  sincerest  gratitude  for  being  on  this  absolutely  wild  ride  of  a  blog  with  me.  there's  been  ups  and  downs,  but  ultimately  i  feel  like  my  passion  for  writing  has  been  ignited  stronger  than  it's  ever  been  before.  i  am  still  always  so  excited  whenever  i  get  the  chance  to  log  on  here  and  create  stories  with  all  of  you  —  and  i  wouldn't  have  that  opportunity  if  it  wasn't  for  this little  corner  of  the  internet  you've  helped  make truly special.

there  are  so  many  of  you  i  feel  lucky  to  have  met.  (  and  so  many  i  would  love  to  get  to  know  better,  too!  )  i  hope  we  can  continue  writing  together  for  many  more  anniversaries  to  come.  and  if  the  day  ever  comes  that  they  finally  pull  the  plug  on  this  cockroach  of  a  hellsite,  i'll  forever remember  this  community  as  the  rpc  that  got me to  laugh  at  petrichor.

have  a  wonderful  day  /  night!  i'm  sharing  the  cake  with  everyone  in  spirit.

[mad-hunts]

so, i think i don't talk about one of the reasons why jack is my favorite kid in the mathis family enough (or at all until now, more like LOLLL) and this reason is that he can play the electric guitar. because i honestly it's kind of funny to imagine barton questioning why he allowed him to practice it in the house despite it being... you know, cool.

and this is because it's loud OFC — but then all of that changing with barton because he almost instantly forgets about his annoyance towards it after jack reveals he learned how to play poker face by lady gaga by doing so for his dad 💀 like THIS is a man who knows what he likes. what can i say, y'all LMAO

[ilovereadingandstuff]

mY HANDS ARE SHAKING!! I'm working on a little piece of art of Cheng Xiaoshi crying in front of a broken hourglass from Lu Guang's pov BUT DANMIT I'M FUCKING SCARED TO MESS IT UP!!!

What do i do??!

The sketch consist of messy lines carefully placed there where i want that recreate exactly what i meant to, but I'm so fucking scared of outline it, to trace the pencil wrong or mess the beauty i've just created!!!

help me artists out there!! please give any advice you have, lend a hand for this fellow novice!!

[nursewashing-a]

so many thoughts and feelings about anya's ptsd that i need to delve into... 👉👈

[apheliia]

I FORGOT THAT PEOPLE IN THE BLACK BUTLER FANDOM ARE INSANE HELP. GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE!!!!!!

[holyguardian]

Inspired by ramblings from here and here as an offshoot from Hades game.

Like or comment on this post if you would like to be visited by a very angry little frog from this new ambrosia themed AU that's bubbling. I figured I could send a short something to inboxes and then if the mood strikes for an answer I'll just. Take it like a gremlin and run along.

[quietlyblooms-gone]

i'm gonna write but i need my brain to stop playing elevator music first

[grimoirefate]

TAG DROP 001

[ ooc. ] i'm a nice person so long as you are nice to me. my muses are not the only ones with teeth.

[ ic. ] i once feared mythal would consume me were i to carry her. but twas not so. i remain free willed and mortal.

[ mythal & solas ] ...are not for you alone to bear my friend. the many wrongs we did. we did together. I release you from my service.

[ mythal introspection ] I pulled you from the fade you loved and sent you into war. I used your wisdom as a weapon and it broke you.

[ introspection ] when she intended me to become the next host of an ancient gods soul I feared naught would be left of my own.

[ veilguard ] I have been advisor to orlais. witch of the wilds. daughter of flemeth. and once long ago an old friend.

[ inquisition. ] I knew the empress was intrigued by the arcane and I could answer questions no chantry mage could.

[ origins. ] well. well. what have we here? are you a vulture I wonder? a scavenger? poking amidst a corpse? or intruder?

[ answered: ooc. ] its me. the equivalent of a spicy kitten in a corner.

[ answered: ic. ] yet she survived and returned ages later to aide the inquisition in its hour of need. how?

[ psa. ] hear ye! hear ye! use those things on the side of your head or be doomed.

[ saved. ] im like a dragon when it comes to things i like.

[ prompts / memes. ] twas both a pleasure and necessity to help them as it is now.

[ crack. ] ooooo! you fear barbarians will swoop down upon you!

[ salt. ] i'm bitter and now i'm making it everyone's problem.

[ birthday. ] its my hatch day!!!!

[ self promotion. ] would that I could become them I would for now this will do.

[ promotion ] look! its the people I like! I think you will like them too!

[toktic]

💖 I love you, mun! // MWAHHH. OKAY THAT'S ALL-

did you know you have been a reason why my return to tumblr has been so pleasant. i'm gonna be cringe here for a moment cause you're so kind to me.

[daybreakrising]

@etherealguard: how do i make it stop? i have to make it stop. // Castorice! Don't mind him woeing over the trailblazer

Not for the first time, she wishes more than anything that she could reach out and touch someone; to offer the kind of comfort and reassurance she has witnessed others give knowing she can never do the same. She feels her fingers twitch with the need, but she clasps her hands more tightly to her chest instead. "Mr Dan Heng…" She takes a step closer to him, as close as she dares to get. "As somebody who has witnessed grief in all its forms and the effect it has upon all kinds of people, what you're feeling right now is perfectly understandable." She is keenly attuned to grief, to despair, and she can feel the torment in this young man's mind, in his heart. "You have lost others. I recognise the determination of someone who has thought, even if only in a moment of hope, never again."

Her arms encircle her own body, the closest thing to an embrace she can offer. "You ask me how to make it stop, and I don't have an answer for you. Death… does not stop, not for anyone. It will claim us all eventually." She isn't good at this – isn't good at people. Her time in Okhema has taught her much, of course, but she feels she is lacking in her ability to provide what Dan Heng needs from her. It feels as though everything she says is the wrong thing. "But I can promise you, Mr Dan Heng, that if I can find a way for these hands of mine to give life rather than take it… I will give you back your friend." It is all she can do. She must hope, now, that it will be enough.

[mad-hunts]

starting off this sunday with a sad fact, and that is often whenever barton smells this cinnamon, but as a part of a specific blend with... something else he can't quite identify? barton is reminded of marcy because she used to wear a perfume that had that sort of scent to it.